Between Confusion and Clarity: Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) Determinants

What causes or increases the risk of developing Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). This video will help you lessen the confusion and provide some clarity.
How do you explain a complex concept that you may not fully understand yourself, that worries you, confuses, you, and sometimes scares you and frustrates you. These are common responses to BPD in yourself or seeing it in a loved one. If you’ve had that feeling or similar thoughts I’m gonna try and help you out in this video as we talk about how to explain BPD and what causes it.
If you’re watching this video, you want to know how to better understand BPD and how to explain it for yourself or to help a loved one understand what you believe they’re going through. The Father of BPD is John Gunderson and he explained BPD best with insight, clarity, and compassion. He also explains in the same eloquent fashion what causes BPD from the same book. Watch the video to see/hear them, they're awesome and heartfelt.
I then put it all in a nutshell for you:
BPD is the combination of genetics and environment that make it hard to feel love and even harder when you feel rejected. It’s a constant search for connection when you don’t know what the connection is. It’s a sense of loneliness and fear without knowing exactly where it comes from or where you’re going with it. The tidal wave of thoughts, emotions, beliefs, and memories evoke self-destructive means to try and resolve or calm the tidal wave without having the skills necessary to do so. Over time, this becomes a cycle and habit out of something we don’t fully understand but it disrupts emotional, behavioral, interpersonal, and identity aspects of life. It’s complex, but treatable, and hope should be in the forefront as you seek and engage in treatment to outgrow all the things you once believed you couldn’t.
Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and a multi-award winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 15 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.
He has published several articles in these areas and is the author of:
Antisocial, Narcissistic, and Borderline Personality Disorders: A New Conceptualization of Development, Reinforcement, Expression, and Treatment. Available at: www.drdfox.com/books
The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook: An Integrative Program to Understand and Manage Your BPD. Available at: goo.gl/LQEgy1
Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Workbook: Treatment Strategies for Cluster B Personality Disorders (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Gold Award Winner): goo.gl/BLRkFy
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Toolbox: 55 Practical Treatment Techniques for Clients, Their Parents & Their Children (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Silver Award Winner):: goo.gl/sZYhym
The Clinician’s Guide to Diagnosis and Treatment of Personality Disorders: goo.gl/ZAVe9v
Dr. Fox has given numerous workshops and seminars on ethics and personality disorders, personality disorders and crime, treatment solutions for treating clients along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum, emotional intelligence, managing mental health within the prison system, and others. Dr. Fox maintains a website of various treatment interventions focused on working with and attenuating the symptomatology related to individuals along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum (www.drdfox.com).
KZbin: / drdanielfox
Dr. Fox’s website: www.drdfox.com/
Facebook: / appliedpsychservices
Twitter: / drdanieljfox1
LinkedIn: / drdfox
Instagram: / drdfox
Amazon Author’s Page: amazon.com/author/drfox
Videos edited by Emil Christopher: [e-mail]
Thank you for your attention and I hope you enjoy my videos and find them helpful and subscribe. I always welcome topic suggestions and comments.
00:00 Introduction
01:21 Need for compassion
02:41 BPD need to connect relationships
04:46 What causes BPD?
06:39 Constant search for connection
07:41 Hopefulness about BPD

[@tetrahexaeder6312]

"They have grown up feeling that they were unfairly treated and that they did not get the attention or care they needed. They are angry about that, and as young adults, they set out in search of someone who can make up to them for what they feel is missing." Oh my god.. this paragraph sums up my absolute core problem since childhood. I even had these thoughts in slighty different phrasing in my own mind the other day. It is scary how accurate he summed up the core cause of BPD. And I think this is the 'chronic feeling of emptiness' symptom's root.

[@smileyface5908]

Agreed. Such a powerful statement of a feeling we internalise but I couldn’t articulate.

[@thefiftyplusinfluencer499]

I agree wholeheartedly

[@LifelivedbyEve]

Yes me too 😢

[@hanytalya5322]

Ok, Im crying so hard. The part about: When we treat the pain they grow to be the most amazing people etc 😢 I the few days in my life that bpd didnt take over me, I was able to bring out all my gifts and talents, I did amazing things and also gave so much to others. It hurts so much when you know the potential you have, but you live so far away from it. I have ordered your book and going to do all in my power to over come this. I never been told it was possible, and although I'm already 53, Its better late than never. Thank you. I know I leave a lot of comments but Im so overwhelmed and grateful for the opertunity I've been given❤

[@himmelblau23]

I'm about your age, and I wish you all the best with your healing.

[@HeatherFaraMS]

I have been a relationship for over a year with a man with severe BPD. He was medicated to slow down extreme emotional impulsivity that allows him to put DBT into practice. He struggled with employment and is now stable, but working 7 days a week to keep a float due to poverty wages…Poverty is destroying his health. I am so furious that the USA doesn’t fully cover medical care…He needs more than one 30 min chat with a counselor monthly (all that is covered) and to not work two jobs…He absolutely can reach remission status, but he boomerangs due to lack of sleep that makes normal emotional stress untenable…

[@roamingthislife]

Hearing your thoughts so passionately stated about how those of us with BPD are of significant value while recognizing with such compassion that the pain is so very real … I could not be more grateful for you and all you do. Thank you Dr. 🦊

[@2okaycola]

Doesn’t change anything anyway but it makes you feel slightly less angry at everyone for short periods kzbin.info/www/bejne/mIiUdoWjbpaGgpI

[@kareninman2865]

As a wife who lives with a spouse with bpd, it is extremely exhausting. to watch how much torture that their mind puts on. It comes in Olympic waves! The chaos that goes on. Very little times of peace and as a spouse it is draining and sad to observe and so toxic to my mind. It makes u angry at times u want to just blast their parents,their family of origin was very toxic growing up. I have learned, how to speak to him and help him deal with reality. Most people with bpd have over the top rage.

[@wovenriddles5642]

Trust me, I cry all the time about my parents giving me this disorder too. It makes me incredibly angry that my parents didn’t protect me, and it makes me angry that even up until a year ago my mother would tell me I needed to get over it. I got my diagnosis this past March, and I asked her how she felt knowing all these years she simply told me to just get over an entire personality disorder.

[@kareninman2865]

@@wovenriddles5642 that's sad but still u sound like you have acknowledge this deep wound and are moving forward to live ur best life. I could only pray that my husband would get to the acknowledgement and express in healthy communication and not continue to live in such a destructive state of mind and the anger and rage is over the top!!! So,self destructive and believe me it has almost destroyed me! I do have empathy for him! But,always dealing with his family of origins that have left a path of destruction. His older sister,committed suicide from eating disorder, the middle sister was the go between both parents that fought,and alcoholism,drugs, and denial. She is completely narcisstic and has never lived on her own is 62 and still depends on the mother to pay for her every need and then some. Several divorces,by the mother,several different fathers and my husband was the youngest and only boy, he suffered abuse,very conflicting parenting styles and ran away at 14,suffered with addiction to alcohol,drugs, and 4 marriages. Habitually deflects,lies,and difficult to get the truth from him his emotions are all over the map. I have learned to ask non threatening questions and peel layers of masked perception away. His thinking is very askewed. He has many talents and is artistic. I try to help promote that. He is very much a child still. It leaves me sad,lonely and heartbroken. But,I'm am almost 70 and have no where to go. I have a very strong faith and believe that my best life is yet to come.

[@sarita8245]

@@kareninman2865 you're speaking of your own personal situation. That doesn't speak for everyone with BPD. I feel that to say every or most person has extreme anger is a generalization. It's also terrible you wrote it here with other people to read. Could be triggering, friend. Just saying.

[@sarahheld3761]

That first quote makes me realize how I've been treating my husband. It does make me feel guilty, but now I realize what he's been trying to tell me about how I make him feel is true.

[@estelao.b.1473]

He married you. He is still with you. Take care of him. I hope he is good to you. I am a woman who hasnt managed to find the right one. And if I did, I did not make them stay. I always seek partners who leave the country and end up in a different country.

[@yuvi9975]

i haven't been to therapy in a really long time and while these videos aren't substitutes for sessions; they do give me a sense of understanding and reassurance that no doctor has given me before. i don't usually comment on youtube videos but it felt like i needed to on this. thank you for your channel and thank you for all the work you put into it. it's very much appreciated

[@lisadurbin6383]

I find Dr Fox's videos very therapeutic. Thank you!

[@joanlynch5271]

I feel the same way. Dr Fox is so calm, it makes me feel calm too. He really wants us to understand what we are going through so that we can become better.

[@wavyybabyy]

Agreed. 🖤

[@Mrs.TJTaylor]

I understand, and It makes me sad, but keep them away from me. I can’t help them and I don’t need the constant drama and upheaval in my life. I’m done with it. We all have problems.

[@tommydavis5749]

Literally in tears right now. I've been struggling with mental illness for 21 years and I'm 36 now. Thank you. For the first time in my life I feel as if I really can grow as a person. And, for the first time, I can say with confidence that "I am NOT crazy". You have no idea the affect your videos are having on so many lives. I know it's going to be a long, hard road. But, thanks to your insights, I have an idea of what direction I need steer my vehicle

[@halloweendancing]

I feel the same way! I never knew what was wrong with me because I was diagnosed with the wrong thing again and again.

[@magalie3277]

That is beautiful to hear! Bpd turnup ❤️

[@Julian2Sounds]

THE MENTAL HEALTH SYSTEM 🤣🤣 kzbin.info/www/bejne/Y3_HZWOLrpunmLM kzbin.info/www/bejne/d5jLgIdppKiUg5Y

[@Araphex]

I just turned 36 and was just diagnosed with BPD a month ago. I wish you the best on your journey. I know it's been a year since you've been here but I also hope you found what you needed to move in the right direction.

[@aryansigrid]

I'm 48 and have had this all my life but feel like the Broken person because I don't fit in anywhere, I might as well be invisible 'cos I'm treated that way. My parents fundamentally let me down over and over again when I was a child and they never even knew they were causing me Pain & Agony. To this day I don't know Who I am, what I'm here for, why my life sucks, why know one wants to know me nor why I have no friends, job or house but to find out it's a Disorder I'm suffering from and it might not be because I'm the most terrible person in the world?!? Personally, I don't remember what i did to get treated like shit all my youth, then I was and still get used in my Adult life. And, I also seem to learn things the hardest way possible, always the worst! I try to think before I act but I don't reckon I deserve all the suffering i feel inside, I mean, I just want to finish myself off sometimes because I can't handle another second in this world, then I think about my Mother and 30 year old daughter, I couldn't do that to them, not my daughter anyway, she already has a mother who's as mad as f**k so I'd probably turn her bonkers if I follow through with my thoughts. TY for sharing your comment, I realise it's been a year since you wrote this but I always miss the bus in life! Cheers, Happy 2023!!

[@lexg1168]

Best thing I ever did was accept that I had BPD once diagnosed. I manage it with physical exercise, nutrient dense foods, spirituality and not drinking. I'm not perfect but by doing those my life has turned around and I actually have been able to catch myself when I get into my "moods". It's hard work but absolutely worth it. Thank you doc for having such realistic and informative videos

[@gobnaitaine5103]

Yes, me too. Its true that us with bpd, we can manage it and live a productive life. Keep up the hard work. ❤

[@BeingBetter]

Lex G I do the exact same thing. I am comorbid with lots of different mental health problems very severe rapid cycling bipolar one anxiety disorder skin picking too many to mention. I've discovered a supplement program that keeps a lot of my symptoms in check and I eat a healthy diet with real nutritious food such as raw milk, local pastured meat, local organic vegetables and fruits, nuts, limited grains and limited sugar. I don't drink alcohol anymore either. While I still still get into the borderline moods, I can catch myself and be aware of it and catch it before it gets really bad.

[@zaye400]

💙

[@joykraft1175]

My bpd is the direct result of being abused by narcissistic parents. How can you have successful relationships when you never had one? I was completely isolated with 2 people that hated me. It couldn't have gone any other way.

[@80sgirlwhamduran]

I've never heard anything that sums up what BPD is like. It describes perfectly my past relationship with my ex and the unrealistic expectations. That ultimately led me to do a self destructive act when it ended because of my behavior. 😣

[@megandietz4143]

I’m trying to keep my relationship together but I think it’s already to broken

[@thelordsportion1273]

Please know that You Matter, and no one has to prove, sacrifice, die, for anyone else. Jesus did that already. EVERYONE Matters to God. It's a perverted perception the fallen one has projected on some of us. It's evil, and I pray you heal and move on. God Bless!!

[@OldSchoolBaller]

I feel you. My ex was a perfectionist with BPD and OCD. I felt like I was always being tested and one false move and she'd breakup with me. We broke up and got back together 6 times. And she would always blame me for all the pain I caused her. Sigh...

[@sarahdavies5564]

honestly the last few minutes of that video stopped me in my tracks while i was cleaning and made me break down into tears. i haven’t been able to cry in weeks, i’ve been through so many painful experiences lately. i’ve had to be so relied on and my boyfriend has shown me no respect for the strong woman that i am, always tidying up after him even through the loss of my eldest rat who i loved so much i know we aren’t personal friends but your reassurance and understanding nature makes me feel so much more comfortable in my skin and i’m so grateful

[@xxyy1318]

Sorry for your loss! Rats are the sweetest ♥️🐾♥️🐾

[@sueparry1403]

While I have the deepest sympathy for those with BPD who genuinely want help and manage their life… I have been in a relationship with a person with BPD and cluster b disorder for 14 years and given all of myself both physically and mentally, it’s never enough, it’s like pouring into a black hole. I have been left feeling absolutely broken and depleted and have nothing left to give. This person has now gone on to find someone else to support them and try to fill the empty void. I feel so much for the people who try to help, but have been left once they have been emptied of all sympathy and resources.

[@DrDanielFox]

I certainly hear your empathy and what you’re reporting are certainly one of the challenging aspects of being in a relationship with someone with this disorder. I think that is why it is so critical for the individual with BPD to recognize their own needs and that external validation is not going to fill that emptiness. Thanks again and be well.

[@holgerbehrens186]

Hi Sue. I also suffer from bpd and I can just say your partner did not target you or deliberately set out to cause you harm. I have such "voilent" uncontrollable emotions when in relationships. The more we love the more we doubt and the more hurt we feel. So eventually it just becomes too much as we are constantly bombarded with expectations of rejection and inferiority. It is an impossible downward spiral. And I am always utterly destroyed when I relationship ends. Doomed if you do and doomed if you don't. So wish you healing and joy with hope that my comments helped just a tiny teeny bit.

[@vlst8715]

Sorry to hear that. I come from a household full of abusive borderlines, I also have quite a history of dating people with the disorder, and recently I had to come to terms with the fact that I myself also suffer from it. And I want to say - *I feel you*. I know from my own experience how destructive borderline abuse can be, this is why I have BPD in the first place. It really depends though. Some of the borderlines I know are the sweetest, kindest people I've ever met, and the only ones who were able to deeply empathize and connect with me so far. Those are the people who have literally saved me during the toughest times. This was a tough pill to swallow, given my personal history of trauma and internalised stigma, but what I've learned is that despite having a lot in common, we all as individuals are too different to be compared. It depends on how much insight a person has and which coping strategies they use. The comorbidities are a big factor, too. This is why I firmly believe stigma has no place in the conversation, it leaves us no room for growth. Again, sorry about your experience. And good luck, I hope you will find someone who's right for you.

[@holgerbehrens186]

@@vlst8715 Thank you for making the effort to send a reply. And thank you for sharing your views and experience. I also feel your hurt and want to extent my deepest empathy. I wish you well and may you find a truer you in the shortest possible time. And good luck to you too. Stigma is indeed a blocker for healing and improvement. I suspect trauma has the same or similar effect on most people. The reason for this is: I spent a couple of years with a program Adult Children of Alcoholics (sister organization of the AA - 12 step program) and felt quite at home there. When I started the program I wanted to tell my fellow members "you are so normal" - little did I know that I was just as dysfunctional as they were. Throughout my adult life I had severe depression and social phobias. I kept going but is steadily got harder and harder, because I kept on messing up and spoiling things. About 8 years ago I suffered a total breakdown - and only then I became aware that I may have some other issues - of which depression is only a symptom. Since then I have been looking for answers and I think that I have only found the true answer after viewing Dr. Fox's videos. At age 56. I have in essence missed my life - despite making much effort for success. (Managed to self sabotage all and every possibility of success.) For any BPD sufferers: I hope you get help early on in your life. This is a truly destructive "disease".

[@vlst8715]

@@holgerbehrens186 Thank you so much! It's very nice of you and I can relate to every word you've said. I’m sorry, it’s such a terrible situation to be in. I know exactly what you mean. I feel negative emotions at a crippling intensity. I don't take difficult social situations well, which pretty much means I can't fit in. All I ever wanted is to be left alone in peace. So I dropped college and became a recluse to avoid further mental breakdowns. That’s how I’ve wasted first 25 years of my life. Granted, I tried all I could think of to "fix" myself, but those frantic efforts have only retraumatized me more. Because like you I had no idea what the root cause was and the healthcare system has failed me miserably. And here I am, missed many opportunities for adapting to society and gaining vital skillsets in time, completely unprepared for independent life. Struggling with mundane activities, feeling like a failure. I was lucky enough to be born shortly before what I would call a legitimate era of psychological enlightenment. Although I remember that even ten years ago there was practically no useful, comprehensible information on the topic, especially in my first language. At least we have these resources now. It's never too late to heal and hope for the better. I agree with your thoughts on trauma, I’ve come to view it as a root of most mental health problems, if not all of them. Take a look at these channels if you get a chance, I find them extremely helpful: Healthy Gamer GG, “Here's Why Trauma Is So Common” - just what you’ve mentioned, different ways trauma manifests itself and solutions. Otherwise Dr. K is a phenomenal specialist in many areas, as well as a teacher. kzbin.info/www/bejne/boXOk4Nqjcuana8 On the Line - great resource from a fellow BPD survivor. www.youtube.com/@onthelinecommunity The Personal Development School - attachment styles and how they affect relationships. www.youtube.com/@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool Crappy Childhood Fairy - enough said, childhood trauma and coping skills. www.youtube.com/@CrappyChildhoodFairy

[@christinap1644]

I would love to see a video on people who have BPD who carry the trauma the many of us face with our home life at a young age but also endured severe bullying in school. I know this is a very specific topic but as an adult that has been working to manage BPD for some time those childhood memories of bullying creep into my head when alone and the shame and pain feels like it's happening in the present. I have to wonder if there are others who expirence this and how to cope. Maybe it's a form of disassocation? It's painful. Even in your 30's!

[@DrDanielFox]

Reconciling old scars is not easy. Stay strong and stay the course. Be well.

[@jenniferparks5901]

This was so nice ❤️ I was recently diagnosed with BPD. And I have been doing work my entire life unbeknownst to me without knowing the label. I'm what you would consider a high conscientious quiet bordeline. I act in, so it's not noticeable to anyone other than me and sometimes not even me. It is hard to explain to anyone how intense we can feel and how painful it is. The hours spent crying or trying to push down emotions that feel like a tornado, all while wearing a smile. I want to give hope to others with BPD...it is highly treatable with the proper tools. I think we will always have triggers and struggles, but we can recognize what is happening and learn how to cope in better ways. I have read horror stories of what people think this is and I can't imagine people thinking this about me 😭 I am terrified of rejection and abandonment, but not with everyone. They are internal feelings I feel that create confusion within intimate relationships. I can't read texts right, or interpret messages back to me when triggered. I'm on a blind emotional, word vomit mission, with plenty of crying. It feels like I'm losing control of my thoughts and emotions. I have said over and over to my partner that I am sorry and I do not mean it. I don't know that people can truly understand how we lose control and it's like a motor that takes over on high speed and we can't catch up with the emotional reactions to stop them. I have said a million times I would never cry or react that way again and bam...trigger...right back in it. Mind you though, I am reacting to what I believe is still something to be triggered by, maybe just more of a reckless reaction than cause for. It's a feeling that we don't even know where it coming from or where it is going. None of us look the same in how we cope or show symptoms, if we even do show any outwardly. Thank you for having compassion. I am not a manipulative person and am so loving. I avoid relationships at all costs. When I do get in an intimate relationship...it happens on accident and then I'm stuck for what feels like forever, even if it feels toxic. I want them to leave, but I don't want them to go. I want to trust them, but I can't. It's so complicated and hard, ugh. I love these videos they speak so much truth. So many make us look crazy and it makes me sad for anyone with BPD.

[@veronicaabosi4461]

Jennifer, thanks for sharing and your honesty. My heart goes out to you.

[@BetteBlaze13]

This post is a self-portrait of my mind. It's nice to know I'm not alone. Thanks for sharing.

[@jenniferparks5901]

@@BetteBlaze13 you're welcome ❤️ it feels so heavy so often, but ya know what gets me through it? I always remind myself nothing is constant...good or bad...so when it's bad...I know the good is right around the corner. Much love to you and lots of healing. It ain't easy, but it is more than possible to survive this thing we call BPD and to recover to the best of our ability. One day, one moment, and one second at a time ❤️ you're unique and wonderful, we all are and that's seriously a blessing.

[@jenniferparks5901]

@@veronicaabosi4461 thank you ❤️

[@tanbooh]

"...I want them to leave, but I don't want them to go." Hard to explain the complexity of that situation to any normal person 😞 Thanks for sharing @Jennifer Parks.

[@keef78]

I don’t watch your videos often as I don’t want bad to become my life and identity, as weird as that sounds, but every now and then I check in because I know whatever you are posting is truthful and compassionate and this video reaffirmed that, thanks again, if only I was rich and lived in Texas.

[@marjoriemartinez9973]

I grew up thinking my family was perfect, after waking up to reality..father abandoned me at 6 months, mother abandoned me atv6byrs old..moved w mom after grandma died at 13. I believe mom was Bpd, step dad narcissistic alcoholic, married at 17 to a drug addict covert, sister slep w my husband and alienated my daughter when i became reactive to his abuse, other sister stepped over boundaries and pretend to be my daughter savior...than she tells me no one likes me...the ultimate discard. Yes. I almost died but ive been recovering ever since..im now 54 and strong and striving!!!thanks for your videos..they have confirmed and explained so much!!!

[@zenvargr1070]

It still feels very hopeless like all dreams and hopes are just long dead ideas that are unreachable

[@lifeontheedge2444]

I realised on thursday that I had unattainable and unrealistic attachment to the mother I need in a mother who is incapable of being that mother. Then I watch this and it reinforces that insight. Even though it is hard just reviewing this diagnoise 2 months ago I feel proud and intrigued by the journey and personal growth involved. Thank you.

[@lifeontheedge2444]

@A. W. M. yes compassion starts with self compassion...a massive part of my journey, thank you

[@lifeontheedge2444]

@Elliot i agree. It's not about blame or failure. It's about me being able to have the quality of life that I deserve after 49 years of living with BPD with no diagnoise or support. Everyone faces difficult choices in their lives and this is one of mine.

[@lifeontheedge2444]

@Elliot I agree. With must know and fully understand our back stories. Giving us valuable insight and purpose and meaning.

[@getshorty7549]

I don’t know why these women just don’t go get a gold fish or sea monkeys or pet rocks rather than taking on the task of tearing live human children

[@Ryoko-Hakubi]

*EDIT two years later, turns out I'm autistic with c-ptsd lol* This was so refreshing and validating. Doctors have described my BPD as "quiet" so explaining DSM-5 symptoms to people has always made me feel like a phony as I don't act out like a typical boderline. Your description actually fits, so thank you!

[@luishizaru]

I also have “quiet” BPD. Doctor Fox’s explanation fits my experience just perfectly too

[@kareninman2865]

My husband has 8 of the nine spectrums and his emotions he cannot control! His go to is rage,violence,hollering,yelling and has black out verbal destructive behavior that has cost him a lot of arrest and then overcompensates by inordinate calmness, and claims to not remember.

[@sarita8245]

@@kareninman2865 BPD Is a spectrum. So he seems pretty high on the scale. Encourage him to get help or make a choice for yourself. While yes it's sad people who have BPD you ultimately decide what you put up with.

[@finnie]

The DSM is a such a double edged sword, can be helpful but I feel in a lot of cases not always!

[@trussell7488]

@@kareninman2865 but you’re on KZbin comments shit talking your partner, what do you to to their face if this is what you do behind their back

[@peaches44]

I am so sick and tired of being told I'm not "normal" ... thank you, for making me feel accepted even for a short amount of time

[@DrDanielFox]

I’m glad this video helped. Stay strong and I wish you well.

[@fightswithspirits915]

That paragraph was the reason GFE Ladies were my goto. Everything was understood up front. May not have been real, but perfectly matched my needs.

[@andre1987eph]

please do remember. BPD is just a flavoring. It doesn't define the life. for lofe is hard for everyone and no one survives

[@cerole-universalethics]

"... People grow up feeling like they were treated unfairly..." Excuse me if I don't quote that exactly right but I get the idea. Thank you so much for your videos. I was diagnosed with BPD in 2001 and again with BPD vs. Complex PTSD in 2015. Not all people with BPD were abused or traumatized or treated unfairly. I think that's one of the ways BPD differs from complex PTSD. Many (not all!) borderlines (including myself) *may really have been treated unfairly* . However I believe that even if I was treated unfairly, that's life, sometimes, and we don't always have control over that. Life does involve very unfair treatment lots of times. This can be difficult for non-borderlines to deal with too. Much of the experience I've had with symptoms *has been my struggle with wondering if people have malicious intentions towards me or not* . I have to live in a society everyday where I feel that people don't care. The thing is I have to own that feeling, whether it's true or not. Much of a the time they really don't care, but it's the way I respond to it that counts. I don't want to run around feeling entitled all the time either. That is exhausting and I give off worse vibes when I do that and cause more problems around me. I'm struggling right now with integrating my own humanity in the world of other humanity. Regardless whether my experiences are real or imagined, I'm still responsible for how I behave and for my attitude. Thanks again! I will continue to watch. 😀💜

[@DavidAKZ]

Where do you think the rage comes from?

[@smalah100]

The first quote made me realized why I misbehaved sometimes when I was a kid....

[@SaraRose1111]

This is the best explanation of BPD i’ve ever heard. I wish my therapists and doctor would have told me this many years ago. Thank you for this, it will help me in my recovery.

[@DrDanielFox]

Thanks. Glad you found it helpful.

[@rjrnj1]

You are an integral part of my wellness journey. I can't believe how I can see clearly, now, everything I'd been thinking/doing. I love CBT and DBT. At 63, I'm finally living my life and loving every single minute of every single day. 🥰🥰

[@rjrnj1]

@@maxwellmark8415 you left out the "1".

[@rjrnj1]

@@maxwellmark8415 Doing great. And yes, thank you. Same to you.

[@rjrnj1]

@@maxwellmark8415 What exactly is it that "Sounds great to hear"?

[@rjrnj1]

@@maxwellmark8415 In response to my telling you that I'm doing well and so is my family, your response is a bit over the top, don't you think? 😉 And P.S. We're not friends, yet. 😁

[@pixieheart9303]

I'm 61 and have lost hope. I don't want to live like this anymore

[@barbalalla2003]

It’s really touching how much you care ♥️

[@Coldnfallen]

So... I want to write a book when I overcome this. If I can't write it myself, I want someone to write it for me. I can't concentrate long enough. Between the physiological issues and my psychiatric issues, my knowledge on the subjects, and my navigation of the medical, juducual, and recovery based living systems, I am well spoken and offer my experience as a single mom that somehow made it to this journey of self exploration. I am grateful.

[@Coldnfallen]

After all... I am Mr. Garrisons legitimate daughter. My dad was a third grade teacher with the last name Garrison. My life mimicked a cartoon for decades. Mom even left for Canada in 1999. Blame Canada, he sang...

[@devonrexcatz]

BPD is a curse. I've lived with it for 65 years. My mother reinforces it by blocking me and applying the silent treatment when she thinks I'm 'naughty' and at 91 years of age, she is doing this as we speak. It's a tough one xx

[@wilson8979]

Can you leave your mom alone? She sounds abusive. I deal with it from my mom. I’m not talking to her.

[@devonrexcatz]

@@wilson8979I have no choice but to leave her alone. She hasn't spoken to me for a month. She's not well either so I'm supposed to now be worried and concerned from a distance. It's a ploy that's played out all my life. You probably know it well by the sound of it xx

[@pcavesnana]

If you feel guilty, you can send your mom a card. In the meantime, embrace your 65 year old "naughty" self. One of the perks of getting old. I'm 68 and sometimes i say the eff word. And i wish my cane could shoot poison darts. Lol In other words, cut yourself some slack. We are great at beating ourselves up. Wishing you good things. Take care of yourself.

[@devonrexcatz]

@@pcavesnana Thanks for that! I had a bit of a laugh...the cane with poison darts. I'm an artist and was actually thinking of doing a portrait of her dog for her and mailing it. But am I doing this because she's old and not well, because I feel guilty because I don't drive 100km every week to stay with her or because I'm subconsciously continuing a cycle of dependency. I don't need her bs. My 60 year old brother said, stay away...she's toxic. All the best to you also. Much love. Belinda xx

[@pcavesnana]

@@devonrexcatz I'll be thinking of you. 🤞 Pam

[@joeyjo7553]

You have no idea how many lives you have impacted. It's been such a dark lonely road with BPD but your videos have helped me understand my bpd. I finally feel seen. Thank you

[@Nat-hu4gq]

Hi my BPD friends, I love you all ❤

[@dM_gH]

❤

[@gailblunt2133]

I have BPD with Narcissist learned traits. I am a survivalist of Narcissist abuse. I am now free of Narcissist and getting therapy. I can breathe again. Good info here, thank you.

[@dimpletoadfoot8631]

We had one therapist who insisted our daughter couldn't have BPD because she hadn't been "officially abandoned". (Insert snarky face here) Like the therapist couldn't grasp that the "abandoned feeling" could come in other ways. One thing that I wish would change, is being able to get a diagnosis for BPD when a child is 10 or 12, instead of having to wait until they're 18 (when they have developed a drug/alcohol problem because their life has been so hard for 10 years already). By the time they're 18, they would have a really hard time learning new ways to control impulses. Wouldn't it make more sense to get them help much earlier in life?

[@lemn-au]

I love you Dr Fox, you saying we, bpd's, are hurting inside brought me to tears.. you are an amazing man and I love you for raising attention to this debilitating disorder. To you Dr Fox, I commend you, for you have given me hope and eased the preconceived notion that I'm not normal. I am normal, worthy and lovable, although I'm so misunderstood by every loved one in my life as I see it, you have given me the strength and knowledge to start accepting and loving who I am, for that I thankyou immensely! My wish is to meet you in this lifetime, for your posts have given me hope, courage and acceptance of who I am. With gratitude, Trina from Tasmania Australia xoxo

[@gailwestphal1604]

This disorder is very misunderstood even by clinicians. I was fortunate to have been treated by the most understanding, patient and resilient physician and over time, I got better. I no longer fear rejection. I value myself enough today and feel competent enough to care for myself. I’m no longer angry and bitter at life and people from my past who could not love me because they too were unloved. I’m not as sensitive as I once was. I try and be more sensitive to others feelings and needs. I’m finally in a good place of acceptance that this is what it is and other than the hurt I caused to others, I wouldn’t change the lessons this life has taught me. I am love. I need not seek it out in others. The work you do is invaluable to our community Dr. Fox. God protect you and bless you in every way. ❣️

[@pokeround]

Very encouraging. "...people from my past who could not love me because they too were unloved". Yes, tragically true.

[@helenwalker5704]

I recently found your channel. I'm in therapy for my diagnosis of BPD. I was diagnosed at 56 and find as an older woman, my journey in treatment is going really rough 😢. I definitely agree with the genetic and environmental aspects of this disorder. And there are too many days I grieve the amazing child I was before trama/abuse.

[@meowmom3296]

I'm 59, got my diagnosis 10 years ago. For the last 8 years I've been celibate. I avoid relationships because in the beginning I stop at the 1st red flag 🚩 now. I'm happy being single. I just don't feel I have time to deal with someone in my age group that can't treat me respectful.

[@jennifermaxine2453]

People suffering with Bpd have never had reciprocation from loved ones...real feedback that is not judgemental...but compassionate...we are looking for that...everyone needs feedback from a real friend, or therapist...you do that so well...with empathy & compassion, understanding...thank you so much...

[@jennifermaxine2453]

@@enaquasanitas7017 What are you talking about? Are you a troll?

[@jennifermaxine2453]

@@enaquasanitas7017 Sounds like you are confused....theres no problem with that...only your own

[@nishakuttyphoto]

Bpd is being homesick when you are at home

[@tatyanaantonelli9417]

I've been diagnosed with BPD when I was 19. I'm 32 now. First things first, we're not all "confused" and "illogical". The way that BPD manifests itself in different individuals is highly variable, and people are all different. I happen to be highly self-aware of my own cognition, affect, and behavior. It wasn't always that way, especially not in the beginning, when I was first diagnosed. But at this point, I've had plenty of personal experiences, as well as plenty of formal education (and research I've done on my own time), which eventually lead to a much greater understanding of my condition over the years. So yeah, firstly, with the whole "How can I destroy your life today" thing, that definitely applies more to ASPD than BPD. We don't typically TRY to destroy anyone's life, not on purpose, at least. True - sometimes, if someone really pisses us off, we might want to get revenge on that person. Such a thing is possible, but also rare. When it does happen, though, we don't sit there and think and plot about it; we act on impulse due to our extreme anger at the time (which, by the way, doesn't last very long). And we also often regret what we've done if it's already happened or change our minds about doing it altogether. But the point is, we don't actually intend to hurt people as much as we just want OUR OWN negative emotions to go away. That's the reality of it, and that's what most people don't seem to understand about us. They think that we purposely mean to hurt or manipulate them, but we don't. But there's very little actual "thinking" involved in that - we act on pure, raw emotion. Also, I'm glad you clarified that there is no actual known cause for BPD because as soon as I clicked this video that was my first thought, looking at the title of it. There is NO KNOWN CAUSE at this point and time for this disorder. Researchers speculate many different things, but nothing has been proven as of yet. We don't know whether there is an actual genetic predisposition to this or not. We theorize that there is, but we don't "know". Also, if true, a genetic predisposition doesn't necessarily mean that you WILL have BPD when you get older. Most likely, it's a combination of both genetic and environmental factors (trauma, social risk factors, and other perceived negative life experiences). But again, point is, all there is is theory, not fact. And again, none of us are exactly alike nor do we act exactly alike. The main thing MOST of us have in common is that we certainly are scared as hell of being abandoned, but our specific behaviors and thinking processes are all different.

[@padraigfarrell2413]

yes all very true from my experiences too!

[@marizona8334]

I haven’t been diagnosed yet. But the points made in the video as well as your comment , describe my situation perfectly. Unbelievable

[@Sonna-pq2zx]

I appreciate this. I actually found the quotes by Dr Gunderson in this video to be highly invalidating. No, I didnt “feel” I was treated unfairly-I WAS treated unfairly. And no, I was not genetically predisposed to being highly emotional and sensitive to rejection. My life experience did that to me. I swear, some of these psychiatrists are bullies. Lots of victim blaming going on here. I looked up Dr Gunderson’s Wikipedia biography and apparently he could be quite an a-hole to his patients.

[@miss_8thwonder]

I would like to ask you or say you something

[@DavidAKZ]

Where do you think the rage comes from?

[@jak9934]

I get a little confused about the phrase “perceived mistreatment.” I hear the word “perceived” used a lot by people explaining Bpd. To me, there is nothing “perceived” about being the recipient of abuse. The word “perceived” seems to suggest doubt or invalidation of the persons very real experience of abuse.

[@goldie7924]

Dr Fox, I recently heard a mental health professional state that people with bpd that this is them, their personality. It's not a mental disorder as bp. This is disturbing to me. So, I am that person that can (rare now) lash out, that is tender hearted, that is me that causes the inability to make friends , and keep family around. This is my choice? I read where it says we know what we're doing. I don't. I didn't know I was being selfish to my very sick friend, that I was hard to deal with bc of my drastic emotions, or that I can say one thing for it to be taken another way. When I am around people out reinforces that I don't want nor need to be. There are so FEW who know or understand bpd. I suffer the paranoia with a lot of stress. Therapist don't get that or the how you just kind of leave your mind but you're there but not. Again the main question... This is me? Like I'm choosing to hurt people when I long and try to help others?

[@aliya2260]

I used to have bpd. I do not anymore. My destructive patterns landed me in the hospital away from my family. I told myself STOP, I will not continue these patterns anymore! It was a conscious decision, and now I have much more control over my emotions. It’s all about deliberate self control and resisting the urge to rage. To the people saying they are “sufferers” of bpd, I beg to differ. I too, thought I was a “sufferer” until I made the conscious, deliberate effort to control my anger and emotions when my needs were not being met. I decided to practise gratitude instead. I decided to look at the glass half full instead of half empty. I am much happier now!

[@DrDanielFox]

That is wonderful! I’m glad to hear that you are doing well and I wish you all the best. Thank you for sharing your experience.

[@aliya2260]

@@DrDanielFox Thank you doctor

[@la381]

6:45 Totally disagree that people with BPD are genetically wired to make it hard for them to FEEL LOVE. They may have the disposition to feel emotions much deeper (a lot of empaths are this way), but that has NOTHING to do with the inability to "FEEL LOVE". They FEEL everything and all the emotions outside of them very deeply, which is 180 degrees different from what the psychologist in this video is saying. The fact is, people with BPD absolutely feel love easily, if and when it is demonstrated to them. That is not their problem. The problem is that their environment was highly toxic and abusive. Their caregivers were absent or narcissistic, sociopathic or psychopathic. OTHER PEOPLE who were responsible for SHOWING THE CHILD LOVE failed to do so. EVERY SINGLE BPD Person I have ever met in my professional mental health work has always been raised in an emotionally abusive and negligent home. There was a great deal of negligence and abandonment by the caregivers. The fact that the child developed BPD is not a surprise to me. It's more of a natural response to moderate to severe emotional neglect, abuse, and abandonment, just like getting the flu in the winter is a natural response when the necessary nutrients are not fed to a child and left in severe weather conditions.

[@aljazkolar]

couldn't agree more my bro. how can a person be trusting as an adult when they're born to parents that betray their trust as deeply as possible in childhood. Actually i got the feeling that betrayal could even go much much deeper and this is scaring the shit out of me.

[@JohnDoe-fu4qd]

I believe bdp is from cptsd and the identity issues arise because a bpd person identified w defense mechanisms and irrational beliefs that drive and amplify the emotional dysregulation. What creates safety and certainty is a neurotic adaption to trauma. That creates identities. And the behavior of acting out. I didn’t connect the loneliness and abandonment to it until recently. Thank for your insight.

[@orinmallory5261]

I recently found out I prolly have bpd, been in a cycle of hurting my exs and it has become a patter recently lost the best thing ever last year. All you content is very good for helping curb it as I can't afford therapy.

[@trippytofu]

the level of compassion that you bring to this conversation moved me to tears and i don’t even have bpd. i do however struggle with adhd, anxiety & depression so i can definitely align with feeling like i’m literally living life on hard mode for no reason. thank you for taking the time to educate with love.

[@DrDanielFox]

Your kind words mean a lot to me. I'm glad I could resonate with you on a personal level.

[@farmanshaikh6405]

My ex had been diagnosed w/ BP type 2 and BPD as a child, which she admitted to me, shortly after we started dating. I didn't know enough about it, and shrugged it off, which i eventually regretted doing. She put me through hell and as a result of the emotionally abusive relationship that i was in, i also ended up developing severe depression and anxiety. After i ended the relationship, i learned a lot about these disorders, in an attempt to to understand/humanize the condition, to try to cope with what i had endured from this person, but to this day, i still cannot fathom how someone, that appeared to be so loving, caring and affectionate, turned into a complete psychopathic monster, who tried to ruin my life....i'm talking about my family, my career, everything and anything that meant something to me, she tried to destroy. Such people are not fit to be in society. They should have a special place to remain, where they CANNOT harm other people.

[@cherylsapcote7327]

I am so sorry. I have watched a BPD friend do this to others and always hoped they could find and maintain a good relationship at the end of the day. I feel terrible for those who were cast aside and blamed as they were almost without exception kind decent people. It is a miserable condition for all involved 🤕😥🥺

[@markusmeyer6391]

Your compasssion and understanding touched me deeply I'm sobbing from gratitude. Thank you for understanding, thank you for not having stigmatized, thank you for not having rejected... Thank you so much.

[@DrDanielFox]

You are so welcome

[@k.mihalic8945]

Dr Fox, please please show brain scans of people with vs. people without BPD. There is supposed to be a clear difference in the two brains. I think this would be extremely helpful to have to show those disbelievers who think we are just making excuses for bad behavior. And also those who believe we can just STOP being a sufferer. Please. I know it would help my unbelievers. I’m sure there’s got to be others who would like to see the differences. Thanks and I appreciate anything you can do. Best wishes always to you.

[@may4092]

Unstable destructive behaviour my whole life I’ve just recently realised my emotions are extremely unstable. (20 years old) then came across this term called BPD and I got shocked. I felt this way my entire life (the rapid change in emotions and mood) so I didn’t know something was wrong with me, I thought everyone else feel that way. I can relate to so many things regarding this illness I need to get my self diagnosed!!!!!! (English not 100%) .

[@jennikooyman2079]

I found this not only helpful Dr. Fox but so hopeful and compassionate. Thank you for your sharing your gift

[@jennifermaxine2453]

I dated a covert Narcissist...he used me to become an agent...he gaslit me, accused me of what he was doing...he used reverse victim blame...to win over me ..he used me as a punching bag, & when I went off, he accused me of being the abuser....all borderlines need to seek domestic violence classes...so your abuser doesn't get the upper hand...I am a survivor...I have had my head bashed into the concrete, by my narcissistic boyfriend....he punched me, kicked me bashed my head into my own car....then he had a gun pulled on him...he ran away....he always played victim...& he was a drug addict ...he was abusive when I was sober ...I almost lost my life from staying with a Narcissist...he almost killed me. Then made me feel guilty. No more guilt here. I am free...& If he made me miserable enough to be suicidal...they would enjoy it. Sadists

[@nikitahristova]

Thank you 🙏 Based on this, could we claim that the anger of the borderline is actually justified? In the end, the borderline’s needs were not met in childhood and we all know that children are wired for connection and acceptance. So this lack of emotional support/validation in childhood has left enormous frustration in the person who developed BPD as a result. For me, it sounds like a well justified anger 🤷

[@suhleenuhaguliarr8338]

it is justified anger but shouldnt justify the toxic actions bc at the end of the day we should be held accountable for our actions

[@marniehall6907]

@@suhleenuhaguliarr8338 are you BPD? Because if not, well even if you are I need you not talk at the moment because you are really triggering me right now. I would say that you are NOT. Because at the moment you are sounding just like my mother. Even if it is justified we need to be held accountable for our behavior. Essentially saying my behavior is much more unacceptable than that of my narcissistic mother who abused me mercilessly ! In other words how dare I be angry and hurt and bitter. I am the problem not her, me because of my REACTION!! it's always been my fault, and I found these videos because I am having an exceptionally hard time right now. And I have some person who I don't even know telling me that I am out of line by my reaction to the life long abuse I have endured from my mother my sister who jumped on the band wagon at an early age and knew how to manipulate the situation so that I was the one who was punished, I was the one who was wrong, even when it was absolutely my sister who was in the wrong but she was the baby mamas favorite. She was perfect and beautiful and I was the one who spoiled every thing. And I was no where near as pretty as my sister. My mother even told my future husband who she was meeting for the first time . After he made a comment to a guy passing by who whistled at me that he didn't need to be jealous , he didn't need to worry about someone taking me from him . Who would want me because I wasn't very attractive at all! But hey suhleena aguliarr your right how dare I REACT in any other way than to keep silent and hold my tongue!!! Damn I can't take this double standard shit from people like you and my mother! Her favorite put down... "I would send you to live with your father but even he doesn't want your goddamn ass!" Yeah no, don't tell me my reaction is unacceptable!!!

[@tracyrussell4561]

My son is 23 years old with ASD and bpd traits. He is so negative and has such angry outbursts and destructive behaviour. What I find sad is knowing therapy would help but DBT or CBT is expensive. In the UK it isn't provided on the NHS. Also, for anyone looking through the comments who have bpd or kids with bpd all yourself is there a history of autoimmune disorders? I had sarcoidosis while pregnant with my son and I'm convinced this is the reason for his asd and possibly bpd. I would like to know everyone's thoughts.

[@justjess6636]

That's the thing, it's very hard to even think I can. I don't see the "progress" people talk about with me and it frustrates me more

[@theicemaiden5816]

Please can you do a video about bullying in adulthood and how this affects someone with bpd? I was bullied in work by a superior who was determined to try to make me look insane. The irony is I was perfectly fine at the time, but over time this changed as people trying to get me to say I was mentally ill and it was OK to talk about made me actually ill (no, I was not stupid enough to tell them what they were messing with). Now I'm back at square one and years of hard work to be OK is down the toilet

[@lurkwave]

i literally cried watching this.

[@th8257]

It'll be interesting to see how our knowledge advances in the coming years and how much more we will understand the genetics and physiology. The symptoms sound at times like the way some who have ADHD have described their emotions. I understand ADHD and BPD are often comorbid.

[@majajankovic1393]

Hi I just want to say thank you for making videos for BPD. Currently I'm crying since my mom doesn't want to hear about my illness and I lost all my friends. I feel so lonely right now and unloved. I feel so hopeless. But you give me hope. I'm going to therapy soon. I hope I'll survive. Its really hard, I feel like a demon. Not worth living anymore.

[@gallawaysk]

Where did you get your “Happy Everything” plate? It’s fabulous and I’d love something so positive on my desk.

[@albywhitelady]

I suffer from BPD and your videos help me to increase my insight on my condition. It is so true, this condition causes a lot of pain and so much of that pain comes from people who don't understand.

[@jadefreeman9937]

Thank you so much, life is hard every day and every little positive constructive comments and information are gratefully received

[@manhathaway]

This video is so direct in confronting this issue, I don't think I have ever seen it explained so succinctly. This is wonderful I really needed to hear this and I would definitely use it to reach out to those who don't understand.

[@2okaycola]

Succinctly**

[@manhathaway]

@@2okaycola aaaaaa thank you I couldn't figure that out for the life of me!

[@love196627]

It's taken months of learning about BPD to finally realize that the thing that may have produced this in my daughter was her growing up in hiding because we made the permanent break from my psychopathic momwhen she was 6. We had to stop contact with everyone we knew to protect ourselves from her.

[@DrDanielFox]

I’m sorry to hear of your experience but I’m glad the videos are helpful.

[@lolopcallulu3082]

Everytime I watch this I break down crying. It’s so accurate. I’m not diagnosed though. I sense my therapist thinks I’m autistic due to the questions she asks me. I think it might be either one or maybe even adhd. Maybe it’s two of those. Maybe it’s the holy trinity lol. Maybe just one. Either way whatever this is I’d like to get to the bottom of it

[@DrDanielFox]

Perhaps doing an assessment to determine what’s present can help. Find a psychologist for help. Knowledge is power.

[@lolopcallulu3082]

@@DrDanielFox I agree. I’ve only had one session with my new therapist but I think I should rip the bandage off early. I have notes in my phone and on paper that describe the things I don’t have the courage to say to her. Hopefully those help explain because they’re a lot more honest than anything I’d ever say out loud. If I don’t find the courage to ask her for a referral this week at least I’ve been more honest and I’ll try again the next. If I do, go me! Thank you

[@lolopcallulu3082]

@@DrDanielFox update: I have my first psych appointment today. thank you so much for everything!!!!

[@watercat9665]

@@lolopcallulu3082 I know I’m 5 months late but how did it go😭

[@Starnub_]

3:22 . It’s really wild to think about. It’s my experience, even down to the past relationships upon reflecting

[@Blessedbyvenus92]

I am the black sheep of my family i love psychology it comes natural to me I noticed all my siblings including myself suffer from bpd one of them I believe has antisocial psychopathic personality disorder that one i no longer speak to its like they dont see what theyre doing and just keep doing it over and over again unaware its sad. Thank you for this

[@DrDanielFox]

You're very welcome. I'm glad the video was helpful. Be well.

[@earthdragonw]

Thank you for this video. This exactly describes every single night I've experienced in my life. The amount of pain is overwhelming indeed, especially as you realize how disproportionate things can be yet your instinct and nature is always to take you there.

[@DrDanielFox]

Glad it was helpful!

[@4HeimatLiebe]

cause of bpd is being brought up by narc parent(s) and/or living through a trauma in Childhood or Youth. That being said and known the Solution is still to take ones own Responsibility as a Grown up back in Ones own Hands and become a reflected and independent Person; and DBT as well as post Trauma Therapy is helpfull to get to that State and learn to love and respect Oneself and enjoy Life without depending on outside Validation. Much Love 2 everyone reading this.

[@DrDanielFox]

Thanks for the comment.

[@lmnop244]

Terbutaline. Also known as brethine. I was prescribed this when pregnant. It passed to my child in utero and destroyed neurotransmitters (Duke University Research). It caused damage that led to my son being on the autism spectrum and also diagnosed with adhd and later at the age of 20 with BPD. The drug company Novartis has tried to deny responsibility for this impact. They were successfully sued in California by twins diagnosed with autism, whose mom was given terbutaline. Treatment for people with BPD needs to involve both the person with BPD and those closest to him or her. It requires training (thank you Family Connections, several therapists and Dr Fox Videos) practice, patience and a lot of grace. Our family and countless other families have suffered immensely while drug companies have prospered. When it comes to the cause of BPD, drug companies, specifically Novartis in this case, should be held accountable.

[@naomieden2767]

Watching your videos helps me feel less "crazy" and way more understood- thank you ❤

[@amandashort7039]

I think my bpd started or was caused when my Dad died when I was 14. I felt like he abandoned us.

[@BIBLE-a-s-m-r]

In short I think bpd develops when you grow up without compassion

[@balancedgrowth7276]

Also, I find it extremely invalidating and condescending that he said that we feel we were mistreated and now we are angry about it. Would no one else be upset or angry if they were neglected or abused?

[@pcavesnana]

Awww Dr. Fox, you made me cry. Thank you for this very special video. Pleaase know you have such a positive effect on your listeners. You are wise and compassionate. I have been healing myself for 7 years now, and I am truly amazed that has been possible. And working! A daily awareness has been ny guiding light. Thank you for your dedication. I listen to you often.

[@paulipaz]

You speak with not only knowledge but genuine care about those of us with BPD. I wish you were my therapist. Thank you.

[@DrDanielFox]

Thank you for your comment and I’m glad that you found a video helpful.

[@jade1650]

Thank you so much I think ur helping me Change my life for the better I’ve been watching ur videos for a couple weeks now and I feel like I understand myself a bit more. Every little thing makes me feel like my world is crashing down. I don’t want people to leave me but my self destructive behavior and attitude makes it draining for people to be around me or stay with me. I feel my relationship is failing as I’m typing this I’m trying to get better so that I can make it last this time. I feel so miserable and unlovable and undeserving of anything good. Something as simple as my boyfriend not texting me back sends me into a spiral I feel insane but ur videos help me calm down a lot and I thank you for that.

[@godless_rain22]

Dr. Fox, thank you so much for these videos. I appreciate the work that you do and your compassion for the personality disorder community and your focus on BPD. Your videos are never demoralizing, neither is your work book.

[@bonniebluebella2844]

That paragraph hit home cleanly. Sometimes I experience moments of constant “internal swinging”, as I know it. It always changes and sometimes is most definitely involuntary. I’m not saying I have BPD, but it does encourage me to seek a form on negation or confirmation. It would be assuring to have an answer, otherwise often times I wind up thinking “maybe it’s just me”. Thank you for this video

[@aleri81]

What a beautiful thing to say! That we can be amazing and productive people in society when we reach certain stability. Through art (drawing) I want to express all this emotions we often feel and show the world how it is. When someone asked me how I felt, mostly at the beginning of this illness, I just showed them one of my drawings and I think they understood it better that way, they looked a little bit shocked by some details in the image but at the same time showed empathy and compassion.

[@marniehall6907]

I'm labeled BPD because I'm angry about the abuse I suffered at the hands of my mother and the other adults in my life! And my sister who learned to play that shit and knew she could cry and my mother would come unglued on my ass! How is this my fault! How is it an unrealistic perception???????!!!!!!!! My god doc I'm in Pflugerville Texas I'd love to talk with you on the phone and share with you a little bit about what my childhood was like! And I'd love to hear you explain to me how my abuse was just a negative unrealistic perception!!!

[@NTGreekGal]

Thank you for being an advocate for those of us who suffer with BPD!

[@ruthmaryrose]

My problem was not growing up thinking I was treated unfairly but that there was something wrong with me. I’m 76 years old and my first conscious memory of having this feeling was at my 10th birthday party. My mother had gone all out to have a nice party for me. I knew that I should feel happy, but I didn’t. That realization stayed with me through the years and I would try to mask the feeling of emptiness within by pretending that I was joyful and happy. I have had a journey of searching for the answer with books and talk therapy, but never quite found the answer. Just recently I discovered that my father had been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder so I began researching that possibility and found that BPD can be inherited. This video is about the best that I have seen and almost brought me to tears. Perhaps I have finally found the answer to my quest. I am hoping to begin therapy with a new therapist after the first of the year with this new information.

[@angieeissa8679]

Thank you for your compassionate explanation of a disorder which is even portrayed as an evil manipulative disorder. I never resonated with DSM description of the symptoms either. It's too broad and basically describes extreme behaviours which isn't the common in majority of BPDs

[@Briget6]

My daughter has BPD, as do I. The guilt I feel ugh.

[@Sarablueunicorn]

You passed the trauma to her, not the genes.

[@thereisnosanctuary6184]

Excuse Taylor. Thinks she knows you.

[@jspider6185]

I haven't been diagnosed with BPD but I do think I have some traits. That first quote - I hate myself for the bits I relate to.

[@arabellacox]

For me, I didn't grow up angry, I had too many issues born out of neglect and abuse to be angry! The man you quote is talking second-hand, he does not have BPD, only those of us who have it can really know what goes on in our minds. BPD is soon to be renamed to something like Childhood ACE's Disorder which far better describes how poor parenting affects the neural pathways, how neglect, abuse and a lack of 'prescence' damages children. I am not completely healed, far from it but I'd like to say what an amazing human being I already am, capable of giving so much love AND receiving it - just ask my kids!

[@DrDanielFox]

That’s wonderful and thank you for sharing.

[@k.polanchekfntp8033]

Thank you for your seriousness in this video. BPD, PPD here and I finally have help at 55. This video is super validating and helpful.

[@DrDanielFox]

Glad it helped!

[@ghostqueen2082]

Very helpful; compassion alone won't help them we need tools...

[@DrDanielFox]

I'm glad you found the video helpful! Tools are definitely essential in making a real impact.

[@aura7990]

7:35 made me cry. thank you for reminding that recovery is possible

[@rossellaleonardi2908]

Thank you, doctor Fox. One of the most expert about this illness that the majority of people do not understand and invalidate constantly. Facts!

[@gowtham7231]

I literally cried when you talked about the difference between a person with BPD and someone with ASPD in terms of their morality. I was verbally and emotionally abusive towards my ex, and I didn't respect her boundaries throughout our relationship, but I never really wanted to cheat on her. I was addicted to her and never would have left her for petty reasons (like looks, financial background, etc.), which people with NPD or ASPD actually seek in a relationship, and they will manipulate and exploit their partner for power and status, which I believe I wouldn't have done at any point in our relationship. I am thankful to people like you who helped me understand my mental health issue so that now I am leading a better life.

[@JakauYT]

Another great video doc :)

[@barnbum6677]

In my case I don't recall the abuse or trauma that caused what I believe is bpd. I'd always thought I was super sensitive and had learned the behaviors I have from parents and ....the withdrawing and isolation not trusting ppl came from hard lessons. I never thought my brain was permanently changed aside from ptsd, I'd recognized the anxiety at Times and certain situations... it's very difficult to accept and feel like how the the hell did it take 34 years to figure this out..... if I would've known I'd of addressed it before it'd gotten to the point to where it is now.

[@benxo]

100% bang on, brilliant description

[@murrayshomeforwaywardchick9182]

I always love your videos, but how you closed this one with so much compassion and a positive outlook on what people with BPD can be like was beyond heartwarming. Thank you.

[@isabelledetaillefer2726]

This explains so much. I know a number of people with BPD who had a father already married to someone else. That exclusion from the 'real' family causes a lifetime of anger, resentment & feelings of rejection &- betrayal. In some cases the father left the family to be with his new love & child, and STILL the feelings of not being part of the 'real' family caused trauma, jealousy and feelings of being the outsider...even though this youngest offspring might have been revered & spoiled over the older children. It's a strange dynamic.

[@DG123z]

It's not genetic. It's unresolved trauma because of a lack of proper emotional support. Emotional neglect amplifies over time. The longer a person goes without their basic emotional needs met, the more extreme their behavior becomes and a greater amount is required to alter behavior and provide reassurance until a person can feel secure in their needs being kept met.

[@DrDanielFox]

Thanks for sharing your interesting perspective. I appreciate it.

[@carlettacampos3686]

Yes! I was thinking the same and how this ties into attachment theory.

[@mebeasensei]

In other words, C-PTSD and ADHD can be merged into BPD and attachment disorders ..or the other way around. I have Order-Disorder, which is a rational adaptation to seeing KZbin videos about disorders whose creators promulgate various disorders based on common symptoms either for the viewers to contemplate their own problems within their framework or to sooth them by considering the way others have abused them as victims (videos about narcissism etc)