Game of Thrones Abridged #49: Jon VI, AGOT

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[@thelettereth1526]

If Dumbledore tortures parents to death in the drunken Aussie version, we may need that reading.

[@ThePrince1835]

Pretty sure he meant to say Voldemort

[@Muzer0]

One interpretation that I heard (I don't remember where) is that Sam's primary motivation for taking his vows in front of the heart tree is actually that he wants to be a good friend to Jon in return for his kindness during training, so Jon would not have to be alone while taking his vows. It's a really nice thought that I think might fit quite well with Sam.

[@bingusmingus2937]

Alt Schwift X Drinking Game: 1 shot for every "anyway" , or goes off on a tangent All jokes aside I absolutely love these videos

[@jamesgibbs6652]

As soon as Alt says Sam’s palms are sweaty I said out loud the Eminem lyrics and Alt says them too a second later which put a big smile on my face😂

[@Bluemilk92]

It's amazing how well that Harry Potter metaphor works. It's kind of flabbergasting, to be honest...

[@mikec6545]

I need a freestyle Samwell rap every Jon chapter now!

[@btarczy5067]

He plops down but the grease won't come out!

[@miketrujillo3677]

Funny now alty has the raps

[@NIKSEEN]

I like to imagine that the drunk septon is the same drunk septon who married Tyrion to his first wife and then snitched to old Tywin in one rare occasion of being sober. Can't imagine Tywin being too happy about someone who actively aided in disgracing a Lannister so he might have been incarcerated or directly sent to the wall? Dunno, I just like the idea.

[@miketrujillo3677]

Holy shit actual plausible theory, because while he did marry tyrion off he did eventually tell tywin and maybe he had mercy

[@yeahey5947]

I feel like if this were true Tyrion would have payed a few brothers to kick the shit out’ve him at some point in the night

[@shmittybacall1499]

@@yeahey5947good point!

[@eriik2667]

@@yeahey5947A Lannister always pays their Debt’s

[@XenosSavior]

The "Lose Yourself" Sam remix, just made my day haha. Much needed on a Monday :)

[@francescogulli7270]

21:16 Eminem has been very quite since Schiwft dropped those bars

[@calvinp1842]

33:12 Dumbledor world famous torturer of nevils2

[@colmbarrett3333]

Honestly this is a much less obnoxious recap than the available Game of Thrones audiobook. Hope this carries on all the way into A Dream of Spring's release in 2033.

[@kadartibor5029]

Such an optimist

[@MrAllallalla]

Do you mean Roy dotrices? Because I really dislike that one

[@Muzer0]

@@MrAllallalla Personally I think he had a great voice for it, but it's a shame the late great Dotrice clearly didn't have much audiobook experience. But I like it in a kind of charmingly shit/so bad it's good type way.

[@OrangeXenon54]

Sad that you said this as a joke and it's coming to be that your estimate wasn't conservative enough 😢

[@jackthehumanofficial]

SAME

[@ekin4260]

You're thinking of the Hanging Gardens dude. They were built by a king for his bride from a lush land to make her feel home. The Taj Mahal was a tomb for the king's wife if I'm not mistaken.

[@Arensi]

"I fly a Nimbus 2000 - Get on my level, bitch!" LMFAO

[@lastsaneman19]

living in japan rn, just woke up late at 10am and BAM new alt schwift x. its so weird being in the same half of the world as my Australian subscriptions for once.

[@CRob172]

Lovemachine what's Japan like? I've always wanted to go there and experience the culture and see some pro wrestling there

[@Saturos226]

That moment when you finishe binging all of these and have to actually wait for new episodes...

[@AsronomyMoe]

Mansa Musa didn't build a special mosque for his wife (that I know of), but he did make a pool for her out of their drinking water so that she could swim in the middle of the Sahara on their Mecca.

[@ZaeBae22]

Thank you for releasing these so often.

[@catathielemann3239]

I love this long episodes, there is always time for tangents. Thanks so much, Alt dear. Have a fantastic week, #schwiftysquwad And if you do a Q&A, there are a few things I wanna know: In your regular life, do you use metric or imperial? What do you wear to bed?

[@smashedavo6949]

The most important questions to ask :D

[@catathielemann3239]

I was gonna ask which direction his toilet water swirls when he flushes, but I thought that was kind of superfluous

[@SammieKatGplus]

Hi Cata! :)

[@catathielemann3239]

Hi Sammie :)

[@CRob172]

Cata Thielemann your questions lol they made me laugh Cata

[@nicole.-.3]

Idk why but the Harry Potter comparisons kill me xD Love this series so much, I've been binging it these past few days on my free time

[@tabeeb99]

its pink floyd-dark side of the moon

[@DrewbyWan]

You saying "Symbology" gave me Boondock Saints flashbacks Thanks for the video, Alt Cheers all!

[@gemmagrennan]

on the blood sausage, i recommend irish black pudding for brekkie, delish!

[@Arensi]

Great episode as always, looking forward to the livestream!! I really loved the Harry Potter analogy, fits so perfectly. I was hoping for a Trump > FBI reference when you talked about the king having no power over the knights though :P

[@NIKSEEN]

In regards to the Night's Watch being a fresh start with past sins erased; it would've been interesting for Lancel to join the Watch instead of the Sparrows along with possible interactions and/or conversations between him and Jon regarding the king's death and the lopping off of Neddy's noggin

[@huersmininuke7]

"my parents were tortured to death by dumbledor"

[@franamellado]

I'm finally able to catch up on the last few episodes! This hobbit from NZ invaded my house for a week and I couldn't really listen to these in peace. And yo Alt, that Eminem reference killed me. Lol

[@fiachracollins5233]

Came for the fantasy novel, stayed for the Historical African fanfiction

[@skimbleshanksify]

Loving! the extended metaphor-references

[@jannikmichel7646]

German approves, we are into blood sausage

[@swansony]

Huh, all the Harry Potter references in this reminded me that Game of Thrones was published two years before the first Harry Potter book.

[@warpedwhimsical]

I wonder how followers of the drowned god take their night’s watch vows. Do they have to go all the way the Eastwatch and dip their toes in the shivering sea? I can’t imagine Cotter Pyke standing in a sept or before a heart tree

[@calikal1968]

Oh yes, Wednesday I'll be there! Half asleep!

[@thertsman8233]

thank you for the advice on being a better person papa

[@SteveSmith-uu2cs]

'Oeuvre'? Man, that's a $10 word if I've ever heard one.

[@gabrielacumana9400]

I'm trying to fall asleep but the Harry Potter analogy is fcking killing me

[@KlaraL-_-]

All the HP references.... oh, that wa fun :) And the "african historical fanfiction"? :D omg

[@krloz7493]

shit men, you are so inspirational when closing a chapter

[@likretir]

Man that Harry Potter metaphor got real old real quick

[@QueenDaenerysTargaryen]

Be with me, build the new world with me, this is our reason. It has been from the beginning since you were a little boy with a bastard’s name, and I was a little girl who couldn’t count to twenty. We do it together. We break the wheel together.

[@user-vb4fs6wb4s]

In A Song of Ice and Fire, a series which is unadaptable to any other sort of media, Davos Seaworth is one of King Stannis the Mannis's most loyal supporters. Davos is honest, loyal, subtle, nuanced, and a good man besides. Or is he? [DRAMATIC PAUSE] There is a popular fan theory that claims that Davos is, in fact, an onion. Which sounds like a mummer's farce but may actually be true, so let's have a look. Davos is repeatedly referred to as "The Onion Knight", which is weird.. right? If Davos really is a human, why isn't he just called "The Human Knight"? Why give Davos a misleading nickname? Another piece of evidence comes from the sigil of House Seaworth. The sigil shows a ship with an onion up its sail. If it really were that Davos was on that ship, and if Davos really is a human, wouldn't it make much more sense to draw a human on the ship? Some fans go farther with the tinfoilness. It has been speculated that upon the trial by combat set to Stannis by the usurper Gendry, Ser Onion will jump on Lightbringer and be cut to half, thereby blurring the vision of the Night's King and also finally making Lightbringer the real Lightbringer. In a finale act of sacrifice Davos the onion will save the realm and ensure the rule of his human friend. Cheers.

[@user-vb4fs6wb4s]

It's basically been confirmed by GRRM already. Just take a look at the names of Davos' children: Matth o s Deva n Mar i c Steff o n Stan n is He also has another son named Allard. Turns out that Onions are a species of the Genus "Allium"

[@iSlack01]

6:00 the wall grows like that old ice cream in the fridge. When winter comes and it growns thoughs spikes. Theyre same size but the whole wall gets a lil coat in ice spikes. So im saying on a really cold day the wall should get fuzzy and grows.

[@smashedavo6949]

WOOOO ANOTHER LIVESTREAM!!!! Hype!

[@hairlessoyster3689]

Smashed Avo is that confirmed? I'm still spewing at the moment and can't really watch. #livecastwednesdays

[@catathielemann3239]

Yeap, wednesday 9 PM eastern time :)

[@smashedavo6949]

Well, Thursday for me :P

[@catathielemann3239]

Where are you now, Avo?

[@smashedavo6949]

Australian Eastern Time (AEST) - in the ACT

[@CMS5210001]

GREAT CHAPTER!!! so much inspiration!!!!! can't wait for the live stream #shwiftysquwad

[@rebellegrrl]

I really enjoy your videos!

[@annushka0113]

Yay Schwifty!

[@WTFoolproof]

nice work.

[@ulfurmensch2215]

F A T P I N K M A S T

[@LukeDTF]

Appreciate the Hugh H. reference now postmortem.. great irony now that I'm catching up.

[@brettd2308]

Great message at the end! It's my personal philosophy in life, so you're making me feel pretty heroic :)

[@maasjoe]

that last bit there mirrors Jamie Lannister pretty accurately.

[@lucinda3964]

Bougie Nights Watch. My heart breaks for them having to cook their blood sausages with subpar olive oil. It's fucking cruelty.

[@rikkeholmberg]

Oh no! That's like 3 in the morning where I'm at 😧

[@Br4nTheBuilder]

Pink Floyd - Dark Side of the Moon. Yes, you *really* should have known that! ;)

[@cowboyhank456]

9pm eastern time? Goddammit that's 3 o'clock at night 😂

[@user-vb4fs6wb4s]

Hey since you're such an expert in clocks n' stuff might you please tell thee when is 9 pm easter time in israeli time? Many thoonkies.

[@mayonnaise9332]

@Alt Schwift X So the taj mahal is mausoleum built by shah jahan to bury his wife mumtaz. Also taj means crown and mahal means palace. The story is the bloke shah jahan loved his wife so much that he built the the taj mahal and he wanted it to be a one of a kind wonder so apparently he cut off the hands of the thousands of artisans that built it. Also bonus fact shah jahan's son tried to build a replica in Aurangabad which dosent look nearly as good.

[@UraStr]

his palms are sweaty...

[@jamestinker5496]

A Harry Potter book where Dumbledore kills Nevilles parents? I'd read the fuck outta that

[@jackthehumanofficial]

marshall schwift mathers on the beat

[@shieraseastar9300]

Someone remind me to set my alarm for tomorrow night at 9pm!! :O Don't want to miss the BIG 50!!!

[@catathielemann3239]

Go set that alarm right now, Shiera, and see you tomorrow :)

[@deffientllynotjalenbutler1736]

An so his watch begins

[@someoneelse8452]

This is the greatest

[@ZubjectX]

Thoughts on religion in fiction - there is a bit of religion in LOTR. Elves worship Eru Illuvitar and the Valar I believe, though he is the actual god to make the world. Dwarves may have some form of ancestor worship though it may just be a historical respect. Many of the eastern men worship Sauron/Morgoth. A lot of religion in fiction is based on existing religion. For example, ASOIAF has the Faith of the Seven which is clearly Catholicism, Old Gods which is pretty much Pagan, the Drowned God who is linked to the war between two sides possibly like the Norse gods VS the ice giants, and Rhlorr worship which is probably linked to Christianity as well with a Messiah who will return one day at the end of the world. Meanwhile The Black Company (still asking for a chapter by chapter abridged of it, not gonna stop) has the White Rose which is again a Messiah type faith, the Gunni who are pretty much Hindu, Boddhi who are Buddhists, Vehdna who are Muslim, Shadar who are Sikh, and the Deceivers who are of course Thuggee Hindus.

[@coletrain3162]

The bit north of the Sahara is Northern Africa, or the Mediterranean region.

[@Rebk_TineoG]

I'm always behind with your videos, because they are so good that I have to endure the experience... Saving the best for a little while more. Like apples and bloosausage btw (in Venezuela bloodsausage is a standard in our bbqs, and now chefs are mixing it with some apple sauce... George knows his food!) Tangent... Late but proud #schwiftysquwad !

[@diego-lima]

#schwiftysqwad Seven Hells - Alt is also a LOTR connoisseur!

[@bolloggfisch1100]

Aw God dammit, 9pm your time is 3am in Schnitzelland (Not the big one, the smaller one) :( One day I'll stumble across a livestream of yours! That shall be my goal in life from this moment on forward!

[@w0ttheh3ll]

DUDE! Harry Potter famously has black hair, not brown.

[@RyanDalton170]

Us British quite like blood sausage - we know it as black pudding though.

[@michal22011]

Pink Floyd the dark side of the moon with prisma on the cover

[@Kriegerdammerung]

21:00 what about the ironmen? they worship the Drowned God, and there are ironborn working at the Wall, Cotter Pyke for one. There were notable men from the Iron Islands, the brother of King Harren for example was Lord Commander. What about them? I assume they are tolerated and do their vowing at either extreme of the Wall, preferrably on the western shore.

[@cambrianicole9074]

Welcome... to the internet

[@hairlessoyster3689]

#schwiftysquwad represent . Be back after The Mating Tide is slack

[@kerrinoir]

#schwiftysquwad !! Feeling that episode 50 live stream hype!

[@hairlessoyster3689]

KerriNoir hell yeah Lady. See you there. Bring a friend!

[@catathielemann3239]

Enjoy, Oyster dear. Mating tide is something to enjoy, always. #schwiftysquwad

[@kerrinoir]

I hope to be here for it, but there is a chance that I might be out catching Pokemon...cause I'm an adult. :D

[@CRob172]

Hairless Oyster good luck with the mating brother

[@TGFPdan]

Have you given up hope for Winds of Winter at this point? not to mention a dream of spring

[@CRob172]

TGFPdan I'm calling they both are released at the same time, and during the last season of the show

[@chrismorse3862]

+Caleb Robinson (DJCRobborCROBB) bit optimistic!

[@dxhunter9170]

@@CRob172 RIP

[@stefanlolic2092]

​@@dxhunter9170 super rip 💀

[@dxhunter9170]

@@stefanlolic2092 fellow rewatcher?

[@EvelynDayless]

The Wall is EXTRA Thicc

[@nightsage217]

Religion in D&D and GOT are considered practical, at least. one way communication doesn't seem give us a lot of wisdom apparently.

[@Flo-rj8tz]

i want to watch the stream so badly, but it's at 3am in the morning for me T_T

[@janmarkus4340]

Great episode! #WhiteWalkers

[@archeeta13]

What does alt schwift look like ?

[@theshackledgamer799]

George R. R. Martin did the Rumbling first confirmed?

[@ZacharyHavenor]

The Taj Mahal was built for a woman but it was built to honor her after she died. It is a memorial or to state it differently a tribute of his love for her. If we forget the meaning it's whole purpose is for naught.

[@col10me]

it is pink floyd yes

[@thunderclap7154]

Bakalon the pale child , from "seven times never kill man" god of the Steel angels.

[@thunderclap7154]

Sammie K I will try 3am for me the Q and A element is an amazing opportunity. I should probably re-read next chapter before ! Thanks Sammie 😜

[@justincoutts8748]

Yggritte is a ginger, and show tormund... theyre fun gingers

[@victormeunier9075]

Great now i want Emma Watson to play Samwell in a new Asoiaf adaptation.

[@imundertheoaktree]

Headcanon: GRRM stole JKR's character profiles several years before she got to write them!!

[@hairlessoyster3689]

Summarize the Summary- Lets Keep it Moving. Totally In Love with this Chapter Too. 1. Perfect "Welcome" perfect for a you tube video, but if you said that to me in that tone when i knocks on your door i would run like hell. 2. #LIVECASTWEDNESDAY so hyped. 3. You Southron People Need to Stop switching the seasons. I am sorry that Summer is Cold and Winter is Hot but you all just need to deal with that fact and get on the right page. Blood Sausage is great. The Irish do Blood Pudding. Its Blood but not so much on the pudding part. I think they mix it with oats and spices like orange peel & sad songs that sound bizarrely happy. Samwell is a bouncy ball with big brains. Look at the big Brains on Samwell. I get confused with hipsters sometimes but i am just so old the shit i like came back in fashion. Oysters make love for an embarrassingly short time but we spew for hours. There is no amount of small talk can fill the Time. Page Flip, lets hit the Sept Tonight? Yup. Its that or Mole's Town. The Hobbits worship root veggies i think. Middle Earth is a super Tight name for a catholic retreat. I love big Books with Big stories and way too many named characters. Pink Floyd and you know that, that was just a test to see who is commenting. Keep commenting people, algorithms and shit........matter. The Ned built a Sept for a Cunny Trout he never wanted to marry. #The Northis4Loverzzzz. SIdenote: I love SideNotes. . Sahara-Proper is the incorrect term. We have a church named "Our Lady Of The Highway" in my town and it always reminds me of streetwalkers. Prostitutes/Ladies of The Night. #DichotomyofWhoring Jon is a student of Northern Life. Do we know all the shields still hanging in the "Old Hall" at the end of DWD? i know it has a proper name and Old Hall ain't it. The Nights Watch is not unlike Catholicism in the bullshit forgiveness aspect. "Take Me to The River!" My Great Aunt was a nun and her Nun Name was ..,.,,... Sister Dorkis. I shit. You . Not. I Hope we find out the real, real, real Reason Mormont took the Black. It must have something to do with that Hoary sister of his. Only One Northerner in the whole fuckin' Bunch? Really? ok. How many classes do they graduate a year? Ok Wait, Why the Fuck is there not a Single Albino tree at Castle Black? Did those Southrons cut the Weirwoods right up to the wall? Choppin' Broccoli? Dana Carvey? +Caleb Robinson Google that shit. "I will give up my families Gods Because i come from a family of Uber-Cunts. Our Words are First In Battle an those are serious Cunt Words" thats what I heard. Jon was born to be an Emo who doesn't know what he has in life until its too late. #SpoilerAlert. #He Dead. "Ghost." Jon is the kinda guy who cries about not having any bread to eat while carrying a healthy Ham under each arm. #SOPRANOSMISQUOTE Seriously though, Chett got assfucked on this deal with Zero reach-AROUND. I Prefer the company of dogs over people. A dog saved my life once but time is money and i can't spend the capital to tell that story. I fuckin' love this chapter. Ohhhhhhh, poor Bowen can't get a cold- pressed Extra Extra Nubile Virgin Olive oil. Poor fuckboy. Even in food descriptions GrrM is a bit of a sexual deviant. #DOYOURJOB. Jon Rages, Rages, Against the Dying Light. Let's all see how that works out for him. "Ghost" Fuck Daeron, i know he got bent over in this deal but i still think the grey (gray?) of his soul leans black. I hate when people in my country shame me into feeling sorry for Military Veterans. We have an all volunteer army so i can also volunteer to give a fuck about what happens to them #MenDieInWar, #WhATOFIT? ALSO VERY INTERESTING THE WATCH CALLLS THE PLACE WHERE WEIRWOODS GROW The Haunted Forest. I know i use CAPS liberally but that last line was just my shell banging the caps LOCK by accident. I apologize for that Mariana Trench deeply. I fuckin' Love this shit so much. I didn't mind the Horsey Pun the apology made me want to vomit. Then gather the vomit, eat it again, and re-vomit into my own mouth and eat it again. The Old Gods are the same as all Gods, they don't give two flying fucks about people. They have God problems to deal with. #GODPROBLEMS. 79 Sentinels. I have read the Night's Watch's Pledge (incorrect?) more times then i want to admit but less times then i have read Big Bucket explain the meaning of Winter. I can only assume it will all make sense when the story is wrapped up. I have my opinions but you will have to wait until i buy a proper microphone so we can broadcast live. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh SHit. Ghost dropped a black dead human hand of a hint. I listened to that book snap twice, Good on ya. Is that something YOU people say? Good on Ya? We say "It is What it Is" and it drives people crazy. Tell me a bedtime story of the Usain Bolt's of Greek Mythology. We all need to do better. Everyday. I can't fuckin' wait until Wednesday. I will be available from 9PM EST until 9:36PM EST then i will be back around 9:58PM EST to finish. I don't know your name and i don't feel comfortable making demands but maybe you could take a mid chapter break and just Livechat the comments to get to know everyone while i am gone. I DOn't want to miss your readings and its good for the King to be amongst his people from time to time. Don't be a SHit King. Don't be like Robert. Just an Idea from a simple mollusk. Be Well Have Fun. #SCHIFTYSQUWAD

[@hairlessoyster3689]

The Shield Hall

[@catathielemann3239]

Wow, what a summary. You really loved this chapter. Have a nice day , Oyster dear.

[@Gumberculesus]

Way to beat that Harry Potter reference to utter death. Alsot Game of Thrones came out first.

[@ReturnAgain1]

SuperSaharan? Mansa Musa with a metric shitton of gold N Saharan /\ Mosque made of solid gold I SubSaharan II

[@ZubjectX]

And sod it, gotta stand up for the gingers and write something with a ginger protagonist.

[@Mcslider]

#schwiftysquwad

[@alwaysblazen1369]

im skinny and i can most certianly "plop" #allploppersmatter

[@chrismorse3862]

show Thorne had the most punchable face in history after the Steward announcement with the head bobble to match

[@Ghostwalker2061]

Prism.

[@Ghostthegolden]

Plop lol

[@laurbear6]

taj mahal was built because his wife died. is a tomb.

[@Ash_Rizwan]

Shah Jahan built the Taj Mahal after his 8th wife died, in love for her. It's not a tomb I think

[@calikal1968]

TFC mausoleum that is the proper word!

[@belikeapanda9625]

There is a reddit-post about your Hogwarts-comparisons: www.reddit.com/r/asoiaf/comments/6h9eud/spoilers_main_the_wall_and_hogwarts_striking/ :-)

[@OhBrother5000]

Alty, you keep bringing up Harry Potter references. Would you ever consider doing a Harry Potter Abridged for this channel? :)

[@missdanafaye]

I would watch the shit outta that! Please do this Schwift!!!

[@tomfii]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/sKTGfpaYl5qnjrs Here you go! Schwifty Squwad's wonderful Brandon Winslow has done Book 1 of HP already and is currently going through Book 2. Guaranteed wildy inaccurate and frankly unprofessional!

[@rebellegrrl]

I really enjoy your videos!

[@ernesttokes527]

#schwiftysquwad

[@marktravor4082]

lose yourself Sam Tarly edition just made my week