CHRISTMAS DAY DISASTERS - Toni and Ryan Podcast

[@melvasaiel]

My husband found out about the xylitol in a particularly unfortunate way. His job involves search-and-rescue, and one day he was out searching a river for a drowned victim's body. He knew it was going to be a long day, so he bought a bag of candy to snack on. He grabbed the sugar-free variety, thinking it'd be "healthier" and then ate through the whole bag in like an hour. He spent the rest of the day searching the river for this dead body, a somber task....interspersed every twenty minutes or so with having to pull up to a river bank, clamber out of the boat, and shit himself in the bushes.

[@ellecapone1337]

I’m so sorry lmao all I can think of is “What if he accidentally shit on the body of the poor person who happened to wash up on the edge of the lake? Like oh damn i need to shit*shits* …*Looks down* oh shii-😮” 😂 I’m so sorry lol

[@thedrunkenelf]

“Grab a towel” Well Ryan would grab a towel wouldn’t he.

[@abizersodawalla]

if you know you know!

[@ameliorated]

Yep!

[@EricaGamet]

I only discovered these two awesome people a week ago and that is right where MY mind went! 🤣

[@lifetheslowway]

I will never get over that story. How could you Ryan!

[@pangeaforever]

@@EricaGamet same!

[@jasmine.lavender]

Three Christmas’s ago 16 members of my family got such bad food poisoning we all ended up in the ER. Only three people didn’t get it. I think we were the only family to lose weight over Christmas that year.

[@kazzuo32]

Did you find out what food was that poison you and who cooked????

[@jasmine.lavender]

@@kazzuo32 We *think* it might’ve been the bacon in the potato salad.

[@AussieCrimeCases]

it was the foraged mushrooms@@kazzuo32

[@boiifyoudontfaggumas4648]

​@@jasmine.lavenderbacon is already cooked tho

[@NikkiM6593]

That is ho ho horrendous

[@amuppet8855]

Not a disaster, but my sister when in to labour two weeks early and my little nephew was born on Christmas Day. Christmas in a hospital holding my first nephew was one of my best Christmas'

[@ToniandRyan]

That sounds like the best christmas ever!

[@shelleycurreen1182]

Poor kid though

[@macgirl1234]

Oh my gosh. The slideshow one is out of control awful. I'm crying😂😂 you could never go home again.

[@alderblanco2362]

I love hearing stories about Aussie Christmas. Growing up in America surrounded by THICK winter branding for Christmas, it can be hard to imagine a solidly summer Christmas. But hot damn if it isnt a party!

[@livingmylifeinmonotone8966]

“Grab a towel”. Didn’t YOU do that, Ryan? Lol I remember that story.

[@thejakker6369]

STAT!!😫

[@markalexander3659]

"Grab a towel" - NOT AGAIN, RYAN!!

[@gavdownes100]

9 year old me in our own very first actual house. "Can I open a present before you wake up?" mum "Yes but just one"...... I open EVERY SINGLE PRESENT!!! "I don't even know who half of these are supposed to be for!" Yes... like a drunk person... I just got very excited, but Christmas lost a lot of meaning and joy for me on that day. Almost 50 years later and it still plays so heavily on my mind

[@nikitadonley5990]

One year I was babysitting around Christmas. 2 kids under 3, both still in diapers but one was potty training. While I was dealing with the baby and the toddler took his poo filled diaper off and proceeded to use it to paint the floor and bathroom door and when I tried to catch him he ran into the living room and shook his poo covered hands and I watched tiny chunks of poo fly into the fake tree. There was no finding it... There was no cleaning it... There were presents underneath. 😫🤢

[@naturalcambion3747]

One year my cousin was viciously attacked by a raccoon at our Christmas party and got his nipple bitten off. The whole backyard looked like an abattoir! 😳

[@irritatedpotato224]

I'm so sorry but I would be laughing my ass off as I battled that racoon off cousin 😂

[@stac-ey4443]

These episodes just get better and better.

[@raeshelmcleod307]

Got stuck in a lift with guy I just met and a joint ,the local parramatta fire brigade had to get us out with jaws of life machine completely wreaking the doors ,we laughed so hard whole time was hilarious ❤

[@47angel47]

Please don't compare stuffing turkey to someone stuffing Maddie... legit dying laughing. That poor girl!

[@terramarini6880]

Right before Christmas my dad helped himself to the cash mom had saved to fix the stove to go to a poker game... He lost it all and mom was pi%%ed! In order to save his hide he went to the cronies that took his dough and they sent him home with a toaster oven (he actually thought that was acceptable) Mom was forced to try to cook our Christmas meal in a toaster oven... It caught on fire and ended up a flaming missile out our front door. He spent the rest of the winter out on his trap line, too scared to come home after she went after him with the splitting axe when he laughed at the flaming missile. Yeah, she snapped. I laugh now.

[@podwithknonymous]

Good old xylitol. Just make sure no doggos get food with that in it, apparently it is not good for them AT ALL 😬

[@aqacefan]

That’s the direction I thought the story was headed, that the dog got into the tea and got xylitol poisoning.

[@kaylaaranda1029]

Toni winking at the last name Cox 😂❤

[@spectrumwarrior9560]

In regards to the slideshow story. .that's a "go no contact" situation for me LOL

[@cthornton0706]

Every Christmas we go to my grandmas in the French quarter in New Orleans and we alway go to hole in the wall bar , all of us grandkids, and play Nintendo wii and get sauced after we’ve all finished eating with the rest of the family. It’s the Same bar every year

[@tigerkitten8352]

You two crack me up so much. I love y'all!

[@ariadne0w1]

around Christmas, not day of, but the whole family was at my grandparents because my grandma was dying and it was obviously going to be the last time. We were getting family photos taken, people were leaving the next day, absolutely no way to reschedule, and I was desperately ill. Out of 15 people I was the only one with good poisoning or whatever. Coming out of both ends, on the toilet holding a bucket, etc. And we HAD to go to this photography studio. So I went, and...went between every group photo. Nightmare. I still laugh every time I look at those pictures because I am visibly ill in them, didn't use to think I could get any whiter but there I am straight-up blanched, wan, with the most pasted-on smile on my face.

[@dion789]

My dad called me while my boyfriend of about 3 months sat next to me whether I was going to ask him to join us for christmas with the whole family (including aunts and uncles, nieces and nephews, etc). I hadn't planned to, but my boyfriend heard my dad through the phone so I felt I had to ask him. By the time he joined us for christmas another 3 months later our relationship already wasn't going so well any more and it was super awkward to introduce him to my whole family. For him it was even worse.

[@greyhaircrafter]

I would be grabbing mama’s precious crystal candlesticks and hurling them directly at the tv

[@JennyShull]

I have not heard of Christmas Lunch till I watched Toni and Ryan’s KZbin videos.

[@jaydee5638]

I was due to give birth on December 15, my baby came 10 days late and ended up being born at around 11 AM on Christmas morning. Leading up to it I just kept saying I don’t want to be stuck in a hospital on Christmas, turns out it wasn’t that bad and I got a great Christmas present

[@jasmingovers4403]

You guys should put the whole podcast on a different channel especially for the show! It's so good! You guys are hilarious and Toni's expressions are amazing!

[@elizabethdrew2421]

Every year for Thanksgiving my brother would fist fight my drunk Crack head uncle. They have both passed on, but I miss it. Holidays are so quiet now. We all sit around and talk about the best fighting moves from years past.

[@pinkpiggy7868]

I have to know was there a designated commentator for the fight? Also sorry for your loss❤

[@deathbloom27]

​@@pinkpiggy7868 right? I have so many questions. Who would usually win? Did they place bets? Was there a designated room to fight in or was it just wherever it would pop off? Did he wait for the crack head uncle to start talking shit or was it on sight? What a blast. The first time my two older brothers saw each other in 10 years, one went to prison and the other was in the military, they drank 2 fifths of Jager and ended up fighting all over the yard. The younger one in the military was a state champion wrestler so it was interesting but he destroyed the eldest. It was awesome.

[@pinkpiggy7868]

@@deathbloom27 lol that's a great story in its own right and you rise a lot of good questions

[@tatchik77]

I want to have "Call em out Christmas" but nobody is down! 😏

[@josh6715]

Thankfully in my house we have 3 toilets and 3 showers so if the long haul hits straight into the shower

[@cthornton0706]

My brother came out to me one Christmas also.. I obviously already knew but he wasn’t sure I did lol. We were on Bourbon Street in New Orleans

[@avsambart]

The last story, why would you even take such pics on someone else's phone to begin with?! That's so nasty.

[@Seabasstard22]

8:42 digital picture frame album

[@evilwife7188]

The dam cloud at it again 😂😂😂😂

[@RebelRose31]

"Adopting yourself out" 🤣

[@oliviamee9810]

It wasnt a disaster but I was born Christmas Day in 1998. My mum went into labour at 220am Xmas morning and 18 hours later I was born at 650pm. What a day!!

[@zoeyjackson5974]

That last story, no way 😂😂 she brought it on herself by even sending the photos from her mums phone 😂

[@10-OSwords]

Xylitol, malitol & sorbitol: all cause the runs, always in gum & sugar free chocolate/candies.

[@kaydelahunty3789]

My mum was not the best cook and one Christmas she gave all of us food poisoning and we were all arguing over whos getting onto the toilet 😂 funnily though my mum didn't get sick cast iron stomach

[@littlepumpkinseed]

Hahahaha that is horrible! A friend of mine her birthday was coming up. She wanted to go to a sushi restaurant for her birthday with me and another friend. The other friend assured us we had to try this restaurant. She would not change her mind. So in the end we went with her pick. That day. She cancelled, and the birthday girl and I went. I got the woooorst seafood poisoning ever 😅😅😅 what a birthday that was!

[@annanguyen345]

@@littlepumpkinseedshe knew what she was doing with you and the bday girl

[@pineappledeedee1705]

Oh, Maddie Maddie Maddie... Play stupid games, win stupid prizes, love. 🤦🏻‍♀️

[@bethbovey7566]

We had the Christmas where one kid was tossing up, one got appendicitis and I had strep throat!! Good times, only matched by the Easter Norovirus outbreak 😂

[@irritatedpotato224]

OMG 😱😂 glad everyone survived the holidays!

[@anaa.1494]

RIP, Maddie :)))))

[@lirael423]

"...sugar substitute called xytinol..." OH NO NOT THE XYLITOL!!!!!! 🤣🤣🤣

[@blueeyedbaer]

Oooh, I have a bad one Christmas day disaster: my grandfather died on Christmas day, after Christmas lunch.

[@CuoriRubati]

"I used a sugar substitute-" Diarrhea? Yep, diarrhea.

[@2008eviemummy]

I was pregnant one Christmas, and cooked all the food, then couldn't eat anything because of nausea and "morning" sickness.

[@Craider79]

2:37 and in certain states you have to build a barrier tween the cousins and ... it's a whole mess.

[@littlewoot]

We discover we all had headlice 😩 and needed to go to the emergency pharmacy for shampoo

[@Emeraldwitch30]

If it ever happens again use a big amount of mayonnaise and plastic wrap. Glob it on and wrap securely for about 3 to 4 hours. It suffocates the itchy buggers and then wash well and use the comb to comb through and get every nit and left over critter out. Then if you can and aren't allergic to it get some coconut oil with a few drops of tea tree oil in and rub it throughout your hair and if long braid it. They hate oily hair and I use a shower cap or more plastic wrap to keep the oil in for 24 hours. I kept the little metal nit combs as always keep an eye on my little grandchildren. They've infested me 2 times. But it was caught the very first day because gran watches for scratching and because im allergic to lice bites. One bite it swells up like a giant itchy bee sting. So usually its not too bad of a go. The main key point my dr said was to use that little comb every day for at least a week. That these little things are becoming immune to the pesticides. And the mayonnaise trick works a charm. Its just 😝 gross! Lol May you never get the little critters again.

[@CreamAle]

17 people.. Even if they were the avg weight world wide of 60kg each.. That's still over 1000kg for a small residential elevator. The few extra seconds from the stairs up really seems nice after that cramped 4h in the elevator huh?

[@josh6715]

I have had the brown rain literally every on the beach shower etc because with anxiety you never know and it's usually explosive

[@saralynn518]

I’d be that one person in the elevator that softly starts singing The Little Drummer Boy

[@Jadae]

Better to start reminiscing scenes from Die Hard.

[@catbeara]

Xylitol is also poisonous to pets. 💔

[@ayeshab2726]

i was in hospital having a premy that was due ground hog day,,

[@farrahfarmer9287]

Late to this one but on Christmas day last year my ex was arrested and his mugshot appeared on the TV during dinner. My little boy is hollering Daddy's on TV! He's dead to us now 😂.

[@BebeCreate]

Every Christmas in my family there is always drama

[@adquilantang]

I found out (after too many sugar free popsicles and some googling) that aparently any sugar substitute ending in 'ol' will cause you to get the 'runs' when cunsumed in larger amounts (within a short period). I gave my mom a heads up to pace herself with them (or any sugar free sub ending in 'ol'). I continued to get the sugarfree for my mom, but got the regular ones for myself ( with summer heat it was too tempting/ easy to eat too much of the sugarfree)

[@aace2188]

With the last one…I would die

[@michellegulden1052]

I've been stuck in 2 different elevators. One for an hour, the other for about 20-30 mins.

[@MadCatPerson1977]

While the slideshow is up, ’Left Bank Two’ is playing in the background 🎶

[@sagenelson7723]

Ok but like what is the actual word for the zingadong?

[@rizzofromIndo]

it's Xylitol. A type of sweetener.

[@joshdavis5991]

@@rizzofromIndothanks

[@eggnorman]

This is less of a disaster, but last year the only surgery date my Mum was offered was the 21st, so she was still in recovery on Christmas so I was doing pretty much everything and making sure she didn't just die lmao

[@donaldkinsella]

once at my old job me and my friend hated the managers guts but my friend hated her more so me and my other friends fixed the secret santer names so thay got eachother i just loved i laughed so haed everytime i saw them together untill the day after xmas when i told my friend i she was not a very happy chappy pmsl made my year so

[@LayDownSisalgs]

Won't do Secret Santa any more. In an old job, it was Secret Santa lucky dip, so you had no idea who would pick out the gift you bought. Watched person after person pull out chocolates, mini bucks fizz, vouchers, getting progressively more nervous, for I had contributed, "The Little Book of Farts", which made a fart noise when opened. It was the last item picked out, and it went to the team manager. Who had zero sense of humour. The subsequent shocked silence was broken only by an electronic fart noise. No-one laughed. Never owned up. I feel better now. Sorry Tom.

[@atlantia]

When a friend of mine was younger on Christmas day, the oven door was open and the cat crawled into the bottom of the oven...............

[@msbee5183]

I FKN LOVE YOU TWO!!!

[@richardsinclair8499]

1975 in scotland suburbia.. my brother was just back from holiday and invited 2 London girls to visit a warning from our brother " dont stare or say anything bad" & no other explanation....in walks the 2 girls only fir my 95 year old granda to shout out ITS BONEY M...SING BROWN GIRL IN THE RING !!..bearing in mind none of us had ever seen a black person before..Granda was in his element and taught them the harmonica lol

[@PositiveZ7]

Bua ha ha ha ha, ahhhh ha ha ha… Two days later me still laughing Good segment

[@Live4Talent]

Watching this video on purpose to hear Toni tell me to get a life lol

[@brianrath8993]

I’m in Ryan. Damn he would make a great husbear!🥰

[@tatchik77]

I want to have a "Call 'em out Christmas"...none of my fam is down 🤔 THEY SUCK!

[@fluffychooks5615]

Tony actually pronounced xylotol (dunno how to spell it) right

[@michellewelling9074]

Zingadong 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣🤣🤣. Grab a towel 😳

[@biancaberwick5950]

Poor Maddie 😂😂😂

[@denisepoxon1437]

The mum leaving really hurts, her loss for sure

[@__m-a-x__]

Never trust the cloud lol

[@robynmorris6388]

I was due Christmas day but was 2 days early. Because I was a Christmas baby my mum wanted to name me Holly. My maiden name was Crawley. Yep. Holly Crawley🙄 Thank gawd some sort of universal interference occurred and I was named Robin instead. Le sigh.

[@Aziexxx]

I don't get it?

[@mummohacker]

If that last thing happened to me, I would move out of the country and change my name.

[@MissTirsty]

There is a reason I have never and will never take naked pic's of myself

[@brookelouise8765]

I would also advise not to eat an entire bag of gummy bears unless you want to be 💩🚽 all night 🥲

[@artiemuse]

the ppl stuck in the elevator farted happy fartmas.

[@kymharris269]

My BIL bought a new drone just before Christmas a few years back. He took great delight flying it over our place and my parents (we all live approx 600m apart from each other) in the days leading up to Christmas Day. On the day, while he was drunk and in the pool, I removed the memory card and placed it on the floor next to the drone. That did not go down well. Later, after we had gone home, he found out (he was even more drunk) and rang 100’s times about me Messi g with his drone. I apologised and told him we would sort it out the next day when we were all sober. That wasn’t good enough so he decided to pay us a visit. He terrorised the kids, abused the shit out of me, tried to get in a punch up with my husband and wouldn’t leave. I should have just called the cops. His wife, my sister, turned up. He left. She left. He went down to my parents and abused shit out of my mum. Then he left and drove around the neighbourhood looking for friends who were all out for Christmas. My sister was beside herself thinking he was going to leave her. He eventually returned home. Needless to say it fractured our family beyond repair. I’m just waiting for them to come crawling with hands out when my parents pass on and I’m left dealing with the estate.

[@acuteteacher]

It's not beyond repair. Make up with your family. You'll regret it someday if you don't.

[@SheWhoWalksSilently]

@acuteteacher What does she have to do with that problem? Yeah it’s her sister, but she was hardly involved.

[@breeanaoldham2634]

Xylitol also kills dogs. Christmas Eve the dog got some carrots cake, and died

[@boiifyoudontfaggumas4648]

:(

[@Plantbliss]

Ugh, my birth mother found me last year. It has not gone smoothly. I haven’t watched the videos Ryan did because there too much wrapped up. My stomach’s starting to hurt so gotta go….. avoid some more😳

[@biancaberwick5950]

😂😂😂

[@kayjose1673]

Grab a towel? Are we shitting in the towel, mate?

[@raquelroberts]

Any kind of sugar substitute, even in very small doses, does not do well with my body, LOL 💩 💩 💩 my old dentist used to give us a lollipop after we would see him and my mom was always trying to figure out why we had to go to the bathroom really bad before we could even make it home. She figured it out when we were about nine or 10, LOL. I say we because I have an identical twin sister and she has the same issues, LOL!

[@jodiradelet6131]

lol. dick pics at xmas for all to see. lololol. omg too funny.....you two are the greatest! loooove your content....and toni! you are one talented lady.......love your humour and your kind soul......you are the person i wish i could of had as a friend growing up....

[@michellegulden1052]

Xylitol

[@stephanieann6622]

The only excuse for the two women being brought is ones a bestfriend and ones his girl lmao that's so fucked

[@Pestsoutwest]

There is no way 17 people can all hold there pee for 4 hours.

[@homefries5557]

Does he have a condition? I’m new

[@danamartinez7840]

Who?

[@Rosarium2007]

@@danamartinez78402:23

[@Hey_Jamie]

I can’t STAND this awful background. Anyone with some sense would have known that you cut out the edge bricks from each side and interlock them that way so it’s SEAMLESS

[@voyance4elle]

Who swallows the chewing gum???

[@AussieCrimeCases]

if my son turned up with two different girls i would have a massive tantrum and shit under his christmas tree

[@10-OSwords]

Remember when Solange & Jay Z got stuck in an elevator? I wonder if that was on xmas?

[@mentat1341]

There is no mention in any religious text that Jesus was born on Christmas.

[@acuteteacher]

You are correct, but Christmas Day is the day we celebrate His birth, whether it was actually His birthday or not.

[@EmmaSeaward]

Listen, this is not at all relevant to you right now and it’s completely my own fault that I had no idea who guys were 2 years ago but I’m trying to go to sleep but your videos keep demanding I click them. Please, can you be less funny? I can’t cope! I’ve not slept in 17weeks!

[@whylogicalthinking]

Lol zor ba tall is how you pronounce it and yes that’s the chemical in gum lol