Buffy Gets Therapized with Jonathan Decker

[@matthewlogangreen483]

One of the more overlooked moments is when Buffy tells the lady on the phone "she's cold" and the lady replies with "the body?" and Buffy doesn't understand and just replies with "no, my mom". It punches me in the guts every single time.

[@HonorWillow]

and then she calls Joyce "the body" to Giles and looks mortified at herself. It's all so clever and heartwrenching

[@yayazow]

Like when she had a glimpse of what if her mom was saved ! I don't know why it kills me everytime, you can feel what Buffy feel at the moment

[@robnowaczewski5351]

I think that one of the greatest lines ever written is Tara's: "It's always sudden." When my mom died, we had to make the decision to turn off her life support. And it ended so fast. I mean, it was just so fast, I wasn't expecting it. I actually asked the doctor for her stethoscope because I had to know for sure there wasn't a heartbeat - that maybe she'd missed something. I had to know that. So yes, even when you think you know what's going to happen, "It's always sudden".

[@sathvamp1]

​@@yayazow Yes omg THAT scene(s) - the imagined scenes of what it would be like if her mom were saved... was extremely painful the first time I saw it because (with different situations) I know what that's like- imagining something hopeful but then snapping back to reality...

[@IDyce88]

when people go through tramautic situations like the death of a parent then they have to go through the stages of processing the death...acceptance is the last stage and neither Buffy nor Dawn accept it fully in this episode. that doesn't happen until after Dawn tries to bring Joyce back.

[@princesskatarina351]

When Buffy says "Mommy." THAT is what hits me in the feels, the hardest. Suddenly, this vampire-slaying bad*** woman becomes a scared little child. It is such a real moment, and well acted by Sarah.

[@petrinafilip96]

And when she says "the body" for the first time is just...terrible. You can see the realization on her face.

[@busu34]

The other part from that part of the episode that gets me is when Giles comes in and she yells that they said to not touch "the body" and she looks horrified that she now said the body instead of her mom.

[@IDyce88]

well after this buffy started going off the rails quite a bit...i think this was why.

[@micheles.1179]

Always feel the same watching it even when I know it’s coming. Also the way she talks to the 911 dispatcher you can tell for the first time she’s terrified and doesn’t know what to do. Most powerful piece I’ve seen on TV ever if anyone has objections I would love to hear them. This episode literally has its own legacy people who never watched Buffy watch this episode and it resonates on so many levels. Honestly it’s more like a short film than a tv episode.

[@ange76prkr]

A tear jerking moment for sure

[@katietoole8345]

Not having music in this episode is one of the most brilliant directorial choices ever. And Anya's speech made me cry AGAIN.

[@demancheedouard2144]

"we're not supposed to move the body" is the most violent heart breaking moment by far

[@SmallFaerie]

Yes, that always gets to me. Buffy's reaction to calling her mom "the body" is heartbreaking. She already knows that Joyce is dead but in some sense the dehumanisation of referring to her as "the body" makes it even more real and more horrible for her.

[@eileensnow6153]

That juxtaposed with “She’s cold” “the body?” “No, my mom!” is really gut wrenching

[@misterspaceman9563]

It's the exact moment she realizes her mom is really dead. It's horrible to watch

[@lessismore8533]

@@misterspaceman9563so traumatizing..

[@acidsupernova]

One of my favorite moments is when Buffy and Tara talk. Tara mentions that she's experienced this before because she'd also lost her mom. Buffy asks if it was sudden. Tara says, "no...and yes. It's always sudden." I lost my dad the slow way. Even when you know it's coming, it's always sudden.

[@jessi1371]

So true 😢

[@madisonwhovian943]

Gosh, I miss Tara.

[@MidnightSonnet]

Same with my dad. He died of ALS slowly for 4 years. I was a kid, so I didn't know how to handle the fact that he was dying and nothing could be done about it.

[@brittanybarthel1410]

It definitely and absolutely is. And Anya put it perfectly as well.

[@Serenity113]

That's how it was when my mom died from cancer. We knew she wasn't going to beat it this time, she was in hospice, she had made preparations and told us her wishes. So we knew but it was still sudden.

[@LittleHobbit13]

The "interesting choice" to go silent when telling Dawn the news....the lead into the scene is Dawn's class working with negative space, focusing on what's NOT there. You get to see Dawn hearing the news without _you_ hearing it, negative space. It's symbolic of how Joyce is also now negative space in their lives, a hole where something should be. Add it to the pan over to Dawn's art which is, calling back to the episode title, just a body.

[@PhantomStella]

It's so well shot

[@jellyrcw12]

Very insightful!

[@drmayeda1930]

Buffy should have tried to take Dawn to her office or borrow one. The teacher wouldn't challenge her because Buffy is school staff.

[@beckymurphy4714]

@@drmayeda1930 Not yet - she's not a counselor until Season Seven.

[@LittleHobbit13]

@@drmayeda1930 Buffy was still in college during Season 5.

[@QueenMegaera]

I have yet to watch Anya's monologue without breaking down into ugly-crying. It's so full of grief and sorrow and anger at the universe and just complete bewilderment and the need to focus on practical details because nothing else makes sense. It's so, so relatable.

[@LaineyBug2020]

Ya, that always gets me too!

[@leticiacampos1044]

Yup. I cry every time.

[@cherilynlarsen8104]

I completely agree! So beautifully written and acted.

[@looneypengu]

It's a bit like a child trying to understand and come to terms with mortality and death but none of the adults are taking the time to explain it to her.

[@purcascade]

Even if I haven't cried yet, Anya *destroys* me.

[@Hiiiiiiiiieeee]

Sarahs delivery of the word "Mommy" sends me into a deep, dark place. Its so helpless and full of realization. This show was and still is an incredible piece of art.

[@ontarianitch]

Definitely a callback to her soap days. And her versatility.

[@petrosinella]

@@ontarianitch Off topic, but in All My Children, she did an incredible job playing a villain. Loved watching her. Like you said, she has versatility.

[@SylviusTheMad]

Anya's speech always resonates with me when she says she doesn't understand and no one will explain. As an autistic person, this is my experience with basically all human interaction. The show nailed how that feels. What's happening seems to make sense to everyone but you, and it's like they're all speaking in a code even they don't understand, which is why they can't explain it. It's infuriating, and it's scary, and it's lonely. And that's exactly what I see in Anya's monologue.

[@Arkylie]

It's not just that they can't explain it, it's that they also get upset at you for not understanding it the same way *they* understand it. Very few people are able/willing to be patient and understanding if someone doesn't grasp the "intuitive" side of human behavior. My life has been a history of only finding out that boundaries are there when someone's already mad at me for crossing them, and they think that I should've already known the boundary was there. I really resonate with Anya.

[@harpieahouse6246]

Yes, I related hard to this too, as an autistic person. We look for the logical explanation and practical next steps, even though we do feel the emotions, too.

[@tracyleesmith781]

Wow. ❤❤❤❤ I totally agree with u. Perfect way to nail it.

[@amywebb4586]

My mother died when I was a kid. And you are right... the adults want to speak in a "code" and can't answer basic questions from someone who might be struggling to understand. Maybe that's why it's my favorite scene is because I was 11 when my mother died. I understood she was dead, that she wasn't coming back. But I still didn't understand. If that makes sense.

[@Kiss_My_Aspergers]

Same!

[@bastioncory6740]

Just to let you know that Buffy didn't clean up spilt water, but she actually vomited from shock. Great video

[@roxanelvgsch]

Exactly!

[@lessismore8533]

Dang. The brain is so strong..

[@lyonsdenprojects2200]

No matter how many times I watch this episode or how many years after, this episode makes me sob everytime. Thank you for sharing your story too, Jonathan.

[@MendedLight]

Thank you. We all need to be real. We all have feelings and experiences, and by sharing them it helps others relate, connect, and heal.

[@stevenr6397]

@@MendedLight I dont know how much you looked into the episodes production but it is very much based on Joss Wheaton own experiences as he lost his mother to a brain aneurysm

[@NoThankUBeQuiet]

Honestly it doesn't hit me like it used to. It hits me in different places now. Anya for example used to be upsetting but now it's willow that hits hardest

[@austinwalker240]

@@NoThankUBeQuiet I’m rewatching the show right now, and I just got through this episode. I remembered that her mother died but nothing else. Anya’s speech about not understanding why was the one that actually made me cry watching it this time.

[@Elisiande]

Just the title makes me tear up but….. thanks, J.

[@louisejohnson6057]

I found my dad when I was about 10 years older than Buffy. The way they captured the smaller details that got me. The strange quality of the light in the kitchen when Buffy opens the kitchen door. The completely bizarre fact that close enough for Buffy to hear, children continue to play, as if they are somehow unaware that everything is different now. Even 30 years after losing my dad, and 29 years after losing my mum, this episode makes me cry. Every single time. I'm a 60 year old woman, and I can say that Buffy, is my favourite show ever.

[@santos8468]

Your mom died a year after your dad died?

[@Hannah-ne7qz]

Wow. I also found my dad at the same age as you and this is so spot on. I remember running to the front yard to look for the ambulance and hearing children playing. I threw up in the yard. All I could think was everyone else is going on about their day and I am in a nightmare. My worst nightmare. This episode felt like watching my life on screen. I watched it in high school not knowing that it would be my future one day

[@ImBigDave79]

An interesting choice that the creators of the show went for was the absence of music and background sound. They wanted the audience to feel that it was real and make the silence uncomfortable and awkward like it can be when someone dies. Sometimes sad music in the background makes it less painful by suggesting that certain moments are when its ok to cry etc. This definitely ranks high in my top episodes of Buffy for that reason....its truthful and heartfelt

[@hazeltifiaeh6196]

I'm glad you pointed that out in the comments. The entire episode is a amazing and all those part he pointed out were very impactful. But the lact of music really hit hard and brought its own tone to the whole thing. Sadly I don't think too many people notice cause they are too busy crying.

[@bfdidc6604]

The bit where she opens the door and you hear wind chimes and children outside playing was well done. Her life is spinning out of control but just outside the world is going on as usual.

[@divinesolstice3744]

its such a long take too. just camera and actress pacing the house, its amazing.

[@raggarbergman]

True. And even if we (of what we know) doesn't have vampires in our real world, the vampire attack was brillinat in that way it showed that even if your world just collapsed as in the case of Buffy and Dawn, the rest of the world keep spinning. Not even the supernatural world takes a break to honor their loss.

[@chamab.6800]

The absence of music and the beginning theme made it so much more poignant. When Buffy opened the door and you could hear little sounds of outside, it sounded almost a bit off. That really hit home for me because I’ve had that happen. I remember my head feeling hot and like I had selective hearing. They really did such an excellent job with this episode. It still makes me cry to this day.

[@nephtys369]

Her helplessness was an important aspect of this episode. She literally saves the world, regularly. But no one is powerful enough to undo death. She lost her rock, and with all of her powers, she cannot do anything. She’s completely helpless in this episode.

[@nutbastard]

Technically Willow is (or becomes) powerful enough to undo death. She brings Buffy back from death. But apparently the rules in this universe are that it can only happen in the case of supernatural death, not human or naturally caused death. But you are right that Buffy is helpless. Dawn later does a spell to bring Joyce back, but it's very much a Pet Semetary situation where it's not really her.

[@locomadman]

@@nutbastard We don’t get to find out how Dawn’s spell turned out, it’s only implied that she did come back wrong. That was done purposefully as to raise the question, “What if this time the spell worked the way it was supposed to?” 🤔

[@IsabelOEM]

"There's just a body, and I don't understand why she just can't get back in it." is a line that really hits home for me. I saw my father's body after he passed away, and I almost vomited. Not out of digust, but because of the realization that his body was there, but he was gone. It was too much for my whole being to process.

[@ssansu]

Yes, that absence is unmistakable.

[@tzimiable]

I somewhat panicked when I got the message about my first grandpa dying, but when I saw his body....it helped me. It was the first dead body I ever saw, and I honestly didnt know how I would react. I was so stressed out before, but when I saw it, I immediately calmed down. That absence just cemented it for me. Whatever was left was missing an essential part, whatever he was, was gone. Its a strange thing looking at something so familiar and so alien at the same time. I've always thought about death a lot, and it doesnt really scare me, but experiencing a dead body made me familiar with it. When my second grandpa died, I also got to see his body, and it was exactly the same. A familiar but alien shell.

[@calistusjay60]

Buffy has some of the best psychology accurate characters in fiction. They really react to life’s traumas like we do.

[@kalebx445]

every time i watched this right when she says "we're not supposed to touch the body!" and her then realizing what she is actually saying tears me up so fucking much

[@bambicrandi]

That’s when the shock finally broke into realization. When my brother committed suicide my whole family broke down and I kept it together (calling the police, taking care of my nieces, making sure my mom was okay). When I finally had a moment to myself, I looked out the window and saw someone walking around. I immediately thought it was my brother, and then that’s when everything clicked. My mom walked in on me bawling, and held me.

[@kalebx445]

@@bambicrandi omg im so sorry for your loss,

[@Firedoomcaster]

My Husband rarely cries at anything, but Anya’s reaction is something he can never get through. It affects him so profoundly because to him this directly relates to how his autism makes him think in regards to a loved one dying. So yeah, we watched this together for the first time during lockdown and I was gone from the moment the rib cracked. He was in shock but Anya’s speech broke him and we just had to stop the show and cuddle and cry together for an hour.

[@jasperkanes8522]

I wanted to bring this up too. Anya is strongly autism-coded, and lest we attribute all her quirks to her veangence days there is an episode with flashbacks of her as a human before she became a demon and she was exactly the same then. I'm also autistic and Anya is by far the most relatable character to me that I've seen on TV. And yes, her reaction is what really gets me in this episode.

[@amcdo224]

The shock when Buffy realises she called her mum 'the body' always hits like a truck. The whole episode is superb from direction to writing to acting to sound design... everyone came to work that day and it's obvious on every rewatch.

[@littlemissmello]

What I love the most still is that this grief was carried on throughout the show. The show's best part was being able to follow through on plot choices; nothing was ever just to write _something_ but alwasy had consequences for the characters. When Buffy's mum died, it wasn't just a one or two episode story where this is a big deal (accompanied with the nostalgic half smile when they reminisce her in the season finale - like so many other shows handle death in their show) but it was a big deal the episode after, and after that and after that, where Buffy had to deal with being alone and not having anyone to rely on and feeling like she failed and feeling helpless. Buffy is one of my favourite shows (if not my absolute favourite) of all time. It's SO well written!

[@littlemissmello]

and also, I really appreciate how the show emphasized that life doesn't wait, it just moves on. They'll get a ticket for double parking, birds are singing as if tragedy hasn't just struck, and a vampire attacks while Dawn is trying to face her dead mother's body; life just goes on and doesn't care that you're going through the most terrible moments of your life

[@Wednesdaywoe1975]

You nailed it. Later in the season Buffy falls asleep and dreams briefly that Joyce is there. Because of course she does.

[@Bethgael]

Yes. I have a lot of issues with Buffy as a series, but the "pick up and forget the past" thing is not one. The ripples of Joyce's death continue all the way to the end of the series--in particular, even, with Dawn's behaviour (there is a theory that while Joyce's death was "of natural causes" it wasn't, really, because all of her brain had to be "rewritten" to let Dawn exists seamlessly and that this is what ultimately caused her tumour, and that Dawn comes to believe she was the cause of her mother's death. I tend to agree with this theory). With the exception of storylines that were added because JW got peeved with certain actors which is where you can see characters acting like... not them (eg, Giles), the series handles the longer term issues very well: poverty, debt, tumult that happens in relationships that were held together by the person that died, as examples.

[@BlueChronoBlade]

@@Bethgael I read some Buffy fanfiction where the theory is the brain damage's origins are from when Faith punched Joyce in the head before or after switching bodies with Buffy. Has anyone ever asked Joss Whedon in an interview what the canon cause of her brain tumor is from? Of course in real life sometimes brain tumors just develop randomly on their own with a random chance mutation of a few cells that go out of control, for all we know the same thing happened here.

[@JSanime]

I've watched the entire series countless times and this episode still kills me. Also, who else cried just watching these clips. 🙋

[@L0v3iswar89]

Meeee because I always do

[@sathvamp1]

I did cry just watching these clips yes, AND that's saying something, given the fact I rarely cry to anything. It was Anya's response that got me tearing right here watching this video... and I've seen this full episode at least twice already on TV. And I usually don't cry to re-watches of anything (and like I said, my crying to videos is rare enough as it is). I guess there are indeed exceptions.

[@toaster4693]

I wasn't expecting to start crying while randomly browsing youtube, but here I am.

[@dansegelov305]

Joss Whedon spoke quite a bit about this episode and the one word that stuck in my head was 'boredom.' When something like this happens to you, there are parts of the experience that are obvious to all and have been played out in a million movies and tv shows, but what nobody showed before is that, on the day it happens, there is a whole bunch out just waiting around. We see it with buffy at the house before she goes to speak to dawn. And we see it with her friends at willows dorm. Then later, at the morgue. Nothing to do except stand around and wait, stewing in your shock and emotions. Maybe it's an inbuilt thing in our brains where we are subconsciously desperate for something to 'distract' us from what has happened?

[@plumdutchess]

When I was in high school, we got the news one morning that one of our friends was killed by her father. Everyone who had been close to her gathered in this classroom and we just sat there the entire day. We didn't do anything specific, we talked a bit, but we mostly just sat around. At one point, late in the afternoon, I selfishly wondered when we'd go home. No one had left. It felt like there would just be no end to just sitting there. It's a strange place to be.

[@targetedandfiring4336]

​@@plumdutchess when my best friend died in a skydiving accident shortly after high school. A lot of the time immediately after the incident was just us sitting in a room. Quiet. Talking here and there. Confused about everything. No crying. No outpour of emotions. Just quiet stillness in a room. Maybe we weren't ready to express out emotions at that time. I had been under the impression I was going to a college send off party and was excited to rush on over and hang out with friends. I was greeted by a family member of one of my friends having a panic attack outside (they had all jumped together with their instructors - realistically it could have been any one of them who didn't come home that day), and a still and silent room - where my closest friends sat and explained the situation to me. I thought it was a prank. We were a funny group. I kept waiting for someone to say "HAHA WE GOT YOU" and for the room to start laughing. I didn't believe it when his mom pulled up to the house without him. He had a brother, maybe he was giving him a ride? I didn't believe when his girlfriend showed up in tears. I was just silent and confused, and shocked. It wasn't until I was back home that the gravity of the situation hit me and I finally just started crying and crying and crying. My mom crawled into bed with me and held me and cried with me. In the morning, when I met up with a few of my friends, I just wept harder. And we hugged and we cried and we tried to distract ourselves but it just felt so wrong. Like all the joy in the world had been sucked out of me and attempts to bring happiness and joy back would fill me with such resounding guilt that echoed around and ate up at my insides for daring to try to be happy. I wanted my friend back and all the happiness in the world could rot in those moments if It meant I could go back two days and beg him not to go. My life felt so pointless and just spiraled into a renewed depressive episode that lasted four years. I tried therapy that was largely unsuccessful with the therapists I would meet with. Every session just felt like a session to cry in. It felt like a pity party for me. Eventually I was able to get my life back on track for the most part but I think his death has de-sensitized me. When Grandma died due to COVID in 2020 I felt...nothing. It was scary but I genuinely was so apathetic to the situation. I hugged grandma on her death bed and she whispered a few last motes of wisdom and even with my mom crying her heart out besides her - I felt nothing. I couldn't be there for mom when grandma passed like she was for me when my best friend passed and I feel extremely guilty about it to this day. I think in the future I will reach out to a therapist again to see they could provide better insight into why I've become so apathetic towards death recently.

[@calladricosplays]

Same thing with evacuations and other disasters. A whole lotta watching the news, waiting

[@candidwings5609]

I remember when my uncle died, my sister and I were some of the first people at the hospital. My aunt and cousins were a mess and getting support from our mom and grandma and there was nothing else for us to do to help them so my sister and I spent the next 4 hours outside the family grieving space just telling friends and extended family as they arrived that he hadn't made it. Then they could process before seeing the immediate family and it kept my aunt and cousins from having to get the "how is he doing?" questions over and over.

[@echognomecal6742]

I think sometimes we have to just "be" with the people that surrounded that person. We're social creatures, even the introverts like myself. We crave that silent connection. Also, it can be darn awkward...a.k.a. the place where silence reigns. Sometimes, when something hits us quite hard, perhaps it can over-extend or over-wind (or whatever metaphor you like...) our emotions & for the next thing(s) we're set to automatic. My mother & I were in the room when my maternal grandmother passed. One thing about her was that she was very tidy. I joke that she possessed me bc I immediately started straightening up the hospital room lol Sincere condolences for the losses shared here. Wishing you happy memories.

[@TheBlaueKartoffel]

Just those few scenes made me cry like a Baby. Buffy is a great show. Just one correction: Anya didn't end her demon life on free will for Xander. She was forced and fell for him after... I think that's importend for her character.

[@ScientificallyStupid]

I always cry particularly hard for Dawn's scenes. She is still a child and still relatively carefree in the moments before Buffy tells her- taking art class, joking and flirting with the cute boy- all those trivial things. And in that next moment, nothing is the same for her.

[@Nicamon]

True.She actually _became a demon again_ because of Xander...because he left her at the altar,if I remember correctly.

[@ankyfire]

Came here to write that! It wasn’t that trope that she gave up her immortality for love. She lost her demonhood because buffy beat her! Also. Anya was human, originally, so she definitely lost people before.

[@s_shaleh]

Yup. Then she became a demon again because he hurt her, but chose to remain good because her time as a human with the Scooby gang had changed her. Ultimately she became mortal again and died fighting alongside the gang in the final battle. It was bittersweet that she and Spike (although he was resurrected later in the Angel series), who started out as villains on the show died honourably fighting on the side of good in the series finale.

[@taif21981]

Came across this video. Said to myself "this seems interesting. I like Buffy. I like learning." Now I'm sobbing over Buffy and his mother. I am not ok.

[@MendedLight]

I'm sorry to have done that to you!

[@DigiDestined558]

​@@MendedLight I'm a big fan, but I'm sorry about your loss. No matter when it was. 😢

[@betsyann592]

I found my twin sister dead when we were 14 years old (25 years ago). She died of a brain tumor after 15 brain surgeries, is the very short story. I can now say that it is a heart wrenching, incredibly traumatic story (made for TV movie kind of thing). Two years ago, I met with a trauma counselor for a few months and did EMDR to address PTSD from all that had happened surrounding her death and the guilt I felt. There had been some amazing layers of healing until then, but I had no idea this kind of healing was possible. I am so grateful.

[@krystynaoldakovska2233]

❤️ Gosh can't even imagine your pain and you state of mind!!! Hope with EMDR it will getting better and better!!!

[@SouthCountyGal]

I'm sorry for your loss and anguish, and glad that you found a way to heal.

[@ThisIsMeMorgan]

I’m 25 and I’m “young” to be a buffy fan. I barely know anyone my age who loves this show like I do, or have even seen it. Many people laugh when I say this is my favorite show, because they don’t understand how amazing it is. Thank you for showing how impactful the story is.

[@gizemkaraca5by5]

I just turned 24 this month and Buffy is a huge part of my life! I’ve seen all seasons at least 9 times and some episodes more than 12, made all of my exes and close friends watch it, named my dog Buffy, my brother has a tattoo related to the show and I am planning to get one too 😂

[@dimael657]

This scene is so powerful, so realistic and sad… Sarah Michelle Gellar bring everything in it, amazing underrated actress

[@gollygaloshes]

I've heard 'The Body' described as one of the best episodes of tv that you never want to watch again. It's so well done and the more I go through life and experience grief in different ways the rawer and harder to watch it is.

[@stefanlaskowski6660]

I cry every time I watch this episode.

[@robinterrel1802]

Sarah Michelle Gellar’s performance in this episode is just mind-blowing. All of the cast do an outstanding job but her reactions are so visceral, it’s physically painful to watch. The first time I saw this episode as a preteen I immediately ran sobbing to my mom’s room to hold onto her for dear life because I felt Buffy’s pain.

[@charmingjinx9379]

I think Anya's reaction is very much as a child would react the first time someone they know dies. They don't know what to expect with the formalities of what to do, where to go, what to say - and all that scares them. They haven't thought about death so the reality of such finality is something they have an especially difficult time grasping, they're angry and fearful and spinning. Whereas as an adult, you're likely to have dealt with the death of someone, so you kind of go through the motions of funerals and formality. It can put off the "dealing" in the moment as a child would do.

[@Trikeboy2]

People complained they put a vampire in this episode, but it is yet another reality of death. Even though your world has crumbled around you, life continues for everyone else, and you can't escape what you have to do. When I got the phone call my cousin died in a motorcycle accident, I was walking home from the supermarket, on a busy street. As I learned that, everyone around me continued with their day and I eventually had to get home to put away my groceries.

[@xgrahamsmith]

I love the fact that there was no music. Every episode has sound accompaniment, the fact that this doesn’t is so jarring.

[@somethingclever8916]

buffy psychoanalyzing could be a its own you tube channel. the show had so much depth I swear season 6 (which has division in the fandom) is an allegory that we can be own worst enemies and the struggle to having to take accountability and responsibility for their own actions. Buffy is struggling with survival guilt and 20something life crisis and having a self destructive relationship, Willow dealing with addiction, Xander and anya were rushing into a commitment neither was ready for, Giles, Dawn and Spike dealing with where do I belong and what should I do with my life. Nearly character makes huge mistakes and trying to be accountable and how to do that, when nearly all their issues could be blamed on others

[@TheForgottenMyth]

Have you heard of Passion of the Nerd, a channel dedicated solely to psychoanalyzing Buffy and Angel as shows?

[@truetnt]

It IS a KZbin channel! It’s really well done too! (and I didn’t want anyone messing with the Buffyverse) Ian does a great job at illustrating the brilliant and subtle ways Buffy shows us the inevitable changes of growing up. *And his love for the show is obvious and respectful🖖

[@heathern8043]

there is a KZbin channel called ‘Passion of the Nerd’ and he goes through every episode, I don’t think he’s finished all the seasons yet but he’s close

[@WaxKestral89]

It kind of already is a channel, Passion of the Nerd does episode by episode break downs of Buffy, Angel and Firefly.

[@Vercanya]

Have you checked out the channel Passion of the Nerd? He explores many themes and emotions explored in the show, and it's effects on the audience.

[@MuricaTurkey]

I was 13 when my grandma died. It was the 1st death of someone I knew well, when I was old enough to understand what was happening. I reacted by shutting down. I didn't cry for awhile. I found it all so scary and overwhelming. My aunt didn't like that. She yelled at me in front of everyone that I was a heartless person who obviously hated my grandmother, because I didn't cry loudly and publicly. I'm now 40 and what she said to me still upsets me. I still don't trust her. I wish people would be more understanding about different ways of grieving, especially with children.

[@xalanii]

I had the same reaction when my parents told me that my sister had died. I didn't process it for weeks, I was just numb. My mother said I was a monster for not caring....still feel that

[@bengisuakipek775]

It's a horrible thing to do, I am sorry that they treated you this way. They should have supported you, not judge you.

[@kateealer7]

I'm mostly Irish Catholic on one side and mostly German Catholic on the other (both have Irish and German heritage, but one more than the other). When my Aunt on my mostly German American side passed away, I was asked to "say a few words" at her funeral. When I said "sure thing" I did not know this meant give the eulogy. Having more Irish American in me than German, I filled it with light hearted memories and jokes and was surprised when no one laughed because the last Catholic funeral I had been to was for the mostly Irish side and jokes were welcome. The stoic mostly German Americans came up to me after the Mass and told me how funny the eulogy was. I said, "yeah, that was the point. Why didn't anyone laugh?!" People just as people, and culturally, grieve in different ways.

[@legolasgrunblatt3409]

I am German, and this is a sad and also funny story. Jokes on a German funeral. Omg. The biggest cultural mistake possible. Don't take this wrong, but Monthy pythons couldn't do it better.

[@ghouling1111]

Jonathan I think you would love 'Passion of the nerd' show break down. He really explores the episodes on a human level. (also- 4:54 She didnt spill water- she vomited from the intense emotion, I've experienced this. ) Thank you for sharing your story

[@thomasdendtler4077]

Passion of the Nerd is phenomenal!

[@BladeX11883]

omg yes passion of the nerd is great analytics of buffy its so well done

[@WaywardAce420]

Love Ian’s videos. He hasn’t gotten to The Body, but it’s just a few episodes away. I’m definitely looking forward to his analysis.

[@MsArtivisual]

Yes! Highly recommend PotN's analyses (on this episode in particular, but a couple of other ones as well. The one on Restless is a masterpiece)

[@truetnt]

Thanks for letting him know about the water thing. For some reason that missed detail really, really bothered me. Perhaps because like you, I’ve experience? (And POTN is pretty amazing with his Buffy breakdowns - nice suggestion! )🖖

[@sketchygetchey8299]

A couple of things: 1. I’m now realizing how realistic and well made this episode was. 2. This happened a couple years ago with my late grandmother and that was the first time there was a family death that struck me (the last one was when I was 5). She seemed fine the night before she passed, so that’s where this episode feels more real. Ever since then, I’ve been off and on dreading the day this will happen to one of my parents.

[@lauramartin7675]

Every child/parent's worst nightmare: being the one to find them

[@dipperjc]

@@lauramartin7675 Seriously, though. My mom has pretty advanced dementia and I'm the only familiar thing she clings to so it's impossible to imagine the day I would ever put her into a home. But I know someday I need to, or I'm going to have this experience. I need to spare myself from this. I know she'd want me to.

[@angelasylvain2476]

I’m so glad you showed the Anya monologue. This is my favorite scene because it so perfectly voices my feelings and my experience when I was grieving my sister.

[@rubysclera9021]

This episode, helped me *FINALLY* grow out of "mom, you don't understand me, and you never will". After watching this episode I called my mom, and cried like a 4 year old "I'm sorry mommy!" Over and over again... took me almost 3 hours of blubbering... but I needed it... I love my mom... I don't know what I'm gonna do without her...

[@stellapik.]

It took me 20 years to forgive my mom for leaving me at 19... I started to love here again just in recent times... That night my dad woke me up at 5 in the morning, gave me the news and went to the hospital with my bro. 3 days later I was at the mall, buying a black shirt (which i STILL have), and I told a friend "My mom died". And I was laughing so histerically that she had to take me out of the mall... I think I never really realized what her death meant to me until I forgave her and allowed e to love her again and to be grateful for everything she gave me. Thanks for ths video John. I'll treasure it

[@Beeper98]

The storytelling in Buffy is masterful. Every choice, every detail is so deliberate. There are so many uniquely shot scenes in this episode that really captures what those first few hours/days of grief feel like (the lingering shots on the phone buttons, the paper towel, how the episode is colored so that its over saturated) But one detail I love is the deliberate choice to have Dawns art class study 'negative space' because that is exactly what this episode is doing. The episode is not about Joyce's death, but rather the experience of those around Joyce to her death. The negative space around The Body.

[@persgodiva]

This episode still has me traumatized more than 10 years later.

[@VioletEmerald]

Parasocial relationships and how we can be traumatized by fiction are really interesting real things

[@carpelibrarium8522]

12:00 My Dad's 60th was roughly 6 months after Mum died from cancer. I remember talking to one of their friends at the party and saying, "We've done everything we were supposed to do. We nursed and helped and called everyone who needed to know, and we did the funeral and went through her things and we've been grieving. We've done all of that, so can we please have Mum back now?"

[@annie123e]

I'm re-watching Buffy right now with my husband (he hasn't seen them before) and this is one of our favorite episodes. It's beautiful and heartbreaking and raw. It reminds us to be fully present for each other now because one day the other may not be here. Every day is precious. Thanks for not shying away from the hard stuff.

[@shayg9126]

Me too my favorite show of all time

[@GreyDeathVaccine]

"It reminds us to be fully present for each other now because one day the other may not be here. Every day is precious." - words worth living by

[@bubbles2215]

As someone who lost both my parents when I was fairly young, this is the only episode of television that has ever made me cry for the majority of its 45 minute run. The second she says “Mommy?” it’s over for me for most of the rest of the episode. Wonderfully written, directed, and acted.

[@cpaigemcd]

The Body and Hush were always impactful episodes but since my mom passed 4 years ago, The Body, appropriately, hits different. I had the situation your Dad was afraid of where I found out from a distant acquaintance many hrs later…on Christmas Day. The Body does such a good job of illustrating some really hard to grasp concepts. It’s been 4 yrs and I feel like I’m just starting to process. Not to mention tomorrow marks the one yr anniversary of my dad’s passing…so I’m definitely being challenged/tested, feels like.

[@janinakovacic6402]

I’m so sorry for your loss. I too lost my father last year and I have to say that his birthday and the day of his death hit the hardest for me, even after you think you are starting to finally be okay, there is an occasion, or moment, or song, or picture that completely breaks you for a couple of minutes in a kind of pain that is unbearable. Buffy is one of my favourite series of all time and this episode hit hard for me when I really watched it for the first time, because I had already experienced the death of a friend, but just watching these snippets was too much after my father’s passing. A masterful episode indeed.

[@FBF868]

I found my Mom during COVID. The way she reverted from screaming Mom to Mommy was so spot on. The helplessness of not being able to change what you are seeing and experiencing is crushing.

[@pringletonsmythe]

Every time I watch this episode I cry my eyes out. I usually manage to hold off until Anya’s monologue. I’ve yet to make it through the entire episode dry eyed. It’s so brilliantly written, and the lack of music throughout adds to the impact of every scene.

[@poopoopants2320]

She's actually cleaning up her vomit not spilled water

[@kilian-one-l]

I always cry at this episode, no matter how many times I watch it.

[@nephtys369]

Same

[@GreyDeathVaccine]

Better skip it. One time is enough. You just need to draw conclusions from it. Be present in the lives of others, because one day they will pass away.

[@emptycarousels3950]

The moment when you hear the wind chimes and the children playing and everything is so still, it captures so perfectly how it feels. This is a brilliant episode!

[@yayazow]

Sarah M.Gellar is a phenomenal actress, i have no word to describe how talented she is 👌

[@fuzzyx2face]

Buffy is deep, it’s the best show of my life! She wasn’t cleaning water, she had vomited earlier. Sorry for your loss of your mom, thanks for talking about this episode

[@SashaRicky]

12 years ago we lost my Gran to an accident and she died alone. I went into shock like Buffy and struggled to know what I was feeling. But at my Grans funeral, I thought about Anya's speech. I thought how I would never be able to visit my gran, never hear her on the phone at the end of the day talking to my Mum, never be able to hug and be comforted by her, never be able to have an apple from her fruit bowl again and just never see her smile, laugh and make me feel safe again. In that moment I was able to grieve. It all came flooding out of me and I'm so glad that I was able to let that grief out. It's strange how Anya's explanation helped but I'm so greatful that it did.

[@R.senals_Arsenal]

When Buffy says "body" for the first time to Giles, that just kills me. This is one of the, if not THE Most, real fictional deaths/aftermaths of all time. My mother died when I was 15 and I remember crying that night when my father woke me to tell me, and not much else that night, I think I cried myself back to sleep, but then it was when I was 25 was when it all just hit me one day and I just broke down and a tidal wave I'd been holding back for a decade just washed over me... Yeah, it is Not Healthy to hold back, swallow down, run from, block yourself off from emotions you absolutely Need To Feel. Not Healthy at All. I would recommend any other strong men out there to just go somewhere private if you have to, or as I did be with the one person you truly trust above all others, and just let it out. No good comes from bottling up your grief.

[@Shayril]

I'm not sure I should have watched this today. My dad passed away two weeks ago after a battling lung cancer for a year. We knew it would happen, eventually, but we weren't expecting the sharp downward turn that happened. I've kind of been like you described yourself. For a lot of it, I've just in a fog with emotional moments scattered throughout that don't last too long. Something tells me I'll have a breakdown at some point.

[@alangarde2928]

I am so sorry for your loss.

[@aaronsrok3422]

She should have gotten an Emmy for this. Its ridiculous that she didn't.

[@oneslikeme]

This is fantastic, thank you so much. Buffy is one of my favorite shows. This episode was hard for me to watch because I saw it not long after I lost my mother 20 years ago. And yet, I watched it over and over again. Because it was so well made, and I had never seen another show that had portrayed grief SO realistically. The part of the episode that really got me was the fantasy at the beginning of Buffy saving her, then it cutting back to reality. My mother died from an accident and I thought about things I could have done differently.

[@taabybee3541]

When I was younger and there was something traumatic happening I used to be able to put my emotions aside and get what ever needed doing done. My mother and I were witness to a car accident, my mum was freaking out. I sat her down told her what I needed to do and I went and just calmed and checked all the injured people in the car till the ambulance came. My brain said “this is what needed to be done so go do it”, you can deal with your emotions later! Which is what I did. Later when I had time to think about what happed then the emotions would come. 20 years have passed and I can’t do that anymore. The last 8 years have been rough and I’m no longer able to shelf my emotions no matter how hard I try. When my mum was dying I couldn’t deal with it I had to leave it all to my younger sister to do. I cried a lot, still do. I felt bad I couldn’t do or be there for my mum in her last days. But I just couldn’t cope with it all. Its been a year since her death and miss her. But I also think I grieved for her long before she died as she had Alzheimer’s. There were times she would not recognise me, or tell me dead relatives were visiting her. I cried a lot on those days. I’m sad my kids and nephews won’t get any time with her anymore, and share in their achievements. I have a lot of work to do to mentally heal, but I have forgiven myself for not being able to be there for her in the end. The past is something you can’t change and for me there is no point in punishing or hating myself because I can’t change what’s already happened (this realisation took me years to figure out). I love my mother. It’s not past tense, it’s now. She’s gone but I still love her. The people you put in your heart live longer than their own physical bodies. So I think of her at times I see things she used to like or do, at my kids milestones and achievements and Christmas and birthdays. I don’t remember where I was going with this post, but there are times where if you can be strong then do it, but if you can’t be, it’s ok to ask for help. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to ask for help. If you don’t ask then nobody knows you need help. It’s ok to need help. Merry Christmas.

[@lisarummel3172]

The acting in this show, especially in this episode, is just amazing. SMG crying gets me basically every time. This was a lovely look at the actual grieving process. Thank you.

[@dragonreader3817]

Just so everyone knows, it’s now compression first. The timing of compressions is to the beat of of the song “Staying alive.” By The Bee Gees, Easiest way to remember.

[@reysquadron7820]

And 20 compressions, with heel of the hand...sorry, too many CPR trainings to be able to watch it done wrong without saying something!

[@Sika6061]

Buffy is my favorite show, and this episode is a big part of the reason why. It is a masterpiece, and I can't think of a single episode in any show that is its equal. Thank you for therapizing it. I cry throughout this episode, and it's helped me deal with grief when I've had friends and family members pass away.

[@MendedLight]

It really is so, so good.

[@artman2oo3]

Man. This episode will wreck you. Good choice. I’m sorry you lost your mom. This is such a good episode and you’re right, the way it depicts grief is quite realistic. Also gut wrenching.

[@neoshadowdukeofgames8223]

I’m so happy that you’re taking a look at Buffy. This was the first non-animated show I really liked. Even though it’s been several years, I still have a surrogate father that I consider my Giles. Buffy is easily in my top 5 TV shows lifetime and I don’t see that changing over the rest of my life

[@kettitiled]

I was a huge fan of this series from the first season. My mom actually got me to watch it the night it premiered in March of 1997. And we watched it together for years, so often that we were finding ways to integrate our favorite quotes into conversation. This was the first time I watched a single second of this episode since she died in March 2020. I haven't even watched the one before or after it. Even though I had about six weeks to prepare for my own mother's passing (from colon/liver cancer), it still hit like a freight train that night I went to give her her medicine and she was gone. Like Tara said, "It's always sudden." Thank you for making this video and sharing what you went through via this lens. I'm very grateful it exists.

[@Aiodiam]

Im very sorry for your loss, its easy to see the ways you've identified with the scenes in this episode. Especially losing someone close like that isn't something you ever forget, even little details like the butterfly kisses. Always loved your channel for the sheer humanity of it, and this was definitely one of those moments. Thank you for sharing your stories with us.

[@tanadarko6991]

Good god I have been re-watching the Buffy-verse and this episode totally fucked me up. It was so so realistic - I looked up and saw how Whedon lost his mother and wanted to do something to show grief and loss like that. It was amazing. The details about her super strength breaking the sternum. The operator's gentle tone when she realizes that her mom is gone. The friends being on the outside looking in at terrible grief is really real, too. thanks for sharing your story, Jonathan. I hope there was some catharsis in it for you too.

[@FulcanMal]

It's actually common in real life to break ribs during CPR. So that was very realistic too.

[@ser132]

In first aid training, they tell you that when you do compressions in CPR it is very common to break a rib(s), because of how hard you have to press down. So, her breaking her mum's rib while doing CPR is also just a realistic portrayal of CPR.

[@Nicamon]

"The details about her super strength breaking the sternum."Actually I've heared that it's pretty common to break someones' rib when practicing CPR,you don't have to be a super-strong Slayer for that to happen..it's _another_ realistic thing from the episode. ;"-(

[@helenl3193]

It's entirely possible for any of us to accidentally break a rib/s when doing CPR compressions, however that risk is far outweighed by the potential benefit of saving a life. I doubt anyone would mind that trade off - and I've had cracked ribs, so I feel like I know what I'm talking about. They aren't fun, but definitely not a fate worse than death!

[@gregweatherup9596]

Small aside- it wasn’t because of her super strength. In my CPR training they made a big point about ‘don’t freak out if you break the person’s rib while performing CPR’, so apparently it’s not uncommon. But a broken rib with a chance of saving their life is better than an unbroken rib but the certainty of death without aid.

[@89five3five]

The tragedy of this episode was Buffy was always prepared to lose a loved one to supernatural means. It’s what she was constantly fighting. But she was never prepared for the shock of natural death. Monsters she could save her loved ones from. But nature…. She is powerless against it.

[@DreamQuillRose]

YES! I always thought that that was one of the most telling points of this episode. Buffy is essentially a superhero who is used to saving the day, no matter what sacrifices she has to make, and yet, this time... There is no monster to fight. All her power, and she's just as helpless to stop her mom's death as any normal human.

[@Raienya]

Watching this episode when it originally aired completely wrecked me. My brain just would not process how she was presented-just...laying there, eyes open. This is the first time I've seen it since then, and it still hits just as hard as the first time.

[@lauramcdonald5004]

This episode of Buffy is the single best episode of TV ever written, produced, and put to film. I always knew how strong this episode was, but last year I lost my dad. Watching this now blows my mind with the quality of this episode and how perfect it is.

[@cloudcampos4555]

My big brothers watched this as a 40 year old 2 days ago. He was blown away. He told me he didn't remember buffy being such a masterpiece in regards to acting.

[@MendedLight]

It really is quite good!

[@GAZMAN2002]

Thank you. Buffy is revolutionary television for so many reasons

[@this.is.a.username]

A few years after my mom passed in 2011 I was rewatching Boy Meets World, my favorite show as a teen. In S04E04 "Fishing for Virna" The episode starts with the Matthews family being too busy to eat any of the breakfast that the mom, Amy, prepared. Over the course of the episode the family takes off in the morning with food wasting on the table because they're all too busy. The main plot of the episode is that a lunch lady had passed away and Cory didn't feel like she was appreciated enough.. so at the end of the show, he sits down and thanks his mom for breakfast. This was the first time I had watched the show since my mom had died and that scene just caused me to burst in to tears and bawl like a baby for a good 10 minutes. I would never again be able to sit down and eat my momma's food. Just typing this has me teary eyed. In the end, after I had cried myself out, I started laughing hysterically. I laughed until my sides hurt. I loved my mom with all my heart and miss her so much... but my mom was a terrible cook. As much as it hurts knowing I would never sit down with her for a meal again, I couldn't stand the majority of what that woman put on the table.

[@DoubleBlack2.0]

I lost my mom 6 years ago and this episode (AND your video) hits so hard. I think the hardest part for me, was the overwhelming sense of UNFAIRNESS. She was only 63. She had a job, friends, a social life, she and my dad traveled a ton, she had 8 grandkids… How is it right that she’s gone? 💔💔💔

[@The_Loonatic]

I gotta say, as someone on the nhs list for aspd diagnosis (its gonna be a while till i see them) the "grief is felt differently by everyone" hit hard. I dont actually feel sadness to an extent (but i do feel shock for quite a while after) For years ive felt like my way of mourning the few folks i care abt was inherently wrong or meant i never loved them, and like i had to hurt myself in respect to them. This channel is truly amazing ❤

[@thebloodygaga]

One of the best episodes of Buffy that I hate watching even if its very well done..It's just so hard to watch but I love it evrytime.

[@stardust1815]

This scene is so heartbreaking but you've gotta appreciate how realistic those chest compressions look.

[@derekbroestler7687]

This episode always gets to me... I guess I was about 24 when it came out and had already experienced deaths of loved ones... but those were folks who were older or sick, we knew it was coming with them... It wasn't a surprise... and there was a "reason" At the time, this was sad, but it didn't really HIT me... There was a "reason"... A few years later I was working as a locksmith... Our company did welfare check ins for family and local PD... So yeah, I saw a lot of reactions to death... I always felt bad for the families, especially since I'm kinda literally the guy who opened the door to worst their nightmares, but I was there to do a job and that job was to be compassionate and professional no matter what... I understood people react differently... but I thought I had a pretty good handle on the whole death thing... I knew what to do and what my job was and there were reasons and things made sense.... And then a friend of mine, younger than me by a couple of years died suddenly... Guy was, seemingly, in perfect health... Didn't drink, didn't smoke, exercised, didn't eat junk food... All the stuff I do the exact opposite of.... Had a heart attack... dead almost instantly.... some birth defect that had never been detected... He was engaged to a wonderful woman who was also a friend... He did everything right, wasn't in an accident, he wasn't visibly sick, didn't commit suicide or OD, or get shot, or anything.... It's just, all of a sudden, he's not here anymore... And flat out, out of nowhere, I went full bore Anya.... Because, NO, a lot of times it doesn't make any sense... and for the first time, I honestly didn't even know how to act, what to say, any of it... and I remember feeling so bad that I couldn't just pull it together because I didn't understand myself... I couldn't process it.... Like he was fine yesterday... I hung out with them the other day... how the hell is he just gone? and everyone who knows us is also hurting and looking for answers and so I don't even know how to act around anyone... and I honestly remember thinking "Will someone please explain this to me" and bawling my eyes out the next time I watched this because I remember having that thought... Years later, and I still don't have any real answers except "sometimes it just happens, and it sucks"... And that's as far as I've been able to figure it out...

[@bipolarbudgets8219]

I lost my husband about a year and a half ago and have often thought about this episode when I think about the day he died. This mirrored my experience almost beat for beat - normal day, finding him, trying to wake him up, the 911 call, cpr and recognizing he was cold and gone, telling my kids, telling his mom, and the odd, cold, hyper-rational detachment and desire to focus on very small tasks. All of this was spot on. I haven’t watched this episode in years, but Buffy is my favorite show and it was oddly comforting to know this episode so well and how normal the experience was. It was absolutely brilliant directing and brilliant acting and absolutely one of the best episodes of television ever created.

[@ManicMuppit]

Even now, I still feel the remnants of horror and grief after watching this episode. It was so powerful. It’s just the “she’s cold” and the way the 911 lady responds immediately with “the BODY is cold?”

[@Itsatragedeigh]

My dad passed out of nowhere when i was 15 while i was at school. He had a very rare heart condition that no one knew he had. Luckily, my mom was with him when it happened and the ambulances arrived quickly so “finding the body” moment for any of us like in the show. Going into shock autopilot mode is exactly what i did when they told us at the hospital. Seeing my mom break down put me in survival mode. I had to call my brother to let him know that a car was going to pick him up and bring him to the hospital and had to try to sound somewhat normal so that he could have that last 20 minutes of normal life while he traveled there. I was also in shock for days. Much love to everyone out there who has lost a parent or loved one.

[@vampireassassin4750]

Fun fact i watched this episode on the day it aired me and my sister and cousins and it was hard hitting i lost my mother when i was 12 years old of the same thing that took Joyce on the show only difference was that it happened in the middle of the night. I went to bed and she tucked me in that night and i still remember her last words before she shut the door that night When we all woke up the next morning it was to her dead body being cold lying on the bed i remember hearing my stepdad yelling into the phone at the 911 operator about how my mom wasn't breathing i remember the ambulance putting a sheet over her i remember being taken into a neighbors home it was all traumatizing because just a few hours prior to this we were all laughing and watching the television and now she was being put in an ambulance Lets just say while watching this episode i was balling my eyes out because i knew all to well what Buffy was going through i had been through it myself and all the while i just wanted to jump into the tv and give her a hug and say she had a shoulder to cry on

[@fabchn6340]

It's such a detail but when Buffy opens the door and you hear children playing and laughing in the background is such a realistic moment and it brought me back to the day I lost my grandmother and it felt so strange that everybody else was living their lives normally when there was such a dark cloud over my head. This episode portrays that so well.

[@greatsm2videl]

Man I still can’t even watch someone reacting to or talking about this episode without sobbing. I lost my dad to cancer when I was 10.. I was at the hospital when he died and still remember vividly, even though it’s faded a bit. I’m 33 now and the episode still hits home for me every time. It’s so brilliant and realistic and gut wrenching. The Passion of the Nerd also does a great and personal breakdown of this episode. Not sure how I didn’t catch that you had another channel besides Cinema Therapy. I really hope you react to more Buffy episodes, either here or on the other channel. I’d watch all of those too.

[@adrianghandtchi1562]

I wish I had watched that episode sooner, when my mom told me that my dad passed away, I was quiet for a long while, that I felt a buzzing feeling inside of me and I needed to be alone, so I went to my car and just completely fell apart screaming crying hitting things. Then I wrote a lot to make me channel the grief, so ever since that day I would sometimes dream that he was still alive in an alternate reality. He was not a perfect person but he was my dad.

[@michelealoia1320]

I loved Buffy , this episode was so raw and just fully human. I lost my dad this past October and it's still so surreal to me. I've picked up the phone a million times to call him too.

[@solavita306]

My mom died in 2000, when this episode came out....my god, how real this was...the disorientation, the confusion, the inability to keep track of what was happening and when, the overbrightness of light, the hyper coloration or loudness of things and at the same time the flatness or desaturation of other things.... Just putting one foot in front of the other, becomes something you have to put effort into remembering how you do it. I don't know how the got it so right. It was an amazing episode, so accurate.

[@jcortese3300]

I've always found that the most accurate part of this was when she went outside after finding her mom and just stood there at the back door staring into nothing for a bit, and the outside world was almost aggressively oversaturated but just ... continuing to exist. The world kept going, the birds kept singing, even after her universe just blew apart. That contrast between having your world explode in your face and yet unrelated things just continue on as normal was for me the most disorienting and shocking thing about experiencing sudden loss.

[@zahrans]

The oversaturation bit didn't come across properly in this video cos it looked liked the HD remastered version was used for the reaction, a version which had shitty colour tones and noise reduction. Anyone who has the DVD/SD version of this episode would see it proper.

[@koivunen2489]

My dad died when I was 17. I was at school, about to go to a biology test when mum called to tell me. I remember very clearly talking to her while walking through the schoolyard, putting my phone away, and doing the test, because what else am I supposed to do? And I *nailed* that test. I wasn't usually at the top of the class, but this one, I aced. Of course, I found that out later, after the tests were graded, but I still feel a little weird how that all went down. Maybe it was because the test was the one clear task, and the shock and disbelief just overrode everything else.

[@jlcollins14]

This is relatable for me. My mom died in April 2001 from cancer. I was in my last term of High school - Graduation was in June. She had only been diagnosed in March. We didn't have long with her, but I didn't understand that at the time that was what would happen. I was in a Haze the rest of that year. Two weeks after my mom died, her dad died from a brain aneurysm. He had a fall leaving the house to come see mom but I don't know if he fell because of the aneurysm or if it happened after the fall. Then, two weeks after my grandpa, my mom's aunt - her mother's sister- died. The whole month of May that year just doesn't exist in my memory outside of these events and a friend who came by the house after mom died to offer support.She told me about how our teacher at school treated her a little poorly because she took time away because her parents announced a divorce. The teacher told her she was lucky to still have parents and that my mom had just died so she shouldn't be too upset. That's how she found out my mom had passed. I thought that was terrible. I can't remember if I even responded to her with sympathy for her parents because she deserved that for sure. We're still friends to this day. I remember that summer she invited me to a graduation party with a small group of girls from school, but all I remember about that is a yard. I don't even remember who was there at the party. For a very long while I was a living zombie, my brain blocked out everything. I was just moving through the days without comprehension of what was happening in life. I suppose now, that would be shock. I lived in a state of trying not to feel anything because, like Willow, I didn't want to start crying again. If I started, I couldn't stop for a long while. I certainly can understand the emotions you are showing, thinking about your mom. Grief always likes to let us know we have to live with her the rest of our lives, even if she doesn't show up every day.

[@Muse0esuM]

I Still remember the day i learned my grandmother passing, i was home alone with my first baby and pregnant with my second. I fell to the floor and i could not breath. She passed walking on the street holding hands with my grandfather. He passed not long after. They raised me, it was like my mom and dad died in a very short spam of time. I still miss them very much, i'm more of a spiritual person than a religious person. I know they still watch over me, i still feel them sometime. I'm sorry for you lost and thank you for sharing. I was a huge fan of Buffy growing up and it was a fantastic show to watch. The acting was phenomenal and the subjects so real that it really gave me strenght in the hard part of my life. But that episode still breaks me and make me crie like a kid.

[@Endelle]

I lost my step mom last year. we were really close for over 30 years, she was my biggest fan and always cheered me on the loudest. we even used to watch Buffy together while i was growing up. thank you for this episode sincerely.

[@antheathetiefling8581]

I was 4 when my father passed. I don't remember much, other than sitting in the church at his service. I was 20 when my mother passed. That day is etched into my memory. My mother was in icu, and my brother and I had decided to take a break and go see a movie for our own metal health. After the movie, we stopped by the hospital where our elder sisters were. After spending time with mum, my Brother and I went home early, my sisters stayed...now it took my brother and I an hour to get home...we'd settled down to have dinner when our sisters came home and simply said, mum was gone. I cried the whole night, and remember being very....emotionally empty the next day. This was 13 years ago. Recently I rewatched Buffy and this whole plott hit me like a tone of bricks. Its a very well done story about illness that the effects of it.

[@yoloileebakai4821]

watched clicked on this because i love buffy but this was really interesting. this episode was so unsettling because it felt so insanely real

[@rachaelm7084]

Anya’s speech never fails to move me. I always cry. This is a great episode that show grief and loss.

[@dw146]

So growing up Buffy was one of my favorite shows. My mom would even watch it with me sometimes and I remember we both watched this episode together because I remember her crying a lot during this scene saying “it’s too much.” I haven’t rewatched any of it in a long time; however, the parallels between this episode and my experience with my mother years after this was recorded is a bit overwhelming. It’s almost like someone jumped into the future and wrote down my initial reaction word for word and noted that I was 21. The irony in my own mother’s reaction to this fictional scenario and me eventually living through this very same thing with her seven years later is not lost on me. Like my mom said it was indeed too much. It’ll be 14 years in May and sometimes I still flashback to that moment. It…it has a way of staying with you.

[@tangerine5940]

When buffy says we can't move the body and it hits her that her mum isn't here anymore and that its just her body really got me. Sarah Michelle gellers acting in this is outstanding you really feel what she is feeling watching it

[@angelblu27834]

This scene always gets me. It reminds me of finding my mom in the bathroom and calling 911. I tried to attempt CPR but I couldn’t move her. I tried to remain hopeful even though she was cold before the paramedics showed up, and when one of the paramedics told me she wasn’t breathing. I was even a state of shock when my dad told me she was gone at the hospital. I felt very disoriented a few days after she died. The earth didn’t rotate the right way anymore. It’s been 5 yrs going on 6 in August I still struggle with the loss of my mother. I’m a lot better than initially, but I cry a lot more than usual. It’s rough. I went back to college two weeks after she died because I was on summer break. All I wanted to do was get good grades for her. Then when I got back to my dorm at the end of the day I would cry myself to sleep.

[@virgola2126]

I was in my early 20s when I started to watch Buffy, everybody I knew was making fun of me, but I would not miss an episode. I thought it was cleaver, with many life lessons, but also for once a badass realistic heroine we could identify to. Not a damsel in distress. I loved she could kick a****, but still needed her family and her friends, some normalcy in her life to function properly. A super hero being super normal, making mistakes, having doubts, with her flaws and all. She made me feel I could do anything, she made me feel empowered (A fashionable word these days, but so rare in the 1990s). I am now 47 and I still love Buffy, my husband makes fun of me for liking that show, but that's on him, that's on anyone who doesn't get how brilliant that show is.