Heal The "Dark Cloud" That Keeps Others From Accepting or Respecting You

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There’s a thing you might be doing that makes it very hard to heal from past trauma - and it’s when you’re thinking, eating and breathing a damaged idea of yourself. Even though you’re not conscious you’re doing it, you’re signaling to people your low self esteem. That hurts your ability to have positive relationships, and that, in turn, makes it harder to heal. In this video I teach the ways you may be consciously signaling that you don't accept or respect yourself, and what to do to begin healing.
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[@desertcrab6331]

It's bad enough we don't know why we are like this, but it only gets compounded when we do it to ourselves and destroy any hope of obtaining the connections we desperately need in life. Such a horrible cycle we are spun up into, it never ends. What gives me hope is hearing Anna explain it to us, it can be understood and overcome with focused attention to the causes. What would this world be like without Anna Runkle? Where would we be if she was hiding and unable to live out who she really is? While I would never wish this on anyone, if there is something good to come out of our suffering, it is imperative we all find healing so we can take our rightful places in this world and bring joy and happiness instead of pain and misery. As a woman, she brings her greatest strengths to nurture us in our pain and she is amazing. Thank you Anna for sharing yourself with us, you could just as easily keep things to yourself. I am so proud of her for overcoming her CPTSD to bring her authentic self to the table and make a difference. We can do it folks, I know I can do it, but it is so very difficult to overcome a lifetime of habitual living you are completely unaware of.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you so much for this extraordinarily kind comment. I'm saving it. You've made my day.

[@desertcrab6331]

​@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I am so glad it encouraged you, that was my intent. What makes it special to me is that it is authentic and true, and I can say it openly with no concern for negative comments that determine my worth or fear you won't like me. Hahahaha, we are a messed up lot, but we love deeply. You help me immensely with my childhood CPTSD and I lean on Dr. Ramani for my 47 year marital CPTSD. So, I guess I got a double whammy. I watch you a lot, each video you post is living proof healing is possible. You keep me going, sometimes I get it the second time around. It was YOU who helped me see the limerent pit I was in Ms Crappy Childhood Fairy. Hahaha, we can never underestimate the good that God can bring about from the wreckage of the lies of those who should know better. I earned my empathy the hard way, if I could just get to the real me I could give it away for real. If you'd like a topic to cover, I have a doozy for ya. What does it feel like to be genuinely loved for who you are and how do you know? I am afraid I have never experienced that in my life, so I honestly don't even know what it means to genuinely love myself. How can I experience human connection if I can't connect with my real self? The root wound of the limerent shackle still attached to my ankle is known. It is the BIG ONE and I don't know how to meet that need now that I have to mommy myself. But how would I know? The only thing I don't like about me is this never ending discovery of yet something else to overcome. I think I have connected to my therapist, but other than that I am a loner. But you get it, you really, really do. Knowing someone understands is very comforting to someone who has never been heard. It is a major accomplishment to even articulate this chaos. We need some CPTSD jokes. What happens when a CPTSD survivor finds his voice after never being heard? He writes LONG posts!

[@DDumbrille]

@@desertcrab6331 I like this channel as well, but I highly recommend the 'Faster EFT' channel with Robert Smith. He has a rather odd approach, claiming that 'memories aren't real'. That of course sounds ridiculous, but his main point is that -- yes, 'this' or 'that' trauma happened, but it was years or decades ago. Why do we still feel so hurt, so abandoned, etc.? Because we're now doing it to ourselves. We're abandoning ourselves, not loving ourselves, etc.. He gets people to change those old memories, by creating new ones, so that the brain, and thus, the mind and eventually the body truly believes and trusts that we are no longer stuck in the past, that the world is safe, that we're safe, and we're okay just being ourselves. Hope that is helpful...

[@melaniemarloe9274]

yes

[@cindyburnside731]

I have no desire to "impress" people who have no compassion.

[@charlottetaylor4471]

Yeh, decent people won't judge you for having low self-esteem ❤️

[@jackalope2302]

​@@charlottetaylor4471I find many people mistake my LSE as something unpleasant, like arrogance or rage.

[@marijajanicijevic8211]

​@@charlottetaylor4471That's why I never tried to change to fit in, even when I was ridiculized for not swearing, not watching reality shows, being emotional and being nerd back than. In highschool, where the nerds were majority, I felt like I belonged without trying. Fitting in is the opposite of belonging. And the most important thing-you need to move forward even when you don't feel like it. Meet the Robinsons is the cartoon with those messages I would recommend to even adults.

[@RedSeaGull]

Agreed. I don't withhold respect or acceptance for something as shallow as low self-esteem, and I wouldn't want to be around people who do that either. Shallow and cold-blooded.

[@AlexKarasev]

People don't owe us compassion for non-performance (if you disagree, try hiring some). However, expectations must be explicitly negotiated, and "impressing" is setting those low enough to where you can over-deliver by a small margin *consistently*. (Not by a huge margin once in a blue moon - rare big "surprise" successes have no commercial value, it's not a lottery).

[@gertrudewest4535]

No words were truer - don’t give away your personal power by relying on other people to make things alright. A tough thing to accomplish for me because I came from a physically abusive home where I was frequently terrified of being severely beaten, or enduring the screams of my brother and sister being savaged. My safety and well being were always enmeshed with the adults in the house. To this day I shake when others are angry. But, I am working on it.

[@kathyingram3061]

~I am so sorry you had to live through that!~I admire you for working to get beyond it!~♡~

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for watching and sharing your experience with us. One good tool to help with getting regulated is the Daily Practice. You can try it in the free course: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy

[@user-on6yj2wn9t]

I cannot seem to connect to anyone. Most people stay away from me. I remember I took a class and a couple girls sat at my table and left within 5 minutes to sit somewhere else. I have always felt inferior. My parents made me feel inferior and then my mom has the nerve to say you have always had an inferior complex. Yeah thanks to them! I can’t even stick up for myself. I know I tried when I was little and got the shit beat out of me.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thats sounds incredibly hard. I'm so glad you're here now, we're all rooting for you :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@mckady4869]

People usually don't sit next to me if they can help it.

[@goldengirl1111]

I can't connect to anyone either, lonely life .

[@happyandfree11]

Not sure what your belief system is, but some of us are born with a spirit of rejection. Just something to look into.

[@Glassdamselfly]

Sending you a big hug❤

[@allisonbutler4829]

This was right on time. Sometimes I think I slip into denial about how much my CPTSD impacts my life. I recently lost my car just a couple weeks after changing my daughter’s school to (hopefully) have a better experience. Since I don’t have my car, I’ve been on the bus & struggling to keep all the things the same about my life (even though I now have to factor in sometimes up to 3.5-4 hours on the bus if they’re late). My kiddo has been late nearly daily, if we make it (in the snow I’ve turned back a couple times). I’ve noticed how the other parents look at me & had grown resentful. I’m the only black parent in the class, the only only parent in all the grade, can I get a break?! 😂 I really reached a tipping point today & decided I wasn’t going to offer any “energy” or light to anyone if I was going to be judged. But this video made me consider how many times I’ve talked about my circumstances at off moments, over-shared bits of info to see if ppl care, and really just made myself the underdog. All my circumstances aren’t my fault but there are changes I personally can make to relieve some of my stress & maybe lighten that cloud a bit. Ty for the reminder 🙏🏾

[@ChristyKayKirk]

I understand truly!!

[@sharonthompson672]

Sending Jedi hugs your way. You're a shining example to your daughter. 🙂🖐️

[@morpheuszzz662]

Good luck to you that things will fall into place and get easier for you. You are a champ for finding solutions!

[@Elizabeth-arb22]

Hugs to you allisonbutler. And big kudos to you for finding solutions, even when they're really hard!!

[@lifeofjoy9404]

Hang in there!!!!👍💪🤞🙏❤️

[@nancysmith8585]

It blew my mind to hear that being chronically late and misjudging the time it takes to get ready in the morning is literally brain dysregulation. All these years I've been so ashamed of myself that I can't seem to do something as simple as leave on time, and now it makes sense. Every time I listen to your channel, I feel like you know me 👏😭👏

[@lovelover4408]

This was mind blowing. But it’s what I’ve felt for so long - like I just don’t know how to conceptualize time. Like I have time dyslexia. The idea of it being dysregulation is fascinating…

[@rooboatdeer22yu51]

I have so much rage that I have to heal so other people can basically respect me and listen to me.

[@littleone31917]

​@@lovelover4408In the ADHD literature, it is called time blindness. I have had it all my life.

[@KARIN1980ification]

Thats what gave me my Adhd diagnos but actually come from my mom never teaching us that stuff, because of her never getting any attention from her buissy mom being emotionally neglectfull because of her alkoholic unfaithfull somethimes abusive husband, my granpa. My mothers brothers got in to drugs after first being early introduced to alkohol, the drugs destroid their and their children life. One of my three cousins I have some contact with and he has GAD or depression. My mothers brothers died to young because of their drugs. My mother married to Young and then was divorced at 25 someting with zero support from her former husband or her parents, she then put the kids in childsupport. Then my mother remarried but had trouble with gambling for money, and being a horder etc. Often defensive and getting in to arguments with people, had few close friend. I lived a sort of normal life compared to hers but still not normal and grow up with social fobia and Low self-esteem, Walking on egg shell with my moms temper. My parents often talked about divorce but never did. I Got in to bad relationship with men as younger. Got kids and family in a sort of better relationship but still having super low self-esteem being such an nice but anoying peoplepleaser. Also being kind of an horder and making bad economical desitions but not as af as my moms. Also have few close friends because of me having trust issues in people and some kind of cptsd nervoussness. My eldest Child also having symtoms om shyness and ’adhd’ but i think it all come from. Chaos around US sadly get chaos the head. But if we have this attention to it we can make something about it. Now I’m 43 and still got a long way to go. Recently got an degree, and education to be able to support my children ecomical, but also want to support emotionally of course, and I still having a long way to go with my emotionally self improwment. Maby leaving my husband who is not totally emotionally supportive. I Will make the improwment I can at least and hope you to do what you need for we are worth feeling fine, balanced and relaxed ❤️🌟✔️💪😊

[@user_f1]

The more I learn about these things the more I think disorders like adhd are just another manifestation of dysregulation through trauma. Of course things such as toxicity and how it affects our brains also plays into that.

[@M.A.-kk8dx]

Im tired of my meek, mild stuttery persona I fall into at work because I feel overwhelmed and ashamed at work. It's embarrassing and makes others uncomfortable. All due to my low self esteem.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for watching. One good tool to help with getting regulated is the Daily Practice. You can try it in the free course: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy

[@immers2410]

Are you female?

[@eyaalem7990]

Same here. But I have enough saving and I am working on my self. Low self esteem needs alone time to just figure out yourself a little bit deeper.

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

You might be depressed

[@inpugwetrust]

Blah. That sounds all too familiar..

[@blackswan4486]

If other people don’t accept or respect you, that’s on them. It’s nothing you made them do. Other people are responsible for their own behavior.

[@Claymoreinurface]

I agree. Come on here to say the same thing. I still struggle but the three people in my life are respectful and loving and kind. They are that way. Anybody who shows different are out so fast.

[@stefanisilva2493]

@@lotus1716 You are aiming at the wrong target. Narcisists have ZERO problems being wanted, loved and acepted by people. They often gater fans and admires wherever they go, despite being nasty - they easily glide through our psicopatic social system with excelent results. People that have a hard time being acepted are often the most sensible and nice people, that have a hard time being phony or trying to fit in our unfair systems.

[@Nick_Taylor.]

@@stefanisilva2493those are grandiose narcissists. Not all narcs are grandiose.

[@stefanisilva2493]

@@Nick_Taylor. And not all people asking for aceptance are narcs. That's the point.

[@victormiranda4664]

The people that you are describing are very rare, those individuals are highly in tune with themselves and can project accordingly to any type of person. Unfortunately most people are reactive, and will be a mirror to the person that YOU are projecting.

[@Suspended777DusK]

I wonder if I'm the only one here who not only had an emotionally/physically abusive parent, but also got bullied in grade school... I feel like bullying has played a large part in what messed me up... And back when I was a kid, it was considered a normal part of growing up. The principles and teachers would hardly do a damn thing about it.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

That sounds hard but you're not alone. Try Anna's free Daily Practice course. It's a great tool to process fears and resentment, and it help with getting regulated: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy

[@slsilver481]

Me too. I think bullies can sense the kids who are already vulnerable so it makes sense they would pick on kids who are being abused at home. High school at least was much better for me, and I hope it was for you too.

[@birdlover6842]

Same here but they bullied me because I have moderate intellectual disability undiagnosed then. I had an odd presentation and dress too. The teachers laughed at me along with the kids when they weren't yelling at me for not catching on. I got terrible grades like Ds and an E. Needed special Ed.

[@ti-lo5hy]

You're definitely not the only one. I got served up neglect and physical abuse at home but thankfully the bullying wasn't so bad at school.

[@mzny4314]

My son is autistic and he received a lot of bullying in elementary school. I pulled him out until high school but seeing how he’s socially awkward he still got bullied.

[@Jim-t6v]

I was about 12 yrs old with my father and mother on a trip to the city for something. I can’t recall why - but we were stopped and my mother was temporarily out of the car. I desperately wanted my mothers affection. At some point I spotted a man selling flowers on the street corner. I had a little money and quietly asked my father if I could buy some flowers to give to my mother in an attempt to make her like me. My father then started yelling and screeching at me in his typical way that I knew so well - “don’t do that - why do you want to do that? She doesn’t want that from you”. I sat back in the seat - realizing I had no way out. I was doomed and had no hope. and it only got worse from there.

[@debbysimon120]

Damn, that sucks. Adults are not plugged into their kids. I'm sorry that happened to you.

[@Juniperus_Godegara]

Anna understands this topic so deeply, in so many layers. She always highlights so tiny things that nobody mentions. Thank you for your videos! ❤

[@Gearhart_Music]

I've had that dark cloud my whole life. I was starting to pull out of it, then the Covid Lockdowns hit, and I gradually slipped back into it. This past year has been difficult to pull out of it. What really sucks is when the dissociation kick in and you're just not aware of it until someone else points it out. I had no idea how childhood trauma and especially neglect in my case had been affecting me my whole life until a couple of years ago when a friend specifically mentioned it.

[@lindalu7713]

I actually lose friends because they have the low self-esteem and wish to continue on that way. For the people with high self-esteem, did you ever hear the golden rule? 'Love your neighbor as yourself'? This means everyone. Love to All.

[@johngrasso1483]

Too bad we can’t get 90% of people to understand or comply. Sift out the liars, manipulators,selfish, & it leaves about 10%.

[@aviator1787]

“Ashamed for being ashamed” yup! 😂

[@HeartFeltGesture]

So happy you have made this video. I have been trapped in this cycle for a long time. I have toxic shame and emotional dysregulation, anxiety, depression........and it all sabotages my interactions with people (on my bad days), I can feel my crippled state but push through it to try to relate and be normal, but I can tell when someone doesnt "buy it" and it compounds my shame, because I feel like Im acting and have been caught not being genuine. I remember feeling like an actor at home, around my parents, it was like I was always giving a performance of myself, rather than just being myself. This I think stems from conditional love from the narcissistic parent, it is designed to get the child to adapt itself to the mothers preferences of behavior, or be shunned or rejected, physically hit, verbal abuse, showed displeasure, punished etc (well beyond healthy behavioral discipline in a normal parent / child dynamic). Since I had to compromise my natural self so much in order to survive and be accepted by my mother, I essentially lost or forgot my authentic self. So we become lost and awkward, dysfunctional and confused, deeply traumatized, obviously. Then in order to survive again we have to face the adult world in order to earn money. They say narcissistic abuse often leads to varying degrees of Agoraphobia, I can relate, I have self-diagnosed myself with avoidant personality disorder. But there is a way out, and as usual, CCF is on the button with her understanding.

[@Jen-yv4eg]

Most importantly it's what u feel inside & about yrself. What others think of u...👀... is thier issue, Not yrs. Look back at yr life, u will see how far u have come. Give yrself daily credit about anything. If u smiled at someone... smile at yrself 1st it matters. ❤

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

What a nice thing to share. Thank you for spreading your kindness and encouragement to others! Nika@TeamFairy

[@noname-by3qz]

At almost 70, and staying alone on purpose for yrs and yrs, I realize now I was way too emotionally obligated because I was forced to be that way in childhood.

[@listentotheanimalscreamsha1511]

This I'm 47 have no desire to deal with people.

[@turnthepage867]

I don't know what my problem is. I respect myself, earn more, have a kind boyfriend, and eliminated toxic friends and family. Still, I live in the past when people mistreated me. I relate to snide comments like it's happening now...but it's not.

[@martinjohnson2381]

Go to the root; you have to feel it to heal it. You sound successful and kudos to you, but that's dancing in the side.

[@marisa5359]

Yes, very relatable. Mine was less being late anywhere but more a heightened anxiety at all times that I was failing, sure to fail soon, needed to apologize over and over for some distant past or future fail. And now, I am just longing to break free of the dark cloud enough to even try to contribute to society in some tangible, (hopefully) income-generating way again. There are so many steps in the process the fear of being able to get there is huge, but working towards it...

[@stfu3403]

I grew up in a toxic and violent household even tho I thought I moved on from it. Most people close to me and acquaintances said i look like I was carrying the burden of the world. They said my energy radiates a "dark-cloud". Despite looking happy outside, that's when I figured that I need to heal inside because I felt shameful that ppl are looking at me as a "sad person". Some ppl make fun of me of being like that.

[@CameliaTex]

I’m learning to time my activities: shower, laundry, dishes,etc so it makes planing my days easier.

[@DesertSessions93]

Nothing is going to change until family is out of my life for good. I have healed before. I have gained confidence before. I have earned respect before. But that all gets taken from me when family forces their way back into my life. My life will never be worth living until they are gone for good. I get this job (fingers crossed) and it's my ticket away from these soul sucking demons.

[@gloriavis]

I'm just not trusting anymore.

[@dzioslo]

Ashamed of being ashamed! Wow, spot on!

[@gaurs230]

It’s generational I feel this fear of inability to speak up for your own self!

[@zbob1461]

EMDR was one of the best things that ever happened to me and I doubt I would have found the help I needed without this channel! Thank you!!

[@j_fitzu]

🙌🏼 EMDR #goals

[@wilmaw1190]

Is EMDR what the CCF uses as therapy in her courses?

[@saraemily7397]

Pseudoscience

[@ShemikaDavis-m9y]

Energy don't lie and that's the bottom line people are just weird when you don't follow what they do God made me different and I embrace just that standing in my power. God is faithful.

[@Marie.Herbst]

I know people have asked me "what's wrong " you're right on the mark. I have a habit of always saying "sorry " or " are you mad at me"

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I hear you. Feel free to download the PDF with the tips ("Eleven Strategies to Feel Happier Today") Anna shares, and start from there. Nika@TeamFairy

[@Marie.Herbst]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you 😊

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

I feel like I have an Eeyore Cloud following me around all of the time.... Sad😢....

[@DailyDose926]

As a kid I could always relate to Eeore 🌧

[@donwade9905]

Eeyore is my spirit animal.

[@marisa5359]

Yep. Eeyore was always my main guy with a fair amount of Piglet anxiety and a sprinkle of Rabbit's fussy tendencies thrown in.

[@sylviarhomberg5404]

We want to clear our clouds, but remember most of the characters in 100 acre wood were really very fond of Eeyore ❤

[@5gx673]

​@sylviarhomberg5404 you're right ❤

[@user_f1]

The more I watch and read you stuff the more I’m certain that I have been suffering from C-PTSD all these years (and later on had incidents that experienced more trauma and one more “classical” shock trauma event). And am still healing from it even though I did a lot of healing work the past years. But understanding this helps me nonetheless. Will also check out that daily practice. I just sometimes wonder why my siblings don’t seem to be as affected as me. Since we have the same parents.

[@j_fitzu]

Same parents, different experiences, each of you had.

[@Carol-rz6og]

I have had and have the problem is being late. The closest to any explanation was by a Social Worker that told me I had social anxiety. The video explained everything for me for the first time. Ana Runkle puts every therapist in Shame as they have no idea of what your real problems are.

[@PortervilleMusicSociety]

I live with two parents who never accepted their trauma and now instead choose to ignore everyone and thing. They even tried to put blame on me for their issues too! I don't believe in change or healing at all. I don't even believe in help - being listened to or lectured at is not enough.

[@rebeccasimmers9363]

I am chronically late, and I get the disregulation, but it does not seem to be something I can change, not even by getting up earlier. The one thing that has worked for me is working from home, I am always on time working from home and I don't have to worry about my appearance and the constant judgment I get for being in public. I've had people tell me to my face that "people like you should not be seen in public" and hundreds of others who don't say it in words but in tbeir behavior, a snicker, avoiding eye contact, body language that signals disgust. So, I don't believe that all of my current recurrent trauma is my own doing or that I'm inviting it. In fact, I found that if I wore sunglasses, even indoors, people had a better response to me than when I took them off. So, while I have low self-esteem, I also know it's more complicated than that because I am visually impaired and people will judge me for that out of their ignorance (and they lose points in my book because of that. Ableism is one of the most insidious bigoted attitudes people have and it does not deserve grace). I also know I'm highly capable and compete fiercely to be the best against sighted able bodied people. Given my circumstances, I don't believe that it's possible to change my insides in any measurable way to have a positive impact on how people perceive and treat me.

[@ricklorion]

It is like being Debbie Downer without even trying.

[@Savvynomad225]

Rid your life of toxic people, including family and any one way friends. Then be sure to focus on healthy living and exercising. Your self esteem will come

[@Undermineded-333]

It's all about self acceptance,,period!!!

[@annaburns2865]

It’s not your fault. When you are constantly being pushed down by the people who are supposed to love you but don’t, of course you are going to feel weighed down. That’s what the narcissist is going for. Anyone else who doesn’t have sympathy for you, or encourage you to heal after you leave isn’t worth your time. It’s not your responsibility to make others happy. You can’t be rained on for 30 years and then be expected by society to suddenly be dry. That’s ridiculous. 🙄

[@debbiesday8270]

I know I feel emotionally shut down and I get quiet around people. I don't show facial expressions and I'm just kind of there physically, but not emotionally.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I hear you. One good tool to help with getting regulated is the Daily Practice. You can try it in the free course: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice And if you want to go deeper, Anna has a whole course on connecting with people, Connection Bootcamp. bit.ly/CCF_Connection Nika@TeamFairy

[@mitskiluvr6301]

Thank you so much for sharing all this info for free

[@angelglowstudios1454]

A few things that for me is, my improved physical appearance instantly boost my self esteem, staying exclusive (not allowing everybody in my energy), making more money, not allowing just anybody into my life, not feeling sorry for people and wanting to save them, and being a bitch.

[@uphilldew]

i really had this before eid. i kept wondering why after getting in college, moving into new city to study, different people with more cool amount of EQ and social skill also empathy, still found me not 'favorable' to befriend close with tho they're nice and good to me and I am too towards them. they would greet me but oftentimes I was left alone, and only with my one closest best friend. i wondered, what is so wrong with me? then, eid came, I came back to my family, and because of I had communicating with diff ppl with diff cultures in college, I was more brave to talk with my family and was willing to blend more(I had worse social issue with my family before I went to college) and surprise2 my confidence was increased, i less overthinked, and then when i back to college this year, i encourage myself to just get in to some conversations AND THEY STARTED TO "SEE" ME. so what was changing? i think, my confidence, my curiosity on people and knowing how they're doing, and me being more comfortable in my new skin and stand by my own.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Good job! Thanks for sharing! Nika@TeamFairy

[@DAClub-uf3br]

When i think of changing i cry. It's not a happy cry.

[@innovativesolutions2428]

What I relate to is my late Mom, she emotionally abused and neglected me. Not financially, food, clothing, Church, "care". Rather narcissistic BS, ridiculed, never enough (I'd get a B+ or A- WHY didn't I get an A+ you're smart!!??!!!!) or that my own cousins don't even like me, etc. I was a very lonely child, except for a very loving Dad who did his best and she HATED me that he was a good Dad. She lost hers at 13 (never paid attention until now!!). Being chronically late, no sense of time oh wow! My parents were always on time, always prepared, never rushed, arrive early. WTF is wrong with me???? The MAIN thing for me is my Mom was a time freak, to the point of this-we'd have a wedding reception say 5pm after wedding at 10am, brunch, go home until the reception. I would have to get up waaaay early, get ready, and essentially DO NOTHING. Sit, wait, don't play, "get dirty", sit like a doll (except change clothes for lunch, etc.) Just f-ing "wait". They fought a LOT about this-he called her crazy (I agree!!). All i ever heard was we're gonna be late over and over and over again. Im always late, lost jobs, opportunities, etc.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for watching and sharing your experience with us. You may like Daily Practice. It is a good tool to help sort out things like this. Give it a try if you’re interested: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy

[@tomh1593]

I put myself down to people whether its my looks etc. I was called ugly as a kid and it has stuck with me into my adult years.

[@Nerodz]

Late for work is an excellent, common example! Commuting in L.A. for years, I'd watch people that must have left late take it out on their fellow drivers, gaining a mere car length here or there through aggression, pushing, constantly changing lanes. I'd think about how exhausting that must be for them, to go through that 5 mornings per week! I'd consider -That's how they're starting their day! What are they like by 6p?! Observing this daily phenomena from a chill place in my own vehicle with music, audiobooks, some tea, knowing I'd get there eventually, knowing to expect the traffic, leaving early enough to arrive 15-20 minutes early, arriving fresh, calm, collected, I always wondered why someone would CHOOSE to repeatedly start their day off in a rage, simply because they could not get up 15-20 minutes earlier in the morning?!

[@SS-in1ts]

I think that we understand but the struggle is rewriting it in ways that we don’t know how to because we aren’t exposed to new feelings unless we are exposed to new dynamics and healthy people. We can’t just dream up an ideal reaction or feeling if we don’t know what that is. That’s why we do need others, that’s how we grow.

[@hopealivealways]

Honestly these are wonderful sentiments and i am not trying to take away from the positove video but the reality on the ground is somethings are easier said than done. There's a part of youre life that will remain doomed once you jave experienced CPTSD. Trying to live better everyday is the goal (and please never give up) but don't beat yourself up if you're not "healing". Everything will fall in place in uour life as it should. Que sera sera. Just keep living and try as much as possible to stay positive. Its a blessing if you have a good and positive support system.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

What a shame you feel that way, and that you encourage others to believe it too. Consider trying something that works: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice

[@hopealivealways]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you Anna

[@paulidevoss7249]

Very insightful video, thank you 🙏

[@gloriavis]

I love myself

[@maryjames3727]

What is CPTSD? I get to work on time; I know better than to risk losing my job. But when I am going to an event or social occasion, people give me flack about being late. They say, "We've been waiting for you." I say please never wait for me. I don't expect you to hold things up waiting for me. So, who's got the dependency problem here?

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

You are critical of friends because they wait for you?

[@Xavieritis]

I know it's just how it works but to me it's absolutely insane that you are punished even more by society and the world for not perfectly being able to handle trauma and unfortunate circumstances

[@Reishira-ln73ks]

This the belittling part of their style of war

[@Canwegetawhoohoo]

This guy i like leads me on . He wants to spend time with me but on his time only. We havent met up for almost 6 months (its ldr) and he says he can only see me for 5 days, as always . If im asking for more quality time , im called ' demanding. ' I know he is in contact with other woman and lies. I just find it hard to have him out of my life. He calls everyday ( on his time) weekends he goes silent. I know i deserve better. I can be very anxious and call him when he goes silent but this evening i will just let everything go. A guy who only wants to spend 5 days with me after 3/6 months is not the guy for me. 😢

[@janelle_godin]

you just described my entire life......

[@janeylynn5934]

How can I be the one who holds the key to my healing, when I'm STILL stuck living with my family of origin? (People will tell me to just get out, but that's really not possible, due to chronic health issues which cause me to be financially dependent.) There really is no way to heal in my situation.

[@celestialfortuna37]

thank you for your presentations. they are very educational

[@hectormayoral443]

Love your videos. I did your "writing fears and resenments down" for one month, and I think it's a combo of several factors like having changed to prozac, and getting a cat, and being more sociable, but anywho thank you, and I have two questions. I might be able to find it in other videos, or your books but: @9:05 You mention that trauma can dim the ability to guage the consequences of the risk involved in bad decision making. I imagine like psychiatric medications, you have the the paradoxical reaction, where it has the opposite effect, do you have any studies where this happens in terms of childhood trauma? so instead of dimming, we get a boost? @11:11 can emotional dysregulation be feeling "too happy?" after a while, with prozac, I started feeling so happy, it's scary. And I feared the medication might be making me manic or that I already might have some form of bipolar disorder which I inherited from my father, I think not. But yes, sometimes I feel almost TOO happy. Granted it could be the coffee, and all other factors, but... I mean I guess I'm asking "what is emotional dysregulation?" is this a natural part of life to feel emotionally dysregulated and it's simply uncomfortable which is a part of life, or is emotional dysregulation really a symptom that should be avoid and could signal or cause worsening? I mean them as separate elements. I'm a believer that suffering is inherently required to grow as an individual, so again I ask if emotional dysregulation is bad and something we should strive to avoid or just the ups and downs of life, by definition?

[@jadegreen1554]

Hair looking gorgeous in this video 👍☺️

[@caryoulwhitty]

I have low self esteem and I am not attracted to bad men. That's just lacking common sense I think to be attracted to people that treat you poorly

[@kbrizy7490]

1:45 That’s the worst.

[@setpunks13]

This is great. Makes so much sense

[@neelubhandari4736]

If I have low self-esteem I don't care I still want to enjoy my life.

[@romans8385]

I gave up at the 6 minute mark, waiting to hear the "HEAL the Dark Cloud" part. Way too much cause; I would like to learn how to heal.

[@creetan9997]

With that kind of mentality it doesn't matter whether you get the answer right away or not. Sometimes I feel the same, but life just isn't something that happens in an instant. It takes time. And if you don't have the patience to listen all the way through for the answer, most likely you won't have the patience to apply it in your life.

[@jonny1943]

WOW!! Youre awesome!!!

[@writingpictures8141]

Im doing myself a favor by doing what i love and i hope God will help me tralalalalala

[@aaronmcpeakofficial6256]

the sociological system that we live in attempts to make it look like people are cohesive and indirectly connected as a team but the paradox is that we are divided THAT IS WHY so many folks associate themselves with their favorite football team instead of their favorite group of humans that they actually belong to because your average person doesn't belong to any group of humans because of the social division that we live in and then the psychological warfare operation of money makes it extremely difficult for anybody in this country to gain self value

[@robinhowells159]

You’re definitely on to something.

[@Sally150]

It attracts bullies.

[@simonquantock4334]

I am glad I found you

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

We're so glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@MrJesse3030]

Ummm. So how do we heal? Lol

[@luisdoyer3260]

Yeah I’d like more help with this

[@hbinfinity]

10:32 and on. Also earlier she mentions self soothing.

[@G.spicey]

😂😂😂😂

[@CB19087]

If people don't listen to me now, I just walk away. Life is too short to waste on people who can't be compassionate when they see someone struggling. Sorts the wheat from the chaff. Stop wasting time on timewasters. Find the people who are emotionally matute enough to be patient

[@OwnersofaBrokenHeart]

Low self esteem will attract predators. Do background checks!!!!

[@catherinebirch2399]

True. I always attracted bullies as a youngster. I thought that I was cursed in some way.

[@OwnersofaBrokenHeart]

@@catherinebirch2399 It’s been great to have stronger boundaries, get uplifted by the advice and to not give up on finding friends who aren’t dangerous !

[@mtloke5732]

Bullies will lower your self-esteem even further.

[@SinaLaJuanaLewis]

I would as far to say that low self esteem doesn't allow us to choose healthy people because we were not ATTRACTED to healthy people😮

[@mtloke5732]

@@SinaLaJuanaLewis why so?

[@cateclism316]

You will never be enough for some people....because their expectations are so unreasonable.

[@hotmomma1552]

Naw because they’re not enough for themselves.

[@perrycoffey5410]

Like American fee mails

[@missmelissa3573]

My husband 😢

[@AlexKarasev]

Expectations are by definition something someone just up and sets, at the level.of their choosing - unless explicitly negotiated between parties. Some people deliberately set it high as means to exert pressure - suddenly it's *your* fault for not meeting expectations *tbey* made. Negotiate all expectations with your clients, loved ones, self. Any other expectations, incl & esp implied ones, explicitly say hereby must cease to exist.

[@stevealexander2649]

Absolutely right, they are the people we need to recognise and get out of our life

[@JCA51698]

Remember three things: You are enough You have always been enough You always will be enough

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for sharing this :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@justsaying7789]

Pat from SNl

[@joyhappiness]

No. I am not enough. I don't do enough. I am not dependable. That is OK to know, but NOT ok to stew in. I CAN be enough. I CAN do "enough". I CAN be dependable.

[@justsaying7789]

@@joyhappiness ty. Toxic positivity on sterioda

[@zad0k91]

Enough years of failure, rejection and letting people down will inevitably erode such thoughts, unless your brain lives in fantasy land

[@lesliel1182]

Anxiety is all I've ever known, started as a child and colored my world. I have no idea about what it would feel like to be without it.

[@franheironimus2766]

It's exhausting, though. It's that invisible companion.

[@marisa5359]

Yes, indeed. It was a daily experience doled out like breakfast. I can't remember a time when I did not feel it.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I hear you. Daily Practice (a free course) can be a good first step. It is a great way to process fears and resentment. You can try it free here: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy

[@littleone31917]

I feel you! I have had daily anxiety much of my life and never recognized that until right now. Two of my 4 kids have it. Maybe all four of them.

[@djhrecordhound4391]

Same here, and I bet the colour is the same as mine, but we're in polite company for me to say it...

[@dameanvil]

00:00 🌥 Past trauma can lead to a damaging self-image that affects relationships and hinders healing. 02:15 🐶 Nonverbal cues and nervous system signals communicate our emotional state, even if we try to hide it. 05:33 🔄 Changing small aspects of your life can significantly improve self-esteem and aid in healing. 07:04 🔑 You hold the key to healing your self-esteem, not others who may have caused past trauma. 09:59 🔄 Focus on actions and behaviors to improve self-perception and break the cycle of negative emotions.

[@birgip.m.1236]

@dameanvil Thank you for taking the time & effort to create a time-stamp list of sections from the video!! Added section @6:00: 3 things going on in taking on the role of "underdog": 1) Bad Habits 2) Faulty Decisions 3) Distorted Perceptions

[@Jdjustsaying]

Much appreciated ❤❤❤

[@ajnadey7173]

Thanks for outlining this complete lack of substance video, no measurable techniques or solutions. Thanks for outlining to reveal that so succinctly. The speaker could learn something from you.

[@dameanvil]

@@ajnadey7173 I think that is a harsh comment, to put it mildly.

[@BC-vt2nv]

​@@dameanvilI agree with that comment. Within seconds, I put it on the fastest speed. Babble babble babble

[@burrliese3810]

This is so real. I wake up sometimes 40 minutes before my alarm goes off, in a cold sweat of dread and anxiety, even though I know I have plenty of time to get ready. But instead of just getting up and using that extra time productively, I stay in bed and sometimes that even leads to me getting out of bed later than I should and then having to rush to get to work on time. It's clearly dysregulation, and it's crazy.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

We understand as few others can. You're in the right place! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@SuspiriaX]

I had exactly this set of symptoms diagnosed as ADHD-PI. Are you guys sure you're not confusing C-PTSD with it? (or are we doing polyvagal theory here)

[@burrliese3810]

@@SuspiriaX I haven't had an official diagnosis, but I am certain I am Autistic too. The difference is that people are born with Autism, while CPSTD is developed through trauma. There are many overlapping symptoms, but in my opinion, after researching both, I do think they are two very different things. My issue is I have to deal with both!

[@lorigirl65]

Is this why people just mid-sentence talk over me? It's like my speaking is the same as dead air. Like I'm not even there.😂

[@erikaloyo4987]

it happens to me I read somewhere it has to do with our intonnation

[@angelaharris1112]

Me too! I am blown away!

[@Penny-bt4gc]

OMG. That happens to me all the time at work. I called my manager on it one time. He said I was disengaged and never give any input to meetings. I told him because he would speak over me like my input was not important enough.

[@ben_pettit_4264]

Oh, my gosh! This happens to me a lot! Especially if we are in a group of friends somewhere. I get to the point where I just stop talking and just listen. 😔

[@sue6307]

Omg!!! Yes! I grew up wondering if I was actually invisible. People still do that ...😢

[@smokingcrab2290]

I don't care if my "dark cloud" pushes people away. I'm allowed to feel my own process. I don't need to do anything to get people to like me. I'm so tired of always having this stupid idea shoved down my throat that I have to do everything possible to regulate everyone else's emotions and make them love me, and yet they don't give a single fuck about me. The only people I want in my life are the ones that deserve it because they proved to me that they're an actual person with a good heart. And if my "dark cloud" pushes people away then maybe it's a good thing. One day I will heal. But I'll do it on my own time and I'm not going to worry about what others think of me. I don't need them.

[@sarah.j.777]

I'm naturally quiet which makes people think they can disrespect me but I correct them on that. And I'm not changing myself for anyone.

[@Murgatroyd1.0-yy2fz]

Same

[@chelseamiracle128]

This is also me. I’m not as spineless as I appear! I’m quite observant, I know how to call people out to their core. I see through them.

[@madameblackimusprime]

Same issue here. The most valuable thing Ive learned is that not everything requires a response. Barring things dangerous and potentially escalating, Sometimes I just won't respond to idiotic things said to me and Ill let them decide if whatever they said hung stupidly enough in the air.

[@fatherburning358]

Our cptsd heightened awareness that once overwhelmed us is now an instrument of inner strength and resilience. I can see through the behaviour of others, I am aware of their 'why', and if it's crossing the line, if it's an attempt at harming me in some way, we'll, cold silence with eye contact or some well chosen words tend to stop that shit rather well. Perplexes me why some just can't accept meeting nice friendly people, they have to play power dominance games. I know it's their fear but geez it can be tiring. I'm 6'2 and 125kg, so that can be intimidating obviously but I don't use it to be. Teddy bear 🤦😂

[@Gabrielle-Z]

Same here, quiet and introverted by nature but will speak up for myself when people try to push me around, I don't let people cross my boundaries, I am never aggressive and never need to shout but when I bite people are surprised when I firmly stand up for myself, they don't expect it!

[@erinm3567]

I'm not ready for this video. At 40 I just realized my Dad is a narcissist and I've been the scapegoat all these years. Personally I don't care if people don't like my energy. I don't like their judgement of my energy.

[@charlottetaylor4471]

Decent people will not judge you for having low self-esteem ❤️

[@saraemily7397]

Exactly. This video is invalidating and stupid.

[@daniiiiiiii5705]

hahaha i like that mentality. “i dont care if people dont like my energy… well i dont like your judgement.” flaw proof.

[@arkoarko9559]

Maybe your Energy is Trash. And ofcourse, why would YOU care.... heh

[@jacobsmart4186]

@@arkoarko9559you belong here

[@murielfinster3758]

Sometimes when I'm very obviously going into deregulation I'll chant to myself, Stay in the front of your brain! And sometimes it helps me to get a grip on myself enough to manage the situation. A modicum of success. I'm owning that.

[@gertrudewest4535]

I say something similar to myself, too!

[@smileyface702]

Interesting word choice.

[@aprildonnelly4042]

What are the signs that tell you you’re going into dysregulation? I’m not sure I pick up on it other than in hindsight. I do notice sometimes when I’m spinning/derealizing/depersonalising but it’s too late and I’m in it by then. By then it’s unrealistic for me to think I’m going to implement strategies at that point. So I’d be interested to know if there are early signs that you pick up on.

[@5gx673]

I like it!!

[@theinnerworkclub6060]

Very cool!

[@rjc7289]

It's like others have a sixth sense for detecting that all is not well in my world, and they can't get away from me fast enough! I don't expect anyone to want to take the time to get to know me and spend quality time with me. My default position is to expect nothing but rejection and dismissal, and I just kind of silently and solemnly accept it and deal with it.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

We absolutely understand. Trauma-driven thinking can be discouraging. But never forget: Healing is possible! Daily Practice (a free course) can be a good first step. If you want to go deeper, Anna has a whole course on Healing Childhood PTSD. Free Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Healing CPTSD course: bit.ly/CCF_HCPTSD Nika@TeamFairy

[@lynndupree1205]

My healing came in my early twenties (I'm 70 now), after a terrible childhood and chaotic teen years. One day, I happened to notice a fashion magazine, of all things, that featured on the cover a girl who looked somewhat like me. Something just clicked in my brain at that moment, and a plan occured to me. I would shed my dowdy wardrobe and shop for some fashionable clothes. It was a small thing, but change began there with that magazine photo. Many years later I see my life as a series of small changes that all helped me heal. To those suffering low self esteem I say: Find one thing that you do well. It could be something as small as cooking a great meal, but it must be something you truly enjoy. Focus on that thing and keep practicing until you become really good at it. This will build your confidence, and then you can begin sharing your expertise with others. Nothing works to build self esteem better than working toward a goal and succeeding. I hope this helps someone.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for sharing your insight with us! Nika@TeamFairy

[@LinF299]

Great advice, thank you!

[@marijajanicijevic8211]

I know working on my bachelor's degree helped me keep off the negative emotions as I got prize for it, so I can attest it works.

[@ShekinahGwaii]

I was a career woman running teams of people, 3 degrees, caring husband... the outside was a picture of success, but the neuro side of the trauma kept rearing its head and took it all. I spent years as a homeless vet. Even doctors wouldn't listen, it took 23 years to get where I am today 😢😮😂🎉❤

[@christinabranton5276]

Thank you so much for your words xxx

[@Areutherehello]

My being down about myself more often than I thought pushed people away. I was always told, "You are always so negative." "You are always putting yourself down." It also made me an easy mark for people that wanted to take advantage of me.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I hear you. If you haven't already, try Anna's Daily Practice. It is the technique that led to Anna’s own healing, and she uses it to this day. bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy

[@autumnzephyr]

I'm sorry that was your experience. 🫂 I have said the same things to my partner, and I know he struggles with low self-esteem, as do I. Truth be told, it feels like a lifelong process of rooting out the negative thoughts we tell ourselves that perpetuate a negative mindset. I thought about writing more, but I didn't want your comment to become a dumping ground for my feelings. I just want you to know that I have been on the other side of that situation and probably on the receiving end too, though I can't remember it for sure. Your comment became a writing prompt for my journal today, so thank you. 💖

[@mzny4314]

It’s a lifelong journey as well. Stay strong!

[@catherinebirch2399]

I was told that I was negative and gave off bad vibes. I'm sure that bullying at home and.at school during my teens is responsible.

[@dionnasoares8332]

I am so sorry. I have always felt that I had some mark that people could see on my body , but I couldn't that set me apart from others. I am constantly be told that my tone is harsh , or I am too tightly strung.

[@d.l.l.6578]

What helps me: take in lots of healthy food, vitamins, nutritional powders. Stop ingesting soda, sugar, junk food. When you feel better, you act better. When I lose concentration and focus, I tell myself to just do the routine, one step at a time. You know what to do. You have a watch. You know what time it is. Start with plenty of time and put one foot in front of the other. Step 1, 2, 3, 4. Do the same routine every time. Don’t think about it, just do it. I read the Bible every morning. I won’t leave the house without reading it. The Bible is healing and protective. It also gives you a clear head about what God likes and doesn’t like. Nothing got my head together more than reading the Bible and focusing on what God likes. Avoid what he doesn’t like. Stop ingesting negative media. Horror, murder, crime, war, news, things that distress you. If you can eliminate it, eliminate it. Take in soothing sounds and ideas.

[@marygold2418]

Great routine! I do exactly all the same things you do. Time w God in the morning is very important!

[@silindi2552]

Good​@@marygold2418

[@daisybarajas23]

Time with God regulates my nervous system.. a must before starting my day in this world.

[@eyaalem7990]

What I concerning is if people use Jesus Christ as a leader then using science a tool. It’s going to be amazing.

[@enigmaticladypisces3169]

I will start back reading my Bible. Thank you.

[@dakshcommunications4437]

But what do you do if even at the age of 45 you still are socially awkward and you feel like you are all alone

[@j_fitzu]

47 here. And I'm both of these things.

[@Greenawareness188]

Me too

[@billking2896]

What if you're seventy??

[@mormegil84]

39 here and you are not alone. 👍

[@terenceoneill4905]

this had been a major struggle. i had a resting angry face. for good reason, considering the massive bullying by peers and even within my own family-mobbing against the scapegoat. easy to be on edge and have trouble trusting. this translates to closed off body language and an angry face. boy, people do not respond well to that. the speed with which someone would crinkle their face after looking at me in contempt, and maybe make a comment that i was a jerk. before even knowing me, before i'd say a word, they interpreted me as hating them and reflected it back. but i didn't hate them. it was automatic, it felt normal for me. people do judge by first impressions, and here it was difficult to get past this response, and push myself to convey more friendly feelings, because they were already dismissive. the sad irony is this: had they looked into my mind and saw the inner truth, do you know what would really be there? self consciousness. fear of being disliked in the present and future, intense indescribable grief at cruel treatment and rejection in the past. intense fear and feeling like it''s not safe to trust and be vulnerable. a strong capacity for empathy for others, and a strong sense of justice, for i feel deeply for those wo are bullied as i was. an admiration and desire to engage in humanitarian causes. the truth: a harsh, somber exterior masking a grieving but also hopeful soul. what looks like a cold blooded demon is actually a wounded angel. conveying it however, can be difficult. getting past the default requires practicing smiling, doing things to make myself laugh, to relax the body and mind, the inner work to find a sense of peace in myself and then effectively convey that. so that first layer will not drive them away, and they have a chance to see the real me underneath.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks so much for sharing! You might also like Daily Practice to calm your mind and body: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy

[@conniegodar8146]

This also can be a great way to sort of the superficial jerks that don't deserve your friendship anyway though. Bullies are the jerks.

[@TheHarlotsHaven]

Thank you for sharing that! 😊😢❤

[@mckady4869]

I can relate to this.

[@skyguard7109]

Wow. You just described me.

[@cindihunter9119]

God, is there ever an END? There seems to always be some past trauma, that shows up... I'm so over it! 😮

[@blubayou4654]

I feel you😢❤❤❤me too

[@vodkavuitton]

People who get up everyday with you on their agenda have severe trauma that they will unfortunately never END. Help them keep that light where they crave it the most, on themselves ✌🏽 not ya problem

[@bingbangbong3159]

Your communication skills are really high quality

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks.

[@kimlloyd1904]

It's the over confident people I'm more likely to disrespect. People who are dismissive of those with low self esteem have little understanding of human nature and are probably cold.

[@mereditharmstrong9054]

Well I recently learned that people who have been abused by narcissists often become agoraphobic, and this was definitely true for me after moving away from narcissistic parents. My late teens and twenties really sucked. Leaving the house without anxiety-still, decades later, is a major, ongoing goal for me.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Very interesting. Thank you for sharing with us. Nika@TeamFairy

[@somer0703]

That is crazy, when i was with the father of my kids (he wasn't good to us) I got agoraphobia out of nowhere. It lasted years!! I still get the thoughts but I can over come it. Mad! 😮

[@artgirlmermaid]

You are such a compassionate, tireless worker for individual healing and mental/emotional health. I love how you break everything down into small bite-sized, managable pieces that can be looked at, considered and a plan enacted to calm the reactive nervous system down to level out and not spin out of control and being at the mercy of our trauma and wounds. KEEP DOING YOUR VIDEOS!!!! You are a God-send to people who can not afford the luxury of one-on-one counseling and therapy.

[@daisyviluck7932]

Or who can’t find a wise one

[@peterbelanger4094]

I'm starting to find this frustrating. All I do is watch videos. My life is such, I am pretty much hermit, and this sort of stuff is all that there is. To be honest, It's not working for me. Staring at a video screen, or reading text does not provide the human connection I know I need. but it seems our society has changed so much, many of us are at a loss for where to go or what to do for actual in person contact with others. Society has become so disconnected and atomized, most of us just staring at video screens, or reading text, trying to pretend we are with a human. I feel trapped in this digital void, alone. But going out int he world again, and dealing with all of that, alone, is too much. things are just not good out there anymore. ...sigh. Just a face on a video screen, unable to interact. Just more tv. bla, bla, means nothing to me if it's not coming from another human in the room with me.

[@MarkBloom-r1z]

One of the best books I ever read opened with a passage something like: The answer is not in this book. The answer is already inside of you. Stop looking for the answer where it is not. We are all damaged in the context of our interpersonal relationships. That is also where our healing lies. No amount of positive videos will substitute effectively for actual humans in your life. I know it sounds impossible. But it's what we have to do to heal. Identify and bond with healthy people. There is no other way.

[@xTenshiAi]

@@peterbelanger4094 You should find an in person therapist

[@carole9409]

WISDOM! ❤❤❤

[@helhelhelhelhel]

how is it that this channel seems to always know exactly what i'm feeling?

[@justdawndb]

Because you found your people ❤

[@buckybuckybeaver]

2:42 This is so me! When I'm uncomfortable i also do this meaningless babble and I often wonder why?

[@bfcfan2739]

I’m not sure if I suffered neglect as a small child but what I do know is that my mother was emotionally cold and that I’ve experienced anxiety and low self esteem my whole life . My sister suffers the same and my brother took his life . Often feel anxious in social situations and have self sabotaged in jobs and relationships. I’m nearly 60 and only now considering counselling. Listening to your videos helps me to understand some of the feelings that I have and responses I make in different situations. Thank you.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

So sorry for all you've been through. I'm glad you're here!

[@projectacuhope]

It's very sad. The unhealed wounds of our parents are passed on. See those unhealed wounds for what they are and work on. your own healing. In your parents generation, it was probably normal to internalize the wounds and soldier on with the obligations of life, blind to the effect of how those unhealed wounds were hurting others.

[@nancybartley4610]

@bfcfan2739 You are describing Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN). It is a serious problem because it isn't obvious. If you were fed, clothed, educated, you assumed you had all your needs(outer world needs) met when in fact equally important needs fall under the heading of emotional needs (inner world needs). Meeting emotional needs means you were seen and validated as mattering for who you are. You were listened to. Your input on what happened to you mattered. It does not mean you were catered to and every desire, whim responded to. For example, you come home from school. No one asks you how your day was. They never ask you how your day was. You don't even know you could have something you need to discuss about what your daily experiences are like. It isn't that whatever happened at school is a big thing. It is that you never learn how to process life in relationship to who you are. You could even be in the wrong about what happened at school. If you didn't have an adult who realized their job ( a response that comes out of a deep interest in you) is to help you learn to negotiate life's every day occurrences, to put them into perspective, to learn how to categorize and respond, to self-soothe, how to deal with conflict, to realize what is worth a response and what isn't, etc., etc., how do you develop the skills and resiliency to deal with adult life when it gets a lot more complicated? More importantly, how do you realize you matter if your parent acts as if you don't matter? CEN is only now being recognized as an important factor in our development. It doesn't mean your parent didn't love you. However, it sure leaves you wondering if you were loved and in some of our situations, it suggests we were more of a burden to our parents than someone dearly treasured. We were burden obligations. Our parents, in taking care of the basics of food (the outer world), etc. felt they were doing right. I am grateful that they fulfilled that component of their responsibility to me, I needed someone to be interested in my inner world. They thought taking care of my outer world was enough. It wasn't. I have not been able to determine if my parents were just ignorant (emotionally immature) about children and their emotional development but loved me or if they were just operating off an obligation society taught them they had. In the latter situation, such parents probably reveal their true feelings about their children when the kids are adults.

[@user_f1]

Ok that sounds like I’ve def been affected by CEN.

[@user_f1]

It just seems very hard to diagnose bc most ppl can’t even remember their childhood that well. And then if u bring it up to ur parents they migh argue against it and say they did take Care of u etc. But if ur parents had a tough childhood with neglect and didn’t do anything to heal u can be almost certain they will also neglect u in some form. It almost seems to me like all of us are neglected to some degree bc humanity is just so deeply traumatised … might be a distorted perception of mine, not sure. I just feel like the depths of my feelings can never be truly seen and understood by others and thus a part of me always remains hidden and this is probably the greatest reason for my loneliness.

[@LaCurlySue562]

Wow!!!! I just KNEW that my inability to get ANYWHERE on time, despite my heart's desire to do so wasn't just me being whatever you call folk like me. The stress EVERY SINGLE DAY to get to work, to get to church, to get to a family member's house, a party, etc. Every single time. 😫😭 I knew there had to be more to it. I know I have CPTSD, there's no doubt in my mind. It's an exhaustingly overwhelming existence, I tell ya! 37 and working towards getting better as much as I can bring myself to do, with the Lord's help. My prayers for everyone in the same boat. I know not everyone believes, but, I do- I keep reminding myself that Jesus is the Captain of my boat and I need not be afraid, or fear, for He is in control and I can trust Him to heal all of my wounds and grant me His peace that surpasses all understanding. ❤

[@BarbaraM-lv7pe]

It could be ADHD

[@LaCurlySue562]

@@BarbaraM-lv7pe 🤔Interesting... I've never gotten that from anyone.

[@onetuliptree]

It's amazing and you can heal this, so it isn't emotion (stress) making you always late, but rational (decisions) so you can show up on time. It's hard work to plan everything out ahead of time, and stick to the plan, but it's good work.

[@GlasPthalocyanine]

Right on time! Although other people shouldn't hold the key to our self esteem, i think it's a measure of healing when we are strong enough to genuinely help someone else who really needs it. There's a lot of cycles that needed breaking in our family. I was able to bring up one of my grandchildren. My health let me down and a younger grandchild disappeared into the care system. That's been my shame for many years. I felt helpless and worthless, like the child I used to be. She's still in care but she reached out to me yesterday and this changes everything. We've been talking for hours. She's an amazing person. There's not much an old disabled lady can do, but I can support her emotionally and that seems to be everything she needs, right now. My mind feels so much clearer. I've noticed that I'm suddely more upright, and even breathing differently.

[@KS-jj4ob]

❤❤❤❤❤

[@LaCurlySue562]

I'm so happy for you both!!!!! ❤ I can only imagine what it means to her, as much as I can tell it means to you! Sending love to you both. You did what you could! No shame in that!

[@GlasPthalocyanine]

@@LaCurlySue562 thanks so much for your kind words. She now has brothers and sisters to get to know. It's been difficult for them too, because they weren't sure if she knew they existed. We're all feeling much lighter now. I think those of us healing from CPTSD know how consuming that feeling that we didn't deserve happiness can be. Today I'm going to ask if she wants something knitting.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

You did a great job and I can sense a lot of warmth in your words towards your grandchild. Thank you for sharing this with us! Nika@TeamFairy

[@LaCurlySue562]

@@GlasPthalocyanine Be patient and ENJOY, ENJOY, ENJOY! 🥰 Sending love!!! 💛

[@leighannenight]

Something that happens even more for me that I believe is related to CPSD or possibly undiagnosed neurodivergence, is that I will be feeling perfectly fine and comfortable in a social situation and someone will impose their idea that I am in distress. They will aske if I'm okay and continuously press me on it even after I've expressed that I feel fine comfortable (and I really do feel comfortable). Sometimes this can lead me to feeling confused and insecure.

[@Marta-lh7is]

Yes, my doctor does this to me- I think I am managing (chemo) stress ok, and he tells me that I seem anxious. But maybe I am putting out signs (I may not think I am) during an appointment and maybe he is sensitive and picking up on non verbals. It does make me feel ashamed: I think I am presenting as together and composed, (which I try very hard to project), yet someone comments on my nervousness. Ugh.

[@mb19873]

I am starting to see how traumatized I have been and how it arises in conversations and interactions with others.

[@thaliakate444]

I get that. Not as much nowadays, but when I was younger it happened a lot. In the end, I’d think I’d be just fine if you’d stop asking if I’m ok and because you don’t stop, I’m definitely not ok now. I’d just tell someone straight to drop it nowadays, but it rarely if ever happens now.

[@davidsalo8397]

This could be a narcissistic tactic to drive you into a downward spiral. They want to learn what your weak points are so they can exploit you. The need to do this shows us how distorted they are. Keep away from them!

[@AgeoftheAquarius]

This would happen to me ALL the time. Wowww

[@DaniefromCanada]

The crazy thing about people is they will sense a person has low self esteem or hs been abused (dog example) and then decide to hurt that person further. They figure, perfect, someone I can victimize! People are cruel.

[@annaconda76]

A sad and true fact of life.

[@haleym618]

I. Have. Never. Felt. So. Seen. Wow. I have literally been called the “dark cloud” by my family all throughout my childhood into my teens and now into my adulthood. The scary thing is, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve gotten better at faking it. I can remember vivid moments of just wanting to cry or scream, or feeling extremely insecure, but because I was surrounded by people, my family usually, I had to act “okay” and “happy” so that I was “pleasant” to be around. When all I wanted to do was cry and be held. I wish I could just go back and let myself cry in those moments, and ask for a hug. But I just never felt safe to do that with any of my parents or siblings. As I’ve gotten older, I cry so easily now. At a video, or story. And I realized it’s cuz I’ve never really let myself cry and feel any “negative” emotions. I always felt so much shame and guilt for ever feeling negative. But now that I’m older, I can’t really hold it in anymore and I’ve been forced to cry and “let it out” when these emotions have come up. And it’s been extremely healing. And I will continue to do it. What I really need to work on, is just simply telling people when I’m getting emotional flashbacks or having negative emotions arise, and that I just need to step aside for a few moments and let myself feel it and then I’ll be good. It takes SOOO much more effort to “pretend” like I’m okay, when I could just take a few moments to feel whatever it is I’m feeling and let it pass and then I’m seriously fine. It’s amazing what “feeling your emotions” can do.

[@5gx673]

Glad for your healing!