Being Hispanic adopted into a white family - My Experience. Adopting a child from a different race.

[@OlYables]

Thank you for your message! Very eye opening and so important to hear.

[@AdopteeOutOftheFog]

Thank you for watching.

[@RagingBull721]

I’ve never been more in touch with my culture until now. Que viva Mexíco!

[@CoreyGoldwaves]

Fellow transracial adoptee here.

[@AdopteeOutOftheFog]

Nice to meet you my friend 🙏

[@dejaunsmith3777]

I couldn’t imagine growing up around all white people. You lived to tell the story and seem to be doing great. Wish you the best. From Toronto Canada 🇨🇦

[@AdopteeOutOftheFog]

It was extremely confusing and scary because I loved being around people in California but I started being treated so awful in GA and I didn’t understand what racism was and my parents didn’t do a good job at giving me any answers so I wanted to kill myself.

[@casluvs]

@@AdopteeOutOftheFog Oh my god.. I’m so sorry

[@sebblackmore3697]

Its interesting that you used the term "scatterbrain" towards the end of the video. Especially when you were talking about what you needed, or what adoptive parents can do better. I use the term "brainfog" or "burnout". Or "this conversation is getting heavy". For me i can get overwhelmed easily just talking about these things. More so if im trying to convey the adoption angles to a non adoptee. We never want to play the victim, i think. Because of the sense of "I should be grateful" or "I am very lucky"!! I think certain subjects from our past, when we are bringing them up and communicating with others about them, the emotion can still be very raw and relived in the present day. Staying calm, clear and concise, while breathing and listening when in direct communication is a difficult skill. Especially if you're a person who has been closed off or avoided such topics or retrieving old, tender memories. Or youve been shut down consistently in the past or in younger days. You are a excellent communicator. And the length of your videos i think are quite perfect, for such discussions. Respect to you mate, enjoy your peace and family. Thanks

[@AdopteeOutOftheFog]

Wow this is so well explained, this was my first video ever on the topic, you are right where I was always shut down , and in all settings, family, therapy, friends, I could never talk about it in an open way, in this video I was actually still in “the fog” of adoption and looking back it’s wild to recognize!! After my child was born i realized how badly I was being gaslighted by my adoptive father, I knew he was a liar but I did not know how much it affected my identity, coming out of the adoption fog is really becoming a new whole person, with boundaries and knew understanding of life. Thanks for your comment it’s really insightful!

[@sebblackmore3697]

@@AdopteeOutOftheFog I understand what you say about being shut down, or your adoptive parents being liars. I think that maybe, possibly could be true. But liar is a harsh term. Could it be that they find it hard to accept that they, just got it wrong and were unknowledgable/ignorant, back in the old days. Guilt?? Science and mental health information wasnt quite up to the levels then as it is now. You know truly what happened there concerning those difficult conversations brother. The boundaries thing is very hard to reprogramme yourself into. Or pay attention to. As an adult who never had healthy boundaries or knowledge of self or origins. Emotion and pain can overpower the sensible, logical part of our brains, in the moment. Breathing and listening carefully while in important conversations with family members is vital. And if you are communicating with others who wish to understand. Always take your time in these conversations. Express yourself honestly, but without the need to hurt or sound like you are blaming others. We are all sensitive, social beings. You have to be a matador. Like your facing a bull and you subtly have to control, and reign in chats, if they become overly passionate or highly charged. Im still practicing this in all ways with both my adoptive mother and bio mother. And siblings and other fam. I didnt have the layer of inter-racial adoption. But i stayed in the same fam as both my moms are sisters. And this causes another challenge that not many can fathom, unless experienced. Generational trauma was present even prior to my birth, that affected my bio mom and adoptive mom. It affected their whole side of the family really. And without knowing her, i followed in similar footsteps. Its eerily close, even though we had little to no contact after the first 5-10 days after being born. A phrase i like that gives me comfort. " A man without knowledge of his own history, is like a tree without roots". Cheers my man. Keep sharing and talking and strengthing your emotions and mental well being. It all helps physically in the long run, i believe.

[@sebblackmore3697]

@@AdopteeOutOftheFog There is a great channel on this platform. The Ollie foundation. A lady has a chat on one of their videos. her name is Zara Phillips and she talks to Gabor Mate.

[@sebblackmore3697]

@@AdopteeOutOftheFog Research an article called happy adoptee. Author is Julie A Rist. Great resources my brother

[@sebblackmore3697]

@@AdopteeOutOftheFog Also research the OLLIE foundation. greats vid on adoption on here!

[@sebblackmore3697]

So sorry again bro. Channel 4 interview with Lemn Sissay growing up in care. Its brilliant and fascinating, especially if you can get to the end. Seriously. My apologies for bothering you again

[@AdopteeOutOftheFog]

You are in no way bothering me, i appreciate you! Thank you for helping and reaching out.

[@sebblackmore3697]

The Trauma of relinquishment - Adoption, addiction and beyond. Convo with Gabor Matee and Zara philips

[@Slow_4ram]

I also live in Georgia and had to deal with Soo much racism in starting in elementary because there was no Hispanics in this county at the time. As time went on it was way less racism but they really did not bother me because my parents prepared me for it because they when through the same thing.

[@AdopteeOutOftheFog]

Wow you’re extremely lucky, when I dealt with it and asked my parents why I was getting so much hate and called racial slurs my parents would say “ we don’t see color” “ Your American” never did they clarify for me or help me with anything that dealt with race it was pretty damn hard.

[@RagingBull721]

“We took you outta of the ghetto.” That’s crazy

[@Panzerfaust-ex9fm]

Animo y fuerza amigo!!!!

[@ColombianaMama]

Ooo let’s talk I was adopted at 5 months from bogota Colombia

[@AdopteeOutOftheFog]

What’s your story? Where did you grow up?

[@ColombianaMama]

I was adopted at 51 song from Bogota Colombia by to White parents both teachers, both sides of the family in different levels of racist grew up in a town called Baldwinsville, which was primarily white there was like an Asian kid in my neighborhood but besides that it was me and him for colored people that I knew existed growing up until I got to elementary school where I was picked on and bullied because it was a very small amount of colored kids may be a handful and my father worked at the connecting middle school so they used to say why don’t you look like him your nose is big your lips are bad your hair is dark your skin is dark that’s not your dad so I used to go home crying and not understanding what was wrong with me and they told me I was adopted but always downplayed me being a Hispanic girl and wanted me to be a white girl. Family disowned me from a young age just for no reason I saw, but I’m sure just because I was colored I was treated badly by family members. Nobody stuck up for me and my family of course not if they’re treating me badly, but nobody stuck up for me. In certain situations, everyone was just quiet in high school I got grounded for talking to a black person. My mom would talk about how Black people only get people pregnant and leave them there on drugs. I go to jail and all worst things you could say, but I knew that I wasn’t white. When I was 17, I had a child with a black guy. My mom was pushing me to put her up for adoption, but I refuse to, especially after what I went through but it’s been a very hard adulthood trying to come to terms with everything that I dealt with in my childhood, that I didn’t deal with then because it was just one trauma after another so now I’m having resentment towards my parents because I feel like how could you adopt somebody if you yourself is racist and you know that your family is racist why would you think the child B would be excepted. My mom is pretty much a racist to anyone other than herself, and I have a hard time having a relationship with her because of it . I grew up with parents that had money and people used to say oh you’re so lucky and how could you be complaining but they didn’t realize that love was much more important than money and material possessions. I heard the same thing. Oh, you’re ungrateful they saved you. My parents used to tell me all you would’ve had nothing if you were there. And I actually had it rough as well along with them wanting to do everything for me because they were teachers. I didn’t have to do homework. I pass grades in classes when I shouldn’t of and they were also ashamed of me because I had learning disabilities and so that made them want to take care of me and my adulthood by financially, making sure I was OK but that fucked me over a lot because now that I have my own child that’s 18 I’m trying to teach her things that my parents never taught me which is hard when you don’t even know because you’re never been taught ….. and I think that sums it up for the short version

[@sebblackmore3697]

The OLLIE Foundatiion...good resource. My messgaes are disappearing so forgive my dodgy typing

[@alezandradavila2581]

Dude I can only imagine

[@al-x1564]

I wanted to message you but I couldn’t. Maybe we can talk sometime. My story is somewhat similar to yours. ✌️

[@ocdbrain]

Wow

[@AdopteeOutOftheFog]

I agree

[@conniegonzalez6055]

Unfortunately the truth is that it's not socially acceptable for a hispanic American to bring up these issues that you speak of. On the other hands it's totally okay for black people to complain in most cases. Your not your parents trophy adoption, you are a human being. You have valid concerns, and if your complaints didn't have your face or color attached, everyone would understand. Unfortunately, the current political state for hispanic Americans is invisibility. We don't have a right to feel or express injustices. We don't have a right to refer to ourselves as Americans. I can't stand how they dealt with you. I know a lady that adopted to black kids and she is doing the same shit to them.

[@AdopteeOutOftheFog]

It fucked me up really bad, even though I know they really did love me and gave me more opportunities, but there’s still such a deeper issue, it’s so misunderstood and frustrating!!! I thought I was white until I was around 21, never told I was Latino by my parents, still to this day!! I’m 38, it’s an extreme identity issue, and I’m making a new series on my adoption experience I hope people can “Get it” why a lot of adoptees should never be asked “aren’t you grateful?” Like… if you lost your entire family in a car wreck and don’t remember the wreck, but you feel the extreme pain and loss, would you be grateful to still be alive? Yes, but that had zero to do with loss…

[@ColombianaMama]

Almost identical story

[@ColombianaMama]

Wow please respond I really would appreciate it

[@alezandradavila2581]

Yea …. Nobody understands it

[@godzillamegatron3590]

Well you can study and visit your family country to learn more about Latino culture. But be happy and of you are and your experience. And race doesn't exist in biology. We are all the same . Homo Saipan Saipan.

[@AdopteeOutOftheFog]

Race doesn’t exist in biology but it exists in other people and to be treated differently for my skin color and have rocks thrown at me, physically choked while being called racial slurs is eye opening. It’s my experience so you can’t really tell me that race doesn’t matter. This is what was so isolating when I was being brought up because no one else in my family was being bullied just because they were white. Racism is real. But i am very happy now. Just sharing my experiences. Thank you for watching.

[@godzillamegatron3590]

@@AdopteeOutOftheFog that good your happy now. It bad you a stronger person and you can relate more to people who are suffering