DATING ADVICE FOR FEMINISTS: Who Should Pay For The Date? | Shallon Lester

[@evano486]

I don’t pay for dates bc I don’t ask ppl on dates. If someone asks me out they should pay. Once I become someone’s gf then I might take them out but I’ve never asked someone on first date.

[@nofybn7794]

Yes, same. He asked, he pays. At least the first date, maybe until we are committed.

[@Oasis221]

Shallon is spot on - "friends coworkers split checks, buddies/pals/coworkers split checks, romantic people don't." Call me a spoiled brat, princess or whatever, I NEVER ever pay when I am out with a romantic interest, and I am lucky to have always attracted men with muscular energy and they never let me pay, period.

[@TheGreatLockdown]

AMEN, it's not about being a gold-digger, I can buy my own dinner. It's about the gesture and respect. If a guy let's me pay for any part, that's our first and last date.

[@amphindian]

I usually offer to split when I don't like the guy

[@mariarose7079]

yeah i do that too XD

[@MygirlsGJPB]

Yes its my " your not getting laid" signal

[@jenniferzhou8635]

Precisely! I think that's Shallon's point as well. If I can afford half (or even all of) the date, I'd offer if I don't plan on seeing them again LOL! It's a pretty clear signal. But even if the guy doesn't want to see me, it's still on his shoulders

[@Erika_-ze5ml]

You forgot about the amount we spend on TAMPONS and period products! And makeup wipes alone not even makeup. Getting our nails done and hair brushes. The list goes on forever.

[@pikapants2894]

I used to be one of those "it's the 21st century we split the check" kind of people, but she's absolutely right. We aren't treated as equals. We're expected to spend a lot money to look a certain way. Why should we pay as equals? Men only want us to be equals when it suits them. We put in so much effort for guys who can't be bothered. Let em pay.

[@unmuzzled7795]

Oh Shallon, I'm probably older than you, but I'm here to say 'you are 100% right about splitting a check.' My brothers were raised to pay for women on dates. It was part of the gig. And it gave them the feeling they were in a leadership role in inviting someone they like to enjoy a meal together. That's such a great quality. It's not like they're opposed to accepting a kind offer from a woman. But it is about when they invite someone out, they pay. That's just a masculine move.

[@Ashbyee]

I went out with a guy that would “forget” his wallet. Next.

[@CR-ce5lf]

LMFAO HA!!!!!! I would definitely get up and leave him there stuck on stupid.

[@dibac7425]

I don't even bother doing the fake purse grab anymore. I just stare boldy with a smile as he reaches down for his wallet.

[@SoniaAnastasiaaa]

LOL YAAAS SAME

[@jenniferzhou8635]

This comment made me cackle, LOL!

[@evano486]

I’m a feminist but put more effort into a date than my male counter part (and I almost always carry the conversation). I spend more money and time to get ready for a date than a guy does so the least he can do in my book is cover the tab. I think it’s more even that way. Also I’ve never had a boy complain about paying for a date and if he did I’d leave him lol the disrespect

[@CrystalDatingCoach]

He's insulting you. He saying "I'm not spending my Hard earned money on you" You're not worth it!

[@slynn360]

If a guy expects me to pay half the bill on a date, I do so without complaint. It's just he won't be getting a second date with me again and i'll delete his number and block him.

[@vaibhavsinghal1122]

So you are shrewd and a gold digger, okk got it

[@soystef]

Another way to handle the bill split if the guy wants you to pay: “Oh wow, I’m sorry I thought this was a date!” (say it genuinely, not sarcastically) and wait for them to self correct!

[@wurlycurlygirly]

I have experienced something from this. It becomes a habit that you split it...it slightly lessens your value as a companion.., You’ll treat him out spontaneously or for birthdays and it’s never reciprocated because you’re taken for granted. It’s like you’re becoming their mommy buying them what they point their finger at 😳... you eliminate yourself from being special and appreciated because YOU signalled for him to put you on the back burner of his life. **He doesn’t have to do much to please you...so he WON’T!** Full stop ladies 🛑 ✋ Don’t let this spiral from the start. Do it right, let him pay. Show him the damn way to treat you x

[@adw6894]

Paying for date is a part of chasing and masculine. Only cheap men don't. Real men, gentlemen love chasing. Real men feel it's his pleasure to pay for the lady he like. Her gratitude, her time, her feminine are all a real men need. Paying for date is no problem to a real men. Providing for women is masculine.

[@annareedbeauty]

I split the bill when I never wanna see them again. Like you said, I paid for the date already !

[@carmenel6907]

You speak TRUTH! I absolutely salute you for telling the unconventional and unpopular opinion. I am a feminist as well. I used to offer paying, pay my half or consider paying for the next dates so that I dont pass as a gold digger or as a bad feminist etc... But it was so stressful... From getting ready to making sure I have my money on me. And most of the time I end up feeling disappointed as to how much effort I make and the guy actually doesnt, a lot of times I find them not even wearing perfumes.. I always look on top. I found out I invest so much for someone who Im probably not gonna like? It just started to hit me. You wanna go on a date with me? You ask me, plan the date and pay for it and hope for the best! I'm gonna give you my time, my company, I'm beautiful you're gonna stare at me for a couple of hours. Im also smart n fun so you wont get bored n Im gonna smell good and be all perfect for that one moment. Besides, paying for the date is not even something very considerable, it's just basic. I must like you. You must put in as much effort as I do. If you dont pay, thats just a turn off. These mannerism never get old. Men and woman must have the same ' human rights ' because they're equaly humans. But we're different, we look different. We behave and function differently ' together '. Besides, a date does not cost a fortune, there's no way to relate it to gold digging. It's simple mannerism. You treat your girl right.

[@amyar129-w2]

I've been saying this for years! I'm so happy to hear another woman gets it! Yeah it costs $ to buy clothes for guys too, but bt the pink tax and having to buy dozens of more products, we spend so much more (even a plain Jane like me, I can't believe what some of my girls drop on extentions, mani/pedi).

[@dianafilip636]

You are so freakin' right! Unfortunately, men nowadays expect you to pay half, since its the "21st century"bla bla bla... but they don't consider those things that you have just listed in your video. Love how you think!!!!

[@christinamason3297]

It’s crazy this is even a question and not common sense? 🤦🏻‍♀️ for not only the first date but moooost of the dates!

[@vanessaloy1049]

I hope you never complain about men earning more than women.

[@winning3329]

Also ladies if a guy isn't really into you and just wants sex he will insist on splitting the check. A guy would never split the check if he was serious about you.

[@FSDD88]

This video should have more views. She preaches the truth! 🙏

[@en2336]

PLEASE make an updated video on gender roles and how we should be treated!

[@angelamills1007]

Finally someone gets it 😭 So many men r cheap these days if u don’t ask to go on a date u don’t pay .

[@heatblair]

So that happened to me on a date, where the guy wanted to split the bill. He was a proclaimed "male feminist," by the way. But he didn't discuss this politely with me at the table, or politely with me before the date. Instead, when the waitress asked if we were ready for the check, he announced really loudly "Split the bill in half!" I mean literally everyone could hear him, his voice was so loud. I mean, seriously?! Additionally, I didn't eat nearly as much as him, so splitting the bill in half basically meant that I was paying for a lot of his meal. So you know what I did? I stopped the waitress and said, "No, no. Don't split it in half. I'll pay for the whole thing." It totally emasculated him in that moment. Good. He doesn't get to act like the big man on campus if he's not going to literally be the big man on campus. In the end, we did end up splitting the bill, but I never went out with him again. This was almost a year ago and he still texts me every once in a while asking me to go out with him. No, buddy, no thanks.

[@Rita1984]

I just realized ive probably been dumped because i didnt offer to pay on dates. Guys, if she pays, youre stuck in the friendzone

[@loriannecaranchini6283]

Thank you Shallon! As a Psychotherapist I give advice too and love the advice you are giving out. I think I will share this video with my group so you may get some new listeners. Carry on.

[@souls2]

i feel bad for your patients

[@lachezara.slavova]

To be honest, ur advises make me actually feel what the real power of women is and makes my confidence go up. Thank u Shallon, u amazing, keep going!

[@skucha]

omg I so needed to hear this. thank you, it really reinforces my self worth. thanks so much

[@melartista]

I frickin' love you lady, and every word of advice you give!

[@i_am_platinum]

I have been on multiple dates and I only split the check once, and I did not talk to him again either 😂 Shallon is right.

[@SarahBurnette1007]

Relating to you so hard. I also have had some pretty terrible dates at fancy restaurants, and some of my best dates have been cheap AF. It IS about intention, making it a priority, listening, guys giving AF.

[@ThestorytellerofKatunga]

I learn from your channel.I had to grow up with tons and tons of alpha because my father was not there. I chat too much too much. I am hypervisual, educated and focused. Balancing has been a problem. Going on dates makes me incredibly nervous and I made mistakes ...I am making changes...slowly. Especially keeping quiet.

[@isabelechevarria2499]

Omg. I loved this; changed my perspective. You’ve just spared me the guilt ❤️ thank you!

[@deekircher21]

I never pay for a date. Men with respect should pay if they asked you out. If they say coffee I don’t go as not worth my time and effort getting ready. A meal in a cafe isn’t expensive and if they care about you they wouldn’t even expect you to pay half

[@Bakerygo]

If I want to send a man away I will refuse him to pay for me or any gifts. It makes it clear that he cannot buy me. If I accept those things it's because I already like him.

[@RP-ro9ci]

YOU ARE INCREDIBLE!!!! I love how honest you are!

[@carmindi5061]

If you let them pay, they feel like you owe them something...

[@sarasawyer2816]

Shallon your wisdom is endless and so is your generosity for sharing your knowledge🙏💖✨

[@violapastorino5845]

What an amazing KZbinr! I Loooove your videos thank you very much!! :)

[@hannahmercer9311]

LOVE THIS VIDEO!

[@avarosalia4309]

This video has really been helpful since I've been in this limbo of who pays and don't want to seem like a golddigger! It's funny too since the date you released the video is the exact date I started dating my boyfriend lol. Thank you Shallon

[@cayad2591]

Preach it GURL! I also think women paying for the date sets SOME men up to be lazy in the "relationship" (I said SOME not ALL ok? Don't come for me, Thank you!). My oldest friends don't get this. They were always the ones in relationships and I was forever unsuccessfully dating. Now they are single and they did not experience dating the vast array of different types of men that I did. I'm about to watch your video on why women should never ask a man out too, so curious to see what you have to say. I told my friend not to call this guy, but she didn't believe me. Needless to say it did not last long. Hey...what's wrong with Bed Bath & Beyond though?:)

[@JessicaPradoHanson]

I would have saved sooooooo much money if I had seen this before lol well actually before I wasn't really ready to apply this sort of thing. I dated broke guys because I felt guilty for coming from money. They used that to get a free ride including the guy that beat me unconscious who did that in my parents house! People with personality disorders are fucking insane. I see how I was manipulated into soooooo many things. I'm also bisexual and my one ex girlfriend was so spoiled because grew up in Dubai. They took the cracks in my self esteem and really used them against me. I've been working on my self esteem and self worth because I see how that was part of my abusive pattern. The way you explained this completely makes me challenge my beliefs.

[@Misbehave11]

Getting ready for the fucking date takes effort and that’s priceless!!!

[@annemarz]

This is amazing! Im definitely a feminist but I've wrestled for so long with these questions... something still always felt a little strange/unfair when I insisted on paying or splitting. I think these are great tips ❤

[@allam7828]

If a man asked me to chip in for a date... it will definitely be the last! If he asks me on a second date I would just answer “ sorry, I think I’m looking for someone more mature”. Because only a little boy needs help from a woman lol

[@G0ldwaves]

Every guy and girl need to know this.

[@christineesangbedo4789]

There is nothing wrong with being a clearance rack chic...there are some women who can shop a clearance rack and look better than another who shopped at Saks. Plus, it doesn't matter how expensive the clothes are. Every woman deserves to be treated on a date.

[@jeanine219]

LOVE YOU!!!!! You are a genius in these matters.

[@raewalker111]

Ugh. I love you and your advice so much!!!

[@veganlife9205]

YOU ARE AMAZING!! So smart and precious! Love your videos, thank you :)

[@karengarcia7236]

YESSSS!!! Thank you!!! I don’t want to be treated as an equal! I want to be treated better. I’ve been happily married for 5yrs (got married at 21 he was a few months to turning 20). He treats me better than an “equal”. He works hard to support and carter to me. He knows I LOVE being a stay at home mom, so he works hard for me to do so. Plus he gets home and helps around the house because s stay at home mom is 24/7 and he knows is tiring. If I don’t want to cook I don’t have to, if I don’t want to clean, he does it. I do not need to ask for money, when he gets paid i get direct deposit to my own account. I can spend when I want to without him questioning me. I feel very blessed to have a man that respects me, and that his parents raised him right.

[@rikurai9491]

Your videos makes a Difference! It made a Difference in my Life. Thank you

[@Lillyparkernewsom]

I totally agree with this though I wouldn't call this feminism. I was friends with an actual feminist over a decade ago and she always split bills, dinner etc. With her partner. Though I don't prefer to have that dynamic in my relationship, she was the most feminist woman I knew partially because of that

[@jewelintherough3840]

Haha, this is one of your best Shal!

[@SpookySkully777]

Oh Shallon, what I'd give for this confidence

[@jenn151337]

I always split the bill, most guys appreciate it I feel But idk sometimes I think I can be emasculating Yeah I just feel better if I end up ghosting him

[@iraneko6326]

I'm in love with Shallon. Thank you for existing 💗

[@izzyb6504]

SUCH GOOD ADVICE I LOVE YOUR VIDS GIRL ❤️❤️

[@socialite8218]

Yes we already “paid for the date.” 😂

[@李婧-p8l]

Oh that’s so on point! Love U!💕

[@sabifrieda]

What I always say to myself in situations when the check arrives is "There's still a gender pay gap girl, he can afford it"

[@vanessaloy1049]

There’s also a workplace fatality gender gap, too.

[@EvanescentParagon]

Women only want equality when it Benefits them.

[@minyarsalim9473]

well-said!

[@jenni230]

Love you Shallon❤

[@402jully]

omg Shallon you just nailed this one

[@mariav5930]

Great video 👏

[@jennwill80]

Great points.

[@karinaf8326]

I love your advice.

[@ilzi1418]

I think i love you, so funny and cool woman.

[@YurieSong]

i love you!!

[@Elufah369]

I like this video.

[@aaliyahshowkat4566]

I love you, you are so incredible

[@megmuffy5791]

I love you!!! Lol