Reading through the comments and watching your video, I would say you did a great job! The English lyrics are nice and are very relevant to the message of the Korean version. One thing I would like to say is you don't have to be afraid to be loud when you rap or to be a little "aggressive." By that, I mean when you hear rappers raise their voices whilst spitting fire into their microphones. It is something Agust D (Suga) does in his songs, and it adds a lot of emotion or feeling into the song. That's what makes a song enjoyable and catchy.