5 Relationship Lessons I Learned the Hard Way (Christian Marriage/Relationship Tips)

After 10 years of Christian marriage, here are 5 Christian relationship lessons I learned the hard way.
(ON SALE) The One: How to Know and Trust God’s Sovereign Plan for Your Future Marriage www.amazon.com...
(Article) 5 Christian Relationship Lessons I Learned the Hard Ways applygodsword.c...
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BOOKS and BIBLE STUDIES, by Mark Ballenger:
(ON SALE) The One: How to Know and Trust God’s Sovereign Plan for Your Future Marriage www.amazon.com...
The Ultimate Guide to Christian Singleness www.amazon.com...
Intertwined: Our Happiness Is Tied to God’s Glory www.amazon.com...
Redeemed Like David: How to Overcome Sexual Temptation www.amazon.com...
Never Quit: A 5 Week Small Group Bible Study on the Power of Prayer www.amazon.com...
Basic Transformation: A Small Group Bible Study on the Basics of Christianity and Transformation www.amazon.com...
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[@forthejoyfit]

Love what you said in this. My friend uses the term HALT whenever she is in a bad mood and asks herself if it’s because she’s Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired😂 Sometimes we just need some good food and a nap!

[@ApplyGodsWordcomMarkBallenger]

So true Kalli Grace!

[@mereani]

Omg this is brilliant 😆 Love it!

[@pinkfuschia8140]

That's a good one. I have a thing I do when it's that time of the month. I wake up exhausted as if I've done a day's work before I've started and come home wrecked and usually can't keep cool if someone is cross with me as I usually can. So I don't read texts or get in conversations with anyone that I find difficult normally. I just go to bed early and switch off watching sermons on here. Any problems I have I deal with when its over so I don't fall out with anyone and more able to control my words.

[@forthejoyfit]

Pink Fuschia Good idea :)

[@ladiesman-to2oy]

God gave Elijah some snacks and some sleep when he was suicidal, it helped

[@kimm.8224]

I'm so glad that he addressed the verse about not going to bed angry. That verse has been over applied. It's a great verse. However, some issues cannot be resolved before going to bed. Some issues take time and effort in order to be resolved.

[@jerrylisby5376]

Exactly

[@iamjulian2810]

@@jerrylisby5376 being resolved and not going to bed angry is a big difference.

[@angelflower176]

Hey Mark can your wife do a video answering this same question or advice for girls? :)

[@ApplyGodsWordcomMarkBallenger]

I will let her know and see what she says :)

[@thulaganyomaphakwane4045]

That's a good idea! It would be so helpful

[@user-nj5cl6xs4n]

Id like to see that video as well.

[@danilaroche1156]

Most women talk and talk to relieve stress or to connect. Great video, Mark.

[@cianazhou5085]

"What you say" vs. "How you say it" 50/50 important👍 communication is important in different ways. 👏speak the truth in Love 💗💕

[@dailylifeofanything399]

Basically all of my problem conversation wise with the girl i just broke up with. Wish i was enriched in this area earlier. But then, without a harsh lesson, a person may never learn. So im grateful for this growth God has allowed me. Hoping she will find it in her heart that ive made a change thru christ and believe that God will continue to work on our relationship

[@ApplyGodsWordcomMarkBallenger]

Yes, keep seeking the Lord no matter what, he will guide and mature you

[@marksmall8881]

Fantastic video. And a hearty congrats to you, Mark, for ten years of marriage to Bethany- what a blessing from God!

[@nancyreed5379]

To understood her feelings . Always don’t need to talk about relationship problems . Never go to bed angry .Ephesians 4:26

[@pineappledonut5011]

Please pray for me that God's will, will be done in an unspoken part of my life that is happening right now.

[@courtneykirk478]

Mr. Mark, you are a grown up man in the Lord. Thank you.

[@jasmineviola5630]

I learned so many things in a single video..Thank you Jesus

[@ApplyGodsWordcomMarkBallenger]

God is good!

[@JesusisHere777]

I Loved the truth about it not always being a spiritual attack but something simple and important as your health

[@michellemiha4362]

I would love to see a Bethany-version of this video! Men are as much a mystery to us as we are to you!

[@gamingchannel7696]

Good to hear. Maybe women like you can be a beacon to others who are so ignorant as to say that men are "predictable". Smh.

[@misspriss2482]

The first one is my problem and I'm a woman. I am an analytical person and if someone tells me a situation, particularly if this is the 1000th time that you mentioned it, I go into problem-solving mode. Otherwise, quit complaining. I've gotten better about letting people vent, but I have no intention to listening to 30-minute rants on a daily basis about a work situation if you're not willing to do anything about it. My philosophy is: accept the situation, fix it, or just hush about it.

[@BluDrop5]

I've learned that some people take advantage of good listeners. I end up suggesting therapy because they start to become draining.

[@lisacutsinger7367]

Mark you’ve done it again! Great great GREAT advice! I’ve experienced that first point many times with my dad. Men all too often just have this “mr. fix it” mindset which is fine but sometimes women just need a listening ear. Also that last point I felt like was essential. It’s definitely how I live my life. With working full time and trying to get my nursing degree it’s important that I get enough sleep and try to eat right. Also due to me being an introvert, at the end of every day I try to give myself time and space to myself to unwind.

[@ApplyGodsWordcomMarkBallenger]

Wise words here, thanks for sharing :)

[@rinarodriguez4234]

Thank you for sharing so honestly and openly! Blessings to you and your wife.

[@ApplyGodsWordcomMarkBallenger]

My pleasure!

[@Bea94Spacca]

Thank you this was so educational and could use this tips when I will be in a dating/marital season in my life. It would be interesting to see Bethany's point of view on this; Congratulations for your 10 years anniversary, I pray that God will bless your family and to keep giving you the wisdom to answer our questions.

[@Sachaslord]

WOW ! Such a good video, and I so agree with what you said !! Thanks for saying all of those things and expressing them so clearly, and thanks for your honesty and modesty. Thanks to your wife too, that she let your share those things.

[@LifeIsDank]

It's nice to be able to say, the problem isn't solved, but I'm not angry, let's rest and see how to resolve it later. Because a lot of things take time. And processing which everyone does differently. Being able to regulate yourselves and take a few moments to calm down the emotions, and be like Im sorry, i love you, and especially at night, just calm down, let it go, goodnight, get some rest, and later come back to it with a whole different bigger perspective. 💖🙏🏼 The anger part is the key for me. Because I won't sleep if there is anger. So you have to be able to let the anger go and rest. 💖 If y'all can be like ok there is an issue here let's both think about the issue(us against the problem not each other) and take time to also pray about it, we will come back to this at a better time 💕

[@natewwc2741]

Great video! So true and common in relationships. Very helpful

[@sonofskyrim1331]

Thanks for making this video Mark, definately saved this one, as a older Christian single bloke, I definately see myself & relate to the way you responded in these instances. Definately needed to hear this one in my season of singleness. What about making another video with your wife regarding this subject, so that the single ladies can be blessed by what nuggets of wisdom she has learnt during your years of being married? Providing you haven't already🙂

[@mariaaceves8827]

Lol!! When you said, “for no purpose...” I literally stopped what I was doing and just looked up at the phone. Lol

[@ApplyGodsWordcomMarkBallenger]

Hahaha, I know, I'm still learning lol

[@gabrielamartinyuk6438]

Maria Aceves it is for a purpose for us 🙂 The purpose is to share and be heard. I wish I knew why we do this - but God made us that way...

[@gabrielamartinyuk6438]

The going to bed angry thing is a heart issue. Let it go and go to bed and talk about in the next day ... but don’t go to bed resentful and angry.

[@jerrylisby5376]

I noticed it immediately. He made a pretty good recovery though. Ha

[@nancyreed5379]

It’s about we say it . Communicate in amazing ways . Ephesians 4:15 Not always the centre . of her emotions . Food sleep and physical stuff . HALT hungry , angry , lonely and Tired. Exercise

[@BluDrop5]

E-HALT...lol.

[@guitarsmotorcycles8606]

Great advice man. Now if I can only find a wife to try it on :P

[@williambarlow9291]

Amen brother

[@missweenieboys2]

This not new to me, but I will save this video for future reference. In the heat of the moment is not a good time to talk about problems for me at least. Thank you Mark for all the work you do for this channel. It has helped me in more ways than I can count.

[@ApplyGodsWordcomMarkBallenger]

So glad the channel has been helpful!

[@clauderlenetan]

Thanks for sharing your insights. Helpful. God bless!

[@pcb9134]

I love the video! It was really useful! Thanks for sharing it! It would be great if you upload a video about Bethany’s learnings in a hard way as a wife.

[@Millennial.christian]

Guys, continue to share your opinions and solve all the problems you like. I think women should appreciate a man's opinion even if they don't want a solution...

[@nancyreed5379]

Solve the problem immediately. Emotions are high , hard to control rational conversation..Don’t be unforgiving .

[@mariaaceves8827]

But these videos are awesome, I’ve shared the link to your free ebook to my youth group! Thanks!

[@ApplyGodsWordcomMarkBallenger]

My pleasure, so glad it was helpful, I hope they enjoy the book :)

[@gracetran]

Always so wise, nuanced, balanced, prudent :) Thanks for sharing, Mark! These things need to be talked about more often, and you're helping so many of us!! I have a question I've been struggling with: how can I effectively help (or should I?) my partner feel more confident about himself as a leader in our relationship when he often tends to compare himself with my level of faith + also higher-paying job/career successes (which I've told him don't matter to me)? I recognise I tend to be a strong "leader" but what's the balance between giving him space to "lead" vs. taking initiative to proactively support/invest in our relationship?

[@ApplyGodsWordcomMarkBallenger]

Great question, I will add that to my list because I haven't talked about "leading in dating." dating is not the same as marriage so a woman should not follow her boyfriend like her husband. Dating is less about improving a relationship and more about gauging a relationship. I would focus more on how he is rather than on how to change him. If you are hoping he changes at this point in the relationship it would be a red flag to me if you married him.

[@gracetran]

@@ApplyGodsWordcomMarkBallenger wow, really interested to hear more on this!! Thanks for the reply, though. Really helps already.

[@courtneykirk478]

This was an excellent video. Again, thank you.

[@ApplyGodsWordcomMarkBallenger]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[@jj-vf7wm]

3rd tip I’ve learned the hard way. Came out wrong all because I was driven by emotion at the moment.

[@kevinkkirimii]

Well said.

[@ZBooneBeats]

Nice video!

[@ApplyGodsWordcomMarkBallenger]

Thanks!

[@spark300c]

all thinking type personality type do that where if give him or her problem they try solve it. just more guys are thinking type than girls. I kind weird as intp when get emotionality I want just hear me out. when I am not emotional then I not that way.

[@ireneswelt]

Thank you for sharing your experience, Mark! 💫

[@TheyCallMeSUCCESS]

Very informative video, great work!

[@ApplyGodsWordcomMarkBallenger]

So glad it was helpful!

[@rockkstah2550]

This is why Paul said it is better to be single.

[@danilaroche1156]

Yet Paul recognized this wasn't for most people. It was his gift. He also ended the chapter stating it was his OPINION.

[@rockkstah2550]

@@danilaroche1156your right, I forgot about that, thanks for pointing it out..

[@migdaliamojica7123]

Amen, very clear the points you gave across.God bless you 🌷🌷🌷

[@ApplyGodsWordcomMarkBallenger]

Migdalia Mojica 👍

[@T12321]

So honest and helpful. Thank you

[@MikeHersnt]

Great lessons bro! Thanks for sharing🙏

[@ApplyGodsWordcomMarkBallenger]

My pleasure!

[@brokegirl1452]

Ty provide good information in all videos. Very clear in mind person. I appreciate it you and your wifes life lessons helped me alot to help mine.

[@leahmsve]

This was a great message

[@ApplyGodsWordcomMarkBallenger]

So glad it was helpful :)

[@choochoocharli]

The verse about not letting the sun go down upon your wrath.. in context with relationship troubles, if you don't have time to discuss everything could it mean just lovingly agreeing to disagree until you can actually address it, if that's possible?

[@tonygutierrez4651]

AWESOME information man! Keep up the good work 😁

[@Pandoragmys]

Hi Mark, have watched your videos for 2 years now. Could you do a video on not comparing your relationship to other Christian couples? I find that I keep doing that and don't know how to love my partner enough as a result because I'm always nitpicking how he (and myself) is like because I always see "power couples" and then feel as if my relationship isn't good enough, though we have healthy boudaries and we are both Christians who go to church (maybe slightly iregularly). While other couples are doing so many spiritual stuff like evangelising to people, being cell group leaders to others and ministering. Feeling super demoralised right now and hope you can help? I don't know if it's the holy spirit telling me to go back to God and be single or my inferiority overcoming me again

[@mikibernard746]

Hi there. I really hope Mark helps with this great questions. I am single but I compare myself to other Christians too. I think it's a terrible habit I have to recognise and stop it in its tracks.

[@ApplyGodsWordcomMarkBallenger]

Great video suggestion, I'll see what I can do.

[@mikibernard746]

@@ApplyGodsWordcomMarkBallenger God Bless you sir.

[@annkariuki2469]

This is awesome must share to my fiancee

[@ApplyGodsWordcomMarkBallenger]

So glad it was helpful!

[@BluDrop5]

Maybe you can ask your wife if she wants a listening ear or your honest feedback when she shares. That way, you'll know what she desires in that moment.

[@mariacarmelaperez3912]

This is very helpful 👍😊👏

[@ApplyGodsWordcomMarkBallenger]

I'm so glad this was helpful!

[@DanTasticEntertainment]

The part about saying things the wrong way is tough for me. My last serious relationship was with an emotionally abusive person who constantly had a problem with the way I said things. It left me on edge all the time and always second guessing myself. Would you have any advice on applying that tip without slipping back into old patterns?

[@merlinsvdd]

Good video.

[@nancyreed5379]

I’m so bless this video 🙏

[@PicturesHDx]

Great content

[@ApplyGodsWordcomMarkBallenger]

God bless!

[@sus5434]

MARK HAD ME DYIN' AT 8:20 💀💀

[@gamingchannel7696]

Hopefully I can find a woman who's not like that. Facts don't care about feelings, and that's the cold hard truth. If someone gets mad at me for thinking about ways to solve a problem, then it's not the relationship for me. It's unnecessary to listen to a problem that cannot be done anything about, nor is it welcome to my ears to hear. Wisdom calls for logic; not emotion.

[@misspriss2482]

I'm a woman and I think like that. I'm not much for putting up with continuous venting/complaining about something if the person isn't willing to take my advice. As a matter of fact, if I don't want someone's advice about something, I tend to keep it to myself.

[@BluDrop5]

Perhaps you can ask her if she wants a listening ear or your honest advice.

[@Hannah-wz1si]

I think there is a healthy balance between adjusting your behavior to suit the other gender and also allowing the core attributes of your gender to still be expressed. For example, maybe instead of a woman being mad about a man not telling as many details about his day as she does, she could just work on accepting that men normally don’t talk unless they have something important to say. Or instead of a man trying to solve everything the woman says, he could try to just listen. Naturally, we will interpret behavior the way it makes sense to our own gender-but with work you can adjust and try to understand why the other person does the things that they do.

[@madladiesscientists6894]

I think I might be a man cuz I do this with so many of my friends that I don't always connect. I've been getting better about sharing my feelings through out the years, but it still feels complex, especially when someone else tells me something and I have a solution, it didn't makes sense why they'd shut down. Now I get it, like when I just wanna vent to a friend, they do too :) it makes sense now that I'm a bit older ☺️ 🙏 took a while though, lol 🤣

[@emotionalrobot632]

If you get to learn the hard way, I get to also. It's probably not for everyone, but I love first-hand information because I do not always agree with what is published. I think you have a great channel. Sometimes I feel though, in some of your videos, you are taking the Word at legalism and not reiterating that we all fall short of the glory of God. I have seen some of your vids where its done well. I wish they all did, even if you just superimpose text at key points in the vid. Christians are missing the mark daily... even on their best day.... whether it is having a slightly bad attitude, or sexual sin as a single, various levels of sin on this side of glory. Identify sin, but also state they gospel in tandem every time please. All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. That will not change until He takes us up with Him.

[@PicturesHDx]

What if she have Bad days..... Eveeeeeery day for more than a year

[@christhompson5887]

👍

[@Stratman389]

i never learn

[@danilaroche1156]

Mark is wonderful. I wish he'd get to the dentist and fix those 'vampire' teeth.

[@michaele.odonnell9814]

We are effected- in our relationships- by all of the things in society. In my parents day (I'm 58) a woman, mostly, fulfilled the traditional role in the family. Feminism (which I perceive as a rebellion against the natural "order of things") has removed woman from home and placed them into the workplace. That subjugates her to other people's authority. The interaction between the husband and wife is infringed upon because the woman cannot be subordinate to her husband in the things from that portion of her life. "The man is Head of the marriage as Christ is Head of the Church (Not word for word copy of the verse but, the meaning isn't "off")." Instead of believing that she speaks of such things without a desire for your input, it may be that while 2 employed spouses- is the status- your natural mode of interacting is obstructed; and, until that status changes you'll be relagated to a partial role of Christian Marrital interacting. Striving for Independence from such outside interference could be what the couple should aspire towards. That would likely result in vicious attacks against you from the Feminists, though. Either way it would be a threat to the integrity of the marriage. Sometimes, just, the proper perspective on a matter- though it can't be remidied- can "make the difference." If you- Mark- read this, how about sharing this with her and then sharing with us the difference this perspective makes for your's and your wife's struggle with this societal interference.

[@69Applekrate]

this video is just like some pages out of that old book' 'women are from venus, men are from mars'. It explains, like you did, that women do not always want to solve a problem, and they do not want advice how to correct it. They just want to talk about it. Lots of truth here and these are additional reasons why men are better in the leadership role as the Lord told us. Men want to solve a problem, women just want to chat about it.

[@maurovillarreal2037]

They are still girls, no matter how smart, successful, rich, gay, independent, strong they are.

[@jerrylisby5376]

Half of the gay ones don't think they are girls unfortunately. That fact tells on them. Or they wouldn't try to act out being a man. The other girl should go find a real man.