Ashens Valentines Special 2024

[@RevJR]

"Kissing the duck's ass" sounds like an old-fashioned crass way of saying the day has gone to absolute bollocks.

[@mannyichi]

It was just a regular all white duck when Ashens took it home..

[@spicybeantofu]

You saying he's a duck butt kisser lol

[@jackieelizabeth8614]

Duckafile

[@jaysonraphaelmurdock8812]

Duckphobic

[@kingslob3422]

It was a black duck before

[@dcflake5645]

I remember in 2006. This man put a piece of tat on his sofa and pointed at it. How far we've come.

[@malegirlboss]

Me too, haha. Proud of him.

[@MrHack4never]

We're all self aware and depressed now

[@Sarah_Grant]

Truly a journey...

[@Jimmy_Jones]

Ever since his 2nd video. I guess the sofa is the reason for the views.

[@jubuttib]

@@Jimmy_JonesWell, he didn't start by putting videos on KZbin, he transitioned to the platform later, so the first two videos here aren't the original uploads. =)

[@AcornElectron]

I like how Tesco has become more Poundland than Poundland itself.

[@scladoffle2472]

New Poundland opened in my town recently, went in and they sell bloody £30 coats and barely anything is a pound 🤣

[@legatenaarifin]

Tat is where the falling angel (Tesco) meets the rising ape (Poundland)

[@AcornElectron]

@@scladoffle2472 😅 sounds about right but when a coat is cheaper at Next than at Poundland you know the economy is f****d.

[@curtisss]

They've always been that way, that's why chef excellence got on the tesco value gin when it all started going wrong for him

[@dumbbirdwayne]

I feel like a lot of supermarkets here in England sell “Poundland-esque” tat, even big names that are more pricey than others sell the same crappy mass produced ornaments and garbage occasion wares 😂

[@eilrahc__]

"Heart-Shaped Glass" was a rejected Nirvana B-side.

[@CatherineDupuis87]

"Oh man, none of the other cups are clean. Guess I'll have to use the Ass Glass."

[@TheyfoundRickGrimes]

😂😂😂

[@OptimusSledge]

Is this not how you're supposed to initiate ass play?

[@jonathanfinan722]

Arse. It’s arse.

[@Wemius61]

"It looks like it's got a bum...or something."

[@OptimusSledge]

@@jonathanfinan722 The arse glarse?

[@wildtamer7635]

I’ve been here for over 10 years. Thanks for the good times Ashens.

[@jono_high]

Nothing like an Ashens Valentine's Day special to remind me how cripplingly alone I am.

[@speed0spank]

You are not alone I am here with you

[@TheVirtuoso883]

​@@speed0spankhow could this be You're not here with me

[@sebp9882]

Alone this year again just like every other year and every other year after that till death. Ahh. Love Ashens humor

[@RegenTonnenEnte]

Thanks for sharing your self-pity, stranger.

[@MisterCasket]

Same here people! I just came home from a singles' night at a bar. Score is 8 beers, 0 conversations. Can't wait for next year!

[@GaaraLover1792]

I think my brain stopped working for a second when he said "Tav" and "Astarion" after I stopped listening for 30 seconds. I was not expecting that one XD

[@EnbyGaemer2005]

I'm watching this whilst waiting for the patch that Larain promised us. I can't escape BG3!

[@AEmeraldEntity]

im here after patch 6- my heart took a god dam screenshot

[@Sirdeathvids]

It took me a second to process that too, but it is clear Ashens has been playing some BG3 lately

[@typacsk]

I sort of tuned it out and assumed he was just making up random names and grievances, until I heard "To G'Kar, from Londo"

[@scladoffle2472]

7:48 someone forgot to delete the 'CHRISTMAS CRACKER' text from the back of the box 🤣

[@acidhelm]

I saw that too, someone needs to be sacked.

[@Dreadjaws]

LMAO. And it's there multiple times. This is how much effort they were willing to put in this stuff.

[@jonothanthrace1530]

I wonder if that's a legal term.

[@Hanaconda_Aquaponics]

😮

[@MichaelBennett1]

I’m calling the police.

[@theotherVLF]

"Go skinny dipping" it says while I stare at the snow falling outside. Sure.

[@gyrran]

i quadruple quack dare you, chicken

[@drunkenhobo8020]

I feel one day in the far future, Ashens videos will be played in museums as a demonstration of the ecological disaster that was the 21st Century.

[@RegenTonnenEnte]

"Go skinny dipping" In February "Go to the ER"

[@TheSmart-CasualGamer]

"Catch Frostbite." "Lose two fingers of your left hand."

[@Psychol-Snooper]

Well, you could always go obese dipping.

[@SteamedHams4Ever]

Die the next day. "No one shows up at your funeral"

[@anononomous]

If it's cold the only realistic option is the local leisure centre.

[@ellaisplotting]

@@anononomous "Get Arrested"

[@dicapriodelorean2888]

Citrus Stapler sounds like a 90s band with one hit song

[@MrDannyDetail]

...and even then it was probably only a hit on the indie chart

[@Fuzzycat16]

"plan a lazy sunday brunch" THERE IS NOTHING LAZY ABOUT A BRUNCH!

[@MarkUpcraft]

Nothing quite reminds me that Stuart is a real, qualified, actual doctor more than seeing his handwriting 😂

[@Pittibarlin]

He has a PhD/doctorate, he's not a doctor. I could legally call myself Dr. as well (I don't - it's beyond pretentious) yet I can't even apply a bandage.

[@kawaiilotus]

​@@Pittibarlinno all Drs have bad handwriting, even the non medical ones.

[@AI_and_I_Lyrics]

​@@kawaiilotusjust the ones that have arms

[@Sleepystitcheskim]

Everytime I go to stay with my long distance boyfriend we binge watch old Ashens videos but tonight we're apart so we watched this in sync from our respective homes. Not the same but still a lot of fun. Includes pencil!!!

[@ashleajon]

I love you, kimby

[@jonathanprice7157]

At least Ashens still has his sofa, that's a life time commitment.

[@kaitlyn__L]

(It’s actually just one small piece of the sofa)

[@VacuumFridge]

As an enthusiastic tea drinker, the line "unlimited cups of tea...so you can spend a lot of time having a pee in the toilet?" gave me a hearty chuckle

[@jadeyxboox]

YES! I was worried we wouldn’t get the tat. Balance has been restored.

[@CaitCatM]

5:00 I feel like Astarion would be far more sarcastic if he was writing an apology note

[@personnel5757]

lol I loved this part XD can't wait for my next playthrough XD

[@benedictrogers1478]

To be fair this is clearly the apology note from when Durge lets him drink their blood.

[@strawbellebelle]

He'd also wax poetic about how his flaws are entirely the fault of him being a queer man, which in BG3 makes him an inherently predatory and evil person. What with the "one of the first things he does in your party is try to metaphorically-rape the player character".

[@michaellee8816]

The true cure for crippling valentines day loneliness - watching poundland tat, makes me happy

[@mgthestrange9098]

Yes, it makes you happy that you don’t have to buy it.

[@clozier304]

2:54 Getting trapped in a box is a standard first date for mimes.

[@AlexRye-sv6no]

To be fair getting in the box is my goal for dates too

[@emery5417]

This healed me ❤️ as long as that brown couch continues to grace my homepage, i know the world is okay

[@Ribeanie]

I like that the last date idea was essentially just "take a hike".

[@acidhelm]

I never thought that I would see a Babylon 5 reference in 2024. Well done, sir.

[@hurgenflerg2133]

They put out a whole cartoon movie a few months ago.

[@DivineFalcon]

@@hurgenflerg2133 It's just so sad that almost all the main actors have gone beyond the Rim.

[@ravenlorans]

LOVE how we hear NO Snap, just a rip. Sometimes, not even that.

[@MizunoKetsuban]

As someone who has not experienced crackers for a long time (if at all tbh) maybe the snaps are more something you feel rather than hear?

[@tncorgi92]

I think his recording software may be self adjusting, any loud, sharp sound gets filtered.

[@thirstyfordoctor609]

The Londo/G'Kar one had me laughing in tears. I know barely enough people who liked or even knew Babylon 5. This made my day a whole lot better. Thank you Ashens 5:33 not even close, but a Geek I am

[@krzbrew]

Add me to the list

[@TLGProduktions]

A rare Babylon 5 reference indeed!

[@MudSluggerBP]

Derek? Babylon 5's a big pile of shit.

[@RhienneC]

It really caught me off guard, but it's brilliant!

[@yelllowtaill22]

There's a hole in your mind

[@k6kaysix675]

Looks like the recycling bin has a Valentine's date with all of this tat!

[@DivineFalcon]

I can just imagine the garbage men on Stuart's route: "Goddamnit, he's been making a video again! Guess that means overtime...and what is that SMELL!?"

[@jaimzag]

having been at Hyperfixation Station for bg3 since the summer, I did a full-on double take up from my sudoku app upon hearing "Tav" and "Astarion" and had to stop and check I wasn't just hearing my obsessions in non-bg3 videos now 😂😂

[@thepoetmackler]

Gotta say, wasn't expecting a BG3 reference in my ashens valentines video

[@Chaos89P]

If it ain't a rubber duck, it's a gonk. I swear there's gonna be Valentine's Day gonka over there in a year or two.

[@anthonybradley1555]

I will be so disappointed if ashens don't do the large Easter gonk from one below this year though £5 is a bit steep for that like that 😅

[@Krystal_latsyrK]

They had Valentine's gonks in the US weirdly enough lol

[@Chaos89P]

@@Krystal_latsyrK Really? I hadn't noticed. Maybe I just don't pay much attention in the seasonal section around Valentine's Day.

[@thebeats69]

Cheers stew I was just about to go to bed. Now I have to stay up and watch you look at some shite my wife frowns at me for looking at when we're shopping thanks to watching you for 17 years.

[@scudwerfer]

i love those specials! need more! cant wait for easter special!!

[@brandonlee5487]

I thought the 'love token' said "have a panic by a river" and was imagining some sort of serial killer scenario of dumping the body of your lover then you hear a noise, hence, panic by a river

[@jane-annarmstrong6562]

I am in Canada a picnic by the river would be a bit chilly right now! 🥶❄️❄️☃️

[@RealBLAlley]

Or your name is SImon

[@vickyharrison84]

Panic! At The River

[@thurayya8905]

Slasher movie title!🔪❤🔪😂

[@samcowell5554]

Panic by a river There sounds like a stupid band that didn’t even get one song

[@mystifiedmargot1970]

The joy of all us sad and lonely singles, sat on their sofas (typically shit brown) crying into a pot noodle on this magical special day for lovers, to alight our tear filled gaze upon an Ashens video 🎉❤ 😂

[@DamagedF0X]

The food dice thing was brilliantly stupid. That was hilarious

[@SilverDawnArrow]

Whoever designed that glass doesn't seem to have considered how someone is supposed to drink from it, generally agreed to be the main function of such an item

[@SteamedHams4Ever]

The straw is your only good option here. You can't sip from it unless you do it like a dog drinks it's water dish

[@XE77Project]

Jet Set Willy reference was a nice touch. Thank You Stuart!

[@GoldenGrego]

"An orange being squeezed onto a stapler" - this could be the best meal ever experienced and most of us will never know.

[@paulevans9307]

4:50 in case we forgot that Ashens is a doctor, we see his handwriting

[@zeanyt2372]

I don't know that.

[@pelleheikki]

"go skinny dipping" it's about 10c in uk and -10c where I am. Even if winter or ice swimming is normal to you (your are as is for mine) that's quite shock in this time of year.

[@Anna81Louise]

I'm sitting here watching this from Queensland, Australia. It is 30 degrees centigrade today!!!!

[@FlyboyHelosim]

"Visit a museum or gallery... or public toilet". LMAO!

[@slackattacks2695]

Here I thought Citrus on a Stapler was a US regional dish, TIL it's a British dish. Thanks 👍

[@LordOfCookies123]

I like the pace you're burning through the loving tat here!

[@ExpendableSith]

No holiday is complete until the Ashens special comes out.

[@pugwall316]

Nothing says Valentines more than glorious Ashens tat!

[@Serenity_Dude_X]

5:28 We've all been there, or who hasn't tried to make up to their significant other after devastating their homeworld and trying to contain the influence of the Shadows?

[@DavyDave1313]

BRO I typed in couch review simon pegg and you popped up OMG I am so happy to rediscover your channel it has been SO MANY YEARS

[@samholdsworth420]

Stuart is MY VALENTINE. Get your own everyone

[@Interference22]

Ok, the Babylon 5 reference got me. "My shoes are too tight but it's okay, I have forgotten how to dance."

[@MDPToaster]

That’s a lot of landfill for Valentine’s Day

[@thurayya8905]

Most of it is recyclable. But not the duck.

[@turokforever007]

True, but most just goes in the ground anyway @@thurayya8905

[@samcowell5554]

Ha ha ha ha ha ha

[@silpheedTandy]

0:50 "BE FRIE" is pronounced "Be Free", as in when you drop your 20 year old friendship and you tell yourself that it's for the better, even though it's all very painful and all you keep bleeding on the jagged edges of your broken heart.

[@Clarissa_Star]

A belated Valentine's Day Birthday Gift for me. Looking forward to it and enjoyed it as always, Ashens!

[@TehSlan]

Not only did they fix "You choose whose boss", they fixed it to the verbatim "Who IS Boss!" that Ashens said instead of "Who's" Brilliant

[@chrisdowns1987]

A genuine double take for the B5 reference. Much appreciated 👌 'This way for hovercraft!' genius 🤣

[@AliFareedMC]

Happy Valentine's Day, Ashens ❤❤

[@toxictrumptube7763]

Well, me sitting here, alone with a bag of chips, watching Ashens‘ Valentines special tells the whole story🤦🏽‍♂️

[@Elwaves2925]

I see no problem there.

[@toxictrumptube7763]

@@Elwaves2925 You’re right..definitely no problem there, but still tells the story.

[@jimsyfool4335]

got ladies lining outside your door i assume?

[@MarquisSmith]

I'm happily married myself. ... swap you for the chips?

[@TheDavidPoole]

Remember kids ... DON'T RIM DUCKS!

[@XYZB0RG]

there goes my plan for the weekend...

[@rebeccah3091]

I am so happy to be single and alone but I still really enjoy this channel showing me what I could be missing out on , apparently its all still crap. 5 years single and not one momment has been me wishing I wasn't. mind you it took 9 years to break free from the relationship i wish i never got into.

[@sharona1981]

Nothing like an Ashens Valentine special to remind me how terminally single I am. 😂

[@techno1561]

The duck seems appropriately traumatised by all the kissing.

[@tncorgi92]

Happy Duckentine's Day.

[@clareriley]

Omg yes your back. Just been getting my ashens fix from old bashens and Barry Lewis chanel. I've missed you. I'll now watch this lol.

[@happycampercasey]

How dare you, Calendars can be "who's" now a days! 😂

[@martheapathycontroller6953]

I’m still not sure what some of the icons on the six sides dice are but glad we can all agree on citrus stapler

[@turokforever007]

One looks like a kebab in a shop window

[@PedroBenolielBonito]

And now we know what Stuart's handwriting looks like.

[@duke1898]

Thanks!

[@ZeeNastee]

The BG3 apology pad sheet - a-mazing

[@louiseed1321]

I am glad I bought my partner a block of Applewood cheese for that day. I think the bum glass would have been appreciated, well I like it anyway.

[@totz_the_plaid9625]

"Citrus Stapler" would be a great name for a psychedelic math-rock band.

[@stepheng8779]

Quite easy to have a picnic by a river these days. The river comes to you 👍

[@becky1992]

🍊+ ✂️ = citrus stapler! The decision die/dice was my favourite part lol😄👍🏻 (yes I know it’s scissors because there’s no stapler emoji 😆)

[@mgthestrange9098]

It reminded me of the decision dice Ashens had made years ago to decide the fate of a piece of tat. I think most of us wished for the fate of fire.

[@becky1992]

@@mgthestrange9098 yes! I remember that!

[@georgeh5075]

This is my first proper valentine's day 🥰 Previously was in an LDR which didn't work out and now this is my first IRL valentine's day 😊 it was really nice

[@skinwalker69420]

The representation of hearts actually comes from the leaves of silphium, which was an ancient Roman aphrodisiac.

[@OblivionSpl]

Ah yes, citrus stapler. A classic valentines meal the share with your loved one.

[@godslaughter]

Getting trapped inside a box together sounds like a cool escape room date idea LMAO

[@Stuntman707]

Happy Valentat day!

[@Donteatacowman]

I've definitely had best friends necklaces like that over the years! Not a rarity if you shop at the tween girl mall stores.

[@Francois_L_7933]

I just loved the skinny dipping suggestion... it's a very useful proposal when you live in Canada and would like to enjoy the thrill of hypothermia😜

[@Jay-ei4cr]

Yooooooo Babylon 5 reference! honestly forget that there are still people out there who've watched a family favorite show that no one else seems to remember/know about

[@DarthPerkins]

Stuart does have Ambassador Londo Molari in his kitchen overseeing his kettle.

[@neildamonjones2956]

Orange squeezed over a stapler provides iron and vitamin c. A very healthy food indeed.

[@scottvincent3062]

Looking down into the heart shaped glass is like the wormhole effects from the tv show Farscape.

[@ellaisplotting]

Weird to see a reference to that, I just started it! The 90s CG is...interesting.

[@necromorti]

- I have PTSD! - Well, I just have the STNDS! *BADUM TSS*

[@MusicBound]

3:30 I literally said "if there's a kiss mark on this ducks ass I'm gonna scream" It's 9:00 pm and my neighbors heard it, thank you ashens

[@Joe90h]

Wait, you're having the big headed hovercraft driver dream too? Oh dear...

[@MrWolfSnack]

3:59 every youtuber needs one of these

[@kaitlyn__L]

“Don’t kiss ducks’ arses”; this is the kind of advice we only get on Ashen’s channel

[@typacsk]

I'm not going to lie; I like the idea of Takeaway Decider Dice. They'd have to make custom ones for different regions, though. No kebab shops in small-town Wyoming (that I know of), but we've got a surprising number of Thai restaurants.

[@ChickpeaBlues]

Now I've got a craving for orange staplers, think I'll order it for dinner

[@CplAnguadaEarth]

Didn’t expect a BG3 crossover on an Ashens tat video, but Astarion has already invaded my KZbin feed in all other respects. Good day to be alone and eat cheap candy!

[@TomGreen99]

I don't care _how_ late Stuart slips it in.

[@fyodoroprichnikbasma]

@09:14 Not orange beinng squeezed onto a stapler, a mushroom cloud on a slope.

[@fostej99]

I love how at 7:48 you can literally see the valentines crackers labelled as 'christmas crackers' 😂

[@Boxygirl96]

0:37 I think their goal was to avoid the issue of one person getting the Best and the other just getting Friend. Which I mean, those things aren’t any fun if they both say the same thing after all and there is something to be had that they only make sense when you’re together. There’s nothing as useless as those ones where you can read the full message with or without your other half there to complete it. Most importantly though is that they remembered to include the N on the second one bcuz otherwise it’d be BeFrien and STDS which would send a very different message

[@darealcaptaindiabetes]

I love these dollar specials! ❤

[@adamoneale4396]

*pound special*

[@blue_jm]

G'Kar to Londo. Perfect. 🤣🤣

[@shadowwar2580]

I can totally see season 1-2 Londo giving that note to G'kar with G'kar than huffing and puffing in a mixture of disgust and anger followed by him running to Sinclair/Sheridan/Ivanova/Garibaldi to demand Londo being removed from the station, preferably through an airlock without a space suit. XD Ah, those two were special and the heart of the series.

[@mattgies]

A grapefruit swingline would really hit the spot right now, actually.

[@Decipher13]

Craving a Kumquat Bostitch myself

[@samuelkirkwood6702]

Get trapped in a box forever, isn't that just an Escape Room gone horribly wrong?