Common Signs of Avoidant Personality Disorder

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

Sounds like the problems of children who come from narcissistic homes 😢 but we can heal from it. 😊Thank you Darren. 😊

[@WynneL]

That can be true based on those I've talked to who have this disorder besides myself, but in my case, my parents both show almost all the symptoms while I have shown every single one. I think rather than being all that narcissistic, they are simply deeply insecure people who projected and imparted their issues onto me.

[@sayusayme7729]

🧡

[@michellebaca1024]

Hahsha I just asked that question Can having a covert, narcissist, mother, lead to having avoidant personality traits?

[@pamelariley6694]

I think so.

[@polly6336]

Thank you Darren. I was told I have traits of anxious/ avoidant personality disorder and pretty much fit the description you give here. For me, I think it at least partly stems from being autistic and having trouble in social situations. A fear develops when, despite doing your absolute best, you manage to upset or offend someone. I've also been accused of making faces at people including teachers/ lectuers, which I would *never* do on purpose. It's far easier to stay quiet and/ or secluded as a result. Best wishes and Happy Christmas.

[@WynneL]

Just to clarify: there's a fairly large difference between anxious/avoidant attachment disorder, and Avoidant Personality Disorder. AvPD is about a person who's essentially afraid of the whole world, including a tendency towards agoraphobia, whereas someone with avoidant attachment prefers independence and self-reliance rather than being comfortable with romantic intimacy. So, romantic trust issues without any easy cure would be avoidant attachment style, while AvPD would mean that if another person can find a way to convince you they TRULY love and appreciates you no matter how weird you are or how awkward you might be, they'll feel like a very safe place in a scary world.

[@sayusayme7729]

Awaiting diagnosis, autism (have ADHD)completely relate. Thank you History of abuse from narcissistic parents

[@pavanatanaya]

In a culture with vipers who lead with their own certain opinions. Introverts will avoid situations as a means of self care

[@AgendaInMind]

Exactly. I’ve eliminated all the toxic people in my life, yet the biggest one, my covert narc father is still in my life with only a short time left. He’s determined to make me his punching bag and family scapegoat because he hates his family, and only values his co-toxic validators who have equally abusive personalities. Abusers stick together.

[@simonandrews4355]

And we abused folks are sticking together too out in the light with our shared and growing insight. 👍🏻 Their bleak darkness will never win in the end.

[@anniemac7545]

Introversion is NOT Avoidant

[@Anony584]

Look at this viper talking about opinions that they don't agree with

[@simonandrews4355]

@AgendaInMind Now their cover is blown, and the trick is over, we, their adult children are sticking together too. The power of honest communication and shared insight lies with us!

[@deku3i]

Having AvPD is hell.

[@yvetteandjorgenlarsen9753]

Darren, I'm so grateful just to be ABLE to write my comments here, and to read others'. This video has shaken me up a bit! I looked inward, and I'm concerned about my own well-being. I may have been too tired to listen to this at 1 a.m. last night... But I recognized that I need things I can't get for myself-- things that have to do with love, close friendship, togetherness, life with someone who cares, who takes time to care for me, too. My story is such a sad, bizarre, and twisted tale! And I'm sure you've heard so many by now... But it could've been a dark and tragic story like you see on TV, on "48 Hours"-- if it wasn't for my Lord God himself making a way for me to escape, AND making it impossible for me to go back after I was hoovered. (Yeah, I said dark and tragic.) I've been put through a lot as a younger widow over the last 12 years, but this was the coup de gras. Yes, my covert n-ex has got really serious dark problems, but I just realized I don't have to be concerned about him anymore! Thank you, Darren, for teaching me what I needed to know to bring me to this place right now where I could make that statement! Honestly, it's such a great relief! Smile, wave 🤗 and Take a Bow on camera during your next live stream... just say it's for one of your newer viewers who's had a breakthrough (while commenting, no less!) and requested it of you. I think everyone will completely understand! Because Darren, You're a Gift to us. I'm very grateful for you, for who you are. You are humble and personable, faithful, as you really desire to help-- and that's why you do! God bless you! I'm going to watch this video again with this fresh attitude and get back to you. Shalom!

[@pulp3215]

Wow i’m 37 and just realized this is me to a tee. I needed to watch this but i don’t want any medication, thx for the info Darren

[@balsalmalberto8086]

"The dreams in which I'm dying Are the best I've ever had" ...

[@Beantastrophe]

Very common to mistake this with covert narcissism

[@nano7586]

Yep. But covert narcissists tend to hurt you and you will notice that quickly. APDs are probably more self-critical.

[@777-h6n]

It’s the same red flags unfortunately. Not a big difference. My opinion. I’m secure😊

[@777-h6n]

@@nano7586No! They cause emotional abuse with ghosting, silent treatment and stonewalling. They lack self awareness and are unable to self reflect. I’m secure😊

[@MasterDrawer101]

I agree with you salvador8923, AVPD is hell. It is the fuel that feeds the continuous loop of self loathing, and crippling self criticism that prevents me from having any meaningful and fullfilling social life. Im 56 years old and this is the first time Im able to put a name to my character flaw that is AVPD. Well I guess thats a start. Another symptom that only a few talks about is the problem of living in the past, and wallowing in the resentfulness of all the embarrassments and negativity.

[@cathybaldock]

I may have AvPD. The only way I can describe it is that it is like there is an invisible barrier between you and others, where you want to engage and you know how to.... and yet, it kinda feels impossible. And if you try to do it despite the fear, other people sense your unease and become uncomfortable themselves 😢. Even subtle things make a difference and i find it goes both ways- I've found others avoid me in repsonse. And then cue the cycles of feeling dejected and despondant and the self hate that goes alongside it, and the picking myself up again, until the next fall. You keep going because it could be worse, but it sometimes feels hopeless. I'm not afraid to open up in close relationships, but i rarely feel a deep connection.

[@SuzieNewzie]

Hi Cathy, thanks for your description. I was just wondering, do u live in the UK? I would love to ask you some questions if possible ? I’m dealing with something similar…

[@cathybaldock]

@@SuzieNewzie sure, I can answer some questions. Yes, I'm in the UK.

[@Teaselpoppy]

I think I may have this. I avoid work, parties or any interactions other than with close family. I can't deal with friendships and find relationships difficult.

[@anniemac7545]

I have Complex ptsd and am Avoidant PD also....and now live as a recluse

[@simplypositiveme]

Recluse...me too.

[@Cyclone546]

Me too! Being around people is exhausting.

[@deku3i]

I’m a recluse as well, I don’t leave my home at all.

[@Cliohna]

@anniemac7545 May I ask: what is the difference between the two? Thanks a bunch.

[@ellelusina1993]

Another common sign is that I can identify every model in the the background.

[@yvetteandjorgenlarsen9753]

LOL! Possibly you and at least 40% of everyone else

[@simonandrews4355]

Hi Darren, thanks as ever for a helpful video. I'm interested as to where this personality challenge comes from. I ask because an older long retired friend was very destructively fathered by a truly nasty, highly critical, narcissistic man and my friend shows many of the traits you've described here. He is withdrawn and very unhappy and sometimes depressed for years. I've been trying to encourage him towards counselling/ psychotherapy but he quietly but definitely declines to consider that. Thanks 👍🏻.

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

Thank you for a very informative video Darren. You have explained it so well. 😊

[@psychicconsultant453]

Thank you for this

[@TC-gx3qn]

Very interesting, Darren-and I have a question for you. If someone stays in close contact all of the time and then chooses to not be there only when you need them most (crisis), would that also fall under this?

[@orah12185]

Thank you for the clarity.

[@Lacehairwigs]

They also self sabotage potentially good relationships by ending it for silly reasons. Gets offended easily.

[@777-h6n]

Yes! It’s so weird😂

[@jay-rpoz3235]

Hi Darren. Could you also discuss the etiology or causes of avoidant Personality disorder?

[@AgendaInMind]

For me, my covert narcissistic father picked on me and criticized me growing up. He was also neglectful and repeatedly cheated on my mother over and over, and she stayed due to her own family traumas. Toxic families destroy their kids.

[@simonandrews4355]

@AgendaInMind But we survive and we can in time learn to become strong.

[@AgendaInMind]

@@simonandrews4355 Thank you. I have since joined a 12 Step group for dysfunctional families. It’s helping already!

[@glendavis1266]

Yes what are the causal factors. I believe my spouse has this!

[@Angie-1111]

This is very insightful. Thanks for sharing

[@bonnielee316]

Darren McGee, hi I have a question. When I googled avoidant PD one article said that they can have many sex partners. How could this be if they have all of that fear and social anxiety? It makes no sense especially since being naked is being vulnerable as well as other aspects like what if the partner wants intimacy? Shouldn’t that freak them out? Also, it sounds like you are saying, social inhibition. Oh ok so not inhibited means not afraid to do social interactions; yeah, how do they get past that in order to have sex? Why in the world did that article say that seeing that it goes against the whole idea of the disorder? Thanks!

[@narcabusefreezone6798]

Well you probably should listen better. He also said that AVPD causes people to act in ways that avoid conflict AND REJECTION. If a person with AVPD believes that the only way to keep their partner around is to sleep with them, they likely will. They're likely to go along with WHATEVER a partner wants to avoid conflict. WTF are you talking about? Again, the article probably stated it because IT'S TRUE, people with AVPD AGAIN, go along with things to AVOID CONFLICT AND REJECTION.

[@bonnielee316]

@ narcabusefreezone6798, Thank you for your response. They want to avoid conflict at any cost makes me think of ghosting, hiding out, stuff like that. What am I talking about? Ok, specifically, narcopaths ( narcissim and psychopathy co-morbid with or without avoidant ).That means two or more personality disorders simultaneously occurring called: co-morbid. People who play games with people and use many people for sex and hook-ups who ghost you, give you the silent treatment when you confront them on something; who claim that they can’t help themselves. That they do it to everyone, I.e. friend and family who beg them to go into therapy but who refuse to. They will come up with excuses like it’s anxiety disorder. The KZbin have creators that claim that this type of person is avoidant attachment style. I think some claim avoidant personality disorder but when you jump down into the comment section people say, b.s. they’re narcopaths. That they are doing it deliberately. So I’ve been thinking about it and I wonder if the DSM-5 says that they lack empathy because if they don’t then that would mean that the players are not just avoidant personality disordered but are co-morbid with a personality disorder that is known to lack empathy. I’m just trying to cut through the bull. And I’m thinking that that article that I read is bull. So what I did was is Google the DSM-5 definition on avoidant PD to see for myself but I fell asleep. I will have to finish that. Thank you. And don’t come at me saying that I’m dumb and naive for falling for a player's game; like I said, there’s a lot of bad information out there and it will mislead people. The KZbin channels are about how to keep or get back with the avoidant, but their examples sound like psychopaths, players playing games. That’s going to mean that people are being misled, in my opinion to stay with the avoidant to work it out when they may not be just avoidant. You clear it up by knowing exactly what an avoidant is.

[@CharingCross712]

No need to be belligerent

[@yvetteandjorgenlarsen9753]

​@@narcabusefreezone6798we could have done without your first sentence, and your attitude is pretty poor.

[@777-h6n]

They do. Chasing that dopamine unfortunately

[@billywayne9039]

I thought this was common but hey a nice handy label.

[@helenarubio3371]

this is me

[@bonnielee316]

@ helenarubio3371, Hi. I googled avoidant PD and the article said that they can have many sex partners. How could this even be possible after hearing all of these symptoms? Would you happen to know? Also, there are tons of KZbin videos calling some lovers in relationships, avoidant, meaning that they can have sexual encounters but don’t want intimacy and ghost because of that. These videos try to give advice on how to help out the avoidant. People in the comment section write: Don’t! Run! Thanks!

[@helenarubio3371]

Bonnielee, I am a hermit, a recluse.

[@bonnielee316]

@ helenarubio3371, Thanks. I watched a video on it by Jim Brillon. In his definition it is all pervasive. To me that means in the sex life as well. He did mention that some have relationships but even still there will be difficulty. Someone in the comment section objected and figured that the disorder should make it very hard for them to be able to even get into a relationship. I conclude that that article, that I read, must be wrong. Then I looked up the DSM-5 definition and started reading but then didn’t finish because I fell asleep. That’s where a better answer should be found. Thank you.

[@narcabusefreezone6798]

Why are you asking the same question to everyone? Do your own research.@@bonnielee316

[@CharingCross712]

@@narcabusefreezone6798 Why are you so belligerent?

[@juliaannegrider5734]

Can people of this type of personality disorder tend to use Alcohol and/or drugs to face other people social situations and relationships??

[@provocativelypoor]

Yes.

[@michellebaca1024]

Could having a covert narcissist, mother lead someone to posses traits of avoidant personality disorder?

[@dubliner1303]

Could do with some more videos from you.

[@bartlevenson7851]

he already made a ton of them, Jack!

[@happycat0411]

Great informative video on AVPD Darren! The information is very accurate as well. AVPD does also appear to stem from early mental trauma when the individual is very young. Combine that trauma with very poor parenting and you end up with an individual who becomes profoundly socially inept at dealing with people. Those who do have AVPD will also show co-morbidity with other mental disorder such as narcissism, learned helplessness, addiction, poor social skills, and general overall poor hygiene due to their poor self-esteem.

[@narcabusefreezone6798]

Narcissism is NOT a mental disorder, it is a personality problem, poor social skills, and bad hygiene also aren't mental disorders.

[@SteeleMagnolia]

This! The narcissism included here is what I've witnessed in my fiancee's 20 y/o son, but couldn't quite grasp how it "fit in" with all of the other traits of his AVPD. I've often wondered, how does he manage to exhibit the audacity to be so arrogant, and yet so childish, entitled and ignorant at the same time.

[@happycat0411]

@@SteeleMagnolia Usually one of the very common mental disorders associated with AVPD is narcissism as narcissism becomes a highly dominant coping mechanism especially in adults. I have found both NPD and AVPD in one of family member as well and they show strong signs of both NPD and AVPD (the common term for this in psychology is "co-morbidity"). Typically when one finds one mental disorder they are accompanied by other mental disorders as well. Mental disorders are not typically found in isolation. Hope this helps!

[@SteeleMagnolia]

@@happycat0411 Thank you so much for this info, as it does make so much sense.

[@happycat0411]

@@SteeleMagnolia BTW, the reason why mental disorders and usually not found in isolation is the brain (ego) generates alternative coping mechanisms to deal with the problem(s) it is confronted with. Often you will see +3 mental illness altogether. it's the ego way of trying to cope with the stress it has to deal with. If a person with a mental problem does not get treatment before their late 20s or early 30s what happens is after the body stops growing at this point and the mental disorders become ingrained permanently into the individual's personality for the remainder of their life. This is why mental health treatment is especially important while they they are still in their late 20s. Once the body stops developing the mental disorder become a permanent of the individual's personality.

[@ScottFrick-m2h]

how about a link to adhd?

[@tatimazca5841]

The ones i've met have solid big group of friends, are very attractive, have successful careers or solid financially but they're a failure in intimate relationships. They get the ick unexpectedly. I'm not sure what you've mention is 100% accurate because an avoidant can be extrovert or introvert.

[@JokerJoker-n2w]

You should talk about fearful avoidant attachment styles

[@puddlesplasher7]

Some of this sounds like ocd stuff... how can i know the difference between ocd vs avoidant pd?

[@Ariadne76-k3d]

You forgot to mention the harm they do to other people. I worked for someone like that. It was a nightmare. He was very selfish and lied all the time. Whatever made HIM feel better. No one else mattered. He let people run roughshod over us and ignored emails. And then he was surprised when I left! I still hate him. His wife had some kind of mental issues and supposedly couldn't work . Great for him, because that we she was dependent and probably made him feel more competent.

[@nano7586]

Have you considered he could have been a vulnerable narcissist?

[@provocativelypoor]

This doesn't sound like AVPD at all.

[@777-h6n]

Exactly! They cause others damage, trauma and I’m secure. My first Avoidant friend and wow! I graciously wished him well. Never chase anyone😂

[@777-h6n]

@@nano7586The same from a secure persons perspective. No time for that BS!😂

[@777-h6n]

@@provocativelypoorIt is!

[@ravenmeyer3740]

And why is that? Other people are mob like and why bother with them. People annoy me anyway. People are dangerous and it’s best to stay away. I express how I feel and piss them off. People use your information as a weapon against you. You aren’t presenting the other side of the coin, or why people stay away from others.

[@randommess6667]

So true, i would like to live somewhere secluded in the sticks with no other people living nearby, people are often noisy rude and annoying lol like why would i want to deal with people all the time, i have more peace inside my mind when i dont mix with them

[@kawboy14]

I was considering subscribing. Then I saw all the Star Trek, Star Wars crap in the background. 👎