Baywatch reviewed by Mark Kermode

[@SYLDAWG]

"There are major problems. First one is it's rubbish."

[@Onmysheet]

It's entertainingly rubbish. I've just seen it on Netflix and I laughed a few times through the movie.

[@nice2meetyou631]

"It's rubbish but it's actually not as rubbish as it could be" - Mark Kermode Heavy endorsement right there.

[@iAmTheSquidThing]

"I found it generally fairly innocuous."

[@jointhe6461]

Actually, it can be a negative: it's not even rubbish enough to be so rubbish it's good.

[@jessicajginting]

"it just failed... the six laugh tests"

[@r4h4al]

That should be on the poster.

[@Qwazin]

"Weirdly enough along the way there were some chuckles. Now, there ARE major problems. First one is; It IS rubbish." That one caught me off-guard. I can't stop laughing.

[@PauLtus_B]

"generally fairly innocuous"-Mark Kermode That's one for the posters.

[@Rodders0223]

PauLtus B 'Didn't give me cancer' 5 stars

[@sapphiro]

PauLtus B this has to go on DVD box.

[@PauLtus_B]

+Green Whovian I'd agree. Just a tad long.

[@charliepanayiotou4305]

Another film that makes me appreciate how Lord and Miller managed to make two good films out of 21 Jump Street.

[@r4h4al]

Really, what are they I must have missed them?

[@aadityabhattacharya]

Charlie Panayiotou They understand Meta humor at the same level Edgar Wright

[@iAmTheSquidThing]

The phrase "Damned by faint praise." comes to mind.

[@felinefatale7773]

Zac Efron looks like a human Ken Doll that it's getting seriously frightening.

[@felinefatale7773]

TreeroyJ Art imitating life

[@telephilia]

Film criticism seems like a dream job except that it entails sitting through hours and hours of bad movies.

[@stevenbakewell]

"He's kinda dead to you really." Hahaha

[@YoursAnonymously]

"I notice you didn't laugh."; "Was I supposed to?" Lololol

[@DavidHeffron78]

It's frustrating. There are so many great comedy writers out there but the ones with the lowest of brows are the ones who get to write scripts. Sad.

[@methanbreather]

I watched Alien Covenant and Baywatch at the same evening. And Baywatch was the better film. It is stupid, it is infantil, but at least they do not pretend to be anything else. It does not take itself serious and it feels like noone involved in making this did. Which makes it somehow ok.

[@SimonM7TV]

"generally fairly innocuous" is one for the poster

[@613and802]

How is Kate Upton not in this? She should fire her agent yesterday.

[@Onmysheet]

Daddario can act better though.

[@613and802]

Why would you assume I meant instead of Daddario? Was there a 3 hot girl limit or something?

[@itaikahari9395]

Terram Lucida Tela Concilium they got Kelly Rohrbach though

[@BHCha-]

if this and the new Pirates of Caribbean both do a lot better than Alien Covenant theres no hope for blockbuster cinema.

[@GoldenGyroBalls]

It's like an early Christmas, between this and Pirates.

[@manweller1]

I wonder if they will do a prequel? 😎

[@docholliday4292]

manweller1 Lol probably after another four or five movies!

[@Soundwave1of9]

I wonder what the big laugh was, I didn't find it. 🤔

[@kickycrowbar]

That's like a 5 star review from Kermode then, I'll watch it

[@bebaguette766]

Is there any 90s show that has potential as a film reboot?

[@soddof7972]

Quantum Leap/Enterprise crossover movie where we see him jump into the body of Archer and have to work out how to get home?

[@BenjWarrant]

"generally, fairly innocuous"

[@jessicajginting]

gotta measure the amount of jiggling chairs next time I go to a comedy screening

[@Patrick-jj5nh]

Zac broke the poor Doctor's heart again. For shame, for shame....

[@vimster]

You're not kidding anyone, Mark, you loved it.

[@andyg9835]

'Baywatch' is in the cinemas; it must be the summer season. Its plot is stupid, and the film acknowledges this, but it is actually funny in parts, albeit crude parts. It does fall flat a lot of the time, but it's not a complete disaster, and it's not too voyeuristic. 2/5

[@spicyoctopus]

Drugs washing up on the beach reminded me of Turner and Hooch.

[@niallh4194]

OH mark, never change

[@facelesscorporation1668]

this was the most unintentionally hilarious film of all time.

[@burkezillar]

Yeah but, is David Hasslehoff in it?

[@burkezillar]

Baywatch is nothing without the Hoff.

[@BarronBrothersFilms]

Well, that's disappointing. Not that the movie's bad, but rather that we didn't get a full on Kermodian rant.

[@emagenie]

Usually I can listen to kermode for 20 sec after the movie clip before I fall asleep. But the enthusiasm he's invested in this one! Almost woke up Mayo too!

[@20thCenturyPox]

Third Acts are the death of US "comedy" films. Have a re-watch of Trading Places, you hopeless amateurs.

[@mrandrewhowell]

It’s actually really nowhere near as bad as I expected… and it seems Mark agreed! I chuckled quite a lot and I really couldn’t stand the original series!

[@carbonshogun4266]

It passed the six laugh test for me, but I'm sometimes not that bright. The latter half of the film was very much downhill.

[@DanielMazz]

I liked it

[@HILLSIDECOMICS]

Lovd it, and so did the audience i saw it with

[@jamesluby6705]

I found it generally, fairly innocuous says Mark Kermode, quick, get that on the poster... 🤪

[@jonathanwarner1844]

Damning with faint praise.

[@ChrisH78]

I just don't understand why they went with gross-out humour. I could understand if they made it more sweary and raunchy than the TV show was (allowed to be) but the stupid gross-out humour ruins the whole thing.

[@bluesjazznotes9436]

Somebody needs to tell ZE that there is a movie genre where you get to be naked the whole time, it's called porn. Seriously ever since he started training, he has to take his cloths off, I think this is how he's choosing his projects, "do I get to take my cloths off?" Yes of course, cool sign me up.

[@hexus761]

When I saw the trailer for this I just knew it would be complete rubbish. while everyone is having a bad time at the cinema watching this i'll be having a great time looking up some Kate upton videos and putting them in slow mo, then watching a a proper action comedy.

[@roblex63]

Kermode really enjoyed this movie , but he's just to embarrassed to admit it..... i enjoyed it and i'll admit to it.....

[@Pinbacker87]

Do films like this even require analysis?

[@andygold007]

It was a 90's TV show, Mark and Mark. How about doing a few minutes research before you reviewed the movie? Bay watch was a great erotic watch pre porn on the net.

[@TheWrathOfCam86]

A masterclass in damning with faint praise. 🤩😂

[@Danneleet]

aah the old inverted "you people" joke

[@ian_b]

If they'd played it straight, it could have worked. But they daren't do that, because it would be politically incorrect, so you have to laugh "ironically" at how in the past we watched a TV show about hot chicks running around in swimsuits. This is the thing; if you don't like how the past was, don't revisit it and ridicule it. Just ignore it. Baywatch was harmless, light fun. We're not allowed that any more. So instead, this dreary thing they think is irony. They don't even achieve actual irony. All a bit depressing really. We need Pam at her peak, in a swimsuit, to cheer us up again.

[@gun1987gunn]

It's not as rubbish as it could have been.

[@thatrandomderp]

Hahahaha of course you had to review two moderately steaming piles of turds like Baywatch and Pirates the same week you review the masterpiece The Red Turtle. Gotta strike a balance!

[@docholliday4292]

Baywatch Zzzzzzzzzz i have forgotten it after just saying the name, would rather watch paint dry then watch it.

[@colinr0380]

Bae-watch

[@01rai01]

Still better than Texas Chainsaw massacre

[@LucienWD]

55 minutes hahaha

[@ajax4887]

Why is Mayo so boring?? He constantly looks dead

[@docholliday4292]

Ajax It is all the shitty movies coming out of Hollywood doing it to him.

[@andygold007]

I think it looks like watchable rubbish.

[@Onmysheet]

It's a shane Dwayne Johnson keeps getting hired in these mediocre movies, as he's a fine actor.

[@SOFAJEDI]

It's bay watch. Just watch it for what it is. I wonder if kermode buys a bag of nuts and is disappointed that there's nuts inside.

[@losdrivaren]

I kind of liked batwatch, zack effron thou, he looked to skinny and not at all what you wanna look like