Growing Up in Survival Mode Makes It Hard to See Choices

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People who grew up poor want the same good things in life as anyone else, but if you grew up with parents who were dysfunctional or neglectful, you may not have been shown how a person can use their talents to earn a decent living. Left to figure out everything by yourself, you may have ended up with poverty thinking, hoping a lottery ticket or lawsuit would finally take away the financial strain in your life, instead of learning skills and meeting people who might help you find fulfilling work that supports you. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who has reached for a better life for years, but now feels stuck with children and a job that keeps her from the work she loves.
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[@OfTHESnakeholeLounge]

Omg yesss!!! This is one of my biggest complaints. My parents separated when I was young and we grew up pretty poor with a single mother. It seemed like everyone told me what I HAD to do with my life but never taught me HOW to do anything to achieve those goals. I failed at almost everything I tried, and as soon as I blindly tried and wasn’t perfect my parents would scold me and put me down. Eventually making me feel like what’s the point in trying if I don’t learn more first. I kept waiting for some magical age when I would have this wisdom on how to do everything needed to be a successful adult. How to take out a loan and buy a house, how to buy a car, how to manage debt , how to buy insurance, how to get a job, understanding benefits from your job, understanding your retirement plan or 401k etc. etc. 😰😰

[@Di-Pi]

My story too

[@OfTHESnakeholeLounge]

@@dnk1870 I entered my 20s as a functional stoner. It became a way for me to comfortably dissociate. Now 15 years later it’s a necessity to dissociate and feel “normal”. And while I have learned a lot in the last 15-17 years, I still only feel as prepared as I should have been at 17.

[@OfTHESnakeholeLounge]

I dropped out of college too, basically for the same reasons… I never thought I would be able to afford college so I never really tried very hard in High School unless I enjoyed the subject. Then suddenly my senior year my mom forced me to apply to a large university that I was completely unprepared for. I was able to narrowly get in, with some letters of recommendation and good test scores. But then I was pressured to take as many credits as possible in order to maximize the financial aid I would receive. Ended up being totally overwhelmed and failing half my classes from having an overloaded schedule. Dropped out halfway through the first year. However, in retrospect I’m glad I didn’t finish college. I didn’t need it and I’m really glad I didn’t sink myself into massive debt to find that out.

[@jenniferbond5771]

😢. I didn't realize.

[@madnessintomagic]

OMG all of this. I especially loved being repeatedly blamed for my failures by the people who did jack squat to guide me. hahahah

[@youflatscreentube]

This quote nailed it for me: “I wasn’t raised to know that.” That said so much to me, it put words to a void.

[@PrecociousFriand]

It's not even a lack of financial stability, it's a lack of emotional stability. I think they are interchangeable because the outcome is the same - reaching adulthood and living in constant survival mode with no real sense of security. Both are worse. My parents were so caught up in their rocky, utterly dysfunctional relationship or lack of it and regrets over it that our well-being was kind of forgotten and I never even got a sit down talk on choosing a viable career. Still in survival mode to this day.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Yes, you're right.

[@Advanced1234]

I can't stop being angry that both my traumatized addict parents thought that it would be a good idea to bring innocent children into the world into their chaos. If anyone has any tips on forgiveness please share. I made the decision not to have children and so did my brother.

[@lisamurphy3291]

@@Advanced1234 I am very sorry you lived a chaotic childhood. I can relate and I have a few comments to share. It sounds to me like you were expecting rational decision-making (about having children) from irrational people. You have the right, of course, to feel angry about the injustice of being put in that situation, but knowing irrational people don't make good decisions may be the starting point for forgiveness. It sounds like your parents weren't capable of making healthy decisions. How were they "traumatized?" Knowing their life experiences, and how these shaped them, may help you to develop empathy for the struggles they faced and the people they became. Hopefully, you have adapted better to life's challenges than your parents did. Consider being grateful for that. The fact that you can see things more clearly than your parents did is the place you can draw strength from to offer forgiveness. I understand your decision not to have children. I can relate. It occurred to me that I had "protected my children into nonexistence." It is sad. Not much I can do about that now. If I had the clarity I have now, but 20 years ago, I might have been able to change course on that, but I didn't. I try to make the best of where I am at presently. Faith makes a huge difference too. Please keep working toward forgiveness. It will, ultimately, help to heal your brokenness...and, potentially, theirs. Best of luck. ❤🍀🤗

[@Judith-b3t]

​@@Advanced1234My tip on forgiveness is to make the decision to forgive and ask God to help you. God is real and He wants to have a relationship with you. Your life will never be the same but ultimately better. In Jesus name.

[@AlliannaFitness]

Doesn't lack of money cause emotional turmoil, always in Survival Mode is highly depressing/ stressful I find.

[@mysticpizza02]

Too busy surviving, to think of the future :(

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I hope this rough time gets easier for you. Hang in there!

[@CC-ed7od]

Just hang in there and keep on keeping on 💓

[@stefaniamirri1112]

It is way more common than what people think

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

I can relate ..

[@michellegirau8136]

Sometimes we have to do what we have to for the time being. And later do other things. Too bad some people do not understand that.

[@DebbieHollandNZ]

I too had the Crappy Childhood and grew up in poverty neglect and lack and here I am in my 60's and I still feel I always just get by but never flourish financially. I keep feeling that it has a lot to do with my CPTSD but cant figure it out. Maybe you could do a video about our limited thinking and voices in our heads that KEEP us in that small world we grew up in.

[@snu3877]

I grew up poor and on welfare, etc., and honestly, the only reason I am financially comfortable today at 58 is because at 18, I married somebody ten years older than I who was from a professional, upper middle class family. Even though I graduated from a prestigious women's college and also got my law degree, I honestly never figured out "the job thing" and decided to stay home to raise my two daughters. My husband just retired from a very successful law career. I must admit that I feel like a loser, knowing that whatever I got in life is ultimately due to him. My parents never talked to us about work, careers, etc.

[@DebbieHollandNZ]

@@snu3877 I think the most amazing thing we can ever do is raise healthy happy children who are good people and contribute to society. I feel I have done that and you also. Be proud of that. Its a little sad you never got to use your Law Degree but I am sure your "smarts" made you an excellent wife and mother. Its still not too late to do something even if it is just on a voluntary basis. That or enjoy your retirement with your husband xxx

[@snu3877]

@@DebbieHollandNZ I know you are right. After I left my comment, I reminded myself that I can always be very proud of the fact that I was a very devoted mother, and yes, I have often thought of the good I was able to do simply in being a well-rounded educated mother. My daughters are now 28 and 26. The 28 year old is married and just moved out into her own house (with her husband) after 6 years of living here and not wanting to give up childhood, basically. My 26 year old is autistic but doing so well, working part time, driving, owning her own car, etc. I really need to figure out how I want to live the rest of my life. I have no sense of self or what I want to do. I don't have a good marriage, but we are civil and we get by.

[@DebbieHollandNZ]

@@snu3877 YES you have done tremendously well x I have a niece who is high functioning and autistic you can be SO proud that you have raised her to be living a normal happy life. Now it's time to take care of yourself. Go with whatever you love and invest into it. Reading - a book club, Art & Craft join a class, With your legal background you could volunteer with Citizens Advice bureau and many other charitable groups. Maybe just meet up with a few girlfriends and find things to support and help with. If your marriage is not great then build a life outside of it that brings you Joy. Strangely Joy comes when we serve others not ourselves. And you will meet new people xxx Big Hug from a sister in NZ

[@snu3877]

@@DebbieHollandNZ Thank you so much for caring to respond. It means so much to me.

[@ir9567]

Forties is the BEST for us damaged folks. We must remember to not compare each other to our compatriots because they have not lived our life. I know, it's HARD to do.

[@devilsoffspring5519]

Being in your 40s, you mean? Sorry but that's pretty shitty for most people.

[@LOVE_ALL_AROUND]

Growing up with a mom on welfare and loads of trauma in the house I get it. In my career 25 plus years with ups and downs. At 55 I started over completely, financially. Bachelors, Masters and loads of student loan debt. I live alone with a dog and super independent so I always have the drive to overcome adversity. I will be 57 next year and making great strides. Wishing Samantha the best!!!!

[@KerryDSC]

this hit home so hard. the experience my brother and I had was completely different. we had the same parents but our father shaped and moulded him , and gave him the guidance and tools to have a successful adult life, financially etc. Unfortunately I wasn't treated in the same manor, I wasn't taught any of those crucial skills and I instead severely abused especially during the most important developmental years of early childhood. I was robbed honestly, I struggle so hard for everything in my life and often think about this very thing on a daily basis. I am in my 40's and I feel like I have been "left behind" compared to my age group. my brother is two years older than me but he struggles to understand why I've had such a difficult experience within my life. I feel like I have so much to give the world but in many ways I've fallen short due to the trauma and survival mode.

[@APTTMH07]

I completely understand this, and I deeply empathize. I had the same kind of background and struggle every day to feel functional with the rest of the world. Wishing you peace and joy, and the love to know you are enough. ❤

[@Cletus_the_Elder]

I absolutely understand that feeling of being left behind. For me, it's not just a feeling. It is the reality of a life standing still, stagnant. I live it in my waking hours, and I have nightmares of it, returning to my old college apartment again or working for my first awful boss in my dreams.

[@hommy1614]

A stable postal job (great benefits) is nothing to be ashamed of or regretful about. The feelings of continual insecurity, when you are raised in poverty and insecurity, are challenging but do not have to define you as an adult. You sound as if you are living a healthy, productive, intentional life, Anna! Your children are blessed to see an example of such a dedicated and hardworking mother! 👏

[@missyk1477]

I can relate to Samantha! I had similar family and similar experiences. Go to college, go to college...yet I had NO guidance on how to do that. Many years passed, along with a variety of jobs. Decided at the age of 40 to go back to school to be a nurse, which is a far cry from the commercial art I wanted to go to college for in my high school years. Ended up have to leave nursing school due to a major life changing event. Long story short, I'm 50 now. I bought a farm almost 900 miles from where I grew up/lived all my life. I work the farm, and I have a small online business that is non-farm related. I LOVE my farm, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. With that said, it is A LOT of work. A LOT of trial and error. And its not very profitable...which is why I work an online business. Life is good now, but it was a very long, rocky, and difficult road to get here. Appreciate your journey because it will make arriving at your destination much more sweeter.

[@1HorseOpenSlay]

My childhood was so weird. My family owned several fully paid for apartment buildings. Despite this, we had no food, dental or medical care. All I ever heard was how poor we were. It wasn't until I eas older that I realized we wearnt poor at all. I didn't get to eat at home or even at school because I did not qualify for free lunch. Finally I ran away and would get food that people left on outdoor restaurant tables. I still struggle. Just lost my job last month. Back to zero again. Back to being hungry. Its just so rediculous.

[@jasonfitzpatrick414]

Just get a fun job around people. Restaurant job. That's what I do. Not much money I may have to move on or take another position but fun place and I leave work at work. Some good people and a few slackers but the social network is fun. It might help you for a while, then make a plan and take small steps to go after dreams. Good luck to you.

[@fireflyflyhigh]

🤍

[@1HorseOpenSlay]

@@jasonfitzpatrick414 thanks. I was working as a CNA in a house with psychiatric patients and girls who had committed violence crimes that could not be in the general public. A restaurant would be a nice break!

[@lisamurphy3291]

Hugs. So sorry to hear of this neglect and deceit. Sounds as though you have been resourceful in surviving. Good for you. 😊Many towns have food pantries and shelters, so I hope that you can avail yourself of these resources. That CNA job sounds like it was a tough gig. Perhaps you can use your certification to get a job at a facility that is less stressful? Yes, a restaurant gig might be a nice change. Anyway, just reaching out to say hi and hang in there. You have the inner strength needed to keep pushing forward and building a good life for yourself. May God bless you and give you His peace. ❤😻

[@snu3877]

I have to ask because I am so curious: what on earth did your parents do with their $? It's a shame they didn't take better care of their children. People sure are puzzling.

[@kerryharvey6365]

Definitely do some volunteering at somebody else's farm and get a real feel for the life you think you want. There are NO days off on a farm, especially if you have animals. A lot of people romanticize farm life and it can be super rewarding but it is really hard, constant work. Find farmers in your area that you can learn from so that when it's more available for you to get started you will already have a support community and people to ask questions of and for help. There's a really great homesteading channel here on YT called Roots and Refuge. Jess that runs that channel has a great saying of 'turning your waiting room into your classroom'. Check her out -- she is a lovely person and has some great content. You can probably find some more channels that are in whatever your growing zone might be to give you an idea of what your year round workload might look like.

[@annasluka6708]

Small scale farmer here. We always need help. We may not have money to pay a farm hand, but many of us can barter. My husband and I enjoy sharing the bounty with others who share their time or talent with our farm. If a person can shift away from a money only = success mindset, the possibilities open up. A full freezer/pantry is better than money in the bank. Samantha could begin reaching out to farmers and being open to what they can teach her. It takes years- no quick money makers in this lifeatyle...but if a person enjoys the work, they it is a wonderful life to share with others.

[@melissaj6386]

Anna & Samantha - wow. This one hit me in thr feels. I related so much to this one, especially being the little kid who was told that her dream job (artist) was only suitable for a hobby. It's a core memory for me because I remember the feeling of my dreams utterly deflating in an instant. My mother came from poverty and was an overspender / shopper with a "come what may" attitude & I developed similar tendencies. I am 54 now (44 years later) and am in the middle of overcoming an addiction (like Samantha's dear aunt) and am also facing huge financial messes of my own making, due to under-earning & lack of planning. The good news now is that I'm sober & have the dedication to see this through. I know that I can't thrive in the corporate administrative jobs that have been my bread-and-butter since I left home at 18. I am beyond grateful to find some free therapy in Anna's work. Samantha, I am visualizing you on your land, working the soil, talking to the flowers, chatting with the chickens, and basking in the peace you deserve. ❤️ Let's do this!!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for your comment. Congratulations on your soberity! And thank you so much for the encouragement to the letter-writer. Nika@TeamFairy

[@geraldinegranger9186]

I was able to get out of the material and emotional poverty of my childhood, but it took a lot of time. I didn’t know how to apply for colleges and didn’t have any goals except survival so I got a late start. Things are good now, but my parents are aging and expecting my help. Although we have a distant relationship, I do want to provide some type of help in their declining years (for me, not them) but I find myself terrified that they will somehow drag me back to our former family chaos and destitution. I don’t even think that’s rational, but I can’t shake this feeling of impending doom.

[@annemurphy8074]

Pay attention to that feeling of impending doom, it is a messenger. You did the very hard work to get out of that family system of emotional and material poverty. If your parents refuse to help themselves or just expect you to help them, how is that helpful for you? You can't help people by jumping into the quicksand with them. If you try to help them because of "shouldisms", at your own expense, this could go very bad for everyone. You're not being mean by keeping yourself and everything you worked so hard for, safe. If you are going to try to help, be very, very clear about what you can actually offer, know your limitations and stick to them, hard.

[@annklonl5207]

I concur with Anne. Do not Do anything that you are not ready to do. Your parents' fate is of their own doing. You are not responsible for them. If you really feel you need to help them, then maybe you can find something that does not drag you in emotionally. I am thinking of something like paying their weekly shopping for them without going to buy it yourself and bring it to them, or finding and paying for a person to look after them once a week, that helps them with home cleaning, minor repairs, dealing with their mail, an occasional lift to their doctors. Anything that does not Dragees you into their Personal and emotional Drama, from which you have Liften yourself through determination and hard work.

[@annemurphy8074]

@@annklonl5207 Well said, those are all very good ideas, practical and not too self extending. I remember when I first tried having boundaries with toxic family members, it a was big fail.

[@lindamoss4305]

I'm an elderly mom dealing with grown narcissistic kids. I say keep it a clean cut away from them! I don't expect them to help me with my problems, they just keep taking from me! Soon I won't have anything left to care for myself! 😕Check out Dr Sherrie Campbell's book, But It's Your Family...cutting ties with toxic family members and loving yourself.

[@Thegritmom]

"Don't give up... 40 is a good age.. now you have your wisdom... I want you to do this ."😊❤ love the fairy..

[@devilsoffspring5519]

Fuck wisdom, I'd rather have youth. Same as ~100% of the rest of the human species.

[@blackhagalaz]

I had a burnout this year and went to a clinic for 8 weeks. There I have learned a lot about my past traumas. One of them definately was growing up poor, and to fend for myself in school into higher education. My parents where seperated and my dad didnt pay my mom enough child support. He tried to get custoty of me, but not my sister, which of course made for huge family drama. On the other hand my mom was to proud to demand the money he owed, and asked my grandparents instead. She also didnt take much help from the system because she was afraid of it. My mom really had a "I can do it on my own" mentality so we kids kinda had to be independent too, while my dad was to petty/ignorant to step up. Today Id say my parents where both pretty childish in their behaviours and still are. So I had to take care of my younger sister, I cooked and cleaned and was responsible for my own education because I couldnt ask my mom for help. I developed severe impostor syndrome and due to my mental health issues (Depression and OCD) I terminated my first aprentiseship after one year. When I went out to study this was a whole new planet, I had no Idea how to get into university. Somehow I made it though. But the very first year I started my studies my grandma got cancer and my mom broke her foot. So I ended up living with both of them, taking care of everything during the day, and writing my papers in the evening hours. Also because I didnt get any financial support for my studies, I needed to take a job. For a few years that went well. When I met my husband and moved in with him we got a problem a year later when a mega-construction-side started next to our building. The noise went on every day for 12 hours, 6 days a week. So we searched for an apartment for over a year, while being absolutely mentally drained. By the time we found something I decided to terminate my studies too, because my chances of a future in the field where slim anyway (Archaeology), and we needed the money for a new apartment. So I got the chance to work at the side gig I worked during my studies. I never finised any degree and worked with a salary contract for another 4 years. I did quite a lot of different task at my job, that where not part of my contract. It was way to much while dealing with my depression and spending 2-3 hours a day with my compulsions (Washing OCD). With all of that I had 10-12 hour days. This year I just broke down, and I had serious self harm thought because i was on sick leave. My trauma is that not working your but of makes you a bad person, and worthless. So I had physical pain in the first few days because I was so stressed. After several months and the clinic I finally started to come down, but I still feel worthless. I know I am not ready to go back to work, and I filed for a rehabilitation program while also searching for a new therapist. But nothing until now. The thing is I still feel that I dont deserve to be at home now, that I dont deserve to get this rehabilitation and maybe have a chance on a new career and help from others. The impostor syndrome is just so strong. Now I am also facing my inlaws being terminally ill, and I need to take care of them too. Finally when I thought I could maybe just concentrate on my own future for once. I just dont know what to do at the moment.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for sharing your experience with us. I encourage you to try Daily Practice. It can help sort through things that feel confusing. You can try it free here: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy

[@tkohearn5645]

You write and express yourself so well! Obviously you are quite intelligent. You discuss being in clinic. I am a professor who teaches writing and critical thinking, had a tough childhood. Many people like you suffer because you ARE smart. I encourage you to keep writing and express your thoughts. This seems to be your gift and ability!

[@susanpendell4215]

Ever the care giver, but never being shown how to care for yourself. I hear that loud and clear.

[@blackhagalaz]

@@tkohearn5645 Thank you so much for your kind words. Its funny that you mention writing, because I actually picked up creative writing when I was 13 to kinda cope with my inner thoughts. It was and still is a form of therapy for me. Most of it is self-taugt though I never had any proper writing classes. But in school I loved to analyze poems and books. In times where my Depression gets overwhelming I tend to write more, and as I get older, I turn to write more about how society shapes us as individuals. As I said I studied Archaeology, but another one of my subjects was Anthropology. There I learned a lot about what my own thoughts and desires where, compared to the voice of society in Our minds. During my studies I also learned to be more open about my mental health Issues, because by doing so I saw how many other students had similar problems. I even had talks with total strangers about their psyche, just because I was open about it myself. I just think its very important to keep the dialogue going in Our society about mental health.

[@blackhagalaz]

@@susanpendell4215 Yeah. There are so many of us. Sadly

[@leeboriack8054]

So true. I grew up hyper vigilant about home life, school was a haven for structure and safe predictability. My brothers are great at planning their lives, sadly I am not.

[@salmabegum21]

I want to like this 100x over. I’m a first gen child of immigrants. Currently unemployed & I’m a person with multi skills & interests & all eclectic. I realise my path is to create my own, one that hasn’t been done before. . . But also I’m trying to get a job for the stability so I can finally move out of my parents home for the first time. It’s scary, you just want someone to hold your hand & support you. An online community like this helps a little. I have my own unique story but I don’t want my life to be about the story, but a place I can have a career I enjoy, able to have my own home, a healthy marriage and family life, a social life with supportive positive friends, and to be able to give back to the world. That for me is my ultimate dream.

[@menow1650]

I was nuts, I see it now and I'm working on healing from that way of life.

[@NSEasternShoreChemist]

I think Samantha's work here as a USPS employee is worth keeping, given that it pays well and has a pension. I also think that if she wants to get into farming, that's a great idea. Why not use the postal work to save up some money to purchase some land, and set up a hobby farm? She'll need something to do post-retirement, and a hobby farm sounds like a great idea. At least, that's what one of my former professors has found.

[@bf1lv]

Growing up in a household where my parents had the survivor mindset, made me one. I'm easily one of the biggest wastes of immense human potential in history. And, I don't say that because I am lacking in confidence. I have an abundance of that. I'm just being realistic.

[@soniafaye9919]

I am also so talented and could’ve done so many different things with my life, could’ve would’ve should’ve

[@soniafaye9919]

All I mean is that I have and will mourn that loss- it’s nagging and becomes duller the more I acknowledge it. I guess it’s Shadow work (Jungian) I’m learning.. I have had so much depression in my life due to my lost potential- I’d be getting ready for retirement if it weren’t for……. I’m so sad about it, I made it my life’s goal to heal from it. So I do everything My way ( always harder and not in sequential order -even the words that pop out of my mouth can set me back. If we don’t have someone to tell us “Hey you’ll never get anywhere if you say things like that” then we’ll wonder why why why am I not getting anywhere? I’ve questioned my sanity several times, usually having no one to give me real feedback. I called a hotline once feeling near s**c1de and the nice person on the line stayed talking with me as long as I needed❤. Off topic?

[@bf1lv]

@@soniafaye9919 I can definitely relate. I was blessed with all of the essential elements that can put a person in the position to have incredible success. Tall. Good-looking. Highly intelligent. Having the survivor mindset wasted all of that. Am I successful by the generally accepted standards of success? Yes. But, I should have achieved so much more.

[@jennifernorton905]

My dad was a narcissist, and both my parents were raised in extreme poverty during the Depression. My mom remembers living in anandoned chicken houses. I'm in my 50's and Ive never been able to get out of poverty. I went to college, but nobody would help me or guide me about getting a career going. I realize now how I learned a lot beliefs about money that have worked against me. The belief that i dont deserve money or to go "beyond" my parents, lack of encouragement and support, and the lack of role models have really held me back. I have a lot of fear about eventually ending up homeless if i dont find a way to get out of poverty.

[@jasonfitzpatrick414]

Same boat for me. My college degree is not used. I'm seeing many older people just working and not getting anywhere, it is not like TV at all. I'm pretty worried about the future too. I see that I need 115000 a year now to buy a home, that ain't happening. I may have to abandon the United States to enjoy my life.

[@zofiajaneczek184]

@@jasonfitzpatrick414 yes unfortunately that’s part of it. Many people have to leave the USA or deal with the consequences of being impoverished in old age. Leaving the US is scary however the consequences of staying in a system that has high cost of living and a threadbare social system is even more frightening!

[@catherinezuklic5070]

"Really what you want is you want to do the kind of work you love" ... so probably not being a full-time mail carrier. When she was young, she really wanted to be a veterinarian, but her parents told her she could "never" do it. Later she loved having chickens and a garden .. so probably something to do with animals and nature.

[@anikalee9012]

I grew up roller coaster financial. The hardest truama I used to deal with was my NPD parents keep emphasize me I will never be able to support myself. It took me years to heal this hypothesis my parents engraved in my subconscious.

[@RomaDuneGilberto]

I don't know what State she lives in, but if her area has a 4 H club or any CSA farms she could probably volunteer or work part time at already up and running farms. And if ahe has farmers markets near her she can ask the vendors if they have jobs open maybe. It's popular in PA.

[@josephludwig1126]

I have 2 daughters, 26 21, I pray for there health and and happiness.

[@Judybloom799]

8:38 THIS!!! This was my ex. It was so frustrating to be a stay at home mother of 6 with a husband who thought like this. I started studying from home, got connected in with the right people who could mentor me.. now, 9 years later I’m in business for myself making really good money And he’s still treading water 🙁

[@333angeleyes]

This story is so relatable! Something I realized is that how those of use that grew up being emotionally neglected over romanticized love and relationships as if just meeting that one person would heal and save us. We that also grew up poor over romanticized jobs with a status title as if that would make up for our childhood of shame. I've also learned the hard way that jobs that sound nice don't always pay well and even the jobs that do pay well the money will disappear quick without my noticing if I don't have a solid plan or goal for every penny. Ultimately I think the best advice for use that grew up poor is the same advice Anna has for us that grew up emotionally neglected and are often easily limerant. That is to focus on building a happy life outside of just romantic relationships or in this case money. I've listened to so many of Anna's videos and even though she says this often it can become easily lost in all the emotionally painful things coming from the writers story so many of us miss it. Nevertheless, I agree with Anna that being overall happy gives us a level of mental and emotional balance that allows us not to become swept up in things we can't control or should avoid. When I was bouncing from job to job it was realistically because I was unhappy with my life both inside and outside of work not because of the pay.

[@aleksandratet.5532]

I'm 35 but I think that I'm coping with my life like 20 yo. I have so much to learn... thanks for this video, it really resonates with me

[@krabblerouser]

What resonates so much for me is you've got the drive to start things and try things but what's missing is how to sustain things. That's the neglect part. It's like you know to build the bridge towards success but you don't know how to build the structure that will keep it up. When Anna says do the research, she's pointing you towards building the structure, the path to success. You can do it. Keep going even when you feel frustrated and you'll get there.

[@janinespencer7169]

You are so good at what you do. I am learning so much from you. You are appreciated. 💙💙💙🦋

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I'm so glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@Tequila316]

Wisdom seems to come too late.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

It takes a lot of experience, that's for sure!

[@kikijewell2967]

As a mom, that wisdom can't be passed down. Wisdom comes only from _experience_ - and it's painful watching people learn the same lessons over and over

[@lillianbarker4292]

I think every worker is entitled to a manageable work week and salary so that they can care for their family. When I was single I didn’t mind long hours, but as a working mom, I needed more time with my child. When he was older, I was again ready to throw myself into work. I was lucky to have some control over my work time. Everyone should have that. It didn’t hurt my employer. They had a very loyal employee in me. I guess that was another world, but we should fight to get it back.

[@vtsullivan]

I looked for a secure career rather than trying to find something I loved doing... because all aspects of my childhood were without security.

[@sharonthompson672]

The trades are highly underrated btw. 👍

[@Shines-On]

I couldn’t agree more!!!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Agreed!

[@devilsoffspring5519]

They're also highly overrated. I'm a machinist. The main benefit of doing technical trades is that the work itself is almost 100% politics-free. Your "worthiness" for employment as a tradesman is almost entirely your skill and getting the work done properly--and little else. This makes trade work excellent for highly intelligent people who don't want to waste time on office politics, pecking-order related crap, or other bullshit. Problem is that the work is very repetitive, which drives bright people insane, and the pay is very low.

[@Tess.of.all.trades]

Wow, I relate SO MUCH to these stories and to SO MANY of the comments here. The only thing that has gotten me through it all has been rediscovering my creativity after suppressing it for years while trying to pursue goals, carreers, and even relationships that people told me would lead to success and financial security and a stable life... not so much. "I wasn't raised to know that" hits deep. I was raised by a single mom who got a job as a postal worker and did that for 15 years until the day she died of cancer at 56 years old... That job made her dream of finally owning her own home a reality at 50. Her life, my life, all of it, every choice, was based in survival mode. I don't want to live in survival anymore, I'm taking a chance on my passions now... as a single mom in my 30's. That's why I'm here on KZbin too. I was also raised on "Little house" as well ❤

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for sharing, I'm so glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@christinejones8654]

Something that combines gardening and teaching. Look at starting a business as an after school program about gardening.

[@breakthecycle1971]

I love your videos. On my journey at 52yrs old.👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@marymaystrali1956]

Hello Anna! I think you bought some ceramics from my shop in Plaka, Athens with your husband some years ago! So nice to see you...

[@antant4287]

I'm 55, male. Only child of a very smart and artistically talented father who grew up in WWII war zones and then got picked on here but he still managed to finish college when I was 6. And then my poor American alcoholic and mentally unstable mom (whose mom left when she was 2 and her dad left when she was 3 to go to WWII) divorced my dad, took the house he rehabbed while working FT and going to night school and she took me (neither parent was ideal but my mom definitely should not have got me- the court was completely wrong) and then his closest sister was murdered 2 years later by her boyfriend who was friendly w my dad. My dad has been quite a depressed and/ anxiety ridden person since then. My mom physically and verbally abused me. A lot. I somehow went thru the military, college, somehow survived a life of good work but never married and never had children and few close friends. I made many financial mistakes trying to "catch up" with my peers. Had I done nothing to try catch up but just put a little aside every month, Id be quite rich. As it is, Im simply "okay." Ive made many decisions in trauma and sabotaged myself. My life has been only a shell of what it could have been. I still have hope that I will figure it out one day and have a fuller-feeling life. Thank you.

[@virginialee6200]

Thank you! This was great to hear…we’re not alone and share similarities in this thing called life.

[@stewa4067]

man this hits home, thanks for sharing.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@nomansland6376]

My ex and I came from different backgrounds. She lives in constant survival mode and although I’ve had my moments, I knew how to get out of it and knew what it was like not to. Sadly, there was no way to talk with her that didn’t trigger her. Sucks.. she is such a good woman. I couldn’t follow her on the path she’s on, and she refused to trust me.

[@winterskymoonranch]

She can make a good living growing organic vegetables on a small piece of land. People will pay a subscription in order to get fresh eggs, grass fed meat, and organic vegetables, or just the veggies. Once the veggies can be harvested, people who have paid up front, get their share each week of the veggies, meat, eggs etc. She can make a good living on as little as 1 acre of land or less. She can also create a you tube channel and teach people about organic gardening, along with raising chickens, grass fed beef etc. People are begging for someone to teach these things.

[@ABritishGuyAndAFilipina]

My parents split when I was 6, grew up with Mum being very poor etc etc, I'm 53 now a recovering alcoholic nearly 2 years sober and I have given up chasing the material dream that will never be enough or will ever be satisfied with, I just want peace and serenity and be grateful with what I do have, my life hasn't even begun yet and I am retirement age in just 14 years haha.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Congratulations on your sobriety! You may like Daily Practice. It is a great way to process fears and resentment, and it can help with getting regulated by calming triggers and ultimately finding peace. Many people have benefited from this method already and we hope it will help you find serenity too! Good luck on your healing journey and keep up the great work of sobriety! Nika@TeamFairy

[@ABritishGuyAndAFilipina]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you very much for your reply, very grateful for the advice.

[@chaii_latte]

Same here. But I live alone and no living family. I'm trying everyday to see that life is still possible to be worth living. Maybe things can get better. Somehow.. survival mode is strong right now. But it's hard when you have nothing to fight for.. nothing I can see.. isolated from everyone because of many deaths and from caregiving my family. But now I am on my own, working call center. Today is a bad day.. I wonder if I'm reborn in another life.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I'm glad you're here! Please stick around and watch the videos that call to you. Here we learn how to overcome what happened, and become who we are meant to be!

[@chaii_latte]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you :]

[@Berlynic]

Thank you!

[@angeluss28]

Alcoholic dad and abused by someone else. Grew up poor we could only eat whit rice. I feel that letter word by word. All I can do is keep surviving. Being working ina goverment offic with a crap salasy but I think is fine as long as I can pay the bills.

[@y.peffle2802]

this is why basic and advanced personal finance should be taught in highschool. Thankfully I learned the hard way in my early 20s and haven't repeated the same mistakes I made

[@ISIHIA23]

I think this person is trying to recreate her happiest childhood times by thinking she wants a farm. Owning a farm and just happily living on it with the animals and the plants is fantastic but you have to either have YEARS of savings and develop a rigorous way of living (canning, prepping etc) or grow things that you can sell for good profit. My happiest memories are at my grandmothers house in the countryside but I am hundreds of thousands of dollars away from owning a home with land. I think she needs to get real with her husband too that if this is her dream in life they have to basically orient their entire lives and thinking in that direction, along woth the kids.

[@ritadighent]

To the letter-writer. When I was much younger I got a piece of advice from a very successful business man. I'm not at all a business person, and my projects have always been in the arts. He said to me: "Don't re-invent the wheel. Go find the best person you can that does what you want to do and go work for them to learn the ropes." I grew up poor. My mom was a single mom, 5 kids, secretary job. I was big into horses. I landed a low-level job on a very established, high-status horse farm. The owner saw how good I was with the animals (I could gentle horses and ride them with no reins) and before long, I was riding/training some of the best horse flesh in the country. One more thing, go slo-o-ow. Don't make the business perfect and then wait for the money to come. So from one poor girl to another, I'd say, go work on the kind of farm you'd like to have and cobble together YOUR successful little farm. Don't spend more than you make (that's another story). Good luck!!!!

[@lynndurbin9476]

Video games are a classified addiction in the DMSR. The AARP has referral service to become an intern for older business people.

[@bobbellendovich6825]

I F-ing HATE KZbin, but it is the World's Greatest Encyclopedia.

[@improvisedsurvival5967]

Life is survival always was

[@brandyyoung629]

My husband and I run an agricultural business and raise beef cattle. I'd be willing to help however I can.

[@cfpros1]

yes

[@DiemCarpe503]

This really resonates with me in so many ways..and I’m a teacher..

[@SCnative64]

I'm 60. I grew up with financially comfortable Grandparents until about 6 then foster homes. Last Foster family were stable but no means rich. I bounced around after high school and was lost. Fast forward and the low hanging fruit was always temp jobs and call centers. I was just layed off 2 year job that was a "processor" type role but not a call center. Now I need to find something new at 60.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

You may want to watch some of Anna's videos about CPTSD and work. Here they are: www.youtube.com/@CrappyChildhoodFairy/search?query=job Nika@TeamFairy

[@SCnative64]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you.

[@kimberbell4238]

You should go to college....but youdont k ow how!! This is soooo true! My mom said to me many years after i graduated...."you took college prep classes...why didnt you go to college?". What?! How!? No guidance on life goals. How could i go to college when i had to move out on my own at 16, and had to pay rent and buy food!!

[@countrysister700]

Homesteading is healing. My hubs died suddenly and I had to sell our little dream county home. BUT at 67 and widowed I'm "homesteading" my little suburban backyard. I can no longer blame circumstances. Plant veggies. A dwarf fruit tree. Garlic. Tomatoes in a pot. Push it to do as much as I can to feed myself and others. Baby steps doesn't mean you shouldn't push it as damned hard dawn to dusk as you can. Preserve, freeze, can. Nerd out on frugality. You can do this!!

[@Sandi-zh2wx]

All I heard was "no one told me to ask a teacher" and I think I blacked out. Someone goes to all the trouble, hard work, and sacrifice, not to mention the cost, to go to school for 4 yrs but no one told you to ask a teacher 🥴🥴🥴

[@clrought]

Both my parents had an education father pharmacist and mother teacher home economics. They never encourage education or helped direct. My mother told me. She was told to wait for me to ask. I also believe their parents or other family members never encourage them. either. My father brother said he didn't go to his graduation because it was just a piece of paper he said.

[@marisa5359]

Yep. Lot of financial insecurity growing up. College degrees were not a thing for my folks, jobs were very piecemeal. I was too afraid to try college for myself though I had a few dreams. My life has continued very piecemeal in a lot of ways with spurts of promise. I ponder a second act and finally studying something for myself. Realistically, with four kids (Three special needs) I am working through various stages of education ranging from college to middle school, I feel like for mental sanity and the already crippling student loan debt, I have to continue putting it on the back burner. Sigh. Kind of a catch-22, seeing that a degree might get my foot in the door to a job that could improve my financial situation. Here's hoping for someday...

[@Gen-yh1jz]

Yes the people raising me discouraged me from everything even medical assistance,preschool teacher, everything. They just wanted me to work as free labor in their business. They discourage me asking for child support or public assistance. Anything I had they took my child. My mobile home on a property that I worked two jobs to buy. After that I realized that the people that raised my were evil narcissist. Pillars of the community. I always felt like a second class citizen, sometimes less then human. I tried community college but I couldn’t work pay bills and recover from trauma. I am older and life has passed me by. I work minimum wage 2 jobs and barely make it. My advice never go back to the family that abused you. Run never go back. They may not beat you but they will cleverly exploit you.

[@Wawa-kn8sd]

Am a farmer ohhhh its a diffcult business so u advicing her correctly 💯 its really captial intensive

[@joeshmoe9978]

Good information 🎬🏅

[@msjrenee8146]

Teach online!!! Online public schools. I know many teachers who’ve gone to that and love it

[@Tryagain205]

She could tutor online

[@TheCognizanceComposition]

Love this thank you. Would love to colllab and do an interview

[@lewishenderson7004]

i am 66 i have no one in my life and i like it that way no one can hurt me

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

One day at a time... One minute at a time...

[@KrakeTube]

@3:29 "Partly due to how content he was being stagnant" sounds like her husband had some sort of trauma too. I hate to say I was that guy or maybe still am

[@melitapavlinic7302]

I am not sure if I understand what her problem is and what the exact advice for her situation is. But I think that the writer is repeating some patterns from her family, mom who made bare minimum and dad who had grandiose ideas that he could not put into practice and that she is farming because that it is what her aunt did it. I am also surprised that she is not able to get financially stable teaching. It makes me think she did not work full-time and that she had only limited contracts

[@shellytarin9279]

I found you by accident but you are touching my life

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I'm so glad you found the channel :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@melismabywater6336]

Hey, so, playing video games and LARPing aren't strictly child activities. Especially not Civil War reenactments, which involve both history and the handling of (usually prop) guns. Lots of people find release and comfort in such activities, and I'm tired of seeing them demonized as "playing around." Used properly, they can be a crucial part of a healthy work-life balance. The bigger problem with Samantha's dad is that he didn't balance the gaming and reenactments with "work," and that he did these activities while claiming to have an injury that would make both of these difficult. I clicked this video because I thought I would relate to it based on the title. But having watched up to 7:25 and not seen the father's problem addressed beyond "it sounds like a child," I've come away deeply disappointed.

[@lisagayhart2482]

You can lease a farm and put cows on it. Still farming is hard and costly. Think how much tractors cost . Retirement is maybe Robinhood or one like it. Free trading and I recommend dividend stocks. Look into it . Watch videos. Don’t do the trading

[@Carlos_Arrebol]

Excuse me where can i find the video you mentioned about meditation after writing the menaces and fears???? pleaaaseee

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Free Daily Practice Course: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice

[@Carlos_Arrebol]

you are lovely, eternal thanks@@CrappyChildhoodFairy

[@PaulineKellam]

Living in bare survival mode my whole life

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

We understand as few others can. You're in the right place and we're all here to support you :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@MikhailStavin-on9iy]

What do you think of the world transformation movement?

[@effysbasket.]

dear fairy, how to write a letter to you directly?

[@jamesjanson6129]

Story of my life.

[@johnmaggiorino4493]

I think that's the keyword.....Decisions

[@jenna2431]

There were 1,250 kids in my graduating class. I got nothing from my counselor. My parents only barely scraped out of high school and didn't think a girl needed an education. I had no idea and it wasn't a real thing for college back then. Now at 66 I've got nothing.

[@queenofhearts1138]

Several failed jobs. No career path. Spotty job history. 6 jobs in the last 2years in a new city. Emotional exhaust. Job trauma. CPTSD. Single Motherhood. Long-term financial insecurity has sucked me dry Struggling 😢

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

We're all sending you support and encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@rememberselfcare]

Is 50 to late to start over?

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

No, it's not too late. Every year of life counts, and healing is possible! Nika@TeamFairy

[@lisabradyusa]

Oh so exciting. I know people who would love for you to grow and farm for them herbalists 😊

[@aabrightlove]

Honestly I don't really agree with your take on video games; I think it's a bit outdated, really. I have been horribly addicted to video games, and now enjoy a healthy relationship with them, it is fine to enjoy them all night lol The key is not to let it take up time that you would otherwise be working or spending time with family, etc. Frankly I find it arbitrary that you would consider enjoyment of games all night harmful but not a similar timeframe of enjoyment of, say, playing piano, or painting. Any hobby can develop into obsession; that's not unique to games

[@beverleymacca4737]

Okay but when do you sleep?

[@aabrightlove]

@@beverleymacca4737 slightly later than the day before? It's actually not a complex solution, just sleep in a bit and then hit the hay normally the next day. If you can't do that, that's not the video games, that's you having self control and wellness maintenance problems

[@aabrightlove]

@@misspeach3755 Paintings (and songs as well) are intently designed to make you spend more time looking at them and listening to them (messing with your big scary science levels in your brain!). Playing soccer or making wooden crafts aren't like that. (And no, making paintings all night every day of the week does not represent a healthy relationship.) If you understand why my argument is bad, then you understand why your argument is bad, too.

[@beverleymacca4737]

@@aabrightlove you said before 'it's fine to enjoy them all night', which is different from what you're saying now. Denial goes hand in hand with addiction.

[@aabrightlove]

@@beverleymacca4737 how is that any different? You're projecting onto me; I didn't say anything indicative of making a persistent habit of it like you seem to be insisting. For that matter, neither did CCF. She directly compared staying up late gaming to going out to a casino, saying nothing about making a habit of either. At best, a professional like her should know better than to be vague about these very important nuances Moreover, I directly stated the opposite. I explicitly explained the characteristics of a healthy relationship with any hobby, not just games

[@marshamagic8551]

Nobody guides you..

[@onigiri2136]

Dear Ana, Thank you so much for this video. It has helped me alot, but has also left me with a few questions about myself. Maybe one day i will muster the courage to ask your opinion, but in the meantime i will enjoy the knowledge i have gained. I appreciate you and your platform so much, thank you! 🫂💙

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for being a part of our community, I'm so glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@onigiri2136]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thanks, Calista, me too!! I'm always recommending CCF! Thanks for what y'all do! ❤❤🤗

[@sophiafaith]

How about a farm share?

[@d-cameliaR]

The notion of future was something unatainable or uncontrolable for me. Being always in survival mode because of money and abuse got me used to letting go, not thinking about what I wanted or liked doing and not keeping a grip on those things. Letting go of art, letting go of poetry, letting do of sewing etc. Many gifts and dreams were neglected.... Thank you Fairy for helping!

[@jasonfitzpatrick414]

May 2024 be the year you sew again and make art again. See if you can find the sewlo woman who makes historic costumes, she does cool work.

[@annklonl5207]

Please allow your creativity and art into your life. I did the same and had to actively give myself to be creative. It helps a lot although it doesn't resolve any of my challenges and restrictions. But I get to allow beauty into my life, and from there friendships, well-feeling, presents, a sense of accomplishment, something to look forward to when dealing with other issues. May 2024 be your year of growing into yourself, the person you are meant to be!

[@soniafaye9919]

This 100% Thank you for putting that into words!! 🙌🏼

[@d-cameliaR]

@@jasonfitzpatrick414 thank you for the good wishes! I really enjoy searching for sewing content. I wish you keep in touch with yourself as well👍

[@d-cameliaR]

@@annklonl5207 thank you for your good advice. I had a momentum some months back but I kind of lost it. I remember creativity being a safe place for me as a child and a teen. As soon as I let the media more and more into my life those things became strained... It s so good to find places were you get to remember. We just have to keep on remembering.

[@regularity2556]

One of the biggest realizations ive had is that i didnt have any help as a child.

[@snu3877]

YES. My mother seemed to be there to put out fires (like dealing with my older sister's two pregnancies, the first one leading to an abortion at 15), but she was content to ignore our emotional needs if we didn't ask for anything or cause trouble. I got the message early on that she really did not want to be bothered.

[@sharonthompson672]

I didn't learn this lesson until my 30's. I was always learning, reading, absorbing. But the tools to succeed? The encouragement? Nah, very little. But I sincerely appreciate and remember every. single. person. that DID encourage me. ❤️🌹

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Yes. I remember them too.

[@emilyb5557]

Same ❤ so many people along the way in small and sometimes bigger ways. It wasn't the people who "should of" but it's good to notice the people who try and do encourage and support

[@JenOween]

That's what I do. I learn and learn as much about everything I can, hoping that I'll finally know enough to be enough for my parents to be proud of me. They've each been dead for years and I still do it. I'm in a loop.

[@clonejones7955]

I grew up dirt poor.Despite being naturally intelligent enough to be anything I wanted to be I never went to college.I couldnt sit still,I work in circles not a straight line.I couldn't sit in any kind of office environment.I ended up doing mostly minimum wage jobs.My one goal was to own land and not be beholden to a landlord.Despite all the odds against it I pulled it off and just paid off my mortgage a year ago on an old trailer and a beautiful mountain acre in a place people all over the world want to move to.What has served me is being open to opportunities and open to adjusting my expectations of what is necessary for me having a successful happy life vs what the rest of the world considers success.

[@Liz-wz8dh]

I think a lot of people get trapped in that "go to college and your future will be set" dream. A lot of our parents, who didn't go to college, didn't understand that there was more to it than that. They just saw others doing it and assumed that's all there was. That's the problem with non-successful people having kids and not raising them properly.

[@gailhicks6547]

The only guidance we had was “You can be whatever you want”. and then it was like Now go away. If you mentioned wanting to try anything you got……….no, that’s not for you.

[@andi-roo9426]

Omg we had the same parents.

[@normanhart]

Yeah my mom never drove a car or even rode a bike. Her career advice was golden

[@stevenphillips2653]

Hang on, it gets better. This is from a 33 year USPS employee. The stability is a benefit of its own.

[@HildeAzul]

Is it still stable? Where I live we have a high USPS turn over. My guess is that they don’t pay enough (here) for survival and working 60-80 hours and not surviving would be a total turn off. However, I do remember as a kid people always said the post office was a great long-term career.

[@stevenphillips2653]

@@HildeAzul , I don't like the two year contract deal. I always thought that new hires should be career from the get-go. It depends where you live, but IMHO, a LOT of new hires don't understand that, A: we work outside in all kinds of weather, and B: the USPS runs 7 days a week. From what I understand from the shoppie, new hires are only going to be contract for two years, max, before they become a regular, earning a pension, and sick & vacation days. Also, you get a bump in pay, and the ability to refuse overtime, so you don't have to work overtime. In my city(Phila) the overtime has dropped drastically. I think the days of 60+ workweeks are over. In my experience, 80 hour workweeks were a function of Covid. Mileage may vary, but most of our overtime is due to call-outs and not volume now. The only exception I personally know about, are the parts of the country where Amazon does not have their own delivery system set up yet. Parcels are a little berserk in some parts of Florida, if what I am told is correct. I grew up in poverty, and have the scars to show for it. Farming is an unforgiving way to make a living. I would like to see the person mentioned in the video hang on to the USPS job, so her family can have health insurance, and mom can get sick and vacation days, and she can build toward retirement. Farm on the side, because the income is pretty awful. Joke goes: The farmer won a million dollars in the lottery. The news reporter asked him, "What are you going to do now?" The farmer answered, "I guess I'll keep farming until the money runs out." I spent much of my childhood in farming communities, and I have the greatest respect for people who can do that, but with kids in the picture, I vote for stability. Whatever the letter writer chooses to do, I wish them the best of outcomes.

[@MsSimpleMovies]

This sounds a lot like the experience of a lot of people just coming from immigrant parents or poor parents. I went to school in an expensive town, went to a good university. I never knew people got tutors in the summer in high school, never knew being an A student in university isn't enough, didn't know about informational interviews until I was 35. This is really common.

[@Liz-wz8dh]

This is why so many people graduated from college and felt scammed too. It's partly the colleges that sold the dream and the parents who bought into it and pushed it onto their kids.

[@rachelspeck1230]

I’m googling informational interviews at the moment. Didn’t know it was a thing

[@TranscendingTrauma]

She could have a teaching farm! Where groups come to the farm for field trips (schools, clubs like Boy Scouts or Girl scouts etc). She could teach them how to care for the animals and educational stuff about farming. Families even love doing trips to farms. And the people that come for her classes she can also sell her farm goods to them!

[@ashleyb.8217]

Sounds awesome

[@mariansmith7694]

Yes, just realizing that for most part, I lived life just a day at a time. Now, Im a poor widow, my grown children are estranged from me. Not sure why. Im independent & healthy, I do not bother my children or expect them to care for me. I too had no life goals beyond being married to an Army officer who I helped educate and raising my 3 children. All 3 are very successful and productive members of society. 1st husband had many affairs, was also a manchild who played games and did reenactments. I eventually divorced him. My second husband died because of Vietnam/ AgentOrange. I had cared for him and also for my mother. So, here I am, elderly and alone. My youngest daughter is a Narcissist who turned older children against me, telling them lies. I will be 70 in coming year. I am alone now and am re- inventing myself, again, It is scary...

[@TeaRose9]

I completely relate. I prefer to be independent even in just surviving rather than striving.

[@alicemakarevich6762]

My heart goes out to you❤ Wishing you strength and hope