Angry: Who do you see?

[@vincewood02]

Thank you, John. You have reminded me that these are early days in this project. As with any new project, there is a period of "danger" for the very reasons you've stated. When I began hiking, it was traversing unsafe ground; at university, it was writing a first essay that couldn't be marked. Both were done to impress.

[@johntheunique]

We all have an internal drive for admiration and want our narcissism to be shared by those around us. This works both for and against us. This drive is probably the main reason why we reach out and acknowledge other people, because of our hope for reciprocity. That's a good thing, but any good thing, when taken to the extreme, can be bad.

[@vincewood02]

Terry, I am humbled that both you and N3SBOY have taken both this time and put in such thoughtfulness into your responses. Much of what you said is frighteningly familiar, which means there's still more work to be done. I'm thankful for that; it keeps me interested. And lots to talk further about. So, it appears we're going to be in each other's lives for some time to come. To quote from my video. Fantastic!

[@vincewood02]

Until recently, my "default" position has always been to allow others to say or do what they wish, even if their actions damage me. Since joining this site and others, this is becoming less the case. I am acquiring the skill of quickly identifying what I want and who I want with me; all others disappear at the click of a button. I am hoping this skill is transferable to other areas of my life.

[@vincewood02]

Thank you, Gene. Your comments have a faniliar ring to them, particularly your last thought. Something about being the observed, the observing and the observer (?!), I seem to recall? I like your initial summary too. Yes, it's a really bad trait of mine - asking for a response so that I can guage if I am saying what I think my "audience" would like to hear me say. Many years ago, I discovered I was a "pleaser". (More to follow below.)

[@vincewood02]

And, yes, as I do more videos I am aware of the narcism contained therein. I like what I see, and to ask others if they too like what they see in my videos I see as a symbol of me objectifying myself from myself; another bad habit. (More to follow.)

[@vincewood02]

I've noticed my webcam is a mirror-image of me. Therefore, you are looking at the world through the image I see when I'm shaving. If you met me in person, you would see a reflection of what you see in the videos. All this makes you final comment all the more complex, and a question I may leave to the experts to answer. The focus that I MUST maintain is that these videos are meant for me to get to know myself again; vanity and narcism indeed. (Comment for you next.)

[@vincewood02]

Finally, Gene, I like to know who I'm speaking to. The colours on your KZbin profile made that very difficult for me (delibrate, my friend?). However, the 187elder website is incredible. I have yet to discover who you are, but there's this feeling that rather than philosophising with you on KZbin, I should be asking for your autograph! ;-) I will explore further. Vince.

[@johntheunique]

The thing I've noticed about KZbin is that your long time watchers will be either very for you or very against you. It's very easy to ignore the haters, just delete their comments and block them until they message you and apologize. That's the power of KZbin.

[@vincewood02]

It's good to meet you, John. I hope we may talk again in the future.

[@vincewood02]

This video annoys me because, once again I am looking for approval; this insecurity thing really bugs me because it's always lurking in the background. But I also like the video because it's an illustration of who I am when my defenses are down. (Two more points to follow; one technical thing for you, Gene.)

[@vincewood02]

"Ours", my friend; the universe is ours. Let's use that as a starting point and talk some more. I like your thoughts on vanity. And, what the heck, I'll get your autograph one day anyway. Take care, and hang on in there; I think we have a lot to share.

[@vincewood02]

Thank you, N3SBOY; doing this for myself was the whole point of starting this. I just lost my way briefly; thanks for the reminder. (Sleep during your vids? No! But I got a really good sleep afterwards lol ;-)