Autism ASD vs Borderline BPD · Similarities & Differences

"A survey conducted by The National Autistic Society found that compared to males, women and girls were more likely to be misdiagnosed, with 42 percent of females diagnosed with a mental disorder other than autism when first being assessed, as opposed to 30 percent of males."
I've been getting an increasing amount of emails, dm's, and comments from you guys asking for me to make more videos talking about differences with other disorders in comparison to Autism Spectrum Disorder. The desire and need for more videos breaking down these differences are completely valid and definitely much needed--for the statistics of how many women are so commonly misdiagnosed speaks for itself.
In today's video I go into some of the symptoms and traits of Borderline Personality Disorder and Autism Spectrum Disorder. Although Autism is often misdiagnosed with many different types of disorders, I personally found myself being misdiagnosed twice with BPD before finally being diagnosed with Autism.
Although the topic of being misdiagnosed can be a sensitive subject for some people and even elicit scrutiny, I think it's important for people who are seeking answers to combine their knowledge of the different disorders and understanding of themselves to seek a diagnosis that can resonate and actually help them seek the treatment they need. Never be afraid to seek a 2nd, 3rd, 4th, or even 5th opinion if a doctor cannot explain to you why they are diagnosing you with something in a way that makes sense or is accurate to who you know you are. People like to believe those with disorders somehow cannot make their own discernment that's to be trusted, this ideology is harmful and ableist. So please, educate yourself and advocate for yourself!
Videos mentioned in today's episode:
• My Borderline Personal...
• What is Borderline Per...
• What is the Core of Bo...
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Discovering your Masks ADHD & Autism Workbook
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[@novalee4650]

I think the saddest part of all of this is that no matter which one you end up getting diagnosed with you’ll still get no support as an adult.

[@TsukiNoInu93]

‘YoU sHoUlD gRoW oUt Of It, EvErYoNe StRugGlEs’, i thnk everyone with one or both wishes they just could.

[@lowwastehighmelanin]

Yeah...or they'll insist you have the one you've made very clear is not the problem and stop listening. I've given up on diagnosis it's a waste of my time at this point. There's cultural differences going into play as well and there's no providers locally who can do what I need them to. It's exhausting so I just gave up entirely.

[@ErikAdalbertvanNagel]

worst if you have both. having a job is the worst struggle you can have but you have to. we deserve pension.

[@bbjudyfit]

U've never heard of DBT?

[@VanessaChats]

@@lowwastehighmelanin i see you. I'm 45yo woman and have felt like my diagnosis of BPD was wrong ever since I was diagnosed it and the more I've gotten to know the nuances between BPD and ASD. Like yourself it's a struggle to find the right provider locally and my age being a factor I've also given up entirely.

[@invisible__design657]

after i was diagnosed with bpd and then my therapist suggested I could be autistic we went through the criteria and some medical tests and questionnaires (which we filled out together and discussed) and it surprised me how much she had to explain to me (nuances and details) because of the vagueness of the language. I think if I had taken these tests and questionnaires on my own I might have gotten very non-autistic (and therefore not have gotten the diagnostic and support I needed) without her guidance because "you don't keep eye-contact" is NOT the same as "you feel uncomfortable keeping eye contact but you've been told it's important so you work hard to keep eye-contact which then makes you feel exhausted" for example. I would respond no to the first option but YES! DEFINITELY YES! to the second...

[@ashmac87]

I feel the same way about the questionnaires!

[@shoepanda]

This is the problem I keep running into with those assessments.

[@alexadellastella5247]

So true!

[@navenlaben]

BPD is just the best to punch someone in the face

[@ravenm6443]

Oh man, I feel ya on the vagueness! I’m not diagnosed but I find myself relating a lot to many of the female KZbinrs with autism, even with some of the nuanced details. I’m currently diagnosed with bpd traits but I really don’t resonate with the defining characteristics. I feel my diagnosis would be different if the questions weren’t so vague. And only now am I recognizing things I do that I had no idea where part of being autistic. Even my bf has been watching Irene’s videos with me and he’s like “you do this” or “this sounds like you.” I’m now trying to figure out how I can get testing done but I live in a pretty rural state.

[@Linn.Berglund89]

I just want to mention that I think many with Autism can struggle with RSD (Rejection sensitivity Dysphoria) or and Attachment Disorder due to constant rejection/critism/bullying/trauma ❤️ Also that when a relationship ends its not just loosing a relationship, it can also be a feeling of loosing a "caregiver" when you have Autism and dont function well on your own in daily life and maybe needs help in some areas like pay bills, call somewhere etc..

[@emme4478]

You are so right on with this insight.

[@raven4090]

I agree. I know I have RSD, myself.

[@laineykeleher2812]

I agree with this whole heartedly. I think that both can exist simultaneously. You can definitely be autistic with an anxious attachment style due to trauma ❤ and experience rejection sensitivity for the same reasons. Society produces traumatized autistic people, so it can be so difficult to distinguish which is which.

[@RisaPlays]

All of this. Exactly. It's very different.

[@navenlaben]

BPD is just the best to punch someone in the face

[@mariecait]

yay thanks you ! i was diagnosed bpd after suicide attempt. i was a mute the first 10 years of my life (until i got home from school i would scream and run around the house) and diagnosed with adhd. it wasn’t until coworker told me they thought i was autistic which i tossed off at first but a few years later i had my state psych evaluation and was approved for social security disability the first try due to cognitive impairments. so my medicaid sent me to a special needs center and the medical team diagnosed me asd, adhd .

[@Space_Princess]

I have both and personally it is horrible. I have the quiet bpd and i also have c-ptsd on top of it all. it is a huge struggle on a daily basis. constantly having to manage my thought patterns and behaviours so i am not doing anything toxic. I cannot answer the question "Who am i?". it is just blank and its scary because i have a sense of who i am but i dont know who i am. I also love being alone because i get to do what i want to do. however, i always feel this deep void of loneliness and get anxious about not having my favourite people/person around. i am constantly scared i will always get hurt by those closest to me. so i am always on edge around them. its so confusing and hard but with long-term trauma informed therapy i am slowly getting better and learning to be my autistic self without feeling shame and fear.

[@Audreyperson37]

The fear of abandonment is SOOOO difficult to ascertain, because I’ve had so many friendships where they did not want to be friends with me anymore, but never stated it or said it so I never picked up on it & I get anxious with that kind of stuff! And now in therapy, it’s more of a like ‘this person is acting funny, I’m going to be hurt if I’m being conversational and trying to communicate and they are not and I don’t know we aren’t on the same page of our friendship anymore’. Like, I know life goes on and I’ve lost enough friendships and relationships to know it happens, and I know it hurts, but I’m not afraid of it (even though I know it’ll be painful). The worst part for me, is having so many times where I was myself and communicating and not picking up on their clues and just being confused and hurt, which makes parsing the two apart so hard for me 😫😫

[@Audreyperson37]

Also I am a suspecting autistic woman and your channel is amazing I’m so excited to watch your videos I just discovered them all

[@courtkendell]

i relate to this *so fucking much*. like, i'm not fearful of them leaving me. i'm fearful there's something innately "wrong" with me because i seem to miss these social cues/norms when they're finished with the relationship for whatever reason (usually because i'm "weird") and don't want to communicate it with me. this, this, THIS. everything about your comment resonates so hard with me! (i am also a suspecting autistic woman).

[@berserker3414]

@@courtkendell same. If someone decides to leave, fine. Of course, it hurts but it's their decision. What hurts me us thinking there is something wrong with me because a lot of people find me strange

[@bakedeggplant7203]

Feel bad for them. That they don't get the grace from YOUR presence anymore. Edit: a few words

[@navenlaben]

BPD is just the best to punch someone in the face

[@EclecticECD]

I'm Autistic in a relationship with someone with BPD, and actually this clarifies so many fundamental understanding differences between me and him! We get along so well, but our attempts to support the other is usually unintentionally based on our personal experiences not realizing how little that actually helps the other despite our outward expressions being very similar at times. I think I'll make a chart highlighting your points to keep with me to re-reflect on after I listen to this a bazillon more times. Thank you for your content!!

[@lovorka3321]

i was misdiagnosed with bpd, after years of pills that never worked, shame because im sensitive and angry and anxious around people, and so many diagnoses, my friend suggested autism specialist. it is apparently autism plus c ptsd which i think led them to believe i had bpd. plus me always being fully prepared to answer everything and fit it. its terribly uncomfortable telling doctor that you get angry because human looked or talked to you, or that you start to stumble if someone talks. i had situation where i walked with my friend that was very talkative, and it was so tireing i didnt have will to go away. we walked and i started to feel light headed and as if i will faint, i think it was dissociation, like my brain was being bolied so it evaporated. i never talked about these crappy things in my life, i though it will go away with time. apparently being very obeying kid is sign of autism too. i ended up as stereotype and i cant process it. i beleived i can be different but turns out my brain cant be changed, only i can apply changes. i will never be free form sensory overload. i never knew that was a thing. i thought i lived in some fucked up upside down where i would have million of daily struggles but NOONE saw it, excpet for a new friend i made 2 years ago, she is autistic and started to notice things with time. im still not believing my diagnosis.

[@inactive120]

I was never diagnosed with bpd but I'm awaiting an autism diagnosis and have ptsd from childhood trauma so this is very validating to hear, I never identified with the criteria for bpd especially the risk-taking behaviour, I'm the biggest homebody and rarely venture out of my comfort zone unless it's for someone I care for deeply

[@YatJac]

You are one of the most effective communicators on the topic of ASD. Very clear and concise messaging that can be applied. Thank you.

[@ravenspace]

Wholeheartedly second this! Collab with Autism from the Inside Paul Micallef

[@Quasihamster]

I was 16 when I got my Asperger's diagnosis. I've said it often, that was because it was 2003, I was 16 and a suicidal teenage boy with no friends and unusual hobbies. Had I been a girl, I'd have borderline now. The more I read and watch about it, the more I think... that would've been the right diagnosis. Been told a couple of times by caretakers and such that I have astonishing knowledge of humans for an autist, and that strict adherence to rutines like a machine... almost completely foreign to me.

[@poot-poot]

You might be AuDHD (autism and adhd) ASD means you function better with routine but ADHD can make you unable to maintain routines, and routines may also bore you or make you agitated and restless. Also not all autistic people are completely “inept” with social situations, not everybody is as heavily effected in the social part of Autism as you can have better social skills than usual but still struggle in other aspects that are affected by Autism.

[@armadilloalien854]

​@Alexander Mike please don't treat autism with herbs 😅 the heck is wrong with some of you people?

[@circejewel7454]

I was diagnosed w ADHD as a child. Idk if you know about rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD) but once I discovered that symptom is experienced in ADHD ppl, so much made sense. I was told by my PsyD that I have BPD… but like so many things didn’t describe me. The “emptiness.” I dont feel empty ever. I know my beliefs and identity… so why I am afraid of abandonment a lot I think it stems from RSD and having experienced rejection from peers, negative feedback my whole life. I miss social queues! I am impulsive! Emotional dysregulatuion is also found in ADHD ppl. So I feel its ADHD and ASD and my nonbinary clinician overlooked my prev Dx because I am a sex worker and have experienced trauma (before and during sex work) as well as because I am assigned female at birth. :(

[@foodisgoodthatsthetruth3231]

Ooh is your clinician nonbinary or are you? I'm sorry that you've had traumas before and with work :/

[@XDominiqueXFranconX]

My sister got diagnosed with mild BPD, but she’s definitely NOT autistic. She has very unstable, rapidly changing moods, but antidepressants do help her. I have diagnosed autism and can also have mood shifts, but they’re usually as a result of hormonal phases and/or sensory overwhelm. I feel like I did show some borderline traits while I was in college. In terms of risky relationships and behaviors. I kind out outgrew them once in my later twenties, though.

[@Buttondor345]

Thank you for this video. I’m a self suspecting autistic girl I’m so happy you made this video. Many afab people get misdiagnosed with bpd. I struggle with not trusting my own perception of the world and myself, so I am glad I can critically draw out the differences between ASD and BPD. Thank you for such a thorough and well made video. Also the sensory differences of AsD is nowhere in BPD which makes me believe even more that I’m probably autistic.

[@PrettyRubbish]

This video was very helpful so thank you. I've been diagnosed with BPD since I was 18, and while I do exhibit a lot of the symptoms (fear of abandonment, emotional dysregulation, $uicide and self harm attempts, risk taking behaviors and painful relationships, strong recognition of other people's body language and facial expressions) I also exhibit a lot of the symptoms of ADHD/autism (inability to complete tasks unless I'm specifically interested in the subject matter, highly specified interests, difficulty making friends or understanding social cues, being overly blunt or literal sometimes disorganization, hyperactivity, sensory overload, can only pay attention to people talking to me and retain that information if im doing something that interests me, like doodling, cant make eye contact with peiple without feeling a deep sense of discomfort unless they are someone i know well...). So I'm not sure if I may be have both, or if I'm just ADHD/autistic and have some borderline tendencies. I do have a fear of abandonment, but that's always been because it's hard for me to make friends/relationships, so when someone I really like comes into my life, they become my Favorite Person. I don't want them to leave, because the thought of finding someone new and having to go through the exhausting and quite frankly awkward social processes of finding someone who can vibe with my weirdness terrifies me. And also like you mentioned in the video. All the plans I made with that person, all the shows podcasts and comics I shared with them, All the fun times we had... They become a routine in your life and once that routine is broken it's chaos. So when people leave I'm devastated. If I try to harm myself, it's not because I'm trying to get back at them or manipulate them into staying, it's because I genuinely feel like I don't want to continue living without that person in my life. It's less about how they feel and more about how I feel. Unlike most borderlines I have a very strong sense of self, that I do not mask around other people either. I may not be AS weird when I'm at work as I am around friends, but I know my interests, my beliefs and my convictions and morals, and they have remained mostly the same since becoming an adult. And I don't hide them either. When people ask I'm very forthcoming. People coming into my life may influence certain things, spark new interests or beliefs, no one is immune from that, but my core beliefs have never changed. I'm constantly torn between feeling lonely and like I want people around, to being independent and craving my alone time. I only have a limited battery for social interaction before I want to be left alone, but I do crave interaction with people all the same, especially if I currently have a Favorite Person. So idk. I check the boxes of both disorders pretty heavily and at this point I have no idea what to think.

[@guesswho5790]

All of them could co-occur! The main thing is to adapt the therapy to your specific needs. A diagnosis is only good for getting the proper treatment. If you struggle with bpd-like symptoms dbt and CBT will do wonders!!! And all you have to do is adapt your life to the idiosincrasies of your neurodivergence. I struggle with light sensitivity sometimes so sunglasses are a must for me! You do you and make your life as comfortable as you deserve it to be ❤

[@jackelinesierra1342]

I have the exact same struggles so reading your comment was extremely validating. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing, it's like we are the same person! I hope this comment also validates your experiences and feelings-- you're not alone. I just hope we are both able to get the help we need

[@Ozubura]

Also, to add to the nuance of the abandonment conversation: it's not that you fear they are abandoning you, but rather you are so confused on how you were unable to interpret nor communicate effectively enough in the relationship to such an extent (questioning your judgement and ability to perceive interactions in general) that it makes you practically instant meltdown, especially for example you could become homeless, etc, which that huge of a change plus having to deal with C-PTSD on top of having to interact with people if you are financially dependent on the person. The autistic person, if legitimately feels that overwhelmed to say that to someone, would immediately seek a therapist/case worker to help them transition. We tend to also forget that whether BPD or ASD, there are situations that even a mentally "healthy" neurotypical person could react in a similar fashion when you mix in C-PTSD. Life is hard enough as it is before adversity and intersectionality are brought into the equation, which will exponentially increase the difficulty to the breaking point. I can't speak on terms of race, but from experiences of non-binary and LGBTQ+, we get grouped as well under BPD when medical professionals aren't trained to treat marginalized groups as they do not understand how much neurodivergent minorities have to mask, especially when camouflaging and masking are absolutely necessary for survival.

[@wrenofthetrees9666]

I completely agree with what you said about professionals being unable to overlook trauma as the source of all of someone’s issues. I once had a psychologist keep insisting all of my issues were caused by a traumatic event that didn’t take place until I was seven when the issues I was discussing had been present since infancy.

[@peakdelvalle197]

Thank you for this. I'm not diagnosed, but others struggling to understand my behavior have accused me of being borderline, autistic and bipolar at various times, and there are definitely value judgements associated with each of those armchair diagnoses that makes relating to any of them a bit scary. This destigmatizes it to an extent, and just lays out the differences which is so helpful

[@LizzzzzLuLu314]

I was bullied for the silliest things. One girl turned the cafeteria against me because my toenails were too long. I had a chocolate covered ice cream bar thrown at my head by an underclassman. I had no data to justify this mistreatment. I just thought I was hated. Also, I was the first to stand up for others being bullied. With my heart racing, my voice cracking and hands shaking. Few words came out of my mouth (although I had a very clever and well versed response). My stance was understood, but only diminished the positive perspective of me by my peers. The emotion is real.

[@Say_yo_jay]

here's something I've personally noticed that overlaps when it comes to break ups: A person with BPD in a toxic relationship might find it so hard to go through a break up because he/she feels like the partner is a part of them (object relations). A reason that makes it almost impossible to let go and move on with your life. (that's what I've heard and at that time made me wonder if I'm BPD, but now I'm sure I'm not) It resonated a lot with me since my ex boyfriend was the only one I could go out with and ever feel like "being as close to truly myself as I could be in public". That's essentially what I fell in love with: myself when I was around him & not masking so hard when I'm in public because he created this sort of safe space for me while I was in his presence. Learning more about autism this makes so much more sense now. Thank you for the amazing content.

[@ninabrisa]

I'm getting my diagnosis right now (for ASD) and they sent me the BPD tests (TO TAKE AT HOME, ALONE) this video was SO HELPFUL, my alexithymia made me think maybe I could actually have BPD symptoms... now I'm sure I'm on the right track, it's really ASD. Thank you SO MUCH, this video is super detailed, it's exactly what I needed!!! ♥♥♥♥♥

[@vivikyue]

this video definitely helped me rule out BPD as a possibility for me. I’ve considered it before, as a point of caution since i felt like i was too zoned in on the possibility of autism regarding my social difficulties, but hearing all the symptoms explained really cements the fact that BPD is not the case for me. I’m still unsure about whether or not I have autism, I’ve been researching for years and I’m at the point where I really need to see a medical professional because I’ve pretty much gathered all the information I can. At this point i’m just slipping into insanity wondering if i’m behaving autistically or not all the time, and that old feeling of hearing autism symptoms described for the first time and having everything suddenly click is so distant, I feel like I’ve exhausted by ability to discern by disabled status, and now I really need outside perspectives. Only issue is, I know my parents will not take so kindly to the idea and i’m likely going to have to convince them to give up any preconceived notions before i can rely on them to give an accurate witness testimony to possible childhood symptoms i don’t remember.

[@piggregious4986]

I considered BPD after sequences of intense falling outs with some friends since I would callously avoid, detach, obsess, and idealize them, and immediately self-sabatoge whenever I needed to take accountability . Two platonic relationships were unstable, and I'd go from rigid romanticism to homicidal urges within the hour, triggered or not. Here's the thing Emotional numbness and suicidal ideations began when I was either 15 or 16, becoming progressively worse despite treatment. 19 was the explosion my mother had been anxiously anticipating. My mother and father, despite their intelligence and robustness, failed to properly assess the fullness of my ailments; I do not blame them, as information about my condition (AuDHD) wasn't public conscious. My moods fluctuated excessively from sensory overload and social difficulties, not realized or perceived relationship drama. I considered many things. Bipolar disorders, personality disorders, etc. I was already diagnosed with Autism at four, yet I knew something was missing. My ADHD diagnosis after a traumatic event was the "AHA!" moment I needed. This conversation is too intricate and complex for a KZbin comment. I'm not an expert, and not every psychological deficiency is a mental, personality, or mood disorder. Before you seek medical assistance, please be honest with yourself. Evaluate your life holistically, and support yourself. Diet and circadian rhythms are severely impactful for brain development; your "symptoms" could be vitamin deficiencies or even sleep disturbances. What may look like "Bipolar" or "borderline" could be a nutrient issue or even a PTSD/CPTSD situation. Again, this is also complex as people aren't stereotypes and everyone's lifestyle is different. Don't trap yourself into thinking that medical advice always has your best interest. Always seek support from multiple sources that aren't just therapeutic or psychiatric. Coaching could be a solid investment for you.

[@kaileymaccari8993]

Oh my goodness… I literally think I have both 😮 I got diagnosed with ADHD late last year. Once I started learning about what that meant, I came to learn and know about BPD and ASD, and I’m convinced I have all three. It was something you said in the video about ASD and ADHD, about how once you medicated your ADHD, you got to know your autistic side better, and another lightbulb went off! I think Ive been ASD/ADHD but high functioning (only on the outside.. inside I was a mess) and then from my trauma I developed BPD and things just got worse from there. So like the BPD developed as a trauma response. Thank you for these videos, these help so much on my quest to finally understand myself.💚💚💚💚💚

[@rivershannon5803]

I am in the exact same process as you right now! I've only ever gotten a BPD diagnosis but I am most certainly ADHD and the deeper I research the more ASD is resonating also. It's difficult to know because I've always been so high masking even to myself. I would love to chat to you about our experiences to gather more insight if you would also like? Please feel free to inbox me. Much love to you on this journey sister💓 Also... It's been 6 months since your comment so I believe you will have found much more insight into yourself!🙌

[@leilarm73]

This is EXACTLY what i experienced! I had epilepsy all my life, i was abused and had cptsd and at 12 was diagnosed with bpd my mother tried to tell the Dr's they were wrong all my life i have lived mis-diagnosed, I am now 49 and my neurology team has only recently disagnosed me correctly now instead of seeing a counselor through a mental health provider I see one through my level 4 neurology center.

[@danssaddimple9133]

thank you for such an informative video! i'm an autistic woman who was (almost) misdiagnosed with bpd but i was too young at the time to be diagnosed with a personality disorder. couple of years later i found out about asd and brought it up to my psychotherapist. i probably wouldn't be diagnosed to this day if it wasn't for my own suspicion for autism🙄

[@armadilloalien854]

​@Alexander Mike Stop spamming bullshit in people's threads.

[@v_bunny]

i was diagnosed with BPD a while ago after struggling with it for years, and then just recently diagnosed also with ASD at age 20. i’m now starting to see how much of a bad combo it’s been for me, and i’m so glad i’ve been working on myself far before i got these diagnoses. thank you for this video!

[@SharoFlores85]

I was diagnosed with BPD, but i feel like I have many ASD characteristics. A lot of them overlap. But you made wonder about being alone at home, yes, I did struggle with my breakups, but I'm extremely happy being at home by myself. Great video!! ❤️

[@kajielin4354]

I am autistic and was misdiagnosed with BPD at first, and I've had the "threatening self harm" issue before, but for slightly different reasons. I've had this friend, and he said I should tell him when I feel like doing *that*. So after a fight we've had I told him I was feeling like it. My thoughts back then were just "oh! this is the situation! I should tell him, he said I should!", but to him it felt manipulative and like I was threatening him with that. Which seems obvious to me now aswell, that he would read it this way, but in the situation I was just trying to follow an established protocoll and did not mean it as a threat at all!

[@kphoria1009]

i totally understand you

[@MM-zs7rp]

I’m so confused. My mom decided I was borderline in my teens and I just grabbed on to it so it’s hard to pull apart what I put on myself and what’s always been there. My daughter is almost three and nonspeaking, insanely sensory seeking and most likely level three ASD and it’s making me question things constantly. I *think* that I’ve always known who I am but it was best into me so hard (mentally/emotionally but not physically) that I was “wrong” or “broken” so I think that made me not know who I was purely because I didn’t WANT to be me. I was wrong. So I needed a new me but didn’t know how, which manifested as a sense of emptiness and not knowing myself looking like a borderline and I was told I was so wrong no one would ever want me around which in my mind became a fear of abandonment. My sensory issues have always been obvious but I was told they were willful and me choosing to be difficult. Then I have sensory meltdowns that I was told were borderline explosions. Wow. Thank you. Seriously ❤

[@sarahcouture24]

I'm glad you mentioned that It's a good idea to have an idea of what you might have before you go into seeing a professional so that you can tell them if it doesn't resonate. Misdiagnosis is so freaking common and it's important to take your mental health advocacy into your own hands by learning on your own I think.

[@zametal.]

in the beginning of this video I identified so strongly with the autism experience. But I felt so hurt when it came to the "if you are extroverted, that is bpd, not autism" or how being home alone is supposed to be awesome and I am not supposed to miss the company of people around me, if I was autistic. I feel so strongly that I am most likely on the spectrum. So now I am really confused again because I really feel like I need other people because I do not feel that life without others is very fulfilling to me. e.g. I recently went through a breakup and my former partner moved out. I felt relieved not to have to shape my life around my ex partner anymore, even though I do still love them and also the breakup came as a surprise to me and I was hurt by it. However, no matter how much lighter I feel without the perceived obligation to support and help them to an extend of draining my resources, leaving me unable to care for/about anything else.. Now that I have nothing in my life that gives me an "automatic" regular social interaction, I find that I have a great need of organizing other opportunities for socializing. Maybe it is because I do have no other stabilizing factors in my life, currently, but I also remember not enjoying being without social contact as a kid, when there was the summer break at school, and therefore I was left without my social routines. I guess I found it hurtful to hear it from you, because I had related so strongly to the autistic experience you were describing in other videos, for one; but also because I was trying to get help at a clinic recently, because I am struggling with what I thought might be autistic burn-out; only to (in my perception) be bullied out of the clinic by the doctor who seemed to be convinced, for some reason, that I have "some personality disorder" (without even being explicit or specific about why he believes that to be the case, or which one he thought of). He didn't seem to listen to me at all and just cherry-picked any sign of me being "unstable" and I felt very misunderstood. The same doctor (I read then in his letter) excludes autism as a dx for me; saying that he could do that from "clinical observation" and that I had been social with other patients and showed empathy towards them. That statement is just infuriating to me, because obviously autism doesn't mean that a person isn't able to socialize or show empathy. Especially when seeing how others are mistreated by a careless doctor. I realize I am much more open to listen to your opinion than that doctor's, because he didn't seem to know a lot about autism at all, and also seemed to be very derogatory towards me and anybody who is currently without work. Sorry for venting over here, I notice that this is probably not relevant to you, actually. I want to conclude that I take away as the most helpful point (for me), that I can get other professional's opinions and that one or two doctor's opinion being (potentially) wrong doesn't need to discourage me from trying to get help with my struggles. But also that, if a person reads this, who also is extroverted and thinks that they might be on the spectrum, maybe that part of this video wasn't necessarily true for our experience, but we can still try to figure it out. Don't be discouraged either, since also all experiences are unique! 💛🤍❤‍🩹💜🖤

[@vickyparramore3889]

This has been super helpful. But remember than people may have both and bpd. I am diagnosed bpd and waiting and assessment. I know lots of people from personality disorder centre who have then got diagnosed as and too. But it's really helpful to see similarities and differences. I am well from my bpd now too.

[@jbird-sweets]

TW: Self-harm I think an important distinction for BPD vs Autistic self-injurious behaviors is also importantly intent - not perceived intent but actual intent - and you have to both be honest with yourself and trust yourself when assessing these motivations. As a late-diagnosed autistic woman with a history of self-harm, my past engagement in that behavior was because of tremendous difficulties with emotional regulation. While a dangerous and highly detrimental coping strategy, I found it grounding during meltdowns and as I was undiagnosed, I had no other tools. While these behaviors were never ever aimed at controlling others, the people around me (including doctors) always saw my self-harm as a tactic of control of others when in reality it was exclusively a means of self-regulation when I was in my darkest moments. This perception of self-harm as intrinsically manipulative led to a misdiagnosis of borderline when I was a teenager, which was very quickly proven inaccurate after a formal neuro-psych evaluation.

[@sadiegolding9416]

Heyy I have bpd and I used to self harm to self regulate as well, it sort of irritates me that ppl have the misconception that self harm in bpd is always manipulative, it is for some, but not all. From what I’ve learnt the suicidal ideation and self harm urges come mainly from poor impulse control and wanting to regulate and make the emotional outburst more manageable most of the time :))

[@roysmith7087]

I have abandonment anger. My father killed himself on the porch. My mother died while I was in prison. I've been divorced 3 times. And cheated on by another that I didn't marry. I've never gotten to see any of my children grow up. I'm genuinely angry about it. And I live alone. I've been left so many times I just don't care anymore. Or maybe I do because I'm so angry about it. Maybe I care about so much I can't get past it. I don't get those years back. I totally understand what you are saying about some of these things. Others, I get on the information level. Sometimes I connect deeply and other times I just hear what you are saying about your experience with this type of thing. I'm not sure what I feel. Kinda blank. Like when relatives die and I don't feel anything. I feel bad for not feeling like everyone else. I'm just there to see the body before they bury it or burn it and go home. I know I am capable of feeling deeply about things, but death is not one of those things. Losing my father made me mad that he would leave this as an example for my children. Shooting himself on the front porch like that. Mom died of cancer some years later. I don't feel anything about it for either of them. I loved my parents and yet it's like they joined the life cycle ending, and begin the next phase of existence. This body is just dust that God lifted into the human form and put the breath of life into. Take away the spirit, and it's just a flesh puppet, and falls back to the earth where it came from. This is how I see death. This is just a shell around the spirit that gives us human form and limits.

[@darcio90]

The internet at large has led me to start considering an asd diagnosis over a bpd diagnosis that I received when I was 25. The last point you made about the emotionality of empathizing. I've been told I am a robot with no feelings, but then in the same breath I'm overly sensitive and what I am understanding could be autistic meltdown. It has been really interesting to listen to different perspectives on how the symptoms overlap, because truly I knew that I experienced the traits of bpd. I just never resonated with the thought process that felt like was projected onto me as if they knew my intentions. Especially when I didn't consider them to be my intentions. It felt like I didn't know my own brain and was told that someone needed to tell me what I was actually thinking. It was a strange experience, but because it felt like medical gaslighting I didn't really accept the diagnosis and focused on improving symptoms of anxiety and depression that I experienced. That's a lot, but your video was very interesting.

[@Yourenotalonefriend]

This is a HIGHLY informative video, definitely watch it. pro tip though- set the speed of play between 1.5x and 2x, depending on which you like more. She talks pretty slowly, but more pronounced is the amount of "extra" information thats essentially what she already told us just said a slightly different way. gr8 vid tho!!

[@alexadellastella5247]

such a great video! I actually self diagnosed myself as quiet borderline before being diagnosed autistic and I also self diagnosed myself as autistic before getting formal official diagnosis from a professional.... I was in such a mess inside and was scared to be judged by a professional who would judge my symptoms without going down to the reasons why! and I was afraid to become mutic and camouflage in front of the professional... and symptoms seem to be similar in surface but the reasons underneath are so different. And it's especially diffisult when a female autistic person has been abused cos everything overlaps I feel. Thank you!

[@alexadellastella5247]

I relate to each word you have written! Thanks

[@kentykent4947]

I wasn't confused about ASD and never thought I had BPD but this was informative and your voice is very calming. Thanks for the upload even if I only saw it a couple year after being uploaded.

[@mariyaaravina3973]

Dear Irene, this is probably the greatest video I’ve watched on KZbin about this topic! It is so clear and detailed! After I watched it I was able to finally realise the differences and think that I probably do not have a BPD that my psychiatrist attributes to me and to start researching autism in more depth. And what a relief it was to discover that it was autism that answered all my questions about myself! I will be looking for a formal diagnosis, but at the moment I am absolutely certain that I am autistic and it gives me so much hope and faith in the future! All thanks to your videos and especially this one, which is where it all started for me! Thank you for what you do! Your work is priceless! Warm hugs from Berlin ❤️

[@brainapologist]

objectively, this was a great video. without using any emotion, i found it incredibly informative, descriptive, and easy to understand. i want to stress how good i think this video was, because subjectively, it made me feel even more estranged from both groups. and this is where i get really vulnerable. my traits seem to be indicative of both disorders. my therapist didn't think i was autistic at first, but she does now (i think? i can't really tell). none of my teachers or doctors thought i was autistic as a child (for context, i'm a BIPOC and AFAB). but my mom has stories of me throwing tantrums because i was overwhelmed by the texture of clothes. i have a distinct memory of reciting an ENTIRE chapter of Junie B. Jones in first grade (on the toilet, no less). from a young age, grammar and literature were some of my favorite things. i corrected my mom with her spelling and grammar all the time as a kid because i couldn't stand the incorrect usage of words. but i also had an abusive childhood, and always struggled with emotional dysregulation (including SI/SH), separation anxiety, and identity issues. and after i started homeschool because i kept having panic attacks in the bathroom, things changed. i feel like i became a little closer to myself. for the first time, at 14 years old, i realized i wasn't the people i hung around with. and i realized who i was is extremely introverted and only wanted to talk and learn about the things i was especially interested in (i'm still like this). to this day, i still don't know exactly who i am. i've had ECT (electroconvulsive therapy), rTMS (repetitive transcranial magnetic stimulation), spravato (literally ketamine), and those kinds of treatments change a kid. when i got a neuropsych eval this year, i got diagnosed with a memory disorder that i think is correlated to the extensive treatments i had before i was 18. i've also been to so many inpatient facilities and even residential treatment, and none of them have helped because i was too frightened and overwhelmed by the loud noises and all the people i had to be around (as well as being away from home, the temperature, and the other sensory experiences that entailed). i've been on a cocktail of medications for depression, anxiety, and OCD since i was 13. i was diagnosed with BPD and ADHD at 17, along with a slew of other mental illnesses. but this last january, at 20 years old, i got diagnosed with ASD. did i get misdiagnosed? or am i an autistic person that's incredibly out of touch with themselves and also has BPD? (these are rhetorical questions. you don't have to answer them). since then, i've been trying (and struggling) to unmask and really dig into the "who am i?" question. idk this video made me have a lot of thoughts so it counts as a piece of art to me. incredible video!

[@lucifernandez1859]

Alright, firstly the work you are doing to bring awareness to the complexity of diagnosis is amazing. It’s seems that many of us agree there are gray areas with overlapping symptoms and not enough research. With that said, your description of the behavior experiences for ASD, were honestly very similar to my experience as a high functioning BP. For example being alone is a great relief regardless of how easily I will want to forget that and become close with someone that feels safe, and re creating an unstable attachment. We know who we are and also feel afraid to be ourselves, cause we are eff’d up and no one gets us. I also think as a middle aged BP the KZbinr whose recovery story you shared was sweet but wishful thinking. Our emotional regulation can be well maintained, and stabilized for extended periods, but 2 years is too soon to call it. Depending on the circumstances and stability of one’s life BPD is not curable only treatable. She even said “sometimes i forget I’m a BPD” that Can actually be how we fall back into disorder. Because something changes we think we are cured but the emotional regulation issues can only be managed with routine and stability. I tell myself when I think I’m better, like an addict, I am not cured, I will live with this the rest of my life, there is no prescription medication for this, I have to work on my behavior and reactions for the rest of my life. What I realized from your video is that BPD could easily be on the spectrum. We definately use reasoning to understand what people are feeling, obsess until we understand, cause we don’t understand others in relation to ourselves. We only see black or white. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been explained what the in between means but still don’t get it. At least in a Quiet or high functioning BP there are a lot of similarities. They don’t seperate someone verbal and non verbal with ASD so why would the only relevant difference I see between ASD and BPD be different? ASD struggle to identify with the emotions of others and BPD are hyper focused on identifying with them. (We also are not significantly successful at it tbh) Keep up the great work!! Thanks for the meaningful content.

[@guesswho5790]

Very interesting comment. There is a study (inconclusive due to such a small group of people), that compared the sistematization processes in ASD and BPD people. Result!! BPD sistemize just as well as autistics do. Something you alluded to in your thesis. And from personal experience I can CLEARLY see how I do this with people, the black and white thinking, for example. "Oh! They were nice to me, they are so nice! Oh no! They were mean to me!! They suck!!" we tend to draw overall conclusions about someone from one specific interaction. Just like with my emotions. Just because I feel like it, doesn't mean I AM it, you know? Anyway, the way I counteract this is basic CBT. Rationalizing these thoughts and conclusions. As if I were talking to a child "now, now, they're not ALL bad! Remember how they...". Basically, knowing this is how my brain operates I just remind myself not to jump to conclusions too quickly. Tbh, I think we are just hypersensitive and tend to sistemize everything. That's why most of us have been told" how sensitive we are" as children. Or that we must control our temper, buy never explain how. Our emotions are so much more intense and nobody tells us how to manage that frustration. Furthermore, the only reason, like you said, that we must stay on top of these things is because it is what we have learned. It is our automatic response, a go-to. Thereby making it really hard at times to make the right decisions for ourselves. I wish the best of luck to you ❤ Edit: I wanted to add one more thing (sorry this is getting SO long). I think in all these videos and journeys there is a point where the diagnosis becomes a harmful label. We must only obsess with the diagnosis until we get the proper treatment. And focus on treating the symptoms from here on out. If we tend to sistemize, it is especially harmful to us to identify too much with the bpd label. Let's just be kind to ourselves and do right by us. Focus on the treatment on a very specific case basis. I have this pattern of behavior, I get stressed when facing deadlines, therefore I must beware not to lash out at those I love, etc. We can do this!!!

[@neptunesister]

This video was amazing to watch and completely articulated to me the journey I've been on trying to figure out what's been going on for me my whole life. The only thing I wanna say is that at the end you say Autistic people likely go home at the end of the day and are happy to be alone with themselves. I've finally gotten back to that place but for a while that was not the case because I was masking and bending over backwards so heavily that when I was alone all I had was a kind of cognitive dissonance, exhaustion, and shame. After working to remove myself from people who would shame or project on me for my Autistic tendencies I find that I can go home and be in peace with myself again

[@aurora_vibrations]

Awh, I love your channel and am so glad I found it!💖 I was diagnosed with major depression, general anxiety, and social anxiety at a young age but about a year and a half ago I came across a list of female ASD traits. Ever since, I have not been able to get it off my mind and am in the process of creating a binder with documentation of all the reasons I think I might be in preparation for an assessment. My biggest fear though is dropping hundreds of dollars to only be misdiagnosed with something like BPD. I went to therapy for years, tried hypnotherapy, and have been on several different antidepressants/antianxiety meds but have always felt like something else was going on, I couldn't put my finger on it. Your videos have helped me so much and I would love to hear about the similarities about ASD and ADHD. I suspect I may also have the inattentive form of ADHD however, I presented many signs of the hyperactive type in my younger years. Thank you for all that you do Irene!💕

[@1281bexta]

Wow this is quite relatable to my existence. I don’t know how much research you’ve done, plus I’m an overachiever when it comes to helping people out so I’ll throw my 5c in and it’ll either be new info for you or already researched. You said you fear a bpd misdiagnosis. I’ve found through what others have stated as well as my own experience/understanding, bpd seems to come from trauma for myself my mother has it (she won’t acknowledge it though) and it’s been indoctrinated in my upbringing. Added with the fact my mother favoured my brother (we both agree on that), she shitcanned my father when they split (I was 6-7) who I completely idolised. My teens I was always used by ‘friends’ coz I was to nice and gullible (I legit just treat people how I want to be treated and still do but I got stiffed enough to have learnt the warning signs) (Sorry went into ramble) Basically bpd is external and asd in biological. For myself it’s what I’ve always known so I doubt I’ll ever be free of bpd I do manage it significantly better than how I used to be. (Which honestly is just being able to control the outward display of emotion, bottle that witch up.. 🤷‍♀️) One of my maternal cousins has asd my paternal cousin had a very intense case of adhd so much so that every other kid in the family seemed ok. He passed away from a heart attack at 36 (was one of the healthiest people I knew) but had been on adhd meds since he was about 4-5yr… Wow this is a ramble (sorry) Any time you think something and say that’s not normal, write it down. Like a diary (which sounds like you’re kinda doing anyway) watch heaps of different youtube vids and see what fits/doesn’t. The world is so much more advanced these days then 20 years ago you will get to an answer don’t give up. Hope you find your peace ✌️

[@qbee1312]

Thank you so much for this. I kept trying to research BPD because of ppl in my relationships telling me how unpredictable I was. Even while I only saw my reactions as the logical result of the patterns shown by the other party. I stayed in an abusive relationship for two years just trying to map out what my life would work without the other person. To be fair I kept telling them why it won't work throughout the entire process. But I could always rule out BPD because of the sense of self. I love my own company!! So until I had my last son and his diagnosis, I didn't know to be looking into ASD

[@SierraSoluna]

You’re my new favorite channel!! So grateful to have found you, and so happy to hear ASD voices that aren’t white centered, there needs to be more, it’s so important in helping break down the biases of others, especially therapists as you’ve mentioned before, and just for your affirmation, yes! You always explain everything so well, always covering every detail which is really appreciated, love you and your energy so much 💖

[@steviea7593]

This video actually cleared a lot up for me. I just found out about this channel but I'm really appreciating it and wanted to say thank-you for making your content. It's helping me find ways to talk to others about how I feel and what I'm experiencing.

[@Lev16hearne]

Your videos are really informative and helpful but one of my favorite parts is the birdsong in the background. It is really soothing to hear while learning about a complex and interesting topics. 🙂 Thanks for all your work!

[@ellenschrader7971]

Here are some words of affirmation 💖 I really love your channel and am so grateful to have found it! Your videos always make me feel like my own experience and struggles are valid and (at least partially) satisfy my daily ASD content cravings. Please keep up with it and lots of love from the Netherlands!

[@MSunhee]

This video was fantastic! You are very smart and articulate and made clear what I found very confusing before. I was misdiagnosed BPD when I was a young adult but just learned recently I am actually autistic. Everything makes sense now and I wish I had known before I had so many mental health problems. Your videos are very thoughtful and helpful!

[@emilyeah]

Love this. Critical thinking and discernment is a real challenge in today's world. You're golden! ❣️

[@_Balanced_]

This is a very good video. It keeps getting better the longer you stay focused on what she’s saying.

[@invisible__design657]

thank you for making this video, I felt like we were having a conversation throughout and felt very seen and heard and validated in my own research and experiences and confusions but also saw some things more clearly because of the format of comparing and finding differences and parallels

[@maidden]

The question about how you feel when you get to be home alone is, like, definitional. It's SUCH a relief to be alone. Being alone is the best thing, especially after a long day of interacting with people. Like finally getting to take off the hard-soled shoes and curl your toes (sometimes literally!)

[@jacquelineeggleston93]

This is the best most well explained video on KZbin about this topic

[@JoULove]

Very good breakdown . The only thing is I'd add is that undiagnosed autistic people who mask and have done so for a long time may in fact struggle knowing who they are without the mask because we may suppress thoughts and preferences that don't fit the mask.

[@Riverrunzred]

Thank you so much for sharing!! This video helped me understand more about myself and helped me get through washing the dishes honestly! 😂 I completely resonated when you were explaining the “taking a friend to their favorite restaurant” analogy. It made perfect sense!

[@eveningprimrose3088]

All the major changes resulting from severing a relationship, yes! Also, autistic people sometimes don't have other relationships "of their own;" so losing a partner can also mean losing other relationships, sometimes all of them.

[@lottabynert7489]

Very well done! You have a great talent for picking out and explaining difficult matters. Thank you!

[@user-ph7cx6gq7k]

This is so right on! I just got diagnosed autistic at age 42 but got a BPD diagnosis when I was twenty and I always thought it was wrong.

[@JustJC5]

I am a little over half way through this video, and I just want to thank you so much for researching, sharing, and posting all of this information because as an autistic person, I feel so validated, almost to the point where I am a bit confused for some reason. Thank you, and as a person going into psychology and research about ASD I will spread this information. 💛

[@1976Copper]

Thank you. Fleshing things out like this is very helpful in making sense of short clinical descriptions. And these are very helpful in pointing out critical diagnostic distinctions.

[@Cass_772]

thank you, this is so true... it looks like paranoia but it is not and the confusion of not understanding the change in the other person behaviour. I feel like autistic people talk about suicide because they need help and don't know how to express it... the pain has become so unbearable that it is the only option they think about but it is not purely for attention seeking.

[@lizzpayne8827]

This is such an amazing in depth video!! So many things that I haven't realised myself before x

[@RuthMcDougal]

I had a therapist that was against bpd diagnoses and said most people who are diagnosed as bpd are not, they are just people with complex ptsd from past experiences.

[@freshfishism]

Epic. Very well thought out. I see myself in the complexities you helped to draw out. Thank you 🙏 (and you're beautiful)

[@elymr9931]

I very much appreciated this and your other videos. Also, your printable worksheets on Etsy are amazing. I bought and am benefiting from three of your packages. I hadn't encountered anything like them before that were really showing how to do self care as an autistic ADHD person.

[@Aura13.13]

First video I’ve watched from start to finish! Thank you so much! So proud of you 👏

[@baileyblack9351]

thank you. youre energy and space feels so safe and reassuring. i appreciate you're take on this (10minutes in but i got it, and really, thank you)

[@iPsychlops]

You definitely communicated effectively. I really appreciated this differentiation. One thing that I would caution against in the future is referring to people as their diagnosis. e.g. "As a borderline" vs "a person with bpd"

[@sarahmiskoff6283]

This was super helpful in clarifying the difference between the two. Thank you!!

[@BRAINLEAKAGECHEMICALPLANT]

this video is very helpful!! i highly suspect i have asd and ive heard a lot about how bpd overlaps with it, and this is the most comprehensive source ive found on it ^_^ i have a hard time figuring this stuff out on my own and putting it into words and you did so very well. something that especially resonated with me was the part about fearing the change that comes with losing someone, rather than losing the person themselves. as painful as it is to lose someone close to me i am much more worried about dealing with the changes id have to make with their absence. ive never been able to put this feeling into words and this is the first time ive heard anyone else describe it!!

[@VTPPGLVR]

I really loved when you looked at the situation through the BPD lens then the ASD lens. It really clarified some things for me

[@Sousanna]

Thank you for this. I have been beating myself not knowing how express myself to others. This really helps to explain things

[@ICEBUNNo]

Thank you for this video. This helps me find the distinction between BPD and ASD within myself. I’ve accepted for a while that a lot of disorders just have overlap, and that I may never know 100% what is wrong with me, and I’m okay with that. But this video I think helps me narrow it down to autism rather than BPD, especially with your descriptions of rejection and the distinction of not knowing who you are versus having to hide who you are. I’ve known I’ve had asd for a while, but hearing you describe the distinction weirdly brings me to a sense of clarity.

[@wordcharm2649]

my problem is that you can list 12 symptoms and really go into the nuance of bpd vs asd, and in half I'm 100% on the bpd side, but in the other half I'm 100% in the asd. Additionally, there are a lot of bdp things that are so quintessential that I just don't have (like fear of rejection and intense relationships are not me at all), but there are also things with asd that are almost the cliche in all areas (like the more rational, mathematical thinking) that I just don't have. So on the surface, I can check off a lot of boxes on both, but actually figuring out WHICH is the reason is different. Also, some symptoms like suicide ideation I may have due to a co-morbidity because neither explanation felt right. So, I think the problem with diagnosing people is not just the overlap, but that it assumes that a person only has one issue. If I have say ADHD, depression, anxiety, codependency issues, and maladaptations from a traumatic upbringing and in addition POTENTIALLY either ASD or BPD, all the other issues prior can make discerning between ASD/BPD even harder. Not to mention people who have both. So for me, I'm just going to learn about both and be okay with the idea of not having a specific label.

[@peachbloodbunny]

I love this video, I’m so glad you put it out there. I’ve been diagnosed with BPD but can’t get an ASD diagnosis because “I have too much trauma”. This really helped me out some things into perspective. I’ve been doing my own research for 4 years and the way you described everything resonates with me. I likely have both but I’m writing a report to be able to take with me next time I try for a diagnosis. You’re doing great, keep it up.

[@FTH1723]

Hey what do you mean by writing a report?? Are you writing out the different things and explaining why and why not you have that symptom? I'm struggling to even get testing scheduled since I just keep being told to calm down since I'm going a million miles per hour just trying to explain what tf is going on in my head.

[@tunnelsunshine]

This video was super helpful! I think you did a great job of execution and explanation! I loved hearing the examples. A harder thing for me is to relate or understand without examples of something. Like my brain just can’t get to it without hearing an example - do having these really helped me interpret between the two! The only thing I personally would say is that I really enjoyed when you put up the list of symptoms for BPD, but then didn’t do the same for ASD - so then listening them out, I couldn’t grasp that information as well without a visual to go along with it. That maybe totally just me of course but, the only thing I could otherwise note. Again I really loved this, your tone, your way of breaking it down, and I would really love to see more examples of symptoms or examples of comorbidity like OCD etc. 🖤

[@thethoughtspot222]

When I was editing I couldn’t for the life of me find the website where I got my ASD info so I couldn’t screenshot and insert 😩 it bothered me too, I was looking for so long. But thanks for your feedback on what works for you!

[@ohwelltymps]

i think another big difference between the two is that with bpd, one will lean on self-destructive and impulsive behaviors like bingeing and sh in attempts to fill the void and emptiness they feel, this could also be why they are more likely to be extroverted, have favorite persons, have a fear of abandonment, etc. its all because they don't want to be alone with the emptiness. whereas an autistic person likes to be alone because they feel the emptiness when masking or being around other people. this could also result in some of the same self destructive behaviors, depression, etc. basically its could all stem from the feeling of emptiness. obviously im not a professional, just speculating!

[@IndigoAngel1448]

I have autism spectrum disorder and I know I also have BPD but I've never been diagnosed. All my life I've been called a 'psychopath' and my own mum tells people "be careful with her", "she has a tendency to switch and can't control her temper", "I don't know what she's capable of anymore". She's a narcissist so I've had it all my life but when everyone thinks I'm a psycho and I can't always defend myself it does get hard.

[@Catlily5]

I was diagnosed BPD mostly because of self harm. I was told, "Self Harm is the hallmark of Borderline Personality Disorder". However, I was hurting myself to avoid extreme mental pain. It usually had nothing to do with abandonment. I have a hard time making friends but once I have one I often keep them. So I have not been abandoned much as an adult. Also my emotional regulation was and is bad. But I was misdiagnosed. I do not have BPD. I have PTSD. I think I have autism.

[@colleenmcbride3656]

Same.

[@Catlily5]

I am now diagnosed with Autism.

[@victoriadolbeare3147]

This was very helpful. You answered the questions that I would hope psychotherapists would ask to make informed diagnoses.

[@lynncotto371]

Awesome video Irene, I found it very helpful 👍 Thank you for making it & I'm looking forward to your future videos 😊 💓

[@raymoonlight3396]

Thank you for what you do because I feel like you were able to put in words some of the things that I felt I couldn't put into words and went unexplained in myself. Thank you for your wonderful explanations and providing me with clarity. I really appreciate it.

[@kody_Pizza2]

*No matter what you have. The most important thing is to be aware of those symptoms. Once you are aware, you can always improve your life where possible.* As for me, I was evaluated to be on the autism spectrum and OCD. I tend to be focused on my interests even things like autism tend to part of my research getting to know more about myself. Basically, I'm curious on what life has to offer. I also go bowling and eat pizza a lot and avoid most meats due to negativity of that food (weird, or lack of good flavor including steak, ribs, or even pepperoni is too strong for my mouth to handle). But I enjoy eating Mcdonalds (the food has positive taste). Positivity and fun I guess is what I seek in life. I also enjoy playing video games or board games like Uno or Monopoly. I also like to travel and don't like being home all the time and I don't like being alone in public. And I sleep with the lights on due to night sensitivity, I don't really call it fear of the dark but I find more comfort with the lights on. And I do a lot of self talk in my head and asking questions basically having a conversation to myself, this may keep me up at night. 😎 Lastly, when someone passes away, I am somehow free of tears but I do behave appropriately. 👀

[@maryanlerose9438]

I can follow you so well.. I do think you are very good at communicating effectively about these topics. I enjoy your content so much and I am so so happy to have found your channel. much love to you :)

[@ericwelvaert4780]

Another very informative video, very well explained. Thank you, Irene.

[@JoannaSternbergYoutube]

this is such an amazing video thank you so much! also this is off topic but your hair and style is so cool and so is the interior decoration of the room you are in!

[@invisible__design657]

omg what you said about trauma I find to be SO SO true in regards to autism and also adhd in my case... so frustrating and difficult to navigate :/ and sadly a lot of woc could probably find themselves in this

[@timmcdraw7568]

Thank you for this. It was extremely clear and you covered so many things that i wondered about in other videos but either weren’t or couldn’t be covered because one would need to be autistic to fully know in a real, experienced way.

[@shaynalee]

Wonderful video and it made total sense to me! Your examples were great. I suspected my ex BF had autism but the experts were saying borderline…that didn’t feel right to me. We were quarantined together so I was with him literally 24/7 for 18 months. His train of thought was just different. Like an Android vs iPhone.

[@laladoodoodoo]

This was excellent. Thank you for the thorough and well-explained discussion. I am trying to get to know my foster daughter who deals with some of these things. This is a very relevant resource to me at this time for hopefully understanding a young person better and providing stability and care.

[@Vivi-mp9nn]

About threats of unaliving yourself: (as someone w/BPD, ADHD and possible ASD) I never did that directly. I never said „if you leave me‘ i am going to kill myself“. What happen was, after a fight I was scared of abondamment, of change, of explaining why the remationship ended to everyone and so many factors that i just couldn‘t handle it and wanted to die. But alot of the time i didn’t really wanted to die, i just wanted this pain to be over and my head to stop thinking. So it was never an actual attempt, but para$uiçidal behavior, telling someone „goodbye i love u“ or sth like that bc i wanted them to stop me. And more often than not, the only availabe person (that wasnt my mom bc she would just send the police and they would just arrest me for trying to overdose, it happenend before) was my boyfriend. So i made him come bacl but i feel like it wasnt meant as a manipulation. Even tho it ended up being exactly that and than i would feel like shit apologize and cry till falling asleep.

[@berserker3414]

The fact that I could end it all if everything fails in my life kinda brings me hope. Of course, I can't talk about these thoughts because people don't deal with thoughts of death very well, they get either pissed at you (the selfish ones) or worried and scared. But yeah, I don't have to suffer in pain if I don't want to. So the fact that I can unalive myself at any time is like my game over

[@rachelwong3474]

I’m glad you’re honest about struggles with professional help sometimes

[@lovorka3321]

autism is not a disorder, its neurodivergency, i hope that world will stop being so weird and accept that not everyone is same.

[@amandasackman7723]

I just found this channel and absolutely love it! I feel like it's going to help the communication and understanding of my friend that has ASD. Thank you very much for letting yourself be vulnerable to help other people with ASD._

[@carlottak4496]

I can see how much work there is behind this video creation. The introduction is very well done and needed. I very much appreciate how cautiously you approach these very delicate topics. I can safely assume that most of us late-diagnosed deep dived into anything psychological to exclude this or that. BPD is so weird to me, like they grouped a bunch of symptoms that could in fact have multiple sources. Surely I am not competent enough, but reading about it after the cptsd diagnosis I was very puzzled. (Not really) Fun fact: soon after the burnout, I met a psychiatrist that in just one hour told me my problems were emotional and prescribed me an anti epileptic. He told me he didn’t see how I could have been autistic at all. Luckily, I was aware one cannot just exclude autism at glance, but the lack of care and the way he prodded to know the details of my childhood abuses left me totally unable to function and tell him properly what I thought about it. I wish women could feel safe and listened to when seeking help. So yeah, definitely seek multiple opinions. I was later diagnosed with autism+high iq by two different specialists, because my impostor syndrome is something else (jeez). Btw, I knew nothing about giftedness and how it integrates with autism. It’s really interesting if you have energy to delve into that. It enhances the emotional sensitivity, it seems. I wonder if you already explored the possibility for yourself. I sense a vibe, heh :) It shows you love being as precise as you are in your research and video-making, I appreciate it AND the care for beauty (light, colors, soft sounds, your soul). I hope you don’t ask too much to yourself, rest as needed! :) ok, italian grandma mode: off

[@timbobshe]

Thank you. I’m diagnosed EUPD and now questioning that I have been misdiagnosed, because while I accept the eupd having lots going on in life, there are also things I cannot ignore and have always been there. It’s been a year since I had a complete breakdown, and I’m not getting better, if anything I’m recognising more traits that have always been there, but managed to handle it until now. I’m really scared. NHS is broken and I cannot get into see a doctor to talk about anything. I’m isolated and I struggle with interpersonal relationships. Everything you scratched on matches…

[@gbail9566]

Dear Irene, i so admire the courage and intellect you were able to summon in making this video. As you suggest BPD and ASD can be confused by well trained professionals when people come to them without knowing how they're expected to discuss their history or may have difficulty recounting facts. I always think of how young children I've known have started to manifest ASD, whereas any personality disorder requires a much more complex perception of relationships than a preschool would have developed. You have so much wisdom and deep thoughts to share. Please share kindness with yourself and others.

[@joycebrewer4150]

😮 I am autistic, and looking back, I can definitely say an experience I had as a preschool age child caused trauma that led me to develope a personality disorder pretty quickly. I wasn't treated for it until my early forties. Partly due to living in an area where mental health services are few and far between, partly due to financial struggles of my family, partly due to my family members being too caught up in their own struggles to really notice mine. I was glad to finally emerge from that disorder. But I was still autistic and still didn't fit in with my community well. Even after my autism was finally recognized, too. I was surrounded by family who felt it was their job to teach me to "not be autistic". As if that was possible!!!!

[@ravenspace]

Omigish so helpful.❤ your channel helping me so much. I'm female aged 50. Am 3 years into major burnout have last year received formal diagnosis for autism level 1, two years before that adhd. I'm at 4 or 5 on the ACE'S depending on who's story you believe. I am in nz and as of last week I've got 3 case managers but still no doctor or therapist. Funny not funny. Love the wee birdies cheeping, I have my own here and your video intro outro makes me beautifully aware of them. Blessings. So many things you do right, so much insight gifted. Keys turn in mental locks and I realise why I'm seen the way I am.. I listen to you rather than watching and it works in that format too.

[@Thislifeisawildone]

When I suggested ASD to my psychiatrist (after significant psyching myself out to even bring it up, as I'm a nurse, and i know how many doctors truly don't take the words of their patients seriously), he said to me, "yeah, a lot of girls are coming in now thinking they have ADHD. its a big tiktok trend".... This guy is also prescribing me ADHD meds... for the ADHD i was diagnosed for 25 years prior... Psychiatrist before that, who was also prescribing those meds (the one before THAT died unexpectedly and didn't believe in neurodivergence... just trauma responses) informed me that He is a psychiatrist and doesn't deal with "personality stuff"... ... I don't even know where to go with that comment without writing a full essay :P

[@lurecourser]

Thanks. Enjoyed and enlightened. Your help is spot on!!❤