*BONUS EPISODE * The Relationship Autopsy - The R Spot

BONUS EPISODE The R Spot - Season 3 - Episode 14
THE RELATIONSHIP AUTOPSY
12 episodes delivered every Tuesday at 3:00pm est only at KZbin - Subscribe Today!
The R Spot episodes are where Iyanla shares messages, stories, and ideas to develop healthy relationships, and mend the ones that are broken. If you want to send Iyanla questions or share relationship issues; send correspondence below.

[@weathamorris4251]

My biggest issue is that I knew the relationship if there there was ever one, had died a long time ago. I did not and could not foresee spending the rest of my life with that man. However, I Waited and suppressed my unhappiness. I was working on my exit strategy I told myself and when everything came together, I would leave. Well, he beat me to it. Now that he's gone, I am relieved. My ego is bruised a bit because of the circumstances under which he left. Deep down, I know it was the right thing. Moving forward, I will never overlook my feelings about things to accommodate others. The relationship was not healthy nor loving and spending your life with someone like that is like dying slowly.

[@charlita25]

All of my past relationships has been unhealthy because that's what I grew up seeing. But I am always determined to try to break the cycle

[@judahgad]

charlita25 start by taking try out of your declaration and just do. The word try gives you room to quit.

[@michaelkirksey4510]

GREAT!!! This is confirmation that I have put the work in to be a whole person, I had always been 50% and waiting on my other 50%, did not realize that I needed to be a whole person. Today I am WHOLE person, GRATEFUL for the lesson, and waiting on my KING to find me!!

[@IAmYokoHaze]

Did you find your king sis 👀 is there hope for me 😂😂

[@Ishtar2419]

For 25 years I enabled my narc husband by allowing him to to control me, manipulate me and emotionally abuse me. Totally blind to what was going on and thinking I could fix it, fix him. So co-dependant, afraid of being abandoned and having so much low self worth I put up with it much longer that I should have. He had an exit plan set up for years and I didn't, he has left me struggling financially. It's painful to even talk to him as we have children together but I am trying to rebuild my self worth. Deep childhood wounds controlled both of us but I can look at myself and see why, he can't and slanders me to others which hurts the most. He thinks he is a wonderful, amazing person and can't see the trail of devastation he has left behind. My 17 year old son is depressed and has low self worth from years of critisism, critisism we all recieved from him and I can now see he was projecting, but it's too late because the damage has been done. I blame myself for not leaving years ago and could have saved my son from some of the suffering he has had to go through. That is the hardest thing I have had to deal with.

[@terriesmith8219]

Christina 11~It's good you recognised and see your situation for what it is. You see reality for what is is. That's more than I can say for my mom. My dad was physically, emotionally and mentally abusive to all his kids and my mom was weak (still is) emotionally and mentally weak and allowed him to abuse us for years. They are both still together but miserable. They both hate each other, talk shit about each other, yet both can't leave. They will never change because they don't see their own flaws. They both don't self reflect and can't realise how dysfunctional and emotionally unfit they are. They will be this way until they die. I've come to accept this fact about my parents a long time ago. It's sad but that is the reality.

[@IntellectuallyKurious]

Christina 11 this is me right now. Ive accepted my part in the death of our relationship. But he speaks to our friends and family and blames me for EVERY THING. Cheated on me with 3 different women. Never apologize for the pain and betrayal hes put our family through. I am raising 2 beautiful queens 6yrs and 1yr and ill be damned if I stick around for them to see me always sad and broken. I packed his ish loaded up his vehicle and sent it to him with his cousin. Now God is my EVERYTHING. I trust him with my entire future. I know he knows what's BEST for me and his plans are always good. Good luck with your healing and congrats on finding the strenght to move on. Get your son into therapy asap abd pray over your kids EVERYNIGHT. You are loved and you are enough.

[@KismetSKinNurse]

Christina 11 I will like to tell you that if you can start your inner work, you will get better slowly but surely. Do not blame others including him for anything, he only played the role you allowed him to play. The most important part of the work is forgiveness. Self forgiveness is number one. I wish you well.

[@ev5341]

Christina 11.....ik how u feel... I'm going through something similar. it's so hard to deal with

[@darjakolar]

I am going through healing atm as well, but is much easier since he is out of the house. We have 3 queens below 5 yo. I am alone in foreign country where I do not speak their language and with no family. Had what I belive a narc mom and I believe my ex is also one. No matter how hard it is I cannot be around him and watching how he mistreats me, I am a strong person inside and through whole life if something broke me down I stood up and marched again and now I will not allow another man to enjoy the control over me, so I will be broken for my whole life! I am sad of my dream of happy family being broken, however I started to be grateful that he did come to my life and that I was able to see I need to put LOVE and ATTENTION to MYSELF! I need to fulfill my own NEEDS and raise little queens who will love and appreciate themselves and not go to look for a love from a man that they should give to themselves! It is damn hard especially by not having much support but I know in my core that's what it needs to be done! I just hope that I will not be expecting that love from my daughters ...

[@cemplygloria6261]

Consistent hurt of a broken relationship stems from the idea of what you had in mind and coming to terms that it's not going to happen. Remove the idea and the hurt goes away.

[@veliciahiley7652]

Great teaching. People often do not take the time to assess the ending of a relationship. And move to the next potential relationship , feelings , doubts , fears, bad habits. And that potential relationship does not stand a chance for being successful.

[@boundsgarneff5157]

Velicia Williams of course bc we bring the same pathologies to a new relation. Self assessment is essential to mend our broken pieces. Great comment

[@rimraoudi570]

Wow. This really felt like an open heart surgery. Thanks Ms Iyanla, I cried and laughed but I hope this gives me peace. Love from Morocco 🥰 Bless you!

[@missamericausa]

I got out a pen and paper and did it all. Got to start somewhere very helpful thank you so much for the video and taking the time to do that.

[@MuellerKanzlei]

I totally agree! Thank you dear Iyanla😊

[@amberangel35]

I am interested in a lasting mutual loving, giving and satisfying relationship. Taking inventory to gain just that✨

[@LeaAnne94]

This was very helpful. My ex broke up with me out of nowhere (or so I thought) yesterday. This helped me see all the things that were wrong and how much I was choosing to ignore because I didn't want to lose the happy parts.

[@cemplygloria6261]

Usually, Consistent hurt of a broken relationship stems from the idea of what you had in mind and coming to terms that it's not going to happen. Remove the idea and the hurt goes away. mymentor.life/coaches-frontpage/?coach_id=1111

[@secondopinion53]

THANK YOU... FROM A MAN I NEEDED THIS...

[@carolnkosi3564]

This came at just the right time. Thank you for this. I did the exercise and realised so much about what led to the demise of my relationship. Sending you love from South Africa 🇿🇦

[@shadowowner6485]

Iyanla it's been two nights and I still haven't finished answering the questions... It's hard but I'm willing to do it very aware of myself. By far I've discovered that I got my self into that, my total responsibility... and that I also hurted him and created difficult scenarios for him. Thank you so much for showing us this amazing tool.

[@krisredlee]

Why would you stay somewhere you weren't wanted? HUM.

[@sadarasmith2994]

Kris smh some people truly fear being alone which is unfortunate so they stay in toxic dead relationships!

[@MuellerKanzlei]

I love that!it is so logical.

[@riettedac5325]

Iyanla thank you for this amazing relationship autopsy session, which I listened to this morning (Brisbane Australia time) and again this afternoon. This afternoon spent listening to the questions and writing them down, for homework shortly. This will I believe, allow me to grief and put the hurt and the pain/sorrow where it belongs in the past. Blessings to you.

[@porcsheacarter6340]

Thanks Iyanla, we were on our way to the grave yard. I listened and did the work, after I sat with it in dismay. If I felt this way I wondered, what could he be thinking or feeling. So on a Friday night instead of going out as usual I asked if we could talk, which for him is like torture. I gave pen and paper and we separately, but together completed and then read the other the responses. At times my mouth dropped, others things I already knew, but didn't know he noticed. This is game changing. Currently working on a goal list . He actually had some moments that were eye opening. Currently in ICU on life support. All I can say is Thanks Iyanla for ways to think about things, also to communicate in a better way.

[@kcshotme2231]

Issa and Lawrence need this episode lol #insecure

[@robinpresha5310]

When you look back on that relationship you going to say oh my been there done that don't miss that at all and never look back for what

[@imanisankofa]

Thanks Iyanla! I needed this! I'll start working on my exit strategy today!

[@Ellteesunnie]

Dear Iyanla, I️ am so grateful for your channel, show, and everything you do. Thank you for being a vessel and using your power to heal. I wrote down all of these questions and worked through them. It took a few days because a lot really came up for me! After this exercise and re-watching the “Letting Go” video - I️ am in a better space. MUCH BETTER! I️ thank God for you, your work, your story. I️ pray I️ meet you one day. God bless you!

[@MuellerKanzlei]

Me too. I agree

[@phoenixrising4719]

Thank you so much for this wow so powerful my husband left after 31 years with 1 days notice. This has helped so much from childhood issues I can now lovingly release bless you ♥ off for tissue and tea 🍵

[@YasminYoruba]

I am so glad I found this. It hurts but I feel this is the start of really healing and moving on.

[@raikaylaewing2662]

You allowed me to broaden my thoughts and ideas about this topic that I never considered. Thank you for opening me. ❤️

[@QuantumInspired]

Thank you very much for helping me to bring back me to the place she is belong and set myself free and outgrow my past💗💗💗💗you are my light💗💗💗

[@rachelbeal8475]

Hello, I thank you my sister for your many years of service. I am from the Bronx and have been reading and sharing your work since my early 20's. I am now 45 with 4 children and 23 years of abuse to heal from. All the reading and searching I did to avoid the history repeating it still did. I want to tell women on this channel to hold strong and watch what you speak and think about it creates your reality!! Iyanla I have your first book of your life story I have read it over a hundred times. Why? I felt your pain and we have a lot in common. I was going to be interviewed for fix my life 3 years ago my sister wrote in, however I was still in it and the abuse was to bad and I was still lost. Wish I had the courage then maybe my children would be healthier adults Love and peace to all. Rachel

[@marcek9910]

I love this, and will do the work on the last three relationships I've been a part of. It will be deep work but very valuable I'm sure. Thank you for this amazing content!!

[@mariecrowe8843]

Wow, I love your healing helping videos, this is a fabulous tool, took quite a while to complete. Why were you not my mother.......oh because if you were I probably wouldn’t need so much help now ❤️

[@riyonajohnson2197]

Dang she is good like omg I feel like I just got outta therapy I’m here for a break up and now I’m crying over daddy issues thank you iyanla 💓

[@Btheobee]

Big thanks Iyanla... ure amazing!!!

[@sabinastadler]

This is so powerful iyanla. Im amazed at how u said Breath and at specific points. Ur really gifted. May God continue to use u to bring healing. Thank u for mine

[@amadeux12]

This was amazing. I think it will help me with the process of the breakup I'm going through. Thank you so much.

[@CloBareMoneyCoach]

This is my first time watching your videos and you are just absolutely wonderful. Sending you a big hug because thank you for all the love I felt through this video while working on some other shit.

[@catricesmith6849]

One of my favorite episodes

[@daynaclift2276]

Powerful. This is helping me look at myself and make some serious ass changes. Thank you! This is more helpful then therapy. Thank you. You are an amazing light in this world. God bless you. Much love!

[@tasha1206100]

Here I am three years late. I’m trying to hold on to my relationship. Our highs are high but them lows are low and it’s hard. I’m doing my best to behave better in my relationship because I know I kill my relationships with my big mouth lol. The thing is it’s hard for me not to be me. To slip into my patterns. I feel like I am constantly watching what I say and do. Trying to communicate better. I have difficulties with this. Sometimes I feel like I can’t be myself or I’m going to ruin it. 🤦🏾‍♀️😞

[@chloetyreman1164]

It’s good to recognise your flaws and bad habits but the right person shouldn’t make you feel like you need to change for them, or feel bad for being you. They should love you for you. Hope this helps ❤️

[@tasha1206100]

@@chloetyreman1164 thank you for saying this!! I’ve definitely left that relationship. In hindsight he didn’t allow me to be me. He criticized me a lot. He was verbally abusive which made me question myself a lot. He caught me at a time when I was doing a lot of self searching and growing. Trying to be more understanding with a person who took advantage of that. 🤦🏾‍♀️

[@chloetyreman1164]

@@tasha1206100 I have just left a very similar situation and I feel so empowered and can finally be who I really am. Only a weak man tries to change a women because they are intimidated by your power ! Always remember that 🥰❤️

[@tasha1206100]

@@chloetyreman1164 🥰🥰 I appreciate you and yes you are right. I can be intimidating to the wrong type of man. At the time I didn’t see it but he made comments that definitely supports this. I’m glad we both got out and know our worth 🥰❤️. Enjoy your weekend

[@chloetyreman1164]

@@tasha1206100 defiantly girl thank you you too 🥰🥰

[@j.andrysewicz6209]

Thank you.

[@willy6758]

Thank you so much Iyanla! Your wisdom is a blessing that I am so thankful for. Your an angel!

[@kmold0033]

Wow this is so eye opening! And your voice is so soothing, makes me feel better about the process.

[@LauraRyan2007]

"I watch Law & Order." 😂 You're too cute.

[@meronnegash3950]

What if my own numbness caused me to stay in the relationship but am now awake and left the abusive relationship I needed it now and now have same issues with my own parent whenever they come around?

[@afaafabdallah6992]

thank u Iyanla ,appreciate this video so much

[@kats5031]

Thank you! I was hoping for something like this and am so glad to have found it from someone like you that i trust. Send me good vibes as I start this...

[@Claudia-pn6xd]

I love it when she says "COJONES" Way to go Iyanla!!!

[@peacefulbliss323]

Thank you Ms. Iyanla. Everything you spoke about is going to be used.

[@Noelle2024]

Another great video ♥️ blessings to you ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

[@hannahv.7977]

My pattern of behavior is codependency and people-pleasing to keep someone with me. (Which is manipulative). I realized that the only reason I really liked my ex was bc he liked me- but the truth is I MADE him like me. I caused this. It would have never worked bcI was never myself. Only when I decided to be myself did everything we built (or ig I built) crumble.

[@kiarachetty979]

This really helped me. Thank you

[@befitumefitsum4620]

Thank you so much for This is message!!!I do need this

[@rowenakhan4618]

Thank you so much for this!

[@SamanthaBankss]

I'm excited about this

[@leasah1197]

Oh Iyanla. Thank you

[@halitst1]

I love you, Iyanla!

[@didifghnlie283]

Girl I needed this

[@robinpresha5310]

Some things are just not meant to fix is just a nothing to fix

[@peaceatlast2684]

WONDERFUL ADVICE!!!!!!!!!X

[@terriesmith8219]

100% agree with everything you say, Iyanla! Love you. Great job! 👏👏👍👍👍

[@satdocndm]

Awesome thanks for sharing!

[@bigjeff4343]

I needed this. Digging deep is difficult for me. I piled slot on how I really feel. How do I choose a mate?

[@tboykin13tb]

All I can say is AMEN!!! 💌

[@PinkPrincess1177]

Do you have a website or a list of these questions?

[@MrsSmith-hp3qw]

Thank you

[@kiml5626]

Iyanla, Thank you.

[@Empre55]

I don't think I've told you I love you lately. Your flowers 🌺

[@charlita25]

Thanks for these Gems

[@c.a.m1323]

What a Intrested one.

[@Oshuin9]

No offense, but the jingle for the show was not good for me. Other than that, thanks for the upload.

[@kmold0033]

Is there any video on here that might have some like this, a Series of questions or so to help “check in” “communicate” with a partner while In the relationship? I struggle with this.... haven’t been able to find a resource, I tried back before my relationship ended but didn’t have much luck

[@talisiaross5405]

Dammit Iyanla!!! This exercise was therapeutic for even I, a darn life coach!

[@thesundayreset9636]

Talisia Ross Therapists need therapy.

[@judahgad]

I agree with Savvy Sammy, get your son in therapy. Don't dwell on the negative. Time to heal and grow.

[@denisehoskins2140]

Iyanna please need help seperation agreed too but circumstances have us living in my household what to do.

[@bitka]

You remid me of a lady Oracle from the Matrix movie :).

[@sofiapaladino5172]

I love your voice

[@francismendekeh3394d]

I will not be able to answer any of this questions. I am down on my knees begging for your forgiveness. If can only see you face to face you will know tho truth.

[@ahmednazmy5085]

all me love

[@ahmednazmy5085]

my home life

[@ahmednazmy5085]

running

[@emmalymckissick24]

💚💚💚💚💚 God Grateful for you Iyanla

[@ahmedhabel2334]

ahhhhhhhhhhhsoulheartme

[@dasiasmith08]

I don't want to forgive them

[@ahmednazmy5085]

heart speak tell me what he feel

[@ahmednazmy5085]

end start trust feelying

[@ahmednazmy5085]

4 years near light you know

[@Caprivlogs]

i dont get this line of questioning. i think it should be felt.

[@IntellectuallyKurious]

bignofbraxtons when its felt youre more likely to respond to emotions (anger, frustration, resentment etc) By wtiting it down you really have to search your heart more and think deeper vs going off your initial knee jerk reaction.

[@ahmednazmy5085]

heat speak

[@authornicolegreen4373]

Iyanla, I need to talk to you..

[@ahmednazmy5085]

one day life feelying

[@relatableblackgirl]

14:14

[@ahmednazmy5085]

soul fly for know tell me what he feel

[@mala9880]

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@francismendekeh3394d]

Will you forgive me? Please I was blind but now I see please, please save my life I need your help. Call me.

[@leonoramederos5264]

[@mixedchickULike]

Iyanla's advice is to divide and conquer. She is with the agenda to break up the family. Why every time, she just talks about moving on? Why not about how to work it out and save your marriage? She's got on sheep's clothing.

[@MuellerKanzlei]

This is SO NOT TRUE!

[@lauradeb222]

This helped me so much and has been an enormous eye opener. ❤️ Thankyou for this amazing activity, I feel mentally prepared to heal. 🤍