Are Men Okay?

Let's talk about masculinity, TikTok, self-help and 'strength.' Why do KZbinrs like Hamza, writers like Jordan Peterson and rappers like Drake all seem compelled by a type of male self-empowerment that ultimately reinforces self-destructive gender roles? Why do men so often seek to be 'dominant' in the face of insecurity and nihilism?
video has been edited to remove a section where i was inaccurate about socrates' status as a former warrior. thanks to those in the comments for correcting this!
if you liked the video, consider donating to my ko-fi: ko-fi.com/ellio...
follow me on instagram: / elliotsayshello
edited by danae o.!

[@fancy0485]

My father was a prime example of a 'strong' man. After he passed, my mother told us all the ways he had suffered and how he never had a choice but to be a strong man because of the abuse he endured from his family to make him into one. It was devastating for me as the youngest who never got to build a good relationship with him because he had already hardened to the point of no return by then. It's why I'm so passionate about getting help for young men in this world that we live in. Great video 👍

[@Speakup117]

Ayeee that's awesome

[@tink6225]

@Maybe you are bi you're quite the optimist

[@adio8824]

Oh the sin of man not operating as Morden women and feminine men claim to be right. If your father handled his responsibility well and took care of his family I don’t see the issue wit him not fitting your Morden perception of how a man should be. To take from his life a lesson of how men should not be is more of an issue with u than him. Let me ask u, would u prefer a world where your dad had been as emotional as u dem right without any attributes he had in his actual “too masculine” reality u grew up with?

[@fancy0485]

@@adio8824 lol

[@adio8824]

@@fancy0485 👅👅

[@the_julia_fair]

My elementary school gym teacher would always say “we exercise so our bodies will become hard, but we want our insides to stay soft” (among other healthy lessons). Looking back on how much he was able to incorporate emotional intelligence into a simple gym class - and how he was absolutely a role model for a lot of my young male classmates - I think was incredible and I’m so grateful for him

[@MagisterialVoyager]

What a wonderful teacher. Thank you for sharing that story.

[@adio8824]

Emotional intelligence?? That has nothing to do with emotions, it’s more in the realm of wisdom and philosophy. It’s like saying the concept of yin and Yang (which is what your teacher is hinting at) to be emotional intelligence. Also anyone can mouth Radom sage advice, how they live there life will be testament of there “emotional” intelligence

[@seeker995]

@@adio8824 there were probably other lessons attached to emotional intelligence and not that specific example

[@IAmAnItalianPizza]

How to make human: 1. Add ingredients 2. Put in interspace over for ehh ~48 weeks 3. Bake until outside is solid and inside is sofg 4. Add gender dysphoria because why not make me suffer 5. Tada 6. Oh and sprinkle in some 💟Gay💟

[@the_julia_fair]

@@seeker995 Yup there were! I was going to respond to the other person saying this but I saw they’ve been kind of spamming the comments in what looks like bad faith, so I didn’t want to engage haha

[@notjamin]

"If you are a weak, submissive feminine man you will only attract dominating masculine women" ohhhh noooooooo that SUCKS whatever will I doooooo

[@lauren6509]

Lol right somebody gotta be there to balance the scales ⚖️

[@isadora6092]

the funniest part is that the feminine gaze, you know, the traits that big groups of women have shown to admire in the men that they like, is so different from this idela of the traditional strongman, that this sentence becomes untrue! time and time again feminine women have widely praised femininity in men. just look at all the koreaboos lmfao

[@lalakuma9]

Are we just gonna ignore all the men out there who literally pay women to dominate them? They're valid too

[@MagisterialVoyager]

@@isadora6092 This is a mood. An ex sexual partner asked me about what kind of men I visually like and all I could think about was Jaehyun from NCT. Yes, he has abs, but he's still very "skinny" and "pretty". The best man I have ever been intimate with is a man who is really in touch with his emotions and actually really sensitive and strong at the same time. IDK who men trying to appeal to except other men, maybe (LOL).

[@barrysteakfriessimp_real]

me at strong dominating men:

[@girlbossincorporated]

I saw one of these guys mad that a guy and a girl were hugging and they both had sweatshirts with the title "embrace masculinity and femininity".

[@Val-ek2pj]

Maybe remember the source for me? Sounds adorable, wanna see it

[@idontwantahandlethough]

lol that's a great sweatshirt!

[@icravedeath.1200]

I'd love to wear matching clothes like that with my s/o.

[@Simo-d3t]

Embrace femininity, not feminism

[@girlbossincorporated]

@@icravedeath.1200 im sorry but if my s/o does not want to do matching suits with dress backs then are they really my s/o???

[@isadora6092]

my problem with the "strong men --> goot times/weak men --> bad times" chart is that it assumes there is a cycle composed of these two opposing "times", when history has shown there are always bad times and good times happening simultaneously to different groups of people, even within the same society. there was never a time when everyone was prospering. things are always going bad for someone.

[@johnwalker1058]

People who like to peddle around reductionist and overgeneralizing platitudes like this usually have quite an overly simplistic view of how the world works.

[@themoribundapathetic4530]

My entire life is a bad time

[@adio8824]

This isn’t true. What was the good time that was happening while the Jews where gassed up? And I don’t want u naming a random event happening in china.

[@adio8824]

The need for u to see things as a blanket instance when it comes to a quote that is self explanatory is mind numbing. Weak men allow tyranny to have free rain, of course for those tyrant it would be a good time for them. But see your idea of good things happening in the mist of a horrible situation is because even within those bad times strong men still create pocket holes of good times for the people around them. Will the quote only be true when the world is covered by darkness?? U people are soo mind numbing dumb.

[@tess6909]

@@adio8824 I mean the Germans were doing pretty good until they lost the war… also a lot of people profited majorly on the war: first and foremost the US.

[@saggguy7]

i’m a trans man who’s been hanging out in male-dominated spaces more and more as i get further into my transition. One thing i’ve learned by doing that is that a very good amount of men (like over half in my experience), when it’s brought up, will admit to being tired of other men, the expectations of masculinity, the lack of emotional intimacy in male friendships, etc. like our collective relationship to gender is working out for next to no one at this point, but we as individuals have no idea how to address it.

[@shooshooo1725]

Being a man is about having competition they have to me masculine to get the three main things all men want women, money and power

[@guuh5772]

Cringe

[@philspaghet]

As a trans man, you lived life as a woman until relatively recently I assume. You'll probably never understand what we've had to go through at least for a few more years. If you want a taste, try this. Do not post anything about your emotions on social media, don't talk to anyone about your emotions, assume everyone who hears your true emotions will use it against you and make fun of your masculinity and ability to get girls. IDK you relate to the last part but it's a start.

[@somegrill7561]

@@guuh5772 entirely 😂

[@harrybudgeiv349]

Only some men have no emotional intimacy with their friends

[@alma3884052]

I am very thankful for my dad, because he taught me very early on that it's okay to be emotionally vulnerable. I remember being 6 or 7 years old, sitting on the porch and crying about something, don't really remember what, I think I was worried about my pet who got hurt or something. A couple of minutes later dad came out and hugged me. In that situation, my mother would say something like "men shouldn't cry, get a hold of yourself", but dad simply hugged me and told me it's gonna be fine. he didn't judge or even shame me, he actually praised me and said "you have a kind heart, that's a good thing". I'd like to think I still do

[@anima6035]

Aw 🥺 that's cute, I'm over here tearing up 🙈

[@jordanphilipperris]

And a fair number of Women wonder why they can't find a good Man...

[@alunalixx368]

Damn

[@alunalixx368]

We need more people like that

[@4zdr456]

in a similar situation where I had to lift up my dog and put her in her grave and I was devasteted and couldn't do it, my father literally offered his hand to take mine and lift me up, and when I burried her he hugged me. a little different lesson, as "you can be vulnerable, after you did your duty as a man".

[@ravenwolfkittyface1802]

I feel like masculinity is going through a crisis because it’s essentially been defined in Western society as “not being like women” and “able to dominate women” for a long time, which necessitates that emotional self-mutilation that bell hooks described. There were individual men who rejected that but it was still like this overall. But women got sick of it and are opting to be alone rather than be with a man that’s like that (see that Rise of Lonely Single Men article). So now men as a whole are faced with the choice to either double down (see: incels and the manosphere) or to redefine masculinity entirely in a way that’s more respectful to other people and more healthy/realistic for men themselves. I really hope more men can find a way to do the latter.

[@lv1543]

Honestly being a mysoginist has improved my life. Unironically i dont see how you cant be a mysoginist and not get walked all over. I treat women with respect but at the end of the day i cant ever see them as equal

[@terrystevens3998]

@@lv1543 if you don’t see women as equal you are not treating them with respect. Misogyny may get men cred with other men but it will not lead to a good place in the end. It’s not a coincidence that the ven diagram of bitter divorced dads and “alfa males” is a circle.

[@juratory8876]

@@lv1543 Just reading you comments alone, you're seriously in need of attention. Well, here's that attention your ordered 😐

[@lv1543]

@@juratory8876 thanks bb. Ur so cute you cured my racism

[@Pax-Islamica]

@@lv1543 You got to be trolling.

[@Mr.Masenko]

I believe the biggest issue among men today is a lack of individual purpose and the desire to meet the expectations of others. Men are still expected to remain traditional in a non traditional world that has contradicting messages for them. Also men’s issues aren’t really heard; rather, they are ignored and replaced with assumptions of what their issues may be

[@SunIsLost]

Yea, true

[@AnimosityIncarnate]

I'm at the point right now where I'm so burdened with choice paralysis, no money to get help or enjoy life, no ability to reach out as I was conditioned to internalize, with no perceived direction and no real grasp on who I am anymore... I feel so hurt. I tried both, embracing feminine stuff and masculine, and I feel like in both ways it was beaten out of me and now I'm just lost, with one direction being embracing Masculinity to its fullest(which means I'm repressing myself and will lead to immense pain) or literally just checking out of existence itself. Given how long we will have to wait to see any improvements to this, and how little of a drive I have to better myself when the people around me are not willing to hear me out and void my existence. I don't have the drive to go through the talking stages to build other deeper relationships anymore. I'm literally at the breaking point and I just sort of am done with it all. I can't cope or repress and I can't grow and shape my future self.

[@throwawayaccount12345]

this is such an underrated comment

[@throwawayaccount12345]

@@AnimosityIncarnate that's relatable. Damn, you doing alright dawg?

[@schwa4883]

This is unfortunately so true…

[@karik.8291]

I think the one point all these channels are spot on with (because it's a very basic concept) is that experiencing _self-efficacy_ builds confidence and is generally good for your mental health. The thing is, they never call it that, because that would give away the fact that it applies to everyone, not just men, so instead they call it "strength" and tie it to very stereotypical gender expression. Whereas "try something new, practice diligently and see that you can do it" could be anything at all, from bench presses to building a sick diorama to doing makeup to having an emotionally honest conversation. Am not completely through the video yet, but leaving this here for the algorithm because it's great as usual!

[@elliotsangestevez]

i see this point! i think part of it is also that there is a level of gender dysmorphia that doesnt get addressed when using genderless frameworks of self-help. ultimately we generally have these crises partially out of wanting to have more Social success, and so gender being a key social construct means we look to succeed in that construct. i just think we should have a better way of acknowledging the construct and the socialized gender ideas and look to make Better ones, i guess

[@kant.68]

Masculinity is for men what cultures are for nations: a source of identity and brotherhood, and although it can lead to competition and aggression or violence, healthy masculinity is needed for young men. You can’t define their identity using female attributes . If yall belive in freedom and free expression and such , allows men to be masculine and search for strength if that is what they want

[@nihartley5265]

I disagree. While I do think self-efficacy will work for most people, just saying that will not help most people. You need to give them examples and show results. If not, your not helping your just speaking. Hamza is speaking to people who are masculine, not just men. In fact in many of his videos, he states that his advice will work for anyone who is masculine. He gives you tips and tricks to infuse self-efficacy into your life. Tips that masculine people will gravitate towards. Also I feel like people are misinterpreting his definition of strong. Strong doesn't mean emotionless, it means in control. Understanding your emotions (because you are human and will have them) but not letting them control your decision making completely. People who are unable to do that, he and many people view as weak.

[@dimanvoltair993]

@@nihartley5265 exactly he even vouches for meditation

[@naturessacrifice8265]

@@kant.68 And they can. When I was doing that, I wasn't smacked down or told I was bad. Idiots online are loud, but generally aren't large groups of people. Hell, I've seen "Strong men" smack down feminine men for being "weak men". Men can still be strong, but society has stopped praising them as much for it. And I mean the toxic aspects, like having no emotions. These people are holding onto an outdated version of masculinity. But being mad that now you're treated like everyone else is what really make the whole movement a joke, the irony. I went down this rabbit hole, not to the end but deep enough to understand it well. The people in those movements seem to think a guy can't act feminine and be manly, but most of the time they themselves aren't manly. They write laundry lists of what a "Strong man" is, while never even coming close to marking 5 of the boxes off. Healthy masculinity is the will to fight for what you want. If you want to look like Noel, go fight for it. Hit the gym. Your fight is no less than mine. My fight is different, but that isn't bad. I want to wear a skirt and meet a nice guy I can cuddle up with and watch a movie with. And goddamn it I will fight for it.

[@Danae_O]

It's worth mentioning that while various figures in fiction are idolized or are the type to be idolized as icons of traditional, physically strong masculinity, several of them in reality are or have become very nuanced representations of masculinity, some of which examine and even critique the limits and (ironically) weaknesses of the "strong, emotionally invulnerable" guy model. This includes characters like Kratos in the more recent God of War games, Arthur Morgan in Red Dead Redemption 2, and yes, Batman in various media. Of course, I do need to mention the recent passing of Kevin Conroy, the voice behind Batman in the Animated Series and a variety of media including the Arkham games (one of which I took a clip from for this video). He also wrote "Finding Batman", a comic about his struggles in the film industry as a gay man. If you're in the US, DC has made the entire DC Pride 2022 anthology (which includes "Finding Batman") available for free online as a tribute.

[@anitanielsen1061]

Omg he was gay? 🥺🥺🥺🏳️‍🌈

[@VibingMeike]

I'd say Aragorn from LoTR as well. You know, add Sam and Frodo to the list as well

[@Danae_O]

@@VibingMeike oh, absolutely

[@icravedeath.1200]

@@VibingMeike does gandalf count?

[@VibingMeike]

@@icravedeath.1200 Totally!

[@JulianSteve]

Men for sure are not alright and thankfully discussions like these are online. We need more of these discussions, especially from us men. I am not liking what I have been noticing online and real life with men. We’re going backwards with some of these men’s mentality and it’s a no no🤷🏾‍♂️. P.S. - Do not get me started on the men in my family. It’s a work in progress… Surface level😭

[@MagisterialVoyager]

You are doing your part and I applaud you for that. You go, Julian! 👏

[@vklnew9824]

Dysgenic freak

[@AbuBased731]

C0ping Bla©k-Cel lol

[@kenos911]

@@AbuBased731 bro sounds like he plays paradox games

[@theshermantanker7043]

Interestingly enough we shared the same real name

[@mimiandy1683]

Watching this video made me understand a particular fear that I have for my 11-year-old nephew, on a better scale. My fear revolves around his personality, emotional intelligence and character being changed due to peer pressure and being told that he isn’t manly enough. Currently, he is an absolute delightful person: he’s open-minded, naturally cheerful, absolutely kind towards others and welcoming towards people. I’ve received comments about how wonderful he is towards others. I am fearful that his natural demeanor will make him a target for others. I am also worried that he won’t stay true to himself because of it.

[@Alexander-nc4vy]

Your nephew sounds a lot like me. However, I was never particularly targeted for my personality, so maybe he’ll be okay.

[@anthonyf616]

The world has it's ways of corrupting the purest of hearts

[@JStorm90TV]

Your nephew should be fine, with great guidance he will stay who he is. I was always taken advantage of for my kind hearted personality (mostly by women) and I choose till this day not to change on that basis is will power and mindset, just keep him on track

[@SunIsLost]

Well, if you support him enough, I'm sure he will (under the right circumstances) be himself and don't change into close-minded person

[@VoldraLightningfrost]

Tell him his peers have no idea what masculinity is, and neither do most adults. Tell him that he needs to discover what it means to be a man by trial and error, and in that sense masculinity means to TRY, means to push your own limits in terms of what you can achieve. Nikola Tesla was not a very sexual person. Vincent Van Gogh may be considered by some an Incel. Sexual prowess is not the definitive proof of masculinity. Galileo was THE MAN for fighting for the truth, and dying for it. Simo Hayha, a short heighted Finnish sniper who was left with a disfigured face after the war, is never remember for his sexual prowess, only for his bravery against impossible odds.

[@ronron6092]

Also a very heteronormative thought, that relationships need one "strong" and one "weak/emotional" individual. Of course there's nothing wrong with balancing each other out but 1. It doesn't have to be that extreme and 2. It doesn't have to be that way at all. Intimate relationships can be formed with two or more people equally willing to open up to each other and support each other. No need for these strict categories. 🌼

[@kant.68]

You fail to address that individuals aren’t the same . And we tend to pair ourselves with others based in perceptible traits . No, not all relations can , will nor should be equal in all aspects. You are wrong. And yes, is “heteronormative” because this specific personality traits and attributes are in line with what was/is expected in men, and because they also aline with inherent behavioral traits that men have due to their hormonal levels . Our cultres and our existence is “gender normative” whether you like it or not. You still need a man and a woman to have a child and raise a child in 2022, and hormones and male/female brains are still different im sorry.

[@PAL5041]

@@kant.68 so my question is why do children of same sex marriage turn out to be indentical to children of hetero couples? If there were a difference wouldn't we have scientific studies on it that point out this difference?

[@EmeraldaKasim]

Women (in general) love to be dominated by a masculine figure. At least sexually. It is embedded in their evolutionary biology and sexuality. This is where things like BDSM, and sex culture norms like the ideas of domination and submission come from.

[@ronron6092]

@@EmeraldaKasim No, that is just not true. You cannot throw all women in to a pot like that. People have their preferences but it's not the same for every man or woman. Generalizations like these are hurtful. Also please remember that not everything is about sexual attraction and there are many people who don't experience it.

[@EmeraldaKasim]

@@ronron6092 Did you not read where I said “general”? Of course its not everyone, there all different types of people out there. But, that does NOT mean a majority doesn’t exist. There are statistics and studies for these sorts of things, evolutionary biology you can research; i.e. how human sexuality has evolved, sexual dynamics between our ancestors, the prevalence of domination / submission dynamics. Also, I personally think there is a correlation between the idea that modern men are becoming more and more feminized, and the fact that male virginity rates are way higher now than they’ve ever been in the past. Also, modern women have more freedom and career opportunities than any other era of human history. They have their own careers, businesses, are out earning men in certain fields, but they STILL (generally) refuse to date down socio-economically, have a skewed perception of the average height because they go for 6ft+, etc. This is also why things like the 80/20 rule exist (80% of women chase the top 20% of men.) Basically, women are still hypergamous, and still refuse to date someone “lesser” than them, despite having a lot of power of society nowadays. There are studies for this as well. Look up “women hypergamy” or something. Tldr: women *generally* crave masculinity in some way. And women have a HUGE impact on how men perceive themselves, their masculinity, and the idea of masculinity as a whole. “Generalizations = bad” is not a solid argument. Are there exceptions to this rule, of course, but again, exceptions does NOT mean that there isn’t a majority. Would I prefer if it were different? Maybe. But it is a very hard to swallow pill about human nature. Just like a lot of other things are. we are only animals, after all. However, things like monogamy (which is basically rejecting our natural polygynous instincts, replacing it with “love” and marriage) lead to great progress in civilization. I think there is great value in rejecting our animalistic urges through reasoning and rationalization; the thing that separates humans from all other animals.

[@dreambrush7251]

Funny thing about Hamza is that my algorithm presented me with his content like a year ago. First one was about him opening about family trauma and abuse and how he was encouraged to "keep it silent" by his family because it was worse to have shame and people outside judge them rather than open up about problems, which I myself connected with because I come from a similar culture. Of course afterwards I thought that he was a mental health channel and followed a bit more of his stuff cause I thought his stuff was good, until he mentioned that sleeping with multiple women is somehow a victory for a true manly man then my red flag radar gone off and stopped watching him altogether (don't get me wrong, I have nothing against people who have/had multiple sexual partners, it's mostly the idea that you're only masculine if you sleep with this many women and generally leads to misogynistic attitude and see women as just sexual objects). Also he himself cannot take criticism and his fans tend to attack anyone who raises the same issues as you did in this video, which I guess it's not surprising for a self help ultra masculine guru like him.

[@elliotsangestevez]

well i hope theyd be understanding of my video here bc i do think he has a lot of worthwhile insights, i just think as you do that there are some key ideological issues that should be addressed to help remedy some of the bigger problems men face

[@dreambrush7251]

​@@elliotsangestevez definitely will be at least some fans that understand and it needs to be said regardless :)

[@s0ne01]

Im pretty sure he doesnt preach that anymore(sleeping around) something about it not being fulfilling.

[@noahcoleman6385]

Hamza actually openly seeks out criticism because he understands the value of humility. I think you might just be getting it misconstrued with his really polarizing view of things

[@trunestor]

That's simply not true of what you're saying, he criticized casual sex and he said that it destroys your mental health. He always told stories about it, he used to party and live a degenerate life. And when he noticed his health deteriorated he wanted a change. Just a few days ago he made a post called "How can I be a bad leader". He wants to know what people think about him and he wants to fix his mistakes. His best mental health videos were at the start (2020-2021), those gave the most valuable info. Right now he complies them and repeats them in new formats.

[@HilariousHooper44]

Strength of character, strength of mind. I mean there's all this focus on being strong and not weak, but not a bunch of focus on having integrity, being kind, being vulnerable, which I perceive as actual strengths. If a man has integrity, can be vulnerable, and is genuinely kind to me, I see him as being "strong", regardless of how physically strong he is. If he's a good father, if he treats all people with respect, if he has good character. Like in my mind physical strength means nothing if the guy is a total jerk and treats people poorly, and has no moral compass. You know?

[@novelty_thief]

Yes, there is a difference between trying to look strong and actually being strong. Toxic masculinity tries to hide weaknesses whereas actual strenght requires to acknowledge your weaknesses and grow in spite of them, embracing them as an acceptable part of you. Weakness can turn into strenght but Manospherers will just Glossen over that because it's easier to look like a Macho. Andrew Tate is the perfect example. Trying so hard on camera to look like "Top G" but when you see footage of him in the open he carries himself very tipsey toed and defensive.

[@nihartley5265]

That's why people like hamza, he advocates for both.

[@hyperboliccancers3269]

Slave morality. Epitome of mediocrity.

[@TheFoolishWiseKing]

@@novelty_thief I can understand the other things on your comment, but my man Andrew Tate doesn't have to try to be Top G, because he already is. So I disagree with that he looks tipsy and defensive

[@TheMegaGamingWizard]

But people are right when they treat the man poorly, and force him to use his physical strength for shit he doesn't even wanna do? And if he doesn't? He still a jerk? A failure?

[@OLIVERGAMINGFUNNY]

“if you are a feminine man you will only attract masculine women” oh woe is me.. i SURE do hope some tall muscular tomboy girl dosent become attracted to me…

[@djomegaminus]

some people like to be the big spoon, some people like to be the little spoon.

[@anuragpradhan7500]

But will she respect, someone like you? You, by your own admission, aren't what most women look in men. Do you really think that she won't be thinking like other women? The amount of relationships I have seen where one partner is staying clearly because they enjoy being the competent one in the relationship, is staggering. 10 bucks says you will end up in a similar, humiliating situation.

[@Spiggle88]

Real

[@OLIVERGAMINGFUNNY]

@@anuragpradhan7500 ok

[@SLIGHTLY-ANONYMOUS-2]

​​​​@@anuragpradhan7500 Do you believe that being feminine counts as also being incompetent or useless? Do you think that all the women around you, and presumably your own mother, are glass dolls that can't even take a fat shit without a strong masculine man's aid? If so please reconsider your whole statement and stop living in ignorance, immediately!

[@ACAB.forcutie]

Talking about your feelings is a strength.

[@someguy4003]

Tbh i think men expressing their feelings as art, music or journaling is 100% more beneficial and productive than just talking about it. I feel like using your pent up emotions as fuel to achieve your goal is better than just letting it all out and you not having " the fuel". I understand your opinion but I feel this is a much better way of dealing with things ( its kind of just a stoic mentality)

[@ACAB.forcutie]

@@someguy4003 I mean.. those are coping mechanisms, but they can't substitute actually talking about and working through your feelings. You're still bottling it up and it'll come out one way or another

[@warcrimeconnoisseur5238]

@@ACAB.forcutie That's the price we have to pay, I've heared it soooo many times "open up, you should be more vunerable." but then if you do it it's as if you commited a war crime

[@ACAB.forcutie]

@@warcrimeconnoisseur5238 I mean.. what are the things you're telling people 😳 Cuz what that sounds like to me is you're in pain, and instead of talking about the pain, you talk about what the pain makes you wanna do, like hurt people. Yeah, people who aren't therapists (and even some therapists) are going to think you like hurting people, not that you're in pain. Try to figure out how to talk about the pain itself. Good luck.

[@ACAB.forcutie]

@@warcrimeconnoisseur5238 we don't teach men how to talk about their feelings, we only let them be angry. So they channel their pain into anger. And when they let the anger control them, bad things happen. That's why therapy is so important, especially for men.

[@Wheres_Bunny]

Funny enough I accidentally encountered one of those videos while pulling an all-nighter. Couldn’t even tell if it was ironic or not 😭

[@MagisterialVoyager]

This is a mood. 😅

[@dopex89]

I do empathise a lot with men. I was raised in an environment that forced me to grow up as an emotionally repressed female. Obviously it's not entirely the same but I think I get it somewhat. Even when I was reading Pride & Prejudice as a teen, I was identifying with Mr. Darcy 😂 To this day I feel nauseated when I push myself to be vulnerable with my friends. I used to drink a lot to make myself be open with them... I really appreciate your message, it's okay not to be strong, to be a mess. It's hard to believe in this when you weren't raised that way.

[@HilariousHooper44]

Yeah I was never really allowed to express my feelings growing up as a girl and it has really damaged me. It's really hard to open up to my friends and people that I care about too. My sister has been trying to help me realize just how screwed up we both are from how we were raised. I'm still in that journey. I'm definitely in need of therapy. I can't imagine how it is for men to have this always. I get concerned when I can see my male friends going through something and when I ask if they're okay, they always reply with "I'm fine." Dude you clearly aren't. I try to tell them they can talk to me any time, but they mostly don't. I wish they would open up.

[@dopex89]

@@HilariousHooper44 yes, exactly, I feel like as much as I struggle with expressing my feelings, men have it harder in that respect.

[@HilariousHooper44]

@@jeremysmith6336 I am so sorry that this happened to you. I hope you find better friends in the future. I do honestly want my friends to open up. I worry about a lot of the men in my life. My dad never used to talk about his feelings and never openly cried in front of me growing up. He had a triple bypass when I was in high school and almost died of a heart attack last year. He's always relied on either alcohol or marijuana to cope with the amount of stress and anger he has, but has never gone to therapy. Like, I almost lost him last year. Men need to open up. It's so bad for your overall wellbeing keeping things bottled up inside so much. If you can't trust your friends, I would recommend seeing a therapist.

[@crimsonbladewielder1975]

@@dopex89 ur darn right especially in the modern context

[@dopex89]

@@jeremysmith6336 please don't forget you were brave to open up, regardless of the reactions you got. Their reactions reflect on them, not you. It takes strength to be honest and I'm glad that you were able to find some people you could confide in.

[@tailsfoxboy]

"Uplifting yourself shouldn't come with putting other people down. Uplifting yourself should come with uplifting others, whether or not they're like you, or they're different from you." - Elliot Sang.

[@kwasib-r2434]

I remember when I was younger I was insecure (and still kinda am) about not being independent and always needing help with lots of things. I was also very sensitive and thought maybe I need to become more manly because I equated manliness with independence and emotional toughness, two things I wanted I felt like I lacked. So for a short time I wanted to be more manly and avoided "girly" things. I remember seeing Steven Universe on tv and actively avoiding cuz I thought it was "girly" with all it's bright colours and singing. Then one point in my life I asked myself "do I want to be manly or do I want to be me?" So I decided to be myself and do what I wanted to do. I started watching Steven Universe and it became one of my favourite shows. It was also ironic of me to think that manliness equalled independence as my father who was aggressively manly was incapable of doing most things. He couldn't cook, couldn't clean, couldn't look after himself. It was my mother's job to do everything for him.

[@s0ne01]

Bro. Don't let anyone tell you what you can or can't watch. Steven universe slaps(at the start). My friend is the complete opposite of what most people would expect a person who watches steven universe to look like(basically a roadman if you live in the uk) and we would always talk about it and anime. Good times.

[@alegamer-uw2zp]

steven universe is shit tho

[@s0ne01]

@@alegamer-uw2zp furst few seasons aren't. But i guess preference/taste can play part. Different strokes for different folks.

[@alegamer-uw2zp]

@@s0ne01 I stroke so hard

[@SunIsLost]

Just tell me, how in the world is Steven Universe a "girl show". But I'm glad that you freed and understood yourself more. Man have to be tough, yea, but that doesn't mean they can't be vulnerable. I love My Little Pony, and I'm a man.

[@idontwantahandlethough]

@5:40 "if you are a weak submissive man, you will only attract domineering women" Yeah, that dude has literally no idea what he's talking about. Nobody has ever called me "submissive" (although this guy probably would lol), but I'm a fairly feminine man. I'm pretty quiet, I like traditionally "feminine" things. And guess what? Not a single one of the women I've dated have ever been even slightly "dominating".. closer to the opposite, actually. And plus, in which way does he even mean that? Because from my experience, people tend to be both submissive _and_ dominant.. it's just that one of them is hidden in the bedroom. There's a reason CEO's and the like (people who are bossing others around all day) go hire a dominatrix after work: _it puts them in the opposite role as the rest of their life._ That's a big part of the problem in distilling things down to masculine/feminine, or alpha/beta, or any of that.. people are complex, multi-faceted creatures and you cannot describe them accurately in a single word, no matter what the word is.

[@kaw8473]

As a woman, I remember having my mother metaphorically slap a screw driver out of my hand while telling me not to mess with the dishwasher because repairing it was what men were for. I feel so bad for men raised with fathers like that. If you are reading this and you suffered similar things, I'm sorry that kind of treatment prevented you from a well rounded life.

[@aquiriuscdjm]

I'm a 50 yr old man, who has had strong ACTING men around me all my life. I deeply appreciate your content. This is stuff that needs to be said about the manosphere culture on KZbin. This toxic culture just serves to feed the patriarchical oppression we all live under.

[@karasanghera3693]

Coming from a conservative Asian culture, parents place a lot of their hopes on their son, to act a certain way and achieve a certain standard of living. I can only imagine the amount of pressure that puts on young men because their feelings aren’t listened to. Bottled up, this leads to a lot of the traits you described here as well as harmful acts against everyone else from society. I really liked this video, keep up the great work!

[@bell1337]

In my worldview, I think we all ought to try and become "rounded squares". Just came up with that term a bit before I watched this video. Four walls for protection, but with four bumpers instead of sharp corners for stabbing things. Society, generally speaking, poses masculinity & feminity against each other, facing away from each other like the two sides of a coin. However, much like how the two sides of a coin don't indicate two different monetary values, the two most basic, intuitively identifiable, categories of humanity: masculine & feminine; shouldn't be indicative of two ways to be. They're parts of the human experience that we've deemed to men and women while we can hold both aspects together

[@DreamersOfReality]

We need to recreate the concept of the Third Gender. Man and woman SEEM intuitive... but they're not. Many, many cultures (pre-European conquest of the planet) had three, four, or even five genders! A few don't even have genders as Europe would recognize. Man and woman are only intuitive to us because that's what the culture we were raised in. However, if all we have are men and women and have no open mind to truly explore the limits of human expression... then many people will live dissatisfied, unfulfilling lives and society will suffer for it.

[@worthlesshuman5041]

I actually found your point about socrates pretty funny. While there is much debate about whether Socrates was a wrestler himself, it is known that not only did he admire the act of wrestling in two young men, lauding their strength, but even compared it to their mental strength in a court of law, implying great respect for both kinds of skill. Socrates would have told you that the development of your body and your mind are not mutually exclusive: quite the opposite in fact. He taught his students that the development of the mind and the body were both essentially two sides of the same coin. This could be seen through his most famous disciple, Plato. Plato was literally his wrestling name, like "The Rock" or "The Undertaker" today! Indeed, most greek philosophers from Socrates's school would have told you that developing physical strength was a key step in developing your soul

[@elliotsangestevez]

thats fair, youve just destroyed me with facts and logic! either way, i also laud strength physically and mentally in my video-i say it benefits anyone to become stronger. but id say the key is not to center strength as the main ideal, and to remain inquisitive and emotionally open.

[@worthlesshuman5041]

@@elliotsangestevez I agree with you completely actually. I think that there's a big difference between being callous and being strong that a lot of people, not just men, forget due to not only cultural norms but also because it's a common way to deal with trauma in a way that projects what can be mistaken for strength outward.

[@lalakuma9]

Kinda off topic, but perhaps Socrates didn't do wrestling himself and simply enjoyed watching the sport because of how homoerotic it is. You know, since he probably swung that way.

[@worthlesshuman5041]

@@lalakuma9 He was a man of athens, so it was probably both

[@kant.68]

@@elliotsangestevez To be honest with yourself and and to not be scared of your own thoughts and feelings. Or your own mistakes. . Bet this should only be a resort for you to improve . Dont be a crybaby .

[@Kbwtor19]

I knew I was never really a man by the way they treated me. Their whole "thing" is exhausting, toxic, and wasteful. I am a hundred times happier after dropping any pretense of having to "be a man".

[@yesyesyesyesyes686]

An ex-friend of mine had the major issue of always needing to be seen as hyper masculine - specifically he always felt like he solely needed to provide and be the ‘strong man’ people should rely on. This just led to him being controlling of what I did and who I had in my life, going as far as to try and make me push away my good friends as I should ‘rely on him and be his and his alone’. While he pushed many boundaries in our friendship, I finally cut him off when he decided to push physical boundaries and attempted to blackmail me into not telling my friends/ family about it.

[@maopark]

I'm glad that you cut him off! I'm sure it's kinda hard too since you're friends with them but prioritizing your own mental health and mind is even better! I hope you'll find a great friend that will treat you right and not bossy!💜✨

[@naturessacrifice8265]

Fuck man that was me to a lesser degree. Never controlling, but passing up things I would like to be more "masculine". It sucked, and I just got out of that ditch. Hope he gets out too

[@kuromistan645]

@@naturessacrifice8265 good job on improving

[@naturessacrifice8265]

@@kuromistan645 Thanks, it really was an annoying climb out. As soon as I stepped back and took a logical and objective look at all the things I wanted to do, wear, etc. I realized, yeah, I'm probably a tomgirl or femboy. Also, that I was gay, which explains a shit ton of stuff. Ultimately, it hurts to look at this manosphere shit, in the same way a recovered alcoholic looks at an alcoholic. You were in that shitty place, you know it's a horrible place to be, and that no one should be there. But there are people who go there in hopes of it helping them, when the only end is that you end up in a very bad place. Also add on that said alcoholics are insulting you all the while, and it sucks.

[@diosamurcielaga9418]

@@naturessacrifice8265 I hug you, a strong woman hug for you, you did not ask me to, so it is quick. But a strong tough but warm hug is all I can reply.

[@hauntedmushroomsasmr7716]

This might get me some flak, but i think one of the issues of Third Wave Feminism was this concept that men and women aren't just equal, we were practically the same. We aren't the same, and that's okay! Being socialized as a male is very different from being socialized as a female. The abolition of male-oriented spaces (in an attempt to break up toxic masculinity and a lack of understanding of women) led to men feeling misunderstood and neglected. HOWEVER this led to an explosion of men flocking to these toxic online communities like Mgtow or the mannosphere or the red pill that not only reaffirmed their mindsets but encouraged them. "Society is changing for the worse and women are destroying men and this needs to be corrected because it always worked before!" Literally no it didn't. Women were completely dependent on men for everything and unable to live without them. Women gaining rights has led to relationships being formed from compatibility and love rather than dependence and provision. This, combined with the superficiality of online Dating, has led to almost a mass hysteria and crisis of meaning for lonely, bitter men. Instead of relishing the fact that supporting a whole family is no longer only on male's shoulders, it makes them feel worthless. Instead of raising children being only a woman's job and now it being a joint effort so men can participate in their children's lives, it makes them feel emasculated. Women now are having different standards of what they want in partners, but men conflate that with being the same standards as always but just tightened and more strict (instead of men being kind, respectful, and supportive it's MORE wealth, it's MORE strength, it's MORE HANDSOME). It's like these men cannot fathom a woman falling in love with him just as he is, it must be a competition, a feeding frenzy to snatch up a partner. I think many men, due to the societal neglect of their emotional state, feel unlovable at their core and feel like they have to "bribe" a partner in a way. How much focus is there on men for valentines day or anniversaries? Virtually none. How many relationships focus on appeasing men sexually as opposed to emotionally? What so many men fail to realize is that patriarchy suppresses men just as much as women. Men (and everyone) need to understand they are not ENTITLED to a relationship or sex, they are not being robbed of this. The sooner they realize this, the happier they will be and the more they can focus on hobbies, friendships, enjoyable career choices, and emotional well-being. This will actually help them in romantic life. Life isn't a terrible competition, or it doesn't have to be. There is not "correct" way to to be a man or a woman or anyone else, no correct way to have a relationship as long as everyone is happy and loved. You don't have to suppress or control a woman to keep you with her as long as you love her and treat her well. Being in a relationship is taking the risk of being hurt or crushed, but that's the danger of being loved and loving in return. You can't crush that potential out of a relationship: it turns you into an abuser. TL/DR: Men need to go men's therapy and we need to enforce boundaries of unacceptable behavior from men but also encouraging kindness and support to men so they don't have to run to these radical corners in order to feel seen. Let's all start with being friends and to see each other as more than sexual objects or potential chessboard pieces. Excellent point about prioritizing strength creates a fragility to situations that you no power over.

[@tromboner6061]

100% on point

[@ImLure]

You make some great points but a lot of people get the wrong idea about what the “manosphere” and “red pill” community is truly about because most of the people who aren’t in those spaces only know them because of people like Andrew Tate as if recent. These spaces have been around for way longer than that and are definitely needed. People like Andrew Tate and Fresh and Fit don’t represent everything about these spaces. The major thing alot of men under the age of 35 are upset with is how the natural order of things are in conjunction with modern times and I’ll break it down really quick. Women are hypergamous by nature but weren’t able to manifest it entirely because of the dependence on men for protection. There’s a reason why women make up nearly 55% of the world population. Now that life (in the western world) is easier (no need to hunt-and-gather) women are able to be super selective. All online dating websites have proven what taste women have and you can research that data pretty easily. They are going for men who are considered top looking, top earners, etc… that is not actually bad for them but it’s so skewed nowadays that many men feel and have actually been in situations where women have rejected them for looks or money, which is fine, but when men do it, they are gaslighted with feminism talking points only like “who hurt you? Go get some help” (THIS IS NOT ALL WOMEN) Another thing that isn’t really talked about is how people who don’t see eye to eye with these spaces call them “radical”. Not everything is “radical” the spaces allow for men who have gone through experiences such as terrible women abusing their women hood for profit (eg looksmaxing, divorce court, etc) to voice there concerns and opinions just like anyone else. I’m pretty neutral to most forms of media but one thing that does bother me is the portrayal of spaces for men and how people who aren’t in those spaces see three faces (Fresh and Fit, Andrew Tate, Sneako) and immediately call all the men who participate in the spaces “radical” or “hurt men” which is mostly a MODERN feminist talking point. Modern feminism is what created the sneakos and fresh n fit of the world. Andrew Tate is completely different from those two but there are other great men in the space that have good talking points as well as other points that not everyone agrees with. EDIT: Most of the manosphere is preaching for modern men in the dating scene to stop focusing so much on women and to better themselves financially, education wise and health wise. Rarely do you see people say “F**K women they should be controlled, etc etc” it’s mainly about shifting the image of men from modern day simps to being providers

[@heehee9964]

I don’t usually comment but I just wanted to say that holy, everything you just said is right on point. Throughout reading this comment the volume of me yelling “yes” progressively got higher the more I read.

[@fellipedasilva99]

*The most intelligent person that has all the answers doesn’t exi-* Ok seriously tho, that was fantastic and perfectly describes a lot what my many thoughts on this are. That being said, the modern dating climate focusing heavily on superficialities that you mentioned is a serious concern. And it’s worth pointing out a bit more. You see many women and men that place high unrealistic expectations for their dating. You see this more with women, but many men are now starting to respond equally with the same treatment. It’s all a dumpster fire. And honestly people picking bad partners that ruin their perception of dating/sometimes the opposite gender and traumatize people away from dating and sometimes to the extreme, throwing shots at the opposite gender is something both are struggling with. The removal of man oriented spaces was a problem as well. It just causes toxic ones to sprout up especially in today’s day and age of the internet. It’s bizarre because there’s no shortage of female oriented spaces, both toxic and non toxic. So why such the attack on male ones? Call out toxic spaces, regardless of gender point blank.

[@fellipedasilva99]

@@ImLure ​ “Natural order of things” and “simp men” are red pill manosphere talking points. While the talking point about “radical” “hurt men” that are involved in those spaces do sometimes apply. The manosphere started out as basic self improvement for men but quickly devolved/degenerate into the male counterpart of extreme feminism. We see this especially with the supposed “red pill” ideology. With a touch of the male astrology, seemingly Greek alphabet enthusiasts known as the Apha male cult circles. (Wether or not you blame that on extreme feminism is besides the point I think.) A gender ideology (that among other things) views life, society, women and themselves only from a ideological male perspective. And an extreme one at that sometimes, lacking any critical thinking and nuanced perspective. Sprinkled here and there with the same blame game mindset we see with the women side of gender spaces. Viewing men as providers as the only/major source of value a man can bring and the only thing that would bring meaning to his personhood is exactly what I’m talking about with a ideological message that bears no semblance to the value of personhood. It’s just a layer of superficiality. There’s actual more valuable philosophy about creating value as a human being and creating relations with other people outside of material. Also to note, especially in today’s practical day and age where automated systems are becoming the major source of productivity besides human productivity. Any human productivity doesn’t always require extreme man power (actual biological advantage of men) Also the job market with women involved which came with economic growth. As well social, societal benefits for everyone (if we actually recognize them. Certainly on a individual level many individuals do.) Hence the survival of women by themselves and how both genders can provide financially. hypergamous (Another red pill manosphere talking point) or rather really the selective choosing of partners is something that all people should keep in mind anyway. The current dating climate that revolves around extreme shallow expectations and superficialities is really just that. You don’t really need to slap a term on it and call it a “woman’s nature” as if narrating a nature documentary about highly instinctual animals. Deeply wired by purely biological reptilian programming. Yeah, doesn’t fit the bill entirely with humans. In short, these (inevitably toxic) gender ideological spaces are by far the pinicale of the bitterness, stupidity and deep (to the level of the genders for f*cks sake) division created by mankind. Truly a bruh moment. Lol.

[@Profoundkarma2000]

I’m not gonna lie, the Tuesday before thanksgiving I was tired and I was sobbing in my room. I was bawling my eyes out, my people could hear me. It was a mix of not knowing if my romantic interest liked me (which I know retrospectively looking at it, sounds very middle schoolery of me), my past, my back hurting. I felt like I was dying and I wanted to tell the people I appreciate that I appreciate them. I don’t cry often. Thanks for letting me tell y’all my story because I don’t think my parents would understand.

[@Profoundkarma2000]

I know it’s off topic but it’s something weighing on me.

[@philspaghet]

Thank you for sharing with us my dude :) Life gets to you sometimes a little too hard. I've cried my eyes out all alone before, it sucks. But also remember whatever things you've accomplished and where you are. If that doesn't help think of the kind of person you want to be in the future and start taking little steps from there, like a videogame character with a checklist to accomplish goals for each level. But remember, real life isn't so straightforward, you may not get to that goal but don't live with regret as much as you can. Well, I know with the crush stuff, I managed to get over my crushes by forcing myself to talk to them more frequently like a normal person and putting my IDEA of my crush and the REALITY of my crush. Either you lose your feelings for your crush or now you have a bit more for a personal connection to make our chances go up. Take your time and remember, women want to feel safe, so build up that trust and don't be afraid to say no to her.

[@Profoundkarma2000]

@@philspaghet my man, I love you. You da homie

[@Profoundkarma2000]

@Alexis Roy it was a mix of a lot not just a crush. I could care less cause the saying is “I don’t chase; I replace”

[@lederpu]

@Alexis Roy considering the topic of this video I'm hoping that was sarcasm

[@PositiveCynic]

Over the last few months I've really been considering if the men in our society are alright with genuine concern. For example, I go to the gym almost every day of the week so I'm always observing the gym bros. This week in particular, I noticed how much body checking men engage in at the gym. At first I thought it was annoying. I was like "why does he keep pulling up his shirt to check his abs?" But then the 3rd time he checked I realized that he was analyzing his body and hyper focused on his build and evaluating himself. I'm only at the gym for about 90 minutes a day but wow, I'd say I saw at least 30% of guys there just constantly body checking between sets which made me sad for them. In contrast I saw maybe two women check themselves in the mirror for reasons other than checking their lifting form. Yes, 100% society is very focused and critical of the female form. However, there is constant conversation about the negative effects that beauty standards have on women. Because of this, women can openly share their frustrations and figure out how to navigate the concept of beauty. I feel like men don't have that freedom as much and so it leads to internal struggles as they fight to be more "manly".

[@organicleaf]

as a dude who is fat.. yes.. i feel like i cant stay like this and not because its unhealthy, but because of how a women might see me, which stresses me out and makes me ironicly eat more + mental health stuff where i dont even have the motivation to even do anything :/ i mean.. why should a women go for a fat boy when there is someone who is thinner or has muscles. also doesnt help that men, who are in a good position and never had to deal with shit like that, always look down on you and say its only your fault (which it also is) and no one elses, while i dont even feel alive and therefore dont even care anymore i dont even know anymore what im talking about, im just throwing out words in the hope to receive some sort of "enlightenment" on how to actually live life

[@9a_23_tyrantqiu7]

@@organicleaf i think its best to not think about dating for now, and only think about your health. You must improve mentally and physically too. Once you've reached a healthy body and mind, you then can start to think about dating. Dating requires a lot of mental ability. The ability to care for others, to not see them as lower but as an equal. To tell them how you feel, to not be afraid to be vulnerable. This is hard to achieve, few have ever reached this level of maturity (including me but im working on it). Not to mention the cycle of heartbreak that will inevitably come. Physicality is important too. Not to attract, but more to be healthy. Dont focus on your looks, focus on your health. Thats what is important. The attraction is just a bonus. Remember, if you want to date a 10, you must first be a 10. Because if you're a 10, why date a 5 When there is another 10?

[@organicleaf]

@@9a_23_tyrantqiu7 but how tho? Depending on the Person you are, you might understand it when i say that i feel grey. Also i used to try to train and at First it helped me mentaly, but after a while i started getting sad after my Push ups and later on even angry

[@9a_23_tyrantqiu7]

@@organicleaf no dont do push ups, just run, or bike. Something light for your body that will still burn carbs. Run around the neighborhood. Or bike to school/work (if work/school isnt too far away) And also cut back on snacks. results are never instant. It takes time. You'll see if you do this for a few months. As for mental maturity, that is just from experience. Experience being with others. Experience sadness and happiness, hardship and levity, with others. Socialise with schoolmates or your siblings. When the conversation goes awkward that's fine. You'll get better once you've talked to enough people. This isnt really the BEST way, but its a really damn easy to do and easy to integrate to your daily life. You can snack, you dont have to talk when you dont feel like it. But you still have to try. Dont give up, keep on going.

[@organicleaf]

@@9a_23_tyrantqiu7 ty mate, i mean it

[@manformerlyknownastheboulder]

Wise words. Super wise. The bit where you quoted The Will to Change almost made me tear up because it reminded me of what I've been doing to myself for so long. It's like I've been performing psychological surgery on myself to remove the bits I thought unacceptable, but just mutilating myself in the process. I have felt this for so long, seeing it put into words really- I just can't put into words. I have failed in all my relationships because I've been too neurotic to really feel and express the love I had in me. I've always been so afraid of messing up a good thing, never realizing that I was preventing those relationships from growing naturally. Only now that it's all gone can I understand. Love has become pain.

[@aterix_1193]

im a women Im happy you touched on this topic i think its important to talk about this and growing up i heard my dad yell at my brother telling him to "stop crying and be a man" and that behavior is so harmful so it makes young guys more vunerable to bringing others down when they get older or they have a hard time showing emotions

[@TheMegaGamingWizard]

Mothers do that too. My bitch mom did. I cant even talk to women because i already know all the possible things a woman can say. Its over. Done.

[@aterix_1193]

@@TheMegaGamingWizard I'm not trying to dismiss your feelings but you know not all women are gonna be like you'll find someone eventually who will listen and respect your boundaries and emotions like for example I'm always up to talk about anything and there is more women like that out there the less you try to talk about it the worse you'll feel no one is forcing you too only when you yourself feel ready also I never said women can't be the same way but doesn't mean there isn't men or women who are open to listening to others while also being empathetic hang in there man

[@TheMegaGamingWizard]

@@aterix_1193 At this point im just making demands for how my life should be. Nothing has ever gone right in my life, or in anyone elses for that matter. I cant feel anymore.

[@aterix_1193]

@@TheMegaGamingWizard im sorry man thats literally deppression man i hope it gets better for you

[@aterix_1193]

@@poopmanfart its literally a human emotion do you think crying is dumb were literally made with emotions if you dont wanna cry ove rsmall things go ahead but don't bring down other people just cause you have issues and your emotionally numb your the exact person I was talking about men can cry and thats ok even at the little things its not gonna kill anyone if they do it its a response to a HUMAN EMOTION

[@chaoschaos4463]

I love my boyfriend for singing along to female singers like Taylor Swift, being very sweet and caring to female relatives and friends. He helps me to value my own more traditional feminine interests and qualities

[@Le_Inke]

That was a great take on a very important issue. The "you have to endure everything without even blinking otherwise you are too soft and a failure" mindset is so harmful.

[@hellengomez7359]

I totally agree with that quote- men do emotionally cripple themselves and it hurts to see it cause they refuse to acknowledge that they have feelings besides anger- which is a sign of being emotionally immature- only children really react with anger and yelling and tantrum throwing. Anger is so easy to feel and acknowledge cause it feels righteous in a way? Like anger makes it seem like it’s everyone else that’s the problem- not oneself.

[@AnneLives81]

I always love your videos. Appreciate you focusing on topics that really need more nuanced discussion. (However I wouldn’t say this is more light hearted than last weeks.) Your description of your father’s struggles had me tearing up. Hits close to home as many of us have men in our lives with these struggles. I hope this reaches those that need to hear this and that more people can try to approach their suffering in a more empathetic way.

[@elliotsangestevez]

i tried to do light hearted but i am always a bit too serious sadly!

[@dirimi6352]

I can see why women watch you, I've been searching for a more calm and collected videos about topics that usually just push a very aggressive worldview. Here I can see I have space for conversation and growth. It's nice

[@senatortree6767]

This is my belief as a lifter. There is always room for improvement. You must push yourself beyond your limits (without splitting your back in half or dying). There’s always room to learn. You’re never done learning. Learning is one of the greatest gifts given to humanity. Never stop learning.

[@ElfainDeLeon]

I agree with many of your points and find you to be very introspective, I just have one minor issue. When you were talking about history and how 'the hunter will always tell the story of the hunted' it came off as the typical "History is written by the victors" but I wanna let you know that this isn't true and would get you disavowed from most circles of historians. Other than that, great video! Edit: But it's also important to acknowledge how some of the "manosphere" bros often talk about things ahistorically. Things like Men being the hunters is generally a disregarded theory, current studies think that ancient men and ancient women were both big-game hunters.

[@lockpickrogue-yc5wc]

history is dumb anyway. present is boss.

[@carasmith9795]

Another amazing video!! That part about self mutilation of emotion is realllly true. I’ve watched so many men in my life destroy themselves because they cannot share their feelings and when I would tell them “hey it’s ok to have emotions and share them tell me what’s wrong” they’d look at me like that’s the first time they’ve heard anything like that. Truly sad 💔

[@danielstockley5631]

And then Jordan Peterson cries in public and feminist twitter laughs their ass off for the next 10,000 years and use pics of it in all their 2 hour video essay thumbnails.

[@atheon596]

@@danielstockley5631 But at the same time Jordan Peterson also supports toxic masculinity despite complaining about not being able to be vulnerable

[@danielstockley5631]

@@atheon596 there's no such thing as toxic masculinity. It's a shaming pejorative that is never defined or defined completely differently depending on who is using it.

[@atheon596]

@@danielstockley5631 There is such a thing as toxic masculinity and it isn't used as a pejorative to demonize masculinity. People like Andrew Tate and the manosphere perpetuate it because our twisted society depends on it.

[@danielstockley5631]

@@atheon596 Andrew Tate is immasculine. Thin skinned. Selfish. Dishonest. Vane. A braggart. Cowardly. No one gave a shit about him until tik tok addicts started obsessing over him, both fans and haters.

[@CelesProxy]

I'm a trans woman who was raised with very masculine ideals. My parents weren't unnaccepting when I came out but they still continued to drill these ideas into me, and as the second child it was my responsibility to look after everyone when things got rough. My entire life up until very recently was revolving around finding "strength and courage" through desensitization. It wasn't until I met my current girlfriend and she embraced my feminine side I was able to sort of publicly lower that wall. A lot of my early years revolved around finding ways to be useful and since I'm not super smart often in traditionally masculine ways such as working with tools or lifting heavy things. I know my experience is very different to that of cisgendered men, but I can relate in most aspects and a lot of the video hits close to home as someone who was forced to be strong and fearless and distant in order to take care of my family. Things such as soaking up abuse for my younger siblings, or ignoring my own needs to meet theirs.

[@CuteCrazyCatgirl]

Trigger warning: suicide, heroin My uncle was this "strong" man. As a teen he was in tune with himself, wrote poetry and played in a band. Then he got into a very ultra-masculine, violent line of work, and I think he ended up scarred from it. Self-medicated by drinking, lost connections to the rest of the family because of it, along with extreme verbal aggression. When he lost his son to a heroin overdose (my cousin), I think he took to the bottle even more, while still maintaining the "strong" man facade. When I met him as a child he would always show his softer side towards me, which was so jarring juxtaposed to the aggression he showed others. I wish he allowed himself more softness. He passed away 2 years ago in what I think now was a passive suicide, maintaining the "strong" man image til his early passing by not allowing himself to go to the hospital, and rejecting help from others. He was found in his lounge chair, holding a bucket of blood he had been coughing up. (For context I live in another country. Had I been there I would have made him get help, but I didn't know the severity of the situation, and we only spoke every 6 months or so. I was also a minor at that point) I miss him every day, I thought he would be the one to walk me down the aisle one day.

[@goomaboi]

dam bro sucks but master chief pretty cool guy kills aliens isnt afraid of anyhting

[@GloriousCrap]

When you were talking about having empathy for your younger, more pathetic self it reminded me of my younger self who I've recently gotten back in touch with. I grew up a very curious, slightly effeminate late millenial boy in a small town where that sort of thing was still very frowned upon. Still is frowned upon, just a question of degrees. The constant Bullying and invalidation led me to self isolate and shut out all feeling. I started relying on "logic" that existed mostly as an attempt to explain away my feelings so I wouldn't have to deal with them. Can't put too much blame on myself for some of that. Most boys don't get taught how to manage their emotions so they have to learn the hard way through trial and error. When I look at a lot of the issues men face right now I get the impression we might be going through that trial and error collectively right now. Hopefully we find a good solution. It took a lot of effort but eventually I realized that younger version of me was the best one. Kinder, cooler, smarter even. A bit soft and whiny but at this point I don't care.

[@thelowercaseperson]

I'm sharing this video everywhere. Thank you for making it because I share the same thoughts and I think this is something every man needs to hear. You're amazing 💙

[@DecsterDM]

I think another contributing factor is that ppl don't wanna help "tough men". They guys who act like bros and act unbothered by everything don't rlly get asked if they need something as much. They're often just looked at as they're the problem with men today, and they need to be replaced instead of helped

[@randomname4437]

a lot of guys don't need anything they overcome it themselves

[@anthonyf616]

@@randomname4437 i believe the suicide rates disagree

[@EngineerMonkey-zp3yj]

​@@randomname4437 Blatant lie.

[@livi24]

The “just live I guess” at the end KILLED ME 😂

[@E.G.I.L.3D]

The sentiment is not just about physical strength. JP, for example, is promoting toughness, but he is a frail old man. It`s as much about being strong in spirit as being strong in body. Even Hamza says it. In fact, these self help guys are mostly trying to help men with issues in their head. Ofcourse they promote exercising because it`s just good for you in general, but most of what they focus on is giving advise on how to fight depression, become more organized, how to generally get your stuff together. P.S. Do not confuse toughness with being emotionally dull. Guys like Hamza and JP teach to acknowledge your emotions, but not act on them as this leads to destructive behaviour.

[@Chill6063]

Some of Hamzas advice is good, like for example, exercising everyday, gratitude listing, meditating, reading, and studying daily. I've been doing that for over a year and I've found that my general quality of life has improved a bit.

[@soboksobok9488]

thanks for talking about this! i got really emotional at the end. reminded me of my own dad. also, the part about the amount of "man-bashing" on twitter is so true. like if youre a man, on twitter or on the internet in general, please know that its absolutely okay to feel hurt by men being generalized and hated on in the way that we are. youre not toxic or problematic for feeling that way.

[@linseyspolidoro5122]

I think that having physical and/or internal strength is good in theory but when it is focused on so deeply it seems to always devolve into this internalized toxicity about how you view yourself and others. It’s really the weird focus on domination for me, it’s so strange that for a lot of men strength and domination are synonymous or at least intrinsically related. Like damn, become strong in order to be there for yourself, your loved ones, your community, etc. not in order to crush some hypothetical opponent. Not everything is a competition, you don’t have to be ranked to be worthwhile.

[@borzafror]

Idk what is all the big deal. Everyone should just live like they imagine their perfect life. And i dont mean "ima eat only candy and wont even get out of bed" Im talking about: What truly makes YOU happy? There's no "correct way to live" Just do your thing and always work to get better at it. (:

[@bubbachildsupport4535]

That’s what I’m saying. Why should people be forced to be in certain categories and act a certain way. Why can’t we as people just people be themselves

[@SunIsLost]

Yea

[@SunIsLost]

I love My Little Pony and I'm a man. I shouldn't care what other people think.

[@GuilhermeJotas]

@@SunIsLost Ma boi, I really have to say that you have a good taste and that's totally fine, I mean, especially if you also liked Equestria Girls, lol

[@fastfutures]

You just massively oversimplified the issue.

[@mhwestgate]

Toxic men don't seem to understand the difference between strength and domination.

[@Mr.Masenko]

Neither do toxic women. It’s a trait shared by both parties that fall under the umbrella of toxicity

[@guuh5772]

@@Mr.Masenko true

[@jenksjax]

When women say they want a strong men, they usually mean a calm men. someone who is secure in himself and his strenghts.

[@JuliAuditore]

Nope, they mean stoic, confident and competent

[@VelvetRed-rz8ur]

@@JuliAuditorenobody likes a stoic (dead inside) plane partner who can’t sustain a conversation because he is emotionally impotent.. trying to bond with somebody who shots down every attempt of connection it’s frustrating.. like having empathy for others and expressing your feelings it’s the bare minimum

[@JuliAuditore]

​@@VelvetRed-rz8uryou're wrong, being stoic doesn't mean to be dead inside, it means that you can regulate your emotions. This isn't just a good thing overall but also it's what's expected of you as a man and of you don't do it then you can't get a partner.

[@VelvetRed-rz8ur]

@@JuliAuditore regulate your emotions? Wich emotions? If you have any at all what are those? Do men only experience negative emotions as anger and lust? If that’s all you can feel then I get it.. DO regulate them please; so you don’t become a menace to others and harm the people around you.

[@JuliAuditore]

@@VelvetRed-rz8ur We have the same amount of emotions that women have, but we don't have the luxury of expressing them, specially in front of women.

[@TheKaliMalia]

This crucial part of the conversation is too often left out and dismissed because it's easier to ignore or too scary to address. Thank you for bringing this to your audience and putting yourself out there!

[@RiceWaffler]

i'm like 5 minutes in but hamsa claiming that a relationship with a dominant woman will only end up being toxic is so ... upsetting to hear lmao as a woman that prefers "weak, submissive and feminine" men i took great offense to that !! 😤

[@brandonwalker190]

Tf?

[@RiceWaffler]

@@user-iq4yu9ux4g even if the majority of women don't prefer what I do, how does that make all of the "dominant" women toxic? There's no correlation.

[@brandonwalker190]

@@RiceWaffler just wierd for a man to want a dominant woman anyway ,I'm not stopping him but bro lowkey wierd lol no hard feels

[@tromboner6061]

of course you prefer them, so that you can control them, boost your ego and sail easy.

[@kant.68]

@@RiceWaffler They will try to impose their will over their men . They feel like they must prove strength all the time

[@naominekomimi]

Your dad showed you what a real man is. Thank you for sharing this perspective for all of the young men on here who have so many awful men feeding them egotistical bullshit.

[@imazegd3006]

I think agknowledging ones weakness is a very important thing to do. Although Masculinity may be supposedly about ignoring your flaws and doubling down on being good at what you're good at, it still ignores one's flaws. I'd say pursuing a goal or a skill is like pursuing a partner - it requires good self-understanding first, and then action can be taken, for if it is ignored, it will lead to toxicity and burnout. Agknowledge your flaws, and come to terms with them before devoting your life to things, so that you can understand why you're doing what you're doing, and be happy for who you are :)

[@imazegd3006]

Now that I think about it, masculinity shouldn't be about strength, but more importantly, the willingness to learn...

[@mn-nj1qt]

Thank you for making this video. I think the point about how acceptable shaming men is is so true, its a critique I often have to make to a lot of people I know (both male and female) that they ought to show men just as much empathy and they do women. One that particularly gets me is how normal it is to shame men for their size (both their body size/height/stature and of certain appendages lol) even from the same people who dont like to have their looks criticized? Its insane to me and I really hope people can start calling out that behaviour more often.

[@justcallmeleonardo]

People should be allowed to be what they want really. Be as manly or not as you want. Be what makes you happy.

[@TheMegaGamingWizard]

Yeah nothing can possibly go wrong with that. Im serious.

[@juice_6786]

and yet thats the reason everything in our world is kinda going down in terms of happiness

[@muhammadeisa1459]

@@juice_6786 how?

[@indeepjable]

probably because nobody nowadays actually knows *what* they want, and they commonly instead look towards others for guidance

[@juice_6786]

@@indeepjable fr bro

[@yuhanmurros6843]

Thank you for this video. It's an important message that men (and nonmen) really need to hear right now. My father is one of those men who gave up any semblance of vulnerability in life. Probably, because of childhood abuse and feeling physically inferior growing up (illness and poverty). In return, he gave up the ability to connect with another human (or nonhuman) being. We don't see eye to eye on many things - I'm now training as a psychologist and I try to model genuineness and emotional vulnerability for clients. Much like physical movement through the world itself (climbing, swimming, running), I think fluid movement through life is like learning how to tense (harden) and relax (soften) with coordination. You cannot always be hard, and sometimes you need to be hard by being soft.

[@mwm2129]

Another fantastic video. I am particularly appreciative of the section on how making fun of 'gym bros' is kinda mean because that is something I sometimes do and it made me think twice about that. Sending this video to many other people I think will appreciate and reflect on the themes discussed too.

[@anon6056]

My brotjer really struggles with all of this. Mum body shames him too. I'll do everything i can to make our home better. Thank you for giving me the knowledge and emotional drive to do it!

[@ashdacraft]

Definitely not your target demo but KZbin suggested this to me-a 30 something year old woman🤷🏾‍♀️but you were spitting. I’m not the person who needed the message but I’m definitely co-signing it. This video weirdly came to me a day after having to end a new relationship with someone who could not get over their need to be strong. They needed me to be in the victim space so they could play hero and could not understand that I did not need a damsel storyline to see him as strong. Very tempted to send him this video.

[@yamitrap9688]

Awesome video! That story about your friend was really beautiful and hard hitting. Subbed. We need more deep discussion like this to help all the damaged men to heal.

[@RideOfTheRohirrim]

Thank you, the last several years I've felt a severe void of men talking about solutions in a healthy way. The pain is there and something I've been trying to bring awareness into, but there's pressure from my parents who expect me to follow the path of manosphere bullshit, and my friends who are mostly women who will man bash and turn around to say 'oh but not you' and I get where it comes from but I haven't figured out how to now internalize it. All this has created a seriously complicated way of understanding my masculinity and it's lonely not being able to find the voices who are talking about this in a nuanced healthy way and not hammering me with more misogyny ~ and you have just put into words so many things I haven't been able to describe to others. It's one thing to hear from women who care about this stuff but men need to care about this and it's such a relief hearing it from you.

[@kolb1e]

i’m actually living for scruffy elliot thank u very much for gracing me with such glory

[@TheVintageVegetable]

I've had your essays recommended to my feed in the last few months; I finaly have some down time and am binging them all. Amazing content, and I hope you continue pursuing /creating for KZbin, if that's how you feel called!

[@Krankyism]

Strength/Competence is the main thing that makes men attractive to women and not hate themselves afaik. Which doesnt mean only focussing on brawn or stuffing down emotions

[@Krankyism]

Dont get me wrong tho, loved the vid

[@Krankyism]

Although that wouldve been a weird misinterpretation me thinks 🤔😂

[@Elizabeth_Beachwood]

You create thoughtful content that is both insightful and balanced. Love your channel. I admire that you consistently seek to understand WHY people behave the way they do, without harsh judgement and admonishment. A little empathy goes a long way. Keep doing what you’re doing and thank you!

[@Society_is_braindead]

As a woman I've been WANTING THESE CONVERSATIONS FOR SO LONG NOW!!!! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK LET'S HEAL MEN

[@warcrimeconnoisseur5238]

I'm not so sure, I always hear from women and men how men should open up but once it happens, the man in question is disgusting or pathetic, no thanks I once did it and it went horrible.

[@Society_is_braindead]

@@warcrimeconnoisseur5238 I understand. I'm sorry you had negative experiences that made you shut down from sharing with women. Even I don't share with women anymore because 1. The next day everybody knows about your situation and 2. You get judged and it's used against you in an argument later. So I completely understand.

[@Society_is_braindead]

@@warcrimeconnoisseur5238 I think what I mean is that we need to start learning from men how to help men. Right now my boyfriend has opened my eyes to this. That a lot of men's issues get dismissed and downplayed or get used against them. Constantly putting men down instead of being empathetic. It's easier to say he's the bad guy etc. And I'm starting to understand more and more. And I can't lie... He's right. About a lot. That the things we do as women is immature and don't make sense. For example the way women trash men during an argument... I've never seen a man trash a woman in such a cruel matter tho! We call yall @ssh*les and id*ots and all sorts of names during an argument. The way he explained it to me was, imagine now, if a man was calling a woman names and being cruel or making fun of her. And I was like.... Wait a minute.... Why do we feel so comfortable trashing men? If you have time and if you want, would you want to add more insight? I'm on this new wave of learning and trying to be better. It would really help. And maybe I can teach my girlfriends something too!

[@fishstyx5028]

@@warcrimeconnoisseur5238 I get that, I've been through it, but truly with whatever weight my comment may have, it's worth enduring the ignorant and loud voices. you're planting the seed for a fruitful connection with yourself and your life, if others don't want you to have that then they are not your allies. you do it for you. humans are made to be emotional, be confident in listening to your body and mind and others will respect it.

[@search4omniscience]

let’s heal women too

[@SouDeePop]

"We don't know how to be OK or how to look OK without trying to look strong." You are so brilliant. This statement is on one of the cutting edges in clinical psych rn. I could go on but won't pretend to have the energy

[@chris7263]

As a Not-Man who had some Very Bad experience with boys at a very young age, male strength has always kind of felt like a threat, no matter the context. I desperately wanted to be strong for my own safety--in a way that has the shadow of some of the same toxic masculinity, I fear.

[@Flavor190]

You’re correct having strength is a what you could consider a soft threat. At the same time it isn’t just dark or primitive. There is book(The kabalion) I read that talks about the law of duality which saws everything has two meanings. As male myself strength is something I generally find to be beautiful and comforting for those around me. When you have the strength to pick up something heavy or be like a light house for a love one’s emotional storms it just feels good. It something that everyone benefits from when used well. So I don’t think you need fear strength rather find positive ways to use the strength you have or want to acquire.

[@Flavor190]

I also want to add I don’t think applying the label toxic to masculinity or Femininity is useful. A lot the things people term toxic like male anger and female emotionality have a place. Anger is used to express a person’s boundaries with having to express them psychically while emotionally is used to ask for help. There’s value in traits people typically want to be forgotten about because society tells us it’s bad to have them not necessarily because they are bad.

[@DreamersOfReality]

Male anger and female emotionality? What does this even mean? Literally all humans are born with these intrinsic capabilities. We need to stop gendering things that are universal human experiences.

[@tariqdanzig3621]

I never knew my father. I began my life trying to understand why i didnt get what classmates and friends got. I later learned that apparently he lashed out at my mom when she told him she was pregnant with me, then left her. I also learned he was an only child, and mixed W/B like me. His father didnt treat him well, and i think abandoned him and his mother, too. It explained a lot about his reaction, though i still think he did a horrible thing. Im glad i never met him, I hope i can be better than him, by being truthful to myself, loving to those who care about me and be there for those we bring into the world. My mother wasnt perfect, but she made sure i made it out alive, and shes still around and ready to work through our issues to this day. Love you ma, and good luck to all those trucking it through life, you got this.

[@Russiansism]

I wrestled at a pretty high level and in college the head coach did something pretty fucked up that shattered me for a while. He was always an old school hard ass coach, but he'd cross the line sometimes. He encouraged us getting so fired up that we'd want to punch our opponents, he'd even want us to punch our practice partners. If we got DQ'd because of assaulting the other guy he wouldn't count it as a loss. As a freshman almost all of my practice partners were older, and they were my older brothers I never really had growing up. I dressed up as one of them for Halloween because we looked so similar. Needless to say they'd whoop my ass in practice, but I prided myself on getting back up, stone faced, no matter what and forcing myself back into those shitty positions which ended in me getting slammed back onto the mat. I guess my late coach saw my lack of a reaction as weakness, that he just had to push me to some breaking point so I could unlock some extra power from letting myself get mad. He took my two partners aside and told them to pull out every dirty trick. One repeatedly smashed my face into the mat after the whistle. My nose bled for the rest of practice. I spent my only rest time changing out the nose plug. The other would keep going even we'd gone out of bounds, throwing me into the wall at times. I felt so confused and betrayed, but I got up and didn't react. My coach had told them to do whatever it took to get me to swing on them because only then it would mean that I was "strong" or something. I forget the exact language he used, but he did tell me about his whole plan later on and told me how disappointed he was in me that I didn't snap. Needless to say I've come back around and realized that my strength came from enduring the bullshit and manipulation, but to have your "dad away from home", as he liked to call himself, say that shit to you is fucked.

[@yungctrlfreak]

damn man

[@VelvetRed-rz8ur]

Thank you for sharing that.. as a women who sees men as stoic violent and cruel beings; you kinda make me understand a little bit how society molds those traits into most of you.. It makes sense why most men seems to be dead inside with lack of empathy for others. You are indeed strong if you didn’t let them break you and conform. If only more men could be as smart as you and act more humane rather than beasts..

[@lauraisgonnaBOK]

Socrates was fit as fuck dude

[@rainystone607]

"It is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable" - Socrates

[@BluegrassBriar]

I came across a good video about our perception of the male role model in pop culture. This particular video was praising Aragorn from LOTR. He is masculine and strong in every respect. But tender and soft at the right times when it is needed. Does what he can to serve the ones around him in his own disciplines. He is what I strive to be. Not Rambo or the terminator.

[@botondkunos1774]

Well one is a mentally scarred war veteran and the other is a literal robot, they are without a doubt badass, but not exactly role model material.

[@brycesumrall7248]

I think you need to go rewatch rambo my guy. Its about a war vet with PTSD. In a sense, is about the same thing this video is about.

[@Lief3002]

As goofy as it sounds, I think Vegeta is one of the best fictional characters in this regard He is introduced as an evil sociopath, murdering planets and even his own Allies for no apparent reason, with a striking ego to boot. He is supposed to be the king of his race, a race that no longer exists. Later on in the story, though, he has a son, settles down with a family, and while keeping up on his training, he eventually loses his obsession with being THE strongest and switches to being HIS strongest. He even returns to one of the planets he genocided in the far past recently in the manga and showed immense remorse for what he did. I think that is a fantastic example of growth.

[@noaw418]

I really hope this video reaches the men & boys who need to hear its message. I want them to heal, to find the tools they need to free themselves of the damage put on them by the patriarchy, so we can all work together to overcome it for good. Great work on this video, Elliot.

[@danielstockley5631]

Men die younger, are more likely to be murdered and assaulted, more likely to die by suicide, more likely to be homeless, more likely to go to jail, get harsher sentences for the same crime compared to women, more likely to die at work, and now are hugely outnumbered in college/universities admissions and in many age brackets are being out-earned by women despite "muh wage gap" talking point. All these life outcome metrics are similar to people of colour relative to white people. And yet feminists still say with a straight face that women are oppressed by society, not men. Fixing these issues by seeing that there is no patriarchy built by men and for men will help us FAR more than telling men to just show more emotion. Because of course, if that entails saying what I just said... well those are the bad emotions and the wrong think and toxic masculinity and it's cancellin' time! Young men, especially young white men, are being told that they are a unique evil in the history of the world, that everything is their fault and when coupled with all the horrific statistics I just mentioned, people wonder why they are turning desperately to fools like Andrew Tate.

[@omegafilming]

"Socrates didn't work out" is the best line from this one

[@elliotsangestevez]

and its apparently historically inaccurate! i did a trim on the video that should be in effect later today where i take the socrates section out as i was unaware he actually was a warrior early in his life and was known to be quite strong

[@omegafilming]

@@elliotsangestevez Gigachad Socrates vs. the virgin Athenian judiciary

[@danielstockley5631]

One of his most famous quotes: "No man has the right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training. It is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable"

[@hollagonzalez7954]

Capitalism

[@endcaps1917]

Your comment is very based

[@Valentino016]

Deep

[@ThatSayYou]

I just want to be able to watch a video on how to improve my bench press technique without being recommended Matt Walsh videos

[@cyanocitta3728]

I agree in part, but a big part of what makes these self help KZbinrs so captivating is not strength, but discipline and work. They give men a set of values to work toward, and by achieving that men are able to self actualise, something we are not taught how to do by society. We are able to achieve something directly through our own effort, some of these guys have never been able to do that before and it’s so important. The issue arrives when the values that go along side the discipline aren’t healthy values. I think that’s why it’s important to meet men where they are and give them the same advice but framed in a less misogynistic manner

[@enzoaraya4796]

I think this video is a great showcase in what true stoicism actually is, thank you.

[@emadaseeri6227]

I’m so glad and thankful you decided to put a video out about this very topic and to tackle it from an emotionally healthy perspective. I feel it’s incredibly important that men and women understand the importance of attending to their emotions, and recognise that emotions aren’t to be shunned upon. Emotions are such an integral part of life, a powerful force that can break you if you’re not careful and delicate enough in managing them. There is strength in being loving and compassionate. To be more empathetic, kind, and understanding does not mean one has to a ‘doormat’. Being able to apply compassion to one’s self and others requires an immense strength in character, to deal with uncomfortable feelings, to accept that sometimes things are out of our hands, and to recognise that suffering is a universal human plight. Whether you’re a king or a popper, suffering is just part of the course. To feel shameful or guilty about our emotional pain just doesn’t help. Hardening yourself, as you put it, or detaching from your emotions, is subtly a choice born out of fear. And although that choice can allow us a temporary solution to trauma, averting from your pain will only lead to further ignorance and blind from any kind of much needed clarity. The kind of clarity that brings unity and cooperation. The kind of clarity that dissolves anger and hatred and creates a more pleasant atmosphere. When the superficial idea of strength is glorified and romanticised, what is often forgotten is how much bloodshed, both metaphorically and literally sometimes, is left behind.

[@agnieszkacz_]

I enjoy the ad acknowledgement during the video heehee it always makes me giggle

[@_ElijahEarl]

U look good

[@kiddcavalierdjmcandlilgas5331]

Finally a man talking about men in an honest way! Lets go men!

[@pixie9499]

i really don’t see where these men come from thinking all women or feminine beings want alpha NFT tools. the most attractive man i’ve ever been with liked to paint his nails & incorporate “womens” clothing into his everyday wardrobe. i love me a femboy.

[@eclypsaqueen7013]

DAMN BRO THAT LITERALLY BROUGHT A TEAR TO MY EYE i relate so strongly with the issues of men and the inability to face the vulnerability of emotion or loving someone because of how i was brought up crying was shameful anger was shameful sadness was shameful happiness and excitement was shameful questioning authority and pushing back was shameful not retaliating physically was shameful if i didn't demonstrate my power over others i would be stepped upon as i was stepped upon before i was asked to emotionally share something with someone else and i viewed them and myself as weak for struggling and so i shied away i cut that part of me away i couldn't be wrong, couldn't bend and understand because it was shameful so basically i'm a boy then wow the funny thing is while all this was being pushed on me is that i was also pushed to be feminine, to be the same, to conform and concede

[@bluchismoon]

Watch that video of the most dangerous jobs and tell me those guys aren't strong, and then tell me if you don't think those men wouldn't trade those jobs for a nice soft job that paid better? It's like the times of Teddy Roosevelt are back, when men were so worried about being manly that they almost (if not definitely) wiped out entire species because trophy hunting would make them feel powerful.

[@randomname4437]

women like to trophy hunt to

[@cedean6755]

First video Ive watched on your channel (as a male) and I do have to say that Im glad someone is finally talking about this, I believe this is an important topic that doesnt get enough coverage, thank you.

[@idontwantahandlethough]

This is great stuff man, I'm really glad you did this. There's so, SO much bad advice out there for men and I really hate it. In all honesty, I think right now, the best (and least likely to be full of toxic nonsense) advice for mental health is geared towards women. They're comfortable talking about feelings and stuff, so it tends to be better advice. And most advice will work for both men and women anyway, there's very few scenarios where the advice differs all that much. Lastly, for any men that can't grow a good beard but would like to give off the impression that they can, I have a great tip for you! 1. Get a facial hair/beard trimmer (the standard kind with the plastic guard that your barber would have). Philips (Norelco) makes a decent one. 2. simply take off the plastic guard and shave like that. You'd think the blade would cut (or at least irritate) your skin, but it doesn't! It's borderline impossible. So anyway, you'll end up with about 1mm of stubble, making it look like you shaved yesterday, everyday (except it was actually today). It's basically permanent 5-o'clock-shadow. Pretty neat, try it out :)

[@hypnoticstench]

watching your videos feels like seeing the confusion i experienced for so long being translated into perfectly worded masterpieces.

[@xx_somescenecath0lic_xx888]

masculinity is basically what Giga Cheddar is saying it's about trying to be the best person you can be

[@marlouw606]

masculinity is living in quiet desperation

[@kuromistan645]

@@marlouw606 sounds sad

[@Lisa-eq7ms]

It’s so therapeutic to just listen to you talk tbh, I love your videos ^^

[@Janon743]

0:35 funny enough, Kratos eventually becomes an example of imperfect but much more positive masculinity

[@motherfudgenugget9721]

Above all, be what makes sense to you. Mental strength is a necessity to everyone, and if you feel as though physical strength is necessary for your mental strength; go for it. You can be feminine with physical strength, and you can be masculine while understanding your emotions. Comparing yourself to others only puts yourself down. And don't put down people that are physically weak, or put people down that are emotionally weak. Encourage them to be better. You are your own person so embrace that fact.

[@ronron6092]

I think we really have to think over our definition of strength. Isn't it way more strong to realize your inner traumas and finally start talking about them, making a change, than sticking to the old pattern and keeping it in? That just sounds exhausting to me. Shouldn't strength make you feel somehow whole and in peace with yourself? I don't think that exhausting yourself and putting on a mask is the way to reach that goal. I think real strength lies in daring to talk about your problems and feelings in a world where people don't want you to do that. Acknowledging your feelings and dealing with them. Also can we just stop with this mindset that every man/woman has to be a certain way to qualify as man/woman? People are different, and have different understandings of how they want to present. Can't we just let each other be? To hell with the binary system✌️ that was me rambling

[@brandonwalker190]

There's a difference between mental strength and physical strength bro we need both