Area Star Faces Life Imprisonment In Dyson Sphere

A local star faces life imprisonment in a Dyson Sphere, after being accused of firing solar flares at a neighboring planet. Xenonion's Kashnak D'Vakk and Veltassa Mondrak report.
Xenonion News: @Stellaris' most trusted news source - according to four out of the five arthropods we nerve stapled.
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Copyright:
► Voiceover: Kashnak - Mike (Fiverr @newsmike), Veltassa Mondrak - Melissa (Fiverr @melissaepp), Chadley - Dylan (Fiverr @flfalcon), Kara - Naomi (Fiverr @naomi_miller)
► Animations / Graphics: Under license from Shutterstock, Storyblocks, Motion VFX
► Audio: 'Emotive Technology', 'All That Remains' under license from Premium Beat
*All other content copyright to Paradox Interactive Studios; we are not affiliated with them and do not represent their views.
#Xenonion​ #XenonionNews #DysonSphere #Bitrius #BurnTheSun #Stellaris #StellarisNews​ #StellarisMeme #Meme #Funny #SciFi​ #Parody​ #Paradox #ParadoxInteractive #PDX

[@XenonionNews]

Remember to book your tickets to the ISS Xenonion today: discord.gg/xenonion

[@felalot8801]

Just don't go into the vents...

[@XenonionNews]

@@felalot8801 [a distant, but distinct sound of meowing is heard]

[@asarteawiki3802]

@Xenonion News RUN

[@luftwaffle3766]

@@felalot8801 AMONG US

[@Silverraptorvideos]

-Galactic Community running dangerously low on Resolutions -Area Empire develops strike craft capable of deploying even smaller, more effective strike craftettes -House prices hit record low following Neutron Sweep -Singular local Corporate Branch office serving 13.5 billion customers operating surprisingly well -Area Empire advertises for entry level core world governor -"In retrospect, this was mistake" -Squareworld Engineer -Security experts worried about increasing trend of DIY Crises -Colonists struggling to breathe on harsh new colony world think extra consumer goods might help -Air traffic grounds to halt as area planet struggles to figure out how to turn off shield generator -Doctors warn of risks regarding XL Laser Hair removal -Chosen one content to just stay at home today -Prethoryn Security Expert: "Hack! Hack! Hack!"

[@foisopracurtir6389]

Also, Criminal syndicate estabelished

[@hansgunterkerman3517]

As if a Sqareworld could ever be a bad idea.

[@alexandererhard2516]

@@hansgunterkerman3517 Living Metal go brrr

[@joshadams5602]

hey, if consumer goods includes respirators, they would help

[@glenmcgillivray4707]

@@joshadams5602 sorry we ran out of them after they colonized that spore infested terraformed former Toxic World, would you prefer a Microwave, Refrigerator or a Handvac?

[@Gridlock1475]

The brain slug collective would like to express it's heart felt sorrow over this tragedy and in this trying time for this world offer free brain slugs to any who need aid.

[@gustavoboscardin9351]

Totally Non Ravenous Hive Mind here. I can confirm that brain slugs are delicious

[@glenmcgillivray4707]

So I managed to roll brain slugs. And despite being xenphiles. None of my pops seemed to want them. 🤔 It was as close as you could get to being with an alien species as you could even imagine! And I was happy to have them. Yet this Xenophobic faction kept making a fuss about losing liberties. Nonsense. We were autocratic that playthrough, no one had liberties.

[@dazeyndrowsy]

The Automated Inclusivity Project here, we'd love to integrate the brain slugs and their culture within our own

[@albinogingerblackman7739]

Marauder clan here, HAIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

[@siluda9255]

i myself am more into fungui brain consumer but i can give a try to new things so i want one for me !

[@rogerreger9631]

That is not justice, I say we give the star the star-cracker penalty, and use the dark matter to fund that aethersperic-engine project in that nice empire called "Totally not the crisis good guys" empire. they seem really nice over there. -said by a nerved stapled pop.

[@waldirnacarath]

thats the consequence of the widespread and easy access to ultraviolet rays, our society must regulate the avaliability of ultraviolet rays at once before more of our children get tanned in a school flare event.

[@nickolaiproblem]

Oh here we go again with your liberal pan-galactic news bias if we limit ultraviolet ray use then only the bad stars will get them

[@shutdown117]

Our children should not feel like they have to run around with sunscreen to be protected!

[@52flyingbicycles]

That last bit: whenever I get deeper secrets of the vultaam. I drive my top scientist insane with forbidden knowledge, then put them in an immortal shell so that they can live with their false existence until all the saves with that game are cleaned by my computer’s garbage disposal

[@jammy5731]

#BurnTheSun

[@brylythhighlights4335]

With how long this channel's been up, the price of alloys in their game probably *has* gotten high enough that you need a trillion e-creds to make a dyson sphere.

[@Some_day_i_may_find_a_name]

The ravenous hive would like to extend their utter hunge- sorrow towards the planet. They would like to announce that any civilians who require aid immediately move towards the nearest hive outpost for consumptio- I mean help and moral support

[@dinodude6992]

Normally, as an ambassador of the nearby determined exterminator empire, this star would be held in high regards. This is not the case, for you see, as it wasn't mentioned in the story, many menial robots that the disgraceful organics keep as slaves were killed or deactivated by the solar flare. So, in order for justice to be rightfully to be served to thus star, we of the determined exterminators have sent a star eater to finally catch this menace

[@TippyDev]

This is a true tragedy, my condolences to all who were affected.

[@cheapasmilk]

The court refused to acclimate the defendant nor translate its language. Our friend is deserving of pardon on these grounds.

[@davidshea6272]

This is so dumb and I love it

[@LuckyLuigi]

It must have been a firey debate

[@xModerax]

Imagine killing your homeworld because you encased your only star in the system 🤣

[@PerfectAlibi1]

We can live in the dark and dyson sphere will provide plenty of power to power the heaters. ^^

[@SebHaarfagre]

The people of Dathnak would like to formally disassociate from this kind of behaviour from fellow gaseous beings. *Viva la Revolución!*

[@GermanConquistador08]

I still hold that this is the most chronically unappreciated but most witty and hilarious youtube channel out there.

[@JacoDeltaco]

the 172 year old got me good. it happen to me once I add a scientist live form the start to the end of the game I did not realise what was happening before he was 120-130 year old and after I did my best to keep him alive

[@jamiehughes5573]

The oldest non-immortal scientist I had was over 200 years , before they spontaneous died

[@JacoDeltaco]

@@jamiehughes5573 did you realise before he die or when you saw the pop up

[@scoot.112]

I like how they used pictures from Cities: Skylines

[@crazymammoth]

funniest thing i've seen all week.

[@agoose373]

Hm, this is bad news, The Geese Empire has lost a great ally

[@PelinalDidNothingWrong]

Free my sun! He did nothing wrong!

[@StegoAqua]

This was so incredibly stupid from so, so many angle, I loved every last second of it

[@dementiabiden1621]

City Skylines is a nice touch to this video.

[@RexMK-]

Glad to see that the Tax Credits are being put to good use

[@magmakojote1663]

#NeverForget

[@Redem10]

Bitrius is being frame!

[@subject1479]

Now i wanna hear more about the scientist...

[@iloldirl]

Galactic Community to bring Tiyanki Protection Act to a vote. Meanwhile, the Prethoryn Scourge continues to ravage the outer rim.

[@genildomiranda1690]

Aren't flammable and inflammable synonyms

[@Alwaysasherlok]

The unified avali colonies would like to express our laughter at the misfortune experienced by humans. For those who don't know who the avali are they are a specied which was going to be added on to the game Starbound before starbound was abandoned (can still play it on steam, but it never got half of what the developers wanted to put in it). The avali have a very bad relationship with the humans. The avali live on through mods for Starbound, Stellaris, and other games.

[@tnynfox1669]

No, the EMP would break your Cybernetic organs and Nexus chips.

[@Alwaysasherlok]

@@tnynfox1669 did I say anything about avali tech surviving? The assumption natural is that the avali are laughing because the avali in most versions of their lore don't like humans, and live on ice planets thus wouldn't be on the colony that got solar flared.

[@dekuscrublord3737]

I can't see any way Bitrius can get out of this innocent.

[@raxsavvage]

the grogon megacorp have already deployed an emergy rollout of outlets to help local populous we have food, consumer goods, a research and development center researching inflammable dna testing kits and an amusement park to help locals recover because a murderous star does not mean we give up on you!

[@Sephiroth144]

Heh; digging the Cities:Skylines for the on planet backgrounds

[@douglas0828]

was the last bit a Rick and Morty joke? 🤣

[@HolyPire]

Always awesome....

[@spacetechempire510]

The Orion imperial collective will help donate the resources need for the structure.

[@machixius]

The emancipitorian directive offers aid in subjecting this star into eternal servitude to generating energy credits in return for partial control over the system. We assure you that the inhabitants will never be subject to the aggressive cruelty of bitrius again. For those who still don’t feel safe enough, we will offer free cybernetics and access to the aid of our overmind multiplex.

[@tnynfox1669]

Your EMP griefing will be punished by penal labor.

[@camaradearthur3531]

US and Australian government fighting to define PI value be like:

[@vazak11]

This series is great XD

[@explodingwolfgaming8024]

Commenting 4 algorithm

[@doom7ish]

Num num num

[@El_Presidente_5337]

I forgot that they move their mouth like that lmao

[@TheBarbarianGamer]

Ah, for the days when something like this was considered parody. After Uvalde, the Jan 6th committee, and countless other examples, it's now reality.

[@sneedchuckington]

"only one question remains: why? And who?" This is why I love you guys.

[@SebHaarfagre]

They never ask _how_

[@jujuplayboy]

"Burn the Sun" sign is perfect ! lol

[@ShawndaPrawn]

Bitrius' defence in court was just laughable. It's lawyer, Mr. Solaire, kept objecting hearsay (or he might have been saying heresy, I could be wrong) every time witnesses opened their mouths, all the while doing some weird Y-pose at every opportunity. I'd hate to see the legal system over in Astora.

[@charleswest782]

PRAISE THE SUN!

[@jiggermole]

I hope and pray that you'll eventually have enough to fill a 24hr news cycle. And just work on segments as you get time and swap them out on the live stream. I would totally have it on as background.

[@glenmcgillivray4707]

I hope for more Synth Radio. I can't wait for the Chair Corp© to rise up and deploy comfortable egonomic chairs into every creatures home across the Galaxy, crushing all resistance before it as they destroy every poorly designed lazyboy, fashionable bar stool and wooden bench in the known galactic region, before handing the reigns of control back into the hands of their many Vassal states to rule and manage themselves once again. With The Right Chair For The Job™- Buy Chair Corp© lest they will swing by your place today™

[@JenkoRun]

Why are we focusing on imprisoning some Star when we've got Black Holes sucking up entire star systems in our Galaxy? Why is no one talking about this?! It must be a conspiracy!

[@fabiomorandi3585]

There's no need for a conspiracy to exist in this case, the perpetrators are just that good at making witnesses disappear before they can even contact the local precinct.

[@KertaDrake]

Oi! That's stellar profiling! They prefer to be called Quantum Singularities too!

[@lordforg8697]

I heard that the planet ASKED the star to solar flare it, to help get rid of an infection

[@Muzanthegenderbender696t]

Infection called humans

[@glenmcgillivray4707]

Relic Corp© wishes to remind customers of their Dyson Sphere Relocation Program, moving Relics of the past to new suns, as well as their Dyson Sphere Preservation Service. Repairing and maintaining these ancient structures to ensure future generations can appreciate their magesty. After all. Suns have lifespans, and type O suns despite their beauty, rarely live longer than the Civilization that originally built them, forcing relocation of these Civilisations magestic constructions to ensure their preservation for future Generations. Relic Corp© reminds customers that Nutritional Slurry™ is not people. It is clearly produced from livestock, as evidenced by their traceability services on Nutritional Slurry Premium©™

[@jamesgrieves2669]

The level of dissonance on display is what makes this stuff really funny

[@Ruosteinenknight]

🎵 They're locking up the sun, the light of reason gone, N' hope has been successfully undone The question's burning on, where is it coming from, No-one seems to know the monster born🎶

[@thatamericanloser2833]

Free my boy. #FreeTheSun

[@nickolaiproblem]

#FreeBitriaus #JusticeforBitriaus

[@jamiehughes5573]

Send the sun eaters in

[@tedhill5983]

Eat the energy rich gravity wells!

[@juicebox6581]

I kept thinking about how real life prisons cost taxpayers a lot of money. Imagine how much itd cost this planet when they "fully imprison" their only source of light

[@vadimsharanda1052]

They can simply build their Dyson sphere up to 25% or 50% - and stop there. It's not like Bitrius will be able to crawl between the bars...

[@gabrielclark1425]

Their wealth of Energy Credits does not render them above the law!

[@kerbodynamicx472]

Don’t worry- a billionth of the suns light is all that’s required to illuminate our planet. For a big blue star it’s more like a trillionth. Just poke a hole on the Dyson sphere

[@juicebox6581]

@@kerbodynamicx472 problem is, we rotate around the sun. We would have to leave a line of uncovered light all around the sun ao we get sunlight year round.

[@Kakarot64.]

@@juicebox6581 You make it sound like a Dyson sphere can't rotate on its axis keeping its ooening aimed at the systems habitable planet

[@naseankershaw3071]

We need Sun Control!!...

[@roaringbeardragon4531]

Now they can 'star'-t their redemption

[@fredrikkirderf2907]

how did I not know about this channel before this this is gold

[@bunstructors8591]

#EndMassIncarceration #FreeThemAll

[@imanormalpersom]

If shenanigan's like this happen all the time in real life, I would be immortal, no questions asked.

[@mcgameproductions4746]

Stellaris and City skylines same universe confirmed ?

[@ravager2-636]

And they say Crime doesn’t pay..

[@PillarofSmite]

I was streaming OnlyBlorgs when the internet cut out.

[@Chronowizpal]

United Stars of Andromeda and their racism towards non-WhiteDwarf stars, amarite?

[@nickolaiproblem]

thats right

[@syrathdouglas1244]

The Kardivek offer their condolences. We’d offer to shake appendages as many species do but our spine-injecting toxins make that unfortunately impossible, if not unnecessarily unpleasant.

[@redshuttleredacted6422]

Looks like I found the far future version of The Onion. Pure hydrogen

[@moontruther7865]

it was the "burn the sun" sign that got me

[@joehelland1635]

rofl idk what I just watched but it was hilarious... :D (I do have 4k hrs in Stellaris...)

[@Doomcharger]

Bitrius is innocent!

[@alexdivision4320]

I love the use of Cities Skylines

[@mharizsaifuddin7059]

Come on don;t leave us on a cliffhanger

[@V1489Cygni]

Yeah, as if our justice system wasn't rigged. Nothing ever happens to these supergiant stars. We can either make justice with our own two star eaters or have no justice at all

[@the_booontch]

exactly what i would expect from a class b star. lock him up!

[@dh599]

Tsk tsk tsk, another stars fall into obscurity. It was probably on drugs and driving drunk as well.

[@battlesheep2552]

Class O star lives matter!

[@lucasbeck1391]

Inflammable = flammable

[@dwavenminer]

Hi Dr.Nick 😜

[@deandickens2203]

Fanatic Egalitarianism might have been a mistake

[@cpresuttis]

yo the housing price is low? time to buy up and rent out lol

[@theodoremccarthy4438]

I don’t know why, but the police lights on the corvettes made me giggle.

[@kingmasterlord]

what if it was like jewelry though?

[@denalozecon9074]

Cosmology Humor! Love it! It's like an Onion parody from 4000 AD

[@denalozecon9074]

Cough Um never heard of this channel before today. Channel has Onion in name; duh and I feel slightly emberrassed about my first comment since I wrote it before reading channel name.

[@ninjasiren]

#BurnTheSun

[@binarybiosphere]

I'm certain bitrius was acting in self-defence

[@howdydobuckeroo1204]

Hey I live there Wait no I got confused. This terraforming thing has been making me very confused.

[@marginbuu212]

Did Bitriaus really do it? Or is this just a conspiracy to imprison the star and tap it for energy credits? If you ask me, this sounds a bit fishy. No offense to any aquatics out there.

[@auraguard0212]

Wait a second, you can't Dyson Sphere your local star! It'll freeze you to death, and then you won't be able to buy Consumer Goods!

[@atigerclaw]

Ah... Quality news from across the galaxy.

[@SMmania123]

This is golden, I'm subscribing.

[@cald1421]

This is so well done. You deserve more views

[@Noctazar]

That's just stellar.

[@QuantumSorceress]

lol

[@PerfidiousPuffin]

Several times you've used the word "area" but I think you mean "local" But great video as always!

[@Lubetube111]

Newest Aspec save a empire playthru he hit -15 engineering for awhile.. .A FIRST!!! I smell a episode...

[@Daretobestupider]

Good, gas giants have had it easy for too long; it's about time the law came down on one!

[@CoffeeSuccubus]

I now officially accept this channel as GTA canon This channel is a gold mine as usual.