Bite Size Series - Part 2 - Part 5/13 - 12 Needs

[@HeyCoachBarbara]

1. Pleasure (wants positive emotions) 2. Food and water (physical need) 3. Sex/procreation (relational and emotional needs) 4. Relationships, belonging (want a friend, want to fit in, connection, close friend) 5. Unconditional love (need to be loved, acceptance, respect, comfort, nurture, safe, emotional need) 6. Security/safety (feel protected) justice and consistent rules. Mom and dad are stable, they’re my rock. 7. Purpose (What’s my purpose in life? Why am I here? Finding a job that we enjoy. Volunteering. Valued. Something to offer the world. 8. Rest/relax (balance) 9. Drawn to Beauty (sense of pleasure) 10. Sense of Awe (wow experience) 11. Spiritual (feel the need to contact something outside of themselves) 12. Need to feel whole. Sense of completeness, satisfaction, contentment. *If one of these needs are not being met, there’s a lack of wholeness. Starts looking for tool to bring it wholeness.

[@michelewalton9358]

You have helped me gain a better understanding of how i work internally and how to work towards re-parenting myself. Thank you so much 😊

[@chilloften]

Wow, I have a need for a sense of awe. Thanks Tim, I love your work to help people heal.

[@CM7777...]

You can still thrive without most of these "needs". And even if you have even most of them, you can still be a mess. They are mostly wants.

[@yumaychang]

Thank you for the videos. It’s evident that your put a lot of thought into creating them, and I really appreciate it!

[@HabitatYakII]

I remember the moment I first tasted Nesquick chocolate syrup. I was 7 and I hadn't been exposed to much sugar because my mom was afraid of me getting fat. I started eating spoonfulls of it in secret because it gave me the pleasure I needed. My food addiction started there and it's been an issue ever since..

[@toscatattertail9813]

I have CPTSD, i am 67 yrs old and even though i have had extensive therapy i still struggle with the shadows and after effects of my childhood. --In this day and age it is easier to say what a child does not need in order for people to understand.....child must not be mentally/emotionally/physically/medically neglected, if they are they will merely survive instead of thrive. --They must not be invalidated/shamed every time they say something that does not align with the parent/teacher or older sibling. --They must not be placed in situations where they have no voice, but are forced to do something anxiety/fear provoking over and over because someone thinks it's "cute". --They must not be abused mentally/emotionally/psychologically/sexually/physically/on any level in multiple situations for merely existing. --They must not live in a multiple Catch 22 environment where to get what they want, they are required to do something they are incapable of reasonably doing, and then when they do their best they are denied the reward by a technicality. *EX: The parent says they want to see the floor of the bedroom, clean it up. The parent does not share with the 4-5 yr old child what the expectations of "clean" and "see the floor" are. So the child finds places to put the items on the floor, (in closets, under the bed, anywhere they won't be seen) that satisfy the expection of the parent being able to "see the floor". Unfortunately in the parents eyes this is a failure because their expectation was the dirty clothes would be placed in the over flowing hamper (which would be grounds for punishment), the toys placed in an already overflowing toy chest and the books and drawing materials be put away in a child's desk (that has no drawers). -- What a child needs is at least one adult who will value, validate and nurture them so there is someone positive in their lives to begin to counter balance all the pain/hurt/fear they have to live with.

[@sll110]

me feel EXTREMELY Painful and desperate from family, my mom pure evil, narcissist

[@yumaychang]

You’re describing double-bind abuse, one of the most damaging forms of abuse where nothing the child does leads to a good outcome. I had to endure this as well, and I feel your pain.

[@dnk4559]

You have described my childhood. Thank you as I’m working on the inner child and this helps clarify what I have experienced.

[@Nanzi007]

Wow. Just…wow. Thank you so much. This should be taught in school. It’s right up there with managing bodily functions. Everyone needs this!

[@Chris-yf2zs]

6:15 CT child is told you have no value, that's why I don't spend time with you and abuse you. CT child says to self: I have no value in what I am therefore my value must come from what I do. I have a great body, really good at x, really smart, value comes from external world.

[@jayoshree7655]

Nice video 😊

[@martinefarley7273]

Can I have the list of these 12 needs?

[@joelthomastr]

1. Pleasure 2. Food and water 3. Sex/procreation 4. Relationships, belonging 5. Unconditional love 6. Security 7. Purpose 8. Rest 9. Beauty 10. Awe 11. Spiritual 12. Wholeness I think he uses the same slides here at about 35:00, I checked my list against that kzbin.info/www/bejne/rXyxgGePaLKUb7M

[@martinefarley7273]

@@joelthomastr thank you 🌞

[@kariannelalli7894]

@@joelthomastr thank you

[@alimay967]

@@joelthomastrwow, you are good! Thank you very much ❤❤

[@justjess986]

@@joelthomastrthank you, you’re the best!

[@victorrubennavarrocortes739]

What we need for safety? Justice! That explains 99% of the anger I carry with me all my life

[@CM7777...]

These are not needs, most of them are wants. Nobody would be alive if they NEEDED these things

[@awright1676]

I have a pulse. I have survived. I am not alive. I do not thrive. I have meant unmet needs and until I resolve these needs I cannot go forward and live. I am a ghost, a shell, a body taking up space and breathing air. Basic needs vs. Human needs. We need food, water and air to survive, the rest we need to live.

[@CM7777...]

@awright1676 Jesus, the way, the truth, the LIFE

[@yourworstfan]

You're thinking of needs in terms of only physical survival. In that sense, several of these are not "needs" by your incorrect definition once one reaches adolescence. But your mindset is the mindset that causes parents to inflict childhood trauma on their children, and that causes adults to ignore their pain and take it out on others. As for your assertion that "nobody would be alive if they needed these things," thats ludicrous. Many people do get these needs met. If you don't see this, it's likely because you have been so alienated from healthy people all your life that you either don't understand what they are or have a lot of contempt for them.

[@CM7777...]

@yourworstfan You are blatantly incorrect on so many levels. You're another know it all keyboard warrior that has a lot of words to say nothing.

[@yourworstfan]

​@@CM7777... If I've said nothing, I wonder what it is you think you've said. Be well. You can argue with the whole world and convince yourself that you're right, but if you aren't helping anyone (even yourself), it's kind of pointless.

[@Yhoshua_B]

The 12 Needs as I understood them: Pleasure (positive emotions) Physical needs (food, water, shelter) Sex/procreation Relational/Intimacy (friendship) Love, respect/acceptance Security/safety Justice/consistency Sense of purpose/value Rest Sense of awe/beauty Spiritual Wholeness/contentment

[@basiabarbara3365]

Quick and ‘to the point’ message. Thank you❤️

[@mattng4707]

Yep my parents had me basically so they won't be lonely and show off to their bloody village, they said oh my son good cos he never wanted much as a kid ..yes cos I saw you beat the freak out of brother and how he smash windows. As a full grown adult now Boundaries. Major Boundaries.

[@HeyCoachBarbara]

What need is not being met right now? Great question

[@cathyx7202]

I want to ask something about the list of needs. What would overprotection (at a toxic, babying level, with paranoid tendencies about other people) would disrupt in the list? I thought about these needs: 4. Relationships/Belonging, because it decreases the time spent with friends in unstructured environments. The child has less time to form and strengthen bonds with other children. That can create delays in social development. (Ironically) 6. Security/Safety. Because the overprotective parent views the world as dangerous, the child begins to have that view, too. As a result, the child begins to feel unsafe in the world and they stay dependent on their parent for longer than they’re supposed to. That can also lead to anxiety. 7. Sense of Purpose, because the child has less opportunity to find their purpose. Or then, academic success and pleasing their parents can become their only purpose. Late teenager years: cannot find purpose by volunteering or getting a first job (or if they do, it’s with their parent next to them). 12. Need to feel whole, because the overprotected child can feel a sense of dissatisfaction with their life, that something is missing. Feel free to tell me if I’m wrong or if you think this is an exaggeration.

[@kathy1001]

Tim, thank you very much for sharing your knowledge with all of us who are suffering from CPTSD. I can learn and relate to all of your videos. God bless you always! 🙏🙏❤️❤️

[@NarrelleChain]

Also they want to know what is this all about beyond this material world, which is really important, I was always wondering why did people do such meaningless things, I had a hunger to know what was really going on, I was always a spiritual seeker and now I know but I am not a spring lamb which I how I know, took a lifetime !😂😂

[@soniap2891]

Where can I get a surrogate family & role modeling?

[@dalerohling5989]

Are these stages or just an order of priority, or both?

[@karstenburger9031]

Nice overview

[@GillianWard-h5r]

Loads of people are physically alive with these NEEDS being unmet I think the point and context is These are NEEDs for a human to be whole and healthy

[@lifeisbeautiful7047]

Thank you

[@Star-dj1kw]

❤❤ excellent

[@ashleyterrell1549]

What message is this clip from?

[@thebluebutterfly5177]

As a newly devoted lover of Jesus, how does this fit with Jesus being enough for all of our needs please? I could use some help to understand this.

[@thebluebutterfly5177]

@@zebrastripes3786 your comment is unkind and completely unnecessary and in no way helpful at all so why would you leave it? I haven’t commented to invite unnecessary human nastiness from those who like to cause trauma. Dr Tim Fletcher is a Pastor as well as a Counsellor, did you know that? You know absolutely nothing about me, maybe ask yourself all those questions before asking me them. I have reasons why I wouldn’t go to a doctor. A “doctor” in terms of one sat in a doctors office offering drugs to fix everything does not help with complex trauma, that’s why I am here, just like you! Perhaps if you considered Jesus rather than being offended by what I have asked you would have more understanding of people in general and that would help in your relationships. Please be a lot more sensitive when responding to any posts in a complex trauma community!? Thank you.

[@thebluebutterfly5177]

@@zebrastripes3786 it is a genuine question from a believer for other believers. Not a question for you. Go about your business and leave this place! Thank you

[@mitche5007]

Jesus being enough = trust. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever …. Jesus was sent to remind us that we are loved and this is the truth, despite what we see in the outer reality. The rest of what he says in these videos is an attempt to remove ignorance. Ignorance is the source of all fear.🙏

[@thebluebutterfly5177]

@@mitche5007 thank you

[@GillianWard-h5r]

Tim covers this in some other sessions, the parents are in the role of YHVH for their infants toddlers children and teens When the needs aren't met in the home by the parents it affects the developing infants brain and nervous system in a debilitating way that impacts all the rest of life It is when we are beginning to find separateness and independence from our parents we can learn to trust Jesus to meet our needs, There are still needs for human connection and He can bring healthy people into your life at this stage Being in a difficult or barren home is also a good time to learn to trust YHVH, and more like being in prison and subject to torture, hopefully all will find comfort supernaturally or none would survive at all