Critical Role - Matt Tells Marisha to Stop it

[@dasnurk]

Seeing how he is the one wrangling these giggling toddlers, it's hard to remember that Matt is the second youngest at the table.

[@zachlewis9751]

Me, my brother, and some friends play dnd almost every other weekend. I am the youngest at the table and the DM. When the game can afford it I let the shenanigans fly and join in, but when shits serious I wrangle them in.

[@wumbojet]

I knew Marisha was the youngest, from what I've heard them say i believe Travis and Laura are around the same age, at least close, we all know about Taliesin, but I thought Ashley was at least a couple years younger than Matt, that is surprising.

[@davidparkes7741]

From what I can tell on Google & I'm not 100% sure if it's correct but, from youngest to oldest: Marisha, Ashley, Matt, Travis, Laura, Tal, Sam, Liam.

[@martingabriela.libunao7172]

@@davidparkes7741laura is slightly older than travis.

[@cryofpaine]

@@davidparkes7741 Laura is older than Travis by 3 months, and Liam is older than Sam by 5 months. Other than that, you're right.

[@captainkg5910]

Matt is *this close* to declaring "Rocks fall everyone dies"

[@Noobie2k7]

I mean moments and interactions like this are the only reason I'm still watching this campaign. It completely lost my interest as far as the actual story and characters are concerned by like episode 20. I just enjoy the groups dynamics and weird chaos too much to miss any of it. I suppose that's why their such a great group.

[@BowChickaHonkHonk1]

More like, "Rocks OFF, everyone dies happy"

[@jordancunningham4962]

"No, no, no. Rocks, spelled R. O. C. C."

[@cbrown6508]

Matt is just trying to live his life and the entire table is too chaotically horny to leave him alone 😂😂

[@joelrobinson5457]

One day the crit team, will go beyond erp and Matt will barely be surprised, just hide behind the screen

[@AlasdairGR]

DM Matt is just trying to live his life, out-of-game Matt is just as horny as the rest of these depraved psychos 😂

[@Aurora_Lightbringer]

Honestly, Bell's Hells is definitely the most horny group we've had out of the 3 campaigns. And considering one of them had Scanlan, that's a feat in and of itself.

[@faranior]

@@Aurora_Lightbringer It's not like Vex and Vax were that innocent either. "And I open the door...completely naked!"

[@goose1415]

@@Aurora_Lightbringer Just one horny bastard is easy to handle, but a whole group of them? Dear god...

[@apocryphgaming9995]

"Freshlight" "Stop it!" -Matt, fully knowing that this one line has created a core memory in the Critter fandom now.

[@repulser93]

Because this is the internet and because Bell’s Hells nearly went the fucking route… I fully expect some Critical Roll-themed “freshlights” to actually be produced by the end of the year.

[@NewyAlien]

I think marisha even knew before she said it.

[@si2foo]

like when matt snaps and is done dming. he had best drop rocks

[@manicwolfgaming4940]

It's a canon event in the timeline, it couldn't be avoided.

[@Kiwicrack]

Matt swooping under the radar with that Rez reference! (Rez was a PS2 rail shooter that came packaged with a vibrating accoutrement that would vibrate along with the game. People found uses for it immediately.)

[@Neil_Mackie]

The first Tony Hawk games had infinite grind cheatcodes that caused the controller to vibrate constantly as you looped around the lip of a bowl with perfect balance. Weirdly it was the only game my then GF would play ...

[@borofreak]

@@Neil_Mackie THPS3 had a secret level at the end - a cruise ship - where you could infinitely grind the edges of a pool on the lower deck as long as you hold the button. Just sayin...

[@aduiel]

Thank you! I was wondering about that, and Google was unhelpful.

[@pololsen]

Worm odessy for the snes was the first game that had rumble feature

[@ironman1181]

this reminds me of the Moxie's Good Touch and Moxie's Bad Touch weapons in Borderlands 2. they made the controller vibrate continuously. one harder than the other...you can probably imagine the rest xD

[@anjelica948]

Its funny because Matt is so serious at the table 99% of the time, but when I’ve seen or heard him in other contexts he is so jokey and cuts up just as much as his players. Its disarming in a way.

[@WillKazeOh]

That's because in other settings, he doesn't have a planned session with key points he wants to hit before ending. So for the sake of the show's story, he TRIES to keep the events going... but other times, he just wants to have fun.

[@lumberluc]

He knows the line. And when to enforce it

[@anjelica948]

@@WillKazeOh That’s very true. It’s just so drastic the shift that it stands out. You can tell when he’s actually a player, he loves to cause chaos as well bc its just fun.

[@yooooo8600]

That's cuz in a DnD group, the DM is the only adult in the room, so they have to be more mature to keep the children in line :)

[@JimmyBonez]

Someone has to be the adult during game time or the session goes nowhere.

[@sybariticcupboardrat3763]

It's always amusing watching Matt at war with himself. Half of him joins in on the dirty jokes, the other half is mortified it's being caught on camera.

[@4rtifex]

in D&D we call this a "moveable rod"

[@mouserr]

bigbys buzzing bat?

[@jessegd6306]

"This thing is re-usable... Don't you dare, Laura."

[@__-vb3ht]

Wow thanks, another item I can never use again

[@tomglendinning6165]

Oh god this cracked me up

[@Letham316]

I've fallen quite a bit behind, but I'm glad they're keeping up the tradition of tormenting Matt by suggesting unsettling features for FCG. 😂

[@DevilWearsAdidas]

So far he has a tongue and eye balls. Its horror.

[@zackaryw8407]

Me too. So far I’m to the part where they’re leaving Jrusar on Eshteross’s airship after doing the thing for Hexim.

[@arsongamer1510]

Every day FCG gets a little meatier

[@Beagslie76]

@@zackaryw8407 Me too, I have re-started the campaign many times, but can't get too far into it. I don't know why, I like all the characters, it just doesn't grab me like C2.

[@monkey-wrench1027]

This is Sam's ultimate troll 😂

[@ZarMationStudios18]

Best part is that Matt started to actually get a little mad - realized it, stopped, laughed at himself for it and moved on.

[@SuperGorak]

yeah and you can see that despite him playing it off, he juuust can't help but stay a little mad inside

[@coreylemon]

​@@SuperGorakthats being human babbyyy

[@supercook49]

he realized it was from his wife

[@Milkster86]

It's even funnier when I remember Matt and Marisha are married.

[@UltimaKeyMaster]

I love this being an antithesis to Travis and Laura where they're so proud of each other's absurdity, but Matt is like "BE NORMAL. FOR ONCE. I LOVE YOU BUT BE NORMAL FOR FIVE SECONDS PLEASE."

[@ilicarriedoll2843]

@@UltimaKeyMaster Honestly that's what my husband said to me 😂

[@sandpiperr]

@@UltimaKeyMaster Haha! He kind of is! Remember a few episodes before this he uttered the words "Dear God, Marisha, what have you done?"

[@mustang1888]

Matt just begins to get them back on track, then someone always has one last comment. Poor Matt, 7 against 1.

[@IceMetalPunk]

There's a reason his avatar in Legend of Vox Machina constantly gets shat on by the party 😂 ("Come here, fuckstick!" comes to mind.)

[@coreyzawaski]

Lol yes but that 1 can say rocks fall everyone dies so it kind of evens out

[@GZilla311]

Remember the flesh tongue that they totally do not have.

[@LoganBluth]

Okay, well I definitely needed it explained, because when I heard "Teledildonic device" I was picturing a dildo that collapses/extends like a telescope. But then, I remember a time before the internet existed and we had to make do with nothing but analog dildos, so... 😬

[@alantbaird]

I mean, some of them kind of are like that. Now imagine it extended and collapsed automatically via a motor and that the speed and depth of the collapsing/extending could be controlled remotely over the internet.

[@Quotenwagnerianer]

As far as I understand some porn videos, especially the VR kind, come with profiles for teledildonic Devices and that basically synchronize the toy and what it does with the action on screen.

[@s.r.3738]

@@Quotenwagnerianer That sounds fancy

[@shugotenchi]

That's how a friend of mine refers to some of her exs.

[@garrettcarter5622]

It’s a callback to Narrative Telephone S2 E5.

[@katie2893]

matt is basically the substitute teacher two weeks before summer

[@FreelancerWells]

I just love the proud smile on Marisha's face as she patiently waits for an opportunity to say it, then Sam's approving nod. 😂

[@Jeezes718]

It's probably worse when it's marisha cuz then he's going, "And that's coming home with me tonight, imma hear that in my sleep."

[@Hey-Its-Dingo]

"teledildonic" is my new favorite word. Lmao It's just fun to say, in spite of what it actually means. Lol

[@JB-xl2jc]

It's got a real "cellar door" feel to it, just pleasant to say

[@ScreamsGeo]

It actually exists on Urban Dictionary, from 2003, no less.

[@Mars34582]

This is the first time ever I saw him almost actually upset with his reaction X'D after innumerable years, the cast is finally starting to dig into his skin X'D

[@jacobw.6744]

He's only human after all. The patience of a saint. And the recovery back to having fun is a lot faster than most DMs I know. Honestly, it's really impressive.

[@masterchief111116]

New Merch: CriticalVibration, controlled by your roll (1 gives electro shock)

[@IceMetalPunk]

I thought a 1 was supposed to be *bad* 😏

[@ameliafeyparsons4816]

Better yet have it have to sync up with their roles on streams/VODs

[@sunshinegamer1981]

I would be getting shocked nearly every single roll. 😅 Lady Luck does not usually favor me, but it makes for some hilarious deaths.

[@slayeroffurries1115]

Instant buy

[@TheUnmade]

No one made a pun out of “eager to do the alteration, has the tools to do so, and won’t take too long”? I’m shocked.

[@Linkolnverse]

Oh god, it's the 3rd time I've heard it and now I get it. Freshlight.

[@tibot4228]

Oh my god. Brava Marisha.

[@brainfat1]

I know what a fleshlight is, but is freshlight a reference in the world they play in?

[@matthewoakes6089]

@@brainfat1 his name is Fresh Cut Grass

[@nikiballerini]

I still don't get it 🙈

[@brandonsquires7640]

Something i love about cr is that they instead of becoming more controlled or "professional" with their success, they seem to be more chaotic.

[@danielcobia7818]

I love this about CR, they flesh out the story so well.....

[@tyllua]

i have the impression that matt is actually really frustated and angry at that moment for a second.

[@jacobw.6744]

It's perfectly normal and valid if he was. I think it's incredible the maturity, integrity, and love he shows by expressing some frustration and then laughing and joining the joke. It *is* a frustrating moment. But also ultimately inconsequential. So not choking it down (expressing) but also not being petty (accepting) is an extremely hard balance sometimes. His mindfulness is awesome

[@SapphoForAphrodite]

yeah, it scares me

[@jacobw.6744]

@@SapphoForAphrodite Sometimes, just sometimes, when your friends are being purposefully annoying and unhelpful...you get a little frustrated and angry at them. It's pretty normal. And pretending it doesn't happen or always suppressing it is actually quite unhealthy.

[@j-dawg4774]

1:01 Sam rearing back a shaky hand left me weak 😂

[@nuggetsschumaker4371]

I relate to this way too much. My table is also full of chaotic funny shennanigans people. I can't have a single section with everyone focused on the game. It's fine anyways, since they seem to be having fun, but still. -_-"

[@MrIrishpunk]

We’re a small friend group that plays dnd together, two of us have issues with attention spans and thats led to some interesting consequences.

[@frankytorres1687]

Time Stamp is roughly 1:55:00 for this episode.

[@azurebalmung4520]

Matt might be the first DM who actually gets a spray bottle for their players

[@NeedsContent]

The term "tele-dildonics" actually goes all the way back to the 80's, before the internet. I guess they wanted to use phone lines back then, like a fax machine.

[@ORLY21]

Back in the old days of 2400 baud modems. Little before my time. I got to see 28.8k, 33.6k and 57.6k (throttled to flat 56k because lol).

[@waynepalumbo8917]

At the end "A DRAGON EATS ALL OF YOU!!!" and then Matt storms off.

[@aStrix171]

@ 0:21 is Marisha wearing a Heilung band tee?

[@XAVR_]

Incredible band

[@bababouille9707]

My friend is in Heilung now

[@kab6754]

This makes me very happy!

[@U46Raven]

After high school (and even during) age ceases to be a measurable sign of maturity.

[@queenannsrevenge100]

The point I heard that word about 10 years ago from an information security researcher was the moment I truly knew the main purpose of the Internet. 😂

[@Widestone001]

The man's trying to work here 😁

[@givemeanaxe]

Wow Its rare to see matt visible annoyed.

[@kenroach5469]

Keep in mind that some of us have been cracking up this way since we started playing D&D when it was first published in the 70s. Some humor never gets old, regardless of how much you do. And that's a good thing.

[@roguishowl3915]

Matt lives his life 1 d20 at a time. For those few seconds the dice is rolling on the table, he’s free.

[@littlerebelrocket3976]

IS HE THE DOMINIC TORETTO OF DND

[@michaeldemocko443]

They're such children... I love them for it.

[@wouldiwasshookspeared4087]

Nothing will ever beat the appropriately somber moment when Laura says, "We're in too deep to pull out now." :sophomoric chuckle:

[@sytorias7143]

I sadly lost my Dog today, she was 15 years old :( This was the first thing today that's made me genuinely smile

[@antsman6795]

Sorry for your loss. I'm glad she got to spend so long time with you.

[@TPBurrow]

I am really sorry, my condolences on losing your Dog, However I hope to make you smile again one day:)

[@sleepyandsleepin]

Matt is a example of a good DM that people should use as a base plate to be a good DM (That being said that doesn't mean somebody has to be exactly like him just the man has good idea how to DM)

[@VariousIdeas-f2q]

I love how Matt takes his role so seriously, and seeing the inner struggle to maintain order among his wacky ensemble. ❤

[@Christolphi]

I watched exandria unlimited first where Matt is like one of the kids, its still funny to watch him be the dad

[@TPBurrow]

Have you seen Exu Calamity? If not I highly recommend it even tho Matts not in it, its his world.

[@Christolphi]

@@TPBurrow I did watch calamity !

[@falcor2325]

“staaahhp its a very powerful magiikul itemm”

[@BenoHourglass]

I thought he was going to ask for a tongue, but then it got wholesome, then it got...

[@thefriendlyknight]

I have a nerf gun at my table now. Whenever the players start going off on long tangents, I shoot them. Or I used to. Now all I do is cock it and they get quiet.

[@givemeanaxe]

Eeh... yah No.

[@thefriendlyknight]

@Give Me An Axe they started blaming me for not making progress in the campaign when they were spending most of the time chattering. I gave them what they wanted. They do also find it funny

[@givemeanaxe]

@@thefriendlyknight as long as everyone signs off on it, theres not an issue. Its just not something id sign off on.

[@christopher3226]

I wish I'd thought of this when I DM'd, specifically for phone usage.

[@Adderkleet]

Gotta love the casual Rez reference.

[@harrisjones2190]

I will admit, I assumed at first that it meant a dildo which also functions as a telescope.

[@matthewt4991]

You should see it in the MERCH!

[@proverbialking3452]

So being a DM is a good litmus test for being a parent...

[@psyberian]

Being the long term internet guy (started around 95') in our group I've had similar incidents with by friends. One time playing D&D about 10 years ago (maybe longer) someone got sprayed from some exploding thing and covered in goo. I think giant spiders met a warhammer. I made the joke using the term used in Japanese adult content when a person is covered in goo and I got blank expressions from everyone and had to explain the joke.

[@TimpanistMoth_AyKayEll]

That term shows up twice in the Critical Role transcript database. The first time was in their THIRD EVER EPISODE (and then again early in C3). 😂

[@zpiotroski]

when sam said "I've only done it the old fashioned way" I had to pause for a moment XD like what do you mean??? Dial up?? XD

[@patrickjohnson1649]

0:40 Don’t worry Matt, I understood that reference.

[@DaermaeonBranKor]

“I’ve only done the old fashioned kind.” …dial up?

[@trutty]

I am one hundred percent confident that I will never make a better joke than freshlight

[@nikiballerini]

I still don't fully get it 🙈 help

[@DeusMachina71]

I have that exact same Heilung tour shirt she's wearing 😆

[@joshkaid]

Matt ACTUALLY got mad! Holy shit!

[@xenosaga8436]

I wonder if this is goin to be their next line of merch.

[@Endlessvoidsutidos]

and then Laura's like HEY GUYS GUESS WHATS COMING TO THE CRITICAL ROLE SHOP :D

[@BeardManC]

The look on Marisha's Face says "I have one or more of those at home, and I know all about them~"

[@essielayn]

Thursdays - BEST day of the week!!🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

[@TPBurrow]

You're the best!

[@DiehardMechWarrior]

When this first aired, immediately I started thinking about Lovsense(sp?) because of course I follow a few…raunchy folks over on Twitter. I remember thinking “So THAT’S the technical term for those Lovsense toys!” 😂😂

[@psyberian]

yep, I sat in on a lecture at a computer security convention about how they are used as a point of entry to get information and even activate and control by more unscrupulous people. Really interesting and scary.

[@OG_Wonder_Woman]

@@psyberian What!? I don't get it. You mean a hacker can take control of the toy and...what? Turn it up? Don't threaten me with a good time! As long as it doesn't have any cameras or mics, it seems pointless for them to hack in, right?

[@psyberian]

@@OG_Wonder_Woman kind of, yes. Really that is sexual assault. They also can get any sensor information. Temperature and the like. Individually not useful, but a single users browser history isn't either. But you add a few thousand users and that data becomes valuable. The internet is Way scarier then people think.

[@OG_Wonder_Woman]

@@psyberian Hmm, interesting. I guess it would be a painless assault for about 1 second, but then we'd just remove the toy. Very different compared to a real assault where someone is shoving something inside a person and doing damage. I have seen people doing self bondage on the internet, though, so I guess in that case maybe the victim couldn't remove it quickly. I get what you mean about the data. I know there are bluetooth kegel exercisers that connect to an app and measure vaginal strength. That's pretty private info, and paired with other data on the phone, that could be bad. I think the biggest issue would be toys for long distance partners that do have audio or visual for them to hack in. But personally I'm more concerned about the roombas filming you while you pee, shower or have sex and sending that data to human employees. I'll vacuum my own house!

[@wellgaroa]

I miss some human made subtitles, to get some jokes, my english is not the best .-.

[@beginbooming]

ordah!... ORDAH!!!

[@brentchatterley9168]

Everyone is playing a Bard.

[@craigg9742]

The first time I heard that word was in the early 90s on the evening news. They attached to computers with a cable over the serial port. You youngin's might need to google what a serial port is.....

[@Sairin13]

Didn't need to explain it, they were getting the thrust of the conversation

[@jubajuice]

Teledildonic is my new favorite word

[@Lilac_Lotus]

Matt looked so genuinely uncomfortable and unhappy here, I feel a little bad for him.

[@flameburst93]

Tonight Critical Role is sponsored by Hello Freshlight!

[@cynthiagarrison5082]

I recently went back and watched campaign 1 again. Matt looks so young. I like the way he interacts with the group. The group can get a little crazy 🤪 sometimes but Matt's is so stoic. I like it when he let's loose.. 🤯🥳🥸🙉

[@BowChickaHonkHonk1]

Mine is really old school - ham radio. Well, beef curtain radio, I guess.

[@andrewhemphill8999]

if i ever got involved with a d&d group like this you would never get me away from the table.

[@wcookiv]

The falafel mouse was around a few ghosts.

[@plasma8638]

I need one of these so I can control it myself through my computer

[@rune5416]

These are professional voice actors people 😆

[@David_Apollonius]

Rod of Vibrating. When you push the button it... vibrates. Common magic item. Do with this what you want.

[@myheartismadeofstars]

Players proceed to use it for everything BUT what it was clearly intended for

[@sandpiperr]

@@myheartismadeofstars And, what would that be? I mean, seriously, if we're not thinking vibrator, I don't know what the "clear intention" of a vibrating rod is supposed to be! What would be the use of that?

[@myheartismadeofstars]

@@sandpiperr my joke was that it was obviously MEANT to be a vibrator! And that it would never be used as such. And that's anything from being used as an actual personal massager (I personally have a character who did this 😂 he's not innocent or anything, he has a very active life with his gf, but he's a himbo) all the way to like... casting Thaumaturgy on it so it sounds like something big or like a lot of them to act as a scare tactic or distraction. Or using it to crush things into a powder. The sillier and more removed from the intended usage the better

[@Crazmuss]

Bluetooth is older than wifi, they are just unaware!

[@saccherrirhysha2660]

Thought I was hearing a new dinosaur name while s Matt was wrangling the cats.

[@nikkifoster9943]

Someone slipped some aphrodisiac into the drinks at the table or something 🤣

[@usern4metak3ns]

We all know who it was...

[@fredmonroe6042]

Poor Matt🥲

[@greenredblue]

If only someone had left their phone on the table and received a text. Bzzt bzzt.

[@liamtaylor4955]

Oh my god the banter is so terrible look how mortified Matt is and they could edit it out of the final production if they... actually believed it.

[@chychywoohoo]

They don't know what Bluetooth is...?

[@harley8047]

*Me laughing in dial up land-line teledildonic* Get on my level, former gob-woman!

[@DragnBoi65]

This is revenge for being shushed earlier in the session. Change my mind. Lol

[@BowChickaHonkHonk1]

"Start the FRESHLIGHT, the bedtime toy that feels right - TELE-DILDONIC, CHRONIC INSANE!" Dum dum DUM dum dum dum, dum dum dum dum dum dum dum.

[@LordPratticus]

Damn, that felt like some real frustration :/

[@UltimaKeyMaster]

Sam: Wi-Fi So does that mean regular fleshlights are Ethernet?

[@roberonin7400]

If i remmeber correctly matt became a DM because he couldnt enjoy dnd games he was trying to take part in because it all became silly sex jokes and bad role play !

[@Trueglich]

You can just tell in Matt mind hes thinking ... If i was't being paid so well i whould not be here...

[@alphangelbug]

What did Marisha say? I can’t catch it.

[@lucasconsoli4613]

"Freshlight" a wordplay between Fresh Cut Grass and Fleshlight

[@texteel]

"fresh light". As in Fresh Cut grass, so the device is more "on brand"

[@usern4metak3ns]

It won't be fresh after sam uses it...

[@macromicro1715]

Oddly, seems pretty marketable actually

[@SyrinoxNight]

Wow I know way too much about what they're talking about.

[@Yotun-of-the-WWW]

Marisha might have Telemetry

[@dnf-dead]

🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣

[@finnfarechild]

I couldn't tell what she said

[@TheCritterPeddler]

Teledildonics? what happened to good old couch-play?

[@sandpiperr]

JD Vance approves of this comment!

[@kurtisdiston4851]

I begin to understand why there was so much 'butt stuff' in Vox Machina