Anna Marie Tendler Knows Men Have Called Her Crazy -- Celebrity Memoir Book Club -- Full Episode

[@veerow6035]

Her doctors also mentioned her aggression and explosiveness alongside her BPD diagnosis. She never really mentions the behavior they are commenting on... but take note of the part in the book where she manipulates her boyfriend by harming herself so that he tells her parents she needs help. She probably has a lot of things to own up to than we can ever know.

[@criticalthot]

This books gives a lot of “you wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me” energy…

[@saranicole5898]

“You have coddled and boredomed yourself into nothing” is so real

[@edith4253]

Based on your review it feels like she wanted to write a book like girl interrupted but failed because she´s not complicated, she´s inmature and snob.

[@sideshowmob]

ouch

[@Bejorez]

gonna need everyone who is commenting that what they’re saying is mean spirited and just ‘internalised misogyny’ to actually read the book because it is genuinely as insufferable as they’re making it out to be.

[@kittysrock16]

I’m sure it is but also people can feel their criticism was a bit iffy. If they didn’t, there wouldn’t be multiple comments pointing it out.

[@sideshowmob]

@@kittysrock16 a lot of people are personally offended because they see themselves in Tendler and is not a good look

[@kittysrock16]

@@sideshowmob we all have negative traits though and I’m sure seeing yourself in someone and then watching them get bashed is hard to witness. Personally I think their comments towards mental illness (as someone mentally ill) were a bit gone deaf, but I can also understand her privilege

[@funeralforahorse]

@@kittysrock16I think you’ve developed a parasocial relationship with a woman who couldn’t care less about you and you’re offended on her behalf. Based on this book, Tendler wouldn’t throw a bucket of pee on you to stop you being on fire tbh

[@jdelgado1557]

As a therapist and as somebody who struggles with mental health issues; the hardest thing to do is to take accountability for your mental health. It sucks especially when it isn’t your fault. However, it’s necessary. Not taking accountability causes stagnation. The book reeked of this. This doesnot detract from the fact that the people around her weren’t the best. But we can only control so much. We are in charge of ourselves. If we are constantly around certain kinds of people, there is some degree of blame to them, but, there is a degree of blame on us as well.

[@etta5487]

What didn't she take accountability for though? She's been in therapy, medicated, and hospitalized. It seemed to me like she's trying pretty damn hard.

[@sideshowmob]

@@etta5487 because she have a personality disorder. She writes like her therapy medication and hospitalization were all very passive. The hard part is being honest with ourselves, and she isn't there yet.

[@FragranceEuphoria]

@@etta5487 I would like to know the answer to this too

[@anniemcgough8460]

She wants to sound like Sylvia Plath or Joan Didion but instead sounds like a character from Girls.

[@ellaseibz9365]

literally hannah

[@hoppy613]

this is so accurate lmao

[@maxwellstefan8868]

This is so nitpicky but right off the bat the "who are they? they are hospital staff" is just horrible writing imo

[@nickjoy6389]

It’s very 8th grade 😭😭Very very similar to my stories in middle school

[@lavender3717]

I loved this episode. I see a lot of my own negative qualities in Anna Marie and I found the way you both talked about her problems to be quite cathartic for that reason.

[@caseysmith2600]

Same!

[@computeraccount3980]

It made me glad I wasn't born pretty, lol. I also see a lot of my flaws in how she describes herself, but I never had the opportunity to be a gold digger, so I think I'm better for it haha

[@ba6639]

same!! especially on the importance of realizing that people aren't judging you all the time, they have their own things going on

[@madelineo4128]

Fr as someone who has tried and given up on so many hobbies i needed to hear this. Stick it out girl!!

[@makenzienohr4105]

SAME! I have anxiety so I can relate to a lot of what she writes, but fortunately I've had great people in my life to keep me rational and accountable even when i go down the occasional thought spiral.

[@aethella4133]

Something they didn't really discuss, which i understand why, is the fact she was diagnosed with BPD as a result of the evaluation, and she immediately disagrees with it. Ofc nobody knows yourself better than you, but it's also common for those with BPD to have strong denial. I'm not saying she absolutely HAS BPD but the diagnosis IMO wasn't surprising

[@samkuperman9035]

“nobody knows yourself better than you” is very true on its face, but doesn’t hold up well against a 5 hour psych evaluation at an inpatient facility lmfao If I were her I’d lend it a bit of credence

[@chrono4998]

​@@samkuperman9035This is not true for every diagnosis tho, like women not getting diagnosed with autism and adhd, and bipoc kids with adhd getting diagnosed with conduct disorders like odd

[@havingfunisnthard]

In my experience, once I stopped interacting with men all the BPD symptoms ‘mysteriously’ disappeared. I think the causation/correlation of mental health struggles in relation to how male-centered you are ought to be studied.

[@samkuperman9035]

@@chrono4998 absolutely, but her specifically as an individual? Again this is after a five hour eval at an inpatient facility she stayed at for a matter of weeks

[@aliciles]

this opening chapter about her hospital admittance literally reads like the mental hospital AU fanfictions i read when i was 14...

[@Reetietoo]

There’s “men have called me crazy but I stayed true to myself and did it anyway” vs her version which is “and I immediately capitulated to regain their validation” which rings very hollow

[@Anarchangel349]

Really feels like some people commenting don’t realize you can be mentally ill *and* annoying. Also it’s okay to not like something without moralizing it. It can be true that you don’t like this podcast and that the hosts are not misogynists. Misogyny is not when you dislike one book by a woman.

[@lauracaskey7730]

Not that he’s completely blameless, but I feel like I owe John a major apology after reading this. I get the vibe from how she talks about other people in addiction and at the rehab that she wasn’t the best support system for someone with drug issues.

[@katiee4396]

Also John owns his mess. He’s definitely not perfect but he is honest about his addiction and the struggles he’s been through. He has not said a bad word about Anna since their divorce either which I think speaks a lot to his character

[@adampaugh9255]

@@katiee4396he’s under an NDA lmao

[@VeganBambi]

@@katiee4396 he doesn't talk about her because it would remind people that he cheated on her while they were married

[@v-ig7rb]

After finishing this book, I was also repelled. I have empathy for women whose husbands abandon their marriage after becoming interested in a new, more beautiful woman, I love the title of the book, and I really wanted to like the book. Unfortunately I found that it read like a teenager’s diary defending her self-absorbed choices and character over the years. I also don’t think the title represents the book accurately, and wish that a better book got to use the title. I feel like I wasted my time reading this book and this resentment has lingered for a couple days now, hence my long comment here. I don’t remember the last time a book made me feel that way. I was not familiar with AMT previously, and I was primed to sympathize with her due to her husband leaving her for another woman, which must cause unbearable pain and distress, but the book portrayed her as an extremely self-important person with not much going on in her life. My takeaways from the book are that AMT should find a stable job to support herself because, it seems that at almost 40, she has never had a job where she could consistently support herself and has relied upon men to do so, and also that AMT has low self-awareness which contributes to a lot of her problems and may be why she can’t figure out what she is good at doing careerwise. I agree with the host’s point that AMT doesn’t see herself as vain but as artistic. Also her constant emphasis on her physical form, ‘I’m so small’, ‘I’m so cold because my body is so tiny’, ‘bracelets never fit me because of my tiny wrists’, etc. saddened me that she felt the need to repeatedly remind the reader that she is a an extremely thin and petite woman. From my observations, people who don’t have stable work-either because they can’t find consistent work for whatever reason or because financially they don’t need to-often become extremely self-absorbed. I think it would serve AMT well to become philanthropic and volunteer her time and energy to a worthy cause! This might help her become less self-absorbed and find some meaning in her life which she claims has thus far evaded her. Maybe something to do with animal welfare since she found so much meaning in caring for her dog? I wish her well, but I don’t think I will be reading anything she writes in the future or supporting her ‘maximalist lampshade’ art.

[@aaronelliotart]

Little bit of an overshare but my psych evaluation was like an afternoon with two doctors and it was 20 pages, you can write an 18 page evaluation about any human to walk the earth. While AMT does clearly have trauma (although weirdly she seems to not realize which parts are traumatic) she otherwise seems like a deeply shallow person. Trauma is not a sport, nor does it inherently make you interesting.

[@ftis2588]

I like how some of the comments don’t understand the concept of book reviews. The way her fans make her out like she’s some precious flower who has to be protected at all costs is some of the most patronising shit on earth. I’m yet to read the book but I’m somehow not surprised by your review. I will read it and make up my own mind but if I end up agreeing with you, then I think Jemima Kirke’s advice of “I think you might be thinking about yourself too much” will be ringing in my ear as I read it. Thanks for a great ep!

[@loriannnoguchi5610]

Yes I kept thinking about that Jemima Kirke post as they were talking! I intend to read the book still but I'm disappointed that it doesn't seem to be very good. I'm still a huge JM fan but I obviously felt for Anna when everything went down, so I was interested in hearing more about her and her life. The fact that she seems to center everything around men and isn't self aware enough to see that she "might be thinking about herself too much" is kinda sad

If you haven't read the book maybe shut up and don't let your opinion of said book be dictated by people who clearly hate the author? Use your brain.. I know how book reviews work but this review is bad. There's no real criticism just pettiness.

[@ftis2588]

“I will read it and make up my own mind BUT IF I end up agreeing with you…” You see “but” and “if” are conditional words which alters the meaning of a sentence. I’m sorry you have trouble understanding reading, I know it can be hard. Claire and Ashley are merely giving their opinion on a widely PUBLISHED book, not AMT’s personal diary, I think everything they’ve said has been sustained through rigorous argument - have you noticed they always go back to AMT’s own words? You’re allowed to disagree but do so in a similar fashion I.E go to the source text then say why you think they’re wrong. I don’t know if you listen to the pod, but they don’t mince their words which I find refreshing. AMT is just a woman who got divorced and is handling it badly…like most people who get divorced. Btw I was in a facility similar to the one AMT went to earlier this year, except I stayed for months and not 7 days. AMT is not a martyr for the cheated on, nor is she your close personal friend, please get a grip.

@@ftis2588 As I said before, read the book first. Until then shut your mouth. No need to lecture me... I understood you perfectly but you come off as a judgemental mean one just like those two women...

[@ftis2588]

@@loriannnoguchi5610 yeah I actually just started the book today! Negative reviews don’t mean the reviewers are telling us not the read the book, we can make up our own minds, I just find Ashley and Claire to be really sharp reviewers, and I do often agree with them on books I’ve read, or they make me think deeper about something. I think the shock from their breakup (apart from the baby) was the fact that AMT wrote a press statement saying she was “heartbroken that John had decided to end our marriage”. Never in my life as a pop culture fan have I ever seen a break up statement like that. I think that really added to the hate John got, and then the baby immediately after? I mean yeesh. It was a lot and must’ve been hard for her, I really felt for her too. However, I don’t think relationships that have lasted a decade like theirs did is suddenly undone at the click of a finger, especially when there’s a marriage. The beginning of the book I’ve read so far is saying she was spiralling since that spring/summer of ‘20. So like a year before the breakup announcement. I think the hate that John gets is OTT anyway, but especially when you take this into account - it’s not that cut and dry. We don’t know the specifics, and relationships are hard for almost everyone. Some nice IG captions and few bits on stage about your love for someone is not necessarily a clear window into a relationship, imo. I think AMT can come across as mannered and pretentious, which is part of the reason why I’m not that surprised by their review. Also they back up what they’re saying by following the text so I don’t get the “they hate Anna” charge. They’re literally reading her own words and are just not convinced by it. This review, imo, is basically saying that AMT has led a (largely) charmed life because of the rich men she’s been with, and that has left her feeling unaccomplished and listless. That’s a totally normal reaction, but potentially tying that feeling into this like pseudo feminist, gender essentialist argument is a bit of a stretch. Also it’s ironic that her mom seems to be a major issue, considering the title and premise of her book. Anyways, I look forward to finishing the book regardless, and hope maybe I’ll get more out of it than Claire and Ashley!

[@jortsofficial173]

The way she talks about people struggling with addiction is so insensitive, especially coming from her who seems to also struggle with mental health in other ways. Thinking “do better” about people actively in rehab for their addiction is unbelievably cruel.

[@ali-ej6rv]

Which could actually explain why John Mulaney called it quits with her.

[@AutumnOddity]

I guess she wasn’t even the one to organize johns intervention. His friends were. I think that says a lot

[@elenasola5220]

and john mulaney has been very open about his struggles with addictions. the part where amt said that made me feel bad for him honestly

[@tarynwilson1223]

I'm just shocked by the part where she says she wants to get up at yell at the people struggling with addiction to just stop. That really broke my heart and mabye gives some insight that she wasn't the person JM needed to help him out of his addiction. He seems much happier and healthier now and she seems ignorant of thoes around her.

[@caitykat8754]

Read her to FILTH but it was so accurate 😭😭

[@mybrainbroke5279]

this is just another example of why you should never have such a parasocial relationship with someone and then "take sides" in their personal relationships that you literally know nothing about. stay safe amt fans, you could never make me like her ❤

[@pfabemma]

I’ve been breaking down this book over the last week as I listened with a close friend. I’m so glad to be seeing people take a more in depth look at this book and not get caught up on the buzz word topics of self harm, eating disorders, mental health, etc etc. Just because your book covers heavy topics, doesn’t mean it is particularly nuanced, informative, ground breaking, or even good. She speaks about her hatred for men, and complex relationships with men in her life. Yet, lacks the depth to really explore the topic and ultimately compartmentalize and heal from her misandry (yes, I’m using this controversial and debated word.. I know) in any meaningful way. For a memoir dedicated to exploring and fleshing out one’s complicated journey with mental illness and live experiences- she lacked so much self awareness and perception is was INSANE. The book reeked of narcissism, classism, misandry, and third wave buzz feed feminism. This memoir REALLY fell flat for me.

[@mmargot]

first time listener to the pod from tik tok. i’m obsessed w yall and this ep

[@jacksonunitedfund6239]

It was obvious she has borderline personality disorder even before this book came out but wow- the narcissism and lack of self awareness is off the charts! I’m glad you guys honed in on the competitive tone when she (barely) speaks on her eating disorder. The psychiatrists whom she hates clearly clocked her and walked on egg shells til she got discharged.

[@salamfatayer5018]

This was such a good episode! Thanks for doing the heavy lifting and breaking down this book for me lol

[@LittleRedWhine]

I enjoyed this episode, I think what people don’t get about this book is that there isn’t actually enough reflecting in this book and not everyone has to write a memoir. She maybe needed to do a little more inner work to actually understand how to do self-reflection before writing about her life.

[@heatherkan]

So I haven't read it but I do psych evals in emergency rooms and most of the people I see have Medicaid and they cannot just "check themselves in" they have to be evaluated and recommended for an inpatient level of care so the fact she could even go into a facility and check herself in let's you know she has vast resources most people living with mental illness do not have. She also sounds like she has a lot of maladaptive coping skills. There are people who do not benefit for inpatient treatment and it only seeks to reinforce their maladaptive coping skills. Again, haven't read the book and I don't know this woman but this is quite...interesting...also it isn't strange to do a mental status exam to see is her affect and presentation congruent with what she is saying...of course, we don't really know as we weren't there

[@jacksonunitedfund6239]

@@heatherkan this sounded like a concierge type psychiatric ward that’s usually only accessible to certain demographic.. agreed about inpatient being unhelpful for people like this. also the part about her losing her shit over “patient denies…” language. the hosts are right, that’s completely no judgmental clinical language based on the patient report. she sounds like the moderate-severe cluster Bs with the added entitlement of being a rich coddled yt woman.

[@Dcraney]

I really truly think that if she had waited, grown and healed and learned, this book would be so much better. I think her experiencers are incredibly limited as well and that shows. Having that constant plan b allows people to just quit and take the easy route and not experience new things and it seems she did that quite often.

[@lynnj9721]

I just passed the 4th trigger warning, ILY you're hilarious and sorry about your karma

[@alexs0s]

the payment plan story absolutely killed me. i feel like a lot of people are not listening through to these minutia which clearly explain why you two dislike this book so much LOL

[@ccvv1119]

Lmao I listened to the minutia book still isn’t good sorry

[@alexs0s]

@@ccvv1119 i feel like you didn’t understand what i said, i mean the minutia make this book unlikeable, and explains why claire and ashley dislike it

[@anniee5487]

you are braver than the us marines for reading this book. it sounds so fucking boring. it was probably transformative or cathartic for her (or not, since she seems to have very little self awareness and still thinks everything is about her), but this couldve stayed in her diary. i saw yours and some other users negative tiktoks about this book and was ready to defend Tendler, i had only heard positive things about her before this, but god this sounds so self indulgent and underbaked. it would not have been published if she wasnt married to John Mullaney.

[@melaniecaprio7797]

Sometimes being a hater is fun. Enjoyed this, for real

[@AutumnOddity]

Honestly I’m only about 15 mins in and it DOES feel braggy about how fucked up she is. When I was in a psych ward after a suicide attempt it was because I was forced to be there. I kept a diary because it was the only thing that kept me sane through it. It was almost as traumatizing as the actual attempt. I know everyone is different but I have kept that journal in the trunk of my car and I don’t even want to open it and read it, let alone write an entire detailed memoir about that experience. I can see how that would help someone but I can’t relate at all to the bragging vibe I get from Tendler.

[@yaya-mk3nn]

this wicked ass comment section is enough to tell me this ep abt to be heaaattttt

[@SophiaAhmed-h6n]

Your Broadway Junction A to L story cured me.

[@Okletsgetintoit]

I agree with most of your commentary here, but you really gloss over the impact of parental neglect. I get that she doesn't seem aware of it, but as readers we should consider the situations that created her behavior. She comes off as unhealthy, immature, and overly sensitive to rejection/failure, but also genuinely confused about why she's stuck in these patterns. The book is annoying, but I think she deserves a bit more compassion.

[@luvsolnishko]

I understand what you mean, but at the same time, she chose to release a book that is meant to be illuminating for people going through similar things, while she has actively chosen to not discover anything really constructive about herself, and used this expirenece in the facility to only confirm her view of herself and the world. She tells the audience that all the problems she has are because of men, and while I understand like you pointed out that she has issues because of her parents, the fact that after 30 something years of living and writing a whole book, she didn't once dig deeper into her relationship with her parents and decenter men from her way of thought. She is clearly still very mentally ill, and trying to compete for most fucked up award by writing this book about her hardships and pandering to the young female community by trying to make it feminist literature. Doing things like disclosing her lowest weight, detailing the nurses reaction to her self harm etc. tells me all I need to know about what this self indulgent book is for her. If she is genuinely confused about the patterns she is stuck in, and wants to reflect on that, sure. But that's not what this book is, and if she is so confused still, maybe she should have kept her thoughts to the diary. I think what she has written is extremely irresponsible and makes me feel little compassion for her because of how this book may negatively affect people who are younger/look up to her. Unfortunatly when you put a book like this out there, the criticism this podcast gives is harsh, but warranted.

[@dn8015]

I HAD NO IDEA YOU MADE VIDEOS 😂😂😂. I have never heard of her or Jon Mullaney but this was great! Love from New Zealand.

[@katiee4396]

If you’re a musical theatre fan, this is giving The Last Five Yeara

[@katiee4396]

When she mentioned the A train I was like “ooh girl, good luck, that’s Brooklyn”

[@mariaprokopetz9391]

Hannah Horvath ghost wrote this

[@KnightsOfBellamy]

1 hour and 48 minutes of you two going "just maybe don't be the way you are" to this woman lmao

[@kamrynphillips9229]

She’s just so obviously not a technically good or okay writer that even her message could’ve been absolutely needed and perfect and I still wouldn’t have liked it

[@littlelune420]

"that animal in Harry potter that you can't look in it's eyes" do you..... do you mean Medusa of Greek mythology? (love u girls!)

[@aprilgirl4]

They mean the basilisk!

[@littlelune420]

@@aprilgirl4 omg I forgot you couldn't look it in the eye!

[@JosieTipton]

she lowkey reminds me of hannah horvath

[@JosieTipton]

or carrie bradshaw

[@sideshowmob]

@@JosieTipton Carrie Bradshaw if she was mentally ill

[@alexisreads]

AMT: thought daughter final boss

[@BoboDada616]

A few years after 9/11 a random guy in a coffee shop said this to me: “Hey, you remember those guys that flew them planes into the twin towers in Manhattan? Whatever happened to those guys anyway?”

[@rachel9120]

Im brand new as a watcher of the pod! & yall, homegirl on the left! I KNOW her face. I am so freakin familiar with it. But I have zerooo idea how & where??! Obvs not this podcast. If I can't fig it out by the time this pod episode is over then I'm headed to Google. Was it buzzfeed? I don't think that's it...but WHY do I recognize herrrr

[@suriedavis]

After the Pam Anderson episode, this one is crazy

[@user-ub6sx9zc3m]

Did I love this book? No. But I also feel like there is a lot more nuance to it than is being acknowledged here

[@lhj276]

When people have money and no direction, they go a little bit mentally ill. Getting a job and working their way up through a company and getting some success NOT in an artistic field does wonders.

[@Alexis-wh6ei]

Ironically this episode was really hard for me to get through. As much as I love the podcast--I listen to it every week--this felt so unnecessarily mean-spirited, a trend I'm also noticing in the comment section. I only vaguely know about this woman but for whatever reason she triggers a weird amount of hostility that I simply cannot wrap my head around; I legitimately don't know why. IIRC Tendler even blocked Claire, which should serve as a moment of reflection because maybe there's a reason for that. Of course, no one is above reproach and criticizing her, or at least her book, is fair given that its a product explicitly meant for public consumption, e.g. complaints about the quality of writing or lack of self-insight. It's akin to the Matthew Perry episode: you can simultaneously acknowledge that people can struggle emotionally and also say annoying things. However this seemed...personal. I do think there's an argument to be made that a little bit more compassion is needed in these cases, something I heard you guys mention in your discussion on All About Love. Idk, I guess cattiness becomes something more vicious in the context of a book dealing with severe mental illness. In fact, this is why I listen to this podcast about celebrity memories rather than another where the hosts were particularly cruel for no reason, especially with serious subjects like abuse. ETA: Now that I think about it Claire and Ashley also display some of the same behaviors as the author like complaining about petty problems that suggests being "out of touch." I don't think this makes them bad people, but given that the hostility feels even stranger.

[@kittysrock16]

I think two things can be true: the book got rightfully criticized while also yall are being a bit unnecessarily harsh. You can make the same criticism without being petty and mean spirited. I went into this unbiased and open minded, however over the course of almost 2 hours, I started to feel more and more uncomfortable. Yes a huge issue is that AMT lacks self awareness and doesn’t seem to take personal accountability/responsibility in certain things, instead defaulting to blaming the world around her. While that’s true, I think you guys don’t understand severe mental illness point blank. It leads to a lot of warped thinking that you probably wont understand unless you have experience with yourself. I do have experience with it and relate to a lot of AMT’s poor experiences with men, for example, except the different is that I’ve grown a lot and understand why I was the way I was and have worked on changing that. Personal growth is different for everyone. Anyways I do agree that she probably should’ve waited until she was further into her healing journey to write this memoir so she could be a bit more self aware. Unfortunately she comes off like she isn’t.

[@philippeh3904]

This is basically third wave white feminism the book. She sounds awful tbh

[@VeganBambi]

you are awful, Philip

[@yrneho]

While I vaguely agree with some of the points they’re making, this review seems unnecessarily harsh on a personal level. I don’t think Anna ever claimed to be a writer let alone a good one…it’s a memoir not a novel. IMO they’ve given way more grace to much worse memoirs, and this one seems like they have a personal vendetta against this woman. I listened to the memoir and yeah it’s not that great or that interesting but neither are the vast majority of memoirs they review

[@platonictiddies]

At least other memoirs that are laughably terrible are still entertaining. This one was just annoying and sad. She's a bored ex-housewife whose main priority in life is to please the men around her. But somehow thinks she's this artistic genius/super feminist.

[@AutumnOddity]

If she didn’t think she’s a writer or a good one then why write and publish a fucking memoir tho

[@amandagail5798]

I feel like this was pretty dismissive towards mental illness. A lot of the stuff that makes y’all annoyed or angry is a symptom of mental illness, which affects you regardless of your privilege or social status. I think she was probably trying to depict the reality of this type of mental illness by showing how self-obsessive you get. Imo, there’s nothing that makes you more narcissistic than self-hatred, because you naturally assume that everyone is thinking about you and what you’re doing all of the time. I understood what she was writing about, since I go through periods of severe body dysmorphia where I literally cannot leave my house because my brain convinces me that everyone will just be thinking about how ugly and weird I am. That being said, the book isn’t well-written or focused. If she intended to show the reality of disordered thinking, I think she could’ve avoided some of the present-day reflective commentary that interrupts the ~authenticity~. The decision to exclude talk of Mulaney is somewhat understandable, but it’s also hard to feel connected to what she’s saying when you know she’s filtering out all of the most important things. So, I do agree with a lot of this criticism, but this review just came off as willfully ignorant to the reality of mental illness. AMT’s thought patterns weren’t supposed to be healthy or justified. They were a symptom of an illness.

[@mybrainbroke5279]

i mean if she said in the book "look at how obsessed with myself i became due to my anxiety. i couldn't see the fact that i was so self conscious i projected that onto my friends and family" she just...does the obsessing and projecting. it doesn't sound like she has that self reflection and self awareness.

[@ticklishaura1]

I usually love your reviews but this one disappointed me. You pointed out some fair insights but overall I do feel like y’all underestimate the effect of mental illness on certain peoples’ life. You kept repeating that Tendler’s obsessive thoughts are a result of her having too much time/not having a job (which she did have various jobs throughout the book, so…?), but honestly repetitive thoughts and upsetting intrusive thoughts are a very real symptom of mental illness. I don’t feel like you’re treating her illness seriously which is offensive and minimizing. Also confused about why you’re upset about her writing about herself (saying she talks about herself too much)… but it’s a memoir..? It’s literally a genre in which folks write about the details of their lives. Idk this really disappointed me as a regular listener. I felt like you guys really made it seem like you don’t think she should write about her experience in her own memoir, and you minimize severe mental illness in a way that can be extremely harmful and invalidating to those of us who do suffer with debilitating mental illness… Also confused by the fact that you always state that if listeners don’t like the podcast or disagree, they are free to turn it off. Like, why not apply this to your podcast? If you dislike her memoir so much, why bully her online about it? Why not just put it down, because it doesn’t resonate with you? Edit: I also read the whole book.

[@luvsolnishko]

Unfortunately nuances are important here and while I understand that you may relate to some things Anna has gone through, the leap from diary to book puts a certain amount of responsibility on an author when it comes to how they write things. It's clear Anna meant this book to be illuminating for readers, yet she herself is clearly still very mentally ill and exhibiting disturbing behavior just in the way this book is written. It's not the actual fact of struggling with mental health, but the way it is portrayed that is the problem. The way she talks about herself in real life situations shows that while, yes this is a memoir about herself, she DOES think too much about herself. Is that something I relate to as someone with severe anxiety? Yes. Would I write a whole book that is so uncritical of this part of myself? NO. Because it's not constructive or helpful for the reader. Usually the point of books on mental illness is displaying the symptoms with a removed understanding why those symptoms exist and why they are not constructive. But she doesn't do that, she centers men at all her problems, clearly see's mental illness as a competition (stating her lowest weight during her eating disorder, talking about how disturbed the nurse was with her self harm, etc) I fear being mentally ill is not a pass to be irresponsible with what you put out into the world, as someone with mental illness and someone who has delt with similar things Anna has, I find this book irresponsible and offensive. While these girls seem harsh they are CRITICS and they are giving a critical book reveiw which is the reality of releasing a whole book about yourself! Im not sure my words will reach you, and at the risk of sounding patronizing, I highly encourage you to be more critical of what you consume, learn the difference between good and bad writing/memoirs and know that you deserve better and more constructive representation.

[@ticklishaura1]

@@luvsolnishko Thanks for your comment. When someone has a mental illness like anxiety/depression/ptsd/eating disorder, etc., it’s never really gone, it’s managed. Much like recovering from alcohol addiction, you’ll never be totally “over” it- you’ll be dealing with managing your addiction for the rest of your life. I disagree that a person needs to be completely healed from and/or removed from a mental illness (which isn’t possible) in order to write about their experience. I think that’s an unrealistic and ableist perspective, because those of us with mental illness will never be able to totally “snap out” of our mental illness in order to write, or create, or even just exist in the world. Some of the best, most critically-acclaimed memoirs have been written from a place of active emotion about an experience a person is going through, or has just gone through, not from a removed, cold, and clinical perspective. Emotionality is part of what makes great writing great. To connect it to a metaphor, you wouldn’t want to go to an Alanis Morisette concert to hear her sing calmly from a place of cold removal from her emotional experience. Usually what makes a great artist of any kind is embodiment of and expression of emotion and personal experience. Some of the best works in the fiction and memoir genres use an unreliable narrator, to help draw the reader into the feeling of what it was like to experience an event first hand. I think Anna employs this to a certain extent, and it’s very effective in helping the reader imagine what it’s like to be in her shoes. I don’t think it has to be Anna’s goal to package up her experience in an illuminating and perfectly pleasant, digestible way for the reader. While I believe the book was very pleasant and understandable, how do we know that Anna’s goal wasn’t to artistically express her memory of an experience? An artist doesn’t (and usually shouldn’t) create with the reader as their first and only priority. If you try to write in a way that will be pleasant to every person, you’ll end up with such a sanitized and boring book that its only purpose might be to slide into place on a corporate office bookshelf. I think you may be looking for a different kind of book if you’re looking for a removed diagnostic manual on mental illness. That would be somewhere in the manual or self-help therapy section, rather than the memoir section. It’s your interpretation that she’s seeing her mental illness as competition- she doesn’t ever write that in the book. She does, however, mention that she feels she has to over-explain and over-qualify herself to be taken seriously as mentally ill, especially with men and male doctors. I think this is a pretty real thing that most women-identifying people experience. It’s a fact that women’s pain is not taken seriously, so I’m not sure why her taking her own illness seriously and writing about the illness in detail is a problem. To me, there’s a difference between examining a book or a piece of writing with critical eye, and doing what this review did. This review was a bullying session - reading into and assuming details of Tendler’s life and experience that she did not expressly write about, then proceeding to trash her and look down upon her journey and her experiences. If you want to critique the book for what it did well or failed to accomplish in a literary sense, that’s fair game, and CMBC did do that in certain areas - like I mentioned in my initial comment- however, most of the review was simply assuming things, downplaying her experience, flat out bullying her about her life choices, and prescribing her advice about how to manage her life, without actually being qualified to do so. It’s really odd to me that you would assume I’m an uncritical reader. I have a BA and an MA in literature and creative writing…

[@thefamouscommenter]

I wish she wrote this book a little further along on her recovery journey, or perhaps returns to this idea in a few years for a second book. I think there are really fantastic insights she could share with us, but sadly I think she's too wrapped up in it to share with us authentically. I don't think there's a hard and fast timeline as to when this could happen, but I think she needs to be able to self reflect more honestly than what she is capable of right now.

[@platonictiddies]

​@@thefamouscommenteryeah it's like an addict who is clearly still on drugs writing a memoir about recovery. She was not ready to write about her experiences since she clearly still doesn't fully understand them.

[@spaceygemini]

i mean...but then that's not a book you write to sell to the public. your incredibly self-aggrandizing and neurotic unfiltered thoughts with no introspection, self-critique, or growth are fine when they're in your diary or your therapist's yellow notepad, but when you take on the responsibility of being a memoirist your job is to craft a narrative to be read, consumed, analyzed, and hopefully enjoyed by an audience. if AMT hasn't done that work yet, she wasn't ready to write a good book.

[@spoiledoatmilk]

your voices sound so much like the giggly squad podcast and its actually uncanny

[@giawww]

This is such a weirdly bitter and mean-spirited conversation that it's actually kind of hard to listen to. There are definitely things to criticize in the book and the way she handles some of these topics, but this very much feels like you both already personally disliked her and went in looking for any possible reason to say something bad about her or her writing, which is especially gross given how you talk about her mental health issues. Should have stayed in the drafts

[@goldrush18x]

It was actually quite refreshing to hear people come at this logically and not from the same old “Anna is a queen, John Mulaney is Satan” perspective that is so popular amongst her fans. From what I’ve heard she does not portray herself in a positive light in this book and it has nothing to do with her mental health issues but rather her entitlement, laziness, and lack of self awareness. While they do criticize her, they also give her the benefit of the doubt several times and are pretty understanding toward her struggles. They’re allowed to not like her book and share their issues with the things she said in it. Nothing wrong with that.

[@giawww]

​@@goldrush18x There's nothing logical about the way they break this down, half of time they're grasping at straws trying to explain how every line is or isn't a slight against John Mullaney, who she very clearly and intentionally doesn't talk about beyond 3 vague mentions of the fact that she's getting divorced. You can't pretend they're "cutting through the narrative" when they're the ones who won't stop talking about him and their relationship. Setting that aside, I've actually read the book, and while I agree that she comes off as kind of unlikable, I think that's actually a point in its favor. She's a messy person chronicling a history of increasingly severe mental health issues that she's still grappling with, and she's not papering over the ugly reality of her thoughts and behavior or hiding her flaws. Half the time she herself will point out how she was wrong to say or think what she did. It feels less like a lack of self awareness and more like an intentional choice. The book isn't a masterpiece by any means, it's mainly just okay, and there are definitely things I think could have been done or handled better, but the way they talk about it makes it very clear that they went in looking to hate it and her and interpreted everything in the worst possible way. A lot of it is just straight up bad reading comprehension.

[@goldrush18x]

@@giawww For starters, they do not spend the whole review talking about John Mulaney. They simply acknowledge the elephant in the room that is her marriage and divorce from a very famous comedian which is indeed the thing that “put her on the map”… it’s also the main reason most people were interested in reading the book. She left the relationship out, therefore a huge chunk of context is missing from the book. That context could’ve helped people be more understanding and sympathetic toward her. You also have to do some real mental gymnastics to believe she intentionally made herself seem insufferable. Anna clearly lacks self awareness and probably will be shocked to find that other women have issues with the things she said. She obviously thinks her experience is the universal woman experience. I’ve heard nearly the same exact review from numerous people that like Anna as a person and artist. Your issue with this review has nothing to do with reading comprehension or them being mindless haters but rather your desire to give her the benefit of the doubt in every scenario.

[@giawww]

@@goldrush18x I have zero investment in the author as a person, but I think the way they discuss mental illness here is gross and focusing so heavily on the celebrity drama aspect is in incredibly poor taste. You'll have to forgive me if I don't find your assessment of a book you've never read to be particularly convincing.

[@goldrush18x]

@@giawww None of their criticism had anything to do with her mental illness. None of it. Anything negative they said was about her personality.

[@Miekimn]

She does seem like someone that I may not care to be around but you all snarking and rolling your eyes at her perceived traumatic moments feels yucky. Had to stop halfway

[@bookchick101]

I also thought it was weird to not even mention John mulaney. Like she mentioned every other boyfriend in her life but skipped over her marriage? If she didn’t want to talk about him at least give a chapter about why etc.

[@FragranceEuphoria]

Probably an NDA. And even if there wasn't an NDA if I were her I'd be way to scared to even mention him. He's a huge and adored celebrity and he portrays himself as this wholesome lovable guy. If she were to say anything negative about him she probably wouldn't be believed and his stans would come for her or John would use his power of him and his fanbase to silence her, say horrific things about her, gaslight her to his massive audience or sue her. Imagine if someone adored and loved by the world was secretly a horrible person to you and you spoke up about it? So many things could happen and none would be positive. Also let's not forget he cheated on her so she is being ridiculously kind to not mention that in the book. If my spouse cheated on me it would be really hard not to put that in my memoir as that would affect me very deeply.

[@1angelette]

Respectfully, why was there not a content warning for the relationship between 17-year-old Tendler and a 30+ man who "should be in jail"?

[@sideshowmob]

the whole book was content warned.

[@1angelette]

​@@sideshowmob No. The video has four content warnings: 1. John Mulaney isn't mentioned. 2. Animal health issues. 3. Suicidal ideation. 4. The podcasters do not think suicidal ideation fully mitigates the issues with the author. THIS TOPIC, which the podcasters ADMIT is alarming, is not trigger warned. The video is targeted at people who have never heard of the book, and furthermore googling Men Have Called Her Crazy trigger warnings doesn't easily yield results (I only found anything when I switched to the term "content warning")

[@TheAnnieLv]

Guys, do you even like women ? Anna’s worst crime is being annoying. You are trying to make it seem like she hasn’t been through anything. Making fun of her internal anxious monologues is a real low blow. It doesn’t matter if someone is privileged or not, having your mind race 24/7 is exhausting and scary. She has been through trauma, simply due to the fact that she was born a woman, and you trying to ignore the inherently traumatic female experience is INSANE.

[@TheAnnieLv]

I don’t like her, and I agree with the comments that her descriptions of her body/ self harm is dangerous, but you didn’t treat her like a human being in this review.

[@sideshowmob]

They didn't like this particular annoying person. They'be been through many incredible women's memoir, women who've been through imense amount of trauma and mental illness. I'm sorry if you identified with Tendler, I also identified a little in a part of myself that I want to change. The only reason she got to wrote a book is because she's the pretty, thin, white, artsy ex of a very rich man.

[@pollyflores418]

Ok I do feel like when you talk about someone with severe anxiety who can’t seem to hold down a job or socialize because of it and end up saying “you have too much time to think about yourself, get a job and stop being self involved” you ARE dismissing mental illness! You are! Being kinda ableist!

[@mybrainbroke5279]

there comes a point where someone with a mental illness needs to be held accountable. nearly 40 years of blaming everyone else for how she's feeling is clearly not doing anyone in her life any good. there's dealing with a mental illness, and then there's allowing yourself to remain sick for the sake of continuing to be sick. i’m severely mentally ill, but it is possible to get treatment and come out the other side and saying it's impossible for her to do so is just not true.

[@platonictiddies]

​This. Especially with all the comments she makes about how thin she was and how even the nurse was shocked by her cutting. She relishes being the most mentally ill in the book which is something the girls critique several times. They wouldn't have gone in so hard if it wasn't so obvious the writer is romanticizing and glorifying her mental illness.

[@pollyflores418]

@@mybrainbroke5279 I would argue looking for a facility to go inpatient and work on her mental health is taking responsibility, but the way it’s discussed in this podcast makes it sound like she should have changed all on her own

[@taylor3342]

This! Do they just base their reviews on whether they liked the celebrity or not prior to reading their book?

[@sideshowmob]

As someone with severe social anxiety, I've identified that myself. Anxiety can be so self obsessed, and idleness made me indulge in my distorted thinkig

[@alyssa7942]

I think the hosts, especially Claire don't have any understanding of art or ballet. I see no problems in switching between media, she's still creating as an artist, and ballet really is make or break by a young age. I agree the book has more issues than strengths, but these two things aren't problems.

[@KathrynOwen-vu6qk]

calling her ‘self obsessed’ when shes writing about nearly killing herself is demented & classless

[@KathrynOwen-vu6qk]

& while im at it, claire is so rude & demeaning to her cohost it is genuinely hard to watch how little chemistry these two have i cant believe ive been subscribed for this long

[@little_cal_bear]

bye 🎉

[@goldrush18x]

@@KathrynOwen-vu6qk No that probably had more to do with her assuming everything is about her… including another person’s drug withdrawal symptoms lol

​@@goldrush18xoh shut up. You haven't even read the book. AMT is really sympathetic towards the other women in the clinic. But you wouldn't know because you haven't read the book....

[@alexs0s]

i’ve read the book and i agree with them. it comes off really jarring

[@OnlineinMT]

Yikes. Maybe ya'll should have skipped this one. It was less of a book recap and more of a mean girl rant over someone you clearly already didn't like.

[@subahkamal3764]

Not sure how any criticism of A woman has now come to mean, mean girl behaviour?

[@OnlineinMT]

@@subahkamal3764 Maybe just my own interpretation but I didn't understand it as simply criticism. It just felt different and more pointed than most of their episodes. And given their history with AMT it just felt icky.

[@madi3265]

​@@OnlineinMTwait what's their history with amt?

[@OnlineinMT]

@@madi3265 If I recall correctly they were some of the first people to break the Olivia Munn pregnancy story and AMT has had them blocked for sometime now.

[@goldrush18x]

You clearly need to hear this - criticizing a woman is not inherently “mean girl” behavior. They’re allowed to dislike her book and share the issues they had with it. They’re not the only ones, either. I’ve heard the same exact critiques from multiple people that consider themselves fans of Anna. I don’t think they were ever downright nasty in a way that makes it seem like they already disliked her before reading the book.

[@ElizabethM-h6w]

This review is just petty. The critique of the well written and beautifully descriptive sentence… that was a reach to try to dig at. Also, the point is she has so much anxiety about her life falling apart and how it’s triggered by men! Note the back and forth narrative style between present and past! She doesn’t have to explain the issues in her present marriage… she needs to explain how she learned to stop hurting herself every time a man disappointed her. I think this is a memoir with a lot of heart and it’s trying to get at the complexities of loss and admitting it is hard, no matter how old you get, to pick yourself up.

[@jessicahuenink3796]

I wish I could laugh react to this

[@yaya-mk3nn]

@@ElizabethM-h6w which sentence did u find well written and beautiful… 🤨

[@aliciles]

anna is that you

[@siancarlton4805]

this is so disrespectful.

[@yrneho]

I agree. You can give a critical, negative review while still being respectful but this wasn’t that.

[@AlexandraGlinski]

a lot of the 'digs' in this are just like tell me you don't know what social anxiety is without telling me you don't know what social anxiety is lol

[@AlexandraGlinski]

or tell me you don't know what a memoir is without telling me you don't know what a memoir is... "she just never stops talking about herself"

[@meggy666]

the internalized misogyny is in the room with us i fear

[@goldrush18x]

@@meggy666 no it’s not lol

[@paige2567]

Misogyny =\= critiquing women, and feminism =\= praising women without question.

[@siancarlton4805]

I agree!!!!

8:10 safe to say that you didn't do a good job...

If you can't stand the author of a book, maybe don't review their book. Reviews are never unbiased and/or objective but your review is so mean spirited from the start. Be honest with yourselves... is there any chance that AMT could've written a book you resonated with? Before reading the book, I only knew her as John Mulaney's wife. I initially wanted to read AMT's memoir because I thought she'd spill some tea on her divorce. And in my opinion, it was a good move to never really mention him besides saying that she's dependant on his money and that she's in the midst of a divorce. Who knows, maybe she'll write another memoir. Who knows why she decided to leave him out of this book. I really don't know what the point of this abysmal review was. If you wanted to be sassy and funny or whatever you two failed miserably. If you wanted to make other people dislike AMT.. maybe you succeeded in that... but I wouldn't be proud of that. In short, you two should really learn to take your ego out of the equation. Otherwise all your book reviews will be as bad as this one..

[@glitchpink]

is this your first day on earth their a celebrity memoir book club of course they are going to review a celebrity memoir. you’re acting personally attacked by their book review. your not anna marie tendler get that stick out of your ass.

[@megib901]

Here I'll write a review you like since you're under ALL of these comments : Anna Marie wittewbaby googoo gaga 👶😢🥺🥺so good at writing better than shakespear #girl boss feminism yaaaaasss queeeenndom so fierce diva‼️‼️‼️‼️💯💯💯💯 werk girl!!! Is that good enough?

@@megib901 Have you read the book? We can have a real discussion about it, if you want. I don't believe that everyone will like the memoir. And if you hate the book for whatever reason, that's totally fine, of course. As I said, let's have a discussion. I just don't like this particular review of the book because the podcast hosts obviously have some kind of history with AMT and really dislike her on a very personal level. Therefore, they come off as very petty and the review feels very insubstantial... And what I really don't like is people in the comments acting like AMT is an awful person and wrote a rubbish book when their opinion is only based on this single review by two people who don't even try to give AMT the benefit of the doubt. And maybe ask yourself who can't stand criticism here..

[@megib901]

I did! And, fun fact, I went into it REALLY hoping to like it because I had a bit of a parasocial attachment to her years ago during the divorce lol so I was already reading it completely biased on her side. That said, the writing was so lazy and, in my opinion, much too journal like for a memoir and not in a positive way. I found actual typos while reading it which was the last thing I expected, and I vehemently believe that if you respect your readers and fans, the MINIMUM you can do is spell check or hire an editor. That said, the typos could also be categorized as not her fault because the company that published her should've overlooked the book, but I still took me out of it. This is a professionally published book, mind you. Again, we can swoop that aside as not Anna's fault because we all make typos. Me especially! Now, onto actual critiques: I do not know how, while writing this book, she never took a break to read it and think, "Hm, this does not put me in a good light." While the patriarchy pays a part in every woman's lives (and a very strict, cruel role, at that), most issues she mentions are simply not caused by it as much as her laziness. She is simply lazy. She has been offered many opportunities in a golden platter that women would kill for and has constantly refused to work on any of them. The reason she isn't successful and famous is not because of the patriarchy only, but because she refuses to work towards said success. There's poor women, black women, disabled women with careers built solely on their own selves that didn't have even 1% of all of the opportunities she had. Reading the memoir, the one impression of her I got was that she was just so lazy. Not only her actions show this but her writing, too. The writing is boring. Filler, even. So many details were unneeded and simply could've been skipped without the book's substance being lost whatsoever. The books focal point is her dislike for men, which, fair enough, and yet the whole book is focused on men. One part of the video you can't deny is true is how male focused Anna is. Her self victimization was too overdone. Yes, everyone is a victim, but the amount of things that she mentions, for which she puts the tag of victim on herself is so insane. It's just a cycle of "I am an angel, I was hurt, I tried to recover, I am an angel, I was hurt..." and on and on. No accountability, no retrospection and no growth in such a long book. Reading it, I felt flabbergasted that nothing happened pretty much lmao. For a mental health memoir, that's very weird lol. If you're dealing with mental health still, cool, all the luck in the world to you, but not everyone need to make a memoir. It felt unfinished. I would've rather ed she wrote this when there was a better understanding of the cycles in her life but it just felt repetitive and not in a way that gave meaning to the story. The truth is the more I read on, the less I liked her. I understood she has virtually nothing going on for her. She's doing lamps and photography and a million dollar home. Good for her, but what about when she gets bored of that? She's a pathological quitter, and that's her biggest issue that she has to deal with. Over all, the story is unfinished. Even the sadder, heartfelt scenes just didn't give that impression because of how uninteresting her writing style is. Also, this is a personal thing but at someone who's has an ED the weight specifications made me feel gross lol but that didn't take away from my opinion I swear it was just something I wish I knew beforehand. And last thing I'll say just incase you think this has anything to do with JM, I was actually SO happy months ago when I heard that she wouldn't be mentioning him in the book because I truly went into this book wanting to know HER, completely detached from him.

[@princessbewwa2830]

almost died in traffic to turn this off after 2 minutes not trying to be mean but maybe one of the trigger warnings should’ve been that you don’t get it :(

[@vanessarice4081]

oh my god touch grass

[@siancarlton4805]

they are being so horrible and mean :(

[@jlynn468]

I gave it a full six minutes to try to see if how they talk was a joke or some sort of play, but it’s not so yeah I don’t care what you’re saying. I can’t even take it in with how you talk both of you not to be completely rude, but I just letting you know. Don’t feel too bad being too rude to two people that are obnoxious, but everyone’s entitled to their opinion so good luck girls

[@SunflowerCat333]

This book is not a good fit for review on your channel. Your reviews are usually entertaining. Trying to review this book full of the distorted thought patterns of an author with severe mental illness just ends up being sad. Still love your channel and wishing you all the best.

[@taylor3342]

Amazon should really vet who they sell podcast mics to.

[@FishareFriendsNotFood972]

I mean........it's a MEMOIR. It's supposed to be navel gazing. It's supposed to read too much into childhood events. It's supposed to be self centered. If she had just covered the events of her life with a 'womp womp, then I just got over it', it simply would not be following the format of a memoir, one that is supposed to have themes and a narrative arc, when most people's real lives just don't have that. The narrative arc here is clearly, 'I am a victim of men'. I can understand finding that theme uninspiring, but nitpicking that she tried to pick a theme at all, or that the book is self centered.......seems not the most compelling critique. She sounds like a pitiful character.....sometime those types of protagonists are great, if it's well written. And it sounds like you guys were too interesting in judging the character's choices and finding her unlikable instead of just enjoying the narrative.

[@siancarlton4805]

not girls girls

[@goldrush18x]

“Being a girls girl is when you never criticize a woman ever” - you

[@lauracaskey7730]

Neither is Anna