The one thing emotionally immature people don't do, but YOU should

[@AnaPsychology]

Go to shortform.com/drana for a free trial and 20% off! Access thousands of the best book summaries for the price of one book per month.

[@brianmillerspeaks]

Wonderful, Ana. I'm a keynote speaker on human connection, and I'm often asked by audience members, "What do I do when someone tells me about their job/hobby/major and I have no interest in it?" I always respond, you don't have to be interested in it. You just need to be interested why they're interested in it. My favorite framing is to give yourself a new title: Collector of Stories. You job isn't to care about the stories you hear or even find them interesting, just to collect them. And you'll be shocked when we allow people space to share their stories with us, how often we actually DO find them interesting. Long time viewer, first time commenter :) Deeply appreciate your work, and I've shared your channel with my wife who is a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in kids.

[@whisperpone]

Yes! A lot of people just want someone to listen to them, and when you do so, they really appreciate it, even if you aren't interested in the contents of the story. I'm always interested in what motivates people, and those stories are a great window into some of their motivations.

[@terig8974]

Thank you so much for this. I'm an extreme introvert and not a people person. I have such a hard time connecting with people and I don't share a lot of interests with the average person. I do however love gathering information. This will make it so much easier.

[@ribs.6683]

Ooooh, it's in words!!! 💗 this is what I do most of the time! Most times, if the job, hobby, or interest of theirs isn't interesting to me, I derive joy from listening to them talk about it! 💗 I do kinda end up in trouble when I seem too enthusiastic about it then they ask me if I wanna try and I honestly don't so the conversation feels like it's gonna end in a bad note ✋🏻😭

[@AndréCarvalho-b4k]

This is helpful. Thank you!

[@stevepoper8073]

I like that this advice is a lot more specific than "Listen to others." As a neurodivergent that struggles with social cues and customs, I don't feel that generic advice is too helpful. But when you explain it like such, take an interest in other people's interests..it's a lot more specific and helpful

[@simplyixia3683]

Even if you don’t find their interest all that interesting, presumably you LIKE the person, and find them interesting in and of themselves. So you can be more invested in how passionate they are about it and how happy it makes them, even if the thing is not something you want to explore/do with them. Being supportive goes a long way to make them feel valued and cared for. :)

[@muleFUEL1]

I've always been a very good listener, so it was very validating to hear that I am already doing this; giving people the space to express themselves. That's probably why people like talking to me. It's a shame I'm having trouble finding people who are willing to listen to me.

[@jessebrazeal1861]

I love it whenever people ramble on about their interests. I have a friend who is really interested in chemistry, and I love it whenever she gets so passionate about it. I may not really understand much chemistry but I love seeing her so happy about something.

[@_Celine_26]

You sound like my bestie who loves hearing my ramblings about MBTI and cognitive functions haha

[@AnaPsychology]

That’s so sweet! :)

[@kaedatiger]

Me when my bestie goes on about Chinese language. I can't always follow how deep his interest goes, but seeing him be in love with it gives me secondhand joy.

[@richardgatling4663]

I noticed my sister did this with her son when he expressed interest in a girl. She flat out told him “I’m not a fan of that girl”. I don’t think she understands how damaging that can be.

[@IvanaSapuová]

My mom did this all the time and somehow didn't understand why I wouldn't want to open up to her 😁 ngl, this is the first time I'm realising it as well. I would probably never realise if it wasn't for this video. But I would still think why is it that I just don't want to talk to her

[@Octobris]

Wow. Words like this can sabotage any possible relationship her son might get into in the next few *decades*.

[@sergio.tellez]

This is really important! I have been in both sides. As a kid my family was really harsh, judgemental and non inclusive, to the point I felt like a neighbour that happened to live with them. As a result I isolate from them (on top of the isolation they put on me), and I isolate from friends and others too. But now I actively try to be more open and show genuine interest in others. It doesn't matter if I don't understand why you like something. If you like it, it's important.

[@ahoneysuckle]

this video is SO HELPFUL! i was raised by emotionally immature parents, and i used to think the way they speak was the way everyone spoke. i want to correct this, because i never want to make people feel unheard by mimicking my parents!!

[@AnaPsychology]

Breaking intergenerational patterns, I love it!!

[@kaedatiger]

I had to break so many bad habits from my parents too. At this point I find it too annoying to be around them and their stuck beliefs about how to treat people.

[@ahoneysuckle]

@@kaedatiger felttt 😩 i realized that if we had to literally unlearn their bad habits, they were probs learned to be emotionally immature from their parents too. being upset is so valid, but forgiving my parents helped me to let go of the stress of being angry. but w my narc parent, i just try not interact w him any more than whats necessary tbh lol.

[@TheChurchofBreadandCheese]

I want to be like Dr Ana when I grow up.

[@growing.flowers]

me too

[@marko112kg]

Me too, and I’m older than her

[@jormtroll7970]

Me tooo🥺

[@Nick-kf3io]

Same and I'm 37 😂

[@leamubiu]

I dunno, a church of bread and cheese sounds pretty awesome too 😋

[@MrFancy_]

I've always tried my best to do this with my friends even if it was very draining as an autistic person especially when I felt it wasn't going the same both ways. But even if it took me years to find a good friendship of people who actually make me feel important just by listening to me info dump about stuff makes me happy. And trust me, it's worth it, for years I have been masking and having trouble with friendships where I felt I was there for them but they were not there for me, but this (habit explained in the video) helps you see who really cares about you, those who will take the effort to keep your friendship/relationship.

[@louise6268]

For so long I only had people in my life who didn't care about any of my interest or actively hated them, and I didn't understand how big of a part it played in my loneliness. My mom actively hated everything I liked. I stopped showing her my drawings (my lifelong hobby) at 11 because of her unsolicited criticisms. When I developed an interest for film making and started analyzing the show she watched (that I hated but still watched with her) she shut me down saying "That's not why we watch movies, it's for the story!" I never tried again. My dad and my ex would let me talk but never asked questions nor remembered anything. My ex in particular waited until he found an opening to switch the subject back to HIS interests, usually Magic the Gathering (which I hate with a passion but forced myself to remember at least the basics) My fiancée and her mom were the first person to genuinely take an interest in what I cared about. Experiencing reciprocity was so healing, it made me realize I wasn't broken, boring or stupid (which is a hard feeling to shake off when you're autistic) I was just surrounded by people who didn't actually like me.

[@tally551]

Something i love to do, ask someone a question and let them ramble away to the persons hearts content. I try to follow along so i can pick up what might be needed or wanted.

[@Nadine-bx2dg]

You have that pregnancy glow❤ I've been watching you for years now and I'm so happy for you and what you've accomplished so far

[@cupcakecarl]

Watching this video hurt my feelings, not because I wasn't leaning into others hobbies/interests, but because some of the most important people in my life don't lean into mine. Thank you, I have a lot of thinking to do.

[@JillyInSomnia]

My Dad constantly commented negatively about my friends and their family/ the way they live, even the really good ones, and I ended up pushing them all away without realizing why. Really damaging.

[@tophergrallison]

Sometimes you watch a video like this and you feel quite a bit of knots unwinding.

[@cm-yu6gu]

I feel the exact same way and you articulated it perfectly

[@alexwilmes9496]

My wife is really good at this and it’s been something I’ve been trying to do more myself.

[@coolhandluke1503]

How did you marry her? Most women test men's memories on what they said. If you fail she leaves. I'm surprised you're leaning about this now

[@biteofdog]

@@coolhandluke1503 What is wrong with you, why would you be so disrespectful to this person? I hope you spend less time on the internet and make friends in real life so you gain a better grasp of your humanity.

[@alexwilmes9496]

@@coolhandluke1503 ?

[@Elemenohpea440]

This is so true, and it ISNT easy. I’m a mom with teens and you have to drop everything to listen to what they’re talking about. And honestly, you’re not going to be interested, because we have a lot going on. You have to try to be interested and remember what they say, and listen. It’s hard

[@MaryWallace-wv2bn]

So so true! So many people at work I talk to are bad about giving a shit about me. It’s laughable but not cool.

[@WarLion98]

I practice this habit all the time. You’re basically just reciprocating the persons energy and interests. My friend was really interested in learning about AI language models and tech so I started learning it so we would have something to discuss more often. Also previously I had friends who enjoy watching NFL. I didn’t enjoy watching I more so enjoy playing the sport, but for the sake of the friendship I would come over on weekends and watch football. Then talk about players etc. This is how maintaining friendship works.

[@northseapearl]

Loved this video, Ana! A very good practice to remember for sure. I try and sometimes I succeed, sometimes I fail, but striving to implement into my life more often, and will hopefully improve with practice.

[@Mona-z4t]

Had so much fun rewatching some of her videos of last year today while reorganizing my apartment and getting rid of the Christmas tree by throwing it down my balcony.😂🎄⏬🏢

[@oponomo]

It's reasuring to see someone actually say the value of these things i managed to come on my own but never get to see other people putting attention to it. Being interested in stuff you are not personaly interested isn't a loss or a pain or an obligation. It's the type of transformative understanding we have as to when becoming parents understanding you can love an experience that is at the same time unpleasant (like changing diapers or attenting to the cry of a baby).

[@blinkur09mom]

I am guilty of judging my husbands preferences, so this is good to know. I’ll def apply it starting today and see how things change for the better, not that things are bad (far from) but it could bring us even closer. As always, thanks for the informative video!

[@amine1237]

Dear Ana this vid has opened my eye to a new perspective and I feel less guilty about certain things in my past

[@linwong1494]

I started off this video like "well ofc thought this was obvious" but then I remembered that it took me my teen years to understand this + being on the receiving end of a Narc mother who takes no interest in my interests. In a way, its thanks to her that I became aware of how important this is for developing a healthy relationship with someone else. So uhhh thanks mom I guess 😂

[@BrianPham717]

Dr Ana you are such a inspiration😊

[@raindrop3558]

Could you please do a video on Othello Syndrome? I’m having trouble coping with being on the receiving end of what I seriously suspect is morbid jealousy. It’s so hard to wrap my head around how these delusions about my lack of fidelity came out of nowhere.

[@0x_Proxxy]

I don't want people to try and do something with me that I like doing that I know they don't like doing. I'd rather just bond by finding new interests we may both enjoy doing together, mutually. I can respect someone's interest without forcing myself to engage in the interests of theirs I explicitly do not like doing. And like I said, I really feel awkward and icky when someone tries to force more time with me just because I now want to shift into doing something that they really don't wanna do. I'm autistic and my interests are niche. Trying to be friends with neurotypical people doesn't work because they don't understand that I am allowed to say no thank you politely or "hey could you use headphones to listen to that, please?". The bonding feels so forced and inauthentic and I physically feel the tension in the air when someone is trying to force themselves to do something they don't want to do just because their friend is doing it and that's what bonding means. Try it out and be open to things you haven't heard of before or don't already know you explicitly like the thing, but if you hate attending birthdays because you have extreme social anxiety and the birthday parties always have more than 3 people at them, then people can tell when someone who is uncomfortable at those things is there and is having a terrible time. We can't make ourselves like things. If we could make ourselves like sugar free whole foods high in easily-absorbable nutrition more than we like cupcakes, cookies, cakes, brownies, fudge, pies, and any other quick way of spelling "insulin resistance or pre-diabetes in an injection", then those of us in highly developed countries in the west would be a whole lot healthier. But we don't. What we can do is be mature enough to realize that we don't all like doing the same things, and that people's time on this planet is finite and that what they want to do with that time is up to them. We can make an effort to ask people about their interests and see if any of those are already ones you like and can bond over, or if you maybe haven't heard of the interests before, and you can find out if you like it too by doing it with your friend. But what I've learned is that you can always tell if someone is forcing themselves through an experience and it will always make me feel guilty and uncomfortable. Doing things we both already like, or trying new things together to see if you can form a whole new interest together on the other hand is way more approachable and actually uses the friendship as a tool for self improvement without even having to think about it that way. Your advice to not overwhelm people with "overly niche" interests (what counts as "too" niche can vary from person to person. It all depends on what the people they most often end up talking to end up knowing about) does make sense. I am autistic, and rather stereotypically so, so my interests are often alone time activities that don't involve talking to people or doing anything with other people. So I don't force my interests down people's throats. I tell people what I am into, and they support me, but I never expect them to try and draw with me or something. I had to learn not to expect that in childhood because once I actually got it to happen, it ended up being very awkward, and the person was very uncomfortable and bored the whole time. So next time they came over, I asked if they wanted to try something new together, or to write down all the things we like to do or want to try some day, and make any connections we can find and agree on a list of new activities. That worked way better. It was a genuinely bonding experience because we were both newbies! Neither of us felt like we were wasting our time or having more fun than the other. I don't like it when other's suck it up for me. Everyone's time is precious. I like friends who can respect this fact in their favour and my favour. Just because one refuses to do something they dislike just because one of their friends does like it doesn't mean that friend will judge that friend for the interest, be rude to them about it. make fun of them for it, or any of that actually emotionally mature stuff. We are all different and are entitled to our time. That is a part of not making those emotionally immature remarks about another person's interests unaligned with your own in the first place.

[@danielkarath2294]

7:29 omg, Anna used a swear! 😆 Idk about others, but I feel like when someone is really passionate about something, and they share it with me I just catch second hand excitement for them and their interest! Like, XYZ seems to really fascinate this person I like, so it must be pretty cool, I wanna learn more and join in on the fun.

[@AngiePAM18]

This is such a beautiful lesson for parents (also for other types of relationships, but parents often forget their kids are not extensions of themselves), but some people are just too narcissistic to care about what others are interested in, tho. Btw I love edm, cats and books as well... Terror not so much 😂

[@Hostileminds]

Appreciate the video as always. For me, sometimes it’s just pure curiosity maybe seemingly nosiness, I always have a lot of questions it seems like and I think that’s why people tend to like me and my friends develop crushes on me. But it’s not from this deep part if caring. So you know; there’s always nuance and maybe I could approach it as showing care.

[@akordiart]

my mom would always get jealous of me and my sister sharing inside jokes or having shared interests and would try to break us apart individually by saying bad things about the other when one of us was alone with her. and my dad can't seem to comprehend that some people are different from him and whenever i tell him that i'm not good at or interested in math and sciences like he is, he just says i'm not trying enough and that we "can't always do what we like in life" 🙄

[@lisaloreign485]

Aw ❤. This is sweet. I do this naturally but realize that it isnt done much for me. It definitely makes you feel like you have to hide parts of yourself when your interests arent embraced. But I think its really important to know the difference between someone making room for you in thier world versus someone subtly trying to influence who you are by validating and invalidating your interest or someone trying to fawn closeness by adopting your interest. Its scary. I had a someone start studying things i studied to create a "bond" and they were the most abusive person id ever met. I Think the key might be that you'll have a sense if they have a sense of self. Like, they arent making their world revolve around you. People who do that (imo) are weird. What helped me is that there was inconsistency. I noticed a lot of inconsistency in their interest and ability to accept me. I noticed signs of contempt. Someone who'll devote hours of their day to read up on your interest wont also have contempt for you. Everyone wont be perfect in accepting everything about you but with the manipulatirs it feels different. I wish you all health and love. Goodluck in your relationships!

[@RuudAwakening]

wanna add something 'random': my music interests actually shifted in-line with phases and themes i went through at a given time some examples: in high school i fell out of the "popular" or "normal" groups, but did got accepted by metalheads and goths. in that period i felt empowered by the rawness of Metal music and felt "understood" in a way by the melancholy of Gothic music. more in my adult life i got some goals and purpose i wanted to pursue and i got more in-tune with upbeat and encouraging music, like Gym Motivation and stuff, while when hearing Metal and Gothic didn't do as much for me anymore in elementary school my dad let me hear several bands, Limp Bizkit and Rammstein sparked my interest but also my friend's interest, we as a group did some playback-shows which were really fun and parents and classmates cheered for us! for these bands i still feel interest for, and not much surprise; got so much cool memories with them! bonding with my dad, with my friends, people cheering me This makes me believe we find and hold and lose interests given the experiences and associations we have with them. Being it with music but likely also other areas.

[@angelolopez8720]

This is some really good advice, very wise! Thank you so much for sharing this!

[@TakeiMizu]

I love this. One of the things that made my last relationship fail was the fact that we developed some comtempt because we werent doing this up to a certain point. Like yeah, we could share some interests and the other one could be curious about it but what made it hard is that at least on her end she didn't want to have friends who she can share those interests with them but to force me to like and do stuff that were not my cup of tea even after giving them a shot. And if I shared some stuff with her I was immediately shot with shame on the stuff I liked so I stopped sharing that and adopted a mindset of "I know you don't like it so why should I force you to come and to things with me if I know you won't feel okay by doing them"

[@C_PRTCL]

Agreed Robert Eggers is also a favorite, fantastic video !

[@aljonserna5598]

As a guy who tried to get into relationships, I noticed it's always been me that's got to peek into their interests and be as what's being said here, and when I miss it it's done already. It's always me that's got to to that and never really done to me, maybe my interests are obvious but was never really asked about them (or maybe I seem to be "happy go lucky" when I just don't wanna bear the weight of seriousness all the time, especially for someone as workaholic as me who's always issue is being burnt out or end up getting sick)

[@ronr9983]

The best relationship advice usually comes from very old couples. They love it when younger people ask about their love story and how they were able to tolerate each other throughout the decades while still growing and loving each other. Being selfless, understanding, kind and loving. Of course all of that in moderation 😄

[@xsunlx]

Okay I was enjoying your video and then you mentioned Nosferatu and now I LOVE YOU🤣🖤 I FINALLY got to see it yesterday and was BLOWN AWAY by Lilly-Rose's performance (honestly everyone's acting is incredible) just omg I could go on. I just know this movie is going to be stuck in my head just like The Witch (another obsession). Robert Eggers is definitely one of my all time favorite directors🙌🏻

[@damnablethief]

You really seem like such a pragmatic and sensible human being. Your channel has been helping me more than any other psychology channel on YT. Thanks for all the great content :) you seem really cool too Ana, I like edm shows as well...more psychedelic stuff. Best wishes.

[@JennyBesserit]

Wow I really liked this video. Something I had never thought of

[@kamilak6092]

I think this kind of behaviour is way too common and it can really impact a child's life. It brings to mind a conversation when I was six. I expressed an interest in dance and wanted to do ballet SO BADLY. I was straight up told "no, you like art now. You're gonna draw". Please validate your close ones and their interests 💖

[@Remington934]

Yep, This is what happened to me growing up, to the point that they might get angry or not validated. Now, I'm afraid of showing my true self to people. Also incredibly draining when others you take interest in others and no one recipricates

[@Phoe8D]

I want to see Nosferatu! I think darker themes often have really compelling layers and complexities. I love that there’s a Transylvanian tale behind it, i think it’s so profound to visit other times and cultures.

[@thickjunimo2581]

Im usually the listener in relationships, my habit is to initiate connections by asking questions rather than talking about a subject. This caused me to surround myself with a few people who just talk about themselves and seemingly doesnt care about me. How can I change this? At this point I feel anxious when I get to talk with new people, that everything I say is boring and the listener doesnt really care.

[@growing.flowers]

2:12 “doesn’t involve them” 10:38 11:45 13:02

[@joshmastiff1128]

I know what you and your partner need Doc. Y'all need some heavy metal in your lives!!!

[@kamilwezka]

I have been trying to convince my partner to watch 'Bojak Horseman' for a few years (we are together around 15y). Eventually, she caved in and now can't stop watching it. The same is true for reading books - she was very resistant. She recently finished 'The Kite Runner' and is now reading 'A Terrible Kindness.' She likes reading now. 'Alice in Wonderland' is my next project.

[@Joshy2-SF]

Don't lie about liking it if you don't, but don't drive a wedge by rejecting it either, just let it be!

[@hopefulhappiness4457]

My partner’s parents are not great at this, and I am so grateful to my parents for doing this when I was growing up, and even now. My partner watches my trash reality shows (and has even gotten into some of them), and I have learned more about cars and photography than I ever thought I would voluntarily 😂

[@ichig0mash1mar0]

3:17 reference to your other video video made me giggle a little hehe but aside from that I really like that you made this video. Ive been on the receiving end of someone making you feel bad about something you enjoy and it not only hurts the relationship but can hurt the person’s overall confidence. It happened to me a lot growing up and it took a lot of work to unlearn that i don’t need to feel bad for my hobbies/interests.

[@IvanaSapuová]

This seems like such a no brainer, but it really isn't. I would never realise this if you didn't point it out- about myself and others. great video

[@lolzforlunch]

My partner gave me that same book! Been slowly going through it P.S. Robert Eggers and Ari Aster are both GOAT filmmakers

[@WarLion98]

Hello dear, I’m in the middle of my training. Thanks for sharing such insightful information. I’ll check back in later

[@jasonfanclub4267]

I resonated with this video a lot ❤ My parents and my brother shamed me for my music taste

[@vrroena]

OMGGG that final scene of Nosferatu!! It was EVERYTHING! The lilacs almost choked me up, what a great movie. I need to look into more movies from this director. My favorite of all time is Guillermo del Toro. Anyone else got some more horror suggestions to share?

[@draven_kx7]

Listening to this video made me realize how my girlfriend is wonderful at practicing this and how I need to step my game up lol p.s. we’re taking your relationship course together and love it!

[@khortha-status-zone]

there was a time when i kept wondering why some people seemed to naturally draw others in while i was just…there. no matter what i tried, i couldn’t figure out how they did it. then someone mentioned the book Magnetic Aura by Takeshi Mizuki, and i decided to check it out. the way it explains how your aura affects everything around you? it blew me away. it’s like having a secret code to unlock your magnetic energy. this book is a game-changer.

[@udontevenwannaknowbruv]

BOT

[@simongotborg3866]

Something I've been thinking about is how a lot of people around my age (33) developed very different interests from our parents because of technological development. Usign yself as an example, I began competitng in Smash (video game) around 2006, and my parents know almost nothing about the game. If I was a musician they'd know what instrument I played. If I was into soccer they'd know what position. I'm almost certain they'd try to come watch me play. But they don't know equivelant basic info about the e-sports I've been involved with for almost two decades.

[@niamhc6312]

i am being driven mad by a coworker who brings up things she knows people in the conversation like just to declare how much she hates them. it’s plain rude. not sure whether i should start being rude back

[@hermenegildakociubinska6665]

I think this advice only works on people who enjoy telling other people about their interests. Otherwise, it's an attempt to bond by expecting futile labour from another person. Putting effort into explaining things, fully aware that the listener doesn't even care about the subject is not the most fun way of spending time with another person.

[@jpzz5915]

I'm an exchristian and I can say for sure (I mean, in christian-majority countries like US) that some types of church drives into peoples head the deep believe that one should be emmotionally immature in regards to showing interest to "secular things". Some of it is satanic panic (pokemon/games/rock) and some of it may be puritanity (eg, against game of thrones because sex scenes). But in both cases, religious people are primed to be against these things and to force others (their child) to comply with their fear.

[@Suzie-wm8fe]

It's really good for you for your own self to do this too, you'll start to like more things and learn more whether they're the same or not

[@naterpotatoers]

7:34 this made me chuckle. Don’t think I’ve heard her cuss in her videos before 😂

[@gman854]

I’ll keep this in mind when I playfully make fun of those in my life circles interest - still actually be interested and ask questions genuinely

[@nowherenothere]

Great video! One of my ways to support my husbands interests is by respecting the times those interests might take priority. For example, I know Saturday afternoons are his best time to mountain bike so I avoid planning or suggesting other things during that time.

[@sic996]

Cool, it explains your ending soundtrack choice.

[@norafeher8260]

What if that new interest is something really destructive and unhealthy, like excessive drinking?

[@serialtoxic6427]

Thats so important to understand things from the point of view of your partner. My ex girlfriend always bragged about that we dont musicaly match eatch other, but i never talked bad about her music, it wasnt just my taste, and my music wasnt her taste. We are both soulmates but she doesnt want to see it and kept bragging about our different musical taste and diferrent work ethics. I find it kind of pitty, but am glad we are still friends. Maybe you could make a video about why its always called only psychopaths are still friends with theyr ex partners 😂because were both me and my ex girlfriend are emotional very sensitive and would even go so far to call ourself as each other an empath.

[@Sean_neaS]

I'm not sure I'm articulating this exactly right, but it seems like people think their opinions are the most interesting and important thing about themselves then when more the opposite. Too often we define ourselves by what we don't like, especially. It's hard when some you care about is into someone you think is toxic, but patiently explaining your point and listening to their points and always being willing to be wrong usually works in the long run.

[@BassRemedy]

the detail of the EDM in the outro hits different now 🤣

[@abelcotton3371]

Reminds me of my previous relationship and my ex talking crap about the music I listen to.

[@tonyshine89]

This is great stuff. I would always be interested in what my husband, children, family, and friends are into. My only problem is when I morally disagree with something. Then I honestly dont know how to react. For example, recently a good friend of mine who has social media following and organizes in person women group to talk and support each other, told me that she started having privite monetized sessions with followers (other women) who need help in their situation like advice how to be less stress, involve partner, handle toddler tantrums, etc. But I have an issue with this because she doesn't have any certification and is giving support and advice from some platform and position of authority. Now she is very excited about this whole thing and I dont want to hear anything about it.

[@sanecatlady]

I feel kind of bad because I definitely did some of this with my ex and even for a lot of people in my life I don't really ask much about their interests. I guess it doesn't always occur to me that I *should* ask, especially if I'm not particularly interested in it myself. Bit I think a big reason why I have a hard time listening to people talk about their interests I don't care for is because I get overwhelmed by the information dumping. My ex would ramble on and on and on about some show or game I've never watched or have no interest in and it drained me. I didn't know how to politely ask him to talk about something else so I just ended up multi tasking while on the phone or making an excuse to hang up. I feel bad about this but I don't know how to go about this without getting really overwhelmed. Maybe I'm just not meant for people 😔

[@tagtraumerin5077]

My ex did this 😅 If I had a new hobby or friends he would get threatened easily

[@jodiw893]

Thanks so much for this video Dr. Ana. It shed a lot of light on some things for me. One question though - what if the person doesn't seem to like when you are curious and ask questions about a new person they are spending time with? What does it imply if they start feeling like you're being intrusive? I try not to ask too many personal questions, but it seems this person only feels comfortable if they bring up this person in conversation but if I ask follow up questions, I'm considered being too nosey. It's frustrating esp when I'm trying to feel less discarded/rejected as a close friend and actively trying to move past these feelings. P.S. - I totally understand if you can't answer this cuz there is a lot of context missing here, but I understand these videos are just for educational purposes and to foster meaningful conversation. Thanks for all you do!

[@carlasilva1774]

I completely understand your point. I would feel uncomfortable asking my loved ones about their friends like that, but I do two things that help me. First, I don't ask about people but I ask about interests. It feels less intrusive and I'm still engaging. As for people, I just make comments about how nice that gesture of their friend was, and how they seem to be funny, whatever is the truth for that person they're talking about. And I always remember the stories so that whenever they want to share something, I know exactly who they're talking about. I only ask questions about the people when it makes sense for me to understand the story. So I feel like my loved ones feel comfortable sharing anything and I never feel like I'm being too much. Hope this works for you 🙂

[@jodiw893]

great points, thanks so much for your response! ​@@carlasilva1774

[@AshrafMujahideen]

7:50 this reminds me of The Office TV show because that episode where that lady put her painting in a galary.

[@chrismaxwell1624]

Could showing interesting be seen as inauthentic interest and erode trust? I think there is fine line between the two. I'm sure we've all been there in early dating where you find out the person you are interested in has interest in something you don't at all but you go research and pretend to like what they like. This was something I did early in dating. There was that anxiety that they wouldn't like me if I didn't like what they liked. I stopped doing that after a while. I guess it was getting comfortable with and realizing I don't have to like what they are interested in but I can acknowledge it and encourage but not take interest at that same time.

[@Moonlightdreamblade]

My boyfriend does the opposite of this. If I start a new hobby he will say it's stupid and I should start another hobby that he likes instead and will list all of the reasons why it's so much better. Why is this?

[@RuudAwakening]

hmm i'm totally not an expert or anything, but "claiming" is what comes to me like maybe in a way he feels the urge to keep you close, not lose you, and certainty can give that he is pretty certain of his interests/hobby's, those feel secure, while something new or unknown often isn't which in a way adds a sweet underlying intention to it; he cares to keep you close to him

[@jo1681]

He doesnt sound fun to be around.

[@bamyayire9673]

Thank you 🤗

[@michaelscott3782]

My girlfriend at the time called it "Halloween music" and that's what I call it to this day.

[@SigMaQuint]

I don’t like fictional crime. There is too much drama. DH doesn`t like true crime, which I follow intensely. I can take my guitar and watch together with him, and play a little with the music. I will try some more.

[@Chill-mm4pn]

I listen to my wife ramble because I care about her. I know it's important to her.

[@alveolate]

what exactly is 'emotional maturity'?

[@RichardPrude]

This of west I try to do with my wife when she talks about her day at work but she thinks I’m invading her world some times when I Remember the people by name so it’s strange sometimes

[@inkivaari9392]

Yeaah, mom "trying" to learn my friends names 10 year. Also "forgetting" my long distance relationship, for no reason accusing them being some scammer and saying "be careful there in twitters and stuff" (u mean tinder? 😗) and being supportive af when it didn't work by saying ”WELL THAT'S GOOD THEN!" + Lot more stuff. Multiple therapist, mine and my sister's have been amazed by the audaticity of my mother. She doesn't see any fault in her ways

[@chrismaxwell1624]

LOL hard for neuro divergence, it's not even something I can control. Get me going on topic of interest and it's one track mind for me. Hence why they call it a restricted interest, it's restricted as once I'm on that track I'm stuck on it.

[@aleidius192]

Today I learned that EDM stands for electronic dance music. You might also enjoy some synthwave if you want something more relaxing.

[@soyevquirsefron990]

I'm a little autistic and i hate it when people interrogate me about my interests. I've wondered why they insist on finding out what I'm eating or watching when they're not really that interested once I start explaining and later they don't remember at all. If you don't want to know, why did you ask? Over the decades of studying humans I've figured out what they really want is for ME to ask THEM so they can talk about the thing they're really interested in, themselves. But the next time it happens I forget to ask them because I'm so busy on the defense trying to respond to them and when they stop I'm just happy that it's over and I forget I'm supposed to ask them about their opinions. If you want to talk about yourself that's fine, just don't drag me into it. Edit: i was talking about casual acquaintances and Dr Ana was talking about close relationships. I do try to actively listen to my family even when I really feel like there's something more important I sound should be doing, because I know it's important to them that i listen. So I guess this comment wasn't really on topic but I'm leaving it because it amuses me.

[@lisaloreign485]

I like your ramble. It was fun to read 😊😂

[@lily29997]

I am simple woman, I see psychology with dr Ana video, I click

[@sparrowfree5]

I started laughing immediately at 7:20, because 7:26 yup, yup, I know 7:31 😂

[@niewazneniewazne1890]

I paused the video now this is hilarious 07:03. II unpause it and all I hear is "JUST WATCH THE DAMN TV SHOW." Right on it Dr.Ana, well you know shouldn't fight the psychologist's suggestion too hard.

[@maddie5131]

Hey unrelated request but could you make an updated video on the Baldoni and Lively situation in light of the New York Times article. I’d like to see your take on how this level of manipulation in journalism happens and if your take on Lively has changed after all this.

[@Foltosh]

U definitely can learn to like music genres u originally did not but granted it doesn’t happen quickly.

[@lizzie404]

Oh dr Ana , I’ve been watching you since the beginning 😭 what would I do without you🥹❤️ I started my first relationship and now it has ended (we broke up because she realize she had developed feelings for her coworker😢) 😞💔 you have really help me throughout my whole relationship

[@wienzzz]

Seeing Dr Ana at rap concert or rave would be a funny surprise

[@rebekahnewman3876]

We need Ana to step out of her niche and deliver a Nosferatu review 👏👏👏

[@TheSinlessAssassin]

I live by "your pleasure is my pleasure."