Deaf Parents: Voice with Hearing Children?

[@EkasignsforDHH]

I'm Cuban American. I was born here in the states, but my parents were born in Cuba. At home, we didn't speak much English. It was important for my parents that I maintain my Cuban identity. There is nothing that my parents could do outside of our home, but they did not want me to lose my language, my culture. As much as possible at home, we spoke only in Spanish. So I understand how important language is with cultural identity. Thank you for your thoughts. Also, I wanted to add, you mentioned that the ASL would get linguistically "messed up" from the voicing. I want to add that the English would also get messed up for a lack of understanding that there are 2 separate grammars. It would help children to know that they are dealing with 2 separate languages and therefore two grammatical structures. If Deaf parents with hearing children are concerned for their children's English...it's better to maintain the two languages separate.

[@awti]

Your real-world experience is beautiful! (by the way, I just watched some of your videos and subscribed. Note to viewers, check out ASLforlearning's channel if you want to see great videos of kids and adults signing!) And thank you for bringing up how not using voice with hearing children will boost their English skills - YES SO TRUE! I'm so glad you commented on that and I hope to see your perspectives in future episodes of That!Vlog :-D

[@stephrodite]

This is also a great way to illustrate why it hinders ASL students to be allowed to mouth the words while they're signing. Even if we're not voicing, we're hearing the words in our head and end up veering more towards simcom, instead of developing our ASL grammar. Even when I'm not mouthing it's hard to make my brain silent. ... I'm workin' on it.

[@richardsonparkpta3179]

+Stephanie Smith I agree! I have also had interpreters whisper the words when they are signing. It is so distracting when trying to have a conversation. I would rather have to focus on the signs. My reading skills are weak. I would love to be able to read sign better.

[@DEAFCOUNSELING]

A big THANK YOU for articulating so clearly what every Deaf parent of a CODA needs to know. As Deaf therapists, we have been witness to too many family sessions when Deaf parents and CODAs were unable to communicate effectively with each other, not just because of typical parent-child struggles, but because of language issues. We always emphasize the importance of voice-off when signing with children. Unfortunately, our advice is sometimes dismissed as being radical or "too Deaf". We appreciate your taking the time to make this great video - the message is powerful coming from a CODA. Americans can be guilty of placing too much importance on choice, but language and the parent-child relationship should not be a choice. For those Deaf parents who are trying to stop voicing with CODAs, the transition can be painful and very difficult. In the long run, however, sticking out the transition is far less painful than ending up being unable to communicate easily with your child.

[@awti]

First, thank you so much for the hard work you do as Deaf therapists; there are many of us who have the luxury of espousing ideologies but you grapple with the reality of putting things into practice. And the reality is, as another viewer (RaVen) put it: Voice Off, ASL On! It's difficult at first but *so very awesome* at last. Thank you for your comments and I hope to see your thoughts in future episodes!

[@asljk9]

Your vlog here is awesome!! I like that you not only said it should be done but you offered why, and strategies! I know this is a different beast, but I believe the same principles apply to the situation of a deaf+hearing spouse relationship. My wife and I do our best to not speak with our son at home. He gets a lot of exposure to English from his grandparents house and everywhere we go in public. At home he is learning ASL. I find that I do at times feel like he doesn't watch me enough. But I try to remember he is young. Also, I remember reading a study of why Sesame Street was so successful. They studied when kids watched and when they looked away. When kids aren't understanding what's going on they look away. So I try to remember that and find a balance between keeping interactions simple and exposing him to more advanced ASL (not easy). He is 20 months now and excelling at both ASL and Spoken English. We aren't perfect, not even close. But great reminders like this vlog are great!

[@MsTexanDJ]

As a (retired, hearing) teacher, I agree with your points. I especially agree with the point of the languages becoming mixed into something that does not have the structure of either language, as we saw with the implementation of some of the first "total communication" programs that were started in the 1970's and 1980's. In our district's deaf ed program, we even saw CODAs whose parents moved to the area of the district where the signed curriculum was taught and asked that their hearing children take at least one class each year in an entirely signed class (as opposed to co-taught with one oral and one signing teacher, as most of the classes were taught). It was brilliant! The CODAs who did this were completely bilingual rather than having the problems with both languages that can emerge as you are describing. They could code-switch beautifully, and they had a lot of self esteem as a bilingual person rather than a child caught in-between worlds.

[@awti]

I appreciate your firsthand educational experiences! One thing that strikes me: We've already learned this lesson countless times. Why do we, as an ASL community, allow ourselves to be plunged into methods that we know don't work? I do believe that the answer has a lot to do with how we identify ourselves. I believe that we - by and large - haven't truly come to embrace our ASL identity. I hope that having conversations like these will help us get there. Thank you for your contribution to the conversation!

[@netripized]

This is an awesome episode. I do find myself using voice to my son once in a while. I think it has to do with the feeling "in the need" of having heart-to-heart conversation with my son. I noticed when I want to ensure his full attention, I sign and use my voice in a softer manner to him and notice he's paying real attention to me. After watching this episode, I asked my son whether method makes things lot easier for him to understand, he responded - sometimes with, sometimes without. I explained him, if I did "with", I'm not expressing him in a true form. He acknowledged and asked me to not to use voice from now and on... Progress under works.

[@awti]

Fascinating, Sean - I'm really touched by your conversation with your son! I think that's the thing that heartens me most about this, that the conversation is being had. Talking about it, coming to a place of understanding - awesome! Thanks for letting us in on your process!

[@richardsonparkpta3179]

Very interesting! Thank you! This has been an issue in our house. I am hearing and raised in a VERY English structured house. Both written and spoken. ASL does NOT come easy to me. My husband was raised in a hearing household, but went to the deaf school when he was in 5th grade. They taught him Signed English and were working on getting the kids to be able to function in a hearing world... (sad times for the Deaf, indeed!) So hubby signs in English word order, but has a block when it comes to hearing people. He pretty much refuses to sign with hearing people. Even interpreters, he will talk to. All of his friends and I have talked to him about signing with the kids so they understand more and so that HE understands what is going on. sigh.. not happening. I hope sharing this video with him will help. :)

[@sandygillam1382]

I am a hearing mom of two kiddos... One deaf (age 6) and one hearing(age 3). I know this video wasn't exactly made for our situation but I still benefited:) We of course use ASL and English in our home. I am doing everything I can to become proficient in ASL...This video inspired me to use ASL only with my youngest tonight ( instead of simcom) he told me to make my voice louder lol. But I think this is a great goal for me...To model for my youngest ASL--separate from English. Thanks for sharing!

[@ms.b9029]

Great video! I am a mother of CODA kids. I agree hearing children can often rely heavily on voice, as it is most natural to them. Just as interactive visual communication would be peace and reasurance for a deaf child. A parent with a deaf child has a choice of a cochlear implant that would provide a child a chance of a range of hearing. If it were me, I would learn sign language first, get to know my child, and see what would be the best for them based on who they are, not by what I think they should be. If I had a crazy atheletic risk taking kid, who did not give a crap what people thought, a coclear might destroy their entire identity. No way would I impose something like this. If it were a child who spent years thinking about hearing and felt alone... or feeling disconnected because they desparately wanted to hear music or know what sound was like, I would not hesitate on a doctors recommendation of such a device to better their quality of life. Each person has their own right. As parents we should consider that their world is not our world to make fore them. Some people would never go back to deaf and some destroy the device. Hence, the question should be more; Can we accept that some children need less voice crutches to develop the ability in bridging that connection in the language of sign?. I have seen parents destroy their hearing child's trust and desire to communicate with them, not because they are deaf, but because they are abusive and forceful. I've seen them talk down hearing people and victimize themselves so much that the kid feels responsible to make up for the damage the "world has done" to the parent. This unhealthy cycle then takes the life from the child. I have also seen how it alienates them from their hearing friends and the hearing world; isolating them and building resentment for both the parent and their own hearing. Hearing children should have the ability to develop both sign and speech. When signing with a parent, the deaf parent should foster a healthy connection with the child. Some children have developed anxiety or stress due to the inability to communicate with their parents. Keep in mind the tolerance and patience of a child is far less than the adult. If a child knows you can use sound to recognize their need then why withhold it from them? Are you afriad of something? They can feel this as a punshment or cause confusion and trust issues. Making a time for training in the manner of voice off should be clearly communicated to the child. Preparing them in a loving way provides the best reasurance for them. They are more likely going to want more of that "time together". I'd encourage allowing an individual's whole identity to be developed in and out of the deaf community. A person will have a choice when and if they will choose the deaf vs hearing community as they see fit. They may find one more supportive to their identity than the other. That may not always be in agreement of what the parent wants. Yeah it sucks sometimes; however, they may change and discover on their own that what they really want was what the parent had insisted on all along. Overall, when it comes to learning the language, turning "voice off" is important when it does not neglect the child or cause harm. Realize some children may need the parent to use the resources they have to connect to the child. Language immersion and culture development can be bulit over time and throughout periods of the day. It is important for parents to research how immigration and immersion can effect a child's mental health. If you want to build a healthy child, do the research, trust your own parenting intuition, and get to know your own child.

[@benjamingarrett5079]

The point you made about hearing mind and deaf mind being different is important. However it may also be important to include the more recent studies that CODA's have been shown to not think like deaf or hearing which can make them feel very misunderstood and isolated. Thanks for the great video, keep it up!

[@TheSimonNoble]

I was raised by one deaf parent without speech and one hard of hearing parent with speech. My Dad (who could talk) would quite often talk to my Mum in sign but to me in English - this has led to my current knowledge of sign language being terrible, considering it is the only form of communication I have with my Mum. It isn't his fault, I was a little brat who quickly realised 'hey, this talking with my mouth instead of my hands thing is much easier'. I'm taking steps to learn BSL (I'm in the UK) properly now, but it is a long trek. So deaf parents! If you can speak or you are one half of a deaf/hearing couple then PLEASE! enforce some sort of sign only rule - the look on my Mum's face when she realises I don't understand what she is saying breaks my heart and I'm sure it does hers too. Don't do it to yourself, or your kids.

[@jennifersoemer3739]

You shared an excellent thought and I heartily agreed! Ok! I come from a deaf family. By the providence of God, I married to a hearing man. He learned ASL through our relationship. Eventually, we have 4 hearing children. And of course, I couldn't talk. Therefore, they didnt have any much choice, but to learn ASL. Actually, its their first language. So we don't have any problem with signing. And again, by providence of God, we added twin nieces to our crew for past 7 years, now. They had to learn ASL in order to communicate with me. Smiling here, looking at them. Now, they are almost fluently ASL. Just because I didnt use my voice which is not my nature. So, using ASL with my children, ages are 13, 13, 13, 11, 9, and 7 without using any voice is an evidence of what AWTI shared which why I heartily agreed :). Jenna Soemer

[@rockyhall8937]

Good one my wife is hearing and I am deaf, we had 4 children all are hearing. Most of time I used my voice and sign same time. I know is hard for me. I just used asl story to my children without voice they love it also their turn tell story with asl without voice, they are very fun image in their mind to tell. I give then rule first open subject of story then where stand and who talk to give them time to understand. When I not used my voice my children used they eyes to watch what story about. That big impact on them.

[@awti]

I agree, Rocky - not using your voice but still making ASL fun for your children has a HUGE impact on your kids, perhaps more than we can know. I like your approach, keep it up man! And thanks for commenting, I hope to see your thoughts in future episodes :-D

[@amberroseosullivan5211]

this is fabulous I'd never thought of it this way and I already sign and talk with my partner and he complains I talk too slow because that's what he focused on, the voice. I won't make that mistake with my kids!

[@allisonvanetten7634]

I would recommend what you did. My fASL class in college, my professor was hearing. And although I learned a lot of signs, I realize now, with the deaf professor Who doesn't use his voice, that my ASL has really florist not being able to fall back on my first language. Just like with learning any language, when you're not able to fall back on the first one it's easier to learn the new one. And you do because you can't fall back on your first language. With having my current Prof., I have to practice both signing, and interpreting. Because he uses sign as his primary mode of communication, I have to work on knowing what he saying, as well as telling him what I want to say. I remember our first conversation, it was my first communication with the deaf person but I wouldn't your printer, and I learned to new signs. The conversation lasted maybe an hour and a half, and I learned so much. It was also really interesting because, like I said, it was my first interaction with a deaf person without an interpreter or anything like that.i've also realize that not speaking while I'm signing makes it easier to sign. Because signing is the only language where you can speak and do that language at the same time, you could do them both at the same time, but not really. Because ASL and English or whatever language you're speaking, of different syntax and sentence structure, you can't really do them both at the same time. But if you only do one it's easier to do because you're only concentrating on one language. I think no matter what language your first language is, if you're trying to learn a new language, you can't really do both at the same time. But especially with sign language because you can literally do both at the same time. Where is the width, if you're say learning Spanish and you know anguish, you can switch back-and-forth.

[@My3uce3]

After some research, I feel that deaf children should be taught sign language from birth, in fact I think all children should be taught sign language from birth. However, I am learning sign language as an older hearing adult. I don't think that I would have learned anything without sound. Maybe it is just age and an established language? But, after some time now, I am watching videos without sound and it is starting to click. Of course, I have to put the video in slow motion. I agree, CODA should learn to communicate with their parents without voice, from birth.. Don't wait until they have already learned English. And visa versa, hearing parents of deaf children should learn sign language the minute they find out that they have been blessed with a deaf child.. If they want to expand on languages, add others later..

[@junbh2]

I think it depends a lot on the teacher and if they understand well how to teach. I have had language classes where we only spoke the 'new' language, and it worked because the teacher went slow and started with things that could be shown by gestures or pointing. E.g., they often start with how to say your name or ask someone's name, and spend time pointing at different people and saying the sentence that says their name, until everyone understands the idea. New words can also be taught with pictures or mime.

[@chrissievordavis]

Hello, Awti, I came across to your video via facebook. I am a first time mother of a 9 month old hearing boy. My husband and I are deaf and we came from hearing families. My parents and siblings learn ASL. It was a blessing and still is. My husband, on other hand, grew up orally. He did not learn ASL until he enrolled at Gallaudet. His parents did not support ASL because they had this idea that ASL limits deaf individual the successes in the world. An old thinking, I presume. Anyway, I found myself vocalize the words I am able to speak to my son from time to time. I use ASL fully with him. I do notice that he likes listening with his ears than with his eyes which is normal. He is signing a little. If I sign to him, he understands rather well. To get to my point--I worked as a nanny for hearing children and their families for several years. I used both voice and sign. What helped--their parents and their native language (spoken English) used at home daily. However, the children's ASL flourished! They became temproarily bilingual and bi-cultural that way. ASL truly enhanced one child's language development by the time he was ready for preschool. I think how we communicate with our CODA vary, but it is essential for us to ensure that they use ASL, understand that ASL is part of who they are, and so forth. Now I am trying to turn off my voice and continue with ASL. So far--my son looks at me more (still doesn't like it, but is learning pretty quick now). :)

[@jillshiloski3432]

Great video! Thanks for that! I feel that they are 2 different languages and should remain separate. NO VOICE during sign! I am a CODA and learned to sign ASL like a Deaf person

[@awti]

And that's what it's all about :-) Thanks for adding your personal experience to the mix, Jill!

[@amazinglyaudrey]

I'm reminded of the documentary "Sound and Fury", which is about two families with Deaf children who are considering getting the cochlear implant for their children. The hearing mother of one of the two families is a CODA who refuses to sign or teach her children how to sign and has no ASL identity. It was very anger-inducing, sad, and frustrating to see her describe her rejection of the Deaf community and talk about how she would never want her kids to grow up that way. I don't know what her childhood was like, but the kind of ASL identity that you're talking about never stuck with her. I completely agree about ASL being taught without voice to help foster a sense of separateness and pride in the language. Also, I am so excited to go to #DeaFestivalKY !! Hopefully, I'll get to see you and come say hi. I really enjoy all of your videos.

[@awti]

Ooof, "Sound and Fury" - a testament to how deficit thinking results in pretty devastating self-fulfilling prophecies. Glad there's a better way! Lookin' forward to meeting you at #DeaFestivalKY, too!

[@japaneseillustratednotebook2]

I teach foreign languages (not ASL), and I agree with you 100%. Learners should not mix languages because you will gravitate towards your dominant language and tune out the other language. If I write notes on the chalkboard in a Japanese class and I write おにぎり 🍙 and "rice ball," do the students' eyes go to the Japanese first and struggle to sound out the characters o-ni-gi-ri (which happens to be a ball of rice)? No, they go straight to the English translation and read rice ball because our brains are efficient and want to know the meaning quickly. I require target language and drawings in notebooks, no English writing on that page (on the back of the page is ok). We don't translate into English when speaking in class, we use "comprehensible input," meaning using pictures and gestures and contextual clues and explanations in the target language to clarify meaning. Use of English helps understanding but hinders learning/language acquisition, so find other ways to clarify meaning. If the goal is language learning/acquisition, leave out the English/voicing.

[@calebwisinger2896]

As a Deaf Mother... My children are fluent in ASL I'm proud to say yes what Awti say is true! I do use my voice once in while but most of time ASL and I get a lot of compliment how fluent they are as CODA!!!!

[@awti]

Thanks so much for commenting! I've had this conversation one-on-one with SO MANY people but now that this conversation is posted online, I'm very excited to see others' perspectives and experiences - like yours :-D Sounds like you're getting great results for your kids, keep it up!

[@akgreengirl9876]

Thank you! This clarified for me my need to turn off my voice when I sign with my hard of hearing child. Not only will it help him but also me in being able to learn more signs. Thank you thank you, you are awesome.

[@EkasignsforDHH]

Also, loved your comments about how children's jobs are to gripe at what parents' expectations are.... so true!

[@awti]

THAT! So we can't get angry at kids for not going with the flow; as the responsible, loving adults, parents need to be honest about what works and determined to help their kids get there :-)

[@blossom4asl]

Wow great vlog! I come from a semi deaf family. My grandparents are deaf my mom is hard of hearing and I'm hard of hearing. My grandparents had 4 children 3 of whom are hearing and my mother being the only one. Somehow she never learned sign and all her siblings did I also learned ASL but then went to mainstream school it changed to signed English. I never understood why my mom never learned sign she said she rather speak and read lips to me i feel like she is embarrassed I embrace my ASL identity unlike her and my hearing loss as well. But I ended up being the only one to use sign with my grandparents. I love ASL and teach it to children. I got my ASL back after I went to Gallaudet. I guess you would call my family confused? But it's interesting everyone's backgrounds.

[@vmakjvms]

Thank you Austin! Very very good awareness for deaf community in all.... I enjoyed watching your vlogs keep up the good works.... God Bless You... Julie

[@aguabo]

Hey thankssss! You are our true ally in helping both Deaf and Hearing people by bringing them together. I used to complain that there were not enough told testimonials by CODAs or interpreters. Now here you are! I want to see more more more from you and others. Also your replied comments seem very candid, logical and very engaging! You rock! Mwahhh!

[@alexsuucha]

Wow you are totally spot on with this! As a hearing person, this is my perspective/opinion: My boyfriends 7-yr-old son sucks at signing!! And both his--> [7-yr-old] parents are deaf. I was dumbfounded when my bfs son was telling me to "tell my dad___." ALL THE TIME! I was like, "Seriously? Tell him yourself." lol ...and his response to me was "It's too hard." That broke my heart. My new rule with him is that anytime he is in my house he needs to turn off his voice and sign. He whined and complained about it AS YOU HAD MENTIONED, and said *whining* "...but you can hear me." I said too bad, you need to learn....and your signing is so sloppy, when you sign and talk at the same time, you might as well be waving you hands meaningless in the air. lol He said, "but I'm talking to YOU...NOT my dad." And I told him "that doesn't matter because your dad would like to know what you are saying too." Anyway....He thanked me, later, and his signing has drastically improved. And as a hearing person-I do not like SimCom-I just start listening and the signing means nothing. Then when the voice stops-I'm lost. Not because I don't understand sign, but because I wasn't paying attention to the signs and I just had to switch my brain/thinking to another language. So anyway...that is my reply. -Alexis

[@colosweden]

Makes sense! I went to oral deaf school for three years and learned first sign language in 1984. Learning in ASL is never too late. We will do best our Coda boys. By the way, I liked your idea as I believe that shut the voice would help lot better in learning ASL plus take some patience will achieve in learning ASL. Thank you!

[@awti]

Absolutely, Charles - early is best AND it's never too late. Thanks for commenting!

[@colosweden]

Yes, the early the better. My boys can sign but needs to adjust better in overall. I agree with you. I am learning new everyday. Thanks for dropping by.

[@awti]

Charles Carlson Hahh, "thanks for dropping by" - I like that! This is really our home, isn't it? Love it :-D

[@deafranger8097]

100% AGREE! My son (H) and daughter-in-law (D) started this with their daughter (H). Now her first language is ASL which is major importance because she spends time with her mother and needs to know how to communicate with her mom. She has signed so well and is only 3 years old. My wife (H) and I (HH) both sign and see them on VP several times a week. We believe that the major culture of the home must be Deaf Culture. There will be plenty of time for her to learn the speaking. My son has now been working with her to speak. But they insist that she always sign so Mom can be included. More could be said, but for this comment, enough said!

[@awti]

Enough said and all of it good! Thanks for sharing your experience with your granddaughter - this approach is clearly bringing you all closer!

[@ASLInterpreterSHansen]

Hi Awti~! What a great vlog!!! You just filled up my box for the week ;o) (My "something new to learn and ponder"box) Here is what I see as being tricky..One parent is Deaf and the other is Hearing...and the rest of the family (grandparents, cousins etc..) are hearing. The Coda and hearing family mbrs speak and sign so that they understand each other at the detriment of the quality of signing communication. Super frustrating for the Deaf parent when the family A)doesn't sign, B)signs poorly speaking at the same time, and everyone is mildly annoyed a lot of the time purely because of communication challenges...I am putting this into my fav vlogs, and am going to carry it with me from now on when the subject comes up...Voices Off ASL On! Big hug!!! Thanks again for posting!

[@simoshanny]

Funny story - my new partner, kids (ages 4 & 2) and I were talking about how best for them to learn ASL so that they can become more involved when we go to ASL community events and hang out with my Deaf friends. We decided that we are going to start having silent dinner (sign only) once a week, among other things. My chatterbox 4 y.o. agreed it was a good idea then said "but mama, you need to also talk at the same time so I understand what you are saying." LOL! I had to explain to her that eventually she would begin to understand without the English to support (undermine?) it.

[@awti]

True that! Such a great conversation you had with your 4-year-old and THAT is exactly the kind of healthy discussion we need to be having! Good on you, Shannon! I believe that most of us know what we need to do... the tough part is actually doing it. You're doing it and I'm eager to know what kind of results you see, down the line. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, not just on this episode but on multiple episodes. Love it!

[@bobbyskedsmo]

When I had a puppy (Yorkshire Terrier), he knew 15 signs in a year. I did not use my voice at all. That way forced her to learn signs with her own eyes. He was house dog. He never saw any dog for a year regardless of hearing barks from the neighbors. I believe that she should not hear my voice when taught her signs until she understood my deafness. She knew me as Deaf person. She always called me by physical contact for any reasons. I still and sorely miss her since 7 years! Her name was Poppy.

[@efratrosenberg6027]

Awti, My mom is deaf, and even though I have my own child now I teach him ASL for two reasons 1. So he can talk to my mom (his grand mom) and 2. so that he can communicate in most situations. I remember that when I was young that my mom had a rule in her home we couldn't use our voice. If we did (even if she understood us) she would ignore us. I do the same now with my son (and random other kids that come to my home after I teach them or other CODA kids). I feel it really helps with their development and its a bonus because they learn a second language when their brain is still growing so its the best time for them to learn!!!!

[@DeMiTriDreams]

Some hearing parents may not take the time to learn asl for their deaf kids but why don't we look at it in the same way when deaf parents don't take the time to learn English for their hearing children? I as a coda have always wondered why this is this way.. it isn't fair honestly.

[@kaitlinstackwhitney3438]

thanks for this. As a hearing parent of a Deaf kiddo, I would say this also applies for supporting hearing parents who are trying to improve their signing and be good role models for our kids. My husband and I are both trying to become fluent (we had some ASL ability before finding out our kid was Deaf), and it's frustrating when Deaf adults switch to simcom/using their voices with us when they find out we're hearing, even though we're signing with them. With learning any language, you learn the most from native users. It'd be much better to sign slower/easier signs with hearing-parents-of-Deaf-kids who are not fluent than to use voices, for all the same reasons as in the video. (And this just happened to us again yesterday, despite being the only hearing adults at a gathering ... a gathering where we had the pleasure of meeting awti's father :-) ) Being a hearing parent of a Deaf kid who is trying to raise them as a native signer is very hard and can be very isolating, ASL-users (Deaf and hearing) can help us by not using their voices.

[@awti]

+Kaitlin Rienzo-Stack I'm so glad you got a chance to meet my Dad, Kaitlin! Thanks so much for your perspective and THANK YOU for using ASL :-D

[@2crazyLADYweaver60]

my freinds are deaf and have a young daugther 5 years old.i really liked what you said about not talking when singing to your children. i think that is very important. also i find that many deaf perants are afraid to sing and not speak to their children. afraid their children will not learn the hearing language but also i feel that many are sort of ashamed of being deaf. i always try to make them feel that their children should learn to sign first. when they ask me to interpet something to their daughter i tell them she knows how to sign tell her yourself. i feel that the hearing children need to learn to be proud of their deaf parents and to acept sign language as a very sepcial and beautiful way of talking. thank you very much for this video it helped me to undersand the reasons for shutting off the voice. i live in brasil and we use bsl.

[@alertbayDeafboy]

Fully agreed with you! I have been telling Deaf parents to please use ASL to communicate with their children. Some feel offended by my advice and some understand the important concept of the relationship between the Deaf parents and CODA. Yes it is very important for CODA to feel that they included in the Deaf world in a normal life.

[@pamelafarley2480]

Deaf since age 4, I was mainstreamed throughout college. At age 22, I learned sign from a book (Old, red, SOS book, then later O'Rourke's book). I didn't quite fit in with hearing world because I was left out of so many conversations despite my excellent, 98% accurate ability to lipread. I was rejected by Deaf community, so that didn't encourage me to pursue sign language. Met my husband at pageant and he had similar situation as mine. We have four hearing kids and we signed ASL (Hubby taught me) with the first one, but one of the grandmothers was so against signing it was causing issues so we quit signing with the kids. At home, we did total communication. Our kids used fingerspelling when working on their spelling words. Both hubby and I can read lips, speak very well, and function equally fine in both worlds. The hearing world accepts us more than the deaf world, but we are more comfortable in the deaf world so we kind of created our own world. Right now, our two adult children can sign and our high school daughter just completed an ASL class. Our youngest is interested in signing, and we don't have much contact with the grandmother against signing these days. I asked our kids their thoughts about your vlog and all of them didn't agree. To each their own. They are happy they had their experience, possibly because hubby and I are so fluent with speech and lipreading? I do find as we age, the lipreading becomes harder and we become more dependent on the signs for clarity. The kids find they sign a mixture of a word here and there and fingerspelling in other places as they speak, but it is what works for our family and hubby and I are still fluent in ASL with our Deaf friends and still fluent in speech/lipreading with our hearing friends. I guess we're the oddballs here? :)

[@awti]

Awesome personal experience, Pamela! I can't even begin to express the *huge smile* you gave me as I was reading your comments - we NEED your perspective in this discussion. Too often, we get insulated in groupthink resulting in unhealthy arguments, tearing down, name calling - pretty much what breeds the kind of rejection you mentioned experiencing. There's no place for that in the ASL community. Thank you for taking the time to chat with us :-) As for your ending question: Nah, I don't think you're the oddballs - in fact, I believe you're the norm... and that's really my point. Most of us in the ASL community currently use voice while we sign and aren't necessarily aware of any problem. That is, until we've gotten to the other side of it - after not using voice and experiencing the clarity in language and identity that genuine ASL offers, it becomes one of those things where we wonder, "Why didn't I do this earlier? How did I not see that was a problem?!" I think of it this way: The benefits of regular exercise and a healthy diet are undeniable - but let's face it, most of us don't do that... and we seem to be doing alright. Great, even! However, when we actually exercise regularly and eat well, the physical and psychological benefits become obscenely obvious. Here's the question, though: Since most of us don't exercise, don't eat well, and aren't really aware of any problem, should we as a society stop recommending it? What do you think? As for the rejection you faced, I agree - it's a HUGE problem. Again, I believe this stems from us not yet truly embracing our identity as a linguistic (ASL) community. We're divided into 'silos of auditory status' rather than united as one large group with a shared rich and powerful language. In such a community, you and your family would be assets! I really hope to see your thoughts - and hey, even your childrens' thoughts - in future episodes!

[@fenishes]

You are the best ASL teacher. Your create interesting and informative content which is relevant, while speaking or adding captions (which seem to sync perfectly with the signs without lag)! I'm an ASL student and I'm glad I found your channel. Keep up the great work!

[@Irismoon2]

I have to agree with you about turning off the voice when signing. It makes perfect sense! I am a "deaf" parent and I have 3 coda kids. Yeah, yeah..I should of done signing when they were little but growing up and being in a hearing family really makes it harder for me to communicate with ASL and plus I am the only Deaf person in the family. Anywho... when we go to restaurant, shopping or fair or whatever, I instantly sign and mostly I don't use my voice (can't hear myself any way). I turned off my CI because I cannot handle all those awlful sounds banging in my head. I will continue to NOT to use my voice and continue to sign more. Woohoo...maybe they will continue get more interested and practice more! There is hope! =D Thanks!

[@ettinakitten5047]

This makes sense to me. I don't have much connection to Deaf culture, but when I'm watching videos in a language I don't know with subtitles, I pay more attention to the video. If I can understand the dialog with hearing, I'll tend to look away and multitask. But if I need to watch to understand the dialog, I'll also watch the video, and won't multitask.

[@KisDraga]

Its the same with other languages. I'm Mexican Hungarian but only really able to fully converse in hungarian, for example, when the conversation is FULLY in hungarian. As in, the other person can't throw me a bone to "help me out". If people speak english to me, or I know they are fairly fluent in english, I just right away go English because 1) its my first language so its easier but also 2) Struggling to get it right with someone who speaks english better than I speak Hungarian is nerve wracking and usually pointless. They generally just take over with English. So half the people I speak with either assume I dont speak the language or if they dont speak english (like when I'm in HU) they are really suprised by how well I speak. I'm trying to learn more languages and its the same all around. I can only learn from people who will FORCE me to get through the struggle. (its honestly less nerve wracking that way.. I'm much less timid to use a language when I'm traveling because there is no pressure of "oh wow, your terrible. Lets just use your primary language" ) The best spanish teachers I had used the same method. They would tell students to work around the vocab they know to get their point across no english allowed. it makes sense that simcom makes it harder to really get the language down. Just as you said. Your focus is hindered.

[@heatherluschkowski5502]

As a CODA myself, my mother used SIM-COM growing up. I had never known any different, but always felt a disconnect in both worlds. It honestly wasn't until this year when I started college to become an interpreter that I realized how lost I actually felt. I'm not blaming, I just fully understood what this video was about. I felt it down to my core. This are much different now that I'm an adult. I do not use my voice at all when signing, now that I understand the importance of not mixing languages.

[@madonnasmile]

I'm so glad I found you. CODA NATION!

[@runfordeaf87]

Finally a video addressing this issue! Thank you so much! :)

[@awti]

Glad you liked the topic and I agree, this is something we don't really discuss enough; it seems to be a taboo topic, just ripe with potential for igniting heated feelings on both sides... maybe that's why it hasn't been discussed often enough? Whatever the reason, it's far too important to not discuss or, even worse, discuss with anger and emotion. Our kids - the future of the ASL community - deserve better from us.

[@runfordeaf87]

***** I agreed with you. We need to be careful with how we approach with parents. Good of you to raise awareness. The awareness is already spreading in United Kingdom and Ireland here.

[@mariapalmer-smith135]

Helllo. Wonderfull Vlog!! I, myself have a 15 month old koda. My husband and I are deaf. I m hard of hearing so I do speak pretty well-- my parents are deaf and i have two deaf brothers as well. My husband's parents are hearing but they learned to sign along with him (he is one of these lucky kids!! I loveee my parents in law) I try my best not to use my voice and sign to my son- you are right! It is harddd.. Because if I want his attention- its easier to say something like "look, Tyke" and he will look up at me and then i point and sign "frog!" without my voice. My son is amazing- he signs over 100 words and even put words together such as "more food please" or "where's daddy?". He does speak few words such as Hi, good-bye, mama, dada, all-done. I recall asking my coda cousins about using my voice with my son or not. They strongly suggested me not to! Their mom (my aunt also is hoh) was taken aback that they said that because she did use her voice with them. I def took that advice but sometimes I find myself using my voice to him. Now after watching your vlog, i m going to seriously stop doing that. part of me is afraid that he would be speech-delayed. But honestly- do i want to teach him to say words wrong- I m sure my voice is tone-deaf. a question:: Speech therapy? I was suggested to take my son to speech therapy by several friends- and my parents in law. I m sorta afraid that would confuse my son and encourage him to speak more than he signs. I feel that he will learn to speak at school or around his friends when he s older. He is only 15 months old- so I m asking you and maybe other people's opinon on about taking him to speech thearpy?? would that affect his sign language skills? would that affect his ASL identity especially this young??

[@kemageorge2194]

I am an ASL major and the more I learn, the more I feel the way I do...I feel voices should be off for one huge reason; different language = different grammar. You can't speak Japanese and English at the same time so why use ASL and English at the same time?

[@lindasmith6316]

I wanted to take ASL a long time ago because I thought it was "interesting." Then as the years went by I began to lose the hearing in my right ear-it is almost totally deaf without a hearing-aid now. So I began to take lessons with Dr. Bill Vicars on KZbin over a year ago.I really enjoy signing, and where I work I also have several Deaf customers who have helped me as much as I have helped them!

[@ccdhh1281]

Wow- goose bumps. I'm half way through your vlog and love the way you signed how hearing children's ears defeats their eyes when deaf parents use their voice. Inspiring visual! I'm guilty of voicing with my hearing son. He's two and half and I fear he won't develop his ASL identity as I'd like.

[@carlicaar]

I saw you at DeaFestival in Louisville two weeks ago. I am hoh and president of EKU's asl club. We loved your performance, and I love your vlog. I hope we continue seeing you around in KY! lml/

[@awti]

And I hope to visit KY again, too! I've had the immense pleasure of presenting / performing in your great state 4 times and every single time I'm so very impressed by your ASL community. Every. Single. Time. Keep up what you're doing and I hope to see ya again soon!

[@kyleyoung4405]

alright so im new to your channel. I am a CODA *deaf dad and hearing mother) who is just now finding my way into the deaf community (i will be taking multiple courses in asl and deaf world culture come august this year). Anyways, Yes my dad teach me some basic ASL but i didn't learned too too much. Just to understand and say enough. I WISH my dad would have turned off his voice and MADE me use ASL. You have to think it is hard on them now but later in life it only gets harder when a hearing coda learns to rely on hearing. They get into the mind set, and yes i did also, of "maybe if i complain enough they will use their voice." No. turn off your voice. Use only asl. yes it will agitate them. yes they will complain.

[@mandyburke6806]

great video! as a hearing person who has been in the process of learning ASL for quite some time..I can say from my learning experience voice off is always always helpful for learning. if I start talking and signing my skills are really crappy, and when people are talking and signing with me it makes me lazy with understand what they are signing. I forget signs I know and everything the second I hear spoken word. I would imagine a young child would be the same. our hearing brain really needs to separate the two languages until we are completely fluent in both and then we can kind of speak/sign both at the same time but it takes a lot of practice

[@kczmonkey03]

I love the analogy of hearing people being attached to hearing strings like a puppet!!! Makes perfect sense!!!!

[@suzannecampbell8032]

Thanks Awti for saying it need to share with all deaf people and KODA camp to know and see your video about it too

[@karens928]

Wow - this is a great video! What you say makes so much sense and you explain it in such a clear way. Thanks for this perspective! BTW, I am the hearing mom of a deaf son who did learn sign language for him, but always used signed English. That wonderful adult son now has a deaf wife and a little coda. They gave me the link to this video and I'm so glad they did!

[@damalseer]

AWTI asks: ok i am not deaf nor do i have deaf parents or anything to that extent but i do know a second language and it was very difficult for me to learn it as i grew older because i learned english and spanish very young, but one thing that helped me excel in both is that i did turn off one language. while at home it was just spanish but with my friends and school it was english, whenever i would messed up in either language i had someone correct me. i do agree with turning off your voice when speaking to your child because you are taking time to take in a language not just bits and pieces, but as a whole and you learn things you probably didnt know.

[@awti]

Fantastic comment, Damal - I especially appreciate your observations re: coming from a Spanish-speaking home. Thanks so much and I hope to see your thoughts in upcoming episodes!

[@damalseer]

of course, always glad to help :)

[@mai_komagata]

Was going to say the same thing. I grew up bilingual/trilingual, and the main advice they give to parents tends to be to have separate domains for language learning (e.g. school one language, home another). For a while, the kids will mix them, but eventually they learn to speak in both languages separately, and learning them both properly really helps. They might still speak mixed with their bilingual peers, but it is important for proper language development to not be taught just spanglish or something. I imagine similar issues appear with ASL and English, that they are signing poorer ASL because they are always seeing a "mixed" language if voice is on. So yeah, I think turning off voice at home (especially if they go to a non-deaf school) is valuable for proper bilingual acquisition. (plus all the stuff about identity, etc. which is also very important.

[@Carol-Bell]

Erik Witteborg has a video about codas and learning ASL, too. It's really impossible to sign true ASL and speak English at the same time... On another note, today is the first day of school. In ASL 3 I showed part of your first vlog, and gave homework to watch the rest and write a response.

[@awti]

First day of school, woohoo!!! I've been anticipating seeing how you use the episodes in class and what results from that :-D

[@JanJanners]

I am a Deaf studies major, so I am learning a lot right now about Deaf identity. I think it is better not to voice when signing to CODAs. It creates problems because they realize they don't have to rely on signing. There is an episode of Super Nanny where she deals with 3 wild CODAs who don't sign because their parents will voice for them. They listen more to their hearing older sister than they do to their parents. Better to start young and establish rules for communication, as well as encourage ASL use.

[@dinahestes5213]

Hope you already added sound on all of your fantastic Vlogs....did you? I am concerned about some CODA adults who don't sign fluently. Thumb up!

[@jamieolsen2519]

I'm a Coda and I agree with your turn the voice off video. I feel like my ASL is subpar and I don't have a true ASL identity. I feel like there's a big piece of my life that I need to get formal education for so u don't feel so out of place. Also, I am fluent on understanding ASL, but when I do it I can't remember some words.

[@awti]

+Jamie Olsen I can identify with that, Jamie!

[@crazypurplenails1]

That's true- we have 2 high school KODA kids and I don't use my voice when I use ASL with them since they born. I see many deaf parents change their ASL towards their children- they shouldn't change because they are KODA. Kids- just communicate with them normally like if we talk with deaf people everyday

[@awti]

You put it so very well: "just communicate with them normally like if we talk with deaf people everyday". SO TRUE! Deaf parents often remark, 'My hearing child looks away when I'm signing to them, so that's why I use my voice.' Understood... but what do we do when a deaf child looks away while we're signing to them? Do we use our voice? Nope, we wave, tap, gently stomp on the floor. Why not use the same communication techniques with hearing children? Thanks so much for your comment, Marcy :-D

[@jeromeowens77]

That's true! as same thing to my parent doesn't learning sign language since i was little boy. I read at their speech and behave body language as home sign. i was tough to understand and use to it with my family. I pleased watch your videos

[@pinkluzangelica]

I am half mexican and half british but I live in america. I think it is the same as having foreign parents. My mother only raised me speaking spanish (even though she speaks english) so I could make the distinction between the two languages. I don't mix the two and I now ONLY speak in spanish with my mom. I also feel a much stronger cultural tie to mexico and I feel my identity and tie to mexico is strengthened because I speak the language. a deaf parent with hearing kids is essentially the same as raising your child in a foreign country :)

[@awti]

So very true, Anna - thank you for sharing your own personal experience!

[@jmunro10]

Great thought-provoking vlog. For the longest time, I've thought you should communicate with your young children in the manner as to how you want to be able to communicate with them when they become adults. (part of my 'its all about getting them to respect/love/like you when they are 25!" parenting philosophy). However, I can see how muddled their signing (or even speech) if you try to do both at the same time - especially when I can't do both flawlessly. That said, I do agree that by turning off your voice, you will strengthen their ASL skills earlier. Also, even with turning off your voice, it does not mean you have to shut down your mouth movements (as if you were talking), And I think i will also find myself becoming a better ASL signer as well.

[@awti]

Equally thought-provoking comments, my good man! I really like how you put it, the "getting them to respect/love/like you when they are 25" parenting philosophy - that really resonates with me :-) I agree with you, turning off the voice while signing is a win/win for both the parent and the child!

[@My3uce3]

Oh, and i also realized that while in the learning process, I tend to focus on the face... Duh, and not on the hands. Sometimes the hands just disappear. I felt like a fool.. But, still eager to learn..

[@chrisgruber5130]

Oh man, thank you for this valuable info & I've learned the hard way. I always sign & talk with my son. I grew up oral until I went to Gallaudet where I learned ASL. Going to work on this & get their true identity where it belongs. Loved every bit of your vlogs.

[@awti]

Glad this info struck home for you - it certainly did for me! I grew up with my parents speaking to me and it didn't really hit me how little ASL I knew until I was 17 and I literally had the thought, "... wait... what's the sign for 'sock'? How do I not know the sign for SOCK?!" I was mortified. Turning off my voice - and asking those around me to do so - was the best thing I could have ever done for my language skills AND my identity.

[@KoriJaiden]

I agree. Deaf people should do voice off with their hearing children because it does focus you to focus on the signing more, like you said. I agree 100%. I know some KODAs that sign very poorly, and very english, and yet I know some C/KODAs that sign really well. They need to focus on the signs and not the spoken english words to learn sign.

[@moniqueperon9323]

I really enjoyed your vlog. Its a very interesting topic and I hadn't really thought of the struggle that Deaf parents might have between which language they should use. I am a resent grad of ASL and Deaf studies and I find your signing very smooth, expressive and easy to understand. I will keep watching your vlogs to help keep up my receptive skills as I have no one to sign with at this point (Haven't meet any Deaf people in Yellowknife Canada.)

[@awti]

Glad to be a resource for you - I know how tough it can be to live in an area that doesn't have much of a Deaf / ASL community. Keep it up, every little bit that each of us does, counts!

[@mrjoeybaer]

Excellent question to ponder! Will share with my CODA children and we will discuss! :) Thanks!!

[@mrjoeybaer]

I also would like to add that I am with you that voice should NOT be used when signing with CODA. I used voice often when our children were young but in last few years, I managed to stop using my voice, their signing improved dramatically!

[@MicheleWDeaf]

When my Deaf friends started having children, and if their children were hearing, the chances of them picking up ASL was largely dependent on what their parents did or didn't do. I had several Deaf friends who used voice while signing...and predictably, their kids didn't speak ASL all that well, and that later caused their parents much frustration and pain. I also had several Deaf friends who decided *not* to use their voice from day one when their hearing babies were born. Result? Their children became fluent ASL speakers. One of my friends told me and I still remember his advice, word for word: "Don't use voice with your hearing children. It confuses them. Keep it turned off all the time when they're babies/toddlers...and once they start speaking ASL and it's firmly embedded in their conscious...you can use voice when they're older, like at least age 10 or so." The voice-off option has to be done when the child is a baby/toddler. It cannot be done later. Doing it later after years of using voice is super tough and the results aren't guaranteed. You know...you got me thinking about the puppet-aspect of ears/sound...hmm. I'm thinking there are implications for Deaf people in other areas. Anyway, great post! :-)

[@user-dv1fh9vv3y]

My grandma taught sign language at a university and I'm trying to learn, but I have a really bad hand tremor...

[@marykrogers935]

When my daughter were baby/toddler- she was fluent in ASL then somehow when she entered school and started heavily relied on fingerspelling and some signs. I got bit frustrated but I didn't show it front of her because a friend of mine who happened to raise four codas and said that my daughter will start going back to ASL roots when she gets older and told me never force her to sign ASL or she will rebelled also she said to try to get her involved in deaf community as much she can and take her to coda camp that'll change her life. Now she's 11 and started using ASL more and more everyday. I guess friend of mine was right. Oh I still use my voice when I talk to her at times but mostly I don't use it.

[@ASLMasterTutor]

As a Deaf individual, I've witnessed deaf parents voicing with their hearing children, grow up dropping signs or "S.E.E." mode and friction continued to exist in their relationships. So, I've been advocating new Deaf parents with CODAs to off-voice, use ASL - now the family are happily and effortlessly communicating with each other fluently. Start from first day of their birth - early as possible and keep at it. Slowly build from one word, to few words, then a short sentence, then jokes, and finally stories. You'll see your KODAS brilliantly come up with fantastic fun/ny stories - enjoy their vivid facial expression that makes conversing in signs come alive. Voice-off, ASL-on! ;) RaVen

[@awti]

"Voice-off, ASL-on!" I LOVE IT!!! Thanks for commenting on this episode, RaVen, I always love seeing ya :-)

[@jennypartain3734]

Fantastic!!!! I'm Deaf and have 4 kids under 8 and your vlog just made me so proud and empowered too! Thank you! I don't use my voice when I'm talking but I do use my voice when I call for them (know this is lazy to do, wonder if that gives mixed message, umm, thoughts?). There are still some times I have to remind my children to turn their voices off when talking to me. Wonder why they do that? Anyways, thank you for bringing this up!!!

[@awti]

Hahh this is all so familiar! Using your voice to call for them, yep - I'm not concerned about that. Truth is, I love hearing my parents' voice from time to time :-) When it comes to conversation, I find that my ASL (both receptive and production) improves A LOT when they don't use their voice. As for reminding your children to turn their voices off when talking to you: That's completely normal - we hearing people get stuck in that 'mouth-talking' mindset and NEED your help to remind us that the clearest way to communicate is by turning off our voices.

[@netripized]

***** That's good to know because I do use my voice when calling out for their attention.

[@DeafEllen]

I don't have children yet myself but myself and my partner are considering adopting kids. We have planned to use ASL at our home. We wont use voice with ASL because hard to focus on two languages at same time, English and ASL without losing lingusitic features of both. Either English will suffer or ASL will suffer. Plus my partner is hearing, and she learned ASL. We have a rule that we dont' use voice with ASL unless she's in the car and I voice to her as she doesn't have Deaf eyes for driving with ASL yet. I am the oldest in hearing family and my youngest sibling,when he learned how to talk, he copied my deaf speech which caused him some problems. I realize when I have kids, I don't want to do that or to my sibling's kids. I told them I will primarly use ASL with them, their kids and my kids. Its little tricky with older generation as they think and want voice with ASL but they're trying to use ASL more and less voicing now with me. I can't speak for other Deaf parents, It depends on them. I do recommend at least a time with no voicing at least so kids can benefit from focus on one language, appreciate the richness of ASL.

[@DeafJapanTV]

Hey fellow CODA Awti! Here's my video response and advice for Deaf Parents with Hearing Children: kzbin.info/www/bejne/epKoaGWwe7J-h9E CODA Danny Gong

[@awti]

Hello, Danny, I was so pleased to get this video comment from you! I chuckled when I saw the sign you used for Coda, thanks for sharing it :-) Your multi-cultural experiences are fascinating and you raise an *extremely* good point (timing 3:10) regarding hearing Codas benefitting greatly by associating with Deaf peers - but that the ratio of hearing : Deaf should be taken into account. TRUE DAT! I'm subscribed to your channel, am watching your videos this evening, and I totally recommend my viewers to do so as well. Keep it up!

[@DeafJapanTV]

Hi Awti, thanks for your nice words. I'm glad that I could make chuckle. I've often used your Deaf Ninja and Transformers video to show to my Deaf Japanese students. They are always amazed at how creative Classifiers can be. Also thanks for subscribing and sharing the word out!

[@meganluck9132]

I do think that deaf parents need to turn off their voices to sign with their hearing children just as hearing parents need to learn ASL to connect better with their deaf children.

[@anangelforchris]

I am hard of hearing and legally blind (can only see out of my right eye). I perfer for someone who is teaching me ASL if they use their voice. Not only that but if they think I am having trouble understand a sign to tell me to relax then take their hands and mold my hands into the right sign or use something called tactile sign.

[@74Lifegoeson]

What you say, is complete correct as I feel not close to my children because they refused to sign to me. My grandchildren do not sign to me either because parents say that granmma can speak. But they don't realized it is hard to lipread and it is hard to communicate. I feel so guilty with this. I don't know what to do now...

[@ilovejennings]

it's true also for ASL students and future interpreters...sometimes Deaf folks code switch into Eng and voice-on when they sign with hearing folks...but that won't help them become proficient at ASL! turn off those voices & let the ASL fly!!!

[@awti]

Very good point! "Voice Off = ASL On" for everyone!

[@TheStralie]

I'm from Sweden who do not want to put myself in the American discussion, but I can not help it. :) It's absolutely essential that you raised regarding CODA. Not only that but it is also the mother tongue which is a key to language development all the time. Is not there native language where there is no language development. As much for both deaf children with hearing parents and hearing children with deaf parents.

[@MochaAddict948]

Haha, I love your shirt. Very apt! Also: your vlog name ("That"). Dead-on perfect. One complaint: how come all of these vlogs center on "ASL-identity" and not on "deaf identity"? As a deaf person who uses Cued Speech to communicate, it feels like an exclusion. Divisive. That's my one quip.

[@esppresentssudderth3901]

thank you for this video i m a child of a hearing impaired DEAF MUTE mom, dAD WAS HEARING HE IS DECEASED NOW , BUT I LEARNED TO SIGN AT AN ADULT AGE . MOM DIDNT SIGN TO US BUT DID LIKE A HOME MADE SIGNS . I WILL BE WATCHING MORE OF YOUR VIDEO I AM NOT AS PROFICIENT BUT I AM MORE THAN PASSABLE I CAN SIGN .

[@calilakeboi88]

I'm a coda and just the other day I was talking about this exact thing to my parents and their friends. I completely think that deaf parents with codas should try and turn their voices off, granted I know it can be especially hard for the parent to do, especially for someone like my dad who is an extreemly vocal deaf man. lol. anyways I had this epiphany when I started studying ASL that shutting your voice off won't only improve your childs signing but their ability to to be understood and understand you which can solve alot of fustration. I remember as a kid and even as an adult knowing that it would be pointless to try and explain things to a detailed level and it left me feeling very frustrated. I would often be frustrated with my parents because I would sign to them in a English structure evrytime I wanted to explain something in detail, " in SEE" and it would confuse them. even though my parents taught me ASL it all got kinda mixed. Now that I am studying ASL and am improving my sign identity I finally sorta feel liberated and understand ASL at a more deeper level in which equates to understanding my parents and vice versa at a more deeper level. At first I thought that maybe all Codas should be taught ASL classes, but then I realized it was because I depended on my parents voices all my life, though I still think ASL classes are good shutting your voice off will absolutely help. There is one time where I think it's good to use your voice alot though, I think when they are just born and babies it's good to give some auditory feedback for development to your little hearing babies. I wonder what would be the best age to start turning voices off, Anyways thankyou for reading.

[@moniquemikus1844]

I am not a CODA nor do I have a deaf child, we have a large community of deaf people in our area and I hate to see them struggle to order or ask questions at stores etc... so my question is what would you recommend to help become fluent in ASL? I simply want to be able to help and I have some background in sign I know a bit but not sure about sentence structure and so on. What would be some good resources to learn??? My journey to relearn what ASL I did know began while I was working at a fast food restaurant and we had several regular deaf customers and after watching them go through the song and dance of passing notes and so on, the customers didn’t mind it is just a fact of their world, but I thought how wonderful would it be to be able to communicate with them in their language so that is where I am, Bill Vicars KZbin channel has been a massive help but I truly would love to become more fluent

[@jessebolger1947]

I grew up with a hearing father, deaf mother, hearing older brother and deaf younger sister. I only know English sign as that's the way I was raised. I feel left out of the conversation a lot now as an adult when we are all together and they use ASL but I don't know it. My brother is in school to be an ASL interpreter so he will fill me in on what I'm missing using voice. What would be a good way to learn ASL? English sign is all I really know.

[@awti]

The best way I know to learn ASL is to associate with those that use it; and the best way I know to do that is to volunteer in a Deaf association of some kind. Going to Deaf Night Out (and other social events like that) are not the best for learning ASL. The best thing is to give - that's how you'll get the most. May you find what you're looking for, my friend!

[@karmeneastwood1464]

I love languages. In that love of languages and in learning different languages I have meet many people. I have seen both parents and children regret not knowing their heritage and family language. With children especially, I have felt and heard the regret. I have a friend of Mexican heritage, both his parents chose not to speak Spanish in their household. This left my friend feeling a sepration with his extended family. When his cousins, uncles and aunts came to visit he was left with guessing and frustration trying to communicate and feeling like a fool for not understanding and having heartache in not knowing his family better. I have countless stories like this. In my own family.. I have three cousins with a Japanese mother.. In their household both Japanese and English is spoken. My cousins are bilingual and proud of and connected with their family and culture. Please share your culture and language with your children... They will not resent you for that, quite the reverse I can almost guarantee... They will be thankful! By the way they will have countless opportunities to practice a hearing lifestyle if they are hearing or learn English if they are in an English speaking country... Give 'em a boost by honing an extra language if you have that power to give! Thank you!!! Thank you!! Thank you!

[@starofsorrow]

Those are all great thoughts! My thoughts and questions - what if you're an aunt/uncle, and you want your nieces/nephews signing, but their parents (IE, your siblings) do not know sign language? I'm currently facing that issue myself, and I'm trying to encourage my family to pick up sign language. (My mother finally started taking ASL classes this year with SO's mother! That's something I'm thrilled about!)

[@1deafmarykay]

I agree with you Austin to turn off the voice when signing but I did not realize that is because being hearing means the child would use his hearing first unless voice was turned off. I tried with my first born to get him to make eye contact so if he doesn't make eye contact I would not grant his wish until he looks at me. My husband had other ideas when he wanted something my husband gave in. My first born was signing and picking up signs until he started preschool. So I regret sending hi to preschool too early. So he stopped signing and now he is adult living in another state. You are correct if I start over I would turn off my voice. Another problem is that I grew up with hearing parents who sent me to oral school and believed in oral method. So my dad always said my speech improved in the summer when I socialize more with hearing and then during the school year my speech gradually declined due to signing more. :-/

[@junbh2]

I am an english speaker but also speak french and polish somewhat fluently. I can't imagine what would happen if I tried to speak english while trying to write down everything I said in french at the same time. Most likely I would make a lot of mistakes in both languages (especially in french since I don't speak it as well as english). Very best case scenario I would talk and write in slow motion with a lot of pauses. I didn't learn french or polish that way (because it would be nuts!). I learned them by using different languages at different parts of the day.

[@junbh2]

Also, my parents speak english fluently after so many years in Canada, but I still sometimes feel like I'm seeing more of their true sense of humour and ideas when they speak Polish... I'm very glad I can understand them when they speak their first language. Whatever you do make sure you and your kids can understand each other well!

[@tededelen40]

Yes, turn off voice while use Asl talking to child. But interesting experiences impact me once have many kids it will weaker Asl to younger kids than oldest kids bec oldest kids has no influence by hearing culture in Deaf parents their homes. But later time , once oldest bros and sis in 4 grades or up they automatically use voices to play neighbors hearing friends and youngest will look up and trying fit into having friends in their lives in daily. Same things to my sister's kids they are Mexician speaking . So their oldest speaking so fluent in Spanish but their youngest kids can't fluent in Spanish too. I find it interesting that we have common struggle same as theirs too .

[@rbilz]

Hearing infants of Deaf parents should be treated just as they would treat their deaf infant. Would a Deaf parent use their voice with their deaf child? Why would they treat their hearing child differently? Hearing children will learn speech naturally through listening to other hearing people talk, tv, radio, etc. Deaf parents should not treat their hearing children any differently than they would treat a deaf child.

[@estherramallolopez1228]

Totalmente de acuerdo, I'm Coda Spain, entiendo ASL pero si puedes poner subtitulos para mi mejor. Thank you

[@danfitzgerald2195]

i grew up with hearing parents and im hard of hearing and when i was younger i felt like my parents were forceing ASL on me so i got them too stop but back 2-3 years ago i stared ASL studies again (when i was at CCM with you, so hi) now my question is were my parents doing something wrong when they tried to get me to learn or was i just a little brat of a kid???

[@0307jnelson]

Oh my goodness! I have 2 deaf children, I'm hearing and this CAN NOT be MORE true!

[@hfrankery]

This is great! Thank you so much.

[@deafpr22]

I love to watch you and learn a lot . I support all CODAS and interpreters and hearing who tried to learning ASL . I will send all deaf community everyday . They will wake up and respect you and all CODAS and interpreters and hearing people too. I am telling you that I am deaf with hearing family . My family is support me as well . I am one of lucky who my family know sign language as well. She helped me to go 3 different deaf schools in all my life. Also she does understand about ASL as well.

[@marykaysalter1870]

To be true native deaf person will knows the best for their heredity run in family. I am strongly believes to be benefit to CODA children learn signs with no voice that will bold them in right path and learn there is have BOTH worlds in their life. But I am newly genetic starts the deaf family. I am passion in children's future. Good show, Austin :)

[@KevinGDaSilva]

You nailed it. Shared this with my friends.

[@awti]

When you, sir, say that I've nailed it - that's when I know it's true :-) Good to see your comment, Kevin, my man! Thanks for sharing!

[@camelamcclain8286]

This is awesome. Thank you!

[@awti]

My pleasure, Camela - thanks for commenting!