Defeated McCarthy Blames Democrats | Why Biden’s Dog Keeps Biting Secret Service Agents

[@hmdwgf]

"The lobbyists and special interests who own our leadership" he's actually completely right about that- the only issue being that he is one of those politicians they own (give money to). He has said otherwise- but Gaetz is such a dishonest and slimy character that there is no way he isn't lying.

[@KG-xs3ih]

OR even the lobbyists think he is too slimy to be trusted to do what they want, so they refuse to give him money... therefore, he's just jealous and wants to burn the place down 😂

[@dgrant7291]

Republicans passed the Citizens United that took away all restraints on lobbyist money...totally..then repubs voted they no longer would report who or how much their donations are...yea..so they turned congress into an auction house. That congresswoman showing her vote and soliciting money on line for doing it is pretty close to putting her vote for bid/auction on ebay! Classy group republicans'.......wow!

[@karinpewe3840]

I´m sure he gets payed by Putin.

[@DiakosDelvin]

As many have said before "every accusation is a confession".

[@8arrows]

Looked it up recently. The highest paying lobbyist at the Monet is the Real Estate Association. When Obama was in office it was Insurance and pharmaceutical companies. Hence the mandate he set that everyone have health insurance.

[@wendyprince8311]

House rule 26 prohibits anyone who has been indicted from being speaker.

[@RabblesTheBinx]

You actually expect Republicans to follow a rule they established, in the first place? 😂😂😂

[@lenawagenfuehr53]

Oh, what,like the Biden rule?

[@p.j.m.d.1948]

Oh I’m sure they’d make an exception for their orange overlord. I just don’t see how he’d have the time to do the job with all of his upcoming court dates. Hell, nothing will get done… wait…

[@RabblesTheBinx]

@@lenawagenfuehr53 swing and a miss, Rule 26 was created by the Trump-led GOP.

[@petermiller114]

Republicans: Rules? Rules!? We don't need no steenking rules!

[@megduncan3562]

German Sheppards are really a one-family dog. They are not about to let somebody near their humans that they don't know or like. Poor Commander, he's just trying to do his job and the guys who also have that job are getting in his way!

[@beeb826]

They are great dogs, but many have issues with reactivity to some degree. Some are over enthusiastic and not aggressive but could make other dogs uncomfortable, others are anxiety driven and where concerns lie. I have one of each and both are making great improvements after they started classes for reactive dogs. they needed to learn self soothing methods the class gives an opportunity to teach to encourage. Shepherds and their mixes are the most common breed in attendance to this class. One of mine is a german shepherd mix. They need a lot of mental and physical stimulation which commander probably is not getting. It makes working with them on these issues easier. I have run into a lot of German shepherds like this lately.

[@professorbutters]

@@beeb826 The White House is probably not the greatest place for them. I know Joe Biden absolutely loves German Shepherds, but maybe he should learn to love a Golden Retriever or a Lab for a while. It is too bad, though. I'd be very upset if my cats kept being taken away. No reports on Willow shredding stuff or peeing on antiques so far.

[@SN-sz7kw]

At this point I like knowing Uncle Joe has a second line of defense. Perhaps Commander is on to something. Trust the dog.

[@Knight-Bishop]

He can smell coup-scented deleted texts years after the phones have been destroyed.

[@SetsuneW]

*McCarthy craps his pants, looks down in mock surprise* "Why would Democrats do this?"

[@gamepapa1211]

McCarthy: *shoots a man sitting on a couch* "Why have the Democrats committed such a senseless act of violence?"

[@rachelgarber1423]

🤣😂

[@chenzen1578]

... and it Gaetz who put laxatives in his coffee

[@tdearsan]

excellent

[@brandonwei2430]

​@chenzen1578 and Gaetz TOLD him that he did it, and McCarthy still drank it and said "bring it."

[@deviritter5232]

He blamed the Democrats for trying to shut down the government on Sunday’s talk shows and thought they’d defend him Monday. 🤨

[@justadad6677]

Life is better when Colbert is on air.

[@openmike4559]

Then your life is pretty miserable, but that’s to be expected.

[@WaterborneCamper]

@@openmike4559 says the guy spending his free time crying in the comment section of a show he doesn't like 🤣🤣

[@Antony..24]

You must have a sad life

[@openmike4559]

@@M.Linoge if you need Colbert to make your day better, yes, you have a miserable life.

[@aerinellis1133]

I missed the late show so much! Thank you writers! Thanks to everyone who stayed strong and came back stronger!

[@ImahSillyGirl]

SO GOOD to have you ALL back! 👍🏼♥️👏🏻

[@lizkendrick9004]

Stephen I'm so so pleased that you're back and that the writers were successful in their strikes. Absorbing the nonsense of the American political landscape is made all the more palatable with your humour. 😅

[@SkylerKPHDtrustmebroUNI]

😂they weren't successful! They only agreed through a vote. A vote that didn't allow the writers who made less than $36,000 in 6 years to participate in (like an alarmingly BIG chunk of the guild)...and it was the exact same offer they got in the first month!

[@openmike4559]

You really need to get a life.

[@jeanneganrude8549]

@@SkylerKPHDtrustmebroUNI Well, this just f*kkin sucks.

[@Echo81Rumple83]

i'm currently tryna detoxify from watching 5 months straight of bad news with little to no humor by watching all the content Colbert and Oliver have to provide, because doomscrolling can be hazardous to your mental health (even though i needed to know from the news as to when to uproot and flee the country when the US turns into a fascist police state).

[@kirara2516]

"Slather yourself with honey and let the fire ants have at you." What a beautifully poetic way to describe something so brutal and yet so deserving. Massive respect.

[@pipermccool]

That’s one image of him I can live - *Nope.* Not even that one.

[@derekstein6193]

​@@pipermccoolWell, you tried your best, and that is what counts.

[@charlieb1613]

I’d pay to see that! Maybe we could put it up on Monday Night Raw! “Night of the creepy flesh!” See flesh stripped to the bones. The old bag of bones would crumble too pieces.

[@sharonblubaugh9305]

I love this! Absolute perfection

[@dracoargentum9783]

All he needs is the anti-clenching funnel.

[@patriciasheldon6273]

Oh my, feels good to laugh again. Thank you writers and of course Stephens excellent delivery.

[@scottbell1414]

As an Ohioan, I'll take every opportunity to boo Jim Jordan

[@philipethier9136]

I believe there are Members who spell that Gym Jordan.

[@Rugelacharugula]

@@philipethier9136 I do.

[@Rugelacharugula]

Don’t blame you. Remember to vote to protect abortion access in November!

[@stevejordan7275]

As a *Jordan,* I'll take every opportunity to boo Jim Jordan. Boo! BOO! *BOOOOOO!!!* And I was a Republican until the Escalator Ride of Doom. What can I say, other than, "sorry!"

[@m.anneblack2908]

Jim Jordan 🥴🤢🤮

[@johnjurmu5669]

I recall he said something along the lines, I'm not going to cut a deal with the Democrats, I don't need their help.

[@IdaBrown]

He definitely did... sooooooo

[@pisto30]

And THEN asked them for help to save his worthless self. It is to laugh.

[@johnjurmu5669]

@@IdaBrown ……..so don’t complain when they don’t bail you out.

[@maryannchaisson6742]

Great to have you back Stephen!! 🇨🇦👏👏💐🇨🇦

[@saturn.3380]

Is there any reason why only the Secret Service agents are the ones getting bitten by the dog? They are not the only staff in the White House and Its a little odd.

[@jennaxoxox4821]

Very weird. I figure the ones being bitten are trumpy leftovers.

[@flurglhinge3051]

They're the only ones complaining about it. Does throw the whole "fearless heroes willing to take a bullet for the president" thing into question.

[@marciamcdevitt964]

I have the same question. Normally, I’d say a dog that has bitten people 11 times (!) needs to not be allowed around people, but has he been aggressive with ANYONE besides the secret service??

[@lynnettereede6887]

In dog years, Commander committed half the crimes trump did. Why can't they just put a muzzle on trump and the dog.

[@recole374]

Because a dog knows when a person is no good.

[@randyragsdale23]

Matt Gaetz said yesterday that he's the only Republican in Congress that doesn't take money from lobbyists. As far as I'm concerned, he's lying.

[@denillefleming2942]

He was tweeting for money during the vote. Of course he's lying.

[@stanbyme7874]

His rich daddy pays to erase his DUI, pay off teen girls…

[@flurglhinge3051]

I'm not sure "even lobbyists don't want anything to do with me" is the flex he thinks it is

[@trickmuffinful]

​@denillefleming2942 he was tweeting for money because he relies on small donors (ordinary people) for his fundraising and not PAC money, large donor money, lobbyist money. You can hate the guy. I don't really care, but he isn't bought and paid for like everybody else in Congress.

[@AskMia411]

@@flurglhinge3051🤣🤣🤣 “We’re not gonna bribe this one, he’ll get us caught because he’s an idiot who can’t keep his mouth shut!!!”

[@philrussellg6183]

I have always wondered how some of these politicians are able to look their children in the eyes.

[@diananunez7]

I literally draw a breath of intoxicating joy and let out a sigh of serene relief (and satisfying laughter) as I see and hear Stephen Colbert deliver his opening monologue (thank you to all the brilliant writers...you deserve everthing and more!). ❤

[@mariegeorge8865]

❤❤

[@1Kent]

It isn't our circus, he wasn't our backstabbing clown 🤡 why would we save him?

[@kardondo]

Because this move allows the sedition caucus led by Gaetz to place their goons as the speaker of the house.

[@garfield2439]

So you think the next will be any better?

[@seanstravelsandvlogs6233]

​@@garfield2439The Democrats will just say: "He's the Republican Speaker, not ours."

[@skullsparkjoker9942]

Sure but do you think Hakeem Jeffries or Biden will get that 20 Billion Ukraine Bill passed Now that they sided with their New MAGA f-nut friends

[@robertt9342]

@@garfield2439. You are providing a reason why the democrats MIGHT not vote against him, but you are not providing a reason why they SHOULD vote for him.

[@backpacker3421]

Just want to say this: To punish Kevin McCarthy for siding with Democrats, those eight Republicans SIDED WITH DEMOCRATS to vote him out.

[@mkvv5687]

+1 Insightful

[@Rugelacharugula]

And now they want to BLAME said Democrats. As though they would’ve expected 8 GOP to bail out Pelosi if the tables were turned.

[@lauraschwed1545]

Except Democrats did not call for Kevin to be ousted. It was all republicans. Democrats just did not vote to same him. McCarthy did this to himself. He put a stupid rule in place and now he is crying about it.

[@safaiaryu12]

Exactly!!! I do NOT understand why Republican voters refuse to see the hypocrisy!!!

[@lisagulick4144]

Ikr? Only thing I'm worried about now is who the Crazy Town Crew will replace him with.

[@babbamungulilyandme5390]

Wait, are we surprised that professional paid liars didn’t actually keep their own words?!😂😂

[@dgrant7291]

Surprised? Hardly ....but REALLY enjoying the public ridicule and how the libs are TOTALLY owning them! mmmm so good yea

[@catalinacurio]

Only real men take responsibility, what does that say about Kevin…

[@tin-n-tan]

​@@bobisbob646wot?

[@susanfanning9480]

And a large number of ther politicians.

[@kazuma7232]

​@@bobisbob646Not all of them are like that, bro.😂

[@dennisrideout5459]

What's that say about biden?

[@NuiYabuko]

@@dennisrideout5459 That you're a low effort troll.

[@wayneriley7367]

So if Gaetz is asking for campaign contributions and they think it’s disgusting then censure him!

[@kiriuxeosa8716]

Nah too much work just let him do what he wants

[@Kats_Tea_Time]

"make sure to take your meds" was a great and unexpectedly line 🤣

[@FourLightsOfficial]

Bought to you by Phytszar

[@smileeysface]

From someone who seems to need to take some meds, too, just made it better.

[@TMendocino]

"I blame the Democrats, that I threw under the bus after they saved my ass to keep the Gov from shutting down", Kevin McCarthy

[@Carewolf]

Well obviously it was democrats responsibility to keep the government running, they are the responsible party, so he was doing them a favor... Sigh..

[@skullsparkjoker9942]

Sure but do you think Hakeem Jeffries or Biden will get that 20 Billion Ukraine Bill passed Now that they sided with their New MAGA f-nut friends

[@Yanni75]

@@Carewolf You're right. But only in the sense that Republicans are the _irresponsible_ party (who were threatening with government shutdown in the 1st place).

[@Njeanous]

I am so glad The Late Show with Stephen Colbert is back. His take on the Facts lets me laugh instead of crying about the Threat Donald Trump is to our National Security.

[@KatySueWho]

I feel like I haven’t really laughed for 5 months. _😂 _*_I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU ALL THAT YOU COULD COME TO REASONABLE TERMS!!! YOU ALL ABSOLUTELY DESERVE IT!!!_*_ 💙_

[@GreatPlanet-n7n]

watched this and still no laughs

[@KatySueWho]

@@GreatPlanet-n7n😟how sad! Well, maybe you forgot your meds?💊😉 Or maybe this type of comedy isn’t really your favorite thing. But I hope you find other things that make you laugh. I really struggle with depression and I’m only realizing today just how lifting it can feel to really laugh. So, again, I hope you find something that makes you laugh, at least for the endorphins, if nothing else. 😁

[@elisaa9981]

​@@GreatPlanet-n7nToo bad for you. I had a blast!

[@sebastianschottenheimer561]

You enjoy artificial audience laughs enduced by producers for no real jokes… that makes sense your sense of humor and intelligence is through the roof !

[@elisaa9981]

@sebastianschottenheimer561 Now, I can't argue with you when it comes to my sense of humor since that is completely subjective. But when it comes to intelligence, let's say that you might be wrong or you or you might be right. I keep that information to myself, and you don't know me. One thing is clear, though, and that is that you deliberately choose to be mean.

[@mikeoxbig7931]

The party of “personal responsibility” is too cowardice to take personal responsibility.

[@intheknow7659]

Id like to know though. Which party takes responsibility for anything?

[@donniesumling8549]

​@@intheknow7659Tupperware party for 300 Alex?

[@intheknow7659]

@@donniesumling8549 If only a party could be as reliable.

[@sonjagay4151]

Too cowardly. Yes, they are.

[@evangelicalsnever-lie9792]

​@@intheknow7659 Which party is the one who goes around claiming to be "The Party of Gawd," claims to be the so-called "Moral Majority" and "Party of Personal Responsibility?" Checkmate. They write checks with their vainglorious mouths, that their holier-than-thou self-righteous asses can't cash 😂

[@nancysmith8626]

I don't know how we stayed sane over the summer without these shows!

[@clairebear1808]

I was just thinking the same thing 😂😂😂

[@jeyonce8901]

We didn't. Well I didn't. 😂

[@suemccord2633]

It was touch and go..😂

[@nancysmith8626]

@@jeyonce8901 Me either!

[@dawnspencer7793]

Or me it was my sanity balance and stress relief 😮❤😊so glad late night comedy is back!

[@dyent]

McCarthy blaming democrats is like a mouse getting caught by a cat and blaming the dogs.

[@ninjabluefyre3815]

Tom: DON'T YOU BELIEVE IT!

[@akgonen60]

lmao

[@nedludd7622]

"...is like..." is a worn out comedy formula which is never informative anymore.

[@huldaliljeblad3611]

Except it was the other mice feasting on his corpse.

[@chonqmonk]

@@nedludd7622 An "...is like..." is called a simile.

[@doogandoggin2571]

1- don't creep around a German Shepard. 2- don't be loud to one. 3- if you secretly harbor animosity towards the president or have a particular fondness for the previous occupant, try harder to hide your feelings. This dog is reacting to something they are doing.

[@leogama3422]

exactly!!!

[@nix2747]

My exact feeling.

[@Knight-Bishop]

The first documented traitor-sniffing dog, perhaps? 😂

[@null_matrix1467]

We have no way of knowing that. Don't makes excuses just because it's Biden's dog.

[@emcanet]

My friend has shepherds. I went to visit her after she moved. The dogs have not seen me in over a year. Apparently when I arrived she noticed a difference. I was the first of her visitors that the dogs didn't bark at. She said I guess they know you are not a threat. Phew! Because they are big dogs. So yeah I am curious what his dog is reacting to.

[@Speakfordemocracy]

Great writers!!! It’s nice to be able to laugh in sooo much chaos!!!

[@MikeJones-xu3xw]

Thank you, Stephen and writers! You make this dumpster fire aka Congress seem a tad more palatable. We missed you! Signed, America

[@OfficialWizzop]

😮😂

[@Rugelacharugula]

No. A dumpster fire of a *GOP.* Pelosi had just as narrow of a majority and shit got DONE.

[@charlotte-m5d]

No we didn’t. He’s a joke.

[@Rugelacharugula]

@@charlotte-m5d thanks for watching!

[@gameburn178]

Congress is great; just a problem with who is getting elected to it.

[@brianabc83]

I heard that trump can't be speaker because of the republican's own rules. Something to do with if a speaker is indicted on a felony with at least a 2 yr sentence he must step aside.

[@evangelicalsnever-lie9792]

They can simply change the rules or ignore then with zero legal repercussion because they are not laws, only Club Rules.

[@dracoargentum9783]

Rules? Rules? We don need no stinky rules!

[@openmike4559]

Do you people really tune into night shows for politics?

[@WaterborneCamper]

@@openmike4559 because crying in the comments section of shows that Trump told you to dislike is such a better use of time... 🤣🐑🤣

[@brianabc83]

@openmike4559 at least the "night shows" spread the news out to a wider electorate vs just a political audience, and in most part is true news unlike fox, oann, etc. which spread republican lies.

[@susanwade4796]

👍😁 I'm so, so, so, happy your back Stephen. Thanks for the levity you bring to difficult subject matter that all Americans are forced to deal with at this time. 🤗 Hugs to ya, & Evie, your sons, & full Late-Night-Crew. I appreciate you.

[@michaelrobertson4896]

“Smother yourself in honey and let the fire ants have at you” I died laughing at that 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@sophieamandaleitontoomey9343]

Kev you were a bad speaker. It was literally the only thing dems and republicans could agree on.

[@TheLordSkeletor]

Anything was better than Pelosi at the end of the day

[@freya8133]

@@TheLordSkeletor Troll!!

[@thetruthfornow6045]

@@TheLordSkeletor Pelosi was a legend in the eyes of normal people.

[@OGdadpool]

​@@thetruthfornow6045especially since normal people typically overuse/misuse the term "legend"

[@1584283]

Absolutely true and hillarious

[@virginiamoss7045]

As for Commander, he's doing exactly what he was bred for. He knows his "family" and he will protect them from strangers, strangers being all the rotating secret service body guards. If the people in charge were to take the time to introduce the dog to the stranger as part of the family before the secret service person gets on duty, this would not be a problem at all. Don't they have competent dog trainers to give advice? It's really just common sense.

[@maryanneslater9675]

I was thinking the same thing. Hand and paw shaking all around and a friendly, "We're on the same duty, Commander" so that the dog knows these people are part of his master's pack. Although, I've also wondered how many of the secret service people who got bitten were secretly MAGA. :)

[@gafls3151]

I also wonder how many of these people secretly taunt the dogs behind people's backs.

[@HRHDMKYT]

I’m thinking these particular Secret Service agents are MAGAs, and the dog can sense they with the President harm…

[@Chris.Pontius]

What the hell. He bit them 11ntines and you are blaming the victims? That dog needs to be removed. And this comes from someone that absolutely loves dogs. He clearly is way too defensive/aggressive. My dog would never act like this.

[@virginiamoss7045]

@@Chris.Pontius Loving dogs does not mean knowing dogs, unfortunately. Where in my post did I blame any victims. I blame the situation the dog has been put in. And if you can't figure out that, you don't know dogs. Slow down and use reading comprehension.

[@syav4467]

I don't blame Biden's dog for not trusting the Secret Service, trump's S.S. aided him in his failed coup. 🤣

[@thomasbraeking6225]

I wonder if that was a left-over Defendant1 loyalist SS poser.

[@haroldbrooks4235]

Exactly

[@Knight-Bishop]

The world's first treason-sniffing dog. 😂

[@gregsonger7221]

You're right. Dogs pick up the vibe people are putting out. If I were Joe I would keep the dog and get rid of the agent.

[@maxdoubt5219]

"Device replacement program" my ass! 😄

[@kevinbetts2720]

If Trump wants “to do what’s best for the country”, he should renounce his citizenship and move to Moscow.

[@katiehettinger7857]

From your lips to God's ears. 😉👍

[@Its-Always-Something54]

I dream of the day when that orange tumor is out of our lives. I truly believed that day had come back in November 2020. But no...I'm exhausted!

[@erhardbaehni1832]

He is waiting for the trump tower to be finished in Moscow build and paid by Russia 😊

[@lenawagenfuehr53]

Poor Russians

[@Hirnlego999]

I'm for separation of Trump and planet

[@napoleonibonaparte7198]

Secret Service agents: "I fear no man... but that..." "It terrifies me."

[@AnakinIHateSandSkywalker]

*McCarthy* be like *Why didn’t the people I betray help me when the people I trusted betrayed me ?*

[@VladimirPutin-p3t]

Or... Why didn't the Democrats save me after I went on all the Sunday news shown and talked sh!t on them??

[@sprybug]

Oh no, the leopards that eat faces party ate my face! Who could have seen it?!

[@Knight-Bishop]

"All right all right, which Democrat took a shit in the pants I'm currently wearing?!"

[@OlEgSaS32]

Because McCarthy wont learn his lesson otherwise 🤣

[@ekdaufin1485]

😂

[@mysam4504]

I've missed Stephen so much I don't mind watching the reupload. 😎

[@T.T.M.60]

Oh, how I’ve missed you, Mr. Colbert!, it is SO good to have you back.

[@sesileeshaffer-w6t]

Stepen Cobert is the only reason I am voting Trump for 2024

[@freedomfinder5196]

What are those secret service folks doing to the dog when no one sees?

[@1MrAngel1]

If a k-9 attacks a civiliion, it's BACK THE BLUE.

[@dianacanales2526]

Ah! Good question! Possibly trying to deliberately get rid of Joe's very loyal & protective dog...??? Then crying to the press to make a big stink? If they're holdovers from the previous administration, I wouldn't doubt it.

[@thephilster6860]

The agents are probably snorting cocaine.

[@spicytomango]

Trump probably thinks being the Speaker means he can speak all he wants without consequences

[@sfurules]

I mean....would e be wrong based on the evidence we have?

[@intheknow7659]

Actually, he is protected. Thing is, he is in your head, that is even better.

[@judithmura495]

That's a repulsive thought because he suffers from diarrhea of the brain/mouth connection

[@Danin4985]

🤣

[@unvergebeneid]

True, although he already seems to think that.

[@Nancy-tr5fi]

Glad you're back Stephen. we need you,this Congress has been unimaginably bizarre. So relieved listening to you and laughing!

[@mikeoxbig7931]

Republicans are either too busy getting indicted or tearing into each other. I love it 😆

[@RocafellaPlaza]

While Democrats are either too busy handing out false indictments for political purposes or pushing a gender/race agenda. I love it 😂

[@richardmaclean7581]

Typical Republicans… They save the fetus, nine months later, they toss the baby out with the bathwater.

[@themysterysith]

@@sebastianschottenheimer561 bro did you forget the party’s switched 🤣

[@Geoffreydarcy-pv4mq]

The party's at the Funhouse.

[@petera1117]

@@sebastianschottenheimer561 current front runner of a party has 91 charges against him. Wanna talk about 200+ years ago or today? Take off the 1776 hat and bring up relevant points.

[@dad102]

"Then slather yourself in honey and let the fire ants have at you." Kudos to the writer who came up with that.

[@subpilot1000]

Thank God for Stephen Colbert and his writers who, if laughter is the best medicine add years to my life!😂❤

[@jesujuwonkuye9941]

Great feeling to see Stephen Colbert back in full strength

[@TimeTheory2099]

Now Kevin and Joe McCarthy can share a footnote in history as two of the biggest boneheads in national history.

[@MRB16th]

I've called Kevin "California Joe" for a while.

[@MonkeyJedi99]

And Charlie is STILL the smartest McCarthy.

[@dismurrart6648]

That last name is just a curse if you crave power

[@barbaralamprecht5784]

It was so so good to laugh because it's been hell without you and your colleagues. The show shone tonight because of all the writers supporting you. Desperately needed. Thank you for the honey and fire ants. Me, I pray for the cumulative impact of McDee fare.

[@tabaxikhajit4541]

"Slather yourself in honey and let the fire ants have at you." This is why we needed the writer's strike to end. I have been emotionally unable to face the world without them. They can be so brutal that I wonder why I like them, but then a writer's strike happens, and I have to face the world without humor. No can do.

[@severance1961]

Seeing the show for the first time after a five month hiatus Stephen Colbert is once again on top of his game. Kudos 👌

[@randallmaes609]

Does anyone know why Stephen started using tRUMP'S name again?

[@gustavofigueiredo1798]

@@randallmaes609 I noticed it, and wondered about it too... Maybe they just got tired of coming up with new acronyms, or/and don't wan't to rely/promote Xwitter to get people's suggestions through the "#HeWhoShallNotBeNamed".

[@tvmonte]

@@randallmaes609 I'm thinking the five months off gave him the chance to not be so angry about him anymore especially since The Donald was once again making asinine comments about windmills and decided he wanted to really make fun of him again by also once again imitating his unique voice!

[@starrdust13]

What a way to celebrate National Kevin Day 😂😂

[@janetbeebe6578]

It's fun to watch the Republicans feed on each other like a bunch of vampires at the Halloween Buffet.😂😂

[@AbidingDude420]

Where's Buffy when we need her?

[@raymondtorres-gy8uj]

More like a bunch of bat-shit-crazy vampires inside a blood bank 🩸fighting with some blood 🩸thirsty leaches from HELL 🩸🩸😂😂 It's just a beautyful sight!! 😂😂

[@panoruryu]

Oh come now, people actually like vampires!

[@allenlovell1604]

No, I liken their behavior more to a " shark 😤 feeding frenzy ! " Of course, we'll soon see how long his successor will last !

[@hawkeye5955]

​@@panoruryu: Except the ones from Twilight. Nobody likes those.

[@elenadirectorofmiiss7942]

You know at this point... I trust the dog more than the Secret Service after they hid texts and emails from January 6th.

[@laurabogojevich9378]

“Why don’t you slather yourself in honey and let the fire ants have at you?” Psssst, Stephen, you said the quiet part out loud

[@ClancyNacht]

I trust the dogs. Something shady going on with those agents.

[@sarcasmo57]

Nailed it Steve. Good to have you back.

[@maryhannah4462]

Welcome back, writers. I really missed you. And Stephen....

[@itsjustme8947]

I've 'owned' German Shepherds for 50 years and I have NEVER seen one bite unless something was seriously wrong with that person. I'd trust Commander's instincts on this! These good boys and girls are perhaps the best and brightest of all dog breeds.

[@13699111]

I agree with your comment a hundred percent

[@itsjustme8947]

@@13699111 Ah, a fellow GSD admirer?

[@charlotte-m5d]

That makes you stupid as they are considered dogs that can’t be rehabbed.

[@veryberry39]

My neighbor, when I was around 19, had a young GSD. That dog attacked almost everyone who wasn't the owner, and completely randomly. I remember her and my mom being outside on our deck one evening, and I went to the back door to ask her a question. That dog snarled and LUNGED at me. If I hadn't gotten the door shut in time, I'd have been seriously injured. Even after the door was shut, he threw himself repeatedly at the glass, snarling the whole time. He finally had to be put down when he did the same thing to his veterinarian. It wasn't until I became a groomer and learned all the GSDs were scared of their own shadows that I stopped being nervous around them. Still, even I'd be the first to admit the violence isn't a breed thing. Just like people, there are bad ones in every bunch.

[@itsjustme8947]

@@veryberry39 Sounds like your neighbor had a puppy-mill GSD. Inbred to the nth in order to make a buck. 50 years of these dogs, I'm currently on #32 & #33 and not once have I EVER seen the behavior you're describing. Groomer? So, you were exposed to them at their 'drama queen' pinnacle. Answer: snacks and baby talk. Even military & police trained attack lines won't go snappy without command and the INSTANT they are released from 'work mode'? Back to 'doofus mode'.

[@JokesInBase13]

If an otherwise well-trained, good-tempered dog is getting defensive against very specific people, I'd be very worried about what those people are hiding. Think twice before you trust someone who a dog doesn't.

[@spicyirwin5835]

Imagine all the land sharks Commander has to protect the Bidens of?💜🐾💜

[@pauldacus4590]

Gaetz: McCarthy is the worst speaker ever Jim Jordan: Hold my beer

[@dagordon1041]

Good one.

[@elizabethhart4164]

NOT BEER........ HOLD THIS VERY YOUNG GURLS HAND & HOLD THA COCAINE!!!!!!!

[@andrewgrimshaw1606]

That monologue was genius the booing thing had me in stitches 😂

[@NatashaBehrends]

This is the only way I get the news without wanting to throw my phone out the window!

[@nagmastergeneral55]

I would trust Biden's dog over his Secret Service without fail.

[@flurglhinge3051]

Well one of them has demonstrated a tireless dedication to the president's safety and the other is full of people who keep running to the press every time they get scared by a dog. Let's hope America's enemies don't acquire self-guiding German Shepherd technology

[@nix2747]

I suspect that dog is an excellent judge of character and knows exactly who is untrustworthy. Let him keep weeding out the bad ones.

[@Mondfischli]

​@@nix2747... hope you're right and he's not just taking on the cat lovers 😂

[@nix2747]

@@Mondfischli Eeep! I hadn't thought about that. But no, Commander is a good boy. He knows how to pick the right ones.

[@Simon-hb9rf]

he only bites the secret service agents that supported trumps coup.

[@tommanning3766]

Clearly, the DC-R crowd did not anticipate the return of this show.

[@tigersforever4577]

Dogs can sniff out betrayal, and how many of those agents were complicit in Jan 6, I wonder? Commander doesn't trust these agents, and I bet his instincts are correct.

[@solarbirdyz]

It's endlessly delightful seeing Republicans use Republican tactics and strategy against Republicans and seeing all the other Republicans getting mad about it.

[@bsmith5304]

Exactly 💯 😂😂😂

[@debbievoss3496]

I like that, endlessly delightful.

[@Rockstar69000]

It’s delightful to watch democrats lie about Trump, Russian hackers and men can have babies

[@safaiaryu12]

And then saying the Democrats did it...

[@hi55us2]

So happy to have Colbert back a part of my morning routine!

[@sharonpatterson2938]

We apologize for Garret Graves. We've tried many times to unseat him, but... gerrymandering.

[@dracoargentum9783]

I would laugh if it later turns out everyone Commander had bitten was actually part of the effort to “loose” the missing 6 hours.

[@dracoargentum9783]

Even more-so; I’d further laugh if the REASON Commander KNOWS which Service Agents were compromised during the communication scandal because those individual agents are still smelling like His Loser, because they are still in physical contact with Him, to coordinate.

[@PatriciaOConnorBonsaiBalcony]

Never met the secret service person or Commander, But if a Dog say's that your a Dick Then your a Dick.

[@kingace6186]

Biden's dogs not trusting the Secret Service agents because of their solemn faces is the funniest thing I have heard all day.

[@anondecepticon]

They just want to be told they’re the goodest boys.

[@kwatson4394]

Commander is biting the MAGA agents. #DogsAreSmarter

[@jbarnes705]

What the Secret Service needs to do to keep Commander from biting them is have some Dog Treats ready to give him, and he will start to like them. It doesn't have to be a continuous thing, just a start to get him to like them.

[@michaelccozens]

True, but the problem is that an Agent giving treats to a dog isn't standing watch. And while that's generally good advice, it's not universal, especially with a dog with pre-existing behavioural issues, which Commander seems to have. Frankly, it's really silly of Biden not to have hired a trainer/handler to deal with Commander long before now, both as a pet-carer and as a politician. It's irresponsible and makes him look out-of-touch and lazy.

[@dietotaku]

@@michaelccozens or, option C, major and commander are doing their jobs protecting biden from insurrectionist sympathizers.

[@Brea95]

Dogs bite because vibes people give off. Secret service has shown they’re not trustworthy

[@jbarnes705]

It's the only way to change the behavior.

[@virginiabarton1056]

What the heck?…Take that poor dog to Delaware! He’s obviously not handling life in the White House!

[@LisaHumble]

It's so good to see you again, Steven! MAYBE the world won't blow up now that you're back!

[@freya8133]

I looked up "National Kevin Day"....its REAL!! Get outta here!!

[@PearlsAnneHeels]

Stephen, you haven’t missed a beat 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@adamfanalways]

So happy your back, along with all the late night monologues!!!🙌

[@Saeryfim]

Commander is just doing his job defending the President.

[@dennisrideout5459]

So stupid

[@IliyaMoroumetz]

Commander says, 'ACAB'

[@Knight-Bishop]

How much do you wanna bet the ones he's biting are Trump loyalists that hate having to be on Biden's security detail? 😂

[@USUG0]

Cocaine Commander keeps finding Don Jr's stash everywhere around the WH

[@garfield2439]

​@@Knight-Bishopyou know that's what I think. I wish they wouldn't have him around all of them because he will end up getting put to sleep for doing his job

[@FourLightsOfficial]

6:08 WOW Stephen is so charismatic! I can't believe he got the crowd to boo cutting off big lobby and special interests funding! Bravo 👏

[@winesap2]

Turd in a hot tub is the best description of Trump.

[@sues6847]

Great to have you all back! So happy for the writers and grateful to the rest who supported them during the strike.

[@heidinova6883]

Keep the dog. Fire that agent. He doesn't know German Shepherd behavior. They are protective and they do bark when they are concerned but they are highly intelligent. I grew up with them. I love this segment and was rolling the whole time. So glad to have Stephen and the late night writers back!!

[@allenedwards2940]

Wow, even the convicted pedophile Dennis Hastert didn't get fired. Kevin out there making all kinds of history.🤣🤣😂😂

[@Knight-Bishop]

Well, it was probably because the party leaders knew it already and held it over him the entire time so he'd do exactly what they wanted. Oh and because, you know, they don't care when their own guys do it.

[@Mi_Pi]

Excellent Stephen! I watch your show here as I start my day, to do so informed and with a laugh.

[@lisbethbird8268]

Band breaks into Zappa riff so casually...God I love this show....

[@karenlindstrom516]

Oh Stephen, I missed you so. Glad to have you back.❤🎉

[@cherylb6755]

“Well then, slather yourself with honey and let the fire ants have at you.” Brilliant! 👏🏻⚖️🇺🇸

[@soapaddict09]

I have said the ultimate revenge would be if Cheney came back as speaker and gave all those who booted her out the bird.

[@jalabi99]

8:15 The way Mr. McHenry slammed that gavel down you'd think it owed him money or something 🤣

[@lloydmckay3241]

He's some kind of garden gnome isn't he. That bow tie along with the rest is rather comical. And of course his cute name.

[@carolynbradford7415]

😂😂😂😂R.I.P KEVIN 2023-2023

[@RogueShadows]

In fairness, “it’s wine o’clock somewhere” would _absolutely_ be something Churchill would have said, or at least agreed to, while on his fifth glass that morning.

[@jeffnaslund]

To paraphrase Bill Murray, I don’t always trust a dog, but I trust when a dog doesn’t like a person. Anyone who has ever had a dog will understand

[@JustJanitor]

I've had dogs act both ways towards me. it's less the individual and more the dog.

[@freya8133]

@@JustJanitor No, it isn't.

[@dennisrideout5459]

A dog that has bitten 11 times is the problem

[@rabidrabids5348]

You're right, dogs are magical beings that can see into the hearts of everyone they encounter.

[@arnezbridges93]

​@@rabidrabids5348no,but they CAN hear your heartbeat and ill intent and sense medical issues you might not even be aware of.

[@katechurcher4830]

That poor dog. He needs to be in a different situation