Bachelor in Paradise: Roses and Rose: Jordan is the Best -- Tia, Colton and Chris are the Worst

Lauren Zima is back to recap season five of Bachelor in Paradise! This week we break down episodes four and five, in which we hit a breaking point over Tia and Colton and fall completely, head-over-heels in love with Jordan. As always, please drink responsibly!
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[@joakuz]

„Women, don’t put the pressures of culture and society on yourselves! You get better with age!” 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻✨✨✨ YESSSS LAUREN! Thank you girl!

[@sheilac5328]

Except Jacqueline was joking....

[@scriabina]

I thought Jacqueline was being sarcastic too.

[@orlaw.8213]

Yep that girl sounded pathetic, only 27 and acting like she is really young.

[@stefcoll2972]

I'll pick Joe over leo any day.

[@texasgina]

Stef Coll Leo has a sketchy vibe. He seems like he would be a player and a cheater in a relationship

[@sherrifrazier5722]

Yes!!!!!

[@vivianbroda3900]

Same!!!!!

[@doreen4996]

I would pick Joe over Leo anyday. Joe seems like a very cool guy! Leo is a total jerk!

[@marcgalvan9360]

i dont see the appeal that Chris has, if anything its more of a repellant.

[@Judyssma]

That's harsh bro

[@Shewas-kathybates]

He’s good looking it his personality is just a big turn off for me personally

[@miadaug]

I know this was a year ago but I TOTALLY AGREE! How he married Krystal is beyond me. He is so ugly and had the worst personality lol

[@Isabella-iu8zr]

The Pokémon song with Tia and Colton was comedy GOLD

[@briannairene185]

Isabella Bacchiocchi YES

[@emmaripley9688]

There is a lot of physical chemistry between Kendall and Leo, but the guy called himself an alpha which is one of the biggest red flags.

[@laurenj6974]

And he was talking to Kendall saying stuff like "when someone is my woman, they're mine" and I'd be shocked if Kendall would chose to be with someone who is so possessive

[@projectkj7643]

That guy's actions scream "ABUSER! RUN!" to me!

[@meggy0]

Kendall should pick Joe. He's way more attractive and charming in that 'not trying to be' way. The worse the Bachelor franchise gets, the better you are, Lauren, and I'm totally for it.

[@callieestra1095]

Madison Hutz Kendall is very obviously not into Joe

[@nataliiay646]

Sooo true! Lauren is getting better)

[@scriabina]

Joe deserves someone who is head over heels for him and sees a long-term future with him. Unfortunately for Joe, that is not Kendall. :-(

[@savannahlay-fawks1753]

The whole Tuesday night episode I just kept saying: "JOEEEEEEEE" in a sad voice. I love him so much! My heart hurt for him!

[@sherrifrazier5722]

Savannah Lay-Fawks meeeee tooooooo!!!

[@Yeseniafdp]

JOOOEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Yeeessssssssssssss

[@marie-andreehueglin9051]

Don't drink every time Lauren Zima makes you laugh out loud in this video cause you'll be on the floor...or in the sand! I'm with you on the unacceptable comment! That should not have aired!

[@Skeptique]

The weirdest thing about it is that they did not laugh. Even though it would have been a tasteless joke, a joke is better than how that actually came across.

[@Ela11432]

Should not have been aired and should not have been said in the first place!

[@meme-qg2gq]

that skit was so cheesy i was thinking the same thing. not worth all the hassle of flying them there and everything lol.

[@rhondavanderbeek8006]

xo B Agree. But I did like seeing Ben H again. Yuki’s “bes fren” 🙂

[@laurenj6974]

Also the people they chose have no personality.... like, none of them. They're all so boring anyways, nobody cares

[@KattaaTatt]

The conversation Chris had with Tia with Krystal there, showed some real mentally abusive, toxic, gas-lighting behavior 😷

[@nomadchica]

Completely. Textbook gaslighting. Sprinkled with a little psychopathic behavior.

[@cavefacts2660]

Yea, that was INSANE. I wanted Lauren to call it out harder. I wasn't worried about Tia because it's easier to handle gaslighting when other people (or cameras) are listening, but I was just imagining Chris doing that shite with all his exes when no one else was around to keep things grounded in reality, and it made me ENRAGED. I'm glad Krystal was sitting right there hearing it too. If she still wants that, nobody can save her. At least she got the info. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[@KattaaTatt]

It’s like when someone messages a women that they’re interested, and she declines, the pursuer does a 180 and calls her names. I don’t even know how Krystal was still interested. Gross.

[@LoLo-rt7iv]

RUN KRYSTAL RUN

[@joakuz]

Ok, this might be the best episode of R&R ❤️ So many great moments! TWO scenes with JC, Lauren singing Pokemon song and hating on head band! Mhhmmm 🥂🍾🌹 LOVE IT!

[@ChelseaGibsonTherapy]

Krystal was my fav in this triangle moment! With her cocktail and how she handled it. Mature. And gorgeous bikini!

[@Skeptique]

She is beautiful and I always found it hard to hate her. She was redeemed before she even came on BIP because Arie turned out to be such a womanizer all that talk about Krystal being disrespectful towards him seems a bit absurd now.

[@Gorgeousbyalyssa]

Chris....BYE. He's just way too insecure and puts his ego on the counter like no one cares. Colton and Tia WHY ARE YOU HERE. I'm over it, is this the Tia and Colton show? Crystal, I actually love her in Paradise right now. Jordan & Jenna - love. David.. stop playin' games.

[@r.a.degagne4692]

I couldn’t agree more regarding the skit. I found it so bizarre and was experiencing SERIOUS secondhand embarrassment the whole time. 😳

[@ameliajeanne0618]

All I can think when I see Chris is “Chandler’s crazy roommate from Friends” (that one episode where Joey moves out)

[@ilumin21]

Amélia they totally look similar lmao

[@lisasmith4343]

omg Chris looks exactly like that crazy roommate from friends!! and just as repelling

[@MissAttitudeLoL]

Yes! Thank you! I knew he looked like someone

[@singerAR0406]

Yup!

[@singerAR0406]

And the angry Ben Stiller character!!

[@LisaLGruman]

I LOVED Ben's saying in the skit, "I am unlovable." Hilarious. Excellent review, as always, Lauren. Always get a great laugh from your funny, clever insights.

[@hannahhh..]

NOT here for Chris or Leo...totally here for Jordan and Joe!! Also can we please talk about when Jordan and Joe talked about Kendall’s date and ended up in a giggling fit?! Cutest thing ever 😂👏🏻❤️ also living for all the exasperated noises you made in this episode Lauren 🙌🏻💁🏼‍♀️😂

[@ilumin21]

Hannah McGuire I laughed along with them and I kept rewinding. Hilarious moment how they had the giggling fit!!!!

[@hannahhh..]

Ilumin Avila same!! I keep watching it back and I laugh every time 🤣

[@misty2029]

Hannah McGuire same!

[@TheSnackWagon]

Honestly, once Wills was prematurely evicted I kinda stopped caring about the rest of the cast (except for Jubilee & John). Wills is so mature, sensitive, aware, and just generally a lovely human. Also don't drink every time someone says they want to "find my person."

[@samanderson21]

TheSnackWagon Bring Wills back! Can I date Wills?

[@ashleigh076255]

Yes! The "find my person" was cute when it first was uttered a couple years ago. Now it's played out and just eye rolls from me

[@erinkoster8654]

Colton: noncommittal guy who wants to “hang out” and keep you around when he wants attention Chris: awful gaslighting jerk who blames women for his behavior #TeamNobody

[@erinkoster8654]

Also-I thought Jacqueline was kidding about being old but if she’s not, that makes me sad. Nobody said jack about Arie being like 100 years old on “The Bachelor.” There really is a double standard. 😕

[@alien_cult]

She tweeted clarifying that she was kidding about the "old" thing. I think she just has dry humor & people take her seriously (which I can relate to lol)

[@erinkoster8654]

Sophia H I’m glad! That’s how I took it at first and then I thought I’d misunderstood. 😊

[@karinak8462]

Jordan has the ABSOLUTE BEST one liners.

[@eggyk6856]

So done with the whole Colton and Tia's situation. Colton seems unsure of what he wants. Tia is VERY sure of what she wants (Colton obvs) and is rather persistent and pushing hard for it (hinting 'choose me', 'ask me to be your gf' etc).... Also wasn't this Colton's second date card?

[@Skeptique]

Colton has zero personality. It's so obvious Tia and Becca have only been interested in him because he has a great body and a boyish face. And in Tia's case because she seems to only be attracted to men who don't really want her. Sad.

[@littleruiners]

I don't remember who said that on the episode, but Jordan with that outfit was totally Ken from Toy Story trying outfits XD

[@stephanieburg1492]

Lotta I think it was Caroline

[@blancaochoagarcia7286]

Lotta omg so true lol that's hilarious

[@winsomethephotog]

Why have we literally not seen anything happening in the relationships of Eric & Angela or even Astrid & Kevin? I don't know anything about what's going on between them because it's the Tia and Colton show. And a little bit of Kendall and Joe exposure.

[@isabelle6659]

Jordan for Bachelor! I think having him as the lead would keep many of us thoroughly entertained !

[@denisefromdc1796]

I'm over the over-produced Tia & Colton. I think they were producing these moments during Becca's season, that's why they brought Tia back for a second time. Chris is still a douche bag. I'm thinking Kendall doesn't want to move to Chicago. Jordan is 90% of the interesting content on this show. Krystal is effing gorgeous, but I don't think there's a man for her there. The skit and Kendall and Leo's date were the worst. I would want my money back on that one. Finally, hire Jordan to do a post-show commentary where he can show off his metaphorical skills. He could have various former contestants as guests. More tv time is all they want anyway. ABC, I'm gonna give you that one for free. Colton wants to be the Bachelor hard. Dear Bibiana. Try Match. Just sayin'.

[@alexjohnson111]

They should've interviewed that headband.

[@projectkj7643]

That's funny! :-D

[@mandyvandinther2440]

This is probably one of the best recaps, your views are so normal, insightful and refreshing!!

[@Yooniejin88]

Another amazing recap by LZ. She keeps it real, classy, clever and isn't afraid to call guys OR girls out when they say something foolish (i was also disappointed in Ravens and Jaquelines comment). Plus, she's the funniest entertainment journalist in the ET game. Only love for you, Lauren!! Keep it up! The 180 degree convo had me cracking up!!

[@nikki3134]

I wish Lauren talked about the blossoming bromance between Jordan and Joe cause that was the highlight of the episode for me

[@texasgina]

Omg this is your best by far recap I laughed through the whole thing. I think Colton was raised in a very sheltered environment and probably homeschooled. Chris 🤦🏼‍♀️ he's such a loudmouth and Jordan's outfit NO

[@joannemacleod6409]

The skit was LAME!! Did not want to see arie , he's disgusting. Ya not worth the plane tickets!

[@lisax119]

Joanne McCarron 100!!!

[@v_channeltalubanation6152]

i love Jordan too. He is so fascinating and so eloquent with his words. Makes him quite intelligent actually.

[@mlp3779]

I love you, Lauren!!! Paradise season has been really awesome so far... and i'm so happy to extend the show with your reviews!

[@michelleb6902]

Lauren I gave up watching this after the first episode but I love watching your weekly update! Its so funny! Your awesome :)

[@greensunglasses2722]

I think Jordan’s breakdown over the stuffed dog was an eye opener for Jenna. I think she realized that if he reacts that badly to someone giving her a stuffed animal that it likely means he’ll react even worse in more serious situations. Jordan is a time bomb that goes off whenever someone shows ANY interest in Jenna. I think he’s really possessive of her and that is not what Jenna is looking for. Yes he says he’ll let her date other people but he insults Benoit constantly just because he took Jenna on a date. After all, I don’t recall him saying anything insulting about Leo.

[@artofjoy4418]

Jordan knows that david is always hating.

[@LK56835]

Elizabeth Roby But that's what a man should do if other guys try to get at his girl.... That's decent behavior, and if Jenna doesn't choose him, Jenna will not be able to find a better guy than him ever! Every man can be a time bomb when it comes to protecting his girl And ofcourse Jordan will attack Benoit because it was Benoit who took HIS girl Who Jordan is is healthy and good, and that "breakdown" as you call it is actually being "protective" over his girl.... so Jenna should love that

[@katysuminski7331]

I AM SO HERE FOR JORDAN OMG 😭 had me feelin’ Notebook-level feels when he gushed to Jenna on the beach. TEAM JORDAN GOSLING

[@jammastrjess]

Not gonna lie, I love you Lauren, but Jordan went crazy in this last episode. He's gotten so possessive and crazy over Jenna. I've liked him the past few weeks, but the last two episodes turned the tables back for me.

[@aisham5485]

Thanks for pointing out how not okay what Raven said about Colton!

[@MintChocolateize]

Love this! I have loved Jordan since the Bachelorette. He’s funny, witty, and festive. I believe that those girls were picking on him in part one which made him blow up a little bit and then apologize. Krystal has totally redeemed herself even though I always felt that she was acting in the Bachelor and I CANNOT stand Tia and Colton. Anytime they are on the screen I go in the kitchen and wash a dish or something. They are annoying!!

[@Canduts2020]

been waiting 4 this all week

[@LovedByYou]

Love what Tia said: I’d rather you hurt my feelings with the truth then comfort me with BS!!!

[@grandmabak]

Skit was ridiculous!!!

[@elleeiff1514]

Chris needs to stop being a hypocrit and get himself together. Honey, do you expect someone to think it's okay that you were all in for Tia and then were "keeping your options open" when you just went OFF on Colton?? MMMMMMMMMMMM the goose drives me up the freaking wall, honey.

[@taslynmatina]

I'M DEAD LMAO! Did Lauren just remix the Pokemon song hahaha!

[@imapineapple15]

That was hilarious and cute 🤣❤️

[@Shewas-kathybates]

Please keep doing these reviews they’re amazing 😭😫

[@kaylapopelka8695]

Omg Jordan totally redeemed himself. Like I just thought he was a clown on Becca’s season but literally spot on with all the things you said, he is so fun to watch this season! Also I thought he handled that date so well the only reason he was that mad about the bear is because it was David. I’m over David send him home he’s so boring!

[@LaBavardeSC]

Best episode yet. In complete agreement with everything! Hilarious, thank you for these gems!

[@bethannboldt281]

I loved every second of your recap as usual!! I was also dying when Jordan referred to Benoit as Jean Blanc 2.0😂😂😂

[@LauraEllen999]

I think Kendall and Leo make more sense as a couple because they're both quirky (didn't see it so much because of where they live, though that is a plus). Joe is probably a better fit for Astrid. But I don't want Joe and Kendall to break up cause they are cute together and it's nice that they found a way to make it work. Damn this show!! Where can we vote for Bibiana to be the next bachelor?

[@Charlierose214]

Like a pikachu in Pokemon 😂💀 (DEAD)! Lauren with the Pokemon knowledge 🔥 First few weeks, girl you mean days, they filmed/wrapped in less than 2 weeks P.S. Thank you JC for working hard on editing the video which gave you such a headache! JC should have said that phrase from Moulin Rouge (you know all the girls were thinking that) about Benoit 😍

[@katieelizabeth7884]

Team Colton

[@courtneycoleman6849]

Yesss!! I don't ever watch the franchise anymore, I just wait for Lauren!

[@susiekidd9183]

Another absolutely hilarious installment of Roses & Rose! Keep up the great work!! Crystal is annoyingly transparent; but you make a great case for Jordan as next Bachelor, even if his antics seem immature & sometimes miss his intended target, he is trying & sometimes it’s entertaining... would be interesting to see him forced to be more serious & Bachelor role would do the trick.

[@katieelizabeth7884]

I wasn’t a fan of how Jordan treated Annalise and I think he’s a bit of a douche just not as much as Chris... just not rooting for him

[@LK56835]

Jordan is the man!..... he was straight to the point with Annalise, and respectful Jordan and Jenna is the couple of the century! Also, what guy is not a douche??.... every guy can be a douche.... it's called being a man. so you're not rooting for a man??

[@NickaLah]

@@LK56835 No, being a man doesn't require them to be a douche... o.O -- and I speak from experience, been with my husband nine years this fall. Jordan isn't a man, he was a petulant child.

[@LK56835]

Cari Being mean to other other people to protect his girl does make him a man actually!.... only those people who committed the wrong first such as mocking or infringing on his relationship would perceive him as a douche when he finally become defensive for his girl.... I also speak from experience.... Jordan was making it known that he is not going to accept attempts from anyone to infringe on his relationship.... To protect your girl is to be a man... other people may call it "child" behavior, because they don't know how to interpret the situation, or they're the ones who are immature. What Jordan did is exactly what a lot of men would do.

[@katieelizabeth7884]

LK56835 I feel like you ignored what I said in the first place but we can disagree

[@LK56835]

Kaitlyn Schock what did you say in the first place that I ignored?

[@SzilviaBodi]

I am literally more excited about the roses&rose episodes than the bachelor in paradise ones. You are so super funny, it is the highlight of my Thursday mornings 😂😂😂

[@autumnheaton4253]

LAURENNN killed another one. I live for this recap.

[@jennaredfield]

Voldemort though....I’m dying

[@sabrinagalindo1855]

I have never seen anyone have so genuine on the show as Jordan who’s just giving his all to save things with Jenna

[@christineialexis]

spit out my drink when you said Colton chose Tia like a Pokémon. you are FABULOUS Lauren!!! Love your recaps - this was seriously one of your best.

[@SamFioreMusic]

Lauren B. is literally the WORST actress ever!! I just can’t even stand to watch her honestly!! She’s soooooo cringey!! Lol

[@nomadchica]

I love Jordan. I hope he can pull himself together and win Jenna back. I'm so sick of seeing Tia and Colton. A second date card for these two?? Bleck - a waste of valuable BiP time. I could very happily see the following go home ASAP: Tia, Colton, Idiot bandana head, David (what is he even doing here??), Benoit (sorry, I think he's vapid and clingy). But I'd love to see Chelsea and Leo get together, if only for this season. She seems nice, and I think a little BiP Leo fling would make her happy. Thank you Lauren and JC for another delightful recap! :)

[@ThePerfectLeatherBag]

I've been watching you a lot this year, and this episode had me busting out laughing so so much!!!! You are a great at recapping and your humor is so unexpected and funny!!!

[@valentines1718]

I think Kendall find Joe attractive and super nice but she does not see him as a boyfriend because they have nothing in common. He's an introvert. He thinks opposites attract but I bet she does not feel the same at all. She wants someone who can match her bubbly personality. (Joe reminds me of Robert Pattinson in a "awkward but omg he's so cute and gorgeous" way.) I do not think she should pick Leo either because he looks like a jerk. The way he was ready to go out with a girl and then say to Kendall he would not like it if she kissed another dude. No thank you.

[@saragross5501]

That skit did not make me laugh at all

[@stacies89]

I skipped through it 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@lisax119]

So awkwardly uncomfortable😬

[@nnyji]

The Pokémon reference gave me so much LIFE 😂😂😂😂

[@eugenedittler3967]

Lauren Zima = Best. Video Blogger. And. Best. Blogger. Ever! You constantly keep me in stiches, girl!!!

[@jessicaperez6623]

These get better and better ❤️

[@theaudshow]

Maybe they are censoring butts after the mess that was last season with Demario? Just a thought

[@coryoverstreet865]

“Voltimort”. Lol🤣🤣. Lauren you are hilarious!

[@breanamiles8108]

Omgggg when you brought up Tia and Colton being Pikachu and Charmander.... I can't 😂

[@alexmahoney1]

Your recaps are the best part of the bachelor/BIP series. And also #teamJordan

[@geriramirez99]

OK I hate when people say you need to keep your options open Bachelor in paradise is supposed to be like when you go get your prom dress or your wedding dress you keep your options open when you’re going to buy it but when you finally find something that you really really like and that it just works for you then you stop looking at other dresses because they’re just gonna make you confuse even if you already have the perfect dress so yeah Kendall just stop lololol

[@MilaTejana]

Kendall isn't saying yes to the dress

[@nnyji]

Jameelah Shaheed 😂😂😂

[@imapineapple15]

She's just wondering if Joe would fit into her life. I think they're very different, but they have a good foundation and she should just have gone with it..

[@geriramirez99]

Jameelah Shaheed i mean from what we saw on the preview she might have..

[@Elllafella234]

I love your recaps Lauren 😂💕💕💕 .....

[@emmacoates6406]

Love this little aftershow!Super entertaining!

[@tessabryant4626]

Lauren, I love these recaps! I’ve just recently started watching this franchise but I can say now I’m all in bachelor nation. I’m Canadian so I’m here for Kevin and Benoit representing! (Also since I started watching ur recaps this is the first video I watched while having rosé! Took me long enough) anyway, thank you Lauren!!

[@psychart971]

I LOVE THE REENACTMENTS WITH JC

[@mlp3779]

i agree with you 100% about Raven's comment!!!!

[@orlaw.8213]

It was disgusting! Can't stand her, she is 100 per cent cringe.

[@rhondavanderbeek8006]

Yeah. That was a trash statement. Sexist and gross.

[@taslynmatina]

Krystal is having the best redemption story however I feel where getting to see who Annalise is as a person rather than the girl that's scared of everything!

[@trikkdaw3]

just more gold from Lauren . "Jordan or Ryan Gosling, it's hard to tell these days" hahaha you're GOLD

[@Skeptique]

I love Jordan so much I've started dreaming about him. The only negative thing I would have said about him before is that he's not on these shows to get involved in a serious relationship. But we can see that's obviously not true now. Really rooting for him and Jenna!

[@sansdemkinley6251]

I don’t even like paradise but girl you made me feel like I need to watch it

[@janeentroy]

I don't like that Jordan threw the teddy bear David gave Jenna in the ocean, I really didn't like that. Even if Jenna didn't reciprocate feelings for David, that bear was given to her, it was her property, and he had no right to take something of hers and destroy it, because he was jealous. That is completely disrespectful to her, and if that how he behaves when he is jealous, she needs to cut him lose because it will only get worse if the relationship continues.

[@Nancy-zi6kd]

This recap is so much better than the actual B in P show! Sooooo 😆

[@yettykitty4893]

1. Luv u Lauren! You’re hilarious

[@sherrifrazier5722]

I'm so diggin this show!!!!can't wait for next week!!!

[@christinae5820]

Lauren, thank you for your awesome recaps 💐 I just don't understand why everything Chris does is evil whereas Jordan can do whatever childish thing he wants and still is the most wanted man of the audience. At least there is an explanation for what he does whereas Chris just gets names.

[@Elizabeth-vq6mb]

I so wish Eric had more screen time. Every time he pops up he's got something perfect to say! I would've loved to replace all of Chris's time with Eric ❤️

[@klara502]

Love Jordan and his honesty

[@hartmyndsole]

Thanks for the laughs Lauren!!!

[@klairebear1986]

Jordan has definitely become my favorite. Him and Joe. I love Jordan and Jenna together and I love Joe and Kendall together. That skit was ridiculous and a waste of time. I absolutely love the things Jordan says. He cracks me up. When Jenna got back from her date and Jordan had stayed up and said all that stuff to her I was wondering like what else does this girl need from him? He really is great.

[@lazubu20]

I love Jordan. I already commented this about him: 'lucky you Jordan you are so handsome u cant go wrong even if u ar wrong"

[@joannevilchis1904]

Jordan is a real sweetheart. Really wish him the best.

[@valgal193]

I still crack up every time you refer to Arie as “he who shall not be named” 😂😂😂

[@quanquan0]

You are hilarious. Love your recaps

[@MsDesiree39]

u were so on point about what raven said and that was not an accepable comment about Colton at all.

[@LinnyG21]

Lauren you are hilarious!! I cant wait to see your vids!

[@cayleyish7357]

Hmm can we talk about the preview?? Like Joe fighting Leo, sayyy whhhaatttt?????

[@Celestial_here]

13:08 This Is the last place I thought I would see a Pokemon reference 🤣🤣🤣

[@amberetrop8989]

Jordan is a bit obnoxious and does not have a “bachelor” demeanor

[@sabrinagalindo1855]

My heart absolutely broke for Joe this episode . And I really hope Kendall picks Joe!!!