The Accusing Nature of Narcissists

[@DarrenFMagee]

Transcript available on Substack darrenfmagee.substack.com/p/crazy-accusations and Patreon www.patreon.com/posts/outrageous-112658167

[@Teacher369]

Every accusation is a confession.

[@ninath13]

Exactly 💯🤣

[@danieljohnson2349]

Narcs : what ever they accuse you/others of doing , *they* are doing .

[@kimparke6653]

Everytime.

[@publicserviceannouncement4777]

Came here to comment exactly this! They sure tell on themselves and they don't even know it.

[@wannabecarguy]

I assume everyone wants to improve. Sometimes I offer advice. Sometimes I'm accused of being a " know it all". I'm sure I would be accused of narcissism.

[@danieljohnson2349]

@@wannabecarguy well , you do put off a vibe .

[@LittleNickyDreadz-md4wj]

Very concise n very correct✔✔✔, thank you for your comment; when I read it, it was almost like an epiphany, i already thought that was what was happening to me, but you've confirmed my gut feeling........

[@creativelife2585]

"Accuse strangers of being the vilest people they've never met" 🤣

[@MarianMurphy-rz8ej]

People have an evil eye right now. They break into my head. The Bible says it makes men unclean. The implications are horrific. We’re not meant to have this. If this is insinuating this to me I do find the implications of it to be vile. But I hope people repent to the Lord Jesus. So I stand by this.

[@JacquesDeKoker-f3g]

Worst ever decision to have been in narc relationship They want u to constantly fight for them but there is nothing to fight for

[@publicserviceannouncement4777]

And they constantly want to fight you too. It's exhausting. It's suppose to be a companionship not a competition.

[@CelestialLuna888]

💯 % with y’all!

[@DaughterofDiogenes]

I’m AuDHD and have learned over the last year or so that I attract narcissists like a magnet. It’s very exhausting. It started with me thinking I was a narcissist but through therapy found that while there is overlap in behaviors the foundations, motivations, and everything else is different. I can’t even understand where my narc husband is coming from. It’s so strange. But being with him probably did the most damage to my mental health because I really blamed myself for everything. It’s just a sad situation to be in.

[@Lyrielonwind]

When I was a child I asked a girl about another at school. She talked bad about her but I decided not to pay attention and talked to her. We became best friends. That really annoyed the rest. I was asked, and I'm sure my friend was asked too, who dominated the other and I always answered, neither one of us dominated the other. That's the nature of narcissists. They can't understand equality. If I had paid attention to the criticism, I would have never had the best girl friend. We helped each other to overcome a rough passing from childhood to our teen years.

[@Cynthia-gk3fk]

I hope you treated your old friend well after you were elevated.

[@DaughterofDiogenes]

My husband is probably a narcissist. We split but had to continue to live together for financial reasons. I am afraid my 12 year old daughter is developing many of his traits but without the knowledge that they are toxic and should be hidden so she is like him on steroids. She is so hard to deal with. I love her so much but I feel so terrible for her. How can I get her help so she can grow through this faze. She refuses to open up to a therapist just agreeing with whatever they say to her. Tells them everything is fine, then comes home and unloads on us. It’s so so much. I’ve even watched her twist reality to fit her narrative in ways that seems absolutely insane. She only cares about her own feelings and nothing else. She has these moments of clarity where she acknowledges she has bad impulses and said she doesn’t want to be this way but it’s like she’s in a different world and can’t be reached by me anymore. I don’t know what to do for her.

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

Narcisists accusations are confessions. They project their junk onto you. We should not defend, engage, explain or personalise anything they do or say as dr Ramani advises. Thank you so much for your continuous help and support Darren. 😊

[@meanimeconingles]

The constant battle. My hair started falling

[@latebloomer7191]

Hi Darren. I'm new to your content and in just 2 videos, I'm learning a lot. Thank you.

[@MS-sp7nq]

Thank you! You explained my situation so perfectly and it’s been the most confusing relationship.

[@privateprivate8366]

You’ve always done something wrong, by just existing. They’ve never done anything wrong, that isn’t justifiable.

[@jeannieschmidt1773]

Or that isn't your fault

[@rosettesionne9139]

You always feel like an horrible person with them. Your flaws are expanded but your qualities are minimised. Everything you do or say is used against you and you find yourself questioning your self worth and apologising about anything bad that happened

[@margaretaklemming2492]

Yes sadly in my mother eyes I have no qualities none at all. But I still somehow fullfilled an education, my own firm, house, children and husband (whom she always puts her demands on). I offered her living with us, never obstructing or unobedient, praising her at her will, giving rides, expensive gifts, assisting. But always felt guilty and unsufficient, neither kind nor successful when leaving our encounters. Now I finally understand it is her words. She always has a lot of praise for herself and the neighbours kids, famous persons children or strangers daughters. Telling me how great they are, but always stay silent if I tell her about something I or my children happen to accomplish. We have to understand, they dont have any regard for anyone, not us, their friends, partners or grandchildren.

[@bereal6590]

This is so so so true!

[@ivovlot4094]

Very well said, exactly how I feel.

[@scovyaporsha]

​@@margaretaklemming2492Bless you hon ❤. Sending you Lots of love 💕

[@margaretaklemming2492]

@@scovyaporsha ❤️

[@Mama.bear.]

This is helpful. The emphatic lies and false accusations usually throw me for a loop. Not because I don’t intellectually know they’re false, but because his earnestness is so unsettling. He pushes through his arguments as though they’re as real and vital as the very air we breathe. So knowing he might actually believe this is helpful. He’s still in no way correct and is bordering on delusional, and this doesn’t lessen the harm he causes at all. But it helps me understand it and hopefully, be less rattled next time. Thank you!

[@waywardstitch8604]

Yes! You described my narc sis very precisely.👍🏼 💞

[@luzenidcabrerarivera4821]

Yes, anyone can believe their false accusations. They are really good at pointing fingers and convincing others that their judgements over their victims are true.

[@CornflowerBlues5]

I know EXACTLY what you mean! Took me years to realise "sincerity" does not actually mean "honesty" or even simply "reality".

[@sunnystardust1008]

@@luzenidcabrerarivera4821 My eldest brother turned the golden child against me. And he was like a dad toward me during certain times. We had a decent relationship but now bc of a false accusation that he said sounded pretty convincing, I'm just no contact all around.

[@sunnystardust1008]

@@CornflowerBlues5 I do not know how to distinguish this many times. What has helped you?

[@SusieRobinson-v7m]

So this explains why they accuse others of EXACTLY what they have just done....it explains the insane hypocrisy. That's something I had some struggles understanding. It's obvious when explained. Thank you Darren.

[@CelestialLuna888]

It is weird AF to me. Having that done to you is mind boggling

[@quartytypo]

I never win arguments with narcissists. They are too well practiced. The only thing I do with narcissists is I don't give them what they want.

[@ruthhay608]

Thanks for this. You hit every point narcissists use and misuse.

[@bereal6590]

This video is spot on. My mother has even projected my overt narcs faults onto me! She is covert. They just don't care how they make others feel. Can say now after a long time working this out that if they both disowned me I'd feel relief!

[@luzenidcabrerarivera4821]

You described my narcissistic husband. I've dealt with his accusations all these years. And they do make you doubt or believe that the accusations are true. They are very good at this.

[@belindablunderbus1365]

Just yesterday, my father who I pretty much cut off, texted me and accused me of the exact thing he did, just after I'd said "Don't gaslight me" It would be funny if he hadn't chosen such a personal topic. They walk among us. 🚩

[@sarahyip2825]

You have meaningfully covered many layers of why wild accusations get the life they do. These made up narratives influence family n friends who buy into the nonsense without fact checking with the victim! That is craZEE! You could consider giving the points here the depth they deserve with more than the one or two sentences that you give. Very great points but not enough emotional input maybe. Edit: A second viewing has me appreciating this content more now that I get the way you put your point across illustrated with great examples! I was in a hurry during the first viewing. Learnt a new phrase from you-low resolution thinking! No wonder. This video is so on point.

[@PacificNWGrl]

I love love your channel! Your energy and voice is soothing and brings a comfort to such a totally disturbing topic. I think most of us have been traumatized and you make me feel calm. Thank you! 💛

[@jeankipper6954]

Thank you Darren. So true of them. So helpful to take away their lies and give tools to deal with them. My favorite is distance, 1,000 miles works quite well. Have you spoken to what I've heard as toxic positivity? How to defend ourselves from probably nice, well-meaning people who dribble sheer tripe in attempting to "help." "Just think positively." "Just treat them as you'd like to be treated." "Just x, y, z," their take on the situation. "He's your father, or she's your mother, treat them well," because it ought to be that way. Well sure, it ought to be that way. But it is not.

[@ItIsJustJudy]

Yep, those are my two elder siblings. The eldest accused me of so many things.

[@electricLuLuland]

When i was 10 my mother ordered me to do her laundry. She'd never taught me how. I put some silk shirts in the dryer & was accused of doing it on purpose to shrink them so i could wear them. Im sixtyfkntwo & STILL am flabbergasted by that.

[@aw5137-q8q]

Only a very twisted mind could come up with something like that! She's just nuts!

[@CelestialLuna888]

Ha. All of my ex boyfriend’s projections of me supposedly “cheating” did the opposite for me. He thought he was getting to me (I let him think that) but in reality all it did was push me faaaaaaaar away from him. So glad he’s gone. These people are basket cases. If you’re being accused of anything (and you truly are NOT doing those things) get out of that relationship (silently) ASAP. Go NO contact & block them everywhere. All you will get from being with one of these creatures is a nightmare. And complex PTSD.

[@meanimeconingles]

My parents are both narcissistic. Imagine. I asked for permission to pass behind the chair. I got yelled at. And gaslit as always. They back each other up, I'm always the violet sheep

[@caroleminke6116]

Make projections your friends 😉 easy way to see what the narcissist is up to!

[@almondmilksoda]

Projections are the narc telling on themselves. 👁️

[@ErinAbou]

2:34 right here, this was done to me this past week at work by a coworker. Brought me to tears. There was no way this coworker would ever admit to fault or apologize. Gaslighting went on, confusing me at the time. Making me second guess my experience and knowledge. She doesn’t like that I have an existing relationship with the students we are teaching. Sigh.

[@djhrecordhound4391]

Just before she dumped me with lame excuses, my ex-gf complained that her mom was accusing her of sleeping with her stepdad... ...her boy is named after the stepdad, and the kid definitely has his looks. Also, I learned she was boarding bus drivers while we dated. Bullet dodged.

[@mshowell3710]

This is greatly insightful & helpful! Thank you!

[@lindsay.newman]

thank you, very well explained

[@marycampeau9378]

omg you described my sister exactly

[@fionasmovies]

Narcissists are so PROUD of being maladjusted. In Canada I'd say it's because they spent so much money on it.

[@ilovemelodyjane]

All the empaths: 😱

[@MT-tx7bu]

It is so frustrating, but it has nothing to do with us. They aren't equipped to handle issues. It's best to say, 'I get that you're angry and I can see that." Nothing more needs to be done.

[@mattw8332]

One of my sisters is a narc. She is 7 years older than me, so that was interesting growing up in the same household. 🤨 Our other sister and I are estranged from her. She thinks that we're worse than Aldof Hitler when all we have done is assertively defend ourselves when attacked.

[@RaHB7]

Thanks Darren! I wondered why I was repeatedly accused of inviting the neighbours in, to have sex with them. My narc ex-husband of 25 years used to wake me up most nights to search the bed to find the neighbour. I bought a small bottle of perfume and he said that only witches use that to trap their victims. It had to be thrown away. Adding drugs to his food to make him sleep after dinner was another regular accusation (not a bad idea, actually!) He said it didn’t happen when he dined elsewhere. When he started to physically punish me for these abominations, I had to separate for my own protection.

[@publicserviceannouncement4777]

Whenever someone points the finger, there's also three more pointing back at them. 👉

[@RubeeRoja]

Word for word the behavior of my husband

[@leslieschumacher892]

I would laugh at the bizarre & rediculous accusations--sound like tabloid headlines, but then there are the ones related to my children where they are typecast as having too low of IQ to care for their children when they are doing a wonderful job but are avoiding the narcissist's values of competitiveness & having to be the "very best". Totally different values but scary during a divorce when custody & child visitation are at stake.

[@jenniejones9711]

You do have a point regarding several behaviors related to the social norms of sub-groups. People have failed to understand the harsher reality of ‘products’ that did not meet the guidelines of English against ‘highly qualified professionals’. How does someone know about fax machine that other supposedly ‘professionals’ disregard the difference between businesses/private of home ownership? What about when several professionals who can see the horrible contradictions between ‘usage’ of the ‘third party/parties professionals’ just to ‘damaged control against other deaf (oral) and deaf blind people for speech related as nonexistent individuals? Is everyone going to continue to ignore the actual ‘real’ services/disservices toward individuals who are in need of other ‘professionals’ for the completion of the appropriate ‘paperworks’? Between the social norms of subgroups, why would they continue to ‘pretend’ that our services as an educator must work ‘for free’ /zero finances just so they can forced educators to be homeless because non-educators wants the products of usage ( home systems)? If others observed the subgroups who does not want anything to do with ‘print’ like the forms, books, guidebooks for educators, and textbooks, is that fair to the USA citizens when both subgroups do not recognize or respect the policy of both products and school’s policies related to the ‘emergency phone lines/services/disservices’ just to avoid ‘deaf blind’ and hard of hearing/deaf individuals???

[@SChiasson3]

Thanks!

[@DarrenFMagee]

Thank you for your kind support I’m glad you find the content interesting

[@SChiasson3]

It resonates with a few people I trusted, unfortunately. I learn the hard way 😮

[@princessdaaahlingamor5798]

7:14 This sounds like Boderline Personality Disorder. How do we know if it’s Narcissistic Disorder or BPD? Or does it not matter ultimately? Seems like treatment works better for BPD than Narcissists?

[@nugget6635]

BPD still has empathy. They just lack emotional intelligence because BPD is defined as a person who has pure emotion with no reasoning. A BPD person is genuinely stupid while an NPD just acts stupid on purpose to make you angry.

[@AnonAnon1]

What’s the difference between non narcissistic people and narcissist have a long memory for those things that have hurt them?

[@waywardstitch8604]

Firstly, your question is the type a non-narc would typically ask. A narc would never ask what's the difference between a narc who holds grudges and a non-narc who hold grudges. A narc uses a double standard, and thinks it's perfectly acceptable for them to hold grudges. But they think those they abuse should just get over it asap, or whenever the narc tells them to get over it. Here's a few more differences to make it clearer... Narcs lack self-awareness so are incapable of self-reflection. They are incapable of taking any responsibility for the harm they do. Or if they do take responsibility, it's a pretense, a manipulation, a diversion, fakery. Narcs wear a mask to disguise who/what they really are, and to disguise what they are really doing. Non-narcs are able to self-reflect, and are self-aware, and are able to take responsibility when they do harm. And non-narcs may be inclined to take responsibility EVEN when they do NOT do harm. Non-narcs tend to be mask-less, or only wear masks when trying to protect themselves from being abused and/or harmed by narcs. Narcs have a double standard, one set of rules for them, and a different set of rules for those who they abuse. Non-narcs believe the rules should be equal for everybody. HtH 💞

[@AnonAnon1]

@@waywardstitch8604 many thanks for this

[@johardy-bishop9105]

Darren. You have missed another characteristic which is that most of their sentences begin with “I ……….”

[@victoriavitoroulis3273]

Or projecting when it’s always “YOU “ .. your fault bc your breathing 😵‍💫

[@Quazgaa]

You gotta say it all sinister like a judge from the 1500s or something though. GEEE - YILLLTY

[@leponpon6935]

No wonder...something i find EXTREMELY hit n run frequent on the streets of Taiwan.

[@lizmonard]

Sounds very much like borderline personality disorder to me!

[@blackduck9867]

Great points, thank you for a video. That creatures we call narcissist Constant need for attention and admiration and lack of negative judgment(aka criticism) they call as SUPPORT, demand support and accuse you lacking SUPPORT. Support substitute with word synonyms LOVE, accuse of not loving them enough not that same as HATE. Accuse you in HATING them9that a sin), hating them is enemy they have special treatment for an enemy. These creatures are all about LOVE(support to them) and against HATE (lack of support to them, judging them negatively, only positive judgment please). Feels as all boils down to religion of them - ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE(to them) They teach others to LOVE(them). Some Jesus or his father fmily members - do not judge, obey comply, forgive, forget, love your enemy, unconditional this unconditional that to them blab la bla bla - all THEM they are teachers and spiritual guides teach dirty and flawed us how to support them. All in name of GoD of course(them).God you know has that accusatory streak.

[@blackduck9867]

And can to add to mentioned above that known from professional literate phenomenon of Group Narcissism when narcissists form a group crate their hive mind, pack, unity of like-minded narcissus and operate as one unit, have one mind for all - IMHO same as religion, cult, ideology you name it. Holy they as a collective group form sugar-sugar and spice and everything nice Group, pack, tribe and unwashed dirty flawed others. Have some virtues and enforce on others there is only one god and way - theirs - in this camp there is ONLY ONE CHIEF(them, Unity of them)!!! Through use of accusation they destroy reputation, run smear campaigns, assassinate character, cancel, demonize, bully, induce guilt, bully in to submission demand supply, resources, violate boundaries, enslave etc.. How to combat that?

[@blackduck9867]

I just wonder how to cope with such a ppl? I you live shrouded with such ppl of Holy Cow and refuse blessings of Holy Cow do not wash you sing in her urine. You get accused in being a some evil/guilty and treated accordingly. Do read in the news that in India some get murdered for eating beef(flesh of Holy cow) by devoted followers of Holy Cow - some religious wars. What experts have to say on that? I did not hear anything of value except going no contact, what to do when there are too many such ppl around - have no contact with any/most? What hundred pounds heads have to say on that?

[@blackduck9867]

And why comment about group narcissism get deleted? Hide something - never mention and speak about it? Works of Erich Fromm are not relevant anymore? What kind of therapist are these?

[@spaideman7850]

i show them(the narc and their flying monkeys) my middle finger of their accusations(smear campaigns did by the narc). it works fine. those who believe liars(infamous liar) than those who had never ever lied to them, don't deserve to be my relative/friend. that's my policy

[@kredit787]

I agree with that, because they are biased and prejudiced to believe only one side of the story. Like a judge who is content with hearing only one party in a dispute.