Covert Narcissists & Triangulation| How & WHY Do They DO THIS??

[@infiniteplaneradio]

This may sound crazy, but my covert narcissist triangulates with the dog. The dog is the golden child I am the scapegoat. The dog isn’t housetrained yet if I leave a book on the floor I am reprimanded. She lavishes affection upon the dog and turns her back on me when I speak. Her love for the dog seems exaggerated and performative likely an attempt to spark jealousy in me. This behavior used to confuse me and now it makes me sad that someone could be so pathetic and manipulative. I would do anything to escape this, With the exception of letting her win. I don’t just leave because I would be destroyed. She would wreck everything ruin every relationship burn every bridge. I just gray rock, observe, and study this thing whatever it is. I’m not convinced they have souls.

[@butterflypathchristiancoach]

I pray for you brother. You will make a way out. Sometimes you need to lose to be able to win. I scaped a cover after many years and yes I lose it all but guess what? I gain my life back and I am happy now on my own two feet. Jesus helped me heal and protected me. Make plans.

[@EagleOxford]

No, well not Their Own souls anyway. It gets worse friend, so very much worse, so very dark. My son's mother would go have unprotected sex with Whoever, preferably someone I know, then come home and have sex with me claiming that I made her "all wet". I'm lucky I didn't get anything serious. This was only One of her sick pleasures that she felt was totally justified in doing because something I did bothered her, some normal thing I did. It gets so much darker. Think about leaving Buddy, I hope she's not as twisted as my ex is. 🕊️♥️🍀🧠🎶💪🏼

[@thirstonhowellthebird]

Trust me every bridge has already been burned, all behind your back. Life will be no different for you if you leave than what it is for you now. If you leave, at least you will survive. These people will poison you if they can. Be careful.

[@J.F611]

That's rough brother. Stay strong ​@EagleOxford

[@charlotteinfj4412]

Leave. You "lose" everyday you stay. There is nothing to "win" with a narcissist. That's her game and you play along by watching. You think you are not playing, but you are a chess piece. Whatever you think you will lose by leaving is better than losing oneself and your self worth. Trust me, I know. I have been there and I wish someone told me that decades ago. Whish you the best.

[@ean3345]

May God bless your efforts and knowledge.

[@user-zy8gk2nn7d]

narcs do not believe in God, higher power - so when they are close to exit - u they have fear - I have witnessed it myself and this fear is deserved and well earned. They are just coming back to their master, who will take care of them properly :)))))

[@marieke784]

There are a lot of narcs working in religions. So by carefull of what your are saving. Have you ever heard about narcs goeroes? There a lot of narcs goeroes. More then you think

[@wendyapfeldorf2120]

The overtly narcissistic parent will be hard-pressed to make a scapegoat out of their covertly narcissistic spouse, who will not offer reactive abuse. The covert will play the victim. The overt will scapegoat a child who will offer reactive abuse, and this child will also be scapegoated by the covert in insidious ways. The overt’s golden child will be turned against the covert by the overt and will be abandoned by the covert unless the child specifically seeks out the covert. The covert will select their own version of a golden child who is neither the overt’s golden nor the shared scapegoat, and the covert and this child, who is a budding covert, will have their own measured, watered down version of the narcissist-golden child relationship dynamic.

[@TrevorHamberger]

That's how I got to where I am. That also explains how my sister got the way she is. And my middle brother is a clone of my dad who is the ultimate abuser in this family

[@edithali1263]

W love to keep learning from u.

[@blas4me50]

The narc is calling triangulation, poly now.

[@Alex-bb9lc]

Sounds about right

[@chriscordsen2643]

Exactly!!

[@kaoshi_kutie]

This!!

[@AnnetteCurtain-tc4mh]

Poly?

[@sunshinedayz2172]

Thank you Michelle..Have you ever noticed that these tools in the narcissist toolbox are also used on the the citizens at gooberment level? Once you see it , You cant unsee it..

[@tzivier3061]

So painful, but so true. Narcs will use any tool to continue their bad behavior without having to change.

[@wendydaniel1110]

They are always looking for you to prove loyalty to them..

[@KleeKaiPuppies]

In the narcissist’s smear campaign of me, he convinced a lot of people that I was the perpetrator, and then he recruited people who used to be my friends into rescuing him when he’s the one who caused all these problems in the first place. Narcs are really twisted. I went no contact with all of them and I do not miss them. What that narc did was sick and wrong.

[@davevenables3534]

@@KleeKaiPuppies how many people who know you believed the smear campaign? It can be devastating as it will be ever so convincing.

[@fourtywater77]

Have any of them changed their minds since then?

[@jasonjones4492]

Great video Michele everything seems to be a game with these people.😋💞

[@johnm3544]

I experienced the opposite to the scenario where the narc is mean to you when you are alone but OK to you in public. In my case my narc mother was somewhat encouraging to me when I was alone with her but dismissive and flippant with me in front of my brothers. I never understood the dynamic until many years later, when I realised that she had been pleasant to me in isolation to gain to gain my trust, but had triangulated against me with my brothers and had to maintain the narrative when they were there. This realisation explained why I could never get on with my brothers no matter how hard I tried.

[@jessicagerou4132]

Ty! This was very helpful!❤

[@HamletsMill1969]

The biggest Trojan horse is TRIANGULATION.

[@acustomer7216]

My ex was an expert at this & also at provoking me. Or I should say I wasn't aware of the dynamic & fell for it. After 15 yrs, I quit giving him drama & conflict. He quickly started having an affair. He seemed to be using this as a master triangulation ploy, as if we'd fight over him! But he wound up divorced from me. Never been happier

[@dakoderii4221]

I imagined Nelson Muntz from The Simpsons pointing to your ex and saying "HA! HA!" 😂

[@Aj.8752]

Thank you Michelle ❤ I recently faced this problem . Narcs in my life pick me as scape goat/ prosecutor. Feeling sad has why I give these vibes . They think I am easy target ? I don’t set up boundaries or standards? Not sure why they think my kindness as a tool to exploit. Not sure how to put them in their place in group settings where it’s not easy to overlook . Can you please make a video on how to protect ourselves and act when we are placed in these roles ?

[@tommyhwang3353]

just use stoicm mindset, give npd minimum response every time npd playing their manipulation game like gaslightning, triangulation or etc

[@tommyhwang3353]

the risk if you give them minimum response, npd will searching another supply to feed their ego.... you want play npd game or ignore it... both have their own risk, if you decided play their game... make sure your mental healthy be priority

[@Aj.8752]

@@tommyhwang3353- Thank you

[@Aj.8752]

@@tommyhwang3353- Recently we had a family event in the Narc house and I was obligated to attend with other family members. When we arrived to their house his wife gave us warm welcome - Narc was not present at that moment He arrived late and greeted the person next to me and completely ignored me - I was left insulted and ignored . I felt I am disrespected - How should I deal with him next time I meet ?. Unfortunately he is in the common family group ?

[@tommyhwang3353]

@@Aj.8752 door slam him, make him like never exist in your own world

[@jodimo]

After 20 years marriage, he took everything, home, cars, things, and 50 % kids. I walked away with peace. And, my hew husband, Almighty God, took great care of me. 20 years later, I'm a new woman.

[@marcydrake9159]

Thank you so much for putting this analysis together. You are the first person I’ve seen accurately describe the dynamic in my home. I was the scapegoat parent, and I’ve been desperate to be understood. It’s brutal, but hearing you call it out and describe it so clearly is a healing moment. You have helped me so much over the past few years as I’ve tried to come to terms with what I’ve been dealing with. I’m so sorry you experienced covert narcissistic abuse too, and I’m so glad that you’re here sharing your hard won knowledge with us. ❤🙏

[@Sasha-y2n4j]

Thank you..I recently noticed my narc mom’s amor with my husband: sending gifts and calling him at work..I blocked her on his phone..she said nothing

[@sayno2672]

This is one of your great videos. Well explained and very precise.

[@SheilaChung-rt5iy]

Thank you again for your support Michelle ❤

[@LOVEISTRUTH300]

I'm Thankful for her and many others that are helping us make sense of it. Sending LOVE to you all💖💖💖

[@MonicaGunderson]

I feel that MIL pit the in-law family against me OR she was trying to get my husband and I to divorce by putting us against each other.. MIL created a smear campaign, telling in-laws, and my husband that I was faking my painful and disabling autoimmune disease (Ankylosing Spondylitis) and being immunocompromised (and continued to do so during the Covid pandemic). She even had my husband (her son) so twisted that I almost left. The thing that broke the camels back, my husband told me, "My mom has a hive mind and knows you are faking your autoimmune disease". I pulled out all my medical documents, including MRI, x-rays, Blood-Work, all the evidence. My husband collapsed crying and saying "I am so sorry" cause he realized his MIL lied and was being covertly abusive towards his own wife...... I am currently No Contact with MIL and in-laws and in trauma informed therapy and managing C-PTSD. I also have survived past child and teen abuse, this situation had retraumatized me.

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

Not allowing anybody else to be ill is a real thing. It threatens their right to the victim position on the board. So they simply will not anybody else's vulnerability as they must be the biggest victim

[@charlotteinfj4412]

Thank you, it explain a lot with my so called "mother", and the dynamic she created with my golden sister and the mini husband / baby brother. In public with them I didn't exist, in private they were awful to me and she was silent. When she was alone with me she was different and sometimes ok. So I talked to her about my life. She then used these "informations" about my life to create false narratives and stab me in the back to get sympathy. I learned too late in life she trashed me for years to play the martyred mother whereas in truth she was negletecful and abusive when I was a kid. It's brillant because no one believed me when I tried to speak. She h7t me as a kid, and when she could no longer as an adult, she used my siblings and family members as pawns to abuse me without getting her hands dirty.

[@andrewrees8749]

My ex Narsisist G.F tried this with me, I txt her first partner, and told him straight, just how evil she was, n

[@Imnotyourdoormat]

*"Anglers" (Fishermen) in every way and aspect of the definition ... **_are Hunters too._*

[@davevenables3534]

@@Imnotyourdoormat predators.

[@AnnetteCurtain-tc4mh]

And some have fishy fannies

[@charlielondon722]

I realised why my covert nacasist ex hates me im hypa independent and a hermit and pure as the driven snow , shes the ugly sister im Cinderella but im the man shes so pissed i told her don't be impulsive after being impulsive with me but i did recognise you cannot live like that and if you do don't moan about your destroyed life 🙏😇❤️

[@dawnie3021]

I think i was the scapegoat 😢

[@DianaKushin]

hi I’m really interested in this both treatments and schooling Can you pls send me more information? Thank you, Diana

[@FromSurvivingToThriving]

Hi Diana - here's a link to the School of Transformation as a link that explains Somatic Experiencing - SOT: www.micheleleenieves.com/school-of-transformation Somatic Experiencing: www.micheleleenieves.com/somatic-experiencing

[@ODRiley]

How about my cluster b ex wife that triangulates her current long term husband with me. It's interesting, sometimes the triangulation is against me and sometimes the triangulation is against him. I still don't understand the benefit she gets from this. Very odd behavior

[@kaoshi_kutie]

To keep her in control and feeding her ego ❤

[@ODRiley]

@@kaoshi_kutie Yeah, after a lot of research I kind of figured that out. But it's still hard to actually wrap my head around it. I asked my adult daughter why my ex acts the way she does. She told me that, "she wants both of you". Needless to say, I let my ex know that she can't have "both of us" LMAO. I feel kind of silly that I'm just now figuring out my ex has there mental issues after knowing her for 30+ years and being divorced from her for 18 year.

[@williamheredia7301]

Thanks Michele.... this describes what I have been through. Very well said 👏 brilliant!

[@njmauricio4137]

That is so so true ...... I am of the middle of this drama now specially that one enabler is coming to oneup me..... But don't worry I know now on how to deal those demon on a human form ..... Just keep silent and grayrock I am on the bridge of leaving very2 soon.....

[@JE-md9tm]

Thank you Michele 💜 This explains so much! Great knowledge, so relatable!

[@psychicsusan67]

Very powerful information!! Thank you!

[@anthonystubbs1978]

✨

[@benwil1715]

Hi Michelle.I need to love someone

[@benwil1715]

I wish you were available 🤩

[@benwil1715]

I have 3 10 milligram valium

[@CS-iv8tk]

My ex made me the scapegoat to our daughter. It was horrible watching her being controlled and her losing herself. The loss of a beautiful soul.

[@terryklaus8533]

My ex did the same thing. Lied about me physically abusing my ex and convincing my daughter even though my daughter never saw me hit my wife even once My daughter never calls me or even asks anyone how I am doing. I quit calling or texting her because she would never respond. I haven't seen her in several years and was told she got married until after the fact. Was not invited to the wedding. It still hurts me whenever I think about it. I love and miss my daughter.

[@sobeidalagrange7129]

06:15 18:00

[@reettaelina]

Yes, I have been changing my place constantly in past ten years because I got up in these situations when I have to live alone. I am at the time changing my place again because of triangulation and my depression is getting worse. I wish nobody is not taking me so nice when I attend because it makes narcissist so angry at me. I just wish I was invisible that nobody could see me and start the triangulation againand again and again...😢

[@moonshineonme75013]

7:37

[@LiveforHim73]

When triangulation will not stop. It has destroyed but it was in this place for a lifetime. One up each other and hide the problems. Workings on this. Step away. Then it’s you hear it starts again, more triangulation. Back stabbing. We, my husband and I, want to move to the mountains and leave it all behind. No guest rooms available. Power trips are so ugly. I used to think we had a fun family but then you get woke one day when major issue happens in the family you hope team work will happen. NOT!

[@ohsuellen]

I wish my daughter could see the light. She hasn't talked to me in 5 years since my divorce.

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

Oh yes, im the persecutor. Supposedly, mum has to be the victim, and my dad has no choice but to be her Rescuer. He is not allowed to be sick. If he is sick, she tells him he is a hypochondriac

[@LuvBritTV]

Honestly, it's exhausting! How do they do it? It's like they have a thousand scripts running in their heads at all times. No wonder we're confused. It took a narcissistic rage for me to see them as they really are, it was a God given epiphany!

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

Oh the friend group thing. So many times over my life there has been one person in the group who is LOVELY to everybody else but im like a ghost to her.

[@LTNyota]

One of the most amazing videos on Narcissism on the internet. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!!!

[@reettaelina]

I know what flying monkeys talk about me. In this week I am everything I am not.😢

[@jarichards99utube]

Hey Michele 🙂👍👍 -70SomethingGuy

[@fourtywater77]

Help me understand why our legal and law enforcement systems are not trained to spot this behavior?

[@sunshine-db2zm]

Yes my mom treats me like shit and puts my husband on a pedestal..i was happy that atleast she's nice to him until oneday he told me that i must have done something wrong...

[@empyrean4458]

Good one. I'd like to point out a comparison that I noticed about narcissists and a certain group of people, but YT will sensor it.

[@cajuncrackerranch7990]

Great factual content on every level Michelle. Great work. Thank you 🙏

[@ShasheenaBridge]

This actually makes sense once a narcissist has come into your life

[@marieke784]

Wouw thank you for sharing.

[@LuvBritTV]

Division: that's how you know the world is run by them!

[@thepaintscrapers6741]

They even use triangulation to get the validation they crave

[@NicholasANappiNick]

Do they learn or is it instinct?😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢

[@marycampeau9378]

omg you described my marriage

[@marycampeau9378]

you descried my mother

[@MWDmom]

Just ignore it.

[@stephenstreeter5279]

Wow great video

[@lynnschaeferle-zh4go]

Just like in high school the narc triangulated was to get rid of me after hurting me as much as possible. I realized he was paying back his stepmother (me) and he was living out his growing up years

[@oOIIIMIIIOo]

Like in any american highschool teen drama. 😅

[@PoncePappas-zo1ot]

Hawt

[@ronm7114]

Now that u know have to be on their side... yeah duh. Thats normal. Quick sidenote.

[@OyVey-]

You have lost your youthful appearance.

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

Wow! She's a beautiful wise successful woman. Who are you??

[@larijensen1096]

I began watching this to try and learn what triangulation means and I found some disturbing lack of reflection here. You were describing triangulation as gossiping about another and pitting against them. But do you realise that having a group of people meet up to ‘discuss’ a ‘narcissist’ is merely the same thing? You mention how the narcissist plays the role of saving the victim, but isn’t that also what you’re attempting to do? How is it ok to sit there gossiping and attacking who you call the narcissist, but it’s not ok if they do that to you? The story of Narcissus was about someone who saw his reflection in water and fell in love with his own reflection. But what victims of abuse seem to fail to recognise is that it’s meant to be showing you a mirror of your own darkness. That’s not meant to say you are acting in the exact same abusive way as someone you’re labelling with a severe personality disorder, often without any qualifications to do so, but it could be a family pattern inherited, for example. Labelling someone else witb a severe mental disorder and making groups to save victims, where you sit there gossiping and attacking the ‘narcissist’ behind their back, is also abuse behaviour, and could easily be viewed as triangulation. I am also an abuse survivor and I also resonate with these labels of narcissistic abuse infliction. But be warned that you’re playing an a extremely dangerous game to meet fire with fire. Your behaviour is no different. Abuse is still abuse. Ganging up on someone is still abusive. Gossiping behind someone’s back is still not moral. Playing saviour to victims and attempting to make groups for narcissistic abuse survivors is just the same behaviour. Or are you trying to make it ok to do this because you were abused? Are you trying to say that the one you label as a narcissist deserves to be abused but not you? They have no rights, just you? Wake up and see the mirror. Two wrongs never make a right. Unless you’re a qualified professional and you’ve officially diagnosed someone with a personality disorder you really have absolutely no right to call someone a narcissist in the first place. You really need to take an honest look at how you treat people including those you call a narcissist. Because if you wouldn’t want it done to you, why would you then do it to another? Because you were abused? But that doesn’t make it ok or right. Be honest and see that what you’re describing another doing, is also what you’re doing. Yes it’s subtle. Yes it comes across as kind and helpful. But it’s not a different thing. Go ahead and get defensive and try and say I’m wrong or block me, but that’s not solving a thing! Only self realisation can help this situation. Don’t ever minimise your own behaviour then get upset when the way you were treated is minimised.

[@funinterestingvideos8804]

The purpose the thrivers group is not to idle gossip about the abuser actually it's to take the focus off the narcissist and to self reflect and work on oneself. Learning about the abuse and talking about it is an important step VALIDATION many of these people have suffer in silence it is healthy to talk to someone about their experiences, however the focus of her group is to work to heal to over coming negative thinking that results from prolonged abuse.

[@larijensen1096]

Reading the comments, tells a different story. Black magic is real. Backstabbing is never ok even when propped up with an excuse such as ‘abuse surviving’. Two wrongs will never ever make a right. Everyone has the right to recover from extreme abuse but some day y’all going to have to realise that you’re mirroring the behaviour of the one you accuse

[@gladiammgtow4092]

@00:45 current "boarder crisis" in western nations. All by design.