Coercive Control and Domestic Violence with Laura Richards

[@sarahmurphy-nf4yl]

LAURA is a BREATH of FRESH AIR.

[@kristinmeyer489]

I can't believe this channel isn't so much more viewed and popular. Excellent content. Thank you. What you provide is invaluable.

[@DrJaimeZuckerman]

Thanks so much! That means a lot :)

[@sarahcraigpratt4902]

Because it is a painful subject.

[@no1pinkjellybean]

one of the many things that astounds me about Laura Richards is how composed she is.

[@mel-tp5hi]

Thank you for your excellent video, I also love Laura Richards who I've seen throughout the years on various documentaries. My 80yr old handicapped mum (ex battered wife, divorced) was a victim of coercive control by her heroin criminal son (50yrs). She was no doubt repeating the "trauma bond/learned helplessness/shame cycle" vicious circle. Nobody (police, safeguarding, elderly abuse, associations, etc) could do anything as long as my mum kept saying she was ok with him living with her. But that's the very problem ... of course, she's going to say that, because she is being coercively controlled to say that!! duh!! How can the victim decide what's in her best interests with coercion going on, that's the very definition of coercion ... the victim doesn't get to decide anything, all her decisions are coerced through force or threats. Concerning my mother, there was blatant abuse going on (financial, psychological, emotional, physical abuse). She only agreed after 4 years to escape from that nightmare when she could no longer breathe, no longer speak and yet he still had her begging my sister on the phone for more money! The recordings are absolutely harrowing to hear, I for one will have to get EMDR just to be able to cope with what I've heard on those phone messages, my heart and soul has been absolutely shattered. When my sister didn't give him the money he wanted for his heroin, he would continue punishing my mother, not letting her feed herself, stopping her drinking water, stopped her sleeping, possibly drugging her, threatened her with hurting and kniving her family, hurting her neighbours. I'm going to call a cat a cat: Heroin junkies are pure evil! Why don't we as a society have more of a duty of care towards victims of coercive control (including battered wives). Perhaps we should step in more and not let the victim call the shots, because behind her is the coercive controller!!?! She is just the puppet on a string, any ounce of "free will" she had went long ago! The argument is that "we can't take away her freedom, her will, her sense of empowerment/agency" ... but she has none of that!! It's already all been taken away by the coercive controller. Why doesn't anyone get that? Is everyone is denial or worse collusion, about what's really going on here? Why don't we as a society have more of a duty of care towards victimes of coercive control (including battered wives). Why don't we find a way of breaking through the victim's (and society's?) protection of her perpetrator? He's getting away with murder, he knows as long as he has the power and control, she is putty in his hands. As long as he can frighten, blackmail, intimidate and traumatise her into not exposing him, as long as we protect the controller and not the victim, he will continue to get away with it. How many more women/children are going to die at the hands of their controller? How many more innocent young girls sex-trafficked out because otherwise their pimps will hurt/kill their family? The victim is held over a barrel. We really do have a duty of care to them. One change that has taken place is not accepting battered wives withdrawing their initial police report. Bravo, but we need to do a hell of a lot more, that's just the tip of the iceberg. With every victim, there is also a huge ripple effect. Children, family, parents, friends, all traumatised and helpless/powerless too at not being able to do anything for their loved one, next generations traumatised, and on it goes. Until we turn this power and control shift around. And stop letting evil reign.

[@kristinmeyer489]

46:32 Imo there's a patriarchally based misappropriation of the benefit of the doubt, which many men purposely exploit.

[@marleyofficialmedia]

Great conversation, thank you.

[@DrJaimeZuckerman]

Thanks for tuning in!

[@thereseschab5042]

I went through this.....soul-destroying.

[@KD-gd5oq]

Lundy Bancroft opined that most abusers are NOT pure narcissists, in that they treat others outside the home just fine. The abuse is confined to the intimate relationship. Pure narcs will treat *everyone* that way.

[@marybonnell318]

Thank you for ❤

[@dee24680]

Great interview - both of you! To everything in it - yes, yes...yes and yes, hear hear and yes 👋

[@DrJaimeZuckerman]

Thank you! Glad you enjoyed the episode :)

[@debbiedolan5842]

I’m still dealing with shame from leaving my ex husband because he was coercive controlling me but no one in my life recognizes it.

[@india1422]

Yes!! I felt that the red flags in my relationship was an indicator of what was right due to my own childhood experiences. It was not until my sun was born that I actually realised I was being sniffed, because I didn't want him to grow up on fesr of my life. That was the lightbulb. If I was scared about him then that would mean I was being abused. Punches in the face didn't tell me that...

[@kristinmeyer489]

I bet Amber Heard would have been accused of "breakup violence," had the term been canned then.

[@kristinmeyer489]

1:04:11 There DOES seem to be something amis, when the patriarchy has to reach THOUSANDS OF YEARS INTO MYTH, IN ORDER TO "JUSTIFY" UNDERCUTTING THE OTHER HALF OF THE POPULATION.

[@Mychannel67-wh4tc]

Plausible deniability is a problem. I had a very dangerous ex who was stalking. I showed a police woman an email which was couched in polite language. She didn’t see the threat. The staking escalated so I went back to the police, the next policeman understood the threats. It’s pot luck. Stalkers are psychopaths.

[@harmonyvaneaton4101]

Two of the smartest women!

[@DrJaimeZuckerman]

Aw, thank you so much!

[@odonaldcoaker6892]

It always takes 2 to tango ...there is not always an abuser and reciever....alot of times it's much deeper and many many times the victim has to pay because of manipulation for example. The Justice System do not have the resources to get to the root of the problem so yes ..in many cases Justice is only given to who they " think " is the abuser ..but are wrong on lots of occasions in domestic disputes

[@Messier45_Pleiades]

The American woman is so annoying. She sounds like a teenager saying "like" all the time, not to mention her exaggerated tone of voice. Laura is so well spoken and intelligent. Laura sounds like an adult talking to a teenager.

[@Seodejohn]

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