AITA for having my daughter watch over her brothers at the mall? SERIOUSLY MOM?!? DUSTY REACTS!

[@wendyluikart6423]

Tell me you dislike your teenager, without telling me you dislike your teenager.

[@ShootingStarStudio]

it's the doubling down for me

[@mx.terious3033]

OP took away a promised fun day and gave her daughter a chore instead. Why? Because she couldn't tell her sons "no". However, she can tell her daughter "you can't always get what you want". Mom of the year right here!

[@Cynophileandavianenthusiast]

🎯

[@annabellegarcia4240]

Oh, mom messed up royally. What a jerk. That was no mommy daughter day. It was a mom shopping spree, carefree, day off.

[@jameegarland]

OP planned one-on-one bonding time with her teenager daughter but turned it into babysitting your little brothers at the mall. She seems to be fine with disregarding her daughter's feelings and setting a precedent that her promises to her daughter have no value. The 6 and 8 year old won't remember this day but the 16 year old has for sure formed a lasting opinion on her and OP's relationship.

[@elizabethhubbard1189]

Mom didn't even let the daughter go into the one store she wanted to go in! Mom is definitely ascon 1

[@jamieleigh3481]

Tell the boys no, that’s how you fix that.

[@autiejedi5857]

Shows the boys are worth more to her than the daughter. Mom had no trouble telling daughter you can't always get what you want, but couldn't tell her boys the same. OP will be lucky if daughter diesn't go no contact as soon as she moves out due to this favoritism.

[@Cynophileandavianenthusiast]

That's how I see it too.

[@IzzysTravelDiaries]

Post in 2 years: "Why doesn't my daughter come home for Christmas?"

[@Cats_in_cravats]

It irks me that mom said "if you don't watch them, then we'll go home now and I'll tell your brothers it's your fault." Manipulative bizzo right there. It was NOT the teenager's fault, it was the mom's fault for not being able to tell her sons no (twice) AND selfishly deciding that she HAD to go into the store that would make her kids sick before doing any other shopping.

[@dhwriter0724]

This right here! It bothered me majorly with the manipulative behavior. And OP wrote about it. What other stuff does she do and not write about?

[@jambalie]

100% this!

[@marisollopez5015]

Same!

[@TusaID]

This is the part that honestly hit me hardest of everything. Mom threatened her daughter and put her to work under duress. BULLSHIT.

[@emilybrinegar7011]

This is what I came here to say. I bet if Kylie told her dad that OP said this, Dad would be pissed.

[@monicamiller5503]

My sister pulled a similar stunt with her daughter, and still wonders why she moved 2 states away to live with her dad at age 16. They’ve since made up, but she still refuses to move back to be close to her mom.

[@colleenswiggum1940]

"I promised my 16 yo daughter a day of us time. But my two youngest who I should be telling no to wanted to come along. Of course I said yes. Then promptly shuffled responsibility for my two golden boys off onto her. I had a blast. I don't know why my daughter and husband are saying I'm the AH for forcing my daughter to be a babysitter so I could go on a shopping spree. How can I write this whole thing out and not seeing that I am a massive AH."

[@auntlynnie]

Candy NAILED IT! Your 16-year-old *WANTED TO SPEND TIME WITH YOU* but you tossed it away for a solo shopping spree.

[@pinksnapdragons2675]

Seriously…. You should consider it a blessing that your 16 yr old wants to spend time with you! So OP, you blew it!!!

[@shannonbrice8012]

that is what i was thinking as well.

[@shannonbrice8012]

I was supposed to have a mommy daughter day with one of my kids. Her sibling got sick and the day have to be rescheduled. I offered as a solution we could postpone the day until the following week OR we could order pizza, all stay in our jammies and watch movies. She opted for staying home (and then the next weekend I gave her a mini day activity, because she was so gracious in changing the plans at the last minute). The mom could have wrangled her kids and taken them to have a bite to eat or the arcade while the daughter shopped. Taking mommy daughter away was bad enough and then not even letting the daughter shop is asinine.

[@shannen7917]

This story makes me want to cry, both as an oldest kid who was parentificated (?) and as a mom who just finished up raising teenagers. I really hope OP finds a way to make this up to the 16 year old and apologizes for all of her missteps taken on this failed disaster of an outing. That kid needs to know she matters and is a priority

[@roselover411]

Parentified is the word you were looking for there ^_^ Parentification is the full word but when it's a verb it's parentified. Though tbf it's not technically a dictionary word so the rules are probably fluid. I watched my best friend be parentified all her life because she was 12 when her twin brothers were born and even when her mom or dad were home, she was still responsible for looking after them so the parents could do what they needed/wanted to. She never complained and to this day I don't understand why she never got angry about it when she had to be home way more often than she should have needed to be. Several times I invited her over but we had to hang out at her place because she had to watch the boys. They also got preferential treatment because she was expected to limit her game/internet use to one hour a day but the boys got to play with the Wii the entire afternoon, it was so unfair. Once she got her own little tv with a nintendo 64 in her room, she was able to play it herself more in the evenings but even then she usually kept her time low because it's what her parents expected of her. I'm really happy for your kids that you refused to repeat what you had to go through and made sure to let all of your kids be kids instead of extra parents.

[@ShootingStarStudio]

We were talking a lot about OP’s relationship with her daughter, but what wasn’t touched on, at least for me, was OP not telling her sons “no” when they wanted to come to the mall. Not being able to tell your kids “no” breeds entitlement, and Gen Alpha already has an entitlement problem.

[@kelleygreengrass]

I feel like that's more gen z

[@jameegarland]

She was fine with telling the daughter "no". She seems to have totally disregarded her daughter's feelings for the sake of pacifying the little ones and getting some shopping done. This feels a forgotten middle child situation

[@jachyra4]

The mom is so obviously the AH that I think she didn't write it: I think the daughter did pretending to be the mom.

[@HuntingForHannah]

That mum is selfish, sounds like the day was about her not the daughter. So sad😢

[@twilight1527298]

Also, if the mother keeps giving into the sons, they will grow up searching for a partner who will give into their toxic me, me, me, attitude and let them get away with not thinking about their partners needs and wants ever.

[@cynthiaguzman7130]

Raising the kind of guys we all try to avoid these days and will wonder why they can't find a good woman because they're so great!

[@lindalauver8602]

Mom, have you ever heard of the word “NO!”

[@CrystallynRose]

How could OP write that whole story out and at no point before hitting enter realize they were the AH? I'm almost positive OP wrote that post expecting validation and I hope she got none.

[@jachyra4]

This comment gave me a lightbulb moment: The mom is so obviously the AH that I think she didn't write it: I think the daughter did pretending to be the mom.

[@nevariTara]

What the heck mom. Do you want your teenager thinking it's appropriate for her future partner to treat her that way

[@paigerowe1090]

I have 2 sons and go out individually with them and when that happens the one that stays home BEGS to go too, guess what? They don’t go

[@stephanieblanchard1798]

It wasn't just the fact that she was an AH from the jump,.she TRIPLE DOWNED at the end when her daughter wanted to go to one particular store but Mom was too tired or whatever to watch her own kids so her daughter could go into that store.

[@minohki]

She made it sound like she didn’t even want to spend the day with her daughter in the first place. The comment that she got more done than if it had just been her and the daughter tells me that she was going for herself anyway and not to spend time with her daughter.

[@tigerzeschy]

She went to ascon 1 the second she canceled the mommy/daughter day. Not after that. She just put herself there permanently with every action afterward. You don’t cancel mommy/kid time unless there’s an emergency. PERIOD. If you want to go to the mall alone, you either have your husband parent the kids, you pay the 16 year old to watch the younger ones, or you get a babysitter. You also don’t go to the store your kiddo can’t go to on the day you’re supposed to be spending time with her. 4:54

[@merlinathrawes746]

YTA! Whose kids are the boys, yours or your daughters? Maybe having her watch the boys for a store or two where the scents would bother them would have been one thing, but their penalty for tagging along instead of going with their father should have been going into stores that they didn't want to go into instead of toy stores and an arcade. Your daughter is right to be upset.

[@vellathewench]

Yup, definitely this. They wanted to come when they shouldn't have so you should make sure they don't try it again by making them only go where you were intending on going.

[@IzzysTravelDiaries]

I bet her prioritising the boys isn't a new phenomenon. I only have one boy and he's small, but I'm bringing him up in a way to understand that he's not the boss in the house. You should always start the way you mean to go. They need to understand that there are boundaries and you don't always get to do what you want.

[@terriehowe8175]

YTA. Agree with everything Dusty and Candy said. How can OP not see that what she did was hurtful and damaging to her and her daughter’s relationship? Wow!

[@angel_t3338]

This is how you become disconnected with your daughter. OP’s daughter will start putting up walls and the next time OP wants to plan one of these girls date with her daughter, her daughter will just turn her down. OP didn’t find it that important to keep a promise so why should her daughter find it important?

[@lindalauver8602]

She, as a teenager, wants to spend time with her mom, just one on one. How stupid of you. Why doesn’t my daughter want to spend time with me?

[@courtneywalmsley8284]

Don’t tell the boys about the plans. Sheesh. You planned a day with your daughter. Nope, you turned the a day into. “day for me and all about me.”

[@katherinepfister4177]

OP is absolutely YTA. Nowhere in the set up of this story did the mom say she had to run errands. It was supposed to be a mother/daughter day, kind of can’t have one of those without the daughter!! This mom sounds selfish. Tell your boys no. This was supposed to be a day for just you and your daughter and you basically told her “I don’t care about you.” Your daughter has ever right to be upset and it sounds like it wasn’t just for one store that you had her watch them. It sounds like you went on a shopping spree while your daughter got stuck babysitting. 100% ascon 1 and a selfish human being.

[@tawnyrobinson3930]

I wouldn’t doubt that OP’s daughter goes no contact when she moves out.

[@katherinepfister4177]

@@tawnyrobinson3930 oh I don’t doubt it. Then we’ll be hearing from OP again “why doesn’t my daughter talk to me?”

[@tawnyrobinson3930]

@@katherinepfister4177 yep. People like that always like to make themselves the victim.

[@evies1050]

Op broke her daughter's trust.

[@queenreg7]

Terrible mom behavior. I’d never go shopping with my mom ever again.

[@thefoxesmind]

God. My parents did this to me, too. Any and every chance that they had, I would have to babysit. It got to the point that my therapist suggested that we take a day once a week to do something with my mom. (The other parent was my stepfather, and it was a split parenting household.) We went to Chili's once, and my mother decided that we didn't need to do it again, and that they needed me for chores and babysitting instead anyways.

[@darlenerider4146]

My mom did this to me a few times, I never asked to spend time with her again when I was a teenager

[@mangamegbe]

You’re the parent! You could have simply said “ I don’t care if you want to come with us this is a mother daughter trip and you already get to go with your dad so get in the car as it’s not optional. Then OP threatens her daughter and then uses her own child as a free babysitter and tries to pretend it’s some grand lesson.

[@avernion]

Granted, she gave her BOYS everything they wanted. 🙄

[@SandyMorrow]

Absolutely the AH!!!! No further discussion.

[@akeilagoodridge8707]

This op can not be serious

[@itsallperfectlynormal9805]

She's totally the AH, question is to what degree. This was a planned day she was looking forward to that mom ruined. Did she get gift cards she was promised to be able to spend on this planned shopping day? Did mom's actions also spoil daughters Christmas ? What a jerk.

[@DemiVampireW]

OP's daughter thoght she'd have a fun day, instead she played babysitter for free

[@natthesquirrel]

Poor girl! Mom broke promises and parentified her so she could spoil the boys and herself! Dad is right! Mom sucks here

[@seahorse5689]

Way to go, mom. Teach your boys to be manipulative. My mom would always promise to do things with me and then cancel at the last minute. Not because something came up, but because she didn't feel like it. Happened so many times, I gave up expecting she would ever follow through on a promise or even believe her if she recommended doing something together.

[@3_up_moon]

Talk about favoring her male children over her teenage daughter. I hate when parents use their children as free childcare at the expense of the childhood of the older child(ren). She's teaching her children internalized misogyny.

[@roselover411]

This makes me SO angry. Learn to tell ALL of your kids no, not just the one who's older. Makes me wonder if their eldest daughter had to give up her personal time to babysit Kylie when she was still in the house herself or if it's just the boys that have preferential treatment.

[@mcrchickenluvr]

You tell the boys that the day was meant for you and your daughter. Not you and your daughter doing your job for you. They’re 8 and 6. They’re old enough to understand the word NO. You taught them that they’re going to get away with everything. They were too loud to be able to do what your daughter wanted to do. They are YOUR kids, not HERS. Therefore they are YOUR responsibility. Your daughter just wanted to spend the day with you as planned and you gave in to your bratty sons.

[@jayonnanicole2763]

So she doubled down on her teenager when the day was supposed to be about her but didn’t double down her her sons who was supposed to go with the dad and the dad didn’t step in at all but didn’t like how the wife handled it but didn’t do anything so the mom basically runs the house and obviously the daughter doesn’t get much time with her mom and I promise you she will feel unwanted and unwelcomed there

[@tohrurikku]

Teenager or not, what OP done and said would not have gone well. Sounds like this mom and daughter time is new, and it was proposed because their relationship is not doing well. What I do not get is that it is obvious what the boys wanted to do at the mall, and it did not align with what OP and her daughter wanted to do, so why not make ground rules and plans before going? One thing I have been hearing discussed a lot recently, and it would fit in here well, is how parents mistreat their child based on their gender because of ingrained sexism, and often girls are mistreated by their mom because that is the way their mom treated them. Sorry, I am not explaining it well. It is up to OP to realize what she is doing, and try to stop the cycle with her.

[@ritafryer8134]

Mom doesn't say no while Dad doesn't care to know that the Daughter gets used as a babysitter under the guise of mommy daughter day.

[@TusaID]

The fact that OP mentioned in her post how she "probably accomplished more bringing all her kids to the mall--" (though omitting in this moment how she used her daughter for free childcare/distraction/wrangling) "--compared to if it was just she and her daughter partaking in the mommy/daughter day that was planned" really says to me that she didn't want a mommy/daughter day to begin with. She agreed to bring daughter along because daughter was older child and would need the least of OP as a parent during the outing. Then, with the other kids begging to come, mom realized the only way she could still have her little spree is to find someone to parent the kids in her place. Just fucking wow.

[@cicichambers3887]

No. And yes. No bc that's what we have kids do. Yes, if you parentify your oldest

[@NicoleBrown-oc7je]

Yep,Op is the AH.

[@RobinSiwula-w4h]

Yes op is the ah

[@Rainbowofthefallen]

💛

[@jenniferhoisington66]

So you turned a Mommmy daughter day into a Me time day because you can't stand up to your entitled brat sons and lift your daughter to play sitter with zero warning Solution Sorry sons this is your sisters day you can go another time Your kids Your problem

[@kelleygreengrass]

You shouldn't blame two children for the selfish mother

[@3_up_moon]

​@@kelleygreengrass setting appropriate boundaries is not "punishing" her sons. That's the same backwards thought process this AH mom has.

[@mcrchickenluvr]

@@kelleygreengrasswe can blame them for being brats though.

[@kelleygreengrass]

@mcrchickenluvr but yhey really didn't do anything but ask to go and behave like normal children. I know there's this weird expectation that children making any noise is somehow bad, but it's not. The mother should 100% been the adult in the situation instead of just saying no and then making her daughter babysit her brothers.

[@unforgivinglyhappy9697]

I still watch your channel but I sure miss when it was just you and you did voices, like Moira. That’s what hooked me, your humor, the fun. Now, it’s just Dusty and Candy doing parenting class and marriage counseling. Zzzzzzzz