I WILL NOT BE PURIFIED - Sophie Strand + Amanda Palmer + Gracie and Rachel

Written and read by Sophie Strand live at at Amanda Palmer's O+ Festival Benefit at The Old Dutch Church in Kingston, NY, August 13, 2022. Accompanying live music by Amanda Palmer & Gracie and Rachel.
O+ is an organization that empowers communities to take control of their collective wellbeing through the exchange of art, music, and wellness.​ During the festival, underinsured artists and musicians create and perform in exchange for a variety of services donated by doctors, dentists and complementary care providers. Find out more, and support, at opositivefestival.org.
Musicians and writers are empowering themselves to make fertile soil in which to make art. Weird projects like this - how on earth can something like this make a "profit"? - exist by the grace of patronage via patreon.com/amandapalmer. Please consider becoming a patron - for as little as $1 per month - so that we can continue to make soulful art from the heart that has no home in the ordinary commercial marketplace. And to the 10,000+ patrons who funded this undertaking, we all thank you deeply.
You can read an in-depth (public) post about this entire project here: / 73123715
.............
CREDITS:
Sound by Dave Chapman.
Piano: Amanda Palmer and Gracie Coates
Violin: Rachel Ruggles
Video and Audio post-production by Holly Miranda.
Support & follow the artists:
sophiestrand.substackcom
gracieandrachel.com
patreo.com/hollymiranda
Sophie's new book. "The Flowering Wand: Rewilding the Sacred Masculine" will be out November 22nd 2022. Pre-order now at simonandschuster.com or any online bookseller.

[@Marshmallow_Trees]

“I didn’t need to integrate the abuse, I needed to place it softly in dark soil. I needed to say, okay. You’re nasty. But please, make something grow.” ~Sophie Strand. Thank you for bringing this stunning voice to us. Her words made me sit up and consider.

[@sedaunlucay]

almost had me crying..so good

[@PixieBrunerPoet]

I have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, a connective tissue condition and Hidradentitis Suppurativa. This was relatable and once properly diagnosed and treated properly, I refused to go near alternative medicine. We are whole as we are, even with our traumas. Mental health is the greatest-self care.

[@Freakydelusion]

I also have EDS. I am so sorry.

[@shespeakssoftly]

Would you be willing to share anything that has helped you I should research about EDS? Thank you. 🙏🏻🤍

[@Perstefable]

This is so powerful and true it made me weep. I have fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome and you get it. You get it. I get my best advice from the trees. They never let me down.

[@ulexite]

This hits so hard, as some others here I have hypermobile Ehlers Danlos syndrome, a generic fault in my collagen production. Misdiagnosis, fibromyalgia, mental health related pain a life of chronic pain and fatuige then a bitter sweet stroke of luck, my mum has a rupture, a vein in her leg bursts, in hospital a Dr one of the few who knew of EDS and it's vascular variant spotted her, the tests began and she was diagnosed. Then we were tested, no vEDS but all the markers of hEDS. Now we work as a family to maintain bodies that can never be healed but also to heal the trauma of being ignored, dismissed, called lazy andd blamed for our own suffering. Healing is so powerful yet so hard to achieve especially when the healers of the world can't help you.

[@carolinemcguire6224]

I want to thank Sophie and Amanda and everyone else who brought this work of art into being. I am not chronically ill, but I am transgender. I find myself really comforted and empowered by Sophie’s words. I am so used to my existence being treated like an illness or an anomaly, something to be treated, fixed, corrected. That I was born wrong. That my transness makes me broken and I have to suffer until I find the rest of me and hope the pieces fit together. Thank you for helping me realize that those things are not true ❤️

[@jamiea.m.3037]

This was painful and gorgeous. Thank you all for coming together to create this.

[@micaelaoherlihy]

I taught a composting workshop this weekend and showed this and members of the audience gasped when she got to compost. It was really moving. As someone with Lyme and resultant connective tissues disease as well as a compost nerd and farmer, this rang truer than anything.

[@cynhanrahan4012]

I think you just gave me new ears. The narrative of my life has always been shame and secrets. The story needs a rewrite in my own words. Sophie, this is exactly what I needed to hear.

[@jazzredhawk-om5sl]

This blew me away with its synchronicity…sounds so like my life for the 10 years since I “broke.” Right down to EDS, rebirthing self in dark compost. I have been blessed, however, with a wonder of a trauma therapist, and healing and training with true shamans, both of which have led me to new ways of seeing and experiencing and being. Thank you for creating and sharing!

[@maniacallaugh1753]

Wow. Powerful words and imagery. I understand this. My kidneys are shutting down. I have a lot going on in my body. Lymph nodes swollen and pppbbbbbppp a lot more. I felt so sick from things doctors had prescribed me… I had to take a step back and look at what was important in MY life. My son. My daughter. My strong and resilient mom. I had enough. I started living and doing what my body said to do, as far as healing was concerned. The answers are in the Earth. Our natural mother. I’ve had the answers beneath my feet and all around me. Thank you, Sophie, your story really reminded me that there are others out there who share a common thread.

[@rallyformals]

I had just started watching this when my teenaged son walked into the room. We were both captivated and watched silently. Afterwards, he said "wow, that was dark. what was that?" We discussed a bit and he added that Sophie's vocabulary was unparalleled. xoxo

[@cynthiathomas857]

Sophie thank you. You have put into words what I have been struggling with most of my life except you have added a different perspective that I have desperately needed. Thank you. Please write the book. Whatever book you want. Please put it into existence.

[@seanfitton2687]

This is astonishingly horrifying and beautiful all at once

[@JimHoffman_Woodstock]

Thank you for sharing these important words. Beautifully stated.

[@JuanSoto-ns3pc]

Absolutely amazing. Thank you! ❤🧡💛💚💙💜🤎🖤🤍

[@xenateepee]

Astounding, personal, beautiful, painful art. Thank you.

[@toybokz]

BEAUTIFUL 💐💐💐

[@karendebraal4085]

I am validated. Thank you again and again. I am so eager to get your book and this video is brilliant. I would like to have it on a loop in my office ( I am an acupuncturist who is not a purification lightworker, but one who views the body as an ecosystem needing, yes, compost). My own healing journey resonates so deeply with this.

[@harisdiz.5817]

I was glued to every word... just... wow.

[@pmbluemoon]

Wow, I'm surprised I didn't see this sooner. I have undifferentiated mixed connective tissue disorder, and on so many pills I can't stand it. I've been thinking on these lines about how my immune system could be "bored", along with dealing with my 11 years of trauma as a kid growing up. This is right on the nose. Saving this to "best of the best" Thank all of you for this. 💖

[@daniellewieners4750]

This is the most beautiful thing that feels like it was made for this time in my life. I childhood sexual abuse, 2 kidnappings, a recent rape. I spent 5 years in therapy and was finally coined with Complex Post Traumatic Disorder when the diagnonsesnse 1st emerged. I was already physically disabled from MS wheelchair bound, the Doctor's with no empathy said I'd never walk or work again. I can walk, it took alot of Jack Black and Vicodin but I can walk!! I suffered as a child from Munchausen by Proxy and Substance use Disorders. Getting away from my family has been hard, I've tried to kill myself multiple times and astonishing to Doctor's and myself I have survived. Although I wish I wasn't here I do have some moments where I feel that I am right where I should be. I said a prayer for a man at the bus station wearing nothing but his clothes, a hospital band and a hospital blanket for a coat. I don't prescribe to any real religion just Altruism. Luckily he got on the same bus as I did and as he was sitting there sobbing I reached over and gave him a dollar. He was suffering the same way I am mentally with the alcoholism and had crashed the car he was living in the night before. I'm currently squatting in my old home filled with demon's from my past just trying to make it until Tomorrow Morning, choosing a handful of my artwork, poetry to take with me and clothing, hoping and praying that "Queen of Peace" the same Catholic type of institution can help me this time reach my goal of Supporting myself and becoming a peer support counselor. I was judged by these institutions as a child and made to go through the "Pray away the Gay" therapy @ ten through 11. It only damaged me worse because I was told my sexual abuse had caused this "disorder" and I fought back hard. I questioned everything. The 1st album I bought after shoveling snow was Nine Inch Nails "The Fragile". The song 'Even Deeper' gave me comfort while I was in therapy through my life and as a child that I WAS NOT ALONE!! Amanda Palmer's music, who I saw @ the Pageant with her "There will be no intermission" show was profoundly positive. Knowing your not alone is the most important thing in the world. And that's why I wanna do Peer Support. Screw Med School, I dropped out, I don't care about money, I want people like us to connect and be honest with each other. When I speak to "NORMAL" people I feel like I'm stuck in the Novel "Thus spoke Zara Thustra"!? I'm different by build and more empathetic because of the horrors and I choose not to look away but to be there in any way I can for my fellow people, animals etc. We're all connected. Don't be afraid of the darkness.

[@Seamannon]

Best wishes on your new path of counselling! I'm sure you'll be great. :) You've endured so much, there's probably a lot you can help others with. You also learned a lot about that strange kind of judgemental help most people see as 'normal' and virtous, you experienced the damage it can cause. I believe you can find a more compassionate way to help others and learn even more about how to have healthy boundaries and love yourself on the way. You are surely a beautiful and creative person with a lot of wisdom to share. The most precious diamonds can be found in the darkest places. Be well and good luck ;)

[@iainmelville9411]

WOW, such truth. Bravo.

[@GabaKulka]

Thank you.

[@AFloridaSon]

Wow! This is deep. It hurt my brain a little, but still, I like it.

[@Darrkness]

Wow! I hope this reaches those suffering and those who really need to hear and benefit from it!

[@LOVINGKINDNESS_SCHOOL]

❤❤❤❤

[@bellautopia818]

Your magic is music it's Medicine is love

[@bellautopia818]

Ive had c~diff as well ....and that's exactly what they do! give you more antibiotics, which just kill off even more of your probiotics! I went from 127 lbs down to 89 in 2 weeks... ... And don't forget your prebiotics kids.. (Nutrients for probiotics) Yay! meOW 🖤🧡🖤🧡🖤🧡🖤🧡🖤🧡🖤 PS .. eat dirt

[@felixsmittick9128]

Such a lovely and telling piece. 💞 Thank you ❣

[@LilLibben]

This deserves so much more love. I've never been properly diagnosed with anything, though they have tried. I've had enough scans, experimental treatments and therapies until death was just accepted as inevitable the next step but I'm still here. I suspect trauma has a lot to answer for but this entire pieces says it all... Thank you so much for creating this.

[@vcheekv]

💖💖💖

[@osamaafif]

❤

[@daniellewieners4750]

This was friggin amazing!! I hope there's more?

[@deanagamblin5730]

My thoughts, my experiences, are reflected in your words. Thank you for this beautiful composition

[@JoeMithiran]

Wow! That's very powerful. Thank you for your vulnerability.

[@Lisa-gl6po]

I too have Ehlers Danlos. So much time wasted on therapy for my “mental condition”. Here’s a poem a wrote. Chernobyl I have no poem for you this time No feelings left, you uninspire me Like the site of a nuclear meltdown You, a mere human, couldn't survive Yet strangely, in your absence the undergrowth is lush And the fruit abundant.

[@cmdrerniepaul]

Beautiful.

[@jazminebellx11]

Looking forward to climbing back into the dirt. Thank you for this.

[@shelahhorvitz3838]

That was wonderful. Thank you.

[@SunlightHugger]

Reminds me of that quote about the ecstasy of worms in good, rich compost.

[@robertburkewarrenvideos]

Beautiful. ❤🌿

[@damienosullivan193]

Hi hope you are well and you have a merry christmas.

[@herrdoktorseltsameliebe]

We need You for a real revolution, We need humans for a human's revolution against this positivistic and materialistic world. This is Avant-Garde, This is Music, This is Art. And you are Dinamite!

[@Ophelia_Pain]

Love you Amanda!!! ❤️❤️

[@mrstuffedtiger]

Holy fuck. You just told my journey’s story and that of many other people out there, I’m sure. Thank you ❤

[@LD-sh4dj]

Yes indeed.

[@ppdayz888]

So relatable

[@daniellewieners4750]

This reminds me of Sylvia Plath if she only ALLOWED TO SPEAK about what she was going through Mentally and physically ❤❤

[@clairebearosborne]

Stunningly beautiful and wise, thank you. I work as a therapist and have long asked myself the question "what is healing?" or "what am i offering my clients"? I still don't have a definitive answer and maybe the answers are different for each person i journey alongside for a while (including myself), but starting with being fully present and listening seems to be the foundation of any journey home to ourselves... and yes, listening to nature's teachings.

[@lourdesfolgarona6925]

I'm learning just that from the earth and now, I have healthy plants and fruits and green medicine for free. And inside, I feel peace. Thanks a lot for this precious poem

[@victorarchuleta4949]

Love, Love, Love, Love, Love...

[@zombiemistress52]

I don't have the words for how incredibly raw and beautiful and intense this was. I hope you are flourishing.

[@Msannaberb]

Amazing

[@Tenwii]

Beautiful and true. Everyone is welcome at the table.

[@alicehurst2234]

Wow!! The “happening” upon this…today…has meant everything. Has changed everything. Relatable in the most painful and joyful way. This is a poignantly profound offering. I applaud your talent and am grateful for your message. 🙏🏼💕

[@katjajmusic]

What I needed today. Thank you 💙

[@elizabethmoore16]

I LOVE this SO much and needed to hear this. Thank you! ❤

[@ramonavisconti674]

that was powerful!

[@michellewatersart]

This resonates with me so much. Thank you.

[@tamarapaquette5204]

Everything we need to know right now. Thank you Sophie

[@peopletreewellness]

SOPHIE STRAND - 💥🙏🏾❤️‍🩹❤️.

[@guitaleleoeuvre]

Amen!

[@brandyjean7015]

Powerful.

[@Sky-qu5ob]

Sobbing. Smiling. Thank you 💗

[@marksalazar4086]

That was beautiful ❤

[@somethingfromanything]

Beautiful

[@MikeGsaxman]

Beautiful, wholesome and real. Thank you. 🙏

[@memoryerror]

So Beautiful, wow

[@Dee_1133]

This is what of the most incredible things I have ever heard . Exceptional. Thank you for this

[@blackmonday738]

Powerful....

[@Arachne-qw1vr]

😮 it's happening. The world is healing

[@permalifestylehelen2879]

YES YES YES YES YES SOUL SOIL COMPOST

[@anikdean7582]

WOW I will not be purified is now my mantra

[@KATROCKCOUNTRY]

✨🔥

[@aleksandrawroblewska2481]

❤❤❤

[@shaneymarie_enchantress]

She is brilliant in every way

[@anneowen2416]

I'm in love with you Amanda

[@kathybramley5609]

Not uncontroversial, not everybody's path, but a well evoked path out of endlessly compromised existence. I see how there are elements shared with better therapy. I will add that I have long since struggled to accept an interesting fact that the diversity is partly existing in its stable-unstable equilibriums because soil bacteria and other organisms of decay and composting make their own antibiotics, it's where we get many of them from. I have however thought a lot about John the baptist's zen diet - how could eating honey and bitter gall be a model for choosing the good and rejecting the bad except as a metaphor for ecological balance and feedback mechanism - when one becomes unbearable the other becomes attractive and vice versa. I still feel this, my metaphoring about John the Baptist as some zen pendulum - has very limited things to say about sexual assault. But i have also been listening to very challenging articles on transformative justice today - an activist community supporting a survivor whilst holding an aggressor to account in two carefully organised groups, because police and criminal justice was not trustworthy or safe or centred on our humanity, and not an effective preventative either. But anyway that's something I chose to read/listen to only this evening,haven't finished and am still thinking about it. I know restorative justice attempts have sometimes gone very wrong, revictimising, and not a process people should be expected to go through. But it's hard work I admire and see some practical values in. Sometimes compost nasty things remains nasty, sometimes it's fertile. But compost is still fact, I guess. it should be chosen and constantly reviewed - which is it happens actually the purpose of the committee style working I dislike and find tedious. I wonder if there is some easier things or other things I can use it on. Or tackle things in priority order. In a way it sounds similar to satyagraha - Ghandi's philosophy- in terms of seeking the mutual good and dissolving barriers to empowerment and shared liberation. Article on transformative justice/TJ I mention is here: batjc.wordpress.com/resources/readings-media/

[@blackthornsloe8049]

This .

[@bloozmaru]

I didn't think I would like this-I was wrong. I was moved.

[@Thundernoob98]

Don’t watch this while you are high

[@daniellewieners4750]

Or the live 90's version of Hurt by Trent Reznor with the Decay in the background lol or the Movie "Eraserhead" made those mistakes and it broke my brain LMFAOO

[@bellautopia818]

@@daniellewieners4750 I know at first I didn't know what the hell it was because the sound was off I thought it was snuff

[@amandapalmer]

i would probably agree with this comment

[@townsotolo5528]

promosm ☀️

[@x1625]

Medical debt for those lucky enough to mortgage there life on top of student loan payments. Can you blame the poorly educated for letting this go on, or the highly educated for making it so.

[@oldxebeche]

But don't anyone dare mention viruses!

[@dylaninpieces2]

Please apologize for saying that word.

[@PhoenixProdLLC]

I like Amanda but i'm not into this "earthy jesus" preaching, thanks anyway.

[@rrich52806]

Sucks...

[@janacampbell415]

❤