Ari Shaffir - Tattletale - This Is Not Happening - Uncensored

[@random3785]

I’ve literally been watching these for 8hrs today

[@stathismotsenigos3959]

Random same 😂

[@PartyboyDanny]

It’s like a full time job at this point

[@robinsoto2700]

Fax

[@harmonyholmes6739]

Same and I have work in 20 mins

[@vishalnayyar9948]

Same

[@carsonvolk1617]

"Calm down, it's not a Catholic school." That shit got me man lol

[@declanbergin3167]

At least catholics dont bite the foreskin off their babies.

[@strider_hiryu850]

Declan Bergin sick burn.

[@crussteasock4047]

Still odd to make a child kneel before a grown man. Regardless of which book they read

[@DannySullivanMusic]

lol dude amazing

[@SamsungKE]

Her name is Bernice Weigert... I guess googled the closest name sounding like ‘Bernice Wai-Gurt’ and I saw his tweet, was rather proud of my lip reading skills 😂

[@dexterkoula3407]

You are a SOLDIER her facebook post still exists too lol

[@chiroh145]

Tech Time thank you detective

[@goodbyeimakenewaccount8228]

Tech Time I thought he was saying Brittany Swanson lol

[@theycallmethehunter5096]

I thought he said Hugh Janus

[@_DiJiT]

I thought he said Steve

[@DaniboyBR2]

Ari is one funny SOB, he really stepped up his game in the last few years.

[@guard509]

@Brownbeartmb comprehension is key

[@slantdwave]

@@guard509 joke

[@LuxioV2]

Brownbeartmb not much of a sense of humour for a fan of comedy 🤨

[@DannySullivanMusic]

for real dude. totally right

[@emosongsandreadalongs]

"Be Morm- Don't be Mormon, obviously." I'm a Mormon, and this made me laugh.

[@kjamlin]

Oh yeah, definitely don't be Mormon

[@spencer_jackson542]

@Forrest Robles most mormons are nice until you diss their beliefs, in my experience

[@NickCorso]

"Uncensored" *Censors the girls name hundreds of times* 😂😂😂😂😂

[@dionysusfall2738]

Nick Corso they’re not tryna get sued

[@zreed545]

Came here to say that lol

[@RHYNOSHIFTY5]

@@dionysusfall2738 man everyone gets sued who the fuck cares anymore

[@petermuller7079]

@@dionysusfall2738 Isn't that ALWAYS the case when someone censores it's own contents?!

[@dionysusfall2738]

Peter Müller no, sometimes it’s just for monetary reasons (like censoring curse words for advertisers)

[@johnsonjerrad]

Ari's getting really really good lately. I've been a fan for years and this is the funniest I've seen him. It's great to a see a comic you really enjoy just crushing it.

[@stevenobrien557]

Lol he lost some fans since then

[@ETAisNOW]

@@stevenobrien557None of those were real fans you dork, and since you made your comment Ari released one of the best specials ever. Kobe!

[@mr.hostetter855]

That's a level of pettiness that I struggle with daily trying to control.

[@crussteasock4047]

That's sad

[@Diaphat]

Same here. As long as you don't let it overcome you, you'll be fine.

[@msb4838]

We had a teacher who was really proud he was getting his doctorate. Being middle school kids from lower middle class families we had no idea what that meant; we thought he was studying to be a doctor. So we said cool. You're gonna be a doctor - what kind. He replied, condescension dripping off him, NO, not a doctor, a doctorate. And that was the moment. We spent the time till he quit calling him doctor sarcastically. He didn't last long. Thinking back now, we were awful. And to get your PhD while working... Respect. Still...he was a condescending prick. So.

[@brooklynschoor9922]

2019 binging Ari, Joey Diaz and Joe Rohan you fall down a hole lol I can’t get enough of these guys!! 💓

[@stormcorrosion176]

Brooklyn Schoor 3 at a time, as usual for you!

[@brooklynschoor9922]

Nathan Dufresne 💁🏼 how would you know ?

[@royythaboi7163]

Brooklyn Schoor dang, shots being fired!

[@hockeylvr1234]

Who’s your favorite?

[@brooklynschoor9922]

Kyler Michael I think Joe because he has this awesome podcast that I can’t get enough of but when I do found stuff from Ari I obsess, he just doesn’t have enough material out there.

[@OffOliverClose]

damn it! He mentioned his twitter followers, so i immediately went to check how many, and subsequently followed him. then it hit me.. that was just him promoting his twitter. You win

[@jimpickens4]

How did you not see that coming? I mean he mentioned that he's a jew at least 50 times.

[@TrackHustlersENT]

Damn bro you're very easily influenced lmao I hope within the last 4 years you tightened up and worked that issue out

[@stevenobrien557]

This has been the best past year for reading old KZbin comments

[@DannySullivanMusic]

yep. _100%_ true dude

[@SiempreAlgoLoco]

This was great! I love how he described all the student's non verbally agreeing to destroy the teacher.

[@petermyers479]

Don’t worry, It’s a Jewish school, not a Catholic school...Friggin hilarious!

[@storytimewithunclebill1998]

Rocking some knees at 13. Dude is so funny. Its not a Catholic school, its a Jewish school. Had me rolling. Was fun to watch. Great video

[@jesse4729]

I’ve been watching ari the whole day on my acid trip. He’s my jewish icon now

[@mariahrfordays1988]

Jesse lol go outdoors. Ari is amazing but you need to be in nature

[@brocowsci]

did you at least hang out with nature bro? i cant enjoy a trip without hanging out with my favorite tree and giving it a hug

[@crussteasock4047]

What a waste of acid

[@0PEX0B]

Isn't this supposed to be uncensored? :O

[@garmcampoli8308]

You can't really put someone on blast like that.

[@connerestoda2733]

***** So wait? You both went to the same high school?

[@atticusfinch2600]

***** nice try haha

[@TheMrTenal]

***** All Jewish school my ass!

[@0PEX0B]

***** Garm Campoli That is totally fine then, sorry I misunderstood the bleepings! Love the stand up btw!

[@isabellageorge7023]

This is the next level of petty right here and I love it

[@Greeezy]

Yes. Yes. Let the hate flow through you. Someone said something about someone you like..... Yessssss hate is the source of my life force. Feeeed me

[@pinedragon5398]

“It’s not a catholic school”

[@russl6006]

The line driver ad at the beginning was so good holy shit

[@JaseekaRawr]

Hey, Tristan Stiles.. You tattled on me in 5th grade & I didn't get recess that day. Lmao. #Nevarforget

[@adampares9692]

Jaseeka Rawr daaaaaaaaamn

[@HH-gv8mx]

Keisha Martin sucker punched me in the face when I was a freshman in high school. 15yrs later she friend requests me on Facebook. . Still looking like Mike Tyson

[@relic6457]

Never not nevar

[@anne-droid7739]

That's nothing. Billy Ledlow stole a whole bag of piries that my crush had just given me right out of my coat pocket, and to this day I would still cheerfully punch the smirk off his face. It happened in third grade--in 1971.

[@Raynedog00]

Matthew White threw an english book at my face in 7th grade, so I punched him and got called away from my lunch and got detention for defending myself.

[@sgdummy]

I love you Ari! I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.

[@sgdummy]

Is there any way to hear the real version??

[@lemonlimeskull0007]

Ari: " After many long years....finally: *Vengeance* "

[@Peztrumentals]

i thought he said Bittney Spears at first lol

[@TheDrudgenator]

The tradition joke was great , I can’t believe they didn’t think it was funny . Lmao 😂 wrong crowd I guess, buncha softies

[@cornlips7247]

Ari is without a doubt in my top 5 favorite comedians.

[@remydaitch9815]

I love Ari's raw ruthless style! 23 years too late, lol.

[@anthonythagreat5668]

I really like these stories.

[@forestrot666]

Intro is vaguely Aphex Twin's "Come to Daddy"

[@jacksoncota3756]

Ari always has the best in my opinion

[@larry_2000]

Loved the jab at catholicism. (I'm Catholic...but its still funny)

[@larry_2000]

***** lol. What?

[@anotheruser5929]

Larry Jarrins who cares

[@larry_2000]

Not gonna abandon my beliefs. And no one cares. Just wanted to say my opinion 

[@dbrannon323]

Larry Jarrins Ahh, bummer.

[@johnjacob3615]

Dylan Brannon Just wished he didn't drag out the joke until only two people were laughing out of obligation.

[@sawyerbarnes7439]

Miss gardener. Biology teacher. All the kids laughed and cheered when she fell down the stairs and broke her arm. It was actually pretty dark

[@sonacruz907]

I like the Aphex Twin-esque intro.

[@ParadoxdesignsOrg]

all the intros are like HBO movie series quality. Gotta love it!

[@fernandofigueirinhas7110]

fuck yes I was looking for this comment

[@gabrielspencer2713]

I love Ari so much sad how everyone hates him now because he didn't fully think through dosing his friend but I'm not even mad at him for that i think it was cool and everyone was being soo extra yeah it could of maybbee killed him but he wasn't thinking like that he was thinking amazing ass time he will appreciate life more and he did mission success in my book good man Ari good man

[@tre3961]

woot ARI!!!! i love him

[@Stew_Pid]

Replace the beeps with Bernice Weigert and you'll be fine. Not a joke. There was a point when one of the videos of this had kept her name in.

[@crussteasock4047]

Ok, but who cares? Its a stranger

[@elegantpaint2703]

F yeah ive been for three weeks cut out music and. I smile now

[@christophercano8032]

Holy shit, I had a history teacher named Mr. Sager, but he was that one teacher everyone liked. Guy was wierd as all shit, bit of a hipster, but pretty cool.

[@corduroykumquat]

Christopher Cano OK THANK

[@Combo223]

Same here. English\history

[@absenteechild8542]

My Sager also just got fucked with, he taught health and for sex question friday (don't ask me why the fuck that was a thing in middle school health) we asked the wackest shit. My girlfriend at the time deadass asked him "so how does anal feel good"

[@harriso575]

Bring back Ari!!!

[@racoonfaced]

This one was pretty damn funny, I think one of the funniest one along with ralphie's gay wedding

[@tonyakarp]

i rewatch this like once a year and die every time.

[@Xaviur]

1 year anniversary of your comment, how’s your yearly watch?

[@CareyPortnoyBeauford]

Hahaha epic ending, loved it

[@egormc5919]

Ive been watching everything Ari Shaffir this week. Started at Bobby Lee ended up here lol

[@JackRabs]

This teacher actually quit in elementary school lmao. Not my class but one of the classes would clown so hard on him. I was actually nice to himm tho. Lmao he was a good teacher tbh

[@tonywest4819]

okay Ari. youve been gone long enough,..you can come back now.

[@InteractiveIdea]

I thought it was UNCENSORED...

[@EgaTehPro]

haha nicee

[@tituscaesar6960]

Guess they cut that out on TV...Like one time I was at an Army-Navy football game, and they did a halftime dedication to Ronald Reagan's 100th birthday. They talked about how crappy Obama is doing, so I figured that's why it was hidden from home watchers. I know they cut it out because my family was watching from home.

[@PajujuJuelzebub]

they are censoring a name.

[@InteractiveIdea]

Julius Sprouse so its CENSORED then!

[@JieuxArmeni]

No... "censoring" is referenced to the removal of un-PC words n' that. Taking out the name of an non-fictional person has to do with a much greater law of CIVIL LIBERTIES and protecting the person talking from a very viable lawsuit for defamation of character. There is a huge difference. this is not censored.

[@zenrelaxation9940]

I watch theese every night

[@masserphi2534]

I was surprised when i seen this guy was still alive - He used to go by the name "The Amazing Racist" and the things this guy did was unbelievable- I'm just surprised he never got shot

[@CHINEM0RA]

Masser Phi those were skits for a comedy show, they are all actors

[@rumbachumba330]

Masser Phi Oh shit, I was like he looks familiar I didn't remember it was him, The one where he takes his KKK uniform to a black owned dry cleaners was hillarious

[@Emily-kd2zv]

That’s such a good way to handle that though, I actually learned something from this. Think back to when you knew them and decide if you would’ve done it back then.

[@NiijiSunGoddess]

How in the world do you feel obligated to take a stranger somewhere vs your best friend? How weird. 😂 Its a hell no for me!

[@ludmillagutomo]

"not sexually, you guys..this was not catholic school.." omigoooood 😂😂😂

[@kevinscrb]

Joe Rogan brought me here!

[@jacobromero5944]

"I was watching legalization videos yeah it's just a plant "

[@joelvalladares4440]

I loved that he used dwarfs in the intro😂

[@supreetsahu1964]

This is one of his very few clips where he doesn't mention drugs at all.

[@bobbygill9533]

The intros are amazing, almost as good as stories

[@AndrewVelonis]

I'm glad you enjoy them. As for me, I'm grateful to be able to skip past them.

[@AkaFigga]

Fucks yea! A new comedian just got bumped up to my top 5 comedy legends

[@bendoverson2739]

+Don Figga type in amazing racist on KZbin search and you would blow off your head when you see the results

[@mreshadow]

So who got bumped down?

[@jackstraw6880]

Ari Shaffir is awesome

[@phatkatphatkat]

the intro's are the best. that team should do intro's for every single show ever

[@jamesweller9002]

finally a good intro

[@lgnlint]

Man I remember that teacher who everyone fucked with. I feel so bad for him now that I'm older, guy got so much shit for no reason at all.

[@doubledont4949]

Ch0plol some of those teachers were just cock suckers who brought it upon themselves lol

[@mousey3923]

Honestly i would watch a bunch of short films of the intros alone... I.... would... pay for it.

[@yellowdart6666]

haha. its not a catholic school....hilarious.

[@EnjoyerofYoutube]

awesome story. ari is so good.

[@KONAROCK1]

Nice Aphex Twin intro ;)

[@jonathanm8722]

it's not actually aphex twin it's just that the intro is similar to aphex twins video for 'come to daddy'

[@KONAROCK1]

+Jakob Johnson The track is "Run The Jewels" by Run the Jewels.

[@LouisianaAstroRambler]

The beginning of this video reminds me of come to daddy by aphex twin lmao

[@dillonoickle5841]

the name censor made me laugh hard cause if im not mistaken in the first season of this Ari talked about losing his virginity and at first the name was not censored onl youtube and magically one day it was i assume somthing really shitty happend.

[@Dewey210]

The silent hand gesture hahaha

[@themanny1526]

How'd he do that thing with his voice everytime he said her name? That was pretty fuckin awesome, why is no one talking about that?

[@ItzHarley]

I love how he is explaining all this on his knee's

[@crussteasock4047]

He's not. Fuck're u on?

[@ItzHarley]

@@crussteasock4047 Syrup, painkillers, cigarette, weed, Hennessy, vodka I'm on everything

[@ItzHarley]

@@crussteasock4047 I'm surprised you even found my comment with no likes and 2 years ago.. you must be a super fan of mine.. thank you so much

[@ItzHarley]

@@crussteasock4047 lol wow are you being serious I checked out the video because obviously I forgot why I wrote that comment and sure enough he starts a joke on his knees and then starts rambling on.. so the fact you couldn't tell I was talking about that and not the entire video shows 1 of 2 things 1. You did not watch the video. Or 2. You are a Sped.

[@crussteasock4047]

@@ItzHarley but he wasnt on his knees the whole time. "...he explained all this on his knees" is what u said, knobhead

[@emnacstac]

i love this series, but the intro on this episode.... aphex / chris cunningham much?

[@balist0]

Apart from the shockingly crap music

[@nickpower3185]

Ari Shaffir well on his way to being one of the best!!! fucking love This Is Not Happening.

[@rogerwilco1777]

Ari with the mohawk makes him look 20 years younger

[@delfin7461]

OMG, my junior high had the same rule about skirt lengths, if you were kneeling and your hem didn't touch the floor your skirt was too short. Looking back on that I can't believe we didn't think this was wrong, it was embarrassing, but we didn't think it was wrong. And this was a public school!!!

[@gsdpandastorm162]

Imagine he was still bitter after 22 years 😂

[@literoadie3502]

I looked down at the video title after the opening and thought ''For sure I'm not going to see the word 'uncensored''', and then I did....

[@alexshoff688]

Felecia whitehurst?

[@isaacsallee2535]

Ari the true American Sniper

[@discoballsac]

Uncensored but i still can't hear BEEP BEEEPS name...

[@NerdWithADHD]

thats a legal thing..

[@abortionmisfortune5039]

john smith sounds like Pussy Swinger

[@acklahh]

It’s Amy Schumer

[@atomous4373]

Toni Shmony no its not

[@mr.hostetter855]

Is this really the level of stupidity you want to be known for? Really?

[@jessemaxim8201]

It's totally trending HAHA!

[@peronakov7663]

The INTRO...Aphex Twin - Come To Daddy

[@spencerjames5271]

Ari is the best host

[@loganchorney285]

anyone read lips?

[@ELdRiNx]

The Joe Rogan podcast brought me here. Definitely gonna continue This is not Happening 🔥😂

[@g4ljmax]

Bernice weigert

[@marinecombatvet2669]

At least someone else introduced him this time.

[@Chirhopher]

Ari, ur too much; be.. Protestant, be ... Mormon, well No Don't be Mormons. i did cringe when i heard you say Mormon, Naw Bro!

[@ultramindcontrolrealzz8367]

Great comedian not afraid that koby stuff made me look him up where do I buy tickets

[@lysergiinhape]

Oh cmon Ari, you can bash the catholic church all you want(and you should!) but don't then say that judaism is any better. Of course it was a joke, but if the premise or the point is that judaism is not a fucked up oppressing religion where kids are abused all the time it just doesn't work.

[@lysergiinhape]

***** So you're a idiot since you clearly didn't get the point. Not even religious btw...

[@anotheruser5929]

Crack Mayor Extraordinaire why you whining and bitchin like yo momma

[@Najebanski]

***** I heard rabbis eat baby foreskin

[@brianjoseph2303]

Capitalism He's just another sellout, baby-banging, talmud thumping, zionist...You get the picture. Fuck him.

[@brianjoseph2303]

klnpd They cleanse the wound after circumcision with their mouth, because gauze are "unclean." There are literally pictures on jewtube (thumbnails) of them doing this. Which are of course ok to post. Motherfuckers giving newborn babies herpes, and other diseases, yet gauze are unclean. Fucking ridiculous man.

[@michaellemasters7173]

I’m a Catholic and I couldn’t stop laughing 😂😂

[@vaylard9474]

why tho

[@tickticker]

Great story but shitty censoring on a fucking KZbin video.

[@Dazen101]

It wouldnt be right for him to say the person's actual name so trolls can ruin their life.

[@tickticker]

Sean Thompson he wasn't saying her name. I think he was saying "pussy cunt" or something.

[@Jackdks]

"Uncensored" Bleeps a billion fucking times

[@darinblack6771]

Uncensored my ass

[@JacobImwold]

Well they don't want the girls name to be out there for everyone

[@digfire1]

as in cussing, as opposed to privacy.

[@darinblack6771]

I didn't realize he was saying her name in it. I thought he was just calling her a curse word

[@jackallen663]

Hermann TheGerman Ya, it says hide your mom is in extremely mature humor, and stuff you won't want your mom to hear.

[@jeffm3774]

Darin Black you're an idiot

[@jeltako1567]

I have an addiction to "this is not happening" ......

[@malinko35]

whats with all the christian hate lately

[@sparklemotion101]

***** He's trying to be funny and failing. I know he wants to have a reputation for being un-PC and making comments that piss people off, but his anti-Catholic stuff is not not accurate, original or creative... and it doesn't get laughs.

[@irishprice]

Uhm? Might be all thr child rape? Sorry, I meant gay child rape. If it isnt that.. it could also be thr arguing against condoms in aids infested areas?

[@PimpdatSkittle]

sparklemotion101 It’s not much compared to the mass genocide in your bible

[@Gary-pe4ce]

This joke in particular was for catholics more than other christianity

[@shawnlatonya654]

YOU ARE GOING TO GET YOURS!!!.... R.I.P. KOBE

[@Pulpgimp]

Shawn Latonya what’s he gonna get?

[@shawnlatonya654]

@@Pulpgimp .... Karma

[@picturingmylove6652]

I'll give it a 6/10, it was ok, but not very funny.

[@codymonsoon4806]

Jared Greenwald Sir Atrophied Nuts, we understand that it's a story. Did you realize it was a story that deserved 1 minute of attention and had 7 minutes of Jew humor sandwiched in? 6/10 is being nice, this shit was a waste of time.

[@DeathSong619]

Cody Riggle You good sir speak my mind.

[@ToxicallyMasculinelol]

well clearly the majority of the people who watched this disagree with you, so maybe it's your own problem

[@DeathSong619]

*Opinion

[@ChewyThomson]

That is pretty much the story of all his comedy. OK, not great.

[@redbirdsaraceno]

Hahahaha! I love this show ! Almost all the guests/comics are Great ! AND the intros at the start RULE BIG TIME .!!! 👽🖕🏻👾🎶🧟‍♀️🏄🏻‍♂️🤙🏻😂🕺🤖

[@moderndrunkard]

I like the comedy.

[@Jonny2toes1269]

The dude at 4:59 on the left in the back looks so stoned!

[@KayleeGridleyLimitless]

Omg this was making me lol!!

[@jesserodriguez8964]

I felt bad for an 87 year old man who got abused in our history class, but the shit people pulled off was too crazy to not wanna see more! Ppl would throw apples at the board, put rules in his pockets as he passed by and then pull them out. He passed everyone with whatever grade they wanted as well. :^)