Conan’s Staffer Explains How To React To Bear Attacks | Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend

The National Park Service has guidelines for brown bears, black bears, and polar bears, but Conan wonders how he should react to a koala bear.
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ABOUT CONAN O’BRIEN NEEDS A FRIEND
Deeper, unboundedly playful, and free from FCC regulations, Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend is a weekly opportunity for Conan to hang out with the people he enjoys most and perhaps find some real friendship along the way. Watch highlights of Conan, Sona Movsesian and Matt Gourley chatting with celebrities and meeting fans, along with special segments like “Review the Reviewers” and “Big Dick History.”
ABOUT TEAM COCO
Team Coco is the KZbin home for all things Conan O’Brien and the Team Coco Podcast Network. Team Coco features over 25 years of comedy sketches, celebrity interviews and stand-up comedy sets from CONAN on TBS and Late Night with Conan O’Brien, as well as exclusive videos from podcasts like Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend,
Literally! with Rob Lowe, Why Won’t You Date Me? with Nicole Byer, The Three Questions with Andy Richter, May I Elaborate? with JB Smoove and Scam Goddess with Laci Mosley.
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[@oskari9432]

Matt’s such an excellent facilitator in conan’s bits. Just out of one word from him conan goes off

[@burnacco]

fr fr

[@florete2310]

I like the fact that Matt saw right through that devious bear scheme. These little rapscallions😂

[@losdagodg3625]

Was thinking the same thing

[@WuntaykTimmy1]

He's made his bones in podcasting

[@ThatsOnYoutube]

I blast Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend podcasts when I hike. No bear attacks, but a lot of jealous Kevin Nealon attacks.

[@austinado16]

😉lol... I see what you did there!

[@ThatsOnYoutube]

@@AstroBear11 Mediocre Witt is my favorite country music star!

[@rickyd-lux9067]

You mean Jay Leno, who also takes over the campsite that was reserved for Conan.

[@florete2310]

Was he following you around, slurping a giant drink through a straw??

[@christophertownsend3820]

If Conan is walking in the woods it is with or because of Kevin lmao

[@fletchermunson6225]

You are supposed to carry bear spray and wear bells for bear protection. You can tell the difference in black bear scat and Grizzly scat because the black bear scat has nuts and berries in it and the Grizzly scat has bear spray and bells in it.

[@scottmccutcheon2668]

This is good. Yes.

[@AineConaghan-b6w]

😂

[@fletchermunson6225]

@@AineConaghan-b6w You might be Irish. I have a neighbor from Ireland and her name is also spelled Aine.

[@clickster1883]

😂🤣😂

[@definitelyeric]

If you encounter a polar bear you can also distract them by talking about the amazing safety records of Canadian nuclear energy.

[@alex0589]

if it's polar, go nucleor

[@monsterhog1118]

Just remember the cute Coke commercials

[@10Adarsh]

You meant, “NuCular”.

[@TheRedGameboy]

I thought you were supposed to offer it a glass bottle of Coca Cola.

[@Mr2greys]

@@monsterhog1118 Ever notice there are no penguins in the north where all the polar bears are? There is no coincidence

[@Potaters12]

Matt's "and that was a polar bear" was so god damn quick!

[@laffingist218]

from the expert advice I've seen, it's important to note that "attacks" means "is physically touching you, actively engaged". so if you see a brown bear 50 yards away running at you then standing and snapping, you are not yet being attacked and there's separate advice for 1) communicating you are not prey and 2) slowly getting away without triggering an attack. if a brown bear just looks at you, do not immediately play dead (is my understanding but may be wrong).

[@wyskass861]

Yea, this rhyme is just a simplification to remember basic guidance.

[@quinncampbell9255]

Lmao the end is the best part. Conan kept that spread your legs fact.

[@Vunderbread]

Gorley was on FIRE this segment. I think he’s gleaning some of Conan’s comedic talent through osmosis

[@jouhanneus]

Polar bears are the only bears known to hunt humans, if I’m not mistaken. I remember watching a BBC documentary where the team was confused over the bear’s behaviour. Then it dawned on them that the bear was hunting the cameraman, trying to get an angle on him.

[@noelramirez1551]

Yea thats true polar bears and i think salt water crocodiles are the some of them also tigers

[@janitor2big4u]

If it's polar, go solar ✓

[@grumpyoldman8293]

You can tell grizzly scat because it is full of bells and smells like pepper spray. By the way, koalas have chlamydia not gonorrhea

[@a.i.1823]

I love Bley's expressions as Eduardo reads, lolll

[@siddshrestha]

why do I feel like this video was sponsored by Grizzly Bear?

[@BrickTamlandOfficial]

If it's polar, go solar. Show the polar bear your new electric camper van with built in solar panels. He will say "nice" and back off.

[@VirtualLunacy]

I often find myself wandering around the wilderness with pots and pans in hand ;)

[@lonobird4711]

Watch "The Revenant" With Leo DiCaprio. You make think twice about camping in Brown Bear country.

[@cleverusername9369]

That scene is BRUTAL

[@cleverusername9369]

I was living in Colorado when I saw that and that scene plus weed plus hiking in the Rockies equaled an emotion I call "bearanoia"

[@lonobird4711]

Hilarious man!!@@cleverusername9369

[@duh_ds6115]

If its polar go solar😂 conan is hilarious

[@ilana430]

This segment was hilarious!😂

[@clickster1883]

They taught us at the Air Force survival school the way to tell the difference between a black bear and a brown (Grizzly) bear is to sneak up behind it, kick it in the ass, then quickly scramble to the top of the nearest tree. If the bear climbs the tree and eats you, it’s a black bear. If it knocks the tree over and eats you, it’s a Grizzly bear. #TheMoreYouKnow 🌈⭐️

[@saintsgambit]

Sounded like Bearcat Goldthwait.

[@houstonhall1851]

In Churchill Manitoba, polar bear capital of the world, everyone leaves their doors unlocked in the event someone is stranded near a polar bear

[@mitchelkvedar674]

"If it's polar, go solar" pretty good slogan ngl. They are indeed running out of ice :/

[@cb1784]

I’d just like to assert a couple facts about Koalas (as is my duty as an Australian). They are not bears. They are in fact not even mammals (they are marsupials). Also you guys appear to have been confusing Gonorrhoea with Chlamydia (which is an issue for the koala population). Thankyou for your time.

[@markalexandermaron5531]

This bear attack bit is definitely a conan podcast highlight next to kevin nealon crying

[@bobhiggins4276]

Bear with me: f it's a Koala, just holla; it its a panda, use slanda, if it's a sun, make fun ... womp womp

[@Uatu-the-Watcher]

The gravy note joke sounded like a Gary Larson cartoon. :-)

[@Dave_Friedel]

I listened to Conan about bear attacks and now I have been eaten by a bear. THANKS CONAN!

[@BenMifsudJoslin]

"If gonnohear, stear clear"

[@latinbeandip]

I think the brown bear protocol has been changed to if it attacks u poke its eyes and hit it in the nose

[@golach420]

Between the 3 of them they have one conscience. 😂

[@tubhair]

Conan, you’re the funniest man on the planet

[@jeremiahblum7833]

Here's a dumb joke from my childhood: How do you catch a polar bear? Cut a big hole in the ice, and the put a ring of peas around the hole. When a polar bear comes to take a pea(pee), push him in the hole! I thought this was hilarious when I was 7

[@jslee4613]

I know it's weird to request but I really want to see Conan doing ASMR video. it will help my journey to sleep a lot.

[@pb_and_nutella]

They need to do this year’s summer smores in bear country

[@salforever1174]

Jim Gaffigan has a similar joke about who says what to do when you see a bear. “Lay down on the ground. Don’t fight back. Don’t run away from us…..I mean the bears….”

[@ItsSkepticTank]

Omg...Jen is working for the bears!

[@themillennialfailure]

Koalas aren't bears, they're marsupials. This is the correction soapbox I've been standing on since I did a presentation on them in the third grade.

[@sritejcanchi]

"If it's polar, go solar" lol

[@lincolnsand5127]

Koalas have Chlamydia, not Gonorrhea. The NY Post is going to have to revoke Matt's creds as a scientist lol

[@DirtyFrigginHarry]

I stick by the rhyme "Stay strapped or get clapped"

[@sunkenpath9060]

I have heard that you pee on the bears. Then, at least, you can leave this world having peed on a bear.

[@daddyoldschool8294]

Now they need to make a THIRD video apologizing to Jim Gaffigan

[@gold707786]

I was walking down a path at my cabin and a baby black bear poked its head around the corner of a small shed. Stopped me in my tracks. Turned around and ran to my car 20 ft away and jumped in. It will scare the crap out of you. Flight or flight kicks in and flight is the first option of choice instinctively. Standing and walking back slowly is not but that is what is advised in the safety book. I did not have bear spray or a weapon.

[@florete2310]

🤔📝"Go after the bear"... Got it👍

[@PhilMachi]

I just offer polar bears an ice-cold Coca-Cola and it seems to do the trick.

[@notay]

Well now it feels like we're just profiling.

[@blueboy4244]

this is why it is sage advice to always hike with two other people - one of which you are faster than

[@QuantumBraced]

This is why I'm getting solar panels, in case polar bears attack California, they'll know I'm on their side.

[@monsterhog1118]

Lookout for Dropbears

[@paulsmith9192]

Wanna survive a bear attack,don't go to the woods

[@macystevenson3100]

Is it me or does that color shirt go very well w/Conans hair/skin tone. You might need to explore those lighter tones babe

[@scottmacdonald7409]

That bear attack is Norms bit…

[@SynthiaVan]

Sloths have been going green for years.

[@GeneLeeRollins]

Book recommendation .... Bear Attacks: Their Causes and Avoidance by Stephen Herrero

[@josephracine4415]

Listen to the podcast “tooth and Claw” actual wilderness biologist that know his stuff.

[@neilcrowesongs9768]

Koalas are marsupials not bears

[@steppenhenge]

if you encounter a polar bear somewhere that you weren't required to have a rifle with you, quit breaking into zoos

[@maestromazmorra9597]

That was nearly a word-for-word copy of Jim Gaffigan's joke about bear attacks. Word-for-word, with no credit or reference to Jim.

[@ludovictrottier425]

Is it just me or the bear sounds like Yoda

[@DV8340]

Thank you for “Bears: Part Duex” 😂 take notes kids, accountability.

[@pranavn8260]

Black-attack, Brown-lay down, White-goodnight. Bears are just like humans 😂😂😂

[@roberthevern6169]

I bearly understand this!

[@SerjTerrible]

“Black attack, I stand by that” boy that quote sounds bad without context

[@jamesawwyea]

Now how do I find out which bear it is?

[@ljevarster]

This segment is basically "Do not sue us after a bear kills you"

[@randyastle3301]

If it’s a panda give it a handa. If it’s a sloth fake a cough. If it’s spectacled….??

[@ScandinavianCoward]

How about calling Werner Herzog?

[@davidhurtado2725]

How on earth don't they know about Black fight back, brown lay down, white night night?

[@dreamz701]

Explain those Russian videos of people just straight up chilling with grizzly bears lol

[@florete2310]

Short answer: Vodka. Lots and lots of vodka. On both sides. Mostly the cameras went out of juice the moment both parties came to their senses and things went south preeetty fast from thereon out... nothing nastier than a hangoverish grizzly

[@pretzelhunt]

No, none of these rhymes are useful, especially since black bears can look brownish, and grizzly can look darker or appear at night. Even hunters have issues with shooting incorrect species. Adding polar bears in is even less important cuz no one would be anywhere near polar bear territory without understanding the necessity for constant-carry firearms and boundary fences.

[@scottmacdonald7409]

I’m sorry it was Gaffigan

[@mariarahelvarnhagen2729]

read to the bear from a book

[@mariarahelvarnhagen2729]

bears are suckers for bedtime stories

[@thedannydarko]

I've always heard "black, fight back" which would not have generated this ridiculousness. So I am glad she said attack instead.

[@djmizzou3030]

Classic 😂😢❤

[@bubblesezblonde]

brooks falls Bearcams

[@tic5224]

Why does the bear sound like bobcat goldthwait

[@Alboalt]

That staffer has a case of uptalk?

[@treborretsnom6186]

Fresh bear attack in the News today, she lived !!! Call her

[@davidbright6790]

Chlamydia! Koalas have Chlamydia, not gonorrhoea.

[@backaddict673]

Instructions unclear. I'm now engaged to a Brown Bear.

[@dgs.creates]

They should've mentioned that the spreading of the legs may cause mixed results.

[@paultumaliuan9087]

Congratulations on your engagement.

[@ludocrious7898]

congrats to the little bears too!

[@samwilson6316]

The Grand cubs are so cute. They take after you @backaddict673

[@josephgabriel2336]

🤣😂🤣

[@NoViews1975]

"Definitely don't lay down and spread your legs" was so damn quick.

[@bogwitchsophie]

"There was talk of Bears..."

[@scottmccutcheon2668]

Yup.

[@shoocharu]

What if you're in an underground night club and run into a bear?? What then, Mr. O'Brien??!

[@fooglefuss]

not sure, but you could animate it

[@Mat0s-316]

Conan would respond with his best dance moves, which prompts the bear to flee from 2nd hand embarrassment.

[@jaxjaggywires]

If in a club, fight the cub?

[@mr.personhumanson6871]

you stand your ground, be fierce, and vogue the hell out of that bear

[@sheilaf1946]

I say buy it a drink

[@cleverusername9369]

3:09 Sona's face at Conan's "you've dropped your twins many times" SCREAMS to me that she almost said "you're not wrong" 😂

[@dgs.creates]

She definitely has. I was thinking that instantly with that face. Lol

[@Hyro-i8o]

Sonas been dropped, to be fair.

[@KevinCook-y4p]

They’re very wiggly boys, too, tbf. Famously.

[@emilong]

Once again impressed by Matt's improv skills

[@emmy-8537]

He’s so quick

[@弘睿甫]

7:41 "and that was a polar bear"

[@willgerretsen8665]

The whole point of the rhyme is how to face different bears, and 2/3 of the advice is just “welp, good luck” 😂

[@ThrillaWhale]

And tbh… that sounds about right as far as bear attacks go.

[@GinkoNori]

I mean... It's a bear

[@gibiati8295]

They also keep messing up the rhyme. There is no “if it’s black. Attack. “ it’s “if it’s black. Fight back” the line has never been “attack”

[@ChrisAlders-eh7cq]

As a Canadian I can tell you that if a polar bear attacks you your life is over.

[@TrueDragonnutz13]

This is already one of the funniest segments you guys have ever done. Conan & Matt just hitting home runs.

[@maestromazmorra9597]

That was nearly a word-for-word copy of Jim Gaffigan's joke about bear attacks. Word-for-word, with no credit or reference to Jim.

[@DavidJCO]

This is one of the best segments of all time. Bears spreading information online, "If it's polar, go solar", Conan hiring people for a fake funeral, the bear giving a speech. This was brilliant!

[@peterpanimg]

If it's a Koala...

[@brenobacci]

@@peterpanimg ...have some guava. Don't know if it cures the clap, but works pretty well for the rhyme. (damn, just looked up gonorrhea in Google to get a different name for it, and realized this is probably going to be embarrassing, if for some reason my browser history is shown in public).

[@kopeofonrac2084]

Look, bear attacks are no big deal. If attacked by a bear, simply reason with him or her. If that fails, overpower the bear. Finally, make friends with the bear by offering a bear's favorite foods, clover honey and people who are weaker than you. Before you know it, you and your bear will be like old college chums.

[@samuelcarstens6152]

Gods Own Drunk - jimmy buffet. Worked for him.

[@Randyy1]

The grizzly bear funeral bit had me dead 😂

[@sew75962]

Missed ad opportunity. Thanks to Bley being a t mobile customer, Jen was able to be clearly heard and contribute to the podcast via phone call.

[@lonobird4711]

I live in the Smokey Mountain's of Western NC. No shortage of Black Bears. They come into my yard on occasion. I had to take down my bird feeders because they kept taking them down. They, meaning a mom and 5 cubs. They started to get way to comfortable around the house. Tried to get into my hot tube a couple of times for example among other vandal type activity. I keep air horns handy for a good reason. I see bears, I go in the house. They are unpredictable. I don't recommend smearing honey on your face to try to become friends.

[@phillipjackson7338]

Just stay away from areas where bears are known to be

[@Oliphant828]

OK. I'm going to be that guy: Actually koalas are not bears, they are marsupials and they don't have gonorrhea, many (about 50%) of them have chlamydia.

[@jessed9145]

John Olivers koala Chlamydia research center is trying to help!

[@reneadinaro8183]

This is so much better than any interview of any celebrity. Just a group of friends, regular people, riffing about bears. Or gonorrhea. It reminds of the early Howard Stern show

[@jairo8746]

Too late... I saw i black bear and I immediately went FIIIIIIGHT! Because what you said. My lawyer will contact you shortly.

[@chaoschris8194]

This bit bear-ly made sense!

[@lisas5211]

I'm never going to be the same that Conan said he brought a casket. OMG how random and epically hilarious is that. LOL

[@papamurrth1]

Could have posted this before my unfortunate bust up with Yogi