Am I bisexual? How to be 100% sure.

[@notdefining]

To book a 1:1 coaching session with Mark, click here: www.notdefining.com/coaching-info. Text chat with Mark and join group sessions at patreon.com/notdefining. For more videos click the JOIN button.

[@notdefining]

@@apocalypse12345 Hey thanks so much for sharing your experience. It's so great when we can talk about these things. You are absolutely 100% a valid bisexual and welcome with open arms to the bi community. Some people use bi and gay depending on the circumstance. I know some bi people who use the word gay sometimes because they kind of relate with that too. That's cool. Also, you might prefer to use the term gay if it feels better to you. That's totally cool as well. A lot of gay-identifying people have some attractions to different genders so it's up to you. If you want to be specific, you could be gay-bicurious, or homoflexible, or heterocurious, or simply not chose to define your sexuality at all. What do you think. In any case you are so massively valid and you belong here with us! We're a community that fit in the in-between and that's totally fab too :-)

[@notdefining]

@@apocalypse12345 You are so welcome. Don't ever feel like you don't belong. Because you do. Just the way you are. Your community is always here for you.

[@NutmegFox]

Unlike a lot of people who watched the video who realized they are bi, I have realized that for quite some time I thought I was bi, when really I was just bi curious, I’ve now come to realize that I am straight. Shows the different outcomes of watching the video.

[@notdefining]

Hey thanks for sharing. That’s totally valid. I’m so glad you have come to this clarity.

[@leeboriack8054]

Glad you are able to find clarity and no longer have to be distracted from wondering. Have an amazing life!

[@ianshammah8659]

Is bi curious when you are curious about bisexual acts?

[@Kadaitchi]

@@ianshammah8659it's someone who entertains the possibility of same sex encounters. I am definitely bi curious through the physical only.

[@danielinthemaiden9039]

It means you have a desire to try bisexual acts.​@@ianshammah8659

[@gabrocking]

Holy shit dude. Thank you so much for this video. I'm 17 and for a few years now I've been thinking about this and going in circles. I now am able to realize that I am Bisexual, I just couldn't really explain it. When you mentioned attraction to a relationship I almost cried, being able to give it a name is just so comforting to me. Thank you so much and I hope you have a great life, this has helped me so much.

[@notdefining]

Thank you I’m so glad this helped.

[@Sillychild-5643]

I think im bi how can I tell my mom I live in tn btw and pretty young I need your help 😅

[@emilianotechs]

Well I'm like a minute in and you have given me the explanation and reasoning I needed to call myself bisexual! Thank you

[@notdefining]

I’m so glad. You’re so valid.

[@m00nxon_pawz]

BRUH SAME

[@notdefining]

🩷

[@jamisonjohnson-s2j]

​@@notdefiningI recently came out

[@Jamie16611]

Yeah, for me the stress is about losing my attraction to women. I’ve had really strong feelings in the past for girls and I’m afraid of losing that part of myself

[@notdefining]

You’re not alone and this is really understandable. The part of you that’s attracted to women is not separate to your attractions to men.

[@notdefining]

Thank you for your reply. This is a monosexual viewpoint and actually in the multisexual community you’re not just “attracted to who you’re attracted to”. The stress of fluidity can lead people to extreme mental trauma so it’s very much a significant challenge for many in our community. I appreciate you sharing your experiences so much though and want to thank you for your support.

[@ELP1125]

So you're afraid you might be gay?

[@glassflower_]

I’m not bisexual but aromantic-asexual and I have to say you’ve explained romantic and physical attraction so so well! I never really understood what it is that people feel and this was super helpful!

[@notdefining]

Thanks I’m so glad it was clear. Thanks for saying.

[@shinepolly]

I'm REALLY happy to be bisexual. Maybe somebody in my circle can't understand it, but it doesn't matter. This is who I am. I wanna be free. And when we talk about feelings, there shouldn't any limits. This is my identity. Thank you for this amazing video and especially for your warm energy💕 And remember guys, you can love anybody. Everyone need freedom and happiness.

[@notdefining]

Hey thanks for this fab comment. Love it.

[@richarddesbiens1036]

So nice of you I feel exactly the same

[@notdefining]

🩷🩷

[@PhantomBlue]

I'm nearing 30 and I just realized that I am in a spectrum of bisexuality. As far as I know, heavily leaning heterosexual, but it still counts. I already went through the five stages of grief, and I'm fine, but it's still really insane that it took me this long to find out. What an ironic month to find this out also. Right before Father's Day too, and my dad is significantly homophobic lmao.

[@wareforcoin5780]

It's ok, I didn't label it until I was in my 30s, in a long term serious relationship. It's never too late to discover yourself, it doesn't all have to happen in your 20s.

[@notdefining]

Here for you. Often we don’t realise until later. I only came out at 30. 4 years ago.

[@notdefining]

Thanks for this. So true.

[@PhantomBlue]

@@notdefining Thanks. I've been processing this a lot better lately. It has helped that most of my friends are LGBT (which is a bit ironic right now, honestly). I still have a lot to learn about this whole thing in many ways, and still need to adjust to a lot, but I'm making good progress. Even told my mother, and she told me that it didn't change anything and not to worry so much about it lol.

[@notdefining]

Hey it sounds like you’re making great steps. Proud of you.

[@AstroMoonGoddess]

I appreciate your channel. I’m nearly 40 years old and I’m still learning about my bisexuality. I am sexually attracted to women but not romantically attracted to women. I discovered this in high school when I was dating my ex girlfriend. I am not always instantly sexually attracted to men, though it has happened in the past. I have to develop a mental and emotional connection with a man and that’s when the sexual attraction is ignited. I’ve always felt I was alone in this and have yet to find anyone who is like me. It has made me feel so odd to the point where I feel like I have to mould myself into something different - but I can’t. So it’s a lonely journey for me but I’m not giving up hope. 💚

[@CherryBerryFashion]

I get you

[@sssophie9292]

Have you heard of demisexuality? To do with developing certain kinds of attraction only after becoming close with someone

[@emmahuntsinger5507]

Thank you for this video. I have been struggling with OCD for a long time. I’m pretty comfortable knowing that I’m Bi, however my brain is set on I need to be 50/50. This makes me more comfortable to just let myself breathe ❤

[@soroush1437]

Me too❤

[@ishagilbert3100]

I love you Mark, you make me feel seen and safe in my identity and I wish people could be more like you 💖💜💙 thank you for just being you 🌈✨

[@notdefining]

Oh gosh thank you so much. I love you too. You are part of our family and I'm so glad we can connect. Sending you all my very best.

[@anthonyd9844]

The most useful skill I've developed since realizing I'm bi is not taking everything personally. You'll find when you open up to people and share that you're bi everyone has an opinion but very rarely does anyone actually have first hand experience to share about being bi. Some feedback will be positive, some will be negative or patronizing/ passive aggressive. In the end, don't let comments from random people impact you, it says more about their outlook on life and morals than it does about you. Focus on being happy and meeting new people, eventually it'll pay off :)

[@notdefining]

Thank you so much for sharing this. I really appreciate it.

[@Klondike_the_goat]

Thank you a lot for this. I haven’t found a better video explaining all of bisexuality. I always feel like I am faking my sexuality, though I’m not, and just simple videos stating the facts really help me.

[@notdefining]

I’m so glad. Thank you for saying.

[@vanlifeembracingdiversity5431]

Well done. As a worker for young people who more often question their sexuality, I will definitely sign post them to your videos. Black and white thinking is so 80s 😂

[@notdefining]

Hey thanks so much. I really appreciate that. I’m always here.

[@coolfinetime]

Yes you are right actually many people are bisexual naturaly but the society suppress people.

[@purvii2371]

​@@coolfinetime No.. not many but some. Not everyone feels the 4 things he mentioned so don't convince people (I'm pissed off as I'm the patient of hocd and these comments make me super pissed that you guys are like "everyone is bisexual"..no dude, it's not true)

[@coolfinetime]

@@purvii2371 You are right! I agree. I did not say, "everybody" I said "many" or "several" maybe.

[@purvii2371]

​@@coolfinetime Then provide any single authentic source which claims your statement. Studies says that the one who believes that "many/several people are bisexual are themselves bisexuals" so if you believe this, then you must be bisexual.. not "others". There's no single study which says that "many" people are bisexual. I'm stressing out with Hocd, it causes false attractions, fake arousals etc but I've never been attracted towards same gender, I can't imagine myself with them at all.. I feel disgust by the idea of this and there are many other signs which proves that I'm not bi. Writing this cause people like you convince others to accept something which isn't true, which isn't their real self.. why so? Just because you don't want to be in minority? I respect LGBTQ+ community but what you're doing isn't right. Confusing people of hocd in the name of bisexuality isn't right (like this dude do in his videos). Although, it's true that most of the heterosexual people get random, unwanted, weird or intrusive fantasy or thought about same gender at some point of life, but they aren't comfortable with the idea of being with them.. it's disgusting for them and that's enough to prove that they aren't bisexual. Also, we find lot of people attractive, doesn't mean we are attracted towards them in any way so it's not bisexuality, it's a common human behavior. I'm writing this cuz you can't imagine but these comments can definitely confuse straight people and would make them more anxious.

[@kristgeo]

I'm female and have always been attracted to men, but have recently come to realize I'm developing a strong attraction to another woman I've become friends with. I feel a desire for a romantic relationship with this person. This is the first time this has happened so I've been struggling a bit trying to figure myself out. Thank you for this video. It was a great help to me.

[@BennyBoyOwO]

This finally destroyed my doubt, thank you so much for making this video! I wish I had this earlier during my questioning, but better late than never! And I hope this vid gets shown to others who need it!

[@MixedRogueKhorri]

He has a very interesting channel . open bi guys are so rare

[@notdefining]

Hey thanks so much. We are rare and precious! Like diamonds! haha

[@leosasmr_]

thank you! I feel like this is the first information in form of a video that has finally helped me feel more relieved and feel less pressure on putting a label on it. Also bisexuality means so much more than I knew before!

[@notdefining]

I’m so glad

[@BeautyMonster1000]

Great video yet again Mark! This video is perfect for newcomers to bisexuality or people who are currently questioning! I like how simply you explained the ways to figure out if you're bi or not in such a clean cut way. Really helpful! I'm a proud bisexual woman but I know tons of people who would benefit from this video, so I'm glad you uploaded it! Personally, I have a strong preference for women and non-binary individuals. As far as men, I'm the least attracted to them. I'm more attracted to feminine men than I am to masculine men. I'm someone who finds femininity very attractive, even in people who aren't women. Sometimes I even think it's more attractive to see in people that aren't women. It really depends on the person. 🙂

[@borisbenne8692]

Exact same thing here, feminity does it for me despite the person's gender. Exept I also like masculine women (for some strange reason), but wouldn't dream to flirt with them because I don't want to disturb, and assume they might be gay anyway 😅.

[@notdefining]

Hey thanks so much once again for your encouraging words and for sharing your experience. I'm thrilled that we can all connect and learn together. If you think others would benefit from the content and if you are able, please do share if you can. It really helps us get to more people. Yes I often feel like that about masculinity. I love the energy of masculinity whatever body it is in. That's because we have two things - energy and physical body. We tend to focus just on physical sex but your energy or presentation is actually often the most powerful factor in attraction. I love masc women OMG! I often fall in love with butch lesbians who definitely are not into me! haha. But also love femininity too in different ways. It's so fun to explore and celebrate. Can I ask you to expand a bit on how you feel about femininity? What is is compared with masculinity that you are drawn to? How do you see yourself mainly? As masc or fem? I'm just so interested to chat.

[@notdefining]

@@borisbenne8692 Hey thanks so much for sharing your experience, I'm so glad we can relate in this way.

[@borisbenne8692]

@@notdefining Hi, you're so kind, of course ! I'll try to put this into words. I consider myself as a man, because that's what I look like, and because that's what I am from an anatomical perspective. In my personnal and professionnal life though, it's been pointed out many times, that the way I talk/think is kin to the way a woman would to talk/think. Feminity for me are the clothes and fashion of course, but also the way a person speaks, moves, reacts. It's like a cultural feature really. To me it includes: gentle, caregiving , subtelty, sensual, ... Wich is the exact opposite of pushy, driven, efficient, dominating ; caracters trait that are, in my cultural background, considered as male attributes. So on a dance floor, I'll look almost exclusively for women, trans-women, and cross dressers. For Cis-gender men, it is mostly their arousal that arouses me. But, boy when it works , it works !! That's it for now, hope it helped 😆. Thanks for your videos, they are truly inspiring.

[@notdefining]

@@borisbenne8692 Thank you so much for sharing this. Your comments just add so much to the benefit people get from this channel (and I get so much out of reading them). Sending so much love.

[@dejairalexandrekeunecke2349]

Awesome video Mark, thanks!! I'm sure, I'm a 100% bi and I'm very proud 💖💜💙 Love being part of this wonderful community.

[@notdefining]

Hey thanks so much for your kind words, they really mean a lot. I love that you are part of our community too. If you fancy joining our intimate members community check out patreon.com/notdefining. Otherwise, I'm so glad you're here with us and can't wait to hear more about you and connect. Sending so much love. Mark x

[@spudowandme7868]

Thanks so much for this video! I was always doubting myself, thinking whether I was bi or whether I was just doing it because I wanted to be special, but now that I've seen this video, I can rest easy knowing that I can spend time with my boyfriend happily. And yes, it probably wasn't a good idea to get a boyfriend while I wasn't entirely sure whether I was bi, but I did it anyways and I'm happy I did. Again, thank you so much!

[@raven-sister]

okay this was just the most beautiful video I've ever seen on helping to figure out wether you're bi or not. For real, I was almost crying it was so perfect. Thank you so much for this! I loved your exact definitions (which were super helpful) and that you talked so calmly. I felt just absolutely accepted and supported. I wish I had seen that video when I was desperately trying to figure out if I was bisexual for sure (cause there was a reeeaaallyy long time when I was constantly doubting myself and took many tests in the internet but still wasn't sure wether I was just kidding myself). I'm out to some people now but the most important thing is that I'm finally out to myself and accepted that my feelings are bi. Especially your last point spoke to me cause I really wanted to be bi but I was just not sure wether I was bi enough and then tried to force my feelings so that I could be "gayer" but ironically this made me feel even sader and lonelier. I hope with all my heart that your video reaches all the people having the same trouble in accepting themselfs as bi that I had! I love you all

[@notdefining]

Wow thank you for these powerful words. They have touched my heart so much. I’m so glad that you have reached this place of acceptance. I know how hard it can be and that’s why I make this content. I’ve been there too. Sending so much love to you. Mark x

[@raven-sister]

@@notdefining ♡♡

[@detoth67]

I’ve lived closeted because of hate heard from family, friends, etc… all I’ve ever needed was someone to tell me that being bisexual is ok. That I’m not subhuman. That my drive isn’t evil. I’ve been filled with regret lately. Regret that I could have had more loving relationships and more amazing sexual experiences. Had it not been for terror that I’d lose family, friends, and be shredded as deviant. I’m coming to terms with this. These videos help. I’ve wasted so much time hiding in fear.

[@brycemcgovern2278]

thank you so much! it can be so hard sometimes dealing with the feeling of not being bi enough because I'm only physically attracted to men, or because my interest in the can go up and down. seeing your videos reminds me that Im valid in my bisexuality and that I'm bi enough. thanks!

[@Kxkxkxktls123]

So I am bisexual after all… I will confess to my friend tomorrow. Wish me luck!

[@notdefining]

Best of luck. Proud of you.

[@YinWarZone]

Hey how did it go...

[@Kxkxkxktls123]

@@YinWarZone I’m too scared to tell her. I thought it would be easier but in the last moment I backed down. We’ll wait and see I guess.

[@YinWarZone]

@@Kxkxkxktls123 Take your time. Tell her/him when ever you are ready. No need to rush. Am rooting for you 💓🍁

[@justaturky2890]

I am only slightly confused because I said I was a lesbian, but when ever I think of dating a man I do not get the same euphoric excitement.

[@notdefining]

That’s perfectly normal

[@Alex-tm4ih]

7:42 I cant even express how much I appreciate this. It has been a super long road for me but the hardest part has been others telling me that I'm mistaken about my own identity.

[@notdefining]

Hey thank you so much for saying. I appreciate you. ❤️❤️❤️

[@Early_bird76]

I've been struggling with this for ages, thanks this is one of the few good videos on this that helped me

[@notdefining]

Glad to hear it!

[@JD96893]

I never really dated much and I just fell in love with my best friend who is of the opposite sex. So i never explored this side of me. She is the one who kind of helped me discover I'm bi because these things are still very taboo in my country, but she is more open minded and has a close gay friend. I just kind of shut out and ignored these feelings and urges I had or just thought that I felt a strong friendship with that person(even though I wanted more sometimes). After all, I'm already in a straight relationship so it's doesn't matter, I thought. We are happily married, but understanding this about myself is also important. I don't know how I didn't realize this before, I guess I was conditioned to find being gay disgusting. I will say I have a preference for women, especially since I find femininity more attractive, but also you just don't see more feminine or gender neutral men where I live. I'm about all there is and I don't even do everything I want to, to appear more "normal".

[@notdefining]

Hey thank you so much for sharing your thoughts here. You are so welcome and loved. If you ever want to chat we're here. Sending big hugs from your overseas community x

[@isabellightwood1943]

Omg tysm! This is the first video that doesn’t just ask “Have you ever had a crush on people of multiple genders?” 😂

[@extraterrestrial7424]

I have only had experiences with women, but I still think I am bi, because there is a certain type of guys that attract me perhaps even more than most women. It's just those are extremely rare + only some of them are not straight + even those of the subsection of the section may also have difficulty overcoming the "how do I know if he's not straight" barrier like I have. Oh, and yes, very well explained. Made me realize the spectrum is really broad and there is not just one right way or just one correct definition.

[@notdefining]

Yes totally. It is very broad and open.

[@tracynottage356]

I definitely define myself as a bisexual female, I am physically attracted to both men and women, both will make me aroused and I am also homocurious , so I know for definite personally exactly what my orientation is, I am a bisexual female

[@teodorvelichkov2193]

Thank you so much for this video, Mark, now I surely know I'm bi! 🥰 💓💜💙

[@notdefining]

Hey I’m so glad it was helpful. Welcome to the community. You are so accepted and loved. 💖💜💙

[@бэйбигидра]

100% bisexual and proud

[@dragonpusheens3770]

Thank you so much for this, when I am watching your videos I feels so safe like I have never felt before when questioning weather I’m straight,,, I often blame myself for thinking that I might be bi or pan and tell myself that I’m not gay enough to identify as one of these but this video really helped thank you so much❤

[@notdefining]

Thank you for your kind words. You deserve to feel safe.

[@Skoopyghost]

You know how baritone and alto can train to sing low and high. I always use the analogy where the baritones and the altos are like the bisexuals of the musicians . You have very flexible choices when it comes to dating.

[@notdefining]

OMG I'm a baritone and a bisexual. What does this mean?!

[@d1sasteroid]

i’m an alto and bisexual omg

[@WeV_R]

Alto and bi love this comment

[@yarrowc.122]

Mark, you’ve got a new sub, this video was so clarifying I just loved it. I’m going through a hard time figuring out my sexuality (I’m realizing I may be Bi), and I have a feeling that you’re gonna be a great help, thank you so much 💜

[@notdefining]

Ah thanks so much. I’m so glad and you are the most welcome. Sending love.

[@charlesgoodson5774]

I believe that Mark is an attractive guy. He's "husband material" for the person he decides to be with.

[@notdefining]

Well that just went and made my day. Thank you. 😍

[@charlesgoodson5774]

@@notdefining You're welcome, man. The pleasure is all mine.

[@l0ve_veronica101]

You explained it so well than the other vids I watch. Made me really confirm that I am bi

[@notdefining]

Hey I’m so glad. You’re 1000% valid and welcome in our community always.

[@fececiliaparedes2188]

hi admin mark,good day. thank u so much for this very informative video:) it really helps alot on my part. I had been hiding after all this years because of what will my family reacts when they found out that I am Bi. my sister was the one first voiced out too and she accepted me as Bi. i love myself as bisexual:) thank u once again,admin mark:) have a nice day:)

[@notdefining]

Hey thanks for saying. I’m so glad it helps. Sending much love from (real) Mark! 😂🩷

[@nicholasnatale7094]

you know, I just recently came out as bisexual to my friends because of this video. They call me the bisexual beast and I love it. thank you my bisexual king.

[@xOrkie]

About two years ago I liked a girl. (Or well, I think I did, I always thought about them, smiled when thinking about them, got so nervous when seeing them, physically and mentally and getting soo red when seeing them). Over the past few months I have been thinking about it more, I even dreamed about being with a woman and also think about it quite alot. And after watching this video I am almost entirely 100% I am bisexual. I don't know if I would every marry a woman, a relationship absolutely, but idk where the resistance comes from.. can anyone help me? (:

[@notdefining]

It’s perfectly normal to have resistance. We are conditioned from an early age to feel aligned with male female. When you feel the resistance try noticing where it shows up in your body. Put a hand on that place. Consciously release the tension in your muscles. See how it feels. Fear will come up. That’s okay. Sit with it for a moment. Do that every time the resistance comes up and show yourself love. If you’d like to chat more come over to Patreon.com/notdefining and we can chat 24/7. Or I do 1:1 coaching through notdefining.square.site. Hopefully our community will respond as well in the comments. You’re not alone. Sending love.

[@Biggest_Luisa_Fan]

OMG This is one of the best videos on bisexuality I've ever seen! Nice work!! :D These videos are so extremely helpful; your channel is so underrated. By the way, I'll be giving you a shoutout on my channel soon! I'm almost 100% certain that I am bi, and am very open about it online and to the people I'm out to in real life. But sometimes, to this day, I still get super confused and have doubts over it, mainly because I've never been in a romantic relationship with anyone before. I know for sure that I like guys; I've had INTENSE crushes on guys before, throughout my whole life. And the thought of being with a man someday makes me so happy. My attraction to women is where my confusion mainly comes in. :'( On one hand, I've definitely experienced VERY strong and passionate feelings towards other women before; not being able to stop thinking about them, imagining romantic scenarios with them, etc. I also absolutely love femininity in general, in women, men, or any other gender. And when I see a gorgeous woman who's my type, my heart goes absolutely wild! I also adore watching films and shows with good LGBTQ+ representation! What mainly confuses me is that while I've had many crushes on girls throughout my life, I've only ever fallen COMPLETELY head over heels in love with ONE person, who is a guy. The feelings I've had for all of my girl crushes seem so small compared to what I felt for him, which sometimes makes me question if they were really crushes at all. Also, generally, when a cute girl I meet gives me a compliment or smiles at me, I...don't really feel anything. Whereas if a cute guy I meet does the same thing, even if it's just in a polite or friendly way, I get SOOOO overly excited (in the best way lol!). Whenever this happens, I start to panic a little and worry that maybe I'm not attracted to girls at all, and perhaps should have waited until having had more experience before choosing an identity. I also feel concerned every now and then if maybe the only reason I'm so drawn to women and femininity is because I love BEING feminine myself. And what if the only reason I love LGBTQ+ representation so much is just because I'm just a really strong ally or something? To make things even MORE confusing, I've noticed that my feelings for women tend to change frequently, being stronger on some days and weaker on other days, whereas my feelings for men are almost always strong and very present. I don't know; it's all so confusing. But as I said, I do feel very confident in the bi identity 90% of the time, and am probably just experiencing some internalized biphobia or something. Anyways, thanks for reading! Excellent work on the video as always! You're so kind!

[@notdefining]

Hey thank you so much for your kind words and for offering to give me a shout out. This helps so much and I'm honoured. Thank you also for describing your experiences so clearly and honestly. Lots of people read these comments and will really gain strength and relate - so thank you. I totally hear what you're saying about the different ways of feeling about men and women and questioning whether one is as strong as the other and whether they're kind of equal... The beauty of bisexuality is that all of what you just described is 100% the most text book typical bi I think I've ever heard! The questioning, fluidity, confusion and wondering is a hallmark of bisexuality. You are so bi and should be super proud. There is absolutely no certainty in bisexuality. There is never a moment where you go "yep, I'm definitely completely 50:50 men and women and I'm completely 100% firmly bi and I don't need to question anything again..." Our bi identity means so much to us because it is what anchors us to stability WITHIN our instability. It is the celebration of diversity and variance and fluidity. It is about saying "I am a bit of this and a bit of that" it's about saying "I'm kind of this sometimes but also sometimes that" it's about saying "I don't really know what I am but I am confident in not knowing". This is the beauty of our community and you sound like you have a gorgeous, exciting and wonderfully unique set of feelings which are so valid just as they are. I'm always here to chat it out if it's helpful as it can get so confusing sometimes I know. Anyway, sending love and hugs however you define as always. Mark x

[@Eunoia445]

I legitimately like this one girl but I remember last time I dated her I lost interest within a week cause I wanted to date a boy, but now I REALLY like her.

[@notdefining]

That’s entirely natural but of course I can imagine confusing.

[@nightcoreyuno]

You covered and validated every question I had. Thank you.

[@notdefining]

Glad it was helpful!

[@treehouse641]

You are so incredibly kind in your speech and explanations. thank you for being you! And I'm sure I am demi now. Thanks for clarifying everything

[@notdefining]

Hey you're so welcome. I'm delighted it helps. You're doing great and I'm glad we can connect and relate. Sending so much love to you.

[@KrypticDonut]

Im bisexual im fairly comfident now. I know how i feel around people my own gender and people of a different gender. They are somewhat different but i still i think its hard to define a physical attraction for me. I get really nervous around people i like my whole body reactes when they appear. Its not warm but im pretty sure thats what you mean.

[@notdefining]

Hey thanks for sharing. I totally feel you on this.

[@allottafahchina3563]

Im a married male in my early 50's and have questioned my sexuality since i was a teen. At the very least i would say to myself that i was Bi because while i was romantically and physically attracted to my women i also have a physical attraction to men. Earlier this year i came out to my wife whom was very understanding and allowed me the flexibility to explore. I have to say that while ive enjoyed the experiences ive had i dont feel that my sexuality is anymore or less defined. Rather ive just decided to not label it and go with the flow.

[@notdefining]

Hey that’s so great. Thanks so much for sharing. A lot of people will read this, relate and be inspired.

[@GloriousPurpose2008]

Thank you so so much I’ve been confused about my sexuality for about 2 years. I’ve constantly been questioning my self and even though last year I told my friends I was bi I still wasn’t sure I just didn’t want to feel as though I had to hide it if I had a crush on a girl rather than a boy. More recently I’ve been thinking about it even more and second guessing myself especially as I don’t really fit the stereotypes of a lgbtq+ person but I after watching this I felt so much more comfortable and confident with being bisexual. You explained everything so well and clearly so I just want to say thank you for giving me the ability to really understand and accept myself

[@CherryBerryFashion]

This is the most helpful and validating video I have ever watched! Finally I feel like it’s valid for me to call myself bisexual and also I feel so seen because I am bisexual but not biromantic and I was worried that it somehow disqualified me from being bi. So comforting to hear someone validating my experience 😭❤️ 2/07/2024

[@sssophie9292]

"Bi For now" So simple yet reassuring

[@madieschmidt9988]

You heloed me so much just to see their are different things people feel and all of them are okay. Iv have 1 and 2 for girla but i never really rhought guys as "attractice" if i did it was just of hes good looking i guess. It makes me struggle figuring out if im lesbian or bi. But this video really helped me know that everything is valid. Thank youuuuu!

[@notdefining]

You’re so welcome

[@Favtubes]

I have found out I'm bisexual and thank you for this video or I would have never found out that I'm bisexual

[@notdefining]

This means a lot.

[@yeshviniks236]

thank you so much... im bisexual woman... i had intense feelings towards most of my female bestfriends but i always thought its just jealousy or something like that every girl has towards her bestfriend but i for sure know that its not just jealousy or other type of emotional but i think its definetly something more... and the sexual aspect was always there but i just wanted to confirm romantic aspect /// thank you once for the clear cut points

[@shukriramlee]

Because men are expected to be masculine and straight. So, if they know that you're bi (which mean that you're defaultly attracted to women) they expected you to be straight and forget about men or just be completely gay.

[@notdefining]

Exactly

[@idarantorp9316]

Thank you for this video. I'm 38 and in the past 10 years I've been extremely attracted to 2 women/non binary and I've been unsure weather I was valid as bi or not. But I feel like I am bi but I just haven't felt it before now.

[@OceanusHelios]

You are valid as whatever you choose to be or can't help being, are born as you are, or if you change, you are still valid. You are not confused if you like what you like when you like it. I'm a bisexual man who greatly prefers women. Sometimes I might feel an attraction towards certain men, but it is rare and short lived. Personally I think soceity has always been a bit backwards on this issue. In Ancient Rome bisexual was not the exception but the norm until Christianity got invented. In Greece and Rome and most places it was seen as normal and healthy and not worthy of making a big deal about. For rulers however it was much more important as it could change the politics drastically without the production of an heir. In Rome they didn't get hung up on blood ties as much so they would adopt regularly and choose heirs based on merit and virtues. Fun facts. And what you do in your bedroom and with whom is your business.

[@notdefining]

You are 100% valid. Period.

[@ididntsaythis8109]

I came out nearly 20 yrs ago, shortly before starting a hetero relationship that I’m still in. I recently hit a crisis point and felt like maybe I misunderstood the attraction and just experimented. I wish I had these resources back then. Between your videos and finally talking to other bi males, so much of my life and traits, and experiences aren’t so weird. All of the similarities between complete strangers has reassured me, I was 💯 normal. Truely, thank you.

[@notdefining]

I’m so glad we found each other. Thank you for being here.

[@jayom3ga]

I love this video. Came out to myself then others a few years ago. Thank you so much for this vid. 💙💜💖

[@notdefining]

Hey I’m so proud to hear this. You’re so welcome.

[@socialistsolidarity]

I wish someone explained this to me when I was growing up. Thanks Mark!

[@notdefining]

You and me both!

[@sunset4079]

I just needed the first minute and needed an actual definition for it haha i still watched the whole video just to be sure

[@notdefining]

Hey no worries. Thanks for watching. Check out my playlist on bisexuality. It’s got lots of information there.

[@anivulpes]

I’ve watched some videos now… This was a really, really good one. Thanks. Im still questioning, but this has defiendly helped! I Think i might be… Not sure though. Thanks again

[@notdefining]

Glad it was helpful!

[@kid-ava]

your channel is lovely, so glad I found it 💗

[@notdefining]

Omg yay thanks. I’m so glad you’re here too.

[@lizbethvilla9180]

Love your pfp 😻😻

[@kid-ava]

@@lizbethvilla9180 thanks honey, jungkook is so awesome 💜💜

[@morgan_drui]

I’m 💯 straight and 💯 gay that’s 200% bisexual

[@Nina-ze5te]

That was such a great video regarding the topic, keep up the wonderful work!

[@isabelbrown7574]

This video popped up for me after watching a different video about being bi as I figured out I was bi when I was in grade 11 so 17/18 years old I’m now 22 and have been doubting myself as I’ve had others doubt my sexuality as I’ve only ever been in relationships (romantic and sexual) but right now I am more strongly attracted to women but I always get the how do you know if you’ve never been with one and it sucks the ending of your video hit me hard I started crying as it’s what I absolutely need to hear rn as like you said nobody gets to question my sexuality as that is something completely me, myself and I know and think about and nobody else can feel what I feel so thank you

[@lazyyy966]

I was sitting on the couch and thought: it would be great to have the relationship with girl/woman as a female myself. Than imagined how good it might be and then got confused: does it mean I'm bi? Straight ppl wouldn't think so ig... I had this feeling for a long time but only now I decided to understand what am I feeling. Ty :)

[@notdefining]

Hey thanks so much for sharing. This is totally natural and normal. You can definitely define that as bi. Then it’s up to you whether you feel it’s a word you want to use to describe yourself or not.

[@Pipersquad21]

Thank u so much for this I’m a teenager and recently discovered I’m bisexual

[@scribblecloud]

is it possible to not feel romantic attraction but have a crush??? because the way people describe romantic attraction or love often feels kinda different for me i think it may be more like physical attraction? Just finding them really exciting and interesting and cute/hot/attractive and having a kind of infatuation and clouded feeling and just wanting to be around them, but not wanting or needing a relationship Ive had something that kinda sounds like romantic love SOMETIMES, like just that feeling of "i really really care for and love this person". but that felt kind of more like a deep bond and friendship and maybe a little bit of a crush feeling? and its very rare and fleeting

[@notdefining]

Yes it is. Absolutely.

[@roniakav2993]

Hey thank you so much for this video I just figured out I think I am actually bi

[@notdefining]

Glad I could help! Love this.

[@luissantana9596]

Oh God this week has started quite strongly

[@elliechandler4794]

I questioned whether or not I was bi for all of high school and my first year of college. I just finished my second year not that long ago and now I know that I definitely am lmao. However, because of family and religious influence I still have the occassional doubts and this video helped me feel way more confindent in my decsion :)

[@crazybiguy1966]

I like guys and girls, but still wasn’t sure until I got my first male fwb, I went down on him the first time we met ..no hesitation..yup I’m bi

[@notdefining]

Hey thanks for sharing. That’s fab. I love that you have this clarity.

[@t.7496]

Anyone else here who alway thought they where straight and then one person starts a big confusion in your head? Once you're straight and then suddenly you meet someone who just makes you stare like WOW, so now you're just confused. I still don't feel atraction to other women but if she would kiss me, I think I would love it. But then with other women I don't, I still think men are way more attractive and now I'm just confused.

[@johngagon]

I'm fascinated by your accent. It sounds like RP-English with French underlayer. Am I close? For reference, I'm in the US. Is that fascination something more? You'd have to reply with that question. ;) As for content, thank you for that. I have also viewed some videos by Joe Kort on this topic and he refers to the "beach test". I'm a little surprised Kinsey wasn't mentioned. Maybe you've touched on that elsewhere. In any case, you mentioned the romantic layer as compared to friendship and given bisexuality, it seems it could be a blur unless you add in the physical attributes, secondary or primary.

[@notdefining]

Hey thanks so much. I do mention Kinsey in my other videos so good point. I was born in England but am Scottish and lived in Scotland most of my life. So that’s why it’s got a bit of a non English layer. I am an Arab speaker as well as my second language and I speak fluent French as well so you’re not far off.

[@Skywatcher973]

Thank you, Mark, for the thought and experience you’ve put into this! You express yourself so clearly, and you have a lovely, warm heart. 💙💜🩷

[@sweby7777]

I'm still kind of unsure... I know I could imagine myself with both genders but I don't know if its just that, Imagination. I do know I'd still prefer man over woman so I might even be a confused straight... I'd be okay to be bi I'd just like to know :/ like, maybe I don't feel real attraction to woman but just like their aesthetic?

[@notdefining]

Hey I get you. Check out my latest video called “am I really just gay?” It goes into this exact topic.

[@delturion]

What a great yt channel. Very informative. Keep going!

[@notdefining]

Thanks so much.

[@santjevana8279]

I had this feeling for my friend when I was very young and the feeling stayed for years. I haven't felt it for anyone else. Now I am very happily together with my boyfriend, but I am not sure whether I am ever able to find out if the feelings were real...

[@notdefining]

The feeling was real. It happened. There is nothing else to find out.

[@peterodriguez9066]

Great video! Well expressed

[@notdefining]

Hey thanks so much.

[@reapersans1250]

This video was really useful i was really confused about ifni was bie or not but this video has helped confirm it so thanks

[@KateSmith-t2i]

Thankyou Mark. So helpful

[@notdefining]

You’re so welcome

[@Justin-l2d]

A question I bring before watching the video: Is it okay to be a man, and want to be with a woman and not with a man, but still find men just as attractive as women? Watching the video I ask "what does all of this mean? How should I define myself? Am I gay? Am I straight? Is it okay to be mostly straight or is that disapproved of? Then again if I'm mostly straight then why do I feel attracted to men? If that makes me gay, then why am I also attracted to women?" Romantic - bond and affection to a particular person. So if I like to be around someone, that is considered romantic? I mean at what point is it more than just friendship? Could I be confusing romance and friendship? I haven't had many friends until just recently in adulthood so I'm still getting used to being around people. What I notice is an affection or perhaps a certain level of comfort being around people that I've gotten used to being around - like I let my guard down - is this what it means to have friends? Furthermore, shouldn't we feel connected to everyone? What is physical attraction? Hmm... does this include thoughts of kissing a man because this thought does occur sometimes. It's like I don't want to but the thought still happens. Then let's say that I do experience physical attraction to more that one sexual identity. Sometimes I'll see a guy with toned muscles and think that's attractive but not feel any sort of connection. Desire for a relationship. Well, honestly I want a relationship with a woman. Now due to feeling an innate connection with some men that I feel comfortable with, I have thoughts of being in a relationship with a man and then I think that it's socially acceptable so it's definitely a possibility. However, I still deeply want to be in a relationship with a woman. I mean what about platonic love or close friendships? I can be connected with my male friends without it becoming anything more than that and that is okay. I mean it's okay if it was more than that perse. I still feel like I'm missing something here. Hmm... would I like to have sex with a man? Heck no. Would I like to have sex with a woman? Heck yes. 4. Would I like to define as bisexual? I mean if I didn't identify as bi, then wouldn't I be lying to myself? How would I say that I'm straight and yet think about kissing a man? It wouldn't make sense. On the same hand, I would rather be in a relationship with a woman. Hmm... actually it wouldn't matter whether I was gay, straight, bi, etc and I could still be friends with the LGBTQ+ community. I mean can I just be bicurious? Okay so on the way to becoming gay? No, I don't want to have sex with a man. Would people make fun of me if I said I was bicurious? Well yes, many people can behave like asshats. Should I give a crap what people think? No. That was a pretty good video :D

[@Tesstarossa51]

I’m definitely very confused because I feel sexual attraction to men and women, but only romantic towards men. That’s why I don’t want to identify as bi because I don’t want women to try to get with me or anything, because I tried on the bi label before and that happened, and I also didn’t feel comfortable with it. But I feel like if I admit that I can be physically attracted to women people will try to tell me that I’m bi anyways and I can’t call myself straight, or that people will accuse me of being homophobic. I also just feel weird because everyone else I know seems way more confident in their sexuality than I do. This was definitely reassuring though

[@Spectrolm60]

So I only feel romantic attraction towards men, but only sexual attraction to women. Am I bisexual?

[@notdefining]

That is a valid bisexual identity if you chose to have that label yes.

[@hannahh.7770]

That is exactly what I feel! I find women sexually attractive, but I don't think I would want to be in a relationship with a woman. So confused

[@Tatorthot-lg1pn]

I’m so confused and lost I’m tired of questioning myself I’ve been with men and women and never hated either but I find my self questioning and struggling I have a boyfriend and we’ve been together 1 year and 2 months and I love him so much and I’m happy idk I just wish I had people to relate to who’s going through what I’m going through.

[@notdefining]

We are here for you. If you’d like to conne t with other people who are experiencing the same and get support from me direct plus group zoom chats and more come to Patreon.com/notdefining.

[@anxious_math_student]

I was wondering, how sexual fantasies and preferences for porn come into the picture? I've always considered myself straight up until recently, but I came to find certain same sex fantasies exciting, which made me a bit confused. Adding to the confusion, I don't find myself being attracted romantically or sexually to people of my sex in real life and I have a strong preference for being in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex. On top of that, when I allowed myself the possibility of being bi(curious) and tried exploring those fantasies more in detail (instead of having them as just pretty abstract thoughts), they were also a let down. Right now I consider myself bicurious, but it also sounds such a silly label, that if anyone would ask, I'd just rather say I'm straight or bi

[@JDMimeTHEFIRST]

I think I’m biromantic. Ive felt obsessed over so many women throughout my life (always just one at a time) and thought it was just friend feelings. I’ve never felt a need to have sex with a woman, but would marry /live with one. Though, that may just be a response to having to date straight men and deal with misogyny. Also, I’m autistic and everything I do is intense. So it’s very confusing. 😅

[@chloesbakingcorner6192]

Yup, definitely bi!

[@notdefining]

Hello family

[@grdndl]

Well this helped quite a lot man appreciate it

[@notdefining]

I’m so pleased

[@denis8563]

Thanks for your informative and great video. I am so appreciative, handsome Mark:） I just ran across the channel today. I always believe I am bi coz I do have the bi radar. For example, when my gay friend showed me one new guy's pic, I could tell that guy is bi or not through my intuition. Another crazy example was that one Filipino guy suddenly asked me directly if I am bi when I was packing up my luggage in one hostel of Thailand in 2019.😂 In my whole life, I always had the transition to sexual feeling between guys and girls. I had the affection to some girls when I was younger. I also had a confession to one girl who I liked for 3 years when I was 20. It was unforgettable and awful result. I didn't know she was already taken. Besides, I am more attracted by good-looking people. If I could meet them online or face to face, I would feel shy and flushed. I would like to make friends with them. I like to watch pretty girls dancing more than guys. (I guess so) I am 31. I can feel I have more (sexual) feelings for guys than girls. I would have that feeling for girls as well sometimes. I found it so hard to meet new girls. Even meeting guys is just a little bit easier for me. 😅 In my confusing situation, I wondered as a guy who never had intercourse with girls, does it count as bi?🤔

[@elicordero4019]

Some time ago I came out as bisexual in fact, two people I know claimed they saw signs also experimented and sent nude pictures of men to women.

[@notdefining]

Hey thanks for sharing

[@elicordero4019]

@@notdefining what's your opinion

[@notdefining]

@@elicordero4019 My opinion is I'm always very proud when someone from our community comes out. How are you feeling about it?

[@elicordero4019]

@@notdefining I'm ok but worried at first about being accepted but now don't really care

[@notdefining]

@@elicordero4019 What changed to make you not care?

[@nicktin]

I needed this, I have thought for a few years that i wasn't "Bi enough" because I do prefer women and any interest in other sexes/genders comes and goes at random. I feel way more validated to consider myself bi after seeing this. I only wish i had the confidence to be my full self around friends and family.

[@notdefining]

You are bi enough

[@nicktin]

@@notdefining thank you x

[@Yibambe.]

Thanks so much for this video. Confirms for me that I can honestly say I am bi.

[@MimUniverse30]

I was bisexual then the gay in me went away then come back Do you think 🤔 I'm 100% bisexual

[@notdefining]

Sounds like you have some fluidity to your orientation. It’s totally valid under the bisexual label yes.

[@MimUniverse30]

@@notdefining thank you for that I feel like I know now I am bisexual

[@WeV_R]

Thank you it didn't klick in me that there are more aspacts of being bi than just being atracted to 2 genders. I guess i can call myself bi now☺

[@notdefining]

Yes absolutely. I’m so glad it made sense.

[@Auspop]

I know I label myself Pansexual, but somedays I question if I am omnisexual because somedays I have a gender preference, other times not, or sometimes I may question if I have any attraction at all, because I think it takes emotional bonds for me to feel attraction to people, other times not :/

[@mihailoaleksic3330]

Personally, this didn't completely clear my mind, but instead of just straight, I'm now gonna tell some people that I'm straight and open to trying new things. If I date a boy, or frick a boy, and like it, then I'm bi. I don't really think I could define myself as not straight before experiencing a non-straight relationship.

[@notdefining]

Hey that’s fab. Sounds like a great idea.

[@mihailoaleksic3330]

@@notdefining Thanks, I thought about it for a few months and realized that's the best route to go to

[@anime3209]

I'm not bi or gay I'm straight hoooo I'm happy that I'm straight

[@Public.Enemy.Number1]

W

[@pawhunter340]

Damn that sucks you're stuck with liking one sex

[@dorinazebrapaw]

Hi, i have a guestion. I am 18 y.o. girl and i started to really question my sexuality lately. I think iam Bisexual Heteroromantic but i dont know if that is even i thing? I am not able to imagine being in a romantic relationship with a girl, because i love the idea having my own kids with a husband i would love. But, since i was i kid i noticed i had an sexual attraction to girls same as boys. I just burried sexual attraction to girls deeply inside of me because i grew up in with sort of homophobic family. Because of that, it scared me when i liked girl's boobs,butt,body in general,face, style, or when my body would get horny sometimes. I was so disgusted of myself. And i hated these feelings in me so much and i couldn't control it. But i saw few weeks later tv show "heartstopper" and i felt like it is okay to feel like this, i saw how lgbt+ people are having really hard time, and i felt like i also belong into lgbt+ comunity. The tv show changed my whole perspective of seeing things that i used to saw them and i am really confused right now.

[@notdefining]

Hey thanks for reaching out. It is absolutely so natural to feel all of these things. Bisexual heteroromantic is absolutely a thing in fact most bi people are like this. Most bi people are in hetero presenting relationships. It’s normal to be sexually attracted to the same gender but not be into a relationship with them. Sometimes this can be affected by the fact that we don’t grow up being taught about or seeing queer relationships around us so it’s difficult to picture ourselves in one. Sometimes there is fear and internalised homophobia there and sometimes there isn’t. Sometimes it’s just the way we are and that’s totally fine. Finally, the way we see relationships as marriage, monogamy, family etc is very hetero centric as well. The best thing to do is to follow what your heart and your body are telling you and know that if you follow that, regardless of what anybody tells you, you will be on the right track. Leave aside expectations and traditional ideas about relationships and have a blank slate. What feels good to you? What life would you like? What makes you feel great? And the best thing about it is that it can change. It can be fluid. It’s okay. It’s just to discover. You’re amazing and valid and going to be absolutely fine.

[@dorinazebrapaw]

@@notdefining Thank you so much, iam so glad that you are able to help people here in commmets for free ❤ My big dream always was to have a my own (hetero i guess you could to call that) family that i love them with my whole heart. Because i grew up with narcisistic mother, i never had a much love from my parents. So i just want to have a relationship with guy i would feel safe and have kids with and give them all my love as much as possible. But i cant ignore what is happening inside of me. I dont want to feel horrible anymore when iam attracted to women also. And i now i can see that my mother is actually like this too - she is in heteroromantic relationship with my dad. But she also has physical and sexual attraction for women and man. I even had a friend which her mom has the same case. Which i realized all of this just now. So, yeah, i think i just want to except the way that i am and not feeling horrible for that anymore.

[@notdefining]

Of course. You have been through a lot and it’s not easy. Your dreams are beautiful and possible. What does acceptaning your female attractions look like to you?

[@Ryucito44]

I identify with the two last points thanks this video helped me a lot to figure out Who I am

[@notdefining]

Hey I’m so glad. That’s what I hoped when I made it.

[@Bennett-wj9vg]

I'm not doing labels here for myself. It's too complicated right now. I can tell if I'm ace or bisexual. Mainly due to a few factors, such as being not really interested in actually being interested sex and yet wanting a man to love and vice versa while not being against being with a woman. It's odd. One moment, i don't feel anything, then I obese over a person and a specific gender depending I'm feeling that year. Maybe it's my internalised phobia of myself for being a guy and having these thoughts while also being fairly religious and all that jazz. I don't know, a few things going on in my day to day life that make these difficult to process and accept. Anyway, thank you for sharing your knowledge. It's kinda meaningful when a guy talks about this stuff for me compared to hearing it from a woman. It just hits differently. Well, love you all. You've been great. And make sure your socks are clean and fresh tomorrow .