🌿ASMR🌿 My Body Dysmorphic Disorder: How It Started vs. How It’s Going ⚠️CW⚠️ - 100% Soft-Spoken

Content Warning: Suicide; Mental Illness; Body Image, Dysphoria, & Appearance
U.S. Suicide & Crisis Lifeline:
988lifeline.or...
Canada:
talksuicide.ca
U.K.:
www.nhs.uk/men...
Ireland:
www.hse.ie/eng...
Australia:
www.lifeline.o...
…And most countries have their own versions of 24/7 crisis support; so if you live elsewhere, please take a moment to find & save the number in case you or someone you know ever needs it.
International List of Hotlines:
blog.opencouns...
[Filmed 7/28/22]
Hi, Sleepyheads!
Thank you in advance for giving me a little extra grace around how I explain all of this-it’s really hard to put into words!
I hesitate to even talk about things in terms of ‘ugly’ or ‘not ugly’ or ‘pretty,’ except as a jumping-off point for discussing the larger internalized constructs that have undergirded my negative self talk at the height of my dysmorphia.
I also didn’t mean the bit about some celebrities’ plastic surgery not ‘end[ing] up looking great’ as a value judgment on the cosmetic preferences of those individuals, but more as a reference to predatory surgeons and aestheticians whose negligence can create undesired outcomes (i.e. scarring, overfilling, etc.).
Lastly (until something else occurs to me)… sorry this video involved so much pee talk. It surprised me, too.
Oh, and a friendly reminder: please refrain from commenting on my appearance in response to this video, as that is not what it’s about. Plus, even words meant to negate my hallucinations/delusions are still a form of interaction with them, which ultimately does not help me.
Love you all lots, please take care of yourselves & each other!

[@sleepytiredasmr]

So grateful for your content 💗 You’ve become my number one ASMRtist and I so appreciate that you’re willing to share your personal struggles with us. I hope you’re doing so well as of late, Remme!

[@jessica.porter]

I’m sorry to hear that you have struggled with this Remme, but the fact that you feel you are able to talk about it on here is really brave and I appreciate that. Hope you’re keeping well☺️

[@chrisgordon842]

I haven’t heard anyone describe BDD in this way, and it’s really opened my eyes. Thank you so much for sharing!

[@Caitlew]

Rewatching old videos of yours and every time I watch this one I’m so happy for your win and your recovery, yet so bummed to see the way you’ve suffered with your mental illnesses throughout your life. I’ve become much more accepting and acknowledging of my mental illness over the last year and a half, in particular starting medication for my anxiety and depression. I do have a long road ahead though, as I continue to struggle with suspected/undiagnosed ADHD which I’ve struggled with all my life. I appreciate your openness and willingness to talk with us about this. I hope this summer is treating you better than the last. Can’t wait for your next videos

[@r_r_r_r]

As someone with my own combination of mental illness + body-related disorders, here to CELEBRATE YOU and your progress/wins! And if it further contributes to your sense of hopefulness-I'm now 40 and can 100% say that the sustained tender loving care around these things, both inwardly and in community (professional and interpersonal support), continues to pay off, even if there are aspects, like you said, that will likely be present forever. Sending big love!

[@QuietKyASMR]

dear dear remme, thank you for pouring out so much love to us all. after hearing about your agonizing experience i felt so proud of you for filming those underwater scenes. your face lit up with the courage and the joy of it and i’m glad you got to have that moment. anyway, thank YOU for surviving. and thank you for sharing so openly! you are a force ❤

[@sweetsurrender27]

You are absolutely incredible, thank you so much for sharing your personal journey, Remme! I have struggled with my long-term history of mental illness + suicidal ideation for many years too. It hurts my heart that you have endured this fight for so long, but I was just beaming with pride hearing & seeing your underwater clip! Congratulations on that win and all your future progress, too! I don't have BDD, but did have one isolated run-in with it on a psilocybin trip + had a very similar experience to your onset story -- easily the worst few hours of my life. My face was unequivocally different for those hours and I couldn't think of anything else. So, to know that you have battled this illness for YEARS, I am just amazed at your strength. Thank YOU for surviving - I'm glad we're both here to take moments of our lives back! 💛

[@RemmeASMR]

Thank you for this generous, vulnerable share! It means a lot. I’m amazed at YOUR strength in your mental health journey and in particular in dealing with suicidality; I have loved ones who’ve struggled with ideation more deeply than I have, and it hurts just thinking of the hell it’s been for them. And oh, that trip sounds terrible, I’m so sorry that happened! I avoid psychedelics for that exact reason (in spite of what a profound boon they’ve been to so many people I know)-I don’t want to risk a setback from the potential hallucinatory effects, nope, nope, nope, nosiree! Thanks again for all of this. I really love how you say ‘congrats on all your future progress,’ such an encouraging way to put it. Big congrats to you on the same-and here’s to still being here, here’s to taking back moments of our lives… here’s to US!

[@annas4191]

just recently really acknowledging my chronic anxiety and self-esteem struggles. sending you strength.

[@roisinboast]

Remme! I’m looking forward to listening to this 😊 I enjoy hearing you weigh in on societal topics, the way you explain your opinions and experiences is always respectful and engaging🤎🤎

[@MauveASMR]

Thank you for sharing this and helping us understand BDD. I feel like I learned a lot I wouldn’t have known otherwise. Lots of love to you, and also many congratulations for your big step forward! 💜

[@WeirddoughRue]

Mauve it's good to see you, I enjoy your videos

[@RemmeASMR]

Thank you so much, I really appreciate that! Ofc I can only speak for my own experience, but I’m very glad for the space & support to do so. (And I’m extra glad to have found your lovely channel!) ❤️

[@greeengoo]

thank you so much for being so open and sharing i know how difficult that is. thank _you_ for surviving and bringing peace and calm to so many people

[@alexismaclellan9928]

I too experience body dysmorphia, specific to my face. it’s so fucking hard. And the pain it causes me when i am struggling especially, is hard for my family to understand. being able to relate with you just helps me feel so seen.

[@alexismaclellan9928]

after finishing the video, i would love to hear you talk about this more. It’s so therapeutic to hear someone who truly can explain, how unexplainable it can be to others.

[@whispokenasmr]

I listened to this while I was at work and had to stop what I was doing because I was so affected by the story of your pain. Your recounting of your struggles made me just so sad - I’m a silent admirer but have loved your ASMR for a while, so the fact that such an articulate, talented and creative individual like you ever felt that you were ‘wrong’ in some way really, really hurt my heart. I’m so sorry you had to experience what you did but so very glad that you seem to be doing better now.

[@simoneroberts4848]

Can I just say I have never heard something so relatable. My BDD stems a lot from my face particularly my nose and teeth. I remember trying to pull out my tooth that stuck out and looking into surgery options for my nose. And you explained the mirror thing so well. I remember when I looked in the mirror and it looked so alien like etc. You are so strong and amazing thank you for sharing 💖.

[@arnalogytheories4705]

I had a similar experience with my nose. I would fixate on my pores. 😞 It was so bad. Over time I have slowly started to avoid looking close in mirrors because it triggers me. I have to look at myself from a far. It truly is mind consuming and emotionally exhausting.♥️

[@arnalogytheories4705]

I remember the first time BDD reared its head into my life. It was when I was on a road trip with my parents. I caught a glance at the rear view mirror and i got triggered. I remember balling my eyes out and I felt so emotional. My parents were shocked and confused and asked what was wrong. I remember telling them, “I’m just so ugly.” I was 7 years old. I also don’t remember anybody calling me ugly before or making fun of my appearance. It’s been a weird journey, because I physically don’t look unattractive to others, but like you.. I always felt like I looked weird or alien like. I was also told by people that I was crazy or to get over it because I was physically attractive. At that point, not only did I feel dysmorphic… but I also felt ungrateful. Learning about my emotions and how to nurture myself has been such a great tool for me. I’m still learning about myself emotionally. I’m on the road to managing it, at least much better than before. I try to redirect my mental focus when It happens, but it gets worse when I’m not rested well or have a lot on my plate. Stay Strong ✨

[@oscarmora3617]

Thank you for sharing your story and creating awareness. Hope you’re doing well. 🙏🏼

[@connectthedots2763]

You move me remme, always. ❤️ i feel thankful for having seen this. Much love

[@annas4191]

thank you for being so transparent and honest. it is so valued

[@nigellasartre]

I actually love that you make a point of distinguishing BDD from negative body image. I think some people (even some therapists) think they understand what BDD is because everyone has felt ugly at one point or another, but that means not realising truly how handicapping and all-consuming it can be, and how alien our thinking and behaviours can be as well.

[@yancyliu8758]

Thank you very much. Sorry to hear your story. Hope you are well. God bless you

[@cutiepie6790]

I feel you with the body dysmorphia Ive had it all my life but only got diagnosed a year or so ago with delusional type body dysmorphia its tough seeing the world and yourself totally different to how everyone else views sometimes I get so tired from all of this I still long for the day I conquer it ❤️❤️

[@Vexatiox]

Thank you for making this video and sharing. Really important topic!

[@RemmeASMR]

Thank you so much for watching & supporting-it always means a lot, and on this video especially!

[@fatouj1191]

❤❤❤ Congrats on this underwater milestone.

[@analea6430]

I appreciate you sharing your story and providing explanations along with the anecdotes from your childhood and your life. It was informative for me. I’ll be doing my own search for more information regarding BDD but your video was a start for me. I have had the misconception for a long time that BDD was a diagnosis of low self esteem coupled with seeing one’s body as bigger or smaller than it is. This is what I have seen on social media and in conversations with people that have mentioned having BDD. What you have said is very different from what I understood in the past and it helped me see that BDD is more than and different from fitting the beauty standard. I also wanted to mention that the sentience and the social sentience you mentioned was fascinating and something I had never heard of! I study psychology, specifically developmental, and it is amazing to me how much theory is behind it. Anyway, Thankyou as always for being articulate and informative when you story tell ◡̈

[@RemmeASMR]

Thank you so much for the time & thoughtfulness you put into this comment! I think your conception of BDD is a common one, and it may very well be how it manifests for some people (especially those with body image-based ED). I also think a factor that I didn’t explain well in the video is that BDD can be divided into psychotic and non-psychotic variants (a.k.a delusional vs. nondelusional somatoform), which explains why some affected individuals respond well to antipsychotic psychotropics. Meds have never been part of my treatment, though not because I couldn’t potentially have benefited; due to the poor insight that I experienced for a long time (a feature of the delusional subtype), I truly had no idea I had BDD until I was about 19. And even then, I struggled with resistance to the diagnosis for a long time, as opposed to my experience with my OCD, my official diagnosis for which includes ‘good insight’ (i.e. I knew I had it and sought help/relief accordingly)! Anyway, I can only speak from my experience, but even just a few years ago BDD was still couched as a comparatively mysterious, under-researched disorder. Now that it’s referenced more frequently and on more people’s radars, I hope we’ll continue to learn more about it! Thanks again for your response, and thanks for watching. ❤️

[@RemmeASMR]

P.S. Developmental psychology seems like such an interesting area! I think that’s so cool, wishing you the very best in your studies.

[@apocalypto2011]

SWEET

[@ZackyASMR]

Hello Remme! Happy Sunday

[@Ls-wr1cg]

thank u for sharing this

[@andreabrischigliaro5377]

Ciao Remme qual è il tuo talento più speciale per curiosità?

[@WeirddoughRue]

Hi Remmy, Thank you for sharing your story. You are very strong, I feel like you are beautiful inside and out.❤

[@RemmeASMR]

Thank you so much, I really appreciate that-and thanks for watching! 🥰

[@andreabrischigliaro5377]

Ciao Remme tu scrivi con la mano sinistra oppure scrivi con la mano destra per curiosità? ❤️✨

[@swim10]

❤

[@WilhelmSoloveva-hy1dc]

Британський та індонезійський м'ясний рулет і Дубай з найбільшою кількістю солі - турецькі

[@andreabrischigliaro5377]

Ciao Remme come va?

[@jeremywalsh5177]

you look like a disney princess

[@demetranatani2884]

🍀 Promo sm

[@splorticussuii3303]

It's kind of weird. You're the kind of girl that if I saw walking on my campus that would leave me depressed for the rest of the day because of how beautiful you are and how hideous and unworthy I'd feel in comparison. Goes to show you never really can tell what's going on in people's minds, even people who seem to have everything going for them.

[@kimkerr7102]

❤