i'm not ok

[@vladitsvar]

I feel you man. I lost already both my parents. My dad died of cancer, my mother of pneumonia, none of them reached even 50 years old. I live right now with my brother too and felt pressured to take care of him, of the house, of everything. When my dad died I was 16. My mother, addicted to alcohol and other drugs couldn't take care of my brother, so we both went to our grandparents. Then our mother died and we had to do all the paperwork needed. I was 23 when she died, I was in the middle of my studies, and I didn't want to left my carreer unfinished. I was convinced that once I graduated I would be able to take care of everything I needed to. Well, I graduated. And I've been jobless for 2 years. Companies don't even take the time to call me. There's a voice in my head that constantly calls me worthless, that asks me what have I accomplished all these years. Expectations suck when you don't meet them. And lowering the bar doesn't feel good either, it feels like you're giving up. And that makes you feel even more worthless. Sometimes when I think about that and I'm with a knife on my hands after peeling some potatoes, I can't help but think that maybe I could end it all there. But that isn't the answer either. It's even worse than giving up. I ask myself what am I doing and start a list. Amani, I really hope you're not feeling bad at this level, but if you are, I'll share what I do to keep struggling. Ask yourself what have you done and make a list. The list is not about what have you accomplished nor what expectations have you met. What have you done in all your years? Have you gone to school? Have you made friends? Have you created something? Etc. The list will grow larger and larger, no matter what, you've done something, multiple things. So then you're not worthless, you exist, you live and you change the world in someway or another. Ofc, that doesn't help you to meet the tall bar you want to reach, but you've met so many other bars that you don't even take on account. Don't downplay what you've done. They may be simple tasks for you, but you're amazing for doing them. Even more amazing if you think they're simple. Just keep doing things, you won't even notice when you accomplish some high bars you set when you were younger. That say, if you're willing to, try to reach to an especialist. They have better techniques that will allow you to reach your own answer. I hope when that day comes, you can share it with us. We all love and support you.

[@coleslaw5713]

First off, im so happy for you getting engaged! I just saw the title pop up in my notifications and immediately wanted to check it out. Ive been watching your content for years and wanted to share some positive energy because ive also been going through some depressing emotions. I've dealt my entire life with death coming so naturally to my family you'd think it was a curse put on us. Its bothered me whether i like to admit it or not over the years , and it all likes to pile up sometimes into one big sadness ball. On top of that i get to think about if im good enough or am i meeting these expectations. I stop to think about these things sometimes and what usually gets me through them is thinking about how i dont need to be anything special... I need someone special in my life and thats my girlfriend and grandmother. Those two people keep me going. I dont want to live up to anyones expectations, i want to live ingeneral and live a full life unlike a lot of my family. (5 family members). You simply being here on youtube and being genuine and real means so much more than you will ever know. In a world of fake content you stay real and real as a person outside of just your content obviously as we see here. Ive heard you ramble on about shit in videos that just cheer me up. Thank you for just being you and being real with us. Theres always gonna be someone there for you. Just know youre never alone and know you dont have to meet any crazy expectations to succeed in life. You just gotta be you. A random stranger is writing you an essay trying to cheer you up because of my memories of you being a genuinely good dude. Youre making an impact on people you dont even know and thats amazing to say. Turn your loss into something positive. Loss for me was a way to understand how terrible life can be and that kinda put me in a position to want everyone around me to be happy and laugh. Thats what lifes all about man.

[@CantStopAmani]

Wow bro, I truly appreciate this 😭. "I don't have to be anything special". That alone means the world to me. For so long I've been trying to keep folk happy and satisfied and always smile but its to the point where when I fail at LITERALLY ANYTHING, i beat myself up. My wife told me earlier something similar to what you said and it reached me. I'm sorry for your losses as well and I appreciate these words

[@KageVersion5S]

I really hope you feel better, I'm sorry to hear your mother passed away, it's gonna be okay man, you got this.

[@KhepriProductions2022]

When you talked about the bar of expectations, I felt that. Sometimes I feel like I'm not where I'm supposed to be and feel frustrated. I definitely feel your pain. Glad to know I'm not the only one who goes through that kind of frustration.

[@Cage532]

I lost my mother a few years ago, she was 71 years old. She had 'Lewy Body Dementia' which the has 5-8 years of cognitive decline before death. I saw my mother go from a fun, smart, compassionate woman to forgetful, and frighted before losing the ability to even talk before dying. I had years to ready myself for that end and was by my mother's bedside when she passed on but it was so hard. The fact that she is no longer in my life hurts but the love she gave me is still a part of me. The love she had for me is not gone because I still feel it and carry it within me just like all the memories and life lessons. That love doesn't go away even when I share it with others. It may be too soon for you if the pain of that loss is still raw but I've found talking about my mother and reminisce about her with my brother, father and family helps feel connected to her even now when she is gone. I also highly recommend talking to a grief counselor.

[@KamauKakao]

I always come back for your old Gurren Lagann Videos and I just saw you‘re reaction to episode 8-10. It’s heartbreaking to check your channel and see this bad news. I‘m so sorry for your loss but I‘m sure you will overcome this. Stay strong and believe in your mom which believed in you!! Like Simon did with Kamina. I know it’s hard I have been in a similar dark time last year but it keeps getting better if open your heart to friends, family and maybe a therapist (which isn’t a shame!) Trust me on that. Finding a new passion or extending your interests is also a good way to cope those struggles. Much love, appreciation and a wonderful wedding!!! Congratulations btw💜

[@killerkris9166]

I'm sorry for your loss man. I found your channel when you first started posting your Gurren Lagann reactions. I was like 17-18 at the time. About to turn 23 now so I don't have much life experience but I struggle with the self imposed standards thing too. Whenever I'm feeling down I just remember the core messages of the show and believe in myself. i just be me, I just keep on moving forward. With each step it becomes a little bit easier to believe in myself. I love watching your reactions! Keep up the good work. (when you want and are ready too. ofc) Congrats on the engagement man!

[@heartlessjay490]

I was 15 back then now I'm about to turn 23 next week still looking for a job to support me. Hopefully one day

[@heartlessjay490]

Cant stop amani! Havent seen ur vids since the RWBY days but tbh u made my childhood with them reactions of rwby mha etc

[@robomono017]

really sorry for your loss. your community has your back, truly

[@sonicmoore6196]

I’m so sorry for your loss man. Congratulations on your engagement! I discovered your channel on a light of hope dbz reaction 😁 You’re so cool and hang in there!!!

[@Marrok48]

Man this was some heavy stuff. Congrats on getting engaged, stay strong, lean on those who love you for help, and don’t let those dark thoughts take over. People in your live who love you, are there because they care. Again awesome you’re engaged, and stay healthy man, that’s what counts, your own health is the most important. Expectations can be another way to say goals… it doesn’t mean you have to have immediate results, sometimes they are things we will have to strive for their entire life… but the fact that one can never be perfect but better ourselves little by little every day, is a victory every time.

[@Unchart3dj5]

First time commenting but been here since the Rwby arc and I just needed to comment because seeing you like this breaks my heart. First I want to say sorry for your loss man losing somebody as close as a guardian is a gut punching horrific reality turn all of us eventually it's going to come knocking on our doorstep and there's nothing we can do about it. I would say I can relate because I end up losing my dad 2 years back and I still can't process it that it's real but no, everybody is different. yes at the end day crying and being sad is justifiable if not we wouldn't be human, what I'm trying to get that is ones pain can not be express truly with the people around you so that's why beating yourself up becomes a cope mechanism believe me that's something that I know very well and I'm fighting till this day and I will continue fighting because there's still people in my life that I will die for them and they will do the same for me but all in all I suggest you to find yourself again understand who are you and what do you want. Yes some days can be harder than others but the path will always be there for you to follow and if you do end up getting lost that's why we're here to help you find your way back because there will always be a light in the darkness so take care of yourself and your brother and your fiance, we will be rooting for you SO NOW GO!!! LET THE LEGEND COME BACK TO LIFE!!!💪😎🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 P.s watch vinland saga season 2 if you haven't already highly recommend 🗿🗿🗿

[@KinjiHakari-gy8xj]

Sorry for you lose i know you will get through this, your a strong and brave person.

[@PetarBladeStrok]

Stay strong man... It's really hard to lose the ones you love, but you have to remember that you're never alone and that so many people care about you. More than you think.

[@leeharris7390]

Ohhh wow.... I'm so sorry for ur lost I remembering meeting her when she use to come pick u up from Popeyes when we work 2gether... my deepest condolences to u and ur brother 🙏 🙏🙏🙏

[@MelodyHinton-m4f]

I’m so sorry for your loss cantstopAmani I had no idea what was going on but it’s fine take your time I hope you feel better in your family I do have some family issues my mom and dad sometimes fight when they argue I always put my headphones on and happy early merry Christmas ❤❤❤❤❤❤ but she better place now but your mom is still in your heart and god will take care of her cantstopAmani ❤❤

[@NooblesseOne]

I cant understand how hard it for you, but i wish you can embrace and live with it.

[@Uri_Mercury]

Amani, I'm sending you a WEALTH of mending energy to your heart and mind. I lost my mom May 3rd of last year at the EXACT same age of 66. It was fatty liver disease. There is no way to articulate the feeling, so im just sending you every bit of positive energy. Praying for you and your brother. Please be gentle with yourself, and dont pile too much on. Youre human. Much love from Detroit 🦋

[@haisaivay6644]

Hey bud, first off sorry for your loss. I know you've been dealing with a lot but if there's one thing I know about you, it's that you can't stop Amani. No one says you have to be strong all the time. Don't be afraid to rely on those around you when things get tough. You can always look back in pride that you've kept goin' on through everything even if you've stumbled at times. You gettin' married is a big step in your life and I wish you the best.

[@Dariel4Lifer]

damn bro, life is tough right here, hope u get trough it

[@酒井平子]

日本人です。いつも見てます。素敵な動画をありがとう。 遠くで応援しています🌻

[@bryceswinson8736]

Sorry for your loss man, prayin for ya ❤️

[@shadowslayer6698]

"Keep your expectations low, and you will never be disappointed" -Kratos, God of War Ragnarok Ey man. Did you forget what your KZbin name is? You can't. Stop. Amani! I know you're going through a rough time and yes you will grieve but i promise you it will get better you just have to hold on. I have been subscribed to you for quite some time now, silently watching your videos, maybe I commented a few times. But i discovered your channel when looking up rwby reaction videos. I had wondered why you havent posted in awhile. Glad to hear from you again. Now its time to make myself known. My name is Tyler and i have a similar story as well. I'm going to try to keep this brief, but my grandma passed in 2019 it was me, grandma and dad. Now its just me and dad. My mom doesn't really talk to me and she dropped off my brother when he was 4. I've had a rough childhood but at the same time, not so rough. Same with my adult years. So yes losing loved ones is sad but i promise you it will blow over eventually. I learned to talk about grandma now without choking or tearing up. I've made peace with it. We all can get past the pain of our loved ones but I see that is not exactly the main issue at hand. Your main issue is these expectations of yourself and the weight of the responsibility and how to navigate it and the stress of it all that follows. Is that correct ? If so i go through the literal same exact thing. I have so much responsibility on my shoulders it's not even funny. On top of everything else i need to do. I'm a selfless person, a people pleaser. Sometimes I'll get so lost in trying to please others that i forget to take care of myself sometimes. It's good to be kind but it's not healthy to not be kind to yourself. Your family and loved ones can take care of you and have your back and be there for you and support you, sure. But only you can take care of the rest. I have friends and some family that are super dependent on me for things and no one else is going to do it for them so what do i end up doing ? I do it for them. Despite if i don't feel like doing it that doesn't matter. Just doing that needs to be done when it needs to be done that's responsibility. But just make sure that once again you are kind to yourself and give yourself a vacation when you need it. Its no use trying to do everything at once, fiance, work, friends, family it can be very overwhelming and stressful. Trust me.. i know. I just came down from being in the same boat, not myself mentally disturbed, not okay i would snap at the stupidest shit then the next day after 3 days of that I get an upset stomach, headache, neck pains sore throat. I wasn't sick or anything but something was definitely going on. Now all that remains is considerably less neck pain and a little less sore throat but still there. I couldn't do anything about the symptoms, but i did get through the stress attack. you want advice ? Okay i got you. Listen. you want to know how i got through it, I didn't give up. I did not relinquish my sanity to my anger and hatred. I have forged an iron will, and that iron will has helped me get through a lot of bad shit in my life. You have to remind yourself that you can do this. You have to surround yourself with things you love. Things that make you laugh. Yes, in other words do not be alone with your thoughts, like you said. Do not let your thoughts become so loud that you can't ignore them and if it gets to that point then you must remove yourself from anything that reminds you of fhe situation you're in and what's triggering your stress in the first place. Be it something that's happened recently, or something that's been a repeating cycle that has had long term affects on your soul over the course of a specific period of time. (Like me) and possibly has minor to even severe detrimental effects on your health and mental state. The more you keep it held inside the more its going to eat you up inside. It's always better to talk about it and get it off your chest. That was one of the several tactics i used to get over the stress levels. Oh and, of course.. i smoked weed till i was on cloud 100 and played loud music to drown out my thoughts cause they were so damn loud. It was rough but i got through it. And ahh yes as for those expectations... i know exactly how you feel. I put one very big expectation on myself and i haven't done it yet, writing a book and hopefully one day get it published. It's my lives work and i want to share it with the world one day. There's only one problem.. our good ol friend, procrastination. Yeah dont let that drag you down either. If you have dreams go for them. And i wouldn't necessarily say, it's that you're setting the bar too high for yourself, but rather you're expecting to complete so much stuff in such a short amount of time. I think maybe that is what's the main issue at hand is, here. Rome wasn't built in a day, nor were the pyramids of egypt. My point is.. you can set a high goal or expectation for yourself, but don't expact that goal to be met as fast as you'd want it to cause i guarantee you, you probably won't. These things take time and some people worry more about getting to their destination fast, but tend to forget the journey it took to get to that destination. If you focus more on the light at the end of the tunnel, but don't enjoy the ride to get there first, you're not going to be happy. So keep your expectations low and try not to think that you have to be this superman like person who has to please everyone and hold them in such high regards. And when you feel like you haven't done enough for them you feel like you have to do more. Trust me, i tell myself this a lot too but i can almost guarantee you, what you do for your people is more than enough. I'm sure they love you and appreciate you. Keep your head up, I'm sorry you lost your mom it's going to sting for awhile but you got this i know it. But yes that is my advice. Oh and also the other night before bed i prayed to god to help me release all this stress that ive been dealing with and all this responsibility and i asked him to take it all away and when i woke up the next morning, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders, not entirely, but still a lot of it nonetheless. I do not feel as though i am carrying that same burden around me i have made peace with it, though it lingers still but faintly. And taking my stress out on shooting and fighting video games. But yeah no, the main thing is not thinking you have to please the king of Rome or something and, in such a short amount of time. If you set high goals. Treat them as such. High goals, should not be approached as small goals. Anyways i don't want to make this too long but the last piece of advice i have is.. take it one step at a time. You got this and Have a great day.

[@The1_J0SH]

Man I used to play the game with this man for a long time and I just wanna say his love for anime is unmatched and him being a genuine good dude is something that we need more of. We Need More Amani's In The World. Sorry for your loss bro 🙏🏼. Congratulations on your engagement and soon to be marriage 💯.

[@scottclayton6709]

I totally understand what you're going through bro. I really want to see you bounce back and thrive. Sorry for your losses and hope you stay strong. I was holding my Mum's hand too as she passed and it haunted me for so long but those memories fade and you just remember the happy times with her. I'm happy for your achievements too and congrats on your engagement. The best advice I can give you is to not overcomplicate things and trying to meet expectations can be an endless trial. The best person you can be is the one you are now as that's the person who got engaged for love and was loved in return so you can work on the rest little bit at a time. Take care bro and keep having fun and enjoying life ♥️

[@Pleiades.]

Keep your head up, I can't fathom the emotions you must have been going through, that you are going through. I'm glad you're still here and pushing through it all

[@EverythingOMARZ]

Sorry for your loss Amani. Been watching you since middle school and I have the same issue with beating myself up as well but this video help me realize we’re all human. Whenever u back I’ll be here much love ❤️

[@AZTTT9912]

man i love you I will always support you ❤️❤️❤️

[@OgSleep]

Bro i love ur reactions! I hope things work out for you man. Life is messed up all around for alot of us brother. Things have changed. Sorry to hear about your mother's passing.

[@blackiluffy]

OMG I feel sorry for you bro, keep yourself in good health to overcome that, 100% love brother

[@Chilly-Flake478]

Been here since your Konosuba reaction to the dub, I hope life only gets better for you.

[@hitogisumnatori7733]

Sorry to hear about your loss, stay strong! Your community always got your back❤

[@AlejandroRodriguez-rc8gk]

We miss you man, hope things improve soon. Stay strong brother and keep fighting through this journey we call life

[@CantStopAmani]

✊🏽 yessirrrr

[@HollowiiMarz]

Im so sorry Amani. Our thoughts are with you ❤

[@lonewolfjedi493osswfan]

Sorry for your loss, I lost my mom about 10 years ago and she was quite young as well, she was 65 and as someone who has also lost a loved one, just try to keep moving forward

[@maestrobash7822]

Damn. Its a time we all will face, but a time we all wish would never come. Blaming yourself for all the things you did or didn't do is normal, that's how it is for everyone. No one is left without regrets. I wish you strength in these trying times.

[@thomasfcb9735]

Send you all my force from Switzerland brother !❤

[@keithsimpson6386]

AMANIIII, I had just stopped by your channel a day or two ago wondering if you had posted any reactions to the new re zero season as I always enjoyed your posts. I'm glad you were able to post this and share how you're feeling. I'm incredibly sorry for your loss. We love you Amani, that's why we're here. I hope you can love yourself more too! Tell those thoughts to shut the hell up, you DON'T suck! And CONGRATULATIONS on your engagement! Blessings and love to you bro!

[@AKABoondock19]

I am getting a lot older and I am really starting fear losing my mother in a very serious and big way. I am dreading it so much and it hurts just thinking about it. I am so incredibly sorry man. So sorry.

[@lucifer_rr]

You're a literal warrior man, Keep pushing please.

[@nekro_nemesis]

Sorry to hear that man. Try to stay strong, keep busy keeping your mind occupied, and surround yourself with positivity. Thanks for sharing man.

[@xLucent]

Hey Amani just wanna say congrats on the engagement, I know your going trough some tuff times right now but keep your head up bro god gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers, a lot of ppl love you and its like you said, you got this. Your wife found you or you found your wife, regardless y’all found each during this tuff time so that proves there can always be light in those situations try n look at it that way even tho it may be hard sometimes don’t beat your self up your mom loves you and knows ur trying ur best don’t forget to love you self to man it’s rlly important. Come back whenever YOUR ready well be here, take care g❤️

[@toshi240]

Sorry for your loss man, i lost my dad when I was 24 in a work place accident. It took a chunk out of my life and it still hurts immensely thinking about it. I know exactly the emotiona you're going through

[@Masten19]

First!.......? you okay.... :( Just a very stupid question.... I feel terrible about your loss and i hope you get through it, please dont let it get to your head :D like thats even gonna help. just try your best to do more happy stuff in life! You got this, cantstopamani :)

[@ivanseredkin7609]

Dude, I watch your old videos several times a year. You're really cool, and I hope you get better soon. With love and support from Russia

[@Muryō-j1p]

What’s good Amani! FIRST and formost! I just wanted to send my prayers and condolences towards you and your family bro. I pray that the Lord gives you strength and an unexplainable peace through this hard time. I know times are hard for you bro, but I just wanted to tell you that those negative thoughts aren’t from you or from God, it’s from Satan. He fills your mind with doubt, worry, anxiety, depression, hopelessness , and condemnation. And one thing I will say about that is to get into your word if you have a Bible and get into prayer, it doesn’t have to be this Religious thing. The more you get into the word the more those thoughts will go away. I used to suffer with those thoughts and God delivered me from those negative thoughts. And by praying, just vent to God on how you feel just talk to him how you would regularly talk to your close friends and tell him how you feel. And those burdens will be lifted off of you and you will be filled with his love and peace. In the Bible is says “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed” Psalms 34:18 and “For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” Matthew 11:30. God loves you so much bro. I’m praying for you and your family bro. And even if you don’t see it, he sees the effort you’re trying to put in bro. And he’s proud of you. 🖤 I’m not here to force my religious beliefs or anything. It’s just that he saved me from my darkest times. Times where I wanted to end myself and jump off a balcony. And filled me with his love and I no longer deal with those thoughts anymore. He can do the same for you bro. God bless you bro. 🖤🙏🏾

[@joseleonardofarfanperez2838]

My best advice is that you search for a psychologist, that person would be more capable to help you that anyone in the comments. I'm sorry for your lose.

[@korimiller379]

Sorry to hear about your mom, while I still have mine, I did loose my step-dad (who was basically the actual man who raised me) in Aug. I do get the beating yourself up on things, even stupid, incidental things while the rest of things are running fine, those minor irritants just seem to be so much more then they are. Still congrats on the engagement and I hope you'll be happy with her.

[@spicy_banana_mango9356]

I'm sorry for your loss but I know you have the strength and power to mourne and grow from this event just know we are here for you pls don't hesitate to ask for help we will do our best, stay safe and try to have some fun it'll help trust me.

[@adog733]

First, I’m sorry for your loss. And I know what you mean by expectations, I look at my life and compare it to that of friends, family, and people younger than me and how successful they are and keep thinking negative thoughts. Even though I know I shouldn’t. Just hang in there and congratulations on your engagement!

[@Tiran654LP]

Stay Tight man, you got this

[@oofihavenousernameideas2451]

I’m so sorry :(

[@aurorabash6009]

I miss you so much man hang in there bro we love you gang 👊💯❤

[@marbinamaya5409]

Stay strong boss ✊🏼

[@petbin_tokyo]

(I'm not a native English speaker so sorry if the translation is wrong) I've been watching your videos since Attack on Titan. I sympathize with you because I also had a long period in the past where I was unable to move due to mental issues. In my case, I can't get over it. By the time I recovered mentally and was finally able to move, I was a different age than I was before, so I can't go back to the way I was. It's very difficult. I'm still struggling with it. Congratulations on your marriage. And I don't care about that, so I hope I can get a girlfriend.

[@yungducck5463]

Im Praying for you man

[@tyroneduncan1056]

Hope you feeling much better. Praying for you 🍀🙏 always. I always enjoy your conversation and channel. Keep your head up 💪💪🙏💪💪🙏. Much love to you and your family and I'm so sorry for your lost of your mom 😭😔

[@julienpauselli6360]

Take care bro I wish the best for your mother in paradise, i hope she will see you where she is now. You make me start crying now. Rest in peace Amani's mother, and take some time with your brother too. Have a nice day.

[@twotone3471]

Its OK to be weak, but don't stay there. Just like being in love, sadness can control who you are too. Life isn't fair. You didn't ask for this, but life goes on, regardless of how we feel in the moment. Take stock of what you have, and decide what you can do with your future. Maybe you can do the wedding thing, maybe you can do your little brother thing, maybe you can do both, or maybe you can't, and need help for something like an adult day care, or brother joining a sheltered workshop for both of your sake.

[@مجتبیمرادی-ق4غ]

My dear, my greetings and greetings to you, first of all, I offer my condolences on the death of your mother, but I must say that the souls of people are eternal, and your mother is safe and sound in heaven next to God, and they see you lovingly, that you are full of hope and with laughter and joy. You make your beautiful life great and I am personally proud to follow you and I can't wait to see your beautiful reactions, especially with the beautiful animes of this season, for example, Dan Da Dan Man, continue your way with strength, your mother is definitely eager for your happiness and success Sincerely, Mojtaba💚💚💚

[@vensengranville2272]

Big up Bru I luv you

[@duzinbbs4784]

BRO! WHERE HAVE U BEEN?! I MISSED U!

[@MelodyHinton-m4f]

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@rnskhi]

prayers to you and your family thank you for the years of content

[@speedyrave9999]

First and foremost, I offer my condolences to the death of your mother. These things can be difficult to handle emotionally/mentally especially if this is some of your first exposure to this sort of brain worm. While I have not lost my mom or dad, I completely understand the sentiments you are experiencing in the wake of this experience. I especially can relate to what you mentioned about self hatred. Wanting to hold yourself to a certain standard or uphold certain expectations is not necessarily a bad thing in proper moderation. However, in the whirlwind of powerful shifting thoughts and emotions following the death of a loved one can cause a person to take things to extremes without even realizing it. I saw you were asking for some advice on how to push through even when things hurt or you feel distraught. I am sure your mother loved you very much, and as such I believe that a great way to minimize self-destruction in this situation is to consider how she would respond to the things you might be saying to yourself. She would not want you to tear yourself down, she would want you to take a step back, breathe, and focus on building up yourself and the people around you. Another thing to consider, is that she isn't gone for good, she's watching you right now! I am sure she is happy for you as well for your engagement. As though it were a sport, I am sure your mom is cheering you on to take care of yourself and live your life the best you can. It's important to accept the past for what it is, learn from it, and live in the present while looking/working with optimism into the future. You are not alone in this. There are many people who have experienced similar things to you, and would sympathize with you as well. I am happy that you reached out to your internet audience! Many people who experience feelings like this and have trouble navigating the stormy waves often do not reach out for help and only let it fester (unfortunately including myself). Of course, I know you have a loving fiancé and have began connecting with other friends as well for support which is great! More than anything though, I want you to know that Jesus will always have your back! Times might be tumultuous right now Amani, but just know that if you keep true to him, he won't let you down :) . Anyways, I hope you have a good rest of your day and that things only get better for you from here on out! -Some random guy who liked watching your cool anime reactions

[@MelodyHinton-m4f]

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

[@christianbenjaminledezmava8498]

It's good to see you again, and it pains me to hear what you have been through. Life throws heavy stuff like this without warning. Keep close those you love, sometimes they can tell you things about yourself that you don't even realize. Try to make progress on yourself and set goals to motivate you to continue :) Believe in yourself and make the impossible, possible! 🔥 🔥🔥 Also, congrats for your engagement! May both of you live a happy and rewarding life as a couple 🫂

[@andrealorenzi453]

Love you brother ❤

[@apricotAfterglow]

You look good today

[@f.b.l.9813]

sorry about your moms, but congrats man! who's the lucky lady?

[@rosebluelaurarity286]

❤❤

[@duzinbbs4784]

I'm from Brasil let me give u some advice as a married man (both parents gone) TALK WITH UR WIFE REGULARLY. ABOUT ANYTHING THAT IS BOTHERING U OR IF U NOTICE SOMETHING BOTHERING HER the capitalist structure is OUR enemy, while our partners are our allies. SUPPORT HER and she will support u KEEP WALKING THE WALK, it will get easier I promise u

[@MelodyHinton-m4f]

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@FrancoisChristianDillinger]

❤❤❤