Bill Engvall Comedy: Married Bathroom Etiquette

Bill Engvall: Remember that first year of marriage if you had to go to the bathroom? Oh dear lord, shut the door, lock it, turn the faucets on, turn the shower on 'cause god forbid they knew you were goin' poop. Now, 21 years later, that bathroom door is wide open, you're screaming "Bring the camera. It's alive!"
From: "Here's Your Sign" Bill Engvall stand up comedy special, 1996
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About Bill Engvall
Comedian Bill Engvall was part of the enormously successful Blue Collar Comedy Tour and has starred in a number of films, TV shows and sitcoms, including Blue Collar TV, Comedy Central, A Pair of Jokers, Evening at the Improv , The Jeff Foxworthy Show, The Tonight Show and the Late Show with David Letterman. Some of Engvall's specials and albums include:
- Just Sell Him For Parts (2016)
- Them Idiots Whirled Tour (2012)
- Aged and Confused (2009)
- 15° Off Cool (2007)
- Dorkfish (1998)
- Here’s Your Sign (1996)
Engvall's work has earned his numerous awards, including American Comedy Award for “Best Male Stand-up Comedian," #1 position on the Billboard Comedy Chart for Here's Your Sign, “Best Selling Comedy album," and a Grammy Award nomination for Blue Collar Comedy Tour: One For The Road.
#BillEngvall
Bill Engvall Comedy
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[@kaitlynj.7389]

"You women go pee it looks like your waitin on a bus!" 😂😂😂😂 so true!

[@oldiesgeek454]

On the other hand, I've never seen a woman on a park bench with her pants around her ankles.

[@daveywaves5325]

I close the door, I only want a little privacy!

[@lindeeabernathy790]

Bill. Ur so funny. I listen to u alot. Brings me out of my sadness

[@markorollo.]

I think it looks like the girl at prom sitting on the side waiting for someone to ask her to dance.

[@tommydavis7235]

😢😢😢 1:47 2:04 😢😢😢😢😢😮😢😢😮😢😢😢😮thvggtgggbvbbbvvbb ​@@lindeeabernathy790

[@MikeBrown-ex9nh]

I do my bathroom business and get out. My wife takes a glass of water and her iPad and stays so long I'm surprised her legs don't fall asleep.

[@MatrixDownload5150]

I go in and take forever because it’s the only place that I can be alone! He goes in and he’s in for so long we have serious worries about him! My theory is that actually he’s traveling to another dimension and will be back at the smell of bacon 🥓!

[@daddydunbar4777]

My ex wife putting on makeup to took so long I lit a lady finger next to the bathroom when it went off she was scared her shitless me I laughed.

[@daddydunbar4777]

@@MatrixDownload5150 the power of bacon sooths us all. Lol

[@zzzroxyzzz]

My husband's legs do fall asleep. I've had to hoist him up once or twice lol

[@johnsegertsons2143]

Man, I sat reading a book (peace and quiet) I was in there so long my girlfriend banged on the door "Did you have a heart attack or something ? Gunt if you need me to call 911"

[@renacraft7001]

I am sore from laughing so hard... I needed this so much! You are AWESOME!!! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ God bless...

[@johnsegertsons2143]

Bill forgot the most important rule of bathroom etiquette. From day#1 put the seat down,! Hearing a giant "splash" followed by swear crying , while friggin hysterical, is very bad 😂😂😂

[@xcarolynx2002]

There are men that use the bathroom at my local veterans meeting place and it drives me nuts as a woman going in there after one of them and the seat is up.

[@rosehathaway3490]

My husband solved that issue got a toilet seat that lowered itself !

[@xcarolynx2002]

If only that were possible for the veterans hall I volunteer at

[@saragrant9749]

Omg the mental image you paint 🤣🤣🤣

[@gatorbyte5254]

“Bring the camera!” ⬅️ that doesn’t take twenty years, it’s more like two

[@MinDRC1992PAW]

Took us 5 and for her to fall back in love

[@gatorbyte5254]

Domnick Carter my husband has no shame and I have four brothers so normal bodily functions don’t offend me as they would other women

[@DarkRaiish]

Took about 1...

[@enmiles22]

Yep, took us one year lol 😂

[@rickyparrish8310]

Bill is a hilarious comedian i love his here's your sign a lot of them are so true just like the guy who grabbed the hot exhaust pipe

[@trentbucich7568]

I've always liked bill engvall real funny his stories and the sarcasm with here's your sign

[@mr.wizard2974]

Me too Trent!

[@bufficliff8978]

Damn, he worked so hard for those laughs and people were DYING. E & W E E D E A T E R Is all we need now to be rolling

[@genesnyder2985]

This shit wouldn’t be so funny if it wasn’t so true

[@CharlieBrn]

Hell I envy him at least his wife has a sense of humour

[@curtisc6768]

And because of snowflakes this isn't allowed today

[@aaura8805]

Curtis C .... You absolutely nailed that to the wall!!!

[@zekesteed4185]

“Get the camera…. It’s alive!”

[@roseprevost8081]

Got tickets to see him on his farewell tour. Can't wait!

[@jenniferv618]

My husband said his gut would kill him waiting for me to go somewhere or leave for work 🤣 I found out like 9 years in..

[@ernestwegner4960]

The Best of the Best, always!

[@SLOTHSRIDEUNICORNS]

"Get a Gameboy or something." Now we have *phones*

[@jonmusicia2595]

the best part of this is the guy in the front row just LOSIN IT! too bad I couldn't see his face cause he sounded like he was having the time of his life!

[@crystalfranklin3608]

I always thought Bill was a very handsome man.

[@rochellethundercloud346]

Same

[@Dan-sb2fb]

the facial hair really works for his face

[@loriwallace2590]

Write it in your diary

[@PeteUnsigned]

Uncle Crystal? Is that you?

[@jennifercoleman5195]

Same

[@kenilmonpara6320]

Relatable comedy in its prime

[@cudaluver9497]

Come on Bill come back to TEXAS where you belong, Abandon California like everyone else!! We love ya!!

[@Earache702]

He’s got too much brains!

[@cookiehall1022]

Come on don't do California like that wuddnt you think they CUD NEEED A laugh or two???? geeez louise!

[@jonathanadkins6425]

@@cookiehall1022 though if I was famous I would not want to go near California kind of like I already do but California used to be good and the place you thought of when you thought of America

[@goodbyecalifornia3567]

California isn’t what it used to be. I left for Hawaii, similar policies, but less people and more beauty.

[@kimberleeroberts9873]

My ex husband did the weirdest thing when we were first married. He would get up before me, go to the bathroom, take the toilet paper off the holder, and carry it off somewhere in the house. Not that we had a huge house but it would have to be like, “Where is the toilet paper?” “It’s in the game room. I was in there earlier.” “Why on Earth would you take it in there?”

[@barbara-ty4gh]

Love Bill!!!! ❤❤ hes hilarious!!!

[@sanstar2007]

Omg hysterical!!!!

[@Brievel]

Yeah, but you know something? True love is when one of you has food poisoning, and the other one _comes and helps._ All week.

[@cherylmchugh-hall-3778]

I love the part when bill was talking about poop lol. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@iliesko]

you're so pretty :p

[@stephanieevans3985]

52 years old... Still PRIVATE!!!! Something's just need to private😬

[@hlengiwezungu8152]

Agreed

[@brunetteone4082]

Hate to break it to ya but hes a comedian, it's likely not his actual family hes talking about. It's a fictional story, ya know, like movies ?!

[@kathyelliott6051]

76 yrs old sorry I need my private in the bath room ! 🤔

[@lovingenglishmastiffs7165]

After Many Many Years of Marriage- DOORS ARE ALWAYS SHUT ! ITS A MATTER OF RESPECT TOWARDS EACH OTHER AND ONE'S SELF!! Just Sayin

[@ZMadtrapper]

Sad to hear yer retirin Rev !! We ALL get there sooner er later !! I GUESS yer gonna need a new sign EH "RETIRED". THANKS FER THE LAUGHS EH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@kaii231]

That's one of life's mysteries. Why keep the door open? Close the damn door.

[@wellspringoaks1900]

Poop jokes are always funny. I don’t care who you are.

[@mc12358]

One of the few things in life that everyone can relate to (hopefully) 😄

[@ArcFallOrder1919]

"Bring the CAMERA IT'S ALIVE !" Lol

[@C13TU5]

Bring the camera!!!

[@emperorgluteusmaximus7069]

When your turd slaps the back of your nut sac after bottoming out!!!

[@C13TU5]

God forbid you're goin poop.

[@claytonhess5512]

Oh my GOD! Did you hit a deer!?

[@vickiefagan7106]

Yes He is Thank you God

[@darenholzinger4587]

Think of this next time you’re on a bus and see a lady sitting across from you

[@drw5252]

Listen to the people in the audience laughing 😆😆😆😆😆😆

[@cierakitty]

My first marriage.....went to do laundry...there were none of his underwear in it. Asked him..."I threw them away..but I bought more." he told me. "Why ?" I asked. "You remember the mexican food place.....let's just say...my butt sure does".

[@dergluckliche4973]

Husband has his own room and bathroom, I have my own room and bathroom.

[@Netherwolf6100]

Wait... so.... when you wanna have fun... do you have to knock on each other's doors for permission? Is it like.... a sleepover? Do you make a fort of pillows and sprawl on the floor?

[@dergluckliche4973]

@@Netherwolf6100 It's like a sleepover. If doors are closed, we knock and if they're open it's "Are you busy?" We know when not to disturb each other, too.

[@vh6307]

I can tell from here... you've been married a loooong time!! That's a great tip to keep it spicy, huh?!😉🤭

[@zaspermonarch6144]

Hilarious

[@aimeetahon6744]

That invioonal wall can kill

[@carlasuannelockett1694]

Hi there from Oklahoma

[@elizabethengler1301]

That invisible wall! Lmao 🤣😂🤣😂🤣💩💩

[@aprildannettegosa5381]

I know what he means about that invisible wall LOL I know someone like that with farts LOL

[@mr.wizard2974]

Me too. His name is Phillip Jones and he worked at Mobiloil refinery in Beaumont, Texas until he transferred to Houston Power and Light

[@elfriedefarnady-mayerhofer2742]

all my life I had some rules,if I.m in the bathroom ,nobody has to walk in....and when my husband is in the bathroom ,I never would walk in either….it calls privacy…..put I know this is Comedy and he is very funny

[@dianeovercash6739]

Separate bathrooms is the answer.

[@wlkbeastmode-issiap.346]

So funny

[@elainejohnson6955]

The only person I ever heard of getting arrested for public urination was Ozzy Osbourne. He got wasted drunk in San Antonio, Texas and peed on a building. He says he had no idea it was The Alamo until the cops told him. Oops!

[@stevenporter6445]

Now I know why she took a book

[@jmda58]

😆😅😂🤣

[@warlord5295]

I just bring my phone with me drop one then I'm out but not gonna lie when I'm in need of a break I just pretend I'm dropping a humongous turd and it's way more convincing especially since I eat alot of protein and carbs one guy even came in and asked hey buddy you ok in there.

[@aliciamejia9933]

🤣🤣🤣👍👍👍

[@nancyjohnson5810]

I'll tell ya one thing the only reason were still married is because we have separate bathrooms!

[@jmda58]

😅😂🤣

[@stephaniemiksell419]

In our marriage it’s backwards. When we started 30 years ago the door was open. I’m brushing my teeth and he’s peeing. Now it’s like close the door! Or go to the other bathroom. But our dogs love to slam open the door and walk away. Not my fault marriage is weird 😒

[@paulgoodrich9926]

Awsome bill

[@toosweet6046]

Stole this joke from Freddie Prinze...

[@JOS4015]

Funny man but disrespectful language is totally unnecessary.

[@archangeloflight2799]

JOS4015 ? Here’s your sign....

[@selfan4evr]

"Disrespectful" language? What part was that?

[@lesliemeller9097]

If you re looking to be offended, then you will find a way.

[@happyhoney3433]

What was disrespectful?

[@amyclements2511]

@@selfan4evr when he said Christ. That's using the Lord's name in vain. Not good!

[@charleypatterson9956]

*Oh my God!! Did you hit a deer?!* Funniest line ever.

[@nakedsnake6076]

Didn't get that joke not american would u mind explaining it

[@claytonhess5512]

@@nakedsnake6076 Fart stains and smell so intense she thought he crapped himself.

[@bakedutah8411]

Clayton Hess, another non-American here. I still don’t get it. Why the deer?

[@bakedutah8411]

Clayton Hess, I hit a deer once - well, she hit me; OK, we hit each other! It was a glancing blow though, so my car was scuffed but fine. Can’t imagine she fared as well. As to my username: I’m Tibetan heritage, and a chef. And I specialize in BBQ of a particular animal commonly associated with my ancient homeland. There; if you can fit that together into an explanation you’re way smarter than the average KZbinr! 😉

[@jusnuts1443]

No, but I shot a couple of 'em! That's just the Italian sub I had for lunch, baby.

[@34Packardphaeton]

In Johnny Cash's last interview, the interviewer mentions Johnny's long marriage with his wife, and asks Johnny's secret. Johnny deadpans, "Separate bathrooms".

[@marciaolson5708]

This man is crazy and I love it!!!! Bill, you are the best!!!!

[@cherylablagden8602]

He is so hilarious and fantastic good clean humour with out all the cursing. Love him

[@selfan4evr]

It's actually harder to be really funny working clean, as far as I'm concerned. Anyone can spew curse words , but it takes someone who's really comedically creative to be funny without resorting to that . "Dorkfish" is one of my favorite routines by Bill.

[@claytonhess5512]

@@selfan4evr "Hey man, what the heck kind of fish is that!?" 🤣😂🤣😊

[@roberthamilton9123]

I ❤️ bill he’s my favorite 😀😀

[@bidensucsbigdickskalmadrin6877]

fuck yeah

[@martharisingrosson7926]

Discovering Bill kept me laughing so hard that I somehow missed the best thing about him--staying real & hilarious without the crutch being lewd or profane. A surprising blessing these days!

[@mr.wizard2974]

Light a match Bill for that invisible wall! lol

[@danbytp]

"IT'S ALIVE!!!"Everytime I say that my wife gives me...THE LOOK!🤨

[@renekackline2377]

I have this DVD. So funny!! Bill is so hilarious 😂😂😂😂

[@sarahnail5478]

"Get a GameBoy..." oof! That's how you know this video is old 😂😂

[@daddydunbar4777]

Well, it depends on which gameboy your talking about, the original game from 1980 something to when the Nintendo 64 was mainly used and then after that was the gameboy color and so on and so on.

[@donnanewsham4742]

Still funny.

[@DivineLightPaladin]

@@daddydunbar4777 I mean it was changed to Nintendo DS after 2005 so at that point it's showing how dated that is 🤓

[@davidmizell940]

@@DivineLightPaladin So?

[@denisesalmon4496]

Im dying laughing

[@amandahibbs3690]

Heard this one so many times (since The blue collar tour when I was 10h still funny as hell

[@mischelleseigle812]

I don't care how many times I see the same routine, it still makes me want to wet my pants. I just love Bill.

[@christianheichel]

Gameboy lol That's dating this gig.

[@susanrhodes5681]

I worked with a very vibrant woman, who had a trashy mouth... She shared that when she was in her youth she was shy but known of us believed her. I asked her to prove it. She said she married young and was so embarrassed to use the bathroom, that she only did #2 when her husband wasn't home. She said the weekends were the worst and that she stopped eating because she didn't want to have an accident. She lost a lot of weight (she was thin in her 50's), she said she didn't weigh 90 pounds because of the weight loss! She said that now, she (in her 4th marriage), she left the door open and didn't care who saw her (which we all believed), she was quite descriptive, causing us all to laugh and me to cry from laughing so hard.

[@brucelove1426]

Even better, a guy will buy darker colored underware, to make the skid marks less noticeable!

[@juniorzablosky9608]

My dad buys colored underwear. Every once in a while I find the red pair and the Superman them goes through my head.

[@Beezlie727]

I know, right?

[@Beezlie727]

@@juniorzablosky9608 Brown stripe still shows up with red! Black & navy are your best bets!

[@juniorzablosky9608]

@@Beezlie727 he has a couple of those too, I prefer the classic tighty whities though

[@sheryldougherty282]

Love to watch his comedy specials.

[@MsBebegurl0212]

It's 2019. Everyone brings their phone and posts memes on FB while their on the toilet. Lol

[@billbeliakoff5589]

That's why I never ask "when did you post that ? " I don't want to hear, "oh, I posted that while I was on the toilet".

[@mc12358]

Or watching this video on YT 🙂

[@Kenneth2413]

It bothers me when people use the restroom with the door open and leave it open afterwards because I don't want to smell their waste and the smell lingers.

[@mellownessuperstar2618]

First year of being married? Lmao. I'm not married and I have found out that my lady is perfectly fine with the door not even being locked while pooing.. Let alone remember to turn on the vent fan.. Go in after without knowledge and I walk into a brick wall [that invisible wall] of stank. Hahahah

[@brandoninglin7566]

0:01-0:12 0:20-0:26 0:39-0:46 0:59-1:03 1:15 1:26-1:40 1:45-1:46 1:58 2:04-2:08 2:16-2:24 2:39-2:48 is my favorite part of the video I love bill engvall ‼️💯

[@marybetz1775]

So hilarious 😂 😂😂😂😂👏👏👏👏❤️❤️❤️

[@kenilmonpara6320]

Once my grandmother was pooping with the door open and my grandfather was in the room , so i went to him and as soon as i opened the door ,the smell hit me so godddamn hard i ran

[@bobwinters6459]

Truth never lies, "here's your sign"!

[@davidmays9799]

Was funny till he uses Christ as a swear word

[@redneckfishing3270]

Bill you’re a funny guy when I listen to Spotify I’ll listen to you when I’m listening to music and one music you’re talking about chickens but your wife is Tom and chickens and right when your first gets over with a song comes up fried chicken and it thinks that but I love your jokes and everything and keep up the good work you and Jeff Foxworthy are the two best comedians I like you do jokes including can’t forget the cable guy Larry the cable guy great guy

[@bellyisis]

In 20 yrs together my boyfriend & I still keep things sacred when it comes to the lav. Neither of us have even farted near each other at home or car

[@AB-vv7fl]

You mean you haven't even had any monster under the covers at night? Ghee!

[@amyatcher6397]

I was wanting to keep that facade going but one night I was really sick and it couldn’t be avoided...

[@bobbierobinson6269]

27yrs and he's farted in his sleep, I'm sure I have, but bathroom time is alone time. Some things shouldn't be shared! (Except the shower)

[@johnhoffay9081]

not normal

[@Chicken_Wing91]

As a guy who grew up with all sisters and no brothers one thing some women will do they will not admit but they know we know that would be going poop and not flushing the toilet after

[@Brievel]

Ah... hate to break it to you... guys do that too...

[@Chicken_Wing91]

@@Brievel ok

[@randomsucks2444]

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

[@joeyfarris7903]

This is very funny. I have this on DVD

[@rochellehayez2352]

Joey Farris me too

[@dogbarbill]

What's the title of the DVD? I need to see the entire show.

[@rochellehayez2352]

dogbarbil it's called here's your sign

[@teripacheco4086]

Hilarious!! Love you Bill!!

[@Wadecraig4707]

I am the bringer of chaos i am comment number 70

[@toniaevi5952]

Why haven't heared of this guy before? He is amazing.

[@2batgirl]

He's one of the "Blue Collar Comedy Tour" people. Heard of that? Four of them?

[@martykroenecke4273]

You must live under a rock!

[@alberteinstein9176]

Bathroom time isn't a social Experiment. I don't need an audience.

[@keithfay9328]

I've never said "bring the camera" however I will sometimes mutter "that one isn't going down without a fight"

[@TruckTaxiMoveIt]

Good, clean comedy

[@frostgfx]

The latest Naval carrier was built with NO URINALS!!!

[@TriMarkC]

Jon Frost Whaaaaaatttttt????

[@loodiamexican]

Still better comedy than SNL.

[@deelynn9932]

One hasn't really experienced the 'human condition' until one works in Mgmt. at some of the most well-known corporations, known to be as professional as..Hades, and yet, one has to take time out of their daily busy schedule to listen to co-workers complain about the 'hygiene' and bathroom habits of their fellow colleagues/co-workers while one has to keep a straight face and use dainty/diplomatic language. Both male/female. The familiar phrase of 'where were you raised?!' became the common thread in my mind as these discussions crept along...I wanted to assign these 'roses and tulips' a Primatologist as their Department heads.

[@bradleyholdom9677]

What the f**k is ScoMo doing in the audience?

[@Wellness_flow]

Lol

[@ezrabrooks12]

FUNNY STUFF!!!!

[@delmarrey9077]

Bathroom jokes is about all that’s left with the political atmosphere these days. Can’t joke about anything anymore without offending someone or being called racist.

[@stevenporter6445]

My mom took a trashy romance novel

[@clintgirodat9142]

Not the first week of marriage, maybe the first 6 months of dating. Who gets married instantly oh wait arranged marriages

[@donnajoseph-barford1076]

I been married 20 years and the bathroom door closed. We like our privacy.

[@gbm6882]

elaborate poop joke