How to Interpret Chronic Dreams of Reunion With an Ex

[@gailrobey4316]

Thanks Anna. I have been watching your videos for several weeks and they are helping me so much. This video has some similarities to my current limerence situation and your response really spoke to me. Thank you!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for being a part of our community here! Nika@TeamFairy

[@cjsrescues]

I have been binge watching your videos. I'm 57 and just now am dealing with a lifetime of trauma. I've been taking notes and trying very hard to improve my mental health. Last night, for the first time in my life, I had a positive good dream about my birth mother. I was reared by her parents and was neglected by everyone. The dream was so wonderful, she was helping me instead of hurting me. Thank you for your videos. They are life changing.

[@Apieceofgarbage]

It is sad that those bad experiences can affect someone until in their 50's. I hope you get over it.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for sharing your encouragement for the letter-writer! Nika@TeamFairy

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you so much! So glad you are here. Nika@TeamFairy

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

Wow, it's hard to connect with one's inner child and soothe her, and it sounds like maybe you did this in a dream. Well done! wish I could get my subconscious to do this for me.

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

@@Apieceofgarbage I'm 53 and I think these old hurts only BEGAN to cause me actual pain at about 47. Before that, my lack of self-belief and my water sense of myself did hold me back. They hold me back less now but understanding why I am how I am hurts MORE if anything. I envy people who figure this stuff out in their 20s and 30s.

[@anonymouse6703]

I've tried rekindling old relationships a few times (twice as the initiator, and then two ex's contacted me 13 years later, 13 years apart). Let me tell you, trying to rekindle an old flame actually ruins the fantasy. When you have them back, you get reminded of all the unpleasant reasons why it didn't work out the first time. In other words, reality hits. I have one ex that I wish would try to rekindle with me, but only so I can tell him to f*ck off.

[@msbeecee1]

Depsite a background of knowledge abt Avoidance, this is the first time I've ever heard of limerence. It describes me to a T! I always identifed as an "addictive personality," but never really identifed any primary addiction because i didn't have the behaviors necessary to actually qualify. Now I finally know WHAT I need to abstain from! My drug is not a behavior. It's a thought pattern. This is a revelation.🎉

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I'm so glad the video was helpful! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@toscadonna]

You just have to realize that your dreams and fantasies ARE NOT REAL. What you feel inside for them isn’t what they feel for you. If they felt the same about you, they’d be there. They wouldn’t leave you. Your husband is the real, flesh and blood human being is your reality. Love the one you’re with not someone who doesn’t exist.

[@nursejen1111]

I've struggled with these issues most of my life. I think the real turning point for me was when I began re-parenting myself when I was a child, I didn't feel safe and secure alot of the time. All of the healing happens when you give yourself everything that was missing when you were a child. I now know my worth and value and love myself fully. I know I'm always safe and loved. I'm 53 and I've just recently been able to set healthy boundaries with men. Its been a long and sometimes very painful journey but I'm grateful everyday for everything I have. Wishing you all love, peace and healing❤

[@taga8006]

This is happening to me too! I got married and I WAS able to see real love that my husband has for me. He's supporting and loving, in general, my husband treats me right. And now I long so much for my high school boyfriend who was baaaaad for me. He cheated so many times, BEAT ME UP! several times. Yet! I have powerful dreams and feelings for him lol. I treat by telling myself to look for literal proofs of love. I can name what my husband does for me and my ex is NOT with me. That alone proves that he doesn't want to be with me.

[@drakelessner3981]

imagine my surprise after taking years to get over my limerence with my first love, hoping that she would come back or our paths would cross again, and then she did. 6 years later. this time around i now live half way across the country. anyways it obviously didn’t end great. this completely unraveled me. certain events from childhood now make me cry and it feels terrifying. the tightness in my chest. my childhood was really dysfunctional. i have an assessment this friday with a therapist and your videos have been helping me a lot.

[@xoxosisihere]

It’s not my ex but an ex best friend. She has been a part of my dreams twice in a row. I’ve abstained from checking her social media since Jluly and I’m doing pretty well. The dreams just pulled me back into my head but honestly my willpower to move on is amazing. I’m proud of myself. I have accepted a lot of things. Even though not in my heart in my head I have. She didn’t love me as much as I loved her. She didn’t respect me or care for me as much as i thought she did. I’ll be fine. I’ll find my people or they will find me. Until then I will be there for myself ❤

[@yan_guna]

You can still ask yourself if the fantasy is a coping habit and idealized memories, or if it reveals unmet needs you still have, regardless of the specific guy it's about. If this relationship brought something to you that you deeply lack now, maybe question that.

[@suddhadasi]

Wow, I'm so glad you adressed those powerful dreams about someone who symbolizes the love you have always dreamed of. I'm impressed by Lisa's maturity of handling this. I really did believe those dreams was a message from the Universe. Well, I'm wide awake now. The grief and emptyness over the realisation that this was just a fantasy are overwhelming but at the same time, I feel liberated by the truth and I actually started living my life.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

You got this! We're all sending you encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@RedFunk]

Finally someone who doesn't sugar coat it, or talk about energies, or star sign bullshit. I have learned a lot from this as a man. I don't think I can share this video with any of my friends or family without them hyper analyzing my emotions rather than just empathizing. I really wish i could afford therapy.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

We have a free alternative -- the Daily Practice. It's a free course with free Zoom calls every week. You may want to check it out - these are the methods that allowed me to heal.

[@aditijatkar7699]

Thankyou Anna for your kindness and how tou explain these things to people like us, without judgement without condemnation. Limerence can have a lot of shame associated with it, especially if you have it for someone inappropriately. No one intentionally chooses pain, and we need someone like you to help us come out into the light.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for sharing this :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@Aimiin]

Please listen to this! I was very depressed until I find out about limerence and what can cause it, and it was a huge relieve, I could heal and focus on what is important to me, instead of obsessing over someone who could never be enough. You deserve a happy and healthy live.I know you can get over this.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Your encouragement for the letter-writer is so valuable. Thank you for your comment. Nika@TeamFairy

[@mikerubin22]

this video is remarkable, I suffer from CPTSD, lost my wife to cancer in 2014, and, the chronic reunion dreams have been overwhelming...thank you for your insights🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm very glad the video was helpful, thank you for sharing this and for being a part of our community :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@notvrycoolbutissokay6621]

I've been having limerant dreams of this ex that broke up with me a couple of months back. He left saying "don't worry, I'll call you, I'll stay in touch" . I wanted to say "please don't " but i didn't say that, in hopes of things working out whenever he does. He never called. And all i have is vivid dreams of him, finally coming back, saving me , and taking me. I sometimes wait for the night to kick in, so that can have another escape from reality.

[@127gerardo1990]

I used to have those dreams, and I still dream I'm in her company. Then she became like my Jesus. But then I realized that I was holding on to false realities because there was something in there that I cared about. Then I furthered that the things that I cared about in there were about me. Then Basically i just grabbed my things and didn't left. Because the things that I'm getting, I'm needing to untangle. Things like self-respect. These videos helped me get a sense of what self-respect is. And that helped immensely.

[@klarmy8824]

Totally agree that letter writer should not contact her old love, that's GREAT advice. Thanks, Anna.

[@suzy1750]

not easy to hear some of the hard truths in this one but thank you...appreciate your honesty even if it's not always easy to hear...

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

We're so glad you're here and we're all here to support you! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@patm.-xq5tr]

Good reply to the letter❤ Yes, I will occasionally dream of someone I dated a long time ago. A therapist one time asked me what qualities he had that I was seeking in a relationship. While I had a long list of positives, I also realized that there were negative "red flag" qualities that were indicators of possible narcissism. Now I remind myself of what I want & what to avoid- in both friendships & romance!

[@mesCheerios]

Love, something people choose to give. Some people are so good at 'loving' us when they are with us but then they choose not to. How frustrating

[@amsells]

Thank you for this content Anna! I just came across something that reminded me of an ex that I still struggle with limerent feelings after 2 years of no contact. I came to your channel to get a shot in the arm that I needed.

[@kell4674]

I'd be interested in a video about struggling with limerance for someone you don't even like.

[@chaz7604]

OMG THIS!! It’s so maddening

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Noted! -The Fairy Team

[@bekabell1]

You say it is better on the other side, but having reached the point that I recognized limerance for what it is and refuse to allow myself to go there, all I am left with is the recognition that I have never been loved (except by my children when they were young) and the only conclusion I can reach is that I am not lovable. This reality may be better than the fantasy of limerance but it sure doesn't feel like it.

[@5gx673]

Perhaps the reality is not that you are unloveable, but that you are feeling unloved. I wish you well

[@springrain5297]

May I offer you hope, that you are surrounded by love from a God who loves you, who created you and invites you to accept His love, the only kind of love we were meant to live off of. His name is Jesus. Fully God and Fully man. He feels your pain. He was despised and rejected of men when he had done no wrong yet he took upon himself the iniquity of us all. God loves you so dearly and you are made for that love. God bless you dear one.

[@mesCheerios]

wow you have done so well getting to the other side. I think there is some great reprogramming beliefs work you can do, because there is no way your belief you are unlovable is true

[@grat2010]

I wish I could give you a hug. Congrats on how far you've come. But you're still on the journey. Feeling that you are unlovable is a sign that you're not done yet. Keep working on yourself until you reach that small part of yourself that's still hidden away, feeling unloved, and waiting for you.

[@MamaMilkBubbles]

Tell Anna it's time to get her KZbin checkmark ✔️ And tell her 'thank you' for being one of God's angels.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

You’re very kind. I’ll make sure Anna reads your note. -Cara@TeamFairy

[@MamaMilkBubbles]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you, Cara ♥️

[@mesCheerios]

You are soooo right about few people really getting us. And how that differs from the gift of love. It's so difficult to grasp this concept because those things always come together in fiction

[@ragnaice]

OMG this is a thing?? I have occasional dreams about my ex and I hate it. I don't want him back and I feel icky about it when I wake up so I don't think I have limerence but I guess there is something in my subconscious still hung up on him :(

[@xLiLlyx98]

I mean depending on how that ended could be that there's something still there to be processed that just got pushed aside because you didnt want to or couldn't deal with it. 🙂

[@thecommonsensecapricorn]

I need this video! I have dreams of all my exes, all the time. Somedays it starts my day off on a melancholic note and messes with me..

[@mintyhippo8125]

Yeah, limerant dreams are real for sure. That’s probably why people say, “in your dreams!” When they reject someone romantically. I have lots of dreams about being friends with fictional characters and celebrities where they love me so much, and it’s so easy. I think the main reason they spring up is because your brain had to imagine that so much as a kid when your parents didn’t give you love, and your brain defaults to that when under stress.

[@MaryBethPetra]

It's funny...I have dreams about my ex-husband that I divorced 10 years ago. I would never want to have a reunion with him at all. I only dream about him when things are really going badly in my life...and then I wake up and it feels like things are going to get worse. Curious!🤷‍♀

[@SarahMichelle777]

Not an ex, per se, but I had a therapist for over 7 years who was always promising to never dump me especially since she knew of my abandonment issues. But then one night she did. No warning, never brpught it up.just said she was “done.” I still dont know what i did wrong as i had tried sooo hard to be a good client. Then she was gone. I had been very attached to her. 16 years later I still have dreams of getting to go see her at her office. Most dreams she either ignores me, tells me off, disappears. Once in a great while i dream that she says i can see her to talk to her, but i never get to her office because of a lot of barriers. I wish i could just stop dreaming about her. I miss her a lot at times still. But thankfully I now have a therapist who is thousands of times better than the first one. But the dreams still bother me. I wish she would have at least told me what I did wrong. I will never, ever know and never have closure.

[@susanswarts1407]

You did this one for me. Thank you!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Glad you're here! -The Fairy Team

[@sigridurlennartsdottir4416]

It sounds like the rough patch in her marriage activated some old fears, and her brain automatically ran to the coping mechanism that made her most whole in the past. Looking at it that way makes limerence like an alarm bell going “oops my fear is taking hold, I need some extra love from myself and from my partner” Perhaps that explanation can make it easier for her husband to see past the limerence. It is not about her wanting the other guy more, like he may fear it is. Or that she would have been more in love with him all along and hid it. That can be hard for a guys ego, since no one wants to be second best. Hopefully he can understand that she just got scared and her brain jumped to what felt safe and what got her through the hard and scary times before.

[@RearviewWisdom]

Wow, you summarized this perfectly !

[@meropale]

I have dreams about ex-schools.

[@NicoletaPopliceanu2]

Your hair looks gorgeous in this video.

[@michellehanes8136]

I hate it when this happens the last time waa really hard to get the thoughts out of my head. This sounds similar to mine. I was 15 when i met him he was my first everything i loved him so much. He also joined the military but i still had 2 years of high school left. I started seeing someone else because i felt abandoned because he disnt talk to me a month before he left to basic training. i told him about seeing someone and he never wanted to speak to me agian. I plead and begged. That was super difficult. I just started having more and more dreams about him even though it has been 22 years since i last saw him. I have been in a relationship for 13 years to someone who loves me but when i get these dreams it sends me back to what could have been if i did not mess up. hopefully one day i stop having thoughts/dreams about him. This time i did forgive myself for hurting him hopefully that will be the end.

[@RearviewWisdom]

I wouldn’t be too hard on yourself. And perhaps the guilt is fueling your limerence. Forgive yourself and let go of the “what ifs”. Trust that allowing him to be free was what was best for his journey and yours. To be fair as a senior in HS there’s a lot of emotions happening at once. They’re preparing to go off into the real world, make major decisions and relationships sort of become second priority (especially for MEN). I think young men have a hard time communicating these emotions with their significant others which is why senior year relationships are literally make it or break it. But for clarity was he upset by you moving on ? And how did he communicate with you that he was leaving for the military ?

[@americasariesson1862]

I am facing this very topic again! And I know exactly what’s happening and why yet this part of me insists “ she’s the one we want” lol …I just watch the process and put space between the healthy parts of me and..the wounded part and continue to turning towards myself so as to try to stop the need to self abandon. And no , CPTSD is still not in the DSM 5 - that’s nuttier than limerence

[@SingAlong4fun]

This is similar to my situation. However, I was married to my ex for 33 years. We had 4 kids who are grown with their own kids. I've been remarried for 8 years and have been dealing with dreams of my ex. In them I'm not married and each morning I wake up apologizing to God, my kids and my ex husband. Because I'm unable to have relations with my current husband whom I love so much, I've lost a lot of sleep in the past 2 and 1/2 years. And now that these dreams have started it's even harder and it's like I dread and fear going to sleep. So it's become a very bad cycle. I get about 3 to 4 hours a night and many times I am unable to sleep at all like last night.

[@Ari-wo9bk]

This is wonderful and validating and very useful. Thank you love x

[@aishagladden]

Are you in my thoughts?lol. Jk. It was you this was a message directly to me!

[@minhtu5059]

Thank you so much for this video. It's extremely powerful to me ❤

[@horsluvr23]

I love your videos on this topic, please keep it up you help me heal so much

[@catherineedge5446]

Thank you so much for all the work you do, Anna - I so relate to your content and love the way you explain things ❤

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I'm so happy to hear that! Thank you for taking the time to comment, I'll make sure Anna reads this :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@TK-fm5ud]

Nothing in my real life would be destroyed because I don’t have anything to destroy 😢

[@earlgrey2130]

I have really bad nightmares of my ex gf dating again, having wild, kinky sex, offering herself to other men, getting abused (and loving it), being soo happy without me, not missing me (while im in so much pain).. I know this is probably a realistic assumption of whats happening.. but these images hurt me so much. Why cant i just let her go.. i dont wanna have to see and feel these things.. 😢

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for sharing. I encourage you to try The Daily Practice. It is a great way to process fears and resentment. It can help calm your mind and re-regulate. If you’re interested, you can try it for free here: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy

[@HandleHandle233]

When Limerant people reciprocate, what happens? Can that work in the long term?

[@Noxtep]

would be nice if there would be a discord server. I hear your groups have a lot of women, but would be cool a place to hang with 20/30 something males with this limerence thing

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

I sometimes dream about the relationship I could have had with a Dear Female Friend that was murdered by her fiance 9 years ago... I feel that she was the only female I could trust with my history of being molested by a "friend" at age 12...

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

I also have a fantasy of harming either my molester and or my friends murderer.... I was extremely agitated and violent this morning because of the strong anger I feel towards these 2 "Gentlemen"... And I am not a violent person... UGH!!😢!!

[@mesCheerios]

:(((

[@mesCheerios]

im so sorry

[@epicfreakshow]

also a form of soul retrieval

[@moonhanaa]

Thank God I found your channel!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for being a part of our community here! -The Fairy Team

[@biancas2639]

Wow like a lot of other topics you bring up and put words to that I have never heard anywhere else. Limerence. That ´s a thing that is going on for me. Wow. And an addiction that is a flight reaction from the real world. I love to daydream and fantasize about "the good things" that I wish were still my life. A -ha moment.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Glad you're here! -The Fairy Team

[@joeyfisher68]

I wish my now ex wife had found this video before divorcing me to go be with her ex . She us now the other woman waiting for him to divorce his wife, as I sit here trying to pick up the pieces . .and I truly wish these dreams would go away . .sometimes they just ruin my whole day with disregulation

[@JinJinDoe]

I wish Garreth Purshouse saw your videos or reached out. That guy had big time limerence and a woman ended up dead.

[@BlastBeeeats]

I had a dream on October 3rd about my ex-husband. I woke up and I was fine. I went on Snapchat memories and a year ago on that day I had dreamt about my first boyfriend. I guess there's something about October 3rd? Thanks for your videos 🖤🧚🏽‍♂️

[@xLiLlyx98]

Could you perhaps talk about - if that is within your realm of experience - wanting to intentionally push people away by engaging in thoughts of the past, even though you dont really want to go back or anything, but just because you want to put emotional distance between you and someone else? Because you sort of resent them for having too much of an influence on your emotions (codependency and all that good jazz 😅)?

[@iloveeggs75]

I have recurrent dreams about my ex from 12 years ago. I've been over him and haven't spoken to him for a decade, I've maybe thought of him a handful of times in the past 10 years, and the dreams aren't even pleasant. He just leads me on and then ghosts me every single time. WTF is that about?

[@jimnicosia5934]

This was my Ex wife exactly.

[@mesCheerios]

I don't understand how to use the daily practice for limerent thoughts. " I fear" and "i resent ....because i fear...." statements don't really fit this paradigm. Could i get more guidance on this?

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Take the free course! It's amply explained there in the course materials and FAQs.

[@Viyan48]

How to deal with enormous unconditional self hate

[@5gx673]

❤ keep watching Anna's loving face and eyes. It has helped me

[@Viyan48]

@@5gx673 thank you ❤

[@Lizapendleton]

Can you say something about when we are so trapped in memories of family trauma that we can't see the love around us from partner and children? 😔

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I encourage you to watch more videos. Most of them are about that.

[@Lizapendleton]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you very much, will do.

[@paoesmagia]

🙏🏼 thank you

[@Andrea-Rose]

🐇🐇🐇

[@mesCheerios]

You are soooo right about few people really getting us. And how that differs from the gift of love. It's so difficult to grasp this concept because those things always come together in fiction

[@cee7105]

Thanking you 🙏