Making Yourself More Attractive in No Contact

[@ewardbach8955]

She contacted me after day 43, to say hey and wish me Merry Christmas.

[@CliftonSamuels]

Did you reply? What happened eventually?

[@jannlewandowski5540]

Hi Ken! Emotional pain is MUCH worse than physical pain. I've been thru a LOT for 5 years with a TOXIC person. I was sick for a long time. I went into Therapy for a year, and I made sure I kept busy. I saw my friends, read self-help books, and prayed. It worked. It took me 2 years to get over my ex narc, and the videos with Coach Lee REALLY HELPED. KEN, thank you for thus video. Always remember WHERE you came from. ♥️⚘️

[@Rainbowgoth5]

It's so true ...I'm going through it ATM

[@darkcloudsilverglint4552]

I'm guessing the trauma bond 💔 would heal with time or do we actually have to go to therapy for it, 😔 I'm bankrupt DPT wife is in therapy kids are in therapy and I am just trying to cope with life the best way I can, but she seems to have super powers over me and get the best out of me...

[@sylvainhorn7087]

Can you increase the level of your mic please? You are the only channel that I can't hear properly even with headphones on and it's frustrating because your content sounds great! Thank you man

[@billberka2646]

You and Coach Lee have become like family to me. Thank you

[@CoachKen]

Mental hug my friend

[@fire12731]

They are incredible @Bill Berka I agree

[@fourstringgirl]

For real! My ex is coming around so I have a real chance at reconciliation. But l don't want to give up Ken and Lee! 😭

[@billberka2646]

@@fourstringgirl you never should. If you do you'll start making the same mistakes all over again guaranteed. There's always more to be learned!

[@gabordudas5404]

After breakup I started Coach Lee videos. Lee's videos are easy to understand, easy to digest, good for beginners. Your videos are much more advanced, you have to understand what you say. For Coach Lee videos you just enough to hear, they are easy to let into your mind. Coach Ken videos are for advanced viewers.

[@robertwhitehead9831]

I agree. Started with Coach Lee who is awesome then move to these more advanced ones.

[@SS-in1ts]

Some days I need coach Lees advice when it’s too much to bare. I love their content equally, and just depends where I’m at mentally.

[@classydyme113086]

Lord I feel better after my second try of no contact day 13. I have not cried about in two weeks. My last cry was about me taking a test that would change my life and how far I’ve come!🙏🏽🙌🏽

[@xavierayayaell546]

Hope things have improved for you.

[@SS-in1ts]

@@xavierayayaell546 I second that

[@kagamitaiga9167]

The first weeks of NC felt like youve been buried again and again 😢

[@darkcloudsilverglint4552]

Key action fellas, find something that you can be able to cope... for me it has been going back to my favorite spot surfing.

[@electric5hadow]

It’s the narrative that we need to grow a 6 pack, get a promotion at work, have the charisma of a stand-up comedian, the seduction skills of James Bond, the social schedule of the celebrity……while we are dealing with the breakup. This is the most discouraging thing about dealing with the breakup recovery community.

[@CoachKen]

No - unrealistic goals and deniable of pain are terrible things to strive for. Reminding yourself of your authentic gifts and authentic worth is not the same thing as what you're describing but I understand and agree with the heart of what you're saying here

[@Muppet.master]

Brother your here once , with or without them 🙏 keep smiling 😁😁 it will be real one day ❤

[@sanjeevkumarbagarty3180]

Coach believe me, it was 1year but the pain level is same.....but right now I'm not contacting them i removed from everything that she should feel the real loss of me....she don't know anything about my current situation....

[@heather-jk1sj]

Thanks for helping us see that there is hope to be found in the midst of disappointment & heartbreak.

[@tithi214]

Sir! You speak facts 💯

[@fishfarming7414]

Your videos are much perfect in this subject. You have studied much and proper back up with you👍

[@CoachKen]

I appreciate that!

[@themanman165]

as far as taking any little thing off of social media and building a story around it is so true, my ex girlfriend just posted a picture of her buying some heels add my thought right away went to oh my gosh she’s buying heels because she’s gonna start going out because she wants to meet someone new! Like it’s crazy how our brain thinks about shit like that but it’s 100% true man

[@free2bme604]

So true my ex posted a video ... I m like he's at another girls house ... where is he a hotel a Airbnb he's with someone I hear pots someone is coming for him 😢I screen shot the video trying ti analyze where and who it must be with another girl 😢it's insane

[@johnlivingstone1749]

​@free2bme604 That sounds like torture ..honestly you'll look back on this period of your life and laugh

[@tomie4173]

Coach Ken :"They'll find a way to peek in on that other person. There are websites that you can go to and kinda look in without them knowing that you're looking at their Instagram..." Me : 🌚 I did not expect to get called out like this lol

[@CoachKen]

Oh yeah - and the majority of times, both do end up looking at the other

[@eminemstrash2021]

I have a gal with bpd symptoms who's been off and on with me for about 9 months now. Circumstances keep us apart, which seems to make the relationship more dynamic. She's letting go (again), and everytime I'm like ok, cool, do what you need to. She'll be back. It's only a matter of time. The problem is what to do when she does, she's untreated, but she really needs a stable friend, and thats what I've been for her.

[@CoachKen]

be careful - very addictive personalities. But its sweet you want to be her friend as long as you don't let that pull you back into the pit of despair and wanting her back so badly. Remember if she really needs you she could make the choice to be with you

[@eminemstrash2021]

@CoachKen right on. My identity is very strong and my emotions are stable. I'm prepared for all outcomes and enjoying the ride.

[@lesliekayrichmond4805]

I was completely resonating with what you were saying!! So disappointed that I had to turn it off because of the sound...Hope you redo this..

[@schylerjohnson9216]

“Cause you’re really just trying to live out who you are when you’re not in so much pain” you’re a poet my guy 🤌🏼

[@tearthangel373]

Thank you for your advice

[@Leaveitalone1382]

I need to get to the point where knowing it’s over is ok. Right now I’m hoping it gets better. That’s not a realistic hope. NC is to move on, not to get him back. He’s not coming back. Too many notches in his bed post.

[@LonelyRider87]

Another great video 📹 I like your style.

[@JM-qj4tr]

Thank you

[@silvanacuric817]

Top !!!

[@tearthangel373]

I would have rather been physically abused instead of psychologically abused by his chronic lies and Covert head games to meet his multiple addictions including sex addiction. I still love him but am holding boundaries

[@Katie_Jo_21]

Real question. Sincerely curious, If both parties, assume (male and female) that care about one another utilize your services and/or advice both unknowingly. Will both end up in stubborn persistent no contact and not speak for ages? 😅 lol P.S. Not intending to be rude. Maybe I never got to the “when to break or cave in” video 😉 💀

[@CoachKen]

No. Because both parties can't be the primary decision maker to break up. Usually one is more the instigator and or dumper. Every situation is different. I don't advise the same reaction to all circumstances

[@Katie_Jo_21]

@@CoachKen Dang guess I have to face reality that I was dumped. 😂 Or least left in red. But I still kicking life good. Seriously though. That makes a whole lot of sense when you put it that way. Thanks Ken. Appreciate you and Lee. Gave me many things to address and consider in my life.

[@fourstringgirl]

I'm starting to hate him though.....and I'm not sorry about it either. He took me through the pits of hell with this breakup, stringing me along. Five and a half months of hell. He deserves no happiness as long as he lives.

[@jumpedintheriverwhatdidise5499]

I'm starting to feel this way too. I've been in no contact a month and not heard a thing. All this time I've been suffering like you wouldn't believe. All they had to do was reach out and they didn't. And I'm suffering over them, a person who won't even send a text . Starting to see what a fool I am

[@tearthangel373]

I did my Fawn and Freeze trauma response and allowed him to follow me home. He wanted a sources of supply.

[@frankrobbins5130]

Ken did these techniques and procedures work for Mary people we’re already separated

[@CoachKen]

They can yes

[@MM-kf3gq]

What if they really are engaged ?

[@CoachKen]

Even more important that you don't jump in and "compete"

[@stefpix]

OK some good advice, but also turning it around. The friend who has the crush on "us" for years, who is cool and there, who left us space, will we ever find her attractive? So does no contact works to win back someone? Sometimes maybe. Or does it turn a friend into a lover/partner? if it worked well, we would also end up being sexually attracted to the platonic friend who for a long time had a crush on us

[@killerkid245]

I think if the potential attraction is already there in that situation, they could fall for the friend who confesses their feelings. But I don't think you can get someone to fall for you just because you "play it cool" around them. I think his example mostly refers to an ex where you already know they had attraction/feelings for you at some point in the past so you know that potential exists already.

[@genietravelblog2940]

So sad .. even my dog before likes to see hi to him .. but even my dog he did not see hi .. I just did not know that it was part of the no contact.. so I was feel rejected..so I moved away from him .. and move on

[@genietravelblog2940]

Him I mean

[@naziasvoice]

Why would you be warm with them and not neutral?

[@CoachKen]

Neutral can come across as cold or passive aggressive which lets them know they still have impact on you which can actually reinforce the idea that you're still invested - being warm but not in pursuit projects strength and can trigger re-examination, uncertainty, and second guessing

[@wandayarbrough]

Where's coach Lee at? After 2 year's no he's not coming back and I don't won't him back.

[@CoachKen]

Coach Lee is somewhere being awesome - but he;'ll be back tomorrow night with a Super Chat at 6pm cst

[@tomdick1777]

1000% spot on! Ty I needed this.

[@jason2723]

I made all the mistakes

[@jason2723]

When I see her I start off well but then I lose myself

[@CoachKen]

you and me both

[@tearthangel373]

I need to stop responding to his emails as he deflecting

[@Leaveitalone1382]

The deflection was off the charts. Every rejection was for “my benefit”

[@tearthangel373]

As long as I have Jesus I will be safe ❤

[@lynnmade2488]

I'm currently in no contact with my ex. I broke up due to red flags that caused me to remove myself from his life for self preservation. He has made contact twice the last was for Mothers Day Wish text and I responded. We share a dog that lives with him and I don't know if I should enquire about the dog coz I actually gave it to him. Also, its Father's Day soon should I reciprocate? Someone please advise.

[@robertwhitehead9831]

No. Hope you didn't.

[@annabylina]

Dear Ken, from your experience how many couples the breaking up are coming back into reunion?

[@Cornelius1212]

Read something like 40 percent, some say almost 50 percent, but that seems way to high, but different statisticts range between 30-50, so in between. Also aks yourself, how many people do you know who have broken up only to get back together. I was amazed when I started going through my friends and thinking about their previous partners, it was close to 40 percent.

[@Dweller777]

Pop filters are cheap.

[@fpi8584761]

Dude you need to put a filter on that damn microphone 😂

[@CoachKen]

added one :)

[@650Ryder]

You have a very effective way of communicating this information. It’s very much appreciated - thank you.

[@MetaPhysStore0770]

"Be warm, be relaxed, be brief" thats great advise!

[@bakwoludovic117]

“Don’t fight the pain… it can be paralyzing” I laughed 😂😂😂

[@CiluhStyle1]

😂

[@michaelbannon4467]

This is an excellent video. very relevant.

[@izdark8733]

12:16

[@cfnaround1585]

She’s going through a divorce, moving to a new place with her 2 children, and dealing with a new job. She said she’s struggling to hold place for me and needs to be alone. Last things she said is maybe one day she will reach out when she’s ready and she loves me. I don’t know if she will ever come back, but I miss the shit out of her every day. I’ve been in no contact for a bit more than 2 weeks. I wish there was something I could do to

[@MHcp8]

I feel you. Mine recently divorced a pathological narcissist and has sole custody of two young kids but lost their job a year ago as a result of emotional turmoil from the disintegrating marriage and has struggled to find a new path. They suddenly realized they weren't ready and wanted to get their life out of a dark place before pursuing a new relationship. I help myself by remembering that miracles can happen and life can turn on a dime, for better or for worse....kind of a bittersweet idea but it's true. I'm both waiting and not waiting.... I'm taking care of some stuff in my own life that holds me back as well.

[@TheLT81837]

Same except it’s him I’m waiting on him…divorce, new place, financial splits, he has no young kids but all causing stress and unable to hold a place for me. He said space. I spin in my head that it will turn into an end. I can’t stop thinking negatively. It’s dark.

[@dfateekh]

The story about dogs is hilarious 😅

[@werlder]

I had an ex who, after a month or so being apart, wanted to meet up and chat. She saw plainly that I was a wreck who really really wanted her back, and she straight up offered a hug and time to make out, both in an effort for “closure”. She was indeed a manipulator so hearing you say that really connected dots for me just now

[@dfateekh]

Thank you! This is useful information😊

[@joanofarcxxi]

Great advice.

[@genietravelblog2940]

So true … as I watched your videos .. I had a lot of realizations… so much to learn.. it might be used if your ex will be back or not

[@tearthangel373]

My X was a pathological liar and addict and I wasn’t aware of it

[@fire12731]

I love Coach Ken. He and Coach Lee are terrific. Pain is hard yes. Love you Coach .. … Shirl …

[@CoachKen]

SHIRL!!! Mental hug!

[@fire12731]

@@CoachKen back at you Ken

[@afellowfriend906]

Thank you Coach 🤝💙

[@izdark8733]

12:46

[@ElizabethAClark]

Great advice! Great video!!

[@Nunaboubou]

You are amazing

[@danasmith8390]

Truth !!! Please preach false realities in our own minds

[@wr4050]

❤️❤️❤️😘

[@pimmpinjim895]

I was all about your videos until I realized most of them are about winning that toxic person back. You will never have a healthy relationship with them and should not seek them back and watch videos of people who will encourage you to take care of yourself not go back to someone who will hurt you like this.

[@deborahgloria3867]

Other people are rude, and not friends want to see you hurt

[@deborahgloria3867]

They act like sadist. Narcissistic malignant

[@starlightdreamer1999]

I think I have a unusual situation. There is someone who I love but deep down I realize that we arent really meant to be in a romantic relationship but more importantly I want the emotional connection with him . He recently blocked me and it hurts so bad. I just want to be friends but he is the type who avoids anything that matters . Thus has made me awarw that I am insecure in many ways and I feel like a abandoned fool.

[@mikeypiezzo]

21 days in after a 2 month relapse

[@CoachKen]

You got this!

[@mikeypiezzo]

@@CoachKen thank you for what you do. Your videos have been keeping me sane. I’m a talented musician and it makes me think this is why I have trouble changing the Channel. She reached out to me in March but not for a good reason and I pushed to see her so technically I didn’t break it to begin with. I am thinking about making an appointment with you. You are a great person thanks again