Avoiding Relationships | Dealing With Loss | Putting Pets Down

A possibility of having to put my cat down led me to contemplate how I have historically dealt with the pains in my life and makes me curious about how YOU have dealt with them in yours.

[@stevenredmond3136]

Jennifer, when you talk about the pain at the end of a relationship, it brought me back to when, at my wife's funeral, the pastor who had married us 20 years before ( her funeral was the day before our 20th anniversary), stood up and addressed the people and said that on that day, 20 years ago, no one is thinking about this day. Standing before the coffin of your wife. I'm crying as I write this. It was 20 years ago she died. I still think of her daily; I have 2 wonderful children that remind me of her. I ended up marrying one of her friends. I struggled with her death(obviously) but was able to find love and care. I also got involved with a grief support group. That helped a lot. I like what you said about it being like paying a bill that comes in the mail. Very appropriate. Sometimes you have what it takes to pay it all at once. Sometimes you have to make payments. Keep up the God work. It always brightens my day to watch one of your videos.

[@steelearmstrong9616]

Your wife passes away and you marry one of her friends is the the most disrespectful thing one could do. What a desperately low act. I would bloody hate this.

[@stevenredmond3136]

@@steelearmstrong9616 There's so much more to the whole situation. It's not like I took up with the friend immediately after she passed....

[@musicismyreligion5213]

Love comes at a price.... Pain. Always.Everytime. Someone you love either leaves..or dies. Thats it.

[@DeeSee25]

Every time. Nothing good lasts forever. But memories do

[@oldscratch3535]

​@DeeSee25 No they don't. Alzheimers and dementia are a thing.

[@Freedom-Fighter1]

@@DeeSee25 The song ‘pictures on mantels’ by Trace Adkins always gets to me.

[@barneyboy2008]

Jeez, you must be fun at parties.

[@dallassukerkin6878]

I lost my wife ten years ago and I still shed tears for her on occasion. That tells you how powerful a bond of love we had.

[@patc2515]

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you have been able to find peace and happiness again as I am sure your wife would want you to do. I hate how cliche it is but it's true, it's always better to have loved and to the no love and lost it then to have never experienced it at all. I hope you find love again in your life.

[@dallassukerkin6878]

@@patc2515 Thank you, Pat. I have tried, because before she passed she had me promise that I would; but you don't capture lighting in a bottle twice in one lifetime I fear. That is especially true in these days where even mature women (I am no spring chicken :)) are infected with the 'modern' thinking that turns any man into nothing more than a walking wallet. I ignore it as best I can but when you are trying to save for retirement and someone else's hand is always out for your money it gets tiresome. But I have my memories of having had a perfect marriage-of-equals, in which we each played to our strengths and compensated for each others weaknesses. So it *can* happen; we just need it to happen more for the sake of society if not our personal happiness.

[@SophisticatedBob]

I met my wife in junior high. We became sweethearts in the 7th grade, and were never apart from that point. She died of brain cancer. We celebrated our 35th wedding anniversary, in hospice, 2 weeks before she passed. At the time of her death we had been together for 43 years, 75% of our entire lives. The short answer to your question is yes, pain, or grief, is the price of love. In my own case, I fell into total chaos from which I am still recovering. Still cry almost every day, nearly 3 years later. When you give yourself to someone, you lose part of your identity, as “you” slowly becomes “us”. The longer you’re together, the less of you is left. And when that person dies, you find you’ve lost the person you once were. Grief is the process of finding yourself again, because you will never be who you used to be.

[@rainerschrockenfuchs2064]

You gave me sth to think about. Thank you

[@GregBoswell428]

Wow Jennifer, you’re such a deep thinker. It’s hard to describe just how refreshing that is. Your topic is very relatable. I went through a period of time when I cried easily for seemingly no apparent reason and I couldn’t even understand why. I’m still not absolutely certain but I have a few hunches. I did notice that people around me felt very uncomfortable with it and ultimately shunned me.

[@bluenetmarketing]

The depth of your pain measures the degree of your love. Don't euthanize until the pet is in great discomfort and there are NO other alternatives. Take you pet to the State university vet school for the best information. Your pet will DEFINITELY be there in Heaven when you get there, and yes, your pet loves you more than anything. Keep talking to them after they are gone, because you both still need each other's company just like before. My little Penelope will be there to greet them one by one and to say hi for me and you.

[@stevetheaxe]

My beautiful mum died in my arms last month. As devastated as i am i understand that this is the bi product of life and i must accept it. Our most precious asset is time and Im just glad i understood this shit before it was too late. Id go and see her every day after work because it made her and Dad so happy to see me and would lift their day. Before she died i felt as close to her as i feel was as humanly possible and now shes gone its the end of our chapter together with no regrets and all the stupid selfish shit i put her through when i was younger feels redeemed. The world is so much emptier now but knowing i truly loved and cared for my awesome mum rigbt to the very end is helping me so much in moving forward from here. Live, love and spend as much quality time with those you love people because one day one of you wont be here anymore. I love your take on tbings Jennifer. Thanks for sharing your perspective on stuff. I never miss a video.

[@americancapitalist9094]

I’ve lost a couple pets, but none of them were as bad as my last cat. I did everything I could to save her, but the cancer was so extensive I had to let her go. I hadn’t cried since I was a kid, but I cried for days when I had to put her down. Totally broke me and I haven’t been the same since. I have a lot of problems with relationships, but I would be lying if the possibility of finally finding the one and then losing them doesn’t discourage me from trying. I can’t help but think I’m going to end up all alone.

[@deathbyhotsauce]

10 years or so ago I got married. We had an adventure moved to another state, spent time in special places, made memories. She cheated and divorced me. Now all that is left is the pain. Those memories are no longer happy memories, they bring only pain when I think of them. This reminds me of a Garth Brooks song "The Dance". For someone that has lost their love, they can accept that they are gone, grief for them and look back on the good memories and they will live on in their hearts but for me, its all just the pain of betrayal. I will never let myself be hurt that bad again.

[@milesrost6674]

"Stay Strong, Chase Excellence Brothers." - Godspeed

[@nobbynose4254]

Pain is suffering. “The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.” ― Bob Marley

[@Fopeano]

I grew up with a cat I loved my mom got 'for me' when I was 6. It managed to live until I was out of the house, and there she'd be when I was back visiting. When I got the call that she was at the end, I went with my mother to the vet and held that cat at it's last moment and felt it die in my hands while keeping her warm. It hurt a a lot, and it hurts recalling that moment like this, but I owed it to that cat to be there to comfort at the most scary and vulnerable moment of her life. It was worth it, and I'd regret if I had said "oh, you deal with it and give the cat my best", lol (teary eyed). I have another cat now, one I took in from a friend (person with allergy moved in) years ago. I don't know how old he is or when to expect anything to happen. He's a PITA sometimes, but he's more consistently my pal. When this cat dies, at least I have a good idea of how much it's going to hurt, I came to terms long ago that it's going to be worth it.

[@DeeSee25]

I can tell you’re torn up about your cat and your precious relationships. Your breakdown of pain, love and debt is extremely profound and philosophical. Thanks for sharing your life and hope you can get through this tough time

[@baronofgreymatter14]

The final act of love is helping them across the rainbow bridge. They are relying on us to make that call. We dont want them to suffer and we usually try to prolong their lives for our benefit. It is so hard but it is what we must do . The pain helps us realize our capacity for love. In the case of dogs the unconditional love is completely worth the pain. Embrace it work through it and make another animal's life special. /hug Jennifer

[@orod22]

This is a complicated one. Every day I mourn my grandma who died in 2009, the most meaningful and impactful relationship I've ever had in my 45 years. I would relieve all the pain of her loss if I could have another day with her. Every day I mourn the loss of my daughter (who is still alive and who I named after my grandma), who I said goodbye to at 2 years old and she is now 20. Although I'm grateful my daughter has life, and although I'm grateful for priceless life lessons I've learned as a result of the loss of that relationship, I could never go through that devastation again. That's the reason I've completely avoided personal relationships for the past 20 years. Different relationships, different context, different perspectives altogether.

[@davidhamlin1409]

I really admire how open you are. Thank you

[@jimmyboyles2868]

My cat Tiger died last year after he showed up 15 years before. Took him to the vet and he died in the back seat. I was with him. Still traumatized after a year. Had to bury my best friend as my family had abandoned me after I went on kidney dialysis 10 years ago. I never thought I would outlive him. I finally adopted a one year old rescue.

[@DaleMoon]

Kidney disease is common with older cats. I have three Siamese rescue cats. I love them so much. I love your channel keep up the good work. I feel your pain having loss two kitties in the last 2 years.

[@williamoneal2763]

I can see your pain of pet loss. I am 83 year old man. My Jack Russell of 17 years has been gone for three years . She was my dog and and we really bonded. I talked with her and understood her. We really clicked. I took care of her every need. She was my shadow. Now for something most will not understand. When her time was to come, I personally put her down. With tears In my eyes, I placed her into the cars trunk, put a hose to the exhaust into trunk and started engine. Death came within 30 seconds. I wanted to be the one to take her pain away. I loved her.😂Buried her in the back yard and marked her resting place. I have never told my wife of my deed as she thinks Buffy died naturally. Still miss her as I really loved her. All the time of doing this deed, I was in tears and my heart was breaking, but this dog suffered so much I her last four days on this earth. I truly believe I may have given up a few years of my life when Buffy died. 😅 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@toddjohnson271]

Everyone understands....hence, the term man's best friend.

[@steelearmstrong9616]

That’s a horrible way for her to die. That’s bloody horrible. My beagle of 17.3 years the the world to me more than any human ever, but his time is almost up. Euthanasia lady to come to my home to do it with dignity

[@franksemmes1633]

The animals do not betray you. Some people do. At the last two funerals I attended, my tears were gratitude that God had put these people in my life, and gratitude for the blessings they had brought to me.

[@halohat2286]

I had a lab that was amazing. Long story of how i got him. Short story of how he passed (diabetes). Had him for 9 years. I had to "put him down" another long story (i hate needles). So, i will never have another dog, they dont last long enough. So, by a strange chance (long story) i got a Blue and Gold Macaw when he was 2 years old. He will out live me for sure. Ive had him for 28 years now. Amazingly smart, speaks quite well and knows what it is saying. Spoiled and healthy. Best wishes to Jen and all pet people.

[@Freedom-Fighter1]

Horses live long but unless you have a large rural property…

[@ikemkrueger]

I have once said, you only have to learn two things in life: 1. to deal with being alone, and 2. to deal with pain. I was forced to learn to be alone, so my problem is more on the opposite side. Dealing with pain I didn’t really figured out. I learned that feeling (consuming) feelings will make them go away. I often lack the courage and strength to do that.

[@freakdaddydog]

Yes, get a new pet. They make our lives better even with the pain of loss later. I've had many dogs over my life and miss all of them but am glad they shared a life with me.

[@howardpearlman6328]

Everything in life is temporary. All people, animals, financials, nations, everything changes. The ability to handle this is essential to having a decent life.

[@1werewolf]

Good post Jennifer. We all can relate to this. There is no pain without joy and vice versa. Tough dealing with ailing pets. They are here for such a short time but teach us so much about ourselves and life.

[@depsilon4]

That's really interesting. If you looked at everything based on the pain you feel now instead of how you felt in the moment for all of those past memories, you would say it's not worth it. But if you didn't know it was going to get worse, you may say it is worth it. This brings me to the interesting part, if people cultivated and only focused on how their relationship makes them happy, they probably would not put their partners into a position of pain and suffering in the first place. So this mindset of cost can really determine how much pain you chose to go through in your life and not just a retrospective tool to try and scrape whatever value you can from a place of suffering to try and make better decisions. As you get older and try to reduce pain and suffering in your life, you will take less risks, but oddly, when you were younger and naive to the pain, you actually opened more possibility to experience more joy and happiness, because you didn't care to focus on the possible pain. Thanks for the insight Jennifer.

[@setoredan]

I lost my beloved dog Jojo back in 2014. I still cannot bring myself to get another dog because I don't want to relive that pain again. It was a very interesting topic today.

[@castinn]

I think losing a person you love in a breakup is not equivalent to putting down an animal you love. The thing that is similar is that you love them, and you miss them, but a breakup is a rejection of you as a being. The pet did not reject you. I think when you have dropped all your defenses only to get blindsided by rejection, that goes to the core of who you are. How do you deal with being told you are good enough and not worth the effort? It gets inside your head and you start to think, "Maybe they are right, maybe I am not worth the effort". It may be a total crapshoot getting into another relationship, I don't know. I've had three rescue dogs that were older when I got them, but I fell in love with them and it hurt for a while, but it did pass. Currently on rescue number four, a golden retriever, who was a puppy-mill mama and was horribly abused. She would not eat or drink inside the house. We had to put everything outside for weeks. She would stay in the laundry room all day and all night and would not be around us. That will be two years ago this coming Thanksgiving, and she is unrecognizable from the way she arrived. My wife and I got married in our early twenties just out of college and we are in our mid 70s now. Thankfully, I've had little experience with the loss of wives or girlfriends, and I know what it is to be loved and cherished. One of these days, either I or my wife will find out what loss truly is, but I would not change a second of it.

[@steelearmstrong9616]

You don’t love animals in the same way that others do

[@castinn]

@@steelearmstrong9616 I can't figure out how you know that. Are you trying to suggest I wasn't wrecked over the death of the animals? Or just the opposite?

[@alexrain1188]

I’m so sorry about your cat. That is a very painful event. Me and my ex wife were cat rescuers and always had at least 4 cats at all times. When a relationship ends, it destroys your entire role in life. Life hits hard. The very fact that you know losing your husband would hurt so much is actually very beautiful. You love him and I hope he loves you the same way.

[@greencertifiedweb]

Some advice that helped me: Many years ago, i was dealing with a break up with my first truly loving, long term relationship! I happened to be an engineer at a radio station at the time, and I zsk one of the DJs (a wise old sage), "How long does it take to forget!" He said, "You never forget, you just make friends with the memories!" Since then, I've experienced a great deal of loss, among them, I miss my sister, and my mother every day... But I applied his advice, I focused on making friends with the memories. These people have moved on, My cat Duckie, died in my arms a few years ago... I stay focused on the memories, and when I think about them, the thought always comes with a smile! As time goes on, you'll lose more and more people, pets, favorite house plants! Cherish what you had, treasure the memories and it will all be worthwhile!

[@meghan7547]

I have only had time to watch the first half but felt I needed to comment, will watch the rest when cooking supper tonight. The first dog I got to train, a female yellow Labrador, Katy, was by far one of the best dogs that ever graced this planet. Growing up we had numerous dogs but not like Katy. She was a working dog but lived inside too. I would drop her off at my parents every day I went to work. So smart, such a gentle mouth, you could give her a sleeve of crackers and she would take them to mom or dad and none would be broken. I had her trained on hand signals, my family has always been big into waterfowl hunting. I honestly have no idea of the number of birds she retrieved over her 15yrs but it was in the thousands. When I couldn't go hunting, dad would come get her for days on end. If had trash, the can was by my dad's chair on the sunporch, "Katy, take that to Grandpa"....... she always delivered without hesitation, she loved to work! She began to fail at 14yrs and we all agreed, she was more than deserving of retirement. On August 30th, 2019, we said our goodbyes. A new puppy is in our near future because someone will be around the entire day for it, that wasn't the case when Katy passed.

[@xenobioticslyingeyes6900]

To judge oneself as to how well we handled the pain is a waste of ones life.The guilt doesnt help the healing process accepting what we felt and how we behaved and understanding the value of that not only as it relates to ourselves but to the value of the thing that brought us this gift of sorow and reflection.We become a better person for our heart has grown.

[@DaBinChe]

Good talk. My baby boy, Patrick, past at the height of the lockdowns and I was not allowed in the vet hospital to say bye to him...didn't think was was gonna go out. Paid to get a CT scan, in all the cost was over 10k, I would of paid double that to get just a little more time with him...from the first seizure to the night he past was three days. I was told by folks that it was a blessing in disguise cause he only suffered for three days. I miss him deeply. Been meaning to scatter his ashes but haven't been able to do it yet...haven't been able to truly let him go, not sure if I ever could.

[@alvermillioncranky8360]

I once read a book by Marion Zimmer Bradley. AN old man told a young woman that "Life is pain. Love is extra." If the price of Love is later pain, I will still choose Love. This from an old Barbarian who has paid that price more times than I care to count, both in partnerships and in children/Gkids/GGkids.

[@jegarner11]

Jen, just want to say again that you are amazing. 100% my kind of person.

[@bradleedenney]

It's been years upon years. I thought a relationship would just eventually be a gift on top to what I am always up to, but gosh darn it, no one has shown any interest in me. Not shying away, but not on the prowl.

[@Jheckard85]

Jennifer this video hits home. At 18 or whatever, I like you thought I had it all figured. The girl of my dreams life “planned” out. Had a girl cheat on me, being young a gave another shot and we ended up getting engaged. She broke it off and was married in a short time after that. Don’t remember the time but less then a year. Crushed me, and I like deferred it. Probably more common for men to do anyway. I remember wanting to date people, wanting so badly to be in a relationship but could never pull the trigger. I would put up a front constantly. Being very flirty with people but never got close. What saved me went to college. Just a 2 year trade school, but the English teacher would make us write in a daily journal. Sometimes give you something to write about, and other times you had to just write for 30 minutes. Anything you wanted to write about but for that much time. I would always end up writing about this girl and what I wanted or disliked etc. At the end of the semester he took our journals and read them and correct them or maybe he did it every week. I don’t know but I remember he wrote a letter to every person, and I remember he said to me that someday when I was ready I would make someone a great husband. And I don’t think that is what ended the payment but I think that was the gateway. It made me think about it and it also gave me the thought that there is light at the end of the tunnel. But it is amazing how your brain can react to emotion WOUNDS the same as real sliced up type wounds. The scary thing is you don’t have big wraps on your head for people to know there is something wrong. And the sad part is it really never goes anywhere. 20 years have passed and that pressure or weight is still there. Or the luggage is still there maybe that’s a better way to put it. The luggage is still there I just chose not to carry it anymore. Maybe it’s how deep the wound is. I have a friend that passed away and his mom could not drive down the road that he died on. Still doesn’t and that’s probably more the 20 years ago. And I’m sure the slightest thing would probably bring her to tears, but to me that would be the HARDEST thing to do. Also just keep pumping the fluid. Not saying it’s going to cure it but our cats still annoying the hell out of me and that’s been 3 years that she was going to die from the same thing, don’t get me wrong my wife works at a vet office so the ability to have things on hand help but that’s what she did was keep injecting fluids in her back under the skin and then the kidneys would basically flush out. All in all good luck with miss zippy.

[@oxigenarian9763]

Our beloved family dog is near her end. I already feel sorrow for our loss; I know it is coming. Sorrow is a consuming fire, but it eventually subsides, it eventually dies down. I would never consider sorrow as 'the price of my joy', though. That debt was already paid, paid in full by the love you shared. We know that death is as much a part of life as life itself. Do we stop living because, in the end, we die? Is it better to retreat from love so we don't have to suffer sorrow? No, never...

[@pidouble145]

I hope you have the healing period you need for this pain in your life. Much love and respect to you.

[@derbearblaz]

Love and pain, can’t have one without the other. A lot of other things in life involve the same “balance”. No answers to be had, it is a matter of perspective or enlightenment. That is the best I can come up with at 52yrs of thinking🤷🏼‍♂️

[@TheGDizzo]

You feel the pain because, especially with our animals, you realize you're about to lose... an entity... a soul, if you will... in your life, that's intrinsically tied-in with your daily joy and happiness and contentedness in being ok with keeping a positive attitude as you meet life's challenges head-on. You know they are there to provide that positivity that helps you re-orient your mood and thinking, often. And THAT... that very special... place in your heart... this specifically purest form of joy and caring for another life brings to you. Is now going to be gone, and you as an impatient human who is used to commanding your environment, your psyche doesn't know what to think about this one thing that you are uniquely powerless to do anything about. And it's that feeling of helplessness to be able to do anything now, for this little bastion of cuteness that has brought you soo much joy and relief from the pressures of daily life for soo long. It's that day you rue'd the moment you met them and became smitten. And you know you have to wallow in it.. process it... feel it... and that there's no way to expedite it or offload it to anyone else. And experiencing that level of loss will now forever be a part of your psyche going forward.

[@davidbigd9047]

I’ve never been in a relationship or have had any pets of my own, but, my biggest heartaches are when I was in a completely different country when both my grandfathers’ passed away and couldn’t make it to the funeral or talk to them 1 last time. 1st my mom’s dad in 2001 in Virginia while we were living in Belgium, then, my father’s dad in 2019 while I’m currently living in Missouri.

[@thetruther954]

Pets can really be heart breakers, especially when they are used like that. Our cats back at home were often called names such as “doofus” or “moron”, especially when could decide in or out and we’re keeping the door open. People, of course, can only be “ doofus” or “moron”. If you use your pets, and you should, for that kind of pleasure? Yeah, you’ll cry your eyes out. A waiter who sang to us at The Outback Steakhouse, said he lost his dog, and could just not believe how much that dog meant and he didn’t even realize. And “payment for love”. It’s going to be my fault for not watching more of you, but one thing I liked in my life was: when my boss suddenly seemed to put into words something he thought his wife needed to hear. “love is long suffering”. When I was on my way back from the brink, and my woman who married me in hard times, was helping.

[@adriankristiansen1293]

Relationships with risk of great pain are the ones worth having. You can't be in love without being vulnerable. The relationship that hurt me the most, I'd trade for nothing. Therapy helps, but it's also good to stay busy.

[@rlh125]

When my cat goes, it will destroy me. DESTROY me. I have always been a dog guy and could take cats or leave them (and they felt the same about me…so they usually liked me). Then a little calico cat came walking up to me in the backyard and said hello. Turns out she was living under a tarp in my back yard. I started feeding her, got her a little house outside, found myself worrying about her as winter approached, and brought her in. She has been living in my lap ever since. If I’m sitting, that’s where she will be 99% of the time. That’s a brief summary of the origin of my unlikely love affair with a cat. As time passed, it started to occur to me that I am likely to outlive her. Like you, I was struck by the fact that we must pay a HIGH price for love. When it comes to my relationships with women and breakups, I have never felt the devastation I will feel when I lose that cat. Probably because I never felt that they loved me as much as the cat does. And by the time of any breakups with those women, the relationship was at least somewhat damaged and I didn’t feel like I was losing love. I was just losing a selfish person who didn’t care about me anymore (if she ever did). I really appreciate your videos. They are thoughtful (as in “full of thought”).

[@richdavidson8554]

When a spouse or a child dies, we don't rush to the orphanage to replace them with a new one to stop the suffering. A smart person absorbs and experiences the full depths of grief. Happiness must be balanced with sadness or grief or else you'll go forward unbalanced and this results in a life out of balance.

[@wesleysturgis7356]

To the degree we are attached, we get to suffer. As to a pet passing. as a teen and a boy in the back woods, I had the male responsibility to put down my dog (my best friend). It still has a vivid impact on my heart. Because I have done it, others had me put down their pets for them. So they don't have to feel the same pain, I do it. It's not as hard with someone else's pet.

[@timothystandley8777]

It is why we are to cherish every moment of breath we take with our loved ones animal or human.we are eternal beings,animals are also.

[@lvluptoaverage52]

Really good video. You forgot to mention just having enjoy emotional cash or have paid in advance. For example my last marriage it hurt bad. I was so destroyed that I had to rebuild myself the good thing is that I was able to rebuild myself into the person I wanted to be and be proud of. So by the time I met my soulmate I was ready to love. Man did I love her then one day we came Into a problem and for the first time in my life I broke up with someone I wasn’t mad or fighting with. It was the first time I broke up with someone because it was the right thing to do. She cried band I cried but I had given my best shot at love and I really thought she was my soulmate yet I had given it my all. After that I met my current wife who I love more than any other past relationships but I do know now as sure as I can be that 1.- i can live without her 2.- I Can fall I love again.

[@jimmyr204]

Growing up on a farm, I've lost so many pets over the years. Think about planting a tree or some perennials in the yard to remember them by. Then a part of them is still with you each day. Good luck with stuff.

[@georgeeads8689]

I always recommend getting another animal. There is no limit to the amount of love you can have in your heart.

[@chrisdahl6420]

I just love your quirky laughs!!! Had to keep rewinding the last part and yes I’m well aware of payment plans and losing animals it’s terrible

[@garyhoward2490]

Well expressed, Jen. I have lost my parents, 2 close friends, an aunt and an uncle, and a cousin, in the past 2 years. Seems that I have spent more time at funerals, than not, lately. Someone told me that I have not had the time to grieve, for any of them, because it has been kinda....one right after the other. Makes sense., I suppose. Maybe it is actually easier, since I haven't focused on any one loss???? BTW, these were not untimely deaths. I am at the age where this would be mostly considered "normal". I'm sure that I am by no means alone, in having these circumstances. The point to all of this, is I recently had to put my 15 year old Labrador down, due to multiple maladies. I gotta tell ya, it was far more emotional than all of the others, combined. The thing is...dogs love unconditionally. It is very rare, that people do, in these times...even family members. That said, I am gonna head to the local dog rescue facility, in a month or so, to find my next best friend. I don't care that I will likely go through this loss again, in 10 or 12 years. It is absolutely worth it, to have that love again. 💕

[@Swagdoodle]

You are so sweet to love that deep, my suggestion is to jump right back into staying a cat mom . Pets are our output of nurturing we need that

[@toddjohnson271]

Your pet doesn't take your children away, or take much of what you earned in life by court order. It won't lie about cheating, or the paternity of a child. It won't become bored with you, disrespect you, sabotage you. It won't discard you after years of commitment for the perceived promise of a better life with someone else. That is why domestic animals are soo valuable to people. And why the pain in losing pets is extremely difficult to shake. They really are perfect in their purity and unconditional love......outside of few exceptions.

[@stacy984]

J Mole! Always nice to hear what your beautiful mind has to say. Thanks girl.

[@BlakesPipes]

I don't have the energy any more for a pet, I did have three fish up to yesterday. Now only 2. Beta fish. I was one three years ago, beta that is. But I will not replace the fish, and I am not going to replace my soon to be ex wife. I don't have the energy. I will buy another motorcycle or a tobacco pipe. Both of those things won't disappoint me. Both bring me joy. Even if the pipe breaks or the motorcycle breaks down. Both give me an experience that will have fond memories. It's OK, I won the superbowl with my second wife. Don't need to keep playing the game. Retired at 49 y/o. I am content with life. Thanks for sharing.

[@lonwestover]

My cat. Is currently in the process of kidney failure. Its tough! So far, he's lived happily for two years. Doing well! I expect decline soon, hopefully don't have to put him down? Pain is part of life.

[@Fopeano]

13:12 People cry because they are scared. If you break down any situation that causes a person to cry, that's what it goes back to if you simplify it. Examples: -I'm scared because something that makes me feel whole isn't going to be there anymore -I'm scared because a gun is pointed at me -I'm scared that I don't know how to live without this person/place/thing in my life -I'm scared because I'm looking at a injury that is more bloody and painful than anything I've experienced before and I don't know if it's going to be okay Fear, and remembering fear, are why you cry.

[@davidwilliams3705]

My heart is still full of love for my wife even though she is no longer living with me in this reality, I believe she is in a place of pure love and peacefulness. I believe one day I will also be with her again. Yet I still grieve with hope.

[@IncomeCrashCourse]

Mmm. Deep thoughts. As always. Thank you.

[@mikelastpass689]

Losing a Beloved Pet is a painful experience. BTW.... I had 3 Dobs & all were the biggest puppies.... What lovable animals. My Rottweiler Guido was also a BIG Puppy .

[@michaelblacktree]

I do the opposite of deferring pain. I try to process it as soon as possible, so I can move on. For the most part, it works well. But there are exceptions to the rule. For example, recently my best friend passed away. We've known each other since middle school (about 35 years), and were like brothers. That was rough. It took awhile to get over that.

[@sleepisthecousinofdeath7395]

When it rains it pours, sunshine and flowers but when it rains it pours

[@machinemaker2248]

By far, the best loss coping strategy I have found is choosing a healthy perspective. Of course, use what makes sense to you in your situation, but after my girl of 7 years left me: people change their minds all the time, about everything, and she changed her mind about who she wants to be with. This was without judgment for either of us, so I avoided bitterness to her and self-loathing for myself. I just kept putting the thought into my head when pain started. So I guess you could say I paid the bill with mental effort rather than enduring pain. I will absolutely choose this method again, when life backs me into that corner.

[@andrewelliott123]

Oh my goodness maybe i've been missing your Videos because I haven't seen anything in a little bit.

[@deanarjones9114]

This divorce has been like death by a thousand cuts and it’s not all quite over and settled. I’ve learned to cry, which is a relief as my mom and 1st husband didn’t allow crying. I’ve let go of many things and people. I’ve healed physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and finally I’m on my way financially. There’s lingering sadness and I’m better at handling it. Sorry about your cat. I know it’s difficult as pets are an important part of our lives and families. Deserving of grief.

[@Weirduniverse2]

heck the crying thing is too mysterious - i've never understood it. didn't cry once after the death of my parents - or my dog of 17 years. cried like a baby when my cat died. i have no answers.

[@johnboy6594]

I am one of the rare people that has never had an animal. My father had allergies so we could not have anything in the house. Seeing all the money, work, time, and heart ache that goes into having a pet, my choice is never to have one. My kids and wife agree with me. They see what it entails. My brother in law has a 10 thousand dollar cat he received for free. That money was for 2 operations. Now they are giving the cat injections twice a day for diabetes at the cost of 15 hundred a year. No thanks. My house has enough hair to pick up from the humans i live with. But i have to admit, i just love dogs and maybe someday in my old age ill be best buddies with one. Though the thought of me losing my imaginary best friend makes me sad. What a life.

[@davidking3699]

I'm MGTOW, and monk (widowed 26 years ago, never bothered to find another just for the convenience, and am now more enlightened about gender dynamics) My take on your video: I lost a German Shepherd well before her time due to the Vet's incompetence... and it hurt me so much that I have not wanted another dog for the past 18 years... exactly because I don't want to have to process that grief again... I have had a cat in the mean time, a rescue, and due to life circumstances, had to give the cat up... I am so pleased that I found a lovely family who still send me pics of him... but starting with a puppy, sharing it's life and losing it would almost be impossible for me to process, esp. as I get older... to be left alone again in my 70's... BTW, I like GSD's more than most humans for their loyalty and unconditional love... When my wife passed away I was so caught up in raising our three young children as a single father I ever really stopped to grieve - even now, 26 years later, it's just so distant I could not properly process what should have been done at the time... I like your idea that the crying and pain is the love that would have been spent on the lost pet over the years, but all cashed up early... it is healthy to release it all at the time rather than just be depressed for years, even if you know why, worse if you are not aware of why you are so sad... I think I naturally lean into Stoicism to help to process and cope with big things like this in my life... and it reminds me that we come into the world alone, with nothing, leave the world alone, with nothing, and that whatever we get along the way needs to be appreciated and cherished, but accepted as transient or possibly tragic and sad just for having been a part of your life...

[@chaptermasterpedrokantor1623]

The thing with MGTOW is not that we eschew relationships to avoid the pain of a breakup. If it was just 'Hey, it's no longer working out, we've tried, but maybe it's better to break up?', we could live with that. We avoid marriage because we don't want our children stolen from us, half of our money taken away and be on the hook for child support and alimony. Compared to that the pain of losing a partner through death is, hard though it may be, still worth the effort to have been with that person. Death takes us all, when we sign up for marriage we know that one of us will die before the other. I can live with that. It is betrayal and injustice that I cannot live with. My sympathy for your cat though, I've been there too. It is hard, but that too comes with the territory. The delightful creatures just don't live as long as we do. Enjoy them for the time that they were with you. And their reward for a life of love is that you will spare them unnecessary pain and anguish. I do not regret the cats that I had.

[@martinengelbrecht5384]

When there is loss, sometimes it's a previous undealt with loss.

[@k1mgy]

It was unfair. I had transferred so much emotion, connection and meaning upon my pet white rabbit, Fuzz. When he died, everything I had put upon him was gone. I was unmoored, shattered, defenseless, lost. Self-serving, I insisted upon taking her to the airport. She, the one upon whom I had transferred so much emotion, connection and meaning. When she turned, when she evaporated into the cloud of others, everything I had put upon her was gone. I was unmoored, shattered, defenseless, lost. "From attachment springs grief. From attachment springs fear. From him who is wholly free from attachment there is no grief, whence then fear?"

[@benttwisted210]

I read a book called "Good Grief" in my early 20s & it changed the game for me. I was able to grieve any loss in about a week afterwards, because, that's all any loss deserves, some, even less. Good book, short read, rightly so! Btw, grieving the death of someone close to you has a lot of determining factors, but, they're the ones who died, not you! Your grief is self-centered, period. I'm 58 now & that is probably my best take-away from that book. 👍

[@AlphaCrucis]

Good talk. For myself, I've never had to experience that deep of pain, but I am a very sensitive guy and very future oriented. I figured that, maybe I would find a way to deal with the pain, as some pains I expected to be traumatic ended up not be as deep and lasting as I expected, but when it comes to a relationship, I don't even want to find out. If I'm content with my life, why should I take that major risk? I prefer to minimize pain rather than maximize pleasure.

[@CapriciousBlackBox]

Never mind 24 “unique moments…..” Try instead having an amazing 32 year old daughter to show for a “failed marriage” with all its attendant trauma. Wouldn’t change a thing. 🥰

[@gamelover2222]

I think there's a reason people tend to get multiple pets of staggered ages. Pet stores are a blessing in that you could get another cat anytime you want. Women have the advantage over men that they (while they have youth and beauty) can get a new man fairly easily. The majority of men don't have the ability to find a replacement quickly, so they are forced to accept the fact at an early age that they may be alone for a long time if not for the rest of their lives. As a man, I'm personally very risk adverse. I plan my future around assurances and prefer to invest in things and people that I know will be around for the long haul. The idea that divorce is a common thing and that women won't stick around for better or worse, richer or poorer, is just disgusting to me. You are very blessed if death is all you have to worry about.

[@recon_jon6151]

I cracked up on that ocean bit., But no for me the pleasure is not worth the pain. I like finding happiness within myself and very little beyond that.

[@pmonster6339]

Jennifer, I think I can see and hear your pain. I don't want to patronise you. Been there. Still am. The pain and worry is excruciating. I do love your streams of consciousness. Perhaps "love" is the wrong expression. I'm a bloke. Mid 50s. Crying is alien to m in public. Will keep this brief. Much love to you and Zippy.

[@darrenfullmer8062]

I just lost my wife of 30 years and someone else that I loved and I’m in so much pain

[@12B4Christ]

Im wondering why the story is about pain, and not focused on all the joys in life... That alone is choice. The will to choose positives and joy requires concentration, until it becomes hardwired. It is just like smiling requires fewer muscles than frowning yet, there so many are with frowns and scowls. Im always amazed with people who have seemingly permanent smiles...it is a choice they've made and made it stick!

[@CapriciousBlackBox]

“Insurmountapassable” I’m stealing that 😎

[@naturalobserver1322]

As one man told me: pets are basically just future heartaches.

[@brandonroach2097]

The cost of love always seems to be on terms you aren't given upfront.

[@boswelloraptor]

I had my German sheperd put down 3 days ago to avoid a horrible death by spleen rupture, or one of the many tumours in his torso. He was such a tough boy; for example, he once ploughed into a garden chair and knocked a couple of teeth out, and he didn't even make a sound. Hearing him whine when he wanted to move showed how much pain he was in, and that was with painkillers as well. We had a few days with him after the checkup to spend time with him, comforting him, until the time came to put him out of his misery before the inevitable arrived. We had a dog a who died a couple of years before we got him. She was in agony so my parents took her to the emergency vet, and someone cut in front of my parents with their cat, and before my parents could get her looked at, she had died alone in the car boot. My parents haven't quite got over that in the 13 or so years it has been, and they were NOT about to let our boy die so terribly, and so we let him go gently by injection. He had no concept of death and liked the vet, so he got the best way out. I'm struggling to unlearn all my habits around him, as I've had him from when I was 13/14 until almost 26 years old. He was there for all of my hardest years and I'm going to miss him dearly

[@scott2394]

I am sorry about what you're going through. I am a recluse who would love to have an animal to take care of. But I can't bear the thought of knowing I will potentially lose the closest thing to me in about 15 years. I think it would be easier to cope with if I had a wife.

[@toddjohnson271]

There are similarities in concept......however, the severity of risks vary as well as the loyalty and love between pets and people is quite different.

[@dustinpribble1546]

Not a migtow but not actively looking and will have to take someone exceptionally special... not bcuz of crying pain or anything but bcuz of loyalty. The type of loyalty I have isn't cheap. I have been burned bcuz of people's lack of loyalty and if I'm gunna give u the "grab the shovel, don't ask questions" loyalty I expect the same as a equal measures energy exchange. Expectations can be a self fulfilling down fall so it must be shown within the character of the person

[@infinitedurr]

Grief is the other face of Love.

[@mattjohansen5160]

Good comments Jennifer. Most single men aren’t really MGTOW, but they probably are skeptics. It takes a lot of hope to think you can find, and maybe effort to actually find, a sincere and devoted woman. I haven’t given up yet.

[@ivanfontaine8855]

Hi Jenn .We only have today,realisticlly.I love listening to you ,just saying whats on your mind.I have lost, like all of us do through life some earlier than others.Hug your hubby every morning .

[@steelearmstrong9616]

Love is anxiety. Life is suffering. Attachment is suffering. In the end nothing matters. Drop the character and live for today. Tomorrow does not exist. Remember, it’s just a ride………. Bill Hicks

[@cozysheltie3297]

I think this is an important video; thank you for making it.

[@Melbournelost66]

I know how you feel. I recently went through the same with my dog Milo. My beautiful dog of 11 years had to be put down with Transitional Cell Carcinoma (bladder cancer). Losing him was painful, no more greetings on arrival from work, losing my best friend was hard to take. Yes money came into it but I had pet insurance. I'm a single man, been on my own for years, so losing him was like losing a child. Loss is tough but we all go through it... What a beautiful woman you are. Your husband is a lucky man 😊. PS I will get another dog and I hope I find a lovely woman like you one day. All that white racism propaganda is just left wing media junk.

[@richardross7219]

It is better to love and lose than to never have loved before. I've lost 3 Newfies and a wife. They were all equally painful at first. With time the dogs got less painful within a year or two. The wife gets less painful at a much slower rate. I have 39 years of good memories of us together. It was ticks in our area that killed all 4. I did not get any more pets because our area is too dangerous. Good Luck, Rick

[@geremychubbuck3730]

Prayers for your kitty. I've been there more than once. It it the price of pet parenting unfortunately. God bless. 🙏

[@kylebroflovsky6015]

Hello Jennifer, A good session of observations. We are only allowed to look back to our past. If we were allowed to see the future, we would, most people anyway, would be either paralyzed by inaction or run headlong to that future. Of course, would we be seeing A future or THE future? Our only knowledge of the future is our death, that is all we are allowed. That is the Faustian bargain you are describing. A person could be in love with someone of great physical beauty, but, mating with that person will mean no children or heirs as that person’s beauty fades, as Mother Nature and Father Time dictate. On the other hand, one could pair with a person who does not meet their standards of physical beauty, but, produce a family of children who all become productive adults. I have not cried in 15 years since the passing of my father. To date, I’ve experienced circumstances which should have brought me grief, sob inducing grief. I didn’t. I do not have an explanation. I grew up on a farm and cannot count the number of animals which I had to bury. Two of them were dogs I cared for. I resolved then at 11 years old I would not ever have any pets since they would end up dying for me to dispose of again.

[@GTOberfest]

Putting pets down is the worst.

[@sergetinc1344]

Pain is subjective. I love my dogs before their death but I was already condition to know life will end.

[@IndyMotoRider]

Haven't dated since my divorce 10 years ago. No. It's not worth going through that again. I say this knowing that "all women" aren't like my ex. Doesn't matter. A heart can only handle so much.