Brandon's Cult Movie Reviews: ZARKORR! THE INVADER

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B-movie super producer Charles Band returns to the show with the direct-to-video monster flick "Zarkorr! The Invader", although the real monster is how much filler there is in an 80-minute movie!
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[@TheBrandonTenold]

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[@TheIntelligentElephant71133]

Do the the original remake of king kong from 1986 and the sequel king kong lives i think you’ll find it interesting 👑 🦍

[@TheIntelligentElephant71133]

And tbh I didn’t think the 1998 american godzilla was that bad I thought is was good, perfect and cool to be awesome 😎 🦖 🤩

[@adamofgrayskull7735]

Dude you deserve more subs

[@dlbarnes]

Keep up the excellent work; enjoy your work!!!

[@Michelleabela5487]

This video is great like dynamite🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🔥🔥🔥🔥🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🔥🔥🔥🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨🧨

[@robwalsh9843]

I used to subscribe to G-Fan magazine when I was a kid. I wrote in about how bad this movie was, and it annoyed one of the filmmakers/producers enough that he wrote about his displeasure of my review. Not a bad attempt at shitposting in a pre-internet era.

[@ZiddersRooFurry]

Epic lol

[@mrgodzillaraptors8632]

That’s pretty poggers

[@kurniawanwidisusanto3619]

If it shit, it shit. You did the right thing Not all heroes wear a cape or condom

[@superdeluxesmell]

We stand on the shoulders of giants!

[@CaptainRufus]

And now G Fan has dumb boomer takes talking about how vaccines are bad and Ronald Reagan was great. I don't get JD Lees at all. I don't think he is from Alberta or that he got a particularly bad strain of BC Bud so I am gonna go with Boomer. Canadians aren't supposed to act like dumb Americans dammit! We Americans are supposed to be dumb Americans!

[@TheBestComicKing]

My friends and I joked that the entire movie was just the main character suffering from a major schizophrenic episode.

[@Omicron9999]

That would have made it way more fun.

[@demonkingbadger6689]

Well, i have seen movies, where that would actually make the plot make sense.

[@benderbendingrodriguez420]

It's like that robot chicken sketch where a kid wins a game of checkers, is taken to outer space by aliens as Earth's ultimate champion to defeat another more evil alien race and saves the day. Turns out he was just having a seizure & frothing at the mouth

[@yourtimetraveleralara]

@@demonkingbadger6689 yeah

[@dbsommers1]

That does sound better.

[@ZiddersRooFurry]

"Postal workers were kind of like the grunge of mass shooters-they had a moment there back in the 90's" rofl Your reviews are some of my favorites on KZbin.

[@georgeoldsterd8994]

They should really make a comeback. 😏

[@randybarnett2308]

The Ultimate Terrorist --- a Vietnam Veteran who as a civilian now works at the Post Office, whose a bodybuilder on steroids, member of the NRA, just recently converted to Islam.😎

[@chrismaynard8600]

One of the best lines I've heard

[@mzgreenjeansapproves]

See if I had some tiny fairy type person told me I had to save the world, I wouldn't do shit. Not unless she gets her twin sister and sing a song about how awesome I am. Then I'd go fight a giant lizard monster. Otherwise she can go pound sand

[@yourtimetraveleralara]

Yeah me too even if i was dreaming!

[@AgentofLADON]

You just know the scriptwriter watched Mothra but they could only afford one fairy and no song.

[@petermmm42]

mothra in ebirah Horror of the deep: I only need 639 hours of singing by everybody on infant island and then I will save my own people!

[@mzgreenjeansapproves]

@@petermmm42 oh yeah they also had a whole dance routine "ooga booga" style. I'm not that much of a diva the twin fairies don't need backup dancers 😜

[@ranchosdelnorte]

Man, I'm relieved that you only wanted them to sing a song, I was scared that it was heading into a completely different direction when you start off "unless she gets her twin sister"

[@matman329]

Great she guessed the monster's' hight, now if she can guess it's weight she could win a prize at the county fair

[@AgentofLADON]

Does it have to be numbers or can we just guess a fuckton?

[@henrygvidonas9573]

Zarkorr looks badass! _Somebody should put him in a movie..._

[@lipstickzombie4981]

I wouldn't mind seeing him featured in a videogame like GigaBash first to test the waters though.

[@iforgor8271]

@@lipstickzombie4981 wdym by “test the waters”?

[@TheKyrix82]

I do like the design

[@Axolotl_Mischief]

@@iforgor8271 well you know how when someone wants to put a giant monster in a movie, they need to make sure he's popular as a videogame character, first?

[@bentonmarcum8924]

​@@iforgor8271 he lives in. East Palestine

[@zachsmith1634]

14:04-14:12 I’m surprised you didn’t mention that it sounds like they used the T-Rex roar from Jurassic Park 🤣

[@SalusFuturistics]

4:53 "EVIL NEWS" made me laugh way harder than it should have.

[@DeepEye1994]

IKR it made me think of BET from The Boondocks. "Black EEEEEEEEEVIL Television!" and I read it with that voice lmfao

[@bluesman99999]

"Thanks Bimbo fairy." No, Brandon, thank you! I needed the laugh today!

[@freakyzed8467]

Any movie that has a giant pencil prop for a tiny person is Academy Awards material.

[@craigsewell8692]

"Why do you look like a mall tramp?" Best line in the movie

[@PWPH1984]

This whole movie feels like what would happen if you tried to make a 70's era giant monster movie and replaced the Kenny role with a fully grown adult.

[@Brian-qn7fn]

A new Brandon video makes any day great. Also, RIP Lemmy. Also, who in the hell is blocking a Zarkorr video?

[@JohnSuave]

*BLOCKED BY TOHO*

[@rubberwoody]

Zarkorr

[@CD-Gaming]

People with taste? So not those behind Power Rangers Mega Force then!

[@andrewmarsjr9879]

Me too tenold makes me laugh when my day is going bad and he makes it better

[@teedup8995]

​@@JohnSuaveLol!

[@patrickburns7811]

I love how you said "find out after this commercial break... i guess" and the video immediately went to a burger king commercial! 🤣

[@vustvaleo8068]

Zarkorr does look like an Ultraman monster-of-the-week, FOR A SINGLE EPISODE OF THE SHOW.

[@mrgodzillaraptors8632]

Don’t disrespect ultraman like that man, ultra kaiju look waaaay better

[@MD_Chaos]

That’s like most ultraman monsters though so not the win win statement

[@Dr.W.Krueger]

@@mrgodzillaraptors8632 you obviously never watched the early Ultraman shows. THAT was some low budget f*ckery.

[@mrgodzillaraptors8632]

@@Dr.W.Krueger at least their designs are charming and had some creativity. Now days the suits look pretty nice

[@timberry4709]

Brandon: "Find out after this commercial break... I guess." KZbin: "As you wish" and inserts a commercial

[@YeppohTube]

That Jon Arbuckle joke got me good.

[@ConstantineFurman]

Right? Solid ref.

[@michaelsinger4638]

“Someone whose last name is literally Pugh.” IDK Florence Pugh seems to be a pretty good actress.

[@robertodell9193]

And she's cute too!😁

[@benderbendingrodriguez420]

Literally first thing I thought lol! She's a fun personality with some good acting range. She was by far the only good part of that shitty Black Widow movie

[@matthewchandler7845]

13:43 Chef...from South Park...WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE???? Really why is Chef helping the local Sheriff; that part only makes sense in the South Park Halloween special....AHHAHA (>.

[@Dynaman21]

Charles Band tried, but I think at the end of the day, he knew as much about kaiju films as the people behind Tattooed Teenage Alien Fighters from Beverly Hills knew about tokusatsu.

[@victorhernandez8723]

That show is an embarrassment to super hero shows!

[@teedup8995]

At least the dark haired girl was hot! ❤

[@the-NightStar]

@@victorhernandez8723 I find it weird that nobody seems to understand that TTAFfBH was an intentional parody of Power Rangers and was trying to be bad and campy and terrible looking on purpose.

[@Dynaman21]

@@the-NightStar It was trying to be campy the same way The Room was a black comedy. That was what they had to do when Tsuburaya refused to give them Andro Melos footage and they had no money for anything.

[@TallSilentGuy]

This is one of those occasions where I say "Thank you for watching the movie, Brandon, so that we don't have to."

[@Mitzi_DelverVRC]

Speaking as a big fan of getting scammed out of my money, these Raycon sponsorships everyone's been doing sure have been the best!

[@mrcheesemunch]

They're actually pretty decent I got some for my birthday a couple years ago, still going strong and I seem to have weird shaped ears but they stay in fine I was not paid to say this God I wish I was, fucking pay me someone!

[@benderbendingrodriguez420]

My mom uses them & says their acc pretty decent. I have no idea if I can trust her opinion on that considering she can barely work her phone unless it's Facebook or KZbin lol

[@grapeshot]

Not just the 1990s there were a number incidents in the 1980s as well.

[@garrick3727]

The Zima reference really got me. That sh*t was everywhere.

[@megatronjenkins2473]

3:55 Tiny Teenage Mall Tramp🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 "WHOA!!!!! That's a great song title!"

[@MovieguruThe]

Everyone's waiting for Godzilla videos, and I'm sitting here silently waiting for Brandon to review "The Yongary Monster From The Deep"

[@lipstickzombie4981]

Bro, get in line. I'm waiting for that and The X From Outer Space to be featured to complete my kiddie Kaiju memory lane trip.

[@DankMothBoi]

I’m waiting for him to do Varan The Unbelievable

[@nicholaslienandjaja1815]

I'm waiting for him to review Garuda, Reptilicus, and The Giant Behemoth.

[@yourtimetraveleralara]

@@nicholaslienandjaja1815 yeah me too

[@yourtimetraveleralara]

Mine is reigo. Raiga. And raiga vs ohga! The movies are bad!

[@jonathanmulondo9206]

You know you're in for a good time when Brandon is reviewing a giant monster flick

[@Belgand]

Band really does seem to have a thing for tiny stuff. Even including the tiny alien girl in this one as a knock-off of the Mothra twins. If it turned out he had a shrinking fetish, I'm not sure I'd really be surprised.

[@pedrovallefin8406]

A shrinking fetish? How wold that even work?... You know what, im not sure i wanna know.

[@kingvulturo]

Zarkorr was always one of those films I kept meaning to watch as a kaiju film fan but after this, I feel like I dodged a 90's bullet.

[@androblade3009]

I got an add after the commercial break joke, lol 6:25

[@d1halberdgnoll963]

The part where the cop goes "Wait, I heard of this, what if he's right?" killed me. Also the hacker guy. Fun little movie.

[@ryandtibbetts2962]

When the mental projection of the tiny cut-rate valley girl is the most entertaining part of the movie...

[@ComicGladiator]

Looking at the tiny hot chick, I keep thinking of the Simpsons episode where Homer is Paul Bunyan, and he keeps asking Marge how her Yoga stretching is going...

[@majorgear1021]

Finally! Someone else comments on how hot she was.

[@bradleyr.6385]

She’s hot AF. What’s the actress name?

[@DankMothBoi]

I remember finding ‘Kraa! The Sea Monster” while scrolling through Amazon looking for cheesy giant monster movies and watched the trailer and thought it seemed boring. I might watch one day…

[@Sierlea]

That one's actually better. It's not *good*, human and monster scenes remain very disjointed, but the lead characters aren't as unpleasant and it has an Italian alien space clam.

[@nicholaslienandjaja1815]

Fun fact: The suit for Kraa was later reused as a monster of the week in an episode of Big Bad Beetleborgs.

[@moviedudexd5579]

@@nicholaslienandjaja1815 Another fun fact: The suit for Kraa ended being up used in a gay porn movie called Knaked Knights.

[@SlapstickGenius23]

@@moviedudexd5579 The Kraa suit seems really popular with low budget people.

[@glarryg2318]

"Postal workers were kind of like the grunge mass shooters." That is such a '90s thing to say in the 21st century. Well versed.

[@anadin0612]

Brandon Tenold. The Canadian King of Crap. The best film reviewer I know. Thank you good Sir.

[@andrewpytko4773]

He and Brad Jones should do a something together.

[@Sigismund697]

not until he defeats Mark from Wierd Movies in single combat

[@kellyrogers4492]

What an awesome birthday gift for me, Brandon! Thank you! You’re the best!🎉

[@SsnakeBite]

12:50 - "He also gives Tommy an Atari Lynx to take with. He doesn't want him to get bored on the plane, after all." - I'm afraid I've got some bad news regarding the Lynx's battery life, then.

[@marcgeorgestewart42]

A new episode of Brandon’s Cult Movie Reviews beats a bad day any day

[@midwestmonster9886]

"An alien being appeared to me this evening. And she told me that... that I have been chosen to defeat Zarkorr." You're right. This would have been a better movie if it was all in his head.

[@steveward6099]

I caught this on TUBI last year or to be more honest it caught me as it just automaticly started playing after RobotJox and I couldn't be bothered to find the remote. It staggers me how many of Bands films often have all the ingredients to make a fun cult movie; everyday slub protagonist, big stupid monster, cheap but charming effects yet its always an absolute bore.

[@nicolasgarant9124]

Even Puppet Master, the movie he's most known for is absolutely carried by its premise and effects, because the plot itself is soooo slow and boring.

[@S4ns]

Fun fact: 'Zarkorr the Invader' was what I used to call my junk back in high school.

[@rvfiasco]

Way more effective than "Mr. Wiggly."

[@alexlime3440]

You've introduced me to so many fun movies. Thanks for being you

[@wify0241]

6:26 “youll find out after this commercial break?” (Advert)

[@B1GF3RG]

This is the real prequel to the "Postal" games. Hell, this could be the Postal Dude himself!

[@train_go_boom2065]

Nah postal dude is cool

[@callanhutchison1871]

How did TOHO not sue the shit out of these guys for using the name Monster Island as their studio name?

[@MamaMOB]

Because a movie and a movie studio aren't the same thing.

[@MultiPolarWorldCo-op]

"I can't wait to see them recite the ABC's backwards in real time" Me - CBA... Nailed it.

[@justinsullivan1285]

" Or just find the back zipper and pull the suit actor out." Love those one liners Brandon.

[@comixproviderftw_02]

8:30 I thought it was just a one-off joke from Seinfeld because of how overwhelming Newman’s job at the Post Office was.

[@DylanYoung1998]

I love watching your videos and hearing you talk about renting giant monster movies when you were younger. That’s exactly how I got into Godzilla movies and staying up to catch the late showings on TV. This channel feels like my childhood, and you’re a pretty cool dude. Metal heads forever🤘🏽

[@heresyinsider]

Hey Brandon. Was a subscriber back on the old channel that got deleted and was even a friend on Google plus when that was a fucking thing. It's always good to see when you upload a review of an unhinged movie. Keep it up bud.

[@paramutpenparkgoon7238]

so when will you do other thai movie? I have some movie you might like "ยักษ์วัดแจ้ง พบ จัมโบ้เอ (2517)"

[@nathanielschwartz425]

6:20 Brandon: Um, find out after this commercial break… I guess. KZbin: (plays ad). The timing of that ad break was PERFECT! 👌😂. (For once)

[@seanboggs215]

Holy crap, i never thought I'd hear about this movie again, it was a rental store curiosity of mine back in the day. Great stuff, Brandon, i got more entertainment out of your review than the movie itself! Like WAY more! XD

[@cthulhupthagn5771]

As a fan of Charles Band, If I had to guess I would say that the monster footage in this movie was done as a proof of concept by somebody he partnered with, and He started filming before he could find out if the person was able to actually deliver more footage. This would kind of track if you have paid attention to his recent activity, there was a movie he put out called giantess attack. The movie was actually done as a indie project by a fan of the general who had it crowd funded along with a sequel that I keep seeing advertisements for but apparently never materialized. Charles band distributed that film, then hired him to do the special effects for attack of the fifty foot cam girl, which did well enough to net a sequel That has been criticized for much of what you say about Zarkorr. He is also going to release the Giantess Attack sequel and it looks like a 3rd is on the horizon. For what it's worth the actresses involved in all of these films seem to really enjoy their part in them and working with him so good for them I. Actually bought the 2 films that are out because I wanted to see the bonus features. , haven't watched them yet but considering most of what you show on this than the average film. I like to watch I don't think I'll be disappointed

[@Deephouse_Gent66]

"Oh, that's a relief. Tommy was thinking that just 'HIS' life had no meaning." Dude, this is rare form. Funny thing was, I've always been curious about this movie and KRAA, but obviously not curious enough to see if there's a free version of them on youtube. Now, thanks to this video, I don't need to sit thru either movie. Great content!

[@grapeshot]

Oh yeah I am getting a Power Ranger like cheesy feeling to this film.

[@neonnwave1]

Fun Fact: 'Shining Time Station' is unknown to Americans. It's a Canadian show. Yes, I know it's Thomas the Tank Engine (I grew up with the show myself), but I don't know why the name change. Maybe a rights issue.

[@otaking3582]

2:48 Always appreciate a Shining Time Station reference

[@kingtanichi]

When you next update your Bottom 10 Movies list, Starcrash 2 and War of the Robots are going to have some stiff competition! This was one of the most agonizingly painful movies I've ever sat through! It makes Things look like a legitimately good movie!

[@GNAWalker1992]

Coming soon to Brandon’s Cult Movie Reviews: Kraa the Sea Monster. I can’t wait until he tears up Godzilla’s revenge aka All Monsters Attack.

[@nicholaslienandjaja1815]

Would like to see him review Pulgasari as well.

[@krombopulousmichael5251]

I cant believe there were no slo-mo shots to pad the run time even more

[@AikisDominator]

Oh boy, flood of memories just rushed back into my mind, I watched that movie when I was a kid.

[@MegaZeo]

"You know you're in trouble when the movie stars someone whose last name is literally Pugh." Hey! Florence Pugh takes offense at that. 😛

[@savedbythebelldeepdives]

On one hand: It's good to know this exists? On the other hand: Brandon's review is the only way I'm going to see any of it.

[@Blindgenxgamer]

Lol. I remember the whole postal worker thing from the 90s. Phew, the 90s...make me miss the 80s

[@euansmith3699]

How much more 90s could this be? Zarcore U Know The Score. Nice Hawkwind t-shirt.

[@DefConprime28]

@7:46 who else immediately thought of Sinbad from jingle all the way in that radio station scene where he says I'm a post tow worker and this is a bomb in a present

[@mitchmitchell326]

Please review Beyond the Valley of the Dolls. I saw this years back and got a kick out of its bizarreness. Then a couple of days ago, I saw the last bit of it at my buddy's house and then I thought about you reviewing this.

[@SwiftNimblefoot]

10:02 - So it is like the 2014 Godzilla, then, just show the attack via a radio or TV then cut away.

[@oobrocks]

I love the woman in the back seat…just kept rolling her eyes 😅

[@danielross5292]

Interesting that Tiny lady character looks like Those Japanese Two Tiny Fairy's from that Mothra movie's Dude?🤔

[@anamericancelt6534]

I remember seeing this on tv when I was a kid. Never knew the name. Tried to look it up a few years ago but google didn't understand "man kills monster with a reflective shield".

[@thegnarledpirate9198]

The movie's lighting is so out there I discovered Zarkorr was red in the making of.

[@slyane7320]

Love Brandon's tee-shirt Hawkwind....Lemmy's og band! Brandon has ALOT of great shirts...lol!!

[@thegeneralmitch]

@4:24 "you are exactly in the center" oh so like the guy in Idiocracy, I can see the resemblance. xD

[@dirkbonesteel]

Lemmy + naked woman, and guitars = Hawkwind

[@bensneb360]

I do love a giant monster with big horns, the bigger the better in my book

[@henrykujawa4427]

I really like "BAD CHANNELS". My nick-name for the film is "WKRP Invaded by Space Aliens". And Martha Quinn was so cute back then!

[@synthetics_music]

That's really saying something when the best thing about this movie is at the end credits 😂 Thanks for posting this Brandon, made my day !

[@wolfmanwarman]

I had been trying to find this movie for years now! All I could remember was the laser beams and the shield at the end! Thanks Brandon!

[@mr.pavone9719]

8:45 reminds me of a joke... Q: What's it mean when you see the flag at half mast in front of the post office? A: They're hiring.

[@annnichols3091]

Back in the day there was either a mug or a cartoon going around with a smiling postman image from the 1950s or 60s. IIRC, it read, I'm a postal worker and I'm disgruntled.

[@mileshill7196]

Oh man KRAA: The Sea Monster was such a ridiculous disaster lmao

[@Masterofsome01]

Look out, it's Zarkorr! The Imitator, uh I mean Invader

[@johnhanover2229]

Helium Princess telling Postal Boy he has to kill the Lizard Minotaur.

[@LesTua]

Zakorr can't be harmed by conventional weapons... He must be related to Keith Richards... 🤣

[@victorhernandez8723]

I first heard of this Charles Band Godzilla knock-off from the Angry Video Game Nerd.

[@josefgordon7712]

You’re a classic brother. I’m glad you’ve been around as long as you have been and kept up giving us great content 👍

[@GoGojiraGo]

Zarkorr looks like Red from The Legend of Spyro. And he stole Rexy's roar.

[@nicholaslienandjaja1815]

Also, he looks like a hybrid of Gomora and Arstron.

[@Teamo86]

ZARKORR! THE INVADER When an ordinary man takes an immovable object to do an almost dangerous thing.

[@Party_Doll]

My favorite scene in this movie was...your awesome Hawkwind shirt!

[@Beardo2517]

Have you ever thought about reviewing Pulgasari? It has a very interesting production story with the director being kidnapped

[@SlapstickGenius23]

Yup, the NK retelling of a lost South Korean film based on a folktale.

[@KotoKiminama]

I watched this a couple of years ago and loved it at first, but it quickly went down the drain. lol I still love how that girl says “sword.” 😂

[@johnrust592]

I vaguely remember seeing this movie. Apparently, it was so bad I buried it in my subconscious, and watching your review of it brought it back to the forefront of my brain. Yeah, thanks for that!

[@Humongous420]

😂 Who remembers the game POSTAL? The 90's were frign awesome

[@rgd963]

I enjoyed playing the video game "Going Postal" 😂

[@HydraSpectre1138]

The first game was great as a sort of spiritual predecessor to Hotline Miami. The second and fourth games are great open world FPS games with tiny hints of a Metroidvania and immersive sim.

[@everfreebrumby8385]

The Simpsons has a joke where Flanders dreams of shooting random people & the postal worker is the only 1 who fights back.

[@victorhernandez8723]

Looking forward to you reviewing “Kraa! The Sea Monster”.