Asian dating in Germany: Lots of culture shocks and surprises.

[@redroseibarahime8755]

In germany we do not focus on the "entertainment" because the real entertainment is spending time with the person you are going out with (and is also the deciding factor which is judged in order to determine if they want a relationship or rather stay friends). The entertainment activities are like spices you can put here and there to spice things up and keep it fresh but there is no point in spicing a main dish up to make it "barely palatable" for you if you are not able to enjoy the main course on it's own in the first place. People in germany are well aware that a relationship consists mostly of the simple(!) day to day time you spend with each other. Entertainment activities are mostly done on weekends - so on average 2 days out of the week. That means the main time will be your "boring" day to day living together. You need to have a person with you that can make you smile over simple things, shares your values and worries and not only be happy when you are enjoying an entertainment activity. That's why one of the big things german women want in a guy is mentioning that he needs to be able to make her laugh and tbh guys want that from their partners as well (bc beauty eventually fades but character stays!). And of course, be accepted for who you are and what you like and not the "fake" person that needs to impress. "Impressing" someone is often seen as fake behaviour because as soon as the novelty of the relationship fades the need for impressing your partner fades as well and if you stop the behaviour it was only done to "get" what you want and then stop - this is not authentic. German people value consistent behaviour - be true to yourself and do not pretend to be someone who you are not, or burden yourself with some fake behaviour that you can not keep up - this is exhausting and will drain your energy with time. The right person that can truly appreciate you will come along and then the love truly feels effortless and will be forever! It is important that love feels "effortless" - this means all the things you go out of your way for your partner do not burden you, but on the contrary, are things you like and WANT to do for your partner because you love them. German people like to fall in love with the real you, so a break up later is less likely. That's why we always say: Just be yourself and enjoy the time together. Of course the young people date differently nowadays - I think social media is a big part in stirring up false expectations for relationships such as "couple goals" or some "stories" they post of expensive events and vacations. Or this whole competitive beauty/wealth competition that encourages people to compare themselves against each other and if you do not live a certain standard or look "hot" you are "poor" and not within the trend. So of course there are people who differ from this view I described above. I have always been like this but a lot of people develope this view only when they get closer to 30 years and have some relationship experience. A lot of people arrive at this view after some failed relationships when they realize what truly matters to sustain a healthy relationship. And some people never get this and whine about their broken or toxic relationship and wonder why they never meet the "right person"... It is a part of growing up which is why in germany a lot of people only start to "settle" by the time they are 30 and the years before are "having fun" and "gain experience" to get to know "what you truly want".

[@ulliulli]

I think the important thing in dating (in Germany) is that people “get along”. What use is it to me if my female counterpart is beautiful but stupid or boring as hell? So walks on the first date are perfect... for both sides. Both can see if they harmonize, are on the same wavelength... and stroll around a bit and look at shop windows if necessary. And if you get hungry, you can go to the bakery or pizzeria, get something tasty and then eat on a park bench and talk. However, if the other person is “exhausting” or just staring at his/her cell phone, you can always say “Well, I'm off now. That was nice... but it's not working out between us” and nobody is disappointed or exposed to ridicule. My best date was with a woman from India I met through mutual friends and they tried to set us up for a date. Neither of us wanted that, but we agreed because our friends were annoying ^^. So we met up so I could show her a very old farm in the middle of Berlin (she wanted to see something unexpected and that was unexpected for her), and we pretent to be annoyed about our “friends” and laughed and told horror stories about them. Then we were hungry, went to a pizzeria, got a pizza to go and ate it on the way... She was already holding on to my arm there. Then we went to a supermarket because she wanted to look for something. We walked through half the department store, made fun of strange fashions and stuff, laughed and at the end of the evening we kissed. That would never have happened if we'd just been sitting in a restaurant ;) On our second date, I cooked for her and she cooked for me. She was a terrible cook, but it was a lot of fun ^^

[@kerstingravel8160]

Thanks for sharing your story!

[@mariusg8824]

You have a razor-sharp mind. It would have never occurred to me to classify differences along the number of dates and who plans the date with which budget in mind, but you are absolutely right. Most of my first dates were long walks, most dates were clearly time-boxed to avoid unnecessary stress. Extending a date is simple, cutting it short is not. Most couples I know stayed many years in a relationship before moving to marriage. I think it's really hard to know yourself, let alone someone else. It takes years to develop a common life plan. But maybe that's just me, because I tend to care more about the future than about the present.

[@stefanmilicevic5322]

It is lamentable that dating culture in Japan places enormous pressure on young women to quickly find a partner and marry before the age of 30. I don't know where this obsession originated, but I do know that Japanese people, in general, are very hardworking and do not need this additional burden placed upon them. I hope there will be a change in attitude toward this unhealthy compulsion. Regardless, thank you for your fascinating insight!

[@mnath4747]

I lived in Germany in the 90’s. I was married to a British guy. In my experience, German blokes tended to have long relationships before chucking girlfriend for younger model! Happened loads of times and strangely enough, when they decided they wanted to have kids. You would think that decision would be based on shared expectations and experiences; not younger girl easily flattered and basically, seduced! I hate the idea of a date being a walk - how cheap can you be?! At least have a meal and a chat and work out if you have anything in common and are attracted to each other! Other thing I’ve noted - not just Germans, just blokes - they’re very happy to immerse themselves in your life; usually around dinner time and before you know it, they have ‘their feet under the table’ (British expression) and more than happy to eat you out of house and home - with the occasional snide comment about how their ex or Mum (usually one and the same) made a dish better or served bigger portions. Aforementioned (ex) British husband always ensured he got the best, biggest bits or if out, suggest swap dishes if mine looked better or basically nick most of it.

[@Oetterchen]

I had the most dating experiences in my teenage years. It never really turned into anything serious or long-lasting until I was 22. Even though I would have liked to have had a girlfriend from a different culture, unfortunately it never happened. I think it's really crazy how much pressure there often is from the family side in Germany and especially on single women when it comes to relationships and children. I'm now over 30 and when I'm at family events, I'm the only topic of conversation. Everyone else in my family is married by their mid-20s and has two children on average. I'm the complete difference.

The YT "magic" presented this video to me. To my surprise, I saw a coaster made of cork with a view from Lisbon on top of your table, the city I lived in and my country. Maybe that was the case ahaha Now, about the content... I really liked your pace and mindset, so I subscribed right away. My life has been spend between Japan and Europe, almost 50% time each year in each country. Since I started this kind of life when I was 21 y.o. I know about this issue on both sides (europe and Japan) and I agree with you almost 100%. Let me just add something: I think the "relationship status" (beeing serious or not clear) depends more on the woman. I mean, if we ask and make clear that we need to know, it either gets serious or ends, but japanese woman (in Japan and abroad) tend to let things without a clear status go further. In general I noticed japanese woman to be more permissive and giving the control of the situation to the men, and european woman are (in general) more keen on taking some control of the situation. Just my p.o.v though. Keep going, all the luck and best wishes.

[@jenswolf904]

👋🏻Interessante Einblicke, leider habe ich keine internationalen Erfahrungen machen dürfen 🤷🏼‍♂️ Man sollte sich die Zeit nehmen sich kennenzulernen, offen und ehrlich zueinander sein und dann sehen was passiert, was andere denken oder wollen spielt keine Rolle. Schönes Video,danke für Deine Mühe 🫰🏻👋🏻

[@MajinOthinus]

7:38 isn't that generally the case? What is the point of a relationship that isn't serious?

[@iFireender]

I think what she meant to say was that in Europe, when you decide to be 'official', you don't fuck around anymore, you see your partner as someone potentially in your life long term. -> You don't get 'official' with someone you've only gone on three dates with, usually, right? Whereas in Japan, (usually) Men are expected to do 告白 to women (essentially 'Willst du mit mir gehen?') before anything really romantic/sexual happens. You don't kiss, you don't hug, you don't have sex before 告白 (usually, of course, 'Ausnahmen bestätigen die Regel'). So the value of 'being official' is a lot smaller, because that basically, at a minimum level, just means you're interested in a person, and want to do the dirty with them.

[@petergrabner624]

You really should put in the recipes your meals look so delicous, I want to cook sth. like that for my date or that potato flesh pan🤤

[@artiranmor]

I dated a woman from Japan while I lived in Berlin. It was extremely challenging as she spoke no german and no english language. Communication was possible only from gestures and mimics. In that time I met my beloved friend and later wife Anna but hosted the Japanese woman for several months as she was in a difficult situation. Communication with her still was challenging. She worked as a cook in Japanese restaurants and there was no need for her to increase her language skills in her job. Language and communication as the base for exchanging thoughts and information is essentiall. I believe there are many different types of people and stereotypes are always problematic. I also dated in Restaurants and while longer walks at nice locations- but I was not experienced in dating. Actually I live in an open relationship / marriage that gives more freedom to each of us. When I date actually I prefer neutral places like good restaurants where it is possible to sit and talk. In a calm atmosphere. As I date actually primarily couples for consensual non-binary bdsm-associated emotional relationship and intimacy among reflected and openminded and highly intelligent people my dating profile may be very different from the one expected usually. Second dates I offer at home with the chance to meet my wife and to explore more facets of each other.

[@MrAelin]

Open marriage wtf cringe

[@artiranmor]

@@MrAelin what a parochial attitude regarding freedom and consensual decisions between people who deeply love each other….

[@robertmaier7025]

I'm happy that your experiences with dating german men have been so positive. It seems you have chosen wisely. 😅 What role do friends and parents play when it comes to love and marriage in japan? Let's say your parents/friends don't like your boyfriend, how likely is it that you would go against their will? And would you agree that japanese women in general are more materialistic compared to german women? Wish you a nice weekend! 😄

[@beatebender]

20 to 30 years ago in Germany the pressure on people to marry before getting 30 was as huge as you told it is in Japan. I think here in Germany our traditions changed a bit sooner. I never had an international relationship, even I was interested, so I am very curious about your experiences, it is very interesting , thanks for sharing your thoughts with us! Domo arigatou

[@ulliulli]

There is still a tradition in some places in Gerrmany that a bachelor who is not married by his 30th birthday has to sweep the church steps until an unmarried woman who is not related to him gives him a kiss (on the cheek)

[@beatebender]

Das weiß ich nur zu gut, ich durfte deshalb auf einer Hochzeit in Niedersachsen mit Holzpantinen tanzen…

[@ulliulli]

@ klingt schmerzhaft

[@sayonarababy335]

That looked delishious and healthy.....reminds me i eat to many instant noodles every day >_> I am too lazy too cook ^_^*

[@jensgoerke3819]

I haven't dated anybody in the strictest meaning, usually I met somebody when out with a group of friends or during some activity, we agreed to meet again, perhaps for some other activity, a visit to a museum, to watch a movie or to have a meal at a restaurant. A relationship isn't always the goal, it can always be a platonic friendship without ever going further. On the other hand it could develop into a non-relationship to a "friend with benefits" without any commitment. Whatever both agree on can happen.

[@strandart3608]

From my piont of view you are clear and you seem to find peace in simple things. It's very grounding to be thankful for what's present in your life.. I'm interested in your culture and would like to travel to Japan 🇯🇵 someday . Thank you for ur insight I personaly can't share a dating experience what so ever 😅