Beware of Bait and Switch: How Narcissist Deceive

[@yashna88]

Until you see the change of what they were vs how they are now, the severe anxiety, the lack of love, the dismissal, no change and no accountability..that’s when you realise this is the future IF you decide to stay.

[@nomorenarcz]

Well said

[@virtualmorality]

Damn you been spying on my life? Thought about that just the other day. "THIS IS THEM NOW"

[@camarwalker5876]

Yep, a miserable life. I saw it every morning I opened my eyes. Thank God it's over!

[@CharlesBukowski-m1o]

​@@camarwalker5876 Good for you, Carma... I am now walking your path and FED UP too!

[@HomeSweetSamantha]

My ex husband literally used the term bait and switch to describe our relationship. Well, he pinned me against the wall, and attempted to choke me and tried to punch me in the face with a closed fist. Narcissists project. He said I was the bait and switch, but he was. I stopped wanting to have sex or want to sleep with him. We are divorced. Thank God.

[@theoriginal7727]

Yeah, they always tell on themselves! Abusing and accusing the other person of the precise thing which they are doing. Starting arguments, screaming at the other person, telling them to stop screaming! The most bizarre thing you’ve ever imagined. Or never imagined. Because impossible conceived what kind of hell it is to be with one of them, until you’ve actually been through it yourself.

[@heylookits]

Funny how they are mean as fuck and treat you like shit all day then scream at you for not wanting to have sex.

[@Cornjoelio5]

Literally my wife. Currently, I keep forgiving her for the sake of the kids having a mother. The physical abuse and the songs she sings while I sit down and try to get peace......Its all projection

[@mrsk812]

My ex (narc husband) would insult my body when we had sex. Then he was angry when I was never in the mood. Who would be?

[@fortheloveofdeltaco]

It's not because they want to have sex. It's because they know that you don't want it, and they want to make you do what you don't want to do. It's rape that they want. They are rapists. It's not about the sex. It's about dominance.

[@jennifer78756]

It's not until the devalue stage you see how self centered they are.

[@soulsciencewithgia5915]

Yep

[@destinationunderground6006]

Truth!!

[@westcoast747]

Cold as ice.

[@ursularose3270]

I get the full display till post divorce and tbh the selfishness and pure evil has been 100% spectacular. The shock still hasn't worn off. I do believe they are under demonic possession.

[@cynicalafflictional1725]

😅yeah

[@allsouls5997]

Don't project your goodness onto them. When they speak about how evil they are believe them. It comes from their heart.

[@karenlynch8348]

You have unrealistic advice

[@mysticalmisfit33]

You’re right about them speaking the truth. My ex called her self a bitch all the time when we first started dating. But I think we should be ourselves and give goodness to everyone. Deep down they’re a hurt child.

[@allsouls5997]

@@mysticalmisfit33 Yes. We also have to be aware that many will use your kindness against you. You also have to be strong and aware protect yourself.

[@gabrielleaumont3971]

What heart? They have a PUMP.

[@mysticalmisfit33]

@@allsouls5997 that be true

[@jmmamm2489]

I would tell my ex he completely misrepresented himself in our relationship. He led me to believe he was something that he absolutely was not. Told me he wanted an equal partner but in the end he didn’t know how to even be a partner on any level let alone an equal partner. He displayed literally all the toxic traits/behaviors of a covert narcissist.

[@tricialafrancerougas]

I’m so sorry! This happened with my ex-husband!!! He mirrored me before marriage and after marriage, he totally changed and was a different person- different beliefs, consistent lying, being unfaithful, etc.. then when I confronted his lying, he would tell me it was too late because we’re married and I’m stuck. He said it 3 times in a row! It was a nightmare… so glad I’m out and healing ❤️‍🩹 I had no idea what a narcissist was until my ex. I’ve learned a lot!! Hope you’re healing 🫶🏼

[@CarbonSwordOfTruth]

20:24 Amen! 😢😢

[@hfizz1254]

Same here. On the wedding altar, I realized I was making a grave mistake. I should have called it off right then and then, but I am too nice that way. I didn't want to be the jerk. Not two full weeks after our wedding, he started with the psychological and financial torture. After 6 years of marriage to this lazy pos, nearly bankrupt and my health collapsing, I filed for divorce. Doing much better now: I repaired my financial situation, recovered my health with the support of a great functional medicine doc, and found true love 💖💖💖

[@suzesinger6762]

​@@hfizz1254😮😢😊❤🎉

[@boxelder9167]

“Con-artist” is the only word I had for them (decades ago) before I started finding out this is a common thing and it has a lot more vocabulary to describe it. Thank you for turning your pain into our gain by fleshing it out. I still think they should have the word tattooed onto their forehead so they can be easily spotted from a safe distance.

[@veebliss1266]

Exactly con , frauds , etc and they still come back even after you know 😂 shameless people

[@boxelder9167]

@@veebliss1266 - Ironically enough they are full of shame and insecurity but they don’t want to feel it so they do the opposite behavior of what will bring them out of it. They want a surrogate who will feel the negative emotions for them. Hence they use people like a drug to numb their own pain and doing so fuels their ego.

[@victoriavitoroulis3273]

They definitely have a big scarlet letter N so ppl have a chance to run 🏃‍♀️

[@irenahabe2855]

😂🎯

[@lena-Ramone]

Now just build yourselves up and forget the psychopath

[@ztebazile]

Ross and Dr. Ramani have helped me heal from narc abuse so much! The narc in my life even dragged me into court and I'm not even trippin because I feel so empowered and equipped to handle it

[@LookUpYourRedemptionDrawsNigh]

U r brave!!

[@Ashley-e6w1h]

As you should!!

[@CharlesBukowski-m1o]

She's into BLM, so I stopped listening to her

[@raymondezell7817]

“Which they don’t remember and don’t wanna talk about…” 🎯🎯🎯 Spot on and we BEEN knew it. 🤷🏿‍♂️

[@NarcBoxTheory]

My fave quote “You only see in others, which you see in yourself… a blessing & a curse!”… it’s a very deep meaning, when you fully explore it ❤

[@surlif]

Who are you quoting? Thanks.

[@NarcBoxTheory]

@@surlif it’s an old Irish saying..

[@kerryharper5675]

Sometimes see previous versions of ourselves too. Healed and remembered but not triggered as such but observing an old self ...

[@HappyJoy-0777]

I have bought myself a few cars before, Jesus has been extremely kind too me and I’ve been blessed with multiple free cars. Not all of them were the best looking but some were. I’m almost certain the next car I get here soon will be free and it will be a nice car as well IN JESUS NAME!!!!!! 😊

[@bobbarker1798]

I'm not sure that's entirely true. Personally, I wouldn't do anything to deliberately cause another harm, yet I've known ppl who do and some who enjoy, very much, enjoy causing others harm. I don't have to be an abuser to recognize an abuser.

[@thankyoujesus2836]

I feel like I’m in a pool of terrible people… I constantly think to myself it wasn’t always like this? When and how did this start? I remember a time or place where people and life was decent. What happened?..

[@chilloften]

It’s when you were a naive child. Once you see it, you cannot un see it.

[@Mari-zr1vl]

@@chilloftenare we really really sure about that? Children are naive not stupid.

[@valeriezaitzieff1462]

Maybe its time to move out of your comfort zone & find new activities, hobbies & friends that will bring more positivity into your life? Just a friendly suggestion. 🥰🙏

[@LimitlessThinker]

I feel the same.

[@micheletubaj7924]

We are in end times that's what is happening! Jesus said the world will wax cold! People are being exposed for who they truly are.

[@bunnyking4938]

They play with your emotions ,they set you up being nice then the nasty comes out to play and they start laughing at you and the abuse kicks in

[@jeankeats3200]

Exactly.

[@sinceresong9907]

nailed it

[@doranvee5944]

She found out I was having neurological issues stemming from traumatic brain damage. She comes over. Brings groceries, etc. Acting like she "cares." In my vulnerability, she decides to start telling me about she and her lover. I think to myself, just how cruel can one go to rub salt in a wound and destroy me further?

[@Ranunculus924]

​@@doranvee5944sadistic

[@Candy-O1776]

They literally laugh…

[@delphihendrix808]

Thank goodness more people are being educated about this sht! I was stuck for the last 7 years. I was manipulated and abused psychologically, economically, and financially. I wasn’t prepared. I had no idea until he started hacking everything, including cameras everywhere I didn’t know. Things got really bad. I left and lost everything I owned, everybody I knew, even my pets, even my daughter. Devastating. I was married 23 years. The best thing I have ever done was to leave! No matter what I lost. I had left many times in the past, but would go back. Don’t ever go back! It will just be worse in the future.

[@kynathomas4809]

How old is your daughter?

[@delphihendrix808]

@@kynathomas4809 my daughter is 19. He turned her against me and if she talks to me now, he would make her suffer. He has way more money than I do.

[@mojadah10]

Your daughter????

[@AnGeLaOYA]

More to it... this person promises you what you want/need, but when they got you, they stop giving it to you, then they dangle it and only give you a little at a time with the promise of everything some day... only those who do the real work of figuring out what they themselves really want and why can get out stronger than ever! It takes work! A lot of work! The narc has deep issues, they either brave the storm to go deep or they blame you and go for another supply. The narc has nothing when the victim gets whole, all their own! Thank you JESUS!

[@boxelder9167]

Beautifully said. Future faking and promises that will never be delivered in full. They are always renegotiating the terms after you do your part and they are supposed to deliver on their part and they are constantly moving the goalposts to accuse you of not doing your part.

[@veebliss1266]

If you truly love and respect yourself you will leave at first red flag 🚩 first interaction they switch up if they don’t address and fix it they must be left behind . People have to have strong boundaries and standards

[@l.5832]

@@veebliss1266 Aaaah... I guess as a toddler I should have left my mother. As I grew in to an adult, I knew no other way as she was careful to isolate us in a very strict religion where you were to socialize with 'outsiders'. I knew I should have been treated better. I just couldn't understand why I couldn't get her to see that. Please don't victim blame. Everyone's story is different and many would leave if they could. We know we deserve love.....

[@naturelover-f6h]

You nailed it.

[@janellegonzalez9863]

​@@l.5832May I ask what religion? Sorry for your negative experiences. My mother had these traits and lost herself in the Jehovahs Witnesses, she died at 73 shunning her family with the exception of my dad. So very sad.

[@WoodenFeather-xm3vl]

I remember the moment I read in your book the term co-dependent anorexia. My heart sank. All the years I avoided being in a relationship I thought I was healing more than I was. I had barely just escaped at total set up when I had enough sense to do a deep dive into how and why I got duped by this individual. Your book was one of the first I read in the journey. Putting my psyche under a microscope was terrifying yet necessary. Curing my SLD has been my mission since. I had also never heard it termed SLD and sadly you are correct, I embraced that and now I could do something about it.

[@annettegardiner7270]

What is SLD please?

[@WoodenFeather-xm3vl]

@@annettegardiner7270 what R. Rosenburg coined Self Love Deficit person generally from the depravity they were raised in. Emotional neglect etc

[@magpie2163]

Omg, I found your channel in times when I just met a new guy and ALL my red flags are up. Going to binge watch your videos now!! Much love /Maria

[@islaryan4728]

I was getting massive anxiety when I was getting hooked and baited recently by a narcissist. It is so difficult to interpret. Lots of masking and warping of reality. I eventually realised I had to cut the relationship and still trying to deal with it, particularly when i still have to cross paths with this person. Very hurtful.

[@homemadeeasy9418]

This is one of the best explanations of this personality disorder that I’ve come across to date! Thank you!

[@stellar52]

Yes. When my Nex told me about having had an affair and a chikd with this (still)married woman three months into the relationship, he said: If I had told you, you wouldn't have wanted to be with me." He knew that one of my biggest early childhood traumas (apart from having tonfull blown Narc parents ) is that my father cheated and had affairs. So my Nex knew I would have probably never chosen to be with him. Instead, I got stuck for more than two years with a "covert"Narcissist who added more depression, more suicidal thoughts and much more anxiety to my CPTSD

[@sandrathomas2893]

Your mom most likely wasn't a narc but showed up as someone wrecked by a narc. A narc doesn't choose a narc. There's no supply there. They hollow out their partners over time. My Mom wrecked my dad and my siblings bought the lies that he was the problem. Narcissism is trauma based mind control!!

[@jennifergalberth1240]

ME mine me. Don't label yourself. Claim good news for you.

[@MC-rw2bk]

People who were abused in their childhood tend to attract abusers in their adulthood. I hope you have healed from that situation and wish you the best.

[@suzesinger6762]

😢❤🎉

[@Lea-xt5sg]

They are monsters using are childhood trauma against us. They all do it without an exception

[@jacquelinejacobson6789]

Where were you 30 years ago when every therapist I went to had no idea how to treat me? Was raised by narcissist mother and kept choosing narcissists, controllers and psychopaths. Thank you for this therapeutic video.

[@escapistreader3860]

I feel you. No psychologists are there in my country.

[@HomeFrendsten]

Empaths are losers in Narcstc relationships and they should save themselves and find some supporting people and heal

[@RainFall2112]

They are just a different variety of narcissist.

[@staciacrick3373]

@@RainFall2112When considering oneself an “empath” it’s a different version of feeling superior because they are “ special “ Yes, narcissistic, which is different than other forms of emotional empathy that involves healthy boundaries

[@cody_go_create]

@@staciacrick3373the superiority comes from a moral place. It’s still there. It’s manipulative and largely unconscious. Stay away from narcs and most people who identifies themselves as an ‘empath’.

[@staciacrick3373]

@@cody_go_create Yes, empaths are likely vulnerable narcissists because there is grandiosity within feeling superior for their "empath" selves. Yes, the majority of all narcissistic behaviors are unconscious, which is why they aren't really "gaslighting" others(even if it feels that way from the experience of the victim) because that is a conscious and strategic behavior done by psychopaths.

[@CharlesBukowski-m1o]

You people in the comments sound like trolls narcing out big time!

[@TienLam-t6b]

Well..The bait and switch tactics happen everywhere nowadays especially in the US government systems..Period...

[@Anna-eu8px]

My bait and switch experiences with a variety of narcissists consist of ‘selling’ a wondrous fantasy story or showing enthusiastic interest in doing something, and then going cold or canceling last minute. You are left confused, disillusioned and yearning (for the SLDs) for the bait. This is a tool of intermittent reinforcement, keeping you coiled around the abuser.

[@nemoteric]

How does one escape this black hole? For nearly a decade now I’ve been assuming I must be the problem since nearly everyone in my family has been gaslighting me all this time, long before I had even heard that word. And as you mentioned in this or another video, they’ve successfully buried me as mentally ill while simultaneously using me as the scapegoat to pin all their abhorrent behavior on. The few family members who seem like good people don’t want to get involved, and I can’t say I can blame them when they see what has happened to me as a result. It feels like now that I’m finally seeing enough of the big picture, I’m too exhausted to possibly climb out of this hole and can’t even begin to explain how insanely convoluted it is to any therapist. No human in the world has enough time.

[@RossRosenberg]

Come and join my treatment program. Here is the link: www.selfloverecovery.com/pages/self-love-recovery-treatment

[@bumblebee_ms]

I've never been called a half-person, but it makes sense. That's why we become whole after healing.

[@bereal6590]

Yes, once we value ourselves. Growing up in toxic families teaches one to devalue oneself. That benefits the toxic parents, who then can turn round and blame adult children for having lives that are a mess and not being what the parents wanted. In reality it's what they wanted all along because it keeps them higher in the pecking order and offspring subservient and pliable to fulfil what the parents want

[@bumblebee_ms]

@@bereal6590 Very well said, they are lessons I had to learn later in life. Thank you for your wise words, much appreciated.

[@bereal6590]

@@bumblebee_ms I'm not so wise but thank you for the compliment, all the best to you bumblebee

[@bumblebee_ms]

@@bereal6590Wise and humble, great traits. All the best to you too.

[@claudiaschneider5744]

Many so called insurance guys try to bait and switch their klients -telling them lies only while trying to make the deal. It´s a criminal manipulation and goes all about the money.

[@NarcBoxTheory]

It’s all about switching the ego states.. from adult to child with us.. & from child to parent for them… driving reactions and assigning blame!!

[@veebliss1266]

❤

[@naturelover-f6h]

I had to leave a 28 year marriage to what I believe is a Antisocial Narc or BPD. I was losing myself, feeling very low self-worth, etc. I didn't exist in my own life and by the grace of God my eyes were opened to what was happening. Is it fair to say that a bait and switch is basically future-faking? I was told we were gonna do so many things, etc. etc. and none of it happened. All the while I am over-functioning, giving, doing, only to be left with breadcrumbs and exhausted. I feel foolish but know that I needed this lesson in life to toughen up a bit, regain my sense of self, be assertive, confident and that it's ok to take back my own life. Unfortunately, now I am dealing with the blackmail, threats, punishment and smear campaigns.

[@Theflyingpotato]

one less year for me but you just described my situation. I'm getting a dim glow of light at the end of the tunnel. When out of the tunnel the air is going to be so sweet I can already taste it.

[@MuzzyWuzzy]

Same boat, seven months in and he's dragging out divorce process.

[@karenzupanic718]

You will win, ladies.

[@DELERY2.0]

WE HAVE ALREADY WON. I just recently glimpse while in prayer... This is actually a big step in our maturation. Dad tell you do NOT go near the stray dog. Not because it's stray. But because it has diseases and is always there to bite & maul, also takes huge bites. It's literally there to FIGHT. Stomp every sand castle. Sling mud on every nice shirt, knock food tables over. It wants everybody frazzled. It wants ppl to have heart attacks from trying to be heard saying something. No verbal warning will suffice. GOD KNOWS somebody, if not all of us, would be secretly feeding, wanting to help, trying to pet the "it's not a doggie" Monster. We'd be loving it with our true, devoted, forgiving, understanding, healing Love that comes stock in our ingredients. We came from the perfect environment. We're just TOO SOFT. Didn't even imagine them. The process was like lifting weights all summer. We didn't need to be smarter or stronger per sé.. we needed to be AWARE. It also made us KNOW ourselves. It is NOT our battle! Dad's watching. There are reasons he said keep eyes on Him. Stay close. And don't be afraid. Now we can SEE them before they're dug under the fence! Now we spot them an earshot away. They're going to stop coming round all together. BECAUSE WE STOP FEEDING THEM. Scavenger just eats from henhouses. Well not here. Not anymore! The dark force will die off or migrate. I've watched myself and everyone evolve incredibly. The yard will be safe to play in again. And doggie doo himself has been stewing with the rabies and syphilis host . For eternity- with keen Spidey sense installed, every new case of -->"whats that smell!!!?" Will be snuffed before any one-cell divides. It's like 'that one summer we volunteered at the pound.'. Please don't cry while you're lifting weights. : ) Guys - this has been a boy scout summer. We don't have to be afraid. Cuz we don't live HERE!!! This is camp.

[@Alex_Khan]

Thank you so much Ross. You perfectly describe what just happened to me in my relationship. Was with a woman who has BPD, her mother has BPD and after the limerance period, it played out exactly like this.

[@marvinpercival4717]

Lol i doubt that.

[@Alex_Khan]

why @@marvinpercival4717

[@andyqsk]

Thanks for this video Ross. “Sociopath or pathological narcissist” is something I struggled to figure out in my own situation. I do have the book but your videos are an invaluable and enlightening resource as well.

[@sugarandspice2136]

My mom has done this my whole life. Just the other day, she told me that the reason she told me that I didn’t have to pay her back for a down payment she helped me with years ago. Throughout the years, I kept asking her how I can pay her back (payment method) and she repeatedly told me that I was good & to not to worry about it. I kept asking ‘are you sure?’ She would say yes every time. Well, when her & I got into it with an issue that had nothing to do with money, she threw it back in my face that she helped me every single time. Then to get back on speaking terms, she told me I didn’t have to pay it back (again) so that I could stop being upset with her…but then recently revealed she was serious about me paying her back deep down but only said that so that I could stop being mad due to her saying some fcked I stuff. Crazy!! When you’re on good terms with her, you’re good. When you butt heads, she will throw it back in your face to make you feel bad for control. This is why I have extreme trust issues with others. She is so deceptive and manipulative.

[@margaretwebb389]

I hear you loud and clear! It’s extremely frustrating to endure conditional gifts/help that comes with a price

[@jeniferdunn4670]

Just her pay her back and then all is good.

[@annberlin5811]

Just pay it back

[@11chancer]

Just pay it back.

[@ChristinaFromYoutube]

You need to pay her back. Do not let that imbalance of power remain.

[@I.M.SofaKingdom]

If they are so afraid of abandonment, why do they become so impossible to live with you have no choice but to leave them?

[@nicolewaters2581]

I disagree…pathological narcissists and self-love deficit people both come from traumatic childhoods. I know empaths who had worse childhoods than narcs, and still chose not to abuse, manipulate, and lie. I have a fundamental problem with the claim that people become narcissists solely based on their childhood. If this were true, ALL people with traumatic childhoods would be narcissists when they’re not. ROSS: I love your work, Ross. I’ve purchased some of your online courses and have noticed a shift in my mindset toward becoming more whole. You provide invaluable clarity amongst the chaos. I look forward to reading your books. You offer a pragmatic approach that resonates with me-helping to feel in the gaps of my childhood that negatively impacted me. I’d like to better understand your take on why you think childhood trauma creates narcissists when I know empaths who aren’t. Perhaps it’s environment and gene related. I’m sure you address this further in your material but welcome clarification in your video. Thanks again for all you do to bring awareness and foster healing.

[@Mamajonaful]

Exactly! Its a choice. Plus some narcs were just pampered as children.

[@veebliss1266]

Very true ! 🎉 genetic , childhood and choice to grow up but narcissism soothes them and benefits them

[@bereal6590]

It is a mix of genetics, personality and upbringing imo

[@Trisof88]

​@@KevinStewart-y2t Definitely is a spiritual disease that goes beyond psychological assessment

[@nicolewaters2581]

@@bereal6590 and environment, but ultimately it’s a choice how one handles abuse.

[@Castlesintheskye]

This resonates ~ Love your videos!🙏 I am a targeted mom severely alienated from my 23 year old son for nearly 6 years. 💔Hidden in this heartbreak is a gift. Moving through this takes so much courage ! The manipulation, malevolence and the calculated efforts to control the narrative is mind blowing. Distorting reality for the outcome wanted most….to hurt me. The indoctrination and coercion is off the charts. BRAINWASHED ! Im heartbroken for my son. It took me a lifetime to see that my authenticity/frequency illuminated shadows of those around me who were smothered in their own fear - uncovering parts of themselves that have been repressed - sparking a lot of projection…. Ugh ~ thankful for your sharing truth about this. Thankfully I don’t absorb the shame/projection any longer & found the courage to believe I was worthy to receive peace. But I’ve got to reach my son somehow.🙏 To those out there who may be targeted in some way …let’s save every stone thrown our way …& build our castles (highest self) 👑🏰

[@scottoz7891]

Manipulation AND Conditioning without even realizing it sometimes 😮😢..

[@Castlesintheskye]

@@scottoz7891 Yes! we can have all the ‘knowledge enlightenment’ & think we are healed but if it doesn’t come with an equal amount of self awareness, unlearning negative core beliefs and deprogramming/de-conditioning it will only lead to more suffering. I am convinced we are facing this in order to aid in the expansion of our consciousness. Discovering parts of ourselves underneath all those layers of restraints, old patterns and conditioning. Powerful changes can occur when we learn to listen to our own inner voice. Hell, for years, I didn’t even know I had an inner voice…. 😳 But we are on a golden path of healing. Our setbacks may have amused them, but our COMEBACK is here & will confuse them ! 🏰👑

[@milliesecond102]

You just described how I feel! I have only one child, and I stayed in my marriage to protect him from being taken away bt my X and his parents, whom I didn't realize are all covert narcissists. Unfortunately, my son (20 years old) was slowly being poisoned against me and is alienating me from his life. I pray for him daily and have regrets looking back with what I now know about who I married and that I should not have had a child with. It's hard to find peace while my only child is spiritually lost because I did not protect him from my in-laws and X. But I'm not going to stop praying for a miracle.❤🙏❤

[@Castlesintheskye]

@@milliesecond102 I am so sorry to hear this. They don’t make hallmark cards for targeted parents do they? Weaponizing our beautiful sweet children to inflict severe emotional suffering on us is pure evil. And so painful to know our kids are hurting and being conditioned in shared persecutory delusions about us. And knowing they are internalizing the shame - ugh! I created my blog- Castles in the Skye - (I really only write for my own healing but hoping I can transmute these lessons into service to others) The latest blog post is all about healing our inner child - “The Keys to your Castle”. 🐉👑🏰

[@Castlesintheskye]

@@milliesecond102I’m so sorry 🙏

[@MorganP-i4i]

Best description of Narcissist vs codependent relationship.

[@NarcBoxTheory]

Simply the best description I’ve ever heard!

[@HelenLange-up1pz]

I really appreciate your teachings. So grateful I don’t need a car - especially not one that already cost much more than it was worth.

[@mama2hud]

Thanks for the topic. I had a "cloudburst cry" of relief. Felt good to be described so well to myself. Now that I know that my boundless enthusiasm and focus are a target, I'm prepared for this type in biz and life. These videos are good check-ins. Thanks. Subscribed. p.s. I think this might be my first YT comment.

[@RossRosenberg]

You are very welcome. Thank you for subscribing!

[@cynicalafflictional1725]

Always act with kindness but do not expect gratitude. 😅

[@KaarinaKimdaly]

Thank you, Ross Rosenberg. Congratulations on finishing your new book. It sounds fascinating and well worth reading when it becomes available.

[@anitavirginillo]

Bait & switch is the perfect analogy!

[@doranvee5944]

So much to unpack about both my wife and I. But you are one of the few on You Tube that I think can help us.

[@RossRosenberg]

Come and join my treatment program. Here is the link: www.selfloverecovery.com/pages/self-love-recovery-treatment

[@RS-ms1bz]

I think years ago there was a term for a female covert narcissist before narcissism was even understood . And I’m lucky to have figured her out before she claimed another victim, as I’m sure her toxicity played a hand in her first husband’s heart attack and death at 37 years old. The phrase I’m referring to is Black Widow.

[@through.a.barrel.she.breathes]

The term bait and switch describes our relationship perfectly.

[@mike-ology22]

This is so funny, I told my friend this the other day. I realised that in a relationship we always say our other half. Like we are halves only making one. But if we are complete, we will have 2 people rather than 1. My observations are good then :) Great video and thanks for sharing. I've also invented a new term called single mother syndrome where you can get with a woman with 1 child but if they have 2 or more you will struggle to make the family your own and you will become more of a plus one than being able to be the head of the relationship. That is my experience with being in a relationship with 2 narcissists. The latest one is studying to be a counsellor and has used her skills to psychologically try to destroy me. It nearly worked, I got out just in time. Well, I wrote to her board of directors and explained everything to them, we have to do something. Going face to face with a narcissist and calling them out is the right thing to do. We have to have some remedy for their psychotic manipulation. It should be a crime to mess with people's heads.

[@ztebazile]

coercive control is actually on the docket to become criminalized in Canada, Bill C-202. mentioning it in front of a judge helped me win a custody case 👐

[@mike-ology22]

@elizabeth.1989. that is amazing, thanks for sharing. We need that in England too and now I know what it's called in Canada I can research it. I love the Canadians

[@mountain10]

Yes! Laws need to be changed!!!!!

[@gingerkitten7587]

Sometimes you are a healthy person who is forced into a relationship with a NPD/BPD person because they are a family member. There is nothing worse than not being able to get away from them because they are family. Even when you go no-contact and put-up strong boundaries, the NPD/BPD massively screws up their lives and everyone around them comes to you to fix it or help them because you are the only family member who has any resources. They make you feel obligated because who else is going to help this miserable individual? My family member could easily become homeless because they are so miserable, no one else will take them in and they can't or won't get a job for all the same reasons. It is hard to be the one who has to say they are on their own path because people guilt you and say, "how can you turn your back on family?" I wasn't tricked into this, I was born into it, and it seems almost impossible to escape.

[@l.5832]

Many who marry in to narcissism was initially born in to it. You don't know what 'normal' is and you do know that there is something wrong but until recently, narcissism was not talked about. Also narcissism expresses itself in different was (vulnerable, grandiose, etc). So you are sort of primed for one of these relationships and I just wish people would STOP blaming the victim and accusing them of 'not loving themselves' etc. They've never been shown love. Your not going to know a language the was never spoken in the home...

[@elizabethfindlay5752]

Our body keeps the score

[@jennifergraham5615]

I’ll have to come back and listen to the rest. Really helpful so far and will write notes on it.

[@arianasha]

Very precisely spoken, said and explained here Ross.. thank you very much!

[@anonymouscm7270]

Dr. Rosenberg many thanks for what you are doing for us all, wish you and your team a Happy and Healthy New Year🙏🌷🕊💝🤗🌠

[@carolineh.9160]

Congratulations on completing your new book 🎉💕✨and thank you so much for your valuable insights 😊.

[@RossRosenberg]

You are so welcome!

[@southernbelle6564]

I loved your video. I have been wondering why I have fallen into two long term relationships with narcissists, one the sociopath, the other pathological. I understand that there is something about me that has caused these relationships to last a whole lot longer than their expiration dates. I beat myself up wondering why I didn’t recognize it and respect myself enough to leave when my body and mind were telling me to RUN, RIGHT NOW, AND NEVER LOOK BACK. I’m sad that I wasted my precious life with these “shell people” they aren’t really people at all, they just look like people.

[@jean-pierrep6844]

Spot on. I love this explanation. Can be applied to so many relationships in my past.

[@commonsensebeliever6723]

Well said! I am new to your broadcasts and really loved your analogies to bring clarity!

[@mariehopkinson5581]

Bull crap. The narcissist absolutely knows what they are doing

[@Anna_mansarda]

Agree, moreover is, they enjoy it

[@CharlesBukowski-m1o]

They not only enjoy it, if you know them long enough, they'll actually BRAG about how SHITTY they treat other people. (The ultimate sign to know to RUN LIKE YOUR ASS IS FIRE!)​

[@CharlesBukowski-m1o]

Thanks for destroying the MYTH that narcissists suffer "from a poorest WITTLE childhood EVER!" (When in reality, nothing could ever be further from the truth!) I've seen others with way worse childhoods be the kindest/coolest/SEXIEST people I ever met!

[@katrinabrown3561]

@@CharlesBukowski-m1oyup, my sister actually says that I get intimidated by her in a braggy way. I shouldn’t have seen that as a red flag a lot sooner

[@CharlesBukowski-m1o]

@@katrinabrown3561 She would predictably scream back, "You can't handle the 'TWUTH'.."with a straight face..AS IF she's the "adult" in the room

[@tschinzel]

Wow!!! This is spot on… SLD.. self love deficiency

[@cathygutleber1423]

Best analogy I have ever heard!

[@JiJilliani]

after I was finally free and years later I realized he wasn't what he told me he was,,,,,He was selling me a " product" that he wasn't. What a fraud.

[@kellieantoinette4183]

Ross, this is such a wonderful commentary! You said that it was rare for this concept to be applied to the narcissistic experience. However, it just so happens that I did draw the connection and I actually told my ex-narcissistic boyfriend that he had committed "bait and switch tactics," lol!

[@gorillamax4872]

I really appreciate you and your work Ross

[@l.5832]

I kind of did a bait and switch on a used car salesman! I took a red sports car on a test drive as well as a couple of others but clearly favoured the red one. Told him Id be back the next day. When I returned he had all this paperwork done up for this red sports car, his 'best price', trade-in value, etc. I said I had decided on the green Mazda instead! You should have seen his face! All his paperwork, useless, so I got a good deal on the Mazda just to get rid of me. (PS. I'm not a narcissist...just an indecisive car buyer!)

[@clincpb8903]

Recently, one of my flatmate who I notice is resentful and very self-centred, stole one of my clothes and also one of my perfumes. She expected me to confront her so she could spread to other people that I accused her wrongly and play the victim. But I said nothing. However she understood that I know what she did and now she feels afraid that I retaliate.😆🤣😝😝

[@stepheniedomingo9089]

Same thing happened to me recently. My elderly neighbor in my apartment building who I accused of giving me the covid (who I became friends with for years but now cut the ties) stole my laundry card and a container of liquid soap I left at the laundry room as retaliation towards me. Now I realized everytime we get close someone gets hurt and I felt like I was always being betrayed so I ended the friendship bec it's no longer a safe place for me😢

[@ChristinaFromYoutube]

Its wild how scared and paranoid they get when you don't react like they expected.

[@andreaveira1637]

Wow. Thank you.

[@Truth-matters-v2z]

What about a person who checks off a lot of the boxes to be a pathological narcissist but never could say the words I love you.

[@mscraig5147]

I have to say, in my first hand, personal life experience with multiple pathological narcissists, I can see a genetic component at play. There is something biological happening with this. Spiritual too, I would say. Otherwise, they could recover over time. They can't. It's biological as well. I've witnessed this truth.

[@hippiecowgirl4231]

I've come to the same conclusion. I think it's a missing element that makes us a human being . They may be humans but lack humanity. Maybe it's chemical . It's definitely spiritual. That have no soul

[@jbutterfly4276]

From the article 'The hippocampus is essential for learning, and the development of memories and the amygdala is where emotions like fear, guilt, envy, and shame are born. Overstimulation by an abusive parent(s) of these vital areas in the brain leaves the child with a shrunken hippocampus and amygdala. Because these regions are smaller than average, the child will grow into adulthood with a sincere lack of the ability to handle their own emotions, especially those of shame and guilt'

[@jbutterfly4276]

Biological doesn't necessarily mean genetic. Abuse, neglect and trauma affect the development of the brain. So maybe some people can't recover. But I'm hoping if someone is less 'damaged' they could?

[@mscraig5147]

@@jbutterfly4276 It's a lie. 😉

[@mscraig5147]

@@jbutterfly4276 There is much more to this then "psychology" and "psychiatry" courses teach. In my experience, it appears spiritual. Also, everyone has childhood trauma to work thru. EVERYONE. Making everyone feel like poor victims of their home and family life is an intentional act of psychological warfare against the public, to tear down the family and home, so communism can reign. I've recovered from childhood abuse and also clinical PTSD from domestic violence that nearly killed me for years, that modern therapy deems "permanent". It's not true. It's literally a lie.

[@IngaCombs]

Thank you Ross Rosenberg for teaching us.

[@RossRosenberg]

You are very welcome.

[@ElvinLeadfoot]

We are open source talking about SLD. Dr. Ross Sir:) Letting people know they can become SLA!

[@heidijoseph7305]

Wow. This info has clearly opened my eyes to the confusion about the inconsistent behaviors in my last relationship. Thank you!

[@jeankeats3200]

Yeah, well to make a long story short.....sorry guy.........I was married for five years got divorced. Found him cheating. Okay.....got in another bad relationship....dumped him AND he was a millionaire. Fast forward got married again and want to get out. Moral of story.....I found living alone was best. Empty space can NOT hurt you.

[@steveshea6148]

Sort of. But being alone takes its own toll over time. Sadly, staying alone can be the safest option for some people, even if not the the theoretically optimal option.

[@gabrielleaumont3971]

Interesting and helpful talk. Thanks, Doctor!

[@RossRosenberg]

Glad you liked it!

[@northshorelight35]

I thought bait and switch would be more like telling you that the car is in your price range but then start adding fees.

[@joannecohen6764]

Thanks for this excellent video

[@RossRosenberg]

Glad you liked it!

[@Spitfireseven]

PRETTY GOOD DUDE!! This was covered in a more comfortable fashion than the way most videos here are covered. Those that have experienced this crap first hand usually have an edge in their voice that denotes they know what this syndrome is from a personal point of view. They went through it. The pertinence of the subject matter holds your attention. Parents are people that stick indellibly in your mind. Hitler's dad used to take him out behind the shed and beat him for twenty minutes. What can I say.

[@DJKier-v9s]

Good luck with that!! Thanks for the info!

[@g4jmx3z]

They are a sorry bunch. Pathetic really. I experience extremely trauma of different types, yet I'm not one of them. I see right through them.

[@danampolizzi7489]

This was the most informative information about narcissistic I’ll come across so for. Ty for sharing ❤️❤️❤️

[@lindsay5305]

Good talk. Thank you Ross

[@metavio7]

Ross thank you so MUCH

[@sylvieseland9108]

May I ask you a question Ross(?) And thanks for al of your works

[@chilloften]

They do leave, emotionally, as soon as the devaluation begins.

[@sayusayme7729]

Looking forward to your new book. Love your podcasts with Teri Cole. Thank you for all your work 🇨🇦⚖️🕊️

[@RossRosenberg]

You are so welcome!

[@beckymichel1845]

I'm not gonna lie… my head is spinning a little. I can't figure out how my relationship has worked/not worked for 32 years…. I have left a few times, filed for divorce for the final time (3). I have never viewed myself as SLD but I am working thru my childhood trauma finally at 60. The estrangement from my toxic family system forced me to take a good hard look at my marriage and all of the abuse there as well. I think I will need to listen to this book.

[@RossRosenberg]

While waiting for the new one, you can listen to my last one. Please get it here: www.selfloverecovery.com/collections/human-magnet-syndrome-books

[@ginkgo2021]

In my relationship I feel my partner was at first a pathological vulnerable narcissist who, after a couple of decades, morphed into a sociopathic narcissist. I do feel I had / have self love deficit disorder dating back to my childhood. And I, depending on the situation, would have placed my SLD responses to my partner’s narcissistic actions in different SLD categories. The relationship is now over, so I’m trying to understand my personality and how I can check myself so as to never waste time with a narcissist in the future.

[@claudiasbarra1882]

Thank you Ross. Would be interesting to know if an SLD could become a BPD after decades of abuse?

[@darthvader78441]

I wish you'd do more videos regarding BPD

[@markjayw666]

Finally I understand what BPD is, such a great explanation. Sociopaths also are very much willing to destroy in order to get what they want. How do you differentiate between ASPD and BPD? Can someone have both?

[@RossRosenberg]

This can help you have a better understanding: www.selfloverecovery.com/pages/the-fifty-shades-of-pathological-narcissism-3-video-set

[@Littlefighter1911]

13:35 This is exactly why I'm not sure if I'm a narcissist or just SLDD. Like, aren't they made out of the "same", just with one abusing that for manipulation?

[@deebrown1688]

I have a sister is a narcissist my God she's the worse imma empath so i can't deal with her at all

[@anne-marie6098]

Same

[@katrinabrown3561]

Same!

[@shalenb3321]

This helped so much! Thank you

[@RossRosenberg]

You're so welcome!

[@mac-ju5ot]

Christmas was not fun for me. I think I'd rather have had a root canal.Traveling back to my mother's home that she use to treasure...well let's just say that they don't want to connect to me. I left had enough as I could take.I spent hours getting things for this party......I'm exhausted.I did my very best to be kind .Next year I'm staying home

[@Littlefighter1911]

14:50 How common is that in children? I've heard most people talk about that starting in adulthood. But I'm very VERY sure, I've seen that in a child once.

[@Cheryl-t6k]

You are so Precious

[@kerimorgan6665]

Wow, this explains a lot.

[@cowpoke02]

Makes me wonder if I'm borderline or just kid trauma from years fear and blocking? Educate kids in positive envirment. The answer.

[@RPMentorTokyoChannel]

“The husband, for his part, feels like the victim of a “bait and switch” sales tactic. One wonders what would become of the human race if women told their boyfriends flat out: “you must marry me so I can stop pretending to love you as you are, and start complaining about all the ways you disappoint me.” -F. Roger Devlin

[@hannahkinnear7701]

How funny 😁 The latest psychological stat is that 20 to 30% of women are narcissistic and 70 to 80% of men are narcissistic. Knowing that statistic, it's easy to see why most women wind up disappointed

[@seaglass8940]

Heavy, but good to hear.

[@Geej9519]

Took me a waste of a life time to learn alll this .. was surrounded by many family member as a child with all these ailments and ended up with a long time friend who took me for a ride too … sigh Did learn in real time what sincerity and honesty ‘s value IS though and am proud to be one inspite of all of the above .

[@atinathenice1]

Can one person suffer all three disorders you talk about and switch between them?

[@Honeypepper.]

Does this thing about limerence apply to *emotional relationships* between the sld and the pathological narcissist?

[@RossRosenberg]

This can help you have a better understanding: www.selfloverecovery.com/pages/the-fifty-shades-of-pathological-narcissism-3-video-set

[@triple999fruitful]

Thank you.

[@mienmiennn]

Thank you

[@bv459]

Brilliant!