Psychology of a Hero: HULK and Anger Management

[@jillcooper6371]

My youngest son is autistic... I found when I felt myself getting too frustrated that stating the "Mommy needs a timeout." And putting myself in one as I would him... Not only helped me deal with my anger, but also helped my son realize timeouts are a good healthy thing. He puts himself in them most times now. Just something that helped us.

[@gothicMCRgirl]

You are so great for teaching your son that, but also teaching him that feeling anger is not a bad thing. I was often punished as a child just for being angry. Not even lashing out, sometimes I would just be visibly mad and that would be enough to get me scolded or yelled at by adults. I wasn’t allowed to express anger in any way. Thank you for letting your son feel his emotions and for teaching him how to healthily process them 💕

[@MerijnH]

Oh damn that's actually really, really clever. Never thought about it like that. That's some great parenting, well done!

[@jillcooper6371]

@@MerijnH thank you.

[@jillcooper6371]

@@gothicMCRgirl thanks.

[@meiruetsukino3578]

I kinda wish my mom had done that. Time out has always been a bad thing for me

[@xXDaRhTXx]

People seem to forget that Bruce was suicidal. Having him en Endgame going to a place where he is happy, integrated, confident and emotionally aware of himself and others is great character development.

[@masonjenks7636]

When I first the Avengers I didn’t picked that up. But know I do, I’m shocked about Bruce and shocked Cinema Therapy forgot to mention it

[@unknown_limes]

I think the problem with it is the last time we saw Bruce, the Hulk was scared and disconnected from Bruce, then we cut back to them and they've fully integrated into Professor Hulk- sick comics reference, but nobody other than the comic fans knows why or how this happened. The problem with no Hulk films after the first is a lot of his later character development ends up happening offscreen or in short bursts. He's the least visible of the "big four" from the original Avengers group, which is a shame because he's got the potential to be one of the best characters of the entire MCU

[@dr.insanity9087]

@@unknown_limes Yeah a lot of people disliked Professer Hulk because they got the feeling that it was essentially Banner piloting Hulk's body. I never saw the comics but even just from the movies I can see that it was something that could have been done better but it was a meshing of the two characters.

[@lilyofthevalley3059]

@@masonjenks7636 Why should they have mentioned it? How does Bruce being suicidal relate to the topic of the video which is anger management? They probably didn't mention it since it had nothing to do with the topic they were discussing. Mentioning it would not add anything to the discussion. I mean which part of the video would that piece of information expand upon?

[@WrensthavAviovus]

@@lilyofthevalley3059 the suicidal part was another way of Banner trying to remove himself and cut his anger out of the equation. Let me try to get rid of the menace I think I can be while smart rational Bruce is in control but Hulk jumps in and stops it. Like an earlier comment said the whole point of banner to professor hulk story was accepting that the hulk side wasn't just a unnecessary side effect it was integral to harnessing the power. Sadly, I don't know the hulk to prof hulk story from the comics but I would like to think that it would be more like the growth of banner accepting and owning the roles that hulk was made for.

[@madeleinesandemo7010]

I worked with a child with ADHD at a summercamp who's feelings where very strong. When he got mad he left the group, went in to the forest (not far in) and started breaking sticks on the side of a tree. I folowed the kid and helped him pile up sticks and afterwards we could have a good conversation about what had made him angry. This child had better anger management then most people I've met, I was so proud.

[@haleypirio921]

Thank you for allowing the kid to do what he needed to do to manage his emotions and being there as a nonjudgemental authority figure. Those are probably some extremely potent and wonderful memories of his. I know some of my fondest memories are of authority figures allowing me the time, space, and respect to manage my emotions when I needed to. I will never forget my high school math teacher. I was actually able to learn mathematical formulas (gaining a bit of confidence from it) because he let me pause and manage my frustration in whatever fashion I needed to.

[@pandorabox5532]

As someone with ADHD and anger management problems, I wish someone had let break sticks as a child. I would usually just get ignored during my 1 hour long meltdowns until I ended up crying and feeling sick.

[@Devin_Dean]

Was it me when i was a kid? Lol joking aside it’s kinda tragic what happened to me from struggling with ADHD and anger issues. I was angry cuz the world kept mistreating me and I never learned the tools or felt seen so the only way to feel seen was to brood or have a full blown meltdown. All of these issues eventually got me put in a psych ward and forced on meds like Ritalin and others at 8 years old. I’ve come a gargantuanly long way but still struggle with self love issues and overthinking all of my behaviors. You did a lot for that kid that day because something so simple as that can change lives when they may never get that.

[@LifeCoachTay]

Love This!❤ Great Work.

[@pippaschroeder4388]

harmlessly hitting or kicking things like a punching bag actually work very well.

[@kaylenvee8150]

My therapist told me something about anger that I still remember word for word. 'Anger is the part of you that loves you the most.' It shouldn't be confused with frustration, that's something else, but she basically said that when you get angry, it's the part of you that wants to protect you. It doesn't always gets it right or knows what to do, but when you're angry, you're often trying to defend yourself or something you love, like yelling because someone insulted you. It's like an agitated, overprotective dog. It loves you and wants to protect you, but sometimes in its quest to do that, it'll perceive things that AREN'T threats, as threats. To manage something like that, you don't shove it into a room somewhere and lock the door or try to tie it to a post with a leash. It will bark so loudly that you can't ignore it anymore, or it'll eventually bite through its leash. Instead, you spend time with it and learn to understand and appreciate it, try to train it to know what DEFINITELY is or isn't a threat the best you can, and make sure the dog never goes too far when it slips back into old habits and make sure to apologize.

[@samuelmutia9608]

Bro you just literally described the hulk

[@priscilawellausen9370]

What an amazing comment, I even took a print of It. Thank you!!!

[@Camibug]

@@priscilawellausen9370 I also took a screenshot of that comment! So helpful gonna talk to my therapist about this

[@ceebee2858]

That's a fantastic analogy! Thank you for sharing that

[@akodaah13-e32]

My therapist said something similar: Feeling angry and recognizing anger is healthy because when we feel it, it means there is injustice. We feel angry because people or situations are unfair

[@pukitaki]

Jono: "I didn't think I had an anger problem until I had kids." No truer words, man... I have literally had days when I just straight up told my kid, "Child, mommy is hulking out today. Please go away before I scream. Because I really don't want to scream at you." Hulk is also one of her favorite heroes, so it's good.

[@East_Coast_Toasty_Boy]

They can also calm you down???

[@East_Coast_Toasty_Boy]

hug them, share a moment and stuff???

[@mandi8345]

Make sure you give them cuddles and apologize for asking them to leave the room. And thank them for doing so. Remind them its not their fault, and you wanted to make sure they were safe from the rage monster. Also tell them 'you know what the rage monster wants now? ICE CREAM!!!' Then have them help you make you and them a little quick snack size bowl or cup of ice cream. And eat it while monster growling. DESTROY THE ICE CREAM!!! RAWR!!! Kids like the silly, be silly.

[@mandi8345]

@aenari OMG THIS!!!! I had an ex that was a 'fixer'. Shed get butthurt when id be fucked off and say things like 'what did I do?' 'How do I fix it?' Eventually I got her to realize it was expressly because she hadnt done anything to insight the state, Im just mentally messed up, that I wanted some space between her and I. It wasnt because she was a catalyst, it was because she was good to me (at the time....thats a whole different story) that I didnt want her in the splash zone. She even started venturing into the splash zone to 'hey big guy' me back to reality. Back rubs are a powerful thing, yall ;)

[@East_Coast_Toasty_Boy]

@aenari If you love your kids, you WON'T be angry.

[@samfisher6606]

I remember reading a really great theory on reddit that during Endgame, the original 6 avengers represent the five stages of grief. Black Widow is denial, she is trying to solve all the world's problems, acting as if nothing happened. Hawkeye is anger, going around killing people who didn't deserve to survive. Hulk is bargaining, finding a middle ground between Banner and Hulk. Thor is depression, staying inside all day, playing video games, eating his feelings, and getting fat. Tony is acceptance, having moved on and found peace. And Captain America is the counselor, as we see in the opening scene after the time jump.

[@MerijnH]

I absolutely love this theory. Also, about Widow, she's not only acting like it didn't happen, she's the only one actively trying to reverse the effect and find leads on how to undo it (until Scott arrives).

[@dclark142002]

Also, denial is the only one to die...because that's the one that you generally leave and don't return to?

[@marcopohl4875]

I've heard a version with Hulk as anger, and I always thought what you described would make more sense

[@b.b.2684]

Hulk is anger (he threw the bench in the lake) and Cap is sadness (he is seen crying)

[@MerijnH]

@@b.b.2684 They talk about the beginning of the movie, how they cope with the snap. Not how they cope with Nat's death (which is when Hulk threw the bench in the lake).

[@tookuni]

The second the “I'm always angry” line came out, I realized I had actually been angry all my life. It was my first encounter with the MCU and it had an enormous impact on me because of how cathartic it felt to hear that, especially since everything was so internalized that I had basically been rotting from the inside for years. I feel so lucky to have stumbled upon these movies. They've helped build a part of me I can be proud of :).

[@ariellak4867]

I can very much relate to to your description of rotting from the inside out. I was angry all through my childhood & that is how it felt, especially looking back on it. And I've seen the same in others close to me as well.

[@Asgardian30]

That's great. I'm proud of you.

[@tjtomenes]

That line means so much to me as well. Growing up, the Hulk was one of the heroes I identified with the most. Seeing him finally be looked at as a hero, and not a monster gave me so much hope as a child. It was the last piece I needed to be able to manage my anger. I'm glad many others feel the same as well.

[@bigslumpson7985]

@tookuni Id like to ask you and those that can relate to what you said, a question or two and then share my favorite rage machine and why. You said this made you aware of your rage and these movies have since helped. How have they helped you manage your anger and Is your anger triggered by things that could reasonably be said should aggravate a person, or are you angry about your life thus far or the person you have become? My favorite has always been wolverine. He has the power to take the entire world by force, but while he does have rage issues along with problems with authority he chooses to do good. He could be a villain or even a nobody but chooses to aim his anger at proper targets.

[@tookuni]

​@@bigslumpson7985 I think the realization helped me understand myself better. My anger, fortunately I would say, used to be turned against myself, and I had two responses for that : first one was self-destructive behavior, second was excessive creative productivity (which was also kind of destructive because I didn't sleep). I was angry at myself for being powerless, naive, clumsy, awkward, I was angry at people because of years of bullying and injustice, I was angry at life because all it did was keep me from a happiness that seemed unreachable. I had never been able to lash out like the Hulk, but seeing calm, clumsy and outcast Bruce Banner let it go while being accepted felt like a message for me : you can let go, you have the right to express your feelings, you have the right to use these rotting parts of yourself for the greater good, even a bad person like yourself can do some good. It took years before I found a balance, because anger wasn't the only thing I had kept inside (side effect of a dissociative disorder from depression), but now, I don't think I am angry anymore. I guess it's because things are going very well for me :) . The funny thing is, sometimes, I need to feel angry again, then I put on some angry music and it gives me energy. I guess it's because, just like the Hulk, I learnt to channel that anger into positive energy. My favorite actually became Steve Rogers, probably because he is the type of person I wanted to become before I started to rot (and probably because I identify with his origin story :p). But lucky me : I've stopped rotting, so I feel like at least I have the right to try to be as good as he is. Yes I've come a long way ! :D

[@lisam5744]

That line, 'I'm always angry', I felt that to my bones when I heard it for the first time. I have PTSD due to a lot of different types of abuse when I was a kid. After dealing with my abuse through years of therapy, I can tell you one thing, the anger at what was done to me has never gone away. I try to live a life of joy and appreciation of the wonderful life I have now. But I can tap into that anger that lives just below the surface very easily. I know it can overwhelm me if I let it, so I don't let it. But it's always there.

[@luciacuevas611]

I felt the same way about it when I saw it in theatres. I've never really had problems with lashing out or getting tunnel vision while angry, but I can definitely relate to always having that bottled up boiling anger, stirring up at any moment, easily triggered, but not easily made external.

[@briannahein1616]

I have PTSD too from childhood stuff and anger is for sure something I need to work on more! But I will say, I started anxiety meds and it helped a ton! The feeling of spinning out and not having control has subsided and I feel like I can have a rational thought when I'm full of rage. If you're not on them already, I really suggest it! It quite literally saved my life. It has been a hard road in finding a med that works, and I'm not quite there yet, but it is helping nonetheless! Good luck to you and your healing! If you haven't seen their episode on Katniss and her CPTSD (which is probably what we have), it was incredible. Might be triggering though. I wish they would have gone through some more ways to help/combat PTSD, but it was still very validating to hear what they said.

[@marcopohl4875]

I've got anger management issues, not because of anything bad that happened, I've just never learned to deal with it, and I can 100% relate. I've noticed that I can make myself angry at will (which I can't really do with any other emotion), but I can't turn it off at will, so it really does feel like part of myself is always angry

[@lisam5744]

@@briannahein1616 The Katniss episode made me ball my eyes out...twice. I was only anti-anxiety meds before, but I'm doing better now. My diagnosis was almost 16 years ago, so I've had a lot of time to learn to live with this beast. I wish you luck on your healing, too.

[@Jarod-vg9wq]

I here for you man, find ways to healthy vent out your anger.

[@Kenseiblades]

I love the metaphor about how Banner can't end his own life because Hulk won't let him. In the same way that you can't just get rid of your anger or ignore the issues, but you have to acknowledge and address them despite how difficult and overwhelming it can be.

[@TheSinlessAssassin]

I love how Alan is talking more about psychological stuff and Jonathan talking more about film technique now. It comes to show how much they've taught each other a lot about each other's domains.

[@CairyKay]

As a woman, learning to deal with anger is really hard. People tend to downplay it as "just hormones" (which makes you even angrier, by the way). I have always loved the Hulk because it resonated with me: deep anger and frustration that, if lashed out, feels destructive. The best thing for me has been recognising when I need some space alone to calm down and then express myself properly. However, I've also noticed that some moments where I can establish clearer boundaries have been fuelled by well-aimed anger.

[@LittleHobbit13]

Not only downplaying it, but women are just straight up *_not allowed_* to be angry most of the time which can make it _extremely_ difficult to find outlets for the right catharsis.

[@_stupidbro]

@@LittleHobbit13 Yep

[@Heightren]

As a man too, I hate it when someone trivializes my anger. It just makes me angrier.

[@tinad8561]

Yep. And sometimes hormones do make you a bit volatile about how you express anger…but emotional lability doesn’t mean that the anger was unjustified in the first place.

[@SelkiesSong]

this starts in childhood; "sOmEboDy'S tIreD" whenever I showed the slightest bit of upset always pissed me tf off when I was a kid

[@Jane-oz7pp]

That "I'm always angry" line actually really helped me feel less bad about always being angry. I realised that it isn't something that I need to get rid of, or necessarily even can, which helped me let go of that negativity.

[@clunkyinc.5156]

It’s like trying to break the left/right end of a stick for me.

[@KumiChan2004]

I'm glad that it helped you realize that. Anger might be part of your core. It might always be there. But that doesn't mean it is bad. What's bad is when it has no direction, no focus, or no control. Letting it be the first thing you let others see is bad for yourself. Even if you don't fear your anger or what other might think of you when you get angry. It being the default that you go to can end up causing you more issues down the line. Best to remain calm and cool till that moment that you know that you can use it properly to help yourself or others. I hope you have grown to understand you own anger more and how it works for you.

[@originelly1568]

Funny thing happened the other day: When I complained to my therapist the other day about how some situation got me in a tight spot and I didn't know how to react appropriately, he asked "How about you get a little angry for once? And how about you redirect that anger at someone other than yourself?" That was a real lightbulb moment for me because up until this point, I was absolutely convinced that anger is bad, period. And don't get me wrong, I still think I shouldn't get simply angry and lash out, but in this moment I understood, that I could use the underlying emotions for self-preservation and for standing up to other people. I have (or had) such a great desire for harmony and pleasing others, that I didn't really know how to stand up for myself.

[@nickthepick8043]

Your therapist sounds like a real one. You are so lucky!

[@originelly1568]

@@nickthepick8043 yeah, we have a great working relationship! I count myself lucky to have found someone like this. :)

[@chilo2387]

I'm in therapy too and I was in group therapy for emotional management. Every emotion has a reason, why we need it. Anger, they explained, we need to take actions, to get out and deal what make us feel angry. It's not about stop being angry, it's about using the anger and controll it, so it doesn't get, well out of control. Anger usually gets away when we managed with the problem either change it or just accept it.

[@bunhelsingslegacy3549]

I had a temper as a kid, then I dated someone who had issues with anyone displaying anger and it took me years to get over my self--correction habit which was to get hurt instead of angry...

[@danyr1886]

Oh god, same

[@adde9506]

There is another cause that lies under anger: physical pain. I recently got pain management for my widespread chronic pain and it was WEIRD. I still hurt, just as much as I did before, but I can think now. The human body has a fill-line for pain, because it doesn't matter how much pain you are in, you still have to function enough to survive. When you pass that fill-line, your brain spends it's time and resources managing which signals to give you, which body part to protect, which one you're pushing too far. Because of that you don't have the room to process other inputs, like people being dumb or mean. You become someone with an anger management problem. I keep wondering why I'm bothering to take these drugs when I'm still hurting, but then I remember what it was like to be inside my head, where everything was just frustration and rage that I couldn't control, and I take the next pill because I don't want to go back into that black hole.

[@spvillano]

That's literally true, where traumatic pain is immediate, it's processed only by the region of the brain that's "in charge" of that area of the body. In chronic pain, functional MRI revealed that the entire brain was trying to process the chronic pain. That's true regardless of bodily scope of pain, be it one's lumbar, a foot, phantom pain from an amputated limb, the entire brain starts processing the pain data. That trope of using only 10% of your brain was always known to be bullshit, likely even by the village idiot that wrote it. One of my problem Privates noticed my taking some codeine after an injury and promptly (and insubordinately) stated, "You don't need that, pain builds character". I promptly kicked him in the shins and told him to stand still, I wasn't done building his character. The Command Sergeant Major told him, when he complained, "I already heard, you're lucky that's all he did to you". Being a medic and dismissing pain and you're in a combat unit, unforgivable! The numbnuts loved talking like he thought he was a John Wayne character, instead when we deployed, he got a BCD for black marketeering.

[@arielruby13]

taking a pill everyday also helped me deal with my chronic pain, its slightly easier to control it now. The right doses help, i built up tho the one im on now and i feel better than i was before. I wish you luck on your journey!

[@amandasnider2644]

Look at HOUSE. He's not necessarily angry but he's an A-HOLE because he is in pain physically and he's trying to avoid emotional pain because he cares so much

[@ilovehotmoms5804]

Thank you for trying

[@torikazuki8701]

This July I will be 'Celebrating' 30 years of Chronic Pain (Inoperable Spinal Damage). I'm 52, so this has been the majority of my life. Despite seeing many, many Doctors over the years, my condition wasn't found until 2013. It has destroyed my Career, my Hobbies, many of my relationships & has done devastating damage to my Marriage. My Wife deeply resents me for this disability. Many years ago I asked her if she ever felt like Job's Wife (From the Bible), who told Job to, "Curse God and Die." Her exact response? "I would never say anything THAT cruel to you." Which is, of course, just as cruel. I don't struggle with Anger, but that's primarily because I am so emotionally exhausted all the time, I don't have the physical, mental & emotional *resources* to get angry.

[@ishaanhodge3495]

To hear Alan say: “That’s my whole life” regarding turning anger inward was so relatable. Because I personally feel like that’s me a lot of the time. A lot of times I don’t even blow up at people because I’m either too scared to admit that I’m angry or I’m too scared of being punished for my anger….even if it’s justified.

[@forgesoulfire1320]

I can empathize with this rather strongly, no personally I notice a lot of my anger is directed at and animate objects technology mainly I still worry about people seeing me when I'm angry even now that it's way way better under my control. Going from passive aggressive to simply just pacifistic, has been an honestly exhausting struggle. I am empathetically curious though; How has learning anger management (assuming you have worked on it) worked for you?

[@ishaanhodge3495]

Hinestly…my anger “manegment” is just suppression.🤣🤣

[@sawanna508]

It's similar for me. Especially when I was younger I used to swollow my anger or didn't even feel anger even if it would have been justified. Now that I am older I sometimes loose my temper and feel bad about it even if I don't act my anger out on someone else. So when I see a character like hulk (or read about one) it feels as if he is acting out my anger as a proxy. That's why I like Hulk/Banner so much. -But I also like the calm voice he has as Banner.

[@KumiChan2004]

I do hope you manage to find better ways to deal with your anger. Please don't hate yourself or let your anger overwhelm you. Suppressing it is a bit unhealth too. You might want to find a way to let it out that doesn't hurt yourself or others. And do see if you can came to terms with not feeling bad about letting it out. And admitting when you are being honest when you said something in anger that is truthful. Working through it then with that person can help them understand the problem while you still are taking ownership of your own anger and admitting it was because you were anger. While letting them know the anger is an issue that is a you problem. It's difficult to balance.

[@gabrielaantonioli]

I came from a traumatic childhood and sometimes I have these "hulk moments" as a manifestation of late defense. It's really hard to forgive myself but what you are saying is very compassionate. Thank you for helping me understand my emotions.

[@cpaigemcd]

I have a lot of ACES from childhood trauma and I’m only just coming out of F/F/F…so it’s A LOT to process. I get so irritable and frustrated so easy…audible triggers tend to set me off more than anything…I think. I see you & you’re not alone 🥰

[@Dragedill]

I don't know what you've went through, but you are and you will never be alone. I don't know if you are over them, or if you can face the problems of your childhood, but if you are the same as i am, because i could never face my traumas directly, then i recommend watching Good Will Hunting, and then the Cinema Therapy video of it.

[@nate1066pollock]

In the same boat. Forgiving yourself is very difficult. We'll get there. Sending you positive thoughts and prayers, if that's okay.

[@dunndudebemelol]

Honestly, I seemed to just have that by nature so I appreciate my situation differs but I managed to get by it. I sit there sometimes and try to work out why I'm angry and if that's what I should be feeling yada yada. You can find what works for you and I wish you luck.

[@Hellbane224]

Yeah, I went through a LOT of bad as a kid. Abusive father, abusive sister, bullied at school constantly, by teachers and peers. The manifestation of rage has actually never blinded me, I tend to think more clearly when I'm angry, but if I'm frustrated? Whew, I'm stupid. 100% stupid. I've done a pretty good job of managing all of it. I have the occasional outburst, and I do my best to rein it in so I don't do much damage. I also play video games. Violent ones. They make for a great outlet. I can slaughter as many people as I want, no harm done to anyone. DOOM? Excellent game for mowing down enemies, letting frustration and anger vent, and damn does it feel good to send those demons screaming back to hell. I am able to forgive myself when I get angry, because I've accepted that this is part of me, and it's never going to go away. I have embraced all that I am, and I have accepted that emotions just mean I'm human. It's a hell of a burden to carry and it took a long time to get here, but here I am. Still have plenty of other issues left over to deal with, but who doesn't after a childhood of trauma? One love, my traumatized sister.

[@ChincerDante]

“There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.” As someone that is a generally calm, passive guy that doesn't seem to be disturb by things, I find important to realize that anger is a natural emotion, and supressing it doesn't help, you have to understand it, accept it and reach the bottom of it. Pent up anger in a seemingly calm man is very dangerous, and the outburst can be destructive, because these are the people that don't just resort to physical violence, but verbal one, and calculated insults that can hurt the people around them far more than one would imagine

[@glogalflo8697]

Cognitively speaking, your frontal lobe is never shut down, but activity there decreases in certain situations, which makes managing anger difficult, but not impossible. Also, as you just stated: experiencing anger is not a bad thing, but a human one. And, yes, we should all learn to navigate our emotions healthily and smartly. [Just wanted to comment because of the Rothfuss reference! :) ]

[@LadyRenira]

One of my favorite Kingkiller quotes. :)

[@kantpredict]

People around me don't know how to react or deal when I'm seriously pissed off cos I so often come across as cheerful, friendly and generally amiable. When I'm mad, it often simmers quietly then just boils over and I'll say or do something very very stupid and ruinous to my relations.

[@MerelvandenHurk]

I agree. We're all human, and we all feel anger from time to time. It's natural and not inherently a bad thing. The main thing people should realize is that you're not a slave to your emotions, you're not forced to do whatever they tell you to do. There's what you feel on one side, and there's what you do on the other side, and you're in between of those. Just because you feel a certain emotion doesn't mean you should act on it. It doesn't mean that acting on it can't be the wrong thing to do "because the feeling is real". Yes, the emotion is real, and we shouldn't invalidate that ever. But that's completely separate from what actions you choose to do based on it. Making that distinction makes talking about it a lot easier, because if that distinction isn't made, disapproving of an action would imply disapproving of the emotion, while validating the emotion would imply justifying the action, and neither one is right. You can disapprove of an action while validating the emotion that's behind it. Just feel what you feel. Whatever you feel is what you feel. And as long as you aren't suffering too much feeling those feelings, it's fine leaving them in peace. But make sure no to let your emotions be the sole guide to your actions. You're in control of what you do, your emotions aren't. You're not a slave to them. Sure, you often can't change what you feel, that's true. Emotions come before logic has a chance to interfere. To a certain degree you can't really prevent yourself from feeling certain things. But you *can* prevent yourself from acting on those feelings, and in my experience that only works if you *do* acknowledge the feeling. After all, you can't say "I won't allow my anger to make me hurt someone" if you don't acknowledge that anger in the first place.

[@DreamQuillRose]

@@MerelvandenHurk Well said.

[@bookmasterharry4432]

The line 'I'm always angry' can be swapped for a lot of different things. I'm always sad, I'm always scared and so many others that relate to mental health, and that's what people don't understand about it. If you have depression, just because it's a good day, a day where you can function, doesn't mean it's not there, just under the surface. People need to understand that, because understanding leads to compassion, and compassion leads to acceptance that that person is struggling, and that leads things becoming better. Thank you for making these videos. You help me understand so much about the people around me.

[@BigTuna9075]

You really nailed what it feels like to have depression or anxiety. A good day doesn't mean that it's not there. Thank you for sharing this!

[@ginettepagan3387]

Change “I am depressed” to “I feel depression right now”. Why? Because you’re not your depression and it brings to the forefront the fact that depression is something you do not feel all the time and that, like you said, you can feel happiness and need to become aware of those moments. Emotion is temporary you’re not always feeling depressed, you’re not always feeling happy. You’re always in flux. But because you only focus on the depression you don’t give the other emotions their due attention, and believe depression is the only thing that you feel.

[@bookmasterharry4432]

@@ginettepagan3387 well, yes and no. the point is with depression, it is always just under the surface. just because you are happy or having a good day doesn't mean it's not there. it just means it's not affecting you as badly. thanks for expanding on what i said, though. I understand how some people might get confused by it.

[@bxyhxyh]

@@bookmasterharry4432 depression is like laziness. It's actually EASY not to feel depressed but we can't. We just can't. It's all in our head. We know this. But we also say all the excuses to NOT CURED from depression. We want to come out of depression. But when someone gives us advices like Ginette is giving, suddenly we think that they don't understand us. Well, they don't. Therefore we "choose" to stay depressed. It's really sad. But this is reality. We just can't. But there should be a trigger. I still believe it's easy to come out from depression. But I still can't find that trigger.

[@helenl3193]

@@ginettepagan3387 but depression isn't just an emotion. You wouldn't tell someone to not say they have cancer because then you're letting it have too much power over you. Depression is an illness, it's a diagnosis, just like cancer or diabetes. You can have good days where you're feeling good and getting on with your life but it's still there, in the background, and that good day isn't a guarantee of anything - tomorrow might be awful, and that's not a signifier that you did something right to get today's good day, or something wrong so tomorrow's bad one is a relapse or loss of progress. I agree with you about the importance of reminding yourself of all the good things that you can still enjoy and appreciate, but I think it's unhelpful to class depression as simply an emotion. Sadness is an emotion, depression is more than that, and it also manifests differently at different times as well as for different people. My symptoms have varied hugely over the years/types of depression, etc. I hope it's clear that I don't think you were trying to be complacent with your comment, I just needed to add my 2 cents because one of my bugbears is the conflation of sadness and depression in some pop culture. They aren't the same thing, and it can make it harder for suffers if people don't understand the nuances.

[@lilscooter93]

I love what Jon said near the end about how he didn't think he had an anger problem because he never really experienced anger. I often say some of the scariest people to see angry are the people that are never angry. it's almost like they don't know how to be angry when they get angry, or maybe they're like me and they repress their anger until it's at a 10. it's almost like you have to practice it so you don't have a blow up. really cool video, guys!

[@madelinegarber7860]

I’m definitely one of those peopld. I’m very rarely angry. Annoyed/irritated sure, but rarely angry. But when I am I look like a total idiot. Definitely need to work on it.

[@jordanthecommander6977]

As someone who has struggled with anger problems my entire life I've always felt a special connection to the Hulk and Bruce Banner. He is a good man who just wants to be left alone, but people still keep pushing him. My family used to purposely try to make me angry and then when I would snap they would treat me like some sort of monster or savage, and when I would try to hide away in my room they would treat me like a coward. And now I'm afraid of not just myself, but of other people. I have a hard time connecting to people and I still struggle with my anger. And all I want anymore is to be left alone.

[@samuraikitty18]

I can relate. Sorry you've had to deal with that.

[@malinikolineklauseth]

That sucks , I would have great respect for someone who handled it with withdrawing from the situation rather than lashing out.

[@catherinesinclair7727]

What your family did to you was horrible. You deserved better 😢❤

[@findinggraceful]

This was my family too. I hope you find family that accepts you as you are, and respects you enough to encourage your growth.

[@admirallily]

I feel this

[@missarose6159]

"Really great people struggle with anger" Things I didn't know I needed to hear. 😭😭😭😭 Thank you Johnathan.

[@Vegan007]

My therapist suggested that when I start going into "fight or flight" mode because of a trigger (though my default mode is "flight") I just do body scans. Go toe to head and just check in how each body part is feeling. Feel where I am touching the ground or chair, feel what is going on internally, but keep it all physical. It really helps me back down off of an intense arousal state

[@yoda0017]

The technique you're describing is grounding (sometimes called earthing), and it's a great tool for helping anyone who is on the verge of freaking out (fight, flight, anxiety attack, etc) calm down and reset themselves.

[@EH23831]

The 4-5-7 breathing is great too - automatically shifts you into parasympathetic control (Breathe in for 4, hold for 5, out for 7) 🙃

[@Vegan007]

@@EH23831 love that one too!

[@DisturbedNeo]

The thing I love the most is that, as CGI and mocap got more refined, you got to see more and more of Mark Ruffalo’s face in Hulk, and at the same time, the character was progressing towards that integration, so the technology and story developed perfectly together to eventually give us Professor Hulk at exactly the right time.

[@silashellebrand462]

I remember as a kid I had severe anger problems, and it got to a point where I actually needed to feel anger, almost like an addiction. The sensation of my blood boiling felt so good, and when I didn't have it, I felt empty. So it's really interesting hearing the word "arousal" in this context.

[@Original_Syn]

14:30 Defibrillators don’t and can’t actually restart a patient’s heart. They use electricity to re-establish the proper rhythm so maybe the Hulk’s scream was able to introduce enough vibration in Tony’s chest cavity to knock his heart back into the proper rhythm using vibrations instead of electricity.

[@Blitzcreeper239]

Or Tony was still in systole and was just unconscious. The shout is literally the first step in CPR AED lol, making sure the dude is actually unconscious.

[@LoneHowler]

He could have been in shock, or passed out and just needed something to focus him back to reality. Though he might need a defibrillator after being scared awake with hulk roaring a foot away

[@ThePonderer]

I love how the Professor Hulk persona seamlessly mixes Bruce’s intellect and care for others with Hulk’s temper and confidence and like of himself. I wish they’d kept the deleted scene in Infinity War where the two finally synthesize for the first time, as I really feel that brings a sense of full-circle closure to where Banner was at emotionally in Avengers 2012.

[@jackwriter1908]

To be honest I thought it was funny, but also... Hulk had an intelligence of his own, so didn't Bruce basically kill the Hulk?

[@austinsears4780]

@@jackwriter1908 I think they combined into one consciousness, hence the combination of personality traits

[@S31Syntax]

whaaaat gotta find that scene now

[@pickedceasar1216]

@@jackwriter1908 probably not considering that Banner seems to be back to human form in the new She-Hulk show

[@xmant8842]

@@austinsears4780 idk about that because when he was Astral projected in endgame, the one who came out was banner

[@mistertwister2000]

I remember when I used to channel anger into punching/biting myself, because I wanted to hurt/smash something but I didn’t want to break anything in the house. I cannot express how freeing it was to not only learn how to stay calm, but to also invest in a punching bag/weight set to put anger into something productive. Anger isn’t evil, it just is.

[@drakero770wintersun7]

Things are not as important as you. I am worried for people who keep things more important than people. I hope yeh have now better anger solutions than selfharm or smaching.

[@kepler1377]

Also Natasha’s line in Ultron, something like “All my friends are fighters. And here comes this guy, spends his life avoiding the fight because he knows he'll win.”

[@nerdydirty936]

In Eternals, Angie Jolie likened her character Thena to having a mental illness when she gets Mad Weary (yes, I know I spelled that wrong) and how Gilgamesh took care of her and kept her grounded. I was wondering what y'all thought of that. Also, addressing anger the way you have is brilliant. And let's not forget that Bruce was suicidal. He even mentions it in Avengers. Thank you both for all you do.

[@diamondflaw]

The “doing stupid things in horror movies” conversation made me really think that I’d love to see them react to Tucker and Dale vs Evil.

[@burdeegirl]

100% yes

[@AllTradesGeorge]

That would be BRILLIANT.

[@love196627]

This episode is as invaluable as the movie inside out. Pretending emotions aren't there or are bad is not the way to go. I'm so glad there are stories that recognize that all emotions are ok, it's just mismanagement that isn't.

[@dss7876]

I have to confess, watching Hulk in movies I never really thought about him in a psychological perspective. So thank you so much for this video.

[@RisaPlays]

Didn't think a video about the Hulk would make me cry, then Alan said "I'm afraid of what I am and what I can be" and tears suddenly appeared. I had severe anger issues all my life that were at their worst in high school. Banner's line "The secret is I'm always angry" was the most relatable line in any movie I'd ever heard when that movie first came out. I've always been terrified of anger, especially my own, and I spent my entire life holding everything in and forcing my body to be as stiff as a statue anytime I felt severe anger bubbling up. I almost never let it show outside of a deep glare and stiffened body, but it constantly ate me up inside. I've honestly never understood why so many people seem unable to control their own anger, since I spent my entire life pushing mine down and holding it back like Hodor at the door. I don't think I necessarily have always had the healthiest ways of dealing with my anger, since it often ended up just hurting me inside, but I almost never lost control to the point of hurting anyone or anything. Still, that inner Hulk always scared me to death. The very thought of losing control has always been one of my worst nightmares and I've always refused to ever let it happen.

[@CerberusComplex]

Funny, I never understood how people managed to hold in their anger. It might just be a me thing, but sometimes I'll feel rage so overwhelmingly extreme that it physically *pains* me to hold it in, like I feel like I'll explode if I don't get it out. I also see my anger as a "monster", but to me it's also a source of power, which makes it very tempting to use for unhealthy purposes. So the extreme pain I feel + the temptation that I could get what I want, and it would feel cathartic if I just let it out, makes it really hard for me to manage sometimes. Because of this, I've always seen my anger as this sweet demon tempting me to let it in.

[@livialimaastrologia]

I was just like you, never raised my voice, never showed I was angry... Until one person disrespected me enough that my inner Hulk came out. And even when I tried to run away, scared of what I could do, they would still be after me pushing my boudaries, because they were also mad and couldn't wait until I was calm to deal with the problem or have a calm conversation... Then I could see how people can be completely dominated by their anger and hurt other people physically. The first time it happenedI had to lock myself inside my bedroom, trying to breath, crying my heart out of anger and frustration, and the other person was outside my bedroom screaming at me, trying to open the door, and all I could think of was ending that with violence, because that person was disrespecting even the biggest physical boundary there was: a locked door. The person was trying to open the door to keep arguing. And I was completely on the edge. Luckily the person gave up and I could scream and throw things in my safe space. But I completely understand how people can loose it. If you're trying your best to control yourself, and the other person is pushing over and over every single one of your boundaries, it's a neurological thing, like Alan said in the video, the prefrontal cortex shuts down and them is your Hulk commanding you. What happens most is that people don't try to get away and calm down and then blame other people for their outbursts, like Jonathan said, "if you didn't made me angry then I wouldn't have done that to you". But when you do everything you can to not let your Hulk takes over but the other person seems to want that to happen, because they can't control their own feelings, then it's another story...

[@learlaamaroq9648]

I just want to offer you a virtual hug 🫂

[@zombiecat1851]

This was enlightening. As someone from a family of people with anger issues & is considered “the calm one,” I actually feel impotent because of my ability to keep my anger in check. I want so badly to explode at my family the way they explode at each other & at me, to yell & scream & break things until they finally hear me. But I know better. I know that when I do that, they’re not going to really be listening. Actually, I’ve just now realized that I’ve taken it the opposite way. The moment my anger subsides I let go of the situation entirely & never address it properly. I’ve even shamed myself for years with that phrase from earlier, “but I know better,” & I’ve used it as a crutch so I never have to face my fear of expressing myself. Welp, I know what I’m going to be talking about in therapy tomorrow

[@coconutcore]

I keep relating to Jonathan every time he talks about himself. I’ve been a calm, agreeable person from the day I was born. It took me about 24 years to realise that not feeling anger is very much a bad thing. Anger gets you to place boundaries and stand up for what you think is right. I’m trying to learn both of those things. I’m trying to be conscious of “I don’t like what’s happening here, I should react.” It’s very hard to find anger where there is very little. I do have second hand experience with the opposite too. In fact, I have multiple family members who have very…very strong anger issues (possibly more related to BPD than IED). I think the difference is that I have control, which is useful when you’re trying to work on something. They just…don’t. I can buy a leaf blower. It has a switch and at least it will be make a breeze. They’re looking for a way to stop a tornado. There’s just no tools for that in stock I’m afraid. I’d love for them to stop blowing over my shed though, it’s where I keep the leaf blower. I guess it’s hard to explain how accurate that last sentence is, but it is. It really really is.

[@drt3k765]

I think it was in American Gods that I read, "Nothing gets done without rage," and I think there's an element of truth in that. There are things to be enraged at: racism, sexism, injustice in general, etc. At some point I learned this really helpful (at least for me) metaphor for dealing with my own anger issues. One can think of their anger like an energy that needs to be released. Allowed to simply explode, or even just lobbed like a hand grenade, that energy may indeed hit its intended target, but it may also hit a bunch of other things (or people) that we didn't intend to hit. But focused down into the intensity of a laser, that same energy can be used to cut out cancers and tumors (like racism, sexism, etc.). I imagine some of our greatest peacemakers (MLK for example) were/are fairly filled with rage, but were/are good at managing and focusing it. Thanks for another fantastic video!

[@skellymom]

Anger, and it's partner: Determination.

[@TheKOzality]

A really insightful take and I like the energy metaphor. Props on the American Gods reference, great read.

[@laterreurrouge1917]

A writer/philosopher/economist from the 1800's in Germany described two variants of anger: - "hot anger": the classic rage, that takes the better part of you. Feeling Powerful for the moment but ending up very much lacking control. Also burning out quite fast. - "cold anger": the focused , controlled, poignant type. It drives you for prolonged stretches of time, leaves you in control of your thoughts and actions. Let's you follow your plans... Both absolutely serve their individual purposes and can come across one another.

[@jenniferhiemstra5228]

Aiming/channeling anger is by no means a new concept, but I do love this more detailed way to explain it even further with better allegories!

[@jenniferhiemstra5228]

@@skellymom Ok also brilliant concept…anger paired with laser Ed determination. I love it ❤️

[@Tracy-xe9zu]

I love my anger. After being told for the first 22 years of my life that I had no right to be angry (when it was a response to incessant verbal, emotional and psychological abuse), my anger is the part of myself that loves me enough to appear when I, or someone else, is being mistreated. It's also the part that galvanized me to take drastic measures to escape that abusive household, and I succeeded.

[@gothicMCRgirl]

Of course! Anger can also spawn other aspects of our lives that are very important! Anger can inspire courage, can give you energy to chase after your goals, can be your lifeline to overcome hardships, and it can be your drive to stand up for yourself. Managing your anger so that it becomes a beneficial force is the key!

[@MarijaneStrolla]

I have always identified with the Hulk. People do not believe me if I tell them I had anger management issues. At the height I remember having an out of body experience where I would watch myself beating my sister, who I loved as she laughed at me trying to get her to stop laughing at me. I learned to control my anger first by punching walls then by accepting a 12-step program that gave me the skill to deal with it. I even use dungeons and dragon to hulk out and have a safe outlet when I really need to punch something. I remember my Mom once asked me what kind of character I like to play and I said a berserker and she replied of course you do.

[@GideonGrimmGaming]

I had anger issues most of my life. I have ADHD, which means poor impulse control, which lead me to be angry and explosive more often. Nowadays (I’m 26 currently), I am in control (temper is managed) 99% of the time. There are still some things that will set me off quickly, but it’s never immediate explosive behavior. Part of it was growing up, (and this is definitely not a solution for everyone) but some of it was exposing myself to what made me angry more, which at the time was being bullied. It helped me learn to control myself, even enough to start giving snappy comebacks to my bullies, which earned their respect enough to leave me alone. THIS IS OBVIOUSLY NOT A ONE-SIZE-FITS-ALL SOLUTION BY ANY MEANS. I AM ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN THAT IT WORKED FOR ME BECAUSE I HAVE A STRONG ENOUGH MORAL COMPASS TO HAVE AND MAINTAIN THE MINDFULNESS TO REMEMBER THAT I CANNOT TO TO THEM WHAT THEY HAVE DONE TO ME OR WORSE.

[@NerveUnderscore]

I can understand you. I did the same growing up. I was angry all the time with my classmates, with other kids of other grades, with the professors. And that helped as practice in how to control (sorry, manage) it. At the beginning it was awful and was violent but later I learned more... diplomatic ways of use. And the two years of Pandemic came and I'm at the start of the road again :"D, at least now with a blueprint and not a white canvas like before.

[@Tenareth]

I'm on the spectrum, it took me years to manage my anger responses. I still remember losing my temper once and getting into a situation where I might really hurt my friend. I felt so bad, to this day (3+ decades later) I still remember that moment. It was the start of me building up my defense mechanisms to make sure I suppressed my initial response, took a time to evaluate what was happening and adjusting.

[@Bandgazebo]

There's been a huge discussion in parenting forums in recent years that feelings of rage are a really overlooked symptom of postartum anxiety/depression. You were talking about being able to identify the source of your anger in order to manage it, and I feel there's such a trope of the "angry mom" but really there's just a lot of moms that don't have the support to take of their mental health amidst the daily beatdown of parenting young children.

[@paige5534]

This. 100%. Overlooked, overburdened, no rest. No wonder we pop.

[@ayemiksenoj5254]

This is an absolutely great and profound comment. I had both antepartum and postpartum depression with all 4 of my children. I was afraid to seek help because at the time no one really understood how they both work. In truth most of the science and focus is only on postpartum and not antepartum. Still, I was completely overwhelmed and miserable, hating being a mother for years. I still never got help. What worked for me was realizing being a mother wasn't the issue. It was everything surrounding being a mother that was the problem: lack of family and friend's support. Low income, poor living conditions, and never feeling like I was going to be able to give my children the life I believe they deserved. On top of that losing a child and the constant fear of losing one of my children after birth. Now I absolutely love being a mom and prefer being around my children than anyone else, and it's been this way for a long time now. Recently, when I talk to mothers I find that what I've felt and been through is the same for them; it's not about the kids. It's the conditions and situations the children are born into that the moms can't readily change that are the problem.

[@Deboryanne]

Rage after depression.... Ya'll. That makes so much sense. I never thought about that.

[@helenl3193]

I think there's also a lot of prejudice and misogyny in the mix with the 'angry mum' stamp - the standards are set so much higher for women than for dads. Plus women get labelled as angry/aggressive when they're being actually being assertive, etc. (all those words only used for female managers: bossy/bitchy/demanding, etc) I've also seen a LOT of WOC and working class women get labelled angry when they're just trying to advocate for themselves and/or their kids, in situations where a white, well spoken middle/upper class woman would be seen as a concerned mother, not an angry one. I say that as someone who has mostly lived in working class estates in East London, UK so based as my experience and witnessing those of friends and neighbours. Also my sister is a social worker and cannot count the number of times she's had to call a colleague or someone from a similar field (psych, NHS, police, courts services) on their assumptions of a woman's actions and point out that of course she's shouting, she's scared for her child who you've got pinned to a wall in restraints, or who no one can diagnose with anything helpful but there's clearly an issue she needs support with, etc. It's depressing how little movement we've made in the general perception of women, POCBI and femmes/nb in the past few decades. As well as in the understanding and acceptance of mental health issues. Still so many harmful stereotypes and cliches we need to get rid of

[@greenseedpod]

I was angry all the time, till, i dont care about anything anymore, i am depressed now.

[@Rubber_Monkey]

I would love to see you guys do a “Psychology of a Hero” analysis on Simba from The Lion King, Rey from the recent Star Wars trilogy, Miles Morales from Into the Spiderverse, and any of the film versions of Spider-Man (Maguire, Garfield, and/or Holland) and Thor

[@DavidHutchinson0713]

Ooh, I like those

[@UnKnown-bo8ce]

And Hiccup from How To Train Your Dragon.

[@Rubber_Monkey]

@@UnKnown-bo8ce I think that was covered on their HTTYD video

[@dhivaansalig6398]

Yes! Simba! I second that!

[@ozuray4307]

I agree! Also Tom Holland’s Peter Parker!

[@ohayow2334]

I hope , the next marvel hero will be Bucky Barnes, couz' there's a lot to unpack there.. especially his character in Falcon and the Winter Soldier

[@laura_gieger]

I second that!

[@MerijnH]

I hope it's gonna be Wanda, but Bucky is also a very good pick. I think they're just gonna work their way through the entire MCU haha

[@AgentK200]

3rd!

[@cjkalandek996]

@@MerijnH They already did an episode on Wanda. kzbin.info/www/bejne/p33OoJSdoZKqkNU

[@ohayow2334]

@@MerijnH they have a video for Wanda, mainly WandaVision kzbin.info/www/bejne/p33OoJSdoZKqkNU

[@dantesinfernal0]

Hulk's anger is layered over top of fear. And not just fear: abject terror of that creature lurking inside of him. Both Norton and Ruffalo did an amazing job of expressing that underlying terror, too. When they realized that the Hulk was coming and there was nothing he could do to stop it, Banner doesn't look angry. He's utterly terrified.

[@theswede3330]

I can really feel the “I’m always angry”, because i just constantly have such a deep down anger that I struggle so hard with controlling

[@CairyKay]

To this day, that "I'm always angry" scene is one of my favourite ones. It expresses so much in so few words

[@Sojo214]

Welp, this should be good for me. My depression mostly expresses as unbridled rage at myself and minor hindrances (It's a genuine struggle to not chuck my phone out the window when it's running a bit slow, or want to hulk smash a piece of furniture I keep bumping into, basic inanimate objects only). It's tough being an incarnation of wrath whose sole goal is to rejoin the basic bits of the cosmos.

[@Sojo214]

After finishing the video, I definitely resemble many aspects of this, but I presume since my anger seems to stem from depression and be focused inward so heavily, it has some extra caveats that make it difficult/different. Hurting me is a 'perfect' outlet for my anger as A) Nobody else gets hurt, and B) I already hate myself, so I'm essentially using myself as the "Rage Shed" Alan referred to. This makes it difficult to feel there's a consequence, as any pain I inflict on myself is a net positive in my mind. I've lost the drive to really change over the past 10 years, but even in early days it was difficult to want to try for change since hurting myself was a positive, and the only consequence, so it seemed like a non-issue. I have at least always taken ownership over it, which I guess is good, and it's never really been a thing that can hurt others. Even on my worst days in which I do seem to black out and "become someone else" as those around me put it, I never seemed to be a threat to anyone else. I had a bad habit of punching holes in walls, but those can be repaired, a person can't. I kind of don't sweat the small stuff when it's like, somebody got my order wrong, or somebody bumped into me, or even fairly moderate stuff like someone making a mistake that actually causes a lot of trouble for me. The super minor things are my weakness, and I should definitely work on that. Thank you for another video, Cinema Therapy team, and hope you all had as much fun making it as we do watching them!

[@alwaysforanimals]

When they said that it's usually a manifestation of something deep inside, I instantly thought about how mine is usually disappointment in myself.

[@BeccatheBaka]

I grew up with a parent who struggles with anger and so being around those outbursts all my life it programmed me to activate a flighty type of arousal response whenever someone is angry. Yet this video still has given me a lot of advice because I get that arousal type of response, but it’s when someone else is angry or even if I am afraid someone is Going to get angry, I get a flight type of physical response that causes me to not think straight and just try to avoid avoid avoid. I never even noticed this factor about myself until recent years now that I am living with my partner and he absolutely does not let me avoid avoid avoid, he wants to confront problems then and there, but when my critical thinking is turned off it just causes him to get frustrated with me, which then makes my panic even worse. It’s been very hard each time but having honest talks every now and then has grown our relationship a lot and helped me to like grow up as a person. It’s like you guys said when you come out of that arousal response you start to see that you weren’t right about everything and your reactions might not have been justified. In the moment when I’m experiencing the panic arousal it’s very very hard to have a productive conversation with me and I feel so much despair that I frustrated my partner, but the day after when I’m mentally normal again I realize that like he’s fine and I’m fine and it’s not the end of the world and I finally grasp what he was trying to tell me. I think that if I try the same kinds of calming methods as someone with anger problems it would help me, since I really just need to keep my panic from turning off my critical thinking, since that is what gets on my partners nerves so much and leads to like, arguing and exasperation and rude things said. Thanks for the video, I’m surprised all the time when I don’t think a video topic relates to me but then I learn so much from it!

[@RivoClavis]

Huh, I can recognize a lot of myself and how I need to escape confrontations in my relationships, in ordet to think. I didn't connect it up with my my dad having anger issues, but I think it might also include aspects of me being terrified of getting so stuck in a conflict that I would unleash the same kind of anger on those I love.

[@nataliedickens1289]

I’ve had a similar problem with my partner. I have always struggled with expressing my feelings and when I get angry it becomes all encompassing. I can’t even speak to her for a day or two I’m so angry. But she challenges and encourages me to communicate what I’m feeling and I challenge and encourage her to be more in touch with her feelings and actions as well. We have both grown a lot.

[@xtncerulean]

I totally relate to this. My dad has anger issues too and my response has been to avoid this or, if I can’t (which is a lot of time) I shut down. Some people think that’s me “receiving criticisms” like a pro. But that’s just me clamming up and grabbing my automatic response just to get the hell outta there. Sometimes, I recognize the Hulk level anger brewing up inside me too and, trying to gain control over it, I miss the moment of speaking up against whatever it was that triggered it, and sometimes end up a regretful memory that I play over and over in my head, wishing I’d said something.

[@VoidKing666]

This is going to be me in a few years

[@domeatown]

unlearning the panic response is huge! probably the same for anger, the trick is to manage it. separate the panic from the task at hand. maybe you guys could even develop code for "time out; I need to decompress." with my family I usually just use the time out signal from football. but I know very little about football so I started doing it sideways and that's what we all stuck with

[@Cygodol]

My family is poor whether they like to admit it or not so i've never been able to get help because of the cost, I've had some serious issues that hurt people I cared about, I should probably get an appointment some day when I can, but watching you guys these past few years it's helped me be somewhat introspective and helped me indirectly, so thank you guys so much for, just being you!

[@lindsayzeller4389]

Love all your vids, but this one was particularly awesome (especially for me, as a person with anger issues). I don't think many people realize that those of us who are "trying to control our own Hulk" DO take the anger out through self-harm. I always thought, "It's better to hurt myself than someone else," and others then viewed my cutting, heavy drinking and smoking, etc., as depression. It's taken A LOT of therapy and trials with meds for me to realize that it's NOT ok to hurt even myself when angry, but anyone with anger issues can get there - like Johnno said, it starts by RECOGNIZING how volatile and violent you are and you need help. And, I must admit, I do have a "Hulk shack," in a way, for days that are just bad. Beating the ever-loving shit out of this giant tree in our yard with a bit of firewood does help sometimes :) (Thank you, giant pine tree!)

[@Sugarrush26]

This episode fits my family so well. My husband pegged me when he said my secret is I'm always angry. My mom has the explosive angry thing and I tried to not be like her that I was oblivious to my anger and how I took it out on everyone around me. We also have a code word for our 8 year old daughter, lightbulb. What has been very helpful for me is every morning I start the day writing. I write I feel angry/resentful because . . . . And I just see what comes out. Sometimes its a few sentences and sometimes it's 10 pages. It's been very helpful for me to recognize what's going on inside of me. Things will come up from yesterday or from 25 years ago. It's like what they said about always being at 8 all the time and 9 you boil over and this helps keep me down to a 5.

[@rubenjohnsen8005]

The shawshank redemption would be awesome. The importance of hope and friendship, and the contrast between Andy and red

[@wolfwoodphreak]

As a Bj-jitsu practitioner, seeing Rickson Gracie help Bruce deal with the things he can't control and hates about himself to be a better person really REALLY strikes true to me and my life

[@lilam7851]

I grew up watching hulk, who reminded me of my father. I swore I'd never grow up to be like him, and now I have HORRIBLE anger issues. I'm trying my hardest to learn to be better and break the cycle.

[@christinedemarais7733]

My mother, too, was generally very critical. She also had periods of violent rage alternating with deep depression. When I have talked about her behavior with therapists over the years, most have said that it seemed like she was bi-polar. She was never diagnosed or treated, and blamed me and others for "making her mad." It was extremely difficult and damaging for everyone in the family. Anyway, my favorite Hulk is the "Credible Hulk, who always backs up his rage with facts and documented sources." (Librarian humor)

[@laranadesign4764]

I think I remember an interview with the creator of the Hulk talking about how he came up with the character. Living in New York (sitting on his stoop or looking out the window, I can't remember) he heard screaming and then witnessed a woman struggle hard, but manage to lift the front of a car high enough to get her son out from under it. He then started thinking about how everyone, deep down, has raw power that can be tapped into when we need it most. A parent trying to save their child was all that was needed to loose all rational to perform a simple task - lift with every ounce of strength you can gather. Such a wholesome beginning to a character of pure emotion we only now really get to appreciate. Thanks for the great video, as always. 🙂

[@FoxMoxin]

“Genuine anger was one of the world’s great creative forces. But you had to learn how to control it. That didn’t mean you let it trickle away. It meant you dammed it, carefully, let it develop a working head, let it drown whole valleys of the mind and then, just when the whole structure was about to collapse, opened a tiny pipeline at the base and let the iron-hard stream of wrath power the turbines of revenge.” ― Terry Pratchett

[@LovethosePNWVibes]

RIP Sir Terry. God, I miss him.

[@lorospact]

If you read some of the things Neil Gaiman - one of his best friends - said about Sir Terry, it's very clear that Sir Terry was a very angry man. He was very much speaking from experience there, and when you know it, it shows in a lot of his work. You don't get satire and biting wit like that without being furious at some of the stupidity and evils of the world. He used what he knew, the written word, to express that anger and drive the sharp end of his humor and wit into those things. It's probably why reading Sir Terry's books is still a form of catharsis for me. There's a lot of Sir Terry in Sam Vimes, I suspect.

[@FoxMoxin]

@@LovethosePNWVibes he was taken from us far to early, I fear. We could really use him, these days.

[@MirroredPanda]

This...is going to make me cry. I've had anger problems since I was a child. This feels like this will touch my journey, and I really thank you guys for bringing awareness. Everything before the title card got me choked up, because it's TRUE and it needed to be said. Thank you, guys.

[@jcace13]

I’m currently in therapy myself (not for anger but it’s definitely an issue for me) but I’m also learning so much from you guys too, I’m glad I found this channel recently and will be watching every episode soon enough.

[@CinemaTherapyShow]

Thanks so much for your support!

[@-chenlanying5818]

@@CinemaTherapyShow i wished you guys had mention Banner's suicide attempts in Avengers 1, the scene where the team was Tony and Steve were arguing

As someone who went through anger management and jumped through my own pooper to improve, I really appreciated this topic. One of the biggest unintended compliments I ever received on the progress I'd made was when I'd started a new job and was working with a totally new batch of people who didn't know me from before. I *verbally* expressed anger over someone's behavior, and all my new co-workers were aghast because, in their words, "You never get angry! You're the most chill person I know!"

[@logan2113]

I had a lot of anger issues through high school and into my early twenties. I've really only got a handle on it since just before the pandemic. I still get really really angry sometimes when it isn't helpful or appropriate but I don't lash out... now I just need to figure out what to do with it because I sit in a lump enraged and clueless on how to stop being angry. Before, I LOVED being angry. It felt safe, powerful, and good. So it's surreal to be in a place where even though I'm frustrated because I'm stuck in anger to just sit with it and not want to act on the angry impulses. That was an impossible thought before 2019.

[@BountyHunter-ep8jk]

I would love to see a villain therapy on Davy Jones from the second and third pirates movie. Could do a whole episode on betrayal and grief.

[@christiana_mandalynn]

I absolutely loved Davy Jones as a teenager watching the films. I even had my computer screensaver with his picture on it. He was my favorite character. Not sure what that says about me, lol.

[@Neutral_Tired]

Iirc it's been heavy implied or outright stated in the comics that Bruce Banner has DID, and had it even before he became the Hulk, but when he became Hulk his transformations sort of 'bonded' with his alters somehow. The evidence is kinda there, Hulk appears whenever Bruce is stressed, afraid or angry, and systems often switch to a 'protector' alter in such situations. I would interpret Hulk as a protector, specifically a 'fight part', or maybe a persecutor. He might also be a child alter, it would explain his limited intelligence, maybe he was the alter created by child Bruce's mind to protect him from his abusive father and, even though Bruce grew up, Hulk never did, because alters don't really age normally. I don't really know how to feel about that, personally, because sometimes they present Hulk as sympathetic and sometimes as a monster. It's also obviously not a perfect comparison, there are plenty of inaccuracies, not to mention the whole turning into a giant green monster, but it's it's interesting thought.

[@jamesmoyner7499]

You notice though for example in Ragnorok that the longer Hulk is out the smarter he has become. Starting to actually speak in nearly full sentences.

[@Neutral_Tired]

@@jamesmoyner7499 yeah, I noticed that. Alters age weirdly, not necessarily always related to how long they're in control, but I suppose it's theoretically possible one could work like that. Alters are all creations of the brain of the system, so how they work can vary from system to system.

[@ZeitGeist446]

I kinda like how they even rationalized the devil hulk in a way. A protector that sends his abusive energy to those that harm banner instead of banner himself.

[@helixsol7171]

@@ZeitGeist446 Immortal Hulk was such a good run

[@Techydad]

It would be interesting to have Banner and one of Moon Knight's alters have an in-MCU chat about different personalities.

[@starlepus9437]

as someone who grew up with severe issues managing my emotions, especially rage..theres a good reason why the hulk and bruce banner are role models for me

[@mpm1125]

My therapist sent me here today after I referenced the, “I’m always angry.” Because I am and working on it. Great video I’m going to enjoy watching through these videos.

[@bryangoodwin6579]

I went through anger management when I was a kid. People now describe me as a very level headed person. I have had burst of anger throughout my life but I always find myself feeling hate towards myself for not managing it. It’s something that’s always in the back of my mind, something that always has to stay managed when things or people annoy me. Never thought I would find such similarities in the hulk character.

[@MarcosProjects]

In case a "smashing shed" isn't feasible for you, chopping wood or just heaving really heavy rocks around might be more practical. I happen to have a wood burning stove and I purposely leave some logs un-chopped even when preparing a stack of wood for the winter so that I have some to chop if I need the catharsis. I know most people won't have that set up, so just thought that chucking super heavy rocks around an empty area would be a decent stand-in.

[@janedoex1398]

I don't even have a space to sing or dance loud anymore. Last time I was at my parent's house my mom shouted at me because I was too loud though they are friends with 3/4 th of the neighbours, it was 4 pm in the garden .....I can only go where it's dark and there are no people- which wouldn't be a problem if there were really NO people. But I was in .....uhm.....borderline situations way too often, once escaped barely at the last second to risk that.

[@BloodsuckingLover]

Whenever I'm angry, I do food prep. I pound out meat, like flatten and tenderize meat for like the grill, or to freeze for later, or mash potatoes for mashed potatoes by hand, or make bread by hand or I really aggressively clean and organize thing's such as doing laundry, or... any huge project's really.. e en outside, there is always something that needs done and I can get it done fairly quickly while angry

[@emilyrln]

@@janedoex1398 when I'm upset or angry, I find unimportant paperwork (usually junk mail) and tear it in half, then half again, and again, until I can't get the rip to start, then I tear up the strips into confetti. It's really cathartic for me, and it's all but silent for everyone else, so I can do it whenever (thankfully, it's been a while since I needed to). When I'm done, I put all the pieces in a paper bag and staple it shut so it can still be recycled (like the waste from a paper shredder).

[@jkbutterfly3142]

@@emilyrln If I were to have paper shreds, it would be physysically impossible for me to not throw it in the air like confetti lol

[@emilyrln]

@@jkbutterfly3142 lmao XD

[@JustDough]

I would love to see a video about "Where the wild things are" 2009 maybe about toxic friendships or neglect? There's something there that I think you guys could really dig into. Love your videos! Keep it up!

[@grubfriend]

This would be perfect. I watched it as a kid and never quite got the nuance and the conflict.

[@lunavioleta001]

One of the best children's movie. It had the perfect tone and it wasn't overly goofy with awful comedy like most Disney movies.

[@mw7165]

This is relevant to me. I have anger, too, but mine is bottled. My partner tends to have bursts where he gets mad and says super cruel, mean, hurtful things, then when he’s calmed down, feels awful. Usually after drinking. I was just thinking, “huh. He does kinda hulk out…” But I’ve told him that it’s like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. He’s one of the sweetest, most kind, loving, generous people when he’s Jekyll. But when Hyde switches on, it’s a nightmare and he can be really difficult to be around. I have a problem with taking ownership of his anger but I think that likely has to do with my own problems- being the scapegoat of a narcissistic parent, so everything was always my fault, so I tend to take the blame for things that aren’t my fault, often, or blame myself for things that I had little/no hand in.

[@yumikaax2905]

Sorry to hear you are in a hard situation there. Have you tried to see if your partner is willing to work in their anger management? Staying in the relationship just for the times Jekyll is around won't be safe for you emotionally. You deserve a healthy and beautiful relationship full of respect and love. You are worthy of a complete love that makes you feel secure 24/7. Even if you make mistakes, that does not entitle anyone to treat you harshly, and say cruel things to you. Take care of yourself dearest. Be strong and be sure that someone is loving you right now, just the way you are.

[@tophat2115]

I had a buddy with anger issues. He had a child with his girlfriend, they split and their daughter went with her. Subsequently the girlfriend started to get into drugs and other illegal activities and she was not fit to parent. He knew he had to get his temper under control if he was to step up and be the father this child needed and he did. He went to therapy and group therapy and learned about how to control his anger and how to gain perspective on it. He has turned out to be a great dad, a single parent that has raised a well adjusted young woman. He was motivated to do what he needed to do to be the man his daughter needed him to be.

[@matt32992]

Another amazing episode, guys! As someone who has anger issues myself and has been exposed to it over a long period due to family behavior, I found this very *VERY* helpful Some of what Jono says is also what I’ve been working on in my therapy sessions myself and it’s been very instrumental for me. Nowadays, I try to let out my anger in a way that doesn’t hurt anyone or myself, but also just trying to recognize where it comes from and to work through it and cool off before it becomes like a raging inferno I’m surprised that you guys didn’t cover Eric Bana’s Hulk since I also feel his movie was also something Jono could also cover And thank you Alan for sticking up against Scorsese and his opinion against Marvel movies. For him to say what he did just felt really snooty and elitist

[@MistaZULE]

Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but I have to disagree. Scorsese’s opinion isn’t that marvel movies aren’t movies, but they’re separated from “cinema”. I sit down and watch a Marvel film and I’m not looking at symbolism or being challenged by difficult concepts or watching an actor just act in a room. I watch a marvel film, I get an action film with comedy and maybe one emotional scene, and that’s great. It’s still a good film, but it’s not what Scorsese calls “cinema”. Perfect example is the Green Knight from last year. That film could have had huge fight scenes and a star studded cast and it would have been just like a Marvel film, but by going big you would have missed the subtle message the movie had to offer about time and making the most of your life on Earth. Marvel films are great but I don’t leave them with the same feelings I do after watching “cinema” although I have to say James Gunn’s Guardians of the Galaxy films are truly amazing since they have an emotional heart that I find missing from the other films. Again this is all my opinion and you’re definitely not going to agree and that’s great. If we all agreed the world would be very boring.

[@moonknight4053]

There are more good then bad bad marvel movies, but let’s not fan boy to hard and say there aren’t bad marvel movies. Making fun of Thor’s mental health but doing a whole show on wandas? Yeah u cna see the plot holes and disrespect and jokes

[@BlackFolioStudios]

I'm so happy that you guys did this one. I spent the better part of a year going through anger management after spending the better part of my life being angry at everything and nothing at all. I spent a lot of time feeling ashamed for not only my behavior, but how I felt in a given moment. The best advice that helped me (when I realized I was getting angry) was to ask myself, "Is my anger being productive for me." If the answer was no, it was time to excuse myself from the situation and calm down. Sometimes I had to ask myself that question multiple times per incident because my anger might have been productive, but then became unproductive. Thanks so much for this, I love watching these videos.

[@scribblecloud]

thanksi should keep that in mind

[@DamonDraven]

The hard thing is when someone won't let you excuse yourself from the situation.

[@NerveUnderscore]

@@DamonDraven Then you b o l t

[@DrewHorine]

I love what you guys are doing. Normalizing mental health and well-being lets people see they're not alone in their struggles and that getting help is okay. Thank you guys so much!

[@ivanstayner8818]

As someone with ASPD I am VERY easy to anger. And when I was younger, I would go around and break windows, I broke my guitar, I threw a rock into my parents car window, I cut all my mom's roses once, that she was planting. I was not a fun child when I got angry. But my anger isn't something that would go away until I did something destructive. And unfortunately that's is still very much the case. I'm 22 and instead of destroying psychical things. I now destroy mental and emotional things. I will get people fired at my work because they angered me. But I would do it by manipulating and lying to my boss. I have ruined a marriage once because the guy angered me so much. They have now been divorced for 2 years now. All because I was a great lyer and manipulator. So while I don't get physical anymore, and I don't yell and scream and "hulk out" I still can't simply let things go. Because then I get the feeling that iv been wronged. And that's not ok to me. I probably also need therapy.

[@aden5122]

I loved the way they tied the fantasy of the hulk with the very real feeling of anger. The back story of banner in some ways has the hulk in existence before the gamma. The hulk transforms due to the gamma rays but the rage issues and everything exists for banner due to his background. The idea of having a "hulk" can be very true in real life. The "I am always angry" is a great showing of how the hulk is about feeling and not fantasy.

[@Hello-pp3hl]

Thanks for this. My brother had autism and freaks out over the littlest things, but if he can see himself in a movie character maybe he can learn from him. He gets mad if we tell him to calm down, but if we use the word 'hulk' or if he sees how Banner tries to control or aim his anger, maybe he would be more open to calming down when aggravated

[@annikazehm6589]

Have you tried taking what he freaks out about seriously? (Genuine, nothing condescending intended.) Coming from someone who is autistic, people used to constantly tell me to calm down (still do) and it makes me so mad because it's like they don't care about what I'm going through. It's to the point that I won't show you I'm upset until I'm in an unbearable amount of pain because all you're gonna do is tell me to calm down. You don't want your brother to go there. Trust me.

[@Hello-pp3hl]

@@annikazehm6589 yes for sure. I'm so sorry it got to that point for you :( I have ADHD so I have a few similar traits as my brother and can see triggers faster than my parents. So if we're at a party and he's going off the edge, I totally understand because I also hate loud music, big crowds, and generally feel uncomfortable at events. I can also relate when he gets overwhelmed with too many questions or dialogue, and I can point it out to the speaker before my brother lashes out. I think this video is good because at no point do we consider Hulk a villain because of his blow ups. My brother feels embarrassed and ashamed after a meltdown when he sees how people look at him, and it came to the point where he avoids going places now. He thinks people hate him. But people don't hate Hulk, so they won't hate my brother. Also having a word like 'hulk' to let him know when he's getting too intense is helpful because he doesn't know that he is feeling angry until it's too late. He doesn't recognize his emotions or needs, so having someone tell him can let him recognize his triggers for himself and take a moment to calm down in private. Also this might encourage him to take more walks or start being active physically, which will be much better for his wellbeing in the long run

[@avidhossanmansur9830]

“Your anger gives you great power. But if you let it, it will destroy you… As it almost did me.” - Henri Ducard, Batman Begins I think the best thing to do is to recognize our anger and channel it towards something productive. And I m someone who gets very angry over very small things, since childhood. But ever since I started boxing I find myself being less and less triggered. We need to find productive ways to vent our emotions or they will consume us.

[@liz5100]

14:00 I knew a group of paramedics when I was in college who were there to complete medical degrees and they had the wildest stories when it came to just that. Apparently the number of people who can be brought back by shouting at them that they're late for work is: too many. One guy swore by it and would shout at people as he knelt down to do CPR and it usually worked.

[@DreamQuillRose]

Wow. That's kind of awesome, when you think about it. Nice to see something bad (being late for work) used to save lives.

[@bcpr9812]

A suggestion/request for a future video: *The Psychology of Jenny Curran (from Forrest Gump).* She's really misunderstood, and I think it would be good to show the impact childhood sexual abuse has on a person's psychological and social development. Jenny gets a lot of hate for how she treated Forrest in the movie, a lot of people don't understand why Jenny would push Forrest away when he cared about her so much, why she dated abusive losers instead of Forrest, why she posed for Playboy, why she was promiscuous, why she had substance use issues, but... Jenny is someone who was routinely sexually/physically/emotionally abused by her father growing up, she felt so worthless and didn't know how to love herself, and because of that she didn't know how to accept love like what Forrest had to offer. It took becoming a mother for her to learn unconditional love.

[@myplateisempty.4292]

I largely have a mild temper, and most likely cry first than go into a rage fit. So most people I know haven't seen me get angry......which is why when I do get extremely angry enough to throw a fit people get very shocked. I used to do it more as a kid and as I grew into the adult I am now, I'm able to deal with it a lot better. I realized that as a kid I would direct my anger inwards or try to silence my own emotions because of ugly it made me feel until I just couldn't take it anymore. But now I'm able to stop, get some space, catch my breath, re-think my choices or actions and then try again when I'm more calm. Sometimes when I can't step away, I will take a deep breath, then isolate the problem from the person, then physically side with them and offer to listen to their side completely. This changes the dynamic from "we are fighting against each other" to "we are both fixing the problem". When fighting becomes fixing, things always end up resolving amicably.

[@j.gillette5411]

I'd love to hear you guys discuss Arcane. Lots of great, complex characters and relationships.

[@LittleHobbit13]

I've been a bullying victim at many points in my life and I know that those experiences are largely at the root of my anger management struggles because of how defensive I became as a response. It can be very difficult to separate "anger is a valid reaction to what was said/done to you" from "you being angry might make it even worse" because it can feel a lot like leaning into the "you did something to deserve this" narrative, like you being rightfully angry puts you in the wrong for the overall situation. I definitely side with Jono about "my life would be much improved if I'd been taught these self-management skills when I was younger". Figuring this stuff out as an adult when everything is frequently more complex is HARD.

[@SlyJMan]

I had my own anger management issues as a kid, and I had a time where (because of the language adults used to describe it) I found myself seeing my anger as this evil part of me I should avoid. With time, and my own personal form of meditation (walk around my backyard talking to myself) I just reached this understanding that my anger is this amoral part of me that I need to accept to properly control. Anger is like fire, uncontrolled it can hurt, scar, and even destroy yourself or others close to you. But when properly managed, controlled, and “aimed” it can act as a source of power, a way to defend yourself or those you care about, or even, sometimes, a light to help you see the best way forward. I realized that my temper is like a bomb. My bomb is very large, but I have a very short fuse. Some people bottle their anger, or lengthen the fuse in this case. But I’ve found the best way to manage it is to realize the bomb always hurts when it goes off, and just making the fuse easy to snuff out or harder to light in the first place (don’t sweat the small stuff) makes life so much nicer. This was a great episode and I hope many people get this message. Thank you Jon and Alan!

[@admirallily]

There is a reason my nickname was Hulk at my last job. Many people who know me don’t believe I struggle with my anger because they’ve not seen it. Those that know me and gave sadly seen it sadly write me off as just angry and selfish. This was the video I’ve needed for years. I work very hard and made a lot of progress because I don’t like being angry. And it only made things worse when people said “just choose not to be angry.”

[@phoenix55755]

One of my favorite quotes I read in one of my books on Zen, "How people treat you is their Karma, how you react is yours."

[@Ithenna]

"I didn't know I had an anger problem until I had kids" Geez, wow, that is a relatable statement. I have SPS (sensory processing sensitivity), and figured out how to manage it pretty well throughout my life and especially while I was in college, but once I had kids, most of my management strategies were... pretty much rendered useless. I could no longer just ignore the overwhelming sounds of one toddler demanding my attention while the infant was whaling for food the way I could block out music that was playing too loud, or take a break when I needed to because my husband was at work, because if I did, the toddler might get into trouble. I would try to get sleep, but when the baby was waking me up every four hours at night, no matter how many cat naps I took with my kid, I just couldn't shake off the ever irritated and sleepy feeling I had. Then I was having health issues from pregnancy to top it off. The result was that I constantly felt like that pot boiling at an 8. I've learned a few management strategies for dealing with the infant and toddler tantrums along the way, but man is it hard learning how to be a parent 😅

[@scribblecloud]

and this is why i will never have children lol

[@cleverjade巧玉]

You've got this!!

[@socialdeviant13]

Okay, what are your tricks? because I have a 3yo and 5yo who are very loud (and my 5yo whines at the PERFECT tone to drive me batty), and I am working on getting them to "bring down the decibel," but it still takes a LOT of focus, energy, and patience.

[@Ithenna]

@@socialdeviant13 Well, my kids haven't reached age five yet, so that may be a little out of my field of experience, but what I can say is communication with your kids is a major key factor, as well as sometimes just knowing when to walk away for a moment to catch your breath before you knee jerk react and say something dumb or harmful. If you can explain to your kid in simple terms why they can't do something at a particular time, and offer some alternative or another time/place when they can do whatever is bugging you at the time, it definitely helps. That won't magically make the problem go away of course - you'll have some days when your kid just doesn't want to listen. When that happens, I usually try to figure out why they aren't listening. Sometimes my son is bored and doesn't know it, in which case he needs a new activity or something new to learn, and sometimes he's tired, in which case he might need to go to bed a little early that night, and other times he's jealous of his sister, in which case he needs explanations of why sister is getting different treatment (due to age or ability difference), or why he should be nice to sister (because if he is not nice to her, it teaches her to be mean to him too - so relating the problem to him in a way he understands). And other times, it's just a matter of realizing I'm tired and grumpy and probably should let/trust my husband to handle a situation when I know I can't. He is definitely the calmer of the two of us. And if you know there are triggers for you, look for ways in your down time to reduce how badly those triggers affect you. It might mean a change in routine with your kids, it might mean turning off an electronic device to eliminate additional distractions that add to your feeling overwhelmed, it might mean rearranging the location of a few items to keep small children out of things they often get into trouble with, it might mean taking some time to pray, or squeezing a walk into your schedule to help you emotionally decompress. There's all sorts of different strategies you could take. Maybe talk to you partner about the things that stress you out and see if they have some ideas about how to handle it. Sometimes an alternative perspective can push you out of a rut when you can't see a solution. And I definitely don't have all the answers yet - in fact, I probably never will because it's always case by case and child by child. What works for one of my kids doesn't work for the other because of their widely different personality types. It takes a lot of trying to see things from your kid's perspective to try and understand them too. Hope that helps somehow.

[@pizzacarp]

​@@Ithenna I know this is pretty old, but do you have any advice when it comes to managing your anger towards your newborn? My daughter is 2 months old, and when she is screaming and nothing seems to work, I have a really hard time controlling my anger. I've never had to deal with it like this before, so I'm not sure what to do.

[@shellyhill6804]

I’ve been to a “rage cage” a couple of times. It’s a small trailer filled with breakables and metal and old tvs and stuff. You’re given a bat and a mace and some protective gear and 30 minutes to smash the shit outta stuff. It’s very therapeutic.

[@tinad8561]

Oh, my that sounds like fun. Tiring, but fun.

[@EtamirTheDemiDeer]

God I want that

[@masonjenks7636]

This is a great psychology of a hero video because my brother also has an anger problem similar to Bruce Banner. Can you please react to Captain Jack Sparrow?

[@SableJ]

I really connected with this video, I had a recent moment where I got in a fight with my brother, and it happened about a month ago. We had a physical fight and when I was mad I said some things I didn't mean. I took a minute to calm down, I went and apologized, he said he accepted it, but I don't think he fully accepts it. Now we aren't talking to each other, which makes me feel awkward when we are at family functions.

[@mountainmummanz8418]

Maaaaaaan ok so I've watched so many of your videos but I haven't had a wee cry...til this. Didn't expect it to happen during a video essay on The Hulk!! But the anger thing resonates so much with me. Months of SA in a LTR years ago, that I didn't recognize at the time because it didn't look like what I thought rape was supposed to look like. So, of course, the feelings of worthlessness, the sense of betrayal, the sadness was never dealt with. For 13 years. And I turned that inwards and it manifested outwards as anger and I was so fucking angry, all of the time. I hated people, I didn't trust people, I hated the world, the system...and of course my ex, the perpetrator, who I had remained in a relationship with long after the SA had stopped. I found any excuse to lash out at him. And of course, I hated myself for being so angry all the time and I hated being angry, but I just thought it was me and I couldn't change it. Til I figured out what he had actually done was rape me repeatedly and suddenly it made sense, I sought therapy 3 years ago and worked through my grief, through those big, sad feelings of worthlessness that he reinforced to me every time he did it and over time the anger disappeared. In the beginning, when the anger was triggered (and it was always to with the ex and feeling disrespected/unseen/ignored) I would go down to the river I have on my back doorstep and throw rocks and scream it out. I don't need to do that anymore. He is still in my life as we share a child, he still triggers me occasionally, I still get angry, but it's so much less now and I recognize those sensations in my body and I know how to manage it. When you talked about that and about anger being a secondary emotion, that there's always something-hurt, grief, sadness etc beneath it...that resonated with me so much. Coz I had so much of that that I had suppressed, purely because I didn't understand what I had gone through and so didn't think I had the right to feel the way I did. I'm a completely different person now. Love your work, love your channel guys. You do good work in this world 🤗

[@redscorner4324]

This really hits home for me who has a father who gets like this and has never taken responsibility for how he reacts when he's upset. It's really hard to try communicating with him, when he starts arguments that can become violent.

[@OpalJess]

My ex husband was like that. Thankfully we parted ways, but he would often have those ‘so angry I blacked out’ moments. That lead him to never remember the things he did so I always was left taking the blame for his abusive tendencies. Till the end he never took responsibility. I hope your situation improves, sending love ♥️

[@Dragedill]

As a person with anger management problems, it was nice to see The incredible hulk, where Bruce only became The Hulk, when he was cornered. It shows the defensive mechanism the "Fight" part of the fight or flight mentality. I try to avoid fights and arguments too, or solve it in a logical calm way, but when i feel cornered i can lash out on others too, and then i regret it after.

[@sarahmoller7308]

I personally stopped being so angry and in rage all the time when I finally accepted EVERY aspect of myself - the good AND the bad. In the past many people told me that I'm too aggressive, that I behave like an uncontrolled monster and that I am not okay the way I am. And partly they were right but they also tried to manipulate and belittle me. It's super easy and convenient for 'normal' people to put all the blame on the more difficult and mentally unstable ones because they're acting out of the norm anyway, right? That hurts. I might have had my problems but I wasn't stupid. Well long story short, I managed to embrace all of me, the good stuff and the bad stuff and I continue to this day to learn and grow and to do better and act more carefully. It's not always working, I have my bad days too but so does everyone. I own up to my mistakes, I apologize where it's truly my place to apologize but I don't demonize myself anymore. Every emotion has a right to exist - joy, sadness, jealousy, goofy little moments, and yes, even anger.

[@charliesnark6535]

The "That's my secret, I'm always angry" line hits so hard too, if i wanted I really could just turn on my anger right now, and its something that is unfortunately easy to turn on or get set off and hard to control and come down from. And it's unfortunate that in the real world the times when turning on anger are truly useful and/or helpful, are few and far between.

[@michaelsenko3177]

I never read The Hulk when I was younger, but I have learned that Bruce was physically abused by his father growing up. His repressed anger makes sense knowing that information. It would also makes sense that the splitting of himself would create a dislike the victim part of himself; "Puny Banner." The MCU movies never addressed his childhood abuse and how his gamma exposure allowed him to turn into his repressed anger, and then feeling the remorse of identifying with his abuser.

[@honnycal]

I haven't thought about this with any of the other videos I've seen from these guys, but Jonathan uses a very inclusive language. Instead of sitting on a high horse and telling others how their anger wreaks things he says "we" or "our". You don't feel as called out in a negative way when he puts it like that. It feels more like a friend whos been through the same stuff as you're working through. Loved this episode.

[@_elle]

This episode helps me so much, and I wish I had it ten years ago when I didn't have these words. I was talking with friends about our favorite Avengers, and I got roasted hard for favoring Hulk. No one wants to be attracted to aggression with wild abandon - it's so easy to label Hulk raging out as toxic and choose a more noble tempered favorite like Captain America. Which is fair! But I loved how Hulk was a vehicle for the uncontrollable. He's a literal force of change for how I viewed anger management, and it's a battle I've struggled with myself all my life. The way he can face his own anger that is usually an embarrassing, stigmatized, even fearful or shameful thing but acknowledge it and accept it and work with it was so empowering. If I could also accept where my anger was coming from, maybe I could handle the physical response like he does. Anger feels like the Hulk, it feels so overwhelming and insurmountable. He offered a healthy balance, a coping mechanism, and he made it so damn cool. Banner is the sweetest, smartest guy on the team, and I love that he could be that and also have issues regulating his anger. Really takes away the stigma and villainy like I've not seen in media before.

[@jlcollins14]

I work with youth and one of the things I've used in anger cases, is the bottled up explosion analysis. I explain that all the stress and emotions get stored inside a bottle - typically being the representation of the brain. When we can't fit anything else in that bottle it explodes like a can of shaken pop/soda. If we want to prevent that from happening, we have to designate certain portions of the bottle into glasses which represents personal journals and reflections, family, friends, communities, etc. At the end of the day, I encourage a release of those stresses. Even just one - talking about things with trusted listeners, journalling what is bothering you, exercising or playing a game with friends, etc. I don't think this works in all cases, but I think it helps to shift focus from I can't talk about this with anyone, to who can I ask for help and how.

[@Si-cr5sk]

I taught preschool gymnastics, often with special needs kids, and one Halloween, one of the boys came to class in a hulk costume. Throughout the class, he would be in the middle of an obstacle course when he’d stand up and shout “hulk smash!” And then proceed to jump from mat to mat, knocking over anything he could get his hands on. It ended up being a very fun class and I loved how in character he was even though it was being disruptive.

[@paulschumacher4308]

I had to deal with emotional extremes as a kid and now I'm helping my daughter with her own emotions. I totally relate to Hulk.