Black Love Live | How Family Can Get in the Way

Ryan Michelle Bathe & Sterling K. Brown dealt not only with her family not liking him, but with Ryan needing to reconsider some of the ideology she inherited growing up, in order to have a happy marriage.
Confronting an issue like this isn't easy but it was essential in order for them to move forward.
Our upbringing can affect our future relationships and this is something that Ryan and Sterling had to work through early on in their relationship.
These two have used their past to teach them lessons about what they want out of a marriage, parenthood and life.
How has your upbringing affected your relationships? What helped you come to this realization?
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[@egreaves2690]

My mom did the same thing. This year we're celebrating our 29th wedding anniversary. So glad I didn't listen. Funny thing is he had every quality she told me to look for in a good man.

[@arabakoleman1132]

With some people ,"the sight" could mean talking from a place of their own fears/insecurities and wanting to control others.

[@danyellev447]

Precisely, it sounds like her matriarchs were envisioning & reliving their own fearful and painful pasts.

[@modernwomanTv]

Truth..... my mom's family knows it all with "prophesies" and I as a born again christian call it bluff, a bunch of holier than thou, manipulative traits & know it all

[@striving1]

@@modernwomanTv and let's get back to she doesn't know who her Daddy is tho.🤷🏽‍♀️🤨

[@snk7913]

@@striving1 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 that part!!

[@rissaceehart4076]

EXACTLY!!!!

[@StandupGirl-ym3ey]

This so true!!!!!! My mom doesn't like none of her children's mates! I'm talking about NONE of them! But she been single FOREVER and 7 days!! I just learned in counseling that she really isn't the best person to give relationships advice! As long as he makes ME happy and he and my kids accept each other, we're good! And that didn't have NUN to do with her!!!

[@ariesrule2001]

100% fact. My family try to do the same thing as well. I had to set boundaries and keep my distance for my own sanity.

[@StandupGirl-ym3ey]

@@ariesrule2001 EXACTLY!!

[@dredonyal]

Hi 👋🏾 how did you all deal with it? What were some of the boundaries that you set? Besides distance.

[@sugamama9444]

Has she ever been married

[@NODE1975]

The only relationship advice that a single person can share with me is their experience on why they're single. I always believed that unmarried people shouldn't give relationship advice to married people unless they're sharing why they're not married.

[@ladennayoung2939]

Yes! Family can definitely interfere in your life in a negative way. You have to separate yourself from them in order to make decisions that are beneficial to you.

[@tamikaqueen1203]

I had a husband that was like that? We got divorced. He remarried. He got divorced again. He got married again & divorced. That un/healthy relationship with the family of orgin is very problematic. Now my daughter married a person with family issues. They live far away from family. They are doing great. That family will tear you apart faster than a man or woman or affair!!

[@nextlevelamazing7865]

Very Respectfully With All Due Respect Good Gods Day, If I May, according to Scriptures, if he was actually your first husband, Scriptures states that you will always be his wife and all those other women Scripturually in Gods eyes will never be considered wives to him at all, God Bless, V/R

[@ladennayoung2939]

Yes if you value your family members opinions above your spouse. Then that could be a problem. And if they are toxic. Then that could definitely be a problem. God have been advising me to pull away from my family, and to focus on me.

[@d.b.israel3214]

@@nextlevelamazing7865 .??????? In God's eyes? Wouldn't god reveal his "secrets" to his servants? The real Creator always reveals Himself to those who seek the Truth--and that's who the Creator is--said in Love not a rebuke ;))

[@nextlevelamazing7865]

@@d.b.israel3214 Very Respectfully With All Due Respect Good Gods Day, seems as though the question being asked is filled with deceit and laced with "a weak attempt to manipulate", why don't you take this opportunity to break down and explain your question, V/R

[@Jiron127]

People gotta remember, you marry the person not the family.

[@ladennayoung2939]

Please take what they are saying seriously. The Lord is truly wanting to heal us from past trauma, and break generational curses during this season. So He can take you to a new level, and you can truly receive the blessings that He have for you. Blessings to all of you. Take care.

[@cherylwilliams3193]

Sterling's wife is hilarious. "He's evil, But what about my parentage?"😭😭😭

[@keishaeller6714]

“Your obedience is your safety”?? Lord help!

[@personalpersonal9202]

Sterling’s wife is hysterical and beautiful.

[@CrystalsTrips1]

People misuse biblical principles so much and it’s sad

[@ladennayoung2939]

Right! They do it to suite themselves.

[@ladennayoung2939]

Suit*

[@Jiron127]

Which is why people go to hell left and right.

[@acharich]

Sigh.. 😕

[@rubym3915]

A friend of mine says "don't camp out in a Bible passage"

[@logekarl8584]

Boundaries are so important to raise your children with... helping them to identify their own feelings from your own..

[@lwills8609]

Her mother and grandmother were having visions of his acting roles.

[@dineoportiamagoro3212]

Lol...

[@cherylwilliams3193]

Lmaooo

[@ladennayoung2939]

Could have been seriously.

[@acharich]

WORD.. 😅😅😅

[@mrsbdubc2174]

🤣

[@loveimpactedteeth]

It ain’t about the dish towels...it’s about giving ourselves permission to do differently than what we’ve been told all our lives. It’s about realizing that if our happiness demands that we break the old dogmatic routines of our childhoods, then we are responsible for honoring the personal wishes and when we do, even if those around us and our marriage may not understand and agree with us, it’s still alright...

[@acharich]

💣💣💣💣💣

[@camilleclemons5515]

Amazingly said!! ☺️

[@rosej5029]

That's also the challenge of sharing my life with another person I love and respect. Bill Bellamy said it beautifully "[The couple] must submit to peace." I'm paraphrasing what he said to mean pick your battles and decide what I can accept and then BE QUIET AFTER DECISIONS MADE. Don't BRING STUFF UP AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN.

[@nunyabusiness3516]

Honestly THIS sentiment you just expressed breaks up more people or keep them from their blessings than any other, because it's easy to fall in love with the broad idea of love but not the work it takes to manage the compromises of everyday life.

[@ashleyackerman7590]

'Let People go" - That's the hard thing for people to do (especially when those people are family). Family members can be toxic and knowing when to step away from them can be the best thing you can ever do.

[@ladennayoung2939]

Honey your comment is a blessing to me. The Lord have been sharing this with me for the past few months. It is not easy but necessary. I don't speak to most of my family on a regular basis. I had to do that to protect my peace and sanity. I especially don't talk to my mom.

[@AntonioDavisJr]

There's so much truth to that.

[@acharich]

🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯

[@rosej5029]

I'm not even in a relationship but remember this valuable advice about marriage and to me ANY kind of toxic or dysfunctional family/friend which is don't tell those people your business especially about relationship with significant other. When they ask, say "We're fine" or "I'm fine".

[@ACETHEEGR8]

Love Sterling & his wife

[@saetae9208]

These folks with visions dont be married, they need to 'see' their own situations 1st

[@CarleneWalton]

It is harder to see the moat in your own eye than to see it in your brother or sister

[@LAmommy]

Right

[@jojomac4424]

Preach!!

[@egreaves2690]

👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@acharich]

💀💀💀💀💀

[@viviangathecha9745]

Sterling's wife looks really good in white ♥

[@davidmalik9821]

Well yes, and she looks really good...

[@acharich]

💯💯💯💯💯

[@davidmalik9821]

Stunning!

[@cecilliachi]

Ryan Michelle Bathe is HILARIOUS ok!! 😂😂😂

[@tjsealey5572]

These couples and conversations give me hope...thanks for sharing.

[@LAmommy]

If a woman that is unhappily single or unhappy in life is trying to give you advice...

[@MegaLadylove2012]

Yes you don’t wash the dishes towel with the bathroom towels! Ah how dare you! 🤣

[@butyoucancallmesam]

Her grandma and mom seem toxic.

[@geovanajalio4200]

Not toxic just misinformed

[@butyoucancallmesam]

@@geovanajalio4200 Which can be toxic.

[@itsallabouto8904]

Karmic energy at least.

[@ladennayoung2939]

They was toxic.

[@ladennayoung2939]

@@geovanajalio4200 yes they are toxic. Trust me! I mean we all could be misinformed coming up. But we have to realize when what we was taught was wrong, and seek help to break that viscous cycle.

[@talaya4348]

It's because he was Dark....that's just how I feel. He's a lovely gentleman

[@RC-iq2hh]

And they didn’t find him attractive

[@imlargessbeauty3166]

That's the vibe I got too. They didn't like his look.

[@angelicabarksdale9807]

Eggggsactly

[@JessicaSmith-fw3yp]

Me too. Which is crazy because she's dark too

[@sweettee6827]

He really is and he's fine!

[@chriske6795]

Thank you for covering our community in a real positive way.

[@Khyboh]

Amen.💝

[@jaybenjamin8471]

Just love these conversations. I deeply believe in Black Love. Been married 34yrs & Counting🖤💗

[@phoenixrisen3077]

It’s sad that family will use that valuable position of trust to manipulate people. When you see it, the relationship is never the same and then they get more aggressive in trying to bring you back under their control but end up destroying it more.

[@subsistence73]

Yep a bunch of propheliars in my family too lol and all of them are SINGLE with adult children that never moved out bc of their "visions"

[@geovanajalio4200]

The devil gives visions too.

[@SableDevon]

Or married and unhappy man it's hard to listen to everything they say when there lives aren't as immaculate as they act

[@aspirehigher6368]

@@SableDevon even if their lives were immaculate, their purpose on earth still isn't the next person's purpose. Ppl gotta stop acting like it's their way or the highway. God can speak to your child just like God can speak to you and their path is made for them just like yours is for you so it doesn't matter if sometimes they gravitate to stuff YOU wouldn't be comfortable taking on just let them shine in their own lane as they find it. And each child is different, too.

[@MegaLadylove2012]

🤣

[@ladennayoung2939]

That is very toxic and narcissistic. They don't want their children to have their own lives.

[@SableDevon]

The hardest thing is breaking from the family members way of thinking it's so hard man I needed this thought I was the only one. Cause I am the only one talking about it lol but this is like God sent cause I just had this issue like last week

[@ericabelcher8760]

I know exactly what you're saying!! Soooo true! Smh

[@Toccup1]

Ryan relationship with her mother reminds me of mine with my mom. It's hard to breakthrough.

[@TerraTalesofTestimonies]

Mine too, my mother still lives with me and doesn’t seem like she is trying to move out. It’s a very toxic situation

[@purplesoul9927]

May God grant you peace every single day. Find a happy place and it will help. Mine is music 😇

[@RC-iq2hh]

Outdated ideas and overly traditionally older folks will have you unhappy. Many things our parents and grandparents did are not relevant to today.

[@ladennayoung2939]

They wasn't even relevant then. They just past that information down from generation to generation.

[@TheLuvlfe]

@@ladennayoung2939 SO TRUE!

[@autobotdiva9268]

fa sho! been there done that

[@anbonner17]

Maybe it's just me, but Ryan looked like Phylicia Rashad when she said ”that's just nasty”! Oh, how I can relate to family critical judgments.

[@myladymarie]

I prefer when a married man wears a wedding ring just as he expects his wife to wear the ring

[@kaylarogan8988]

Yeah I was wondering why he doesn’t wear a ring. However, he wears on the show This is us.

[@ladennayoung2939]

Idk. I don't think it would bother me. It just depends. I know Seventh Day Adventist don't wear jewelry at all. That married person need to be honest and committed whether they wear a ring or not.

[@ScottyLane_]

He might not expect his wife to wear it though! She could just like so wear it idk

[@YaniqueChristie]

@@ladennayoung2939 seventh-day adventist wears wedding rings/bands.

[@bbdass4598]

Preach. Take the good qualities and leave the disfunctions. That is evolution. My husband has really broken me to open up and evolve from family programming and I have done the same to him

[@tristyy404]

There is magic in the “so you believe in vision” moment. When someone says back to you the foolishness you spout it’s life changing. I also see the moment of I love & respect my wife but thats hilarious & she’ll understand if I laugh.

[@sophieopondo4065]

Sterling K.Brown God bless that man.

[@Akili369]

I'm with old girl family about the dish towels though fam. That's how I was raised too

[@lrs1519]

That would have never occurred to me. But I can see how people would consider that to be unsanitary.

[@swesley275]

Me,too. And I am frugal, but I can NOT bring myself to wash dish towels with anything other than dish towels. 🤷🏿‍♀️

[@cinnamonlifeministryinthec4067]

I’ve loved Sterling since Army Wives tv show

[@animezae]

Same

[@nunyabusiness3516]

It is great that they learn and grow together and let go of these hard-line, no compromise ideas of right and wrong and understand right for YOU doesn't equal right for EVERYONE. So many people are alone wishing they had what someone else does because they simply don't know HOW to grant grace or understand another human being.

[@Mbalz779]

❤I'm gaining so much knowledge from listening to these videos. Thank you

[@sharonrather5788]

I want Black Love

[@muthoniwanjohi1842]

Omg sooo true. I've been dating my boyfriend for a while now and this year my family came down on us haaaard, saying they think he's just not right for me. I was broken but I just felt fed up. I had a weird childhood, basically branded a rebel coz I was not a quiet introverted person and this guy understood me. We've been through so much and I just reflected and noticed how consistent he was with me and the much I've grown into who I believe I'm meant to be just coz I knew he had my back, and wasn't limiting me. He loves me for me. So I just decided I'm the one in the relationship and they're just gonna have to live with that. I love them, I respect them but I gotta trust myself now.

[@Atruwoman]

My mom is just too over bearing and needs to cut the umbilical cord!! But my husband had a lot of patience💕

[@SantannaDean]

I really enjoyed Sterling & Ryan

[@ambermccutchen8451]

I have learned a lot in this session about in-laws from my family to my husband family they all have their opinions and advice but at the end of the day it's about our relationship sincerely yours Mrs Amber McCutchen

[@phoenixrisen3077]

Can I just say I absolutely love Sterling K and have the utmost respect for him as a human. Also, one of my favorite quotes of Rumi’s.

[@cornersworthcleaning8472]

I agree with the dish towels!!!

[@MaroonTiger]

The eggshells that the inlaws have laid out for themselves to walk on.. 😂

[@andreab.1906]

I love these people. They are speaking truth.

[@ladennayoung2939]

I can see by reading some of the comments. That some people truly didn't take the time to receive the TRUE and IMPORTANT message that this couple was conveying. They was stuck on washing dish towels and bath towels separately, or the fact that he didn't have his ring on during this segment for whatever reason. Oppose to saying to themselves that it is probably necessary for them to consider that distancing themselves from some family members and traditions will benefit you, and help enable you to receive the blessings God have for you.

[@rjohnson3866]

I agree totally!!

[@ladennayoung2939]

@Abisola Abiodun Kim who? I'm not sure how your comment is related to what I was saying. Can you elaborate?

[@candywilliams7475]

😂 the vision was probably talking about her mother and aunt 😂

[@xiomanaxoxoxo3212]

Sterling is so handsome. and his wifey is beautiful I can see their babies will be gorgeous.

[@brittanyjackson6432]

Is Sterling's wife an actress, she's hilarious?!

[@davidmalik9821]

Yes! She is very funny. However, they both play off of each other which is cute and funny as well. Seem like a great couple and good people. Although I didn't like him selling out Wakanda. LOL.

[@rosej5029]

@@davidmalik9821 How did he sell out Wakanda?

[@davidmalik9821]

@@rosej5029 Have you seen the movie? If you had, you wouldn't ask the question. Don't know how you missed that one if you have seen it.

[@justagirl4627]

@@davidmalik9821 dang it was a question. Calm down

[@davidmalik9821]

@@justagirl4627 Dang, I didn't know I WAS NOT calm. You calm down.

[@goddessateeba6158]

This is why we moved 10 hours away. Moving away from both sides of the family brought us peace. It also balanced us. We visit and love on everyone and ignore any shady remarks. Then we go back to our peaceful 🏠.

[@tashab1635]

Wow this was for me. I was also trained to wash tea towels separately too. But I am willing to let go of some of my programming. Thank you for sharing this.

[@rosej5029]

Did the whole audience groan when she said "in-laws"? OMG!LOL!

[@bloop6461]

A lot of old school bw live like that and still relay those messages down the line... old people don’t like change 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@ladennayoung2939]

What do them not liking change have to do with their children's well-being?

[@bloop6461]

Ladenna Young not a damn thang, which is why this is my post and I can say whatever I like and comment on whatever part of the video I like. If you don’t like it, make your own post 😉

[@Jiron127]

Agreed. A lot of so called tradition amongst other things is wrong and satanic.

[@Jiron127]

@@ladennayoung2939 a lot actually. Unless you think 1960 was like 1980, was like 2000 to 2020. Things change drastically. Your off spring reflect those changes. Not to a T in your house. But will embody the era they grow up in. The older we get, we become relic's of yesterday. That's the way of this world. Instill good values in your kids and they'll not stray far from you.

[@misstunes1765]

Damn Charity, sensitive much! You were only asked a question, via a comment section no less. How immature. Maybe it is use who shouldn't post if you're so sensitive.

[@carlagee2615]

Pple do have gifts and talents from a spiritual place, but you have to test and check those spirits on there source. Some families do have insecurities from their own past situations.

[@hawkeye_zr1carver.207]

I can't wait until I find my Wife and Get Married. DMV area ? I'm single...

[@novinawright1228]

Awe I hope u find her.

[@macreshodwilliams6233]

King I Hope You Get Blessed With Your Wife One Day

[@sarahhalifax3050]

I'm Sarah Halifax Holla me

[@angelicashobby]

He looks intense. His expressions...but he's an actor so it fits his mode. But yea I get how they were concerned. 😄

[@acharich]

💣

[@feliciacrosby9657]

I love these beautiful black married couples. And I know that’s right about the cleaning towels. My Mom would give me a look of shame if I did that. No comb nor brush on the kitchen table or island, wash you hands before going in the frig & change your linen every Saturday morning & to this day I’m still doing all of it and I thank her for it. My husband tells me all the time, you’re just like your Mom & I tell him all the time, would you prefer a trifling woman? His response is, “it’s all good.”

[@AnnaM4117]

Lol seriously, I grew the same way. YOU DO NOT wash the cleaning towels with bathing towels. It’s law.

[@geovanajalio4200]

Pumpum towels and dish towels do not belong together. Sorry. That's nasty.

[@lorebay2593]

Me too, they old ways, but that’s a good one, you just don’t wash the kitchen towels with the bathroom towels, you just don’t. 😆 lol

[@mommimommi5014]

Stunna2k18 - That's a sin. Not to mention NASTY 😉.

[@ThebigGLRams]

And you don't wash bedding sheets on the same day as clothes

[@sugamama9444]

@@ThebigGLRams I'm pulling the bed sheets off while watching this video and I'm washing other clothes as well. I have NEVA heard of this 🤣

[@MichaelAlexander1967]

It's about aligning your values. They don't have to be a one to one match, but proximity is good. If there is distance in values then collaboration, resolutions, sensitivity and understanding are good concepts to consider.

[@lovelykupenga640]

Wow I just learnt something today...don't right people off. Have been doing that with my in laws a lot because I grew up "different". Oh my!

[@denisejones2639]

❤❤❤ and 🤣🤣🤣 all wrapped together!! #loveIt

[@inthisworld414]

That dish towel rule is true

[@mymylovely6331]

I totally agree with the towel and the hairbrush thing

[@RE-im1xm]

This is wonderful. I'd also like to see a Black Love special about relationships where there is an age-gap present.

[@SPOKENWORDZ1970]

That scary laugh he did lol😳😱😄

[@striving1]

Yes! 7 towels in the washer by themselves on low🤷🏽‍♀️😀

[@ambermccutchen8451]

I am so so glad very glad you guys are talking about this topic of in-laws sincerely yours Mrs Amber McCutchen

[@mickeydemas]

His laugh though✨

[@tnjang]

This is soooooo good!!!!!

[@zakiahart3919]

So true you have to live your life for yourself in the end. Parents have to trust and let their children go. I know exactly what she’s talking about. We teach our children as much as we can about life but we won’t always be around when they have certain experiences in life.

[@michellepalmer1160]

So true about those mothers and grandmother's they want to control you.. your family will keep you single..probably jealous. My grandma didn't want none of her sons to be married

[@cynthiac2558]

Don’t marry a person who does not know or believe in the biblical principle that when you marry you become one with Christ and you are to leave your mother and father (family) and cleave to your spouse, and together with the help of God, you handle your problems privately, trusting the leading of God to see you through.

[@Tbrownie116]

She is adorable...

[@sharmaineclif6731]

My mom always has the dream. Oh boy!!!! Single again!

[@jntshinga2164]

💞Absolutely inspirational and relevant🙌🏾. Thx 4 sharing.

[@gerardraney4227]

I don't care what anybody says you determine your own happiness. However, if you share that happiness with someone else,and you are in love, that's a bonus! People particularly family will hate on you. Life goes on. Some of your biggest haters can be family.

[@daniellefennell3877]

True

[@acharich]

💣

[@starslove6341]

Beautiful couples❤️

[@kam.kam.]

🤯🤯🙌🏿 OMG!!! This! All of THIS!!

[@yolandayvetteantoine4689]

I am in the same boat. I would probably not be married to my husband if my grandmother was alive. Not until she passed away did it allow me the freedom to move and experience a different way of life and experience different things. Funny that my husband has the same family dynamic and we moved away from what we knew to find each other and then deal with those traumas in our marriage. In year 10 we are finally mastering who we are and our happiness.

[@hallisWorldVision]

Well the problem is people don't understand that the scriptures in the Bible prove right - You really need to leave your mother and father when you get married. It's not because you are abandoning them - it's because a lot of time their opinions will get in the way of your marriage. And your life now consists of your husband/wife and their feelings not your family's.

[@lesliemajor5033]

If you wash dish towels with regular laundry, it makes everything smell greasy! A no no No brushing hair in the kitchen!

[@traceypugh9427]

EXACTLY lol

[@FabulousVerse]

Adult children can be difficult as well. I don't think ANYONE can be as disapproving of a new relationship as my children. Again, they are grown all but one is in their 30s, and on their own so it's not the stressor it used to be but few men are willing to run that gauntlet. I feel like he scared off all the good ones until my fiance came along. He doesn't approve of this one either but this one is completely unbothered, so we'll see. Only time will tell but so far I'm glad I waited for him. ❤

[@bcdmovement6856]

Yes the sight !!!

[@xo_xiomara_xo]

Ryan Michelle's favorite quote hit me like a ton of bricks.

[@saritamoorebansa4485]

In-laws are a trip.... You marry the person AND their family..... Don’t believe the hype... You have to have some kind of relationship with your husband/wife/partners’ family . You may not be in love 😍 with them but you have to respect them. Don’t make folks choose... between family or you.... Just “grin” and bear during holidays. If you can’t say something nice don’t say anything....😀😃😄 .

[@sondanjy6694]

I love these talks❣️

[@destinypalin5657]

Love these ❤️

[@christianaadekunle4157]

Just here to say God loves you and he forgives your sins, if you accept Jesus Christ as the saviour who died for our sins. Please read the Bible if you want to know more. Have a blessed day.

[@ladennayoung2939]

You have a blessed day as well. Thanks for sharing the message.

[@AKilahVamp]

Get out

[@stephaniemiller5165]

The hair brush yezzzzzzz

[@stephaniemiller5165]

Yeeeeeezzzzzz the dish towel yezzz

[@Reeses710]

Love it!!

[@zebrayellow4629]

Yes, please help me with this!!

[@LNR82]

This was good. . 🤣🤣

[@ShelbyJonai]

She is hilarious!!!

[@615BlackBarbie]

I'm the same way with those dish towels. Unless.... I'm putting bleach and much of it into the machine. Lol. I think that man is still hurt behind her and the family actions.

[@ladennayoung2939]

I mean I think God will and can give people dreams and visions about different situations. But when it come to you making decisions about your life. You have to let God lead and guide you. Some women are very jealous of you, and they don't want to see you happy. A lot of mom's, grandmother's, aunt's, and sisters can be very jealous hearted and toxic. Do yourself a favor and depart from these people. Please protect yourself and your children from this toxicity in Jesus name.

[@anele.nsithole5593]

But dish towels, in the wash with your panties, for instance, it's a little nasty. But obviously that was not the point of the dialogue. Beautiful message of meeting your partner, the Rumi quote.