A Teacher in the Near Future

Written and performed by Thomas Whittington

[@CharactersWelcome]

Join our discord! discord.gg/nQ3FSxxycT Hang out in our 24/7 twitch stream! www.twitch.tv/characterswelcome

[@sophiam3940]

When I realized the student fired his gun to get called on I died

[@trypstn]

You must've been on the second story

[@user-mh9dx7nz2r]

667th like.

[@neegas3490]

😂

[@realrandoms1013]

Same bro 😂 (Also, memento mori friend)

[@reyisnull]

Memento Mori

[@kayladearmanmusic2795]

*The clock doesn’t dismiss you, my glock does*

[@grimm5354]

KaylaDearmanMusic my new catchphrase

[@pastelhotmess9299]

Don't watch the clock or else ya gonna get GLOCKED

[@Andyatl2002]

The School Shooters favorite line

[@conner3626]

@@acardboardbox9386 you said the exact same thing accept much less badass

[@BurntSushi.]

The glock doesn't dismiss you, I do (Said in the context of someone being hired to shoot guns to mark the breaks and new periods)

[@firefliesecho186]

I thought this was going to be about complicated technology or ridiculous names... I was pleasantly surprised

[@neegas3490]

😂

[@katiearbuckle9017]

Well it was a Video from 2 years ago. We legit didn't know 2 years ago we would be in a Pandemic

[@superlolgal555]

Same lol

[@captainjirk9564]

actually it was about both of these (He mistakes the safety and also says some questionable names)

[@amberreed5324]

I thought it was gonna be about memes being taught in classes as literature

[@nosferaatu]

we had a lockdown last year because a student had a gun on campus but my teacher made us continue our test and MADE POPCORN while all the other classes actually got down and treated it seriously. also this year a kid literally got shot on our campus and then after the student was found and arrested, they made us continue our classes because it happened during second period. gotta love the american public school system

[@raykings5244]

The first one isn't the systems fault. That is an individual. And the second one isn't really an issue. The threat was resolved so whats the problem with resuming classes? The danger is gone.

[@raykings5244]

@@genericname8727 You have a good point. But have you seen how Jamaican kids reacted to that huge earthquake hitting them. They were having a good time and cracking jokes. Due to desensitization people have become accustomed to death. Your point is very good and I can agree if the students were truly rattled they should be able to go home. But an argument can be made to have them stay.

[@taylorsouthall4095]

@@raykings5244 First of all, Linnea, sorry you had to go through such a traumatic event. Hope you and everyone affected by these incidences have recovered and you feel safe again at your school

[@raykings5244]

@@taylorsouthall4095 I believe you misunderstand the situation. The situation was someone was found to have a gun and no one was shot. If someone was shot I 100% agree that you should be able to go home. Also I'm not Jamaican. I'm talking about the video where it shows multiple groups of Jamaicans during the earthquake.

[@taylorsouthall4095]

@@raykings5244 Can't tell if you're a troll or just a very bad skim reader

[@apertureAI-jw1iz]

I lost it when the crouwd realized what was up with the permit part.

[@SamuraiBonesie]

We are the first few to come upon this algorithmic gold

[@DarkTigress]

We're the chosen one

[@trickytreyperfected1482]

Alternate Title: The gun with infinite ammo

[@JOkay-hv2rn]

LOL My thoughts exactly

[@weirdskyreallyweird.5519]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/qmeyc55vjqd_h7c ^basically this video

[@skepticmoderate5790]

I counted. He only fires 8 rounds. A standard Glock 19 mag holds 15 rounds. So this is actually realistic in that regard.

[@trickytreyperfected1482]

@@skepticmoderate5790 I couldn't care less about guns, but I will say thank you for pointing that out. I did not know that and it's kind of a cool fact. Thanks!

[@devious5744]

OG lunafactions?

[@personyperson8454]

The bell doesn’t dismiss you, this shell does.

[@markcampos2735]

The collective ohhh with the permit joke is so funny

[@thecollector8802]

I found this funny when I first watched it because it seemed a bit to exaggerated to ever really be realistic. Now it’s starting to hit a bit to close to reality and I’m starting to be concerned.

[@thegreensunsetgroup2501]

I mean, it does say near future!

[@CitanulsPumpkin]

It took me scrolling through the comments to realize this was from 4 years ago and not 4 weeks ago when the republican response to Uvalde was calling this exact thing to become the new normal.

[@jackmiddleton2080]

Are we already in some Orwellian world where real comedy is only done underground in front of other real comedians. Like is there a fingerprint door lock to this place?

[@gabemerritt3139]

No it's posted onto the internet for anyone to see

[@Nihilist_Porcupine]

Uhhhh, no. The Upright Citizen's Brigade pours out tons of mainstream comedians/actors. Amy Poehler, Audrey Plaza, Ben Schwartz, like half the cast (and probably crew, too) of CollegeHumor. These are the people that will be mainstream tomorrow. Difference could be that these guys are still young and hungry with little to lose, so they're okay with taking comedic risks that could get them skewered alive by the general public. Or that they're not yet subject to the broadcasting rules of a multimedia conglomerate or the FCC. Who knows. But this is definitely not a secret.

[@rokronroff]

Bruh UCB is one of the most well-known comedy clubs in the US.

[@beanieguitarguy4070]

“This sounds like that book I haven’t read!!”

[@andreww830]

Ah yes, the laugh-cry. Or is it the cry-laugh? This is peak gallows humor and it's great

[@NefKamerzon]

2:31 "and of course, our school police officers to protect you" this was bad then, but now... It aged like milk

[@hyperhero2]

Even more now.

[@Chelsea-ze9yz]

this channel needs a tv show, like mash

[@lunargeographer]

We had a kid caught with weed and a gun in his backpack. (Also, we were taking a practice ACT and they didn’t even care to let us know)

[@JOkay-hv2rn]

Anyone who’s taken a practice ACT test knows this is a rational action.

[@Blewlongmun]

Weed is so common in schools now it’s not even shocking. Literally have seen/done drug deals In class. You’re next to the guy, they throw you the money, you slip whatever in their pocket. Weed mainly but I know people who’ve done/been caught with way worse and that’s just what the school found out about.

[@marshall9003]

Did they expel/suspend him?

[@hotpotato1898]

a kid in my year deals fake lsd to the year below us..

[@gabemerritt3139]

There wasn't a day that went by that weed was not in my highschool

[@Amy3422]

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

[@LilSpaceFreckles]

Assasination classroom in a nutshell

[@rwnmrr]

The fact that we are currently reading The Scarlet Letter in class right now...

[@margaretthemagnificent]

Found this the day after the Ulveda shoot-out.

[@runningsandwich]

Present day Florida

[@zayra4039]

yup

[@terrifictomm]

So "Duck and Cover" has been replaced with "Active Shooter" drills? Makes perfect sense.

[@rivercat26]

Actually no. We have the same drills. There are no drills for a shooter already on campus, we just use the other ones

[@chimblemasterofchimney4771]

The funniest part was when he mentioned a safety on a glock.

[@user-mh9dx7nz2r]

I loved when he started saying ethnic names.

[@sollohubcullen]

This aged well

[@ahobbit1273]

I'm going to be a teacher, and this is one of the major reasons why I'm glad I don't live in America.

[@benzranger1425]

this is a slight exaggeration.

[@marshall9003]

Slight

[@alphaleonis6252]

Slight indeed😅

[@bepisthebenis5111]

I’m going to be a person with a somewhat functioning prefrontal correct so I’m glad I don’t live wherever you live

[@rileyslattery8776]

Nah, the government would never let this happen dude. They would most likely ban guns in schools...oh wait, they did. And yet school shooters still manage to get guns in school somehow...

[@gagevallery4256]

The other day the school police officer had stood in the open doorway of my home room class and randomly said “I just shoot all your students” cause my teacher had her door open cause she just got in there- I love America❤️🤍💙

[@dragontea6426]

Where Texas is headed

[@RositaDoyle]

CW (Content Warning) for anyone watching this in later years: there is both sparse, punctuated gunfire in this video as well as heavy background gunfire. If you have been in a school shooting or have trauma related to hearing gunfire (such as past combat), you may want to click away from this video to avoid an unwanted trauma response.

[@roedoresdeoliveira]

wow that is just... SO RANDOM got me good

[@ZgermanGuy.]

It's nice of the school to provide us with a instruction video

[@forlandm]

Europeans: "Huh?!"

[@thecurseddinkleberg4086]

This reminds me of that south park episode.

[@raisinbrancerealofficial]

Ok but this was literally the 2017-2018 school year, especially 2:55

[@BrynnofStone]

This hits different in 2021

[@Ca1vin-X]

This...is...BRILLIANT!

[@rubycosmo6279]

The most hilarious part is the implication that young kids need a license/permit in every state.

[@saccharinestrawberry203]

he looks like one of my subs I had in 8th grade

[@shopwith_morgan]

The audience moaning was so rude. This was great.👏

[@termy3934]

Kinky*

[@vincentdavis2606]

It was more like "ohhh"-ing lol

[@franciscoegurrola6193]

this confirms the theory that kaitlyn benitt is a time traveler from the future.

[@Loaf_0f_Bread]

He then remembered that they were in a two story building on the first floor.

[@janet9177]

The bell actually scared me for a sec lmao

[@dreamwish286]

Hopefully in the near future the school system won’t be so bad the teachers want to quit

[@cameronjadewallace]

I'm gonna tell my kid this is Assassination Classroom

[@Lkat.]

Wow, reading all the stories in the comments really makes me glad I live in Canada.

[@CitanulsPumpkin]

I keep waiting for news that Canada has started building a border wall because things are getting so out of control down here.

[@Snowy_Breeze]

I like it.

[@kayzeaza]

It took me a second when he was listing those names

[@greninjazac4577]

Plot twist: the rejected permits are from Irish students as well

[@5_sets_of_triangle_pasta]

why?

[@greninjazac4577]

@@5_sets_of_triangle_pasta time for you to freshen up on Irish names m8

[@lucioscarafiocca9589]

This is amazing.

[@littleodin911]

Its a shame Of Mice and Men wasn't the book they were reading

[@aaronk8440]

This was fucking hilarious and dark.

[@SarahJonestoo]

Wow. And a great last line.

[@kazuyakenzaki1320]

Someguy in the audience:WA HAHAHAHA

[@aiieeee5166]

This is so clever!! The whole way through

[@zherajohnson2853]

so spicy i had to spit it back out. ouch

[@theblanketfortcohort7332]

Is there a name for comedy that scares the shit out of you because this is it

[@zSpirall]

Ohhhhh... lord help us... it's more then likely sadly true...

[@dionreed5388]

Hwhat is this this funny af page that I have just stumbled apon!?

[@meastrosity]

god, little did they know -2020

[@lisayuan]

can someone explain the permit bit :( and the names.. guns aren't legal where i live so i dont really get the reference

[@vincentdavis2606]

Gun permits are given to people that aren't considered "risks" or those that aren't on the suspected terrorist list. It's almost laughable how easy it is to get one, but the joke is that those names are traditionally Islamic so they are implied to be on the suspected terrorist list in the U.S.

[@lisayuan]

@@vincentdavis2606 OMG hahahahaha thank you !!

[@feefee6889]

It’s gonna be an anime future. Where the kids in school fight with their magical weapons and go fight crime

[@inkterp5322]

PEAK SATIRE

[@terrifictomm]

This is Art Imitating Life. Are ya'll forgetting, or are you too young to have ever heard, about the Arkansas school shooter event about 30 years ago? Where a fourth grader, I believe he was, was in some tall grass over the playground shooting at students? A teacher went to his car, got his weapon, snuck up on the kid, and stopped him. Without killing him. Funny that. We didn't have school shooters back in the 50s and 60s, when schools had shooting clubs and boys could bring their rifles to school for shooting practice after.

[@CitanulsPumpkin]

We didn't have mass shootings before right wing media started telling all the angry teenagers in the world that the immigrants, and the non whites, and the feminazis, and the non christians were going to come for them in the night. But go ahead and stick to your gun club fantasy. I'm sure that will pan out.

[@cactuskaktus6734]

This is what Europeans think the U.S is like

[@kjkiefcakes1847]

Holy fucking shit lmao

[@hannahyoung2137]

That’s just now. In Texas

[@wafflefalafel9442]

I want to say this video should have no dislikes but it has 69 dislikes and I think thats pretty nice

[@wh1msical796]

He sounds like Mr. Garrison but with a deeper voice

[@NotAGraveRobber]

Haha jokes on you we are online

[@jasoncuriale8613]

Still relevant today

[@Black_pearl_adrift]

KZbin keeps recommending me small comedians, this is some spicy content tho.

[@nihiladest3492]

This whole channel is spicy. I love this man. :)

[@LoveNeko64]

I wish we did this in theater college.

[@abdouker7092]

Yaaaaas same and now I’m kinda obsessed

[@presidenttheo565]

We had a gun scare at my school a few days ago and I couldn't think about anything but this sketch for the whole two hours we were hiding during lockdown.

[@JOkay-hv2rn]

This is the true power of comedy!

[@cipher88101]

They put metal detectors in your school yet? They should.

[@presidenttheo565]

@@cipher88101 You're 100% right, they definitely should, but they haven't. Pretty sure we don't have the budget for it.

[@ruth3431]

America is truly shocking.

[@bayroncalderon9025]

In my freshman year a kid got beat up in lunch and he ran off from school, later the intercom came on and they mentioned a special code and my teacher turned white and had us help barricade the door. Turns out he was on his way back with a gun. They caught him before he got to our school. Years later I survived a mass shooting at an event in my town...shits fucked up sometimes :/

[@bellawilliams347]

We had a drill in freshman year and my English teacher no joke said “I’m gonna keep teaching till I hear some gunfire”.

[@sentienttapioca5409]

Bella Williams Holy shit, that’s terrifying.

[@sophiam3940]

We had a lockdown during a geometry quiz and my 50-something woman teacher told us to keep taking our quizzes because we didn’t have time to hide in the corner and that if the “scary gun man” came that she’d protect us. I got a good grade on the quiz though, so that’s good

[@doubleh333lix]

my seventh grade homeroom teacher was actually the person who alerted the rest of his school when a student was threatening his class with a gun. he took everything super seriously and it made it more real for all of us.

[@thecurseddinkleberg4086]

The fuck is going on over der

[@noelle3780]

We had a lockdown once, and some kids were waving their airpod cases by the door, and joked about using the led lights on the case to atract a shooter. Thank god it was a drill.

[@bigpetesbigbeats5346]

I wish SNL did sketches as ballsy as this

[@HeyitsBri_]

Peter Forbes they would never lol

[@XanderHarris1023]

The anti media squad would definitely have a problem with this.

[@nkwari]

right!!! SNL won’t. they won’t even mention police shootings in Black Jeopardy.

[@robweb2928]

Nothing ballsy about this

[@charlieal12]

I feel like this is what MadTv (not including that terrible reboot season) would have done if they were still around lol

[@stormcloudsabound]

The least realistic thing about this is the fact that any of the students remember anything about The Scarlet Letter.

[@gabemerritt3139]

Well none of them really did tbh

[@homicidalfruitcake]

i felt like i was the only one in my entire class who enjoyed that book LMAO

[@salvadorelastname9095]

@@homicidalfruitcake Same, so many people online seem to hate it, but I actually enjoyed it

[@captainjirk9564]

I still remember some things and 10th grade was many years ago

[@kayzeaza]

@@salvadorelastname9095 I think it’s hard for some people to read plus being made to read it and fill out questions do quizzes or tests. If those same people just casually read it they might like it. I was frustrated reading it in class for these reasons but I ultimately liked the book long after reading it

[@ktsterlin9304]

“Discrimination... as a theme... I’m just not buying it” Had me crying!

[@justas423]

The previous joke with the names is the set up though.

[@trickytreyperfected1482]

@@justas423 yes. Yes it was

[@Echo-tl7wh]

@@trickytreyperfected1482 Consume. Enhance. Replicate.

[@SnowofLight]

"Emily? Oh, I see you're pointing at Mohammed"

[@rpcsa8]

I can’t tell if this aged like FineWine or Milk, it feels like it aged like Saturated Whiskey

[@ilovecheez7769]

It aged like milk, and became cheese.

[@rpcsa8]

Ilove Cheez good point

[@Molly-lz1kr]

It aged like Fine Wine no one can change my mind

[@CitanulsPumpkin]

It took me scrolling through the comments to realize this video wasn't from a week after the Uvalde shooting. This bit hasn't aged at all.

[@one_smol_duck]

Oh my GOD. I assumed this was going to be like, kids with weird names specific to what's popular now or something. I DIED laughing when the gun came out

[@Widdekuu91]

Same here, I expected him to go; 'Stacy? Steaciey? Steezuy? Steuyzae?' etc.

[@ghost_face_miller]

"Get down, draw your guns and make peace with god jist in case." 😂😂😂😂😭😭😭

[@TheKyleFyles]

"Missed every shot. You know what they say, those who can't..." such a delightful ending to such a fucked up skit.

[@namkedi]

I don't get it :(

[@noreasonatall3852]

@@namkedi The saying goes "those who can't, teach" :)

[@falnica]

sometimes the algorithm works

[@sketchynate9323]

Just an average day in America

[@Azurek1991]

0:18 The school providing the teacher with a gun but not bullets is so accurate.

[@Leron...]

Every year this sketch inches further along the spectrum from comedy to prophecy...

[@marvinvogtde]

More like every week

[@CitanulsPumpkin]

I legit just saw this for the first time and thought it was from a week after Uvalde and all the republicans advocating for this exact thing to happen.

[@marmo20]

This went HARD and i LOVED IT. Ive been being recommended this one for a while now and finally watched it and was far from disappointed

[@CV-Moore]

In the near future? Isn't this the present in Texas?

[@re0294]

Tentative yes

[@rileyslattery8776]

No

[@JOkay-hv2rn]

As a former teacher in Texas...yes.

[@violetholiday]

I'm currently writing this in a school bathroom in Texas, no.

[@cipher88101]

Comedy is an exaggeration of a subject. That is all.

[@artemisfowl1790]

Everyone would have so much hearing loss

[@JOkay-hv2rn]

Haha, great username. RIP Commander Root, the real OG

[@termy3934]

They're so deaf they can't hear which one is the like or dislike

[@yoitscattystylelady5350]

What was that? Couldn't hear you.

[@Widdekuu91]

On a serious note, I recall asking my mother why Cartoon Network had so many guns. All the old 80's/90's cartoons included bad guys in orange clothes, guns and stuff about dollar-bills. My mom tried to explain that America was a far-away-country that had different morals when it came to humans. She drew the line when I started painting 'a seat with a bowl-hat with wires that makes you sleepy', which I thought was a massage-chair. From that day on, I wasn't allowed to watch the cartoons unless mom sat nearby to explain. She didn't want me thinking that deathpenalties were normal.

[@SirEriol]

Your mom did a good job in that regard.

[@Widdekuu91]

@@SirEriol Thanks haha. I was about 8 when I discovered Cartoon Network, before that, she had VHS-tapes with pre-recorded films and episodes that I watched. Most of it from the 60's and 70's, so I have a childhood that is really vintagey-retro. I can talk to 50-60-year olds about their childhood and relate to it. Really weird. But I did get to enjoy the really properly handmade stuff and puppetry and youknow..the classics, so that's nice. Around the age of 8, PowerPuffgirls came to sortof...ruin that haha.

[@rivercat26]

I'm literally American and I was never allowed to watch cartoon network

[@Widdekuu91]

@@rivercat26 Hahaha, it's funny how you say you're literally American, whereas I'd expect you to say; 'I was literally never allowed-' instead. xD In hindsight, I also think my mom didn't like cartoon network because of the effect it had on my energylevels. I'd start hitting my sister over the head with a book, because Tom and Jerry did it, or I'd start jumping off of things or running, because in the cartoon they did it too. And whenever she put on a calm, 'let's read a story together'-video instead (or even better, a casette-tape with Bert and Ernie) I'd sit still and draw for about an hour or two.

[@rivercat26]

@@Widdekuu91 Lol, I put "literally" in front of American because the topic of my sentence was that you're NOT an American and watched american cartoons, and yet I AM an American and I didn't. The "literally" being in front of not being allowed to watch the show makes the topic more on the fact that I wasn't allowed, and not the comparison. At least to me. I think that made more sense in my head. Or it could be location-based differences in linguistics. Idk. And yeah that makes sense, that's good on your mom for her parenting

[@RinkuChan333]

You present this as satire, but my brother's high school literally went into lockdown his senior year and one of the teachers refused to let students take cover because "well I'll protect you if a shooter comes our way" So just think about that for a second

[@rivercat26]

My high school went into lockdown, but my entire class thought it was just a drill and we continued class except with the doors and windows shut/locked (it was a student teacher) until the teacher got a text from our real teacher saying "It's not a drill, it isn't on the calendar" and we finally turned the lights off and such. Our class was just like six people and the student teacher, so we pointed the projector at the whiteboard and played hangman while the student teacher sat in a chair next to the door. Don't know what he thought he was gonna do there but-

[@PhoenixT70]

Maybe the teachers _should_ have a gat, then. Hell, I'd be open to high school seniors being armed if they're 18 and can get a permit. They'd have to keep it safe; keep the magazine out of the piece, trigger lock on, that sort of thing, but I'd have felt a lot safer in high school with a gat in my bag.

[@seventeenraccoonsinatrenchcoat]

@@PhoenixT70 "guys, we got a big problem, kids are getting their hands on guns and shooting up schools!!" "I have your solution, give more kids guns"

[@PhoenixT70]

@@seventeenraccoonsinatrenchcoat American problems require American solutions.

[@realdragon]

Makes a lot of sense to not take any actions against shooter and rely on a guy who doesn't have training. There's stereotype americans are stupid but with teachers like that I can't blame them

[@jilliamdelacruz1481]

That just sooooo .... random 😂

[@micahguillemette3344]

Yeah, totally, its not like that would ever happen in real life, LOL

[@mississlippi]

Jilliam De la cruz you mean... relevant?

[@Szeptun]

@@micahguillemette3344 that's a quote from a sketch. Teacher says that after he finds out all his non-white students doesn't get their permits granted.

[@micahguillemette3344]

@@Szeptun Okay, so?

[@boyboy2000ful]

If I had a teacher like this, I'd have something to say everytime my parents asked me how school was that day.

[@boyboy2000ful]

@@maydayjanette226 no its the teacher!

[@hookyhook6006]

This is an attack on American ideals... All students should be equipped with a protective IPM1 Abrams armored vehicle. This is underwhelmingly inaccurate.

[@rodentia1474]

Well yea exactly, it’s an attack on shitty ideals that harm people 😳

[@maxthexpfarmer3957]

Well, that would make them safer. Even if they shot at each other, no one would get hurt! If would be dangerous for anyone not in a tank, though.

[@hookyhook6006]

@@rodentia1474 This was a joke fyi.

[@kolourfulneco]

“I just realized that this is insane.” Me thinking he’s talking about the weapons in school. “The S and F look the same! They need to do something about that.” Me:🤦🏾

[@rivercat26]

That's the point

[@theunreadyone]

congrats you got the joke

[@TheNanamariam]

im happy to have fallen upon these

[@jillianbrodsky]

I love that they don’t spell out the jokes for you, so good

[@gabemerritt3139]

I'd hate to see a spelled out joke

[@ilovecheez7769]

J-O-K-E

[@thatguythere6161]

A B C D E F GUN

[@ivymoody4238]

Me: * goes into this thinking it's about covid* *Sees time it was posted * Three minutes later: ooohhh right, it couldn't have been done recently

[@orbitalpudding3420]

i think its still realistic because they're not wearing masks and honestly with the guns it would make sense

[@ivymoody4238]

@@orbitalpudding3420 can't argue with that

[@omnilisk279]

This hasn't even aged. We sure this wasn't made yesterday?

[@FerbALot-NerdsVsGeeks-]

"Whats a major theme in The Scarlet Letter? Letters? I hope your are joking." That is all I got from the book as well though...

[@KingOfMadCows]

"In the meantime, you guys can just count on me, your fellow students, and of course our school police officers to protect you." Yeah, about the police protecting school kids...