Dating Over 50: 10 BIG Mistakes to AVOID in a NEW Relationship? Key Advice for New Daters!

[@mypov4343]

In my book there are no mistakes. You basically react or respond 2 what is put in front of you. And when your reactions are truly how you want to respond then you're being authentic and will attract the right people in your life and put off the wrong people in your life. Having said that I'm still single and maybe that's how life is supposed to be for me. So take what I say with a grain of salt LOL always a work in progress

[@2ndActTV]

I think you give some of the best advice on this platform, Povie! :-) And I agree that if you are authentic, whatever you do is not likely to be a "mistake"!

[@mypov4343]

@@2ndActTV giving advice is always easier than applying yourself :)

[@codzy3532]

totally agreed find a soulmate their the ones that will last til u both die how do i know it happened to me im 60 met my babe in 2019 i was 56 be 4 yrs this yr we,v been together and it keeps getting better amen

[@jonicaldwelllerner3147]

Aren't we all a work in progress? If we stop working on the magic of being a human, life would simply be too boring! I look forward to hearing how your 2nd Act journey unfolds.

[@mypov4343]

@@jonicaldwelllerner3147 Having some real life experiences balancing between burning desire and detachment of outcome...not boring for sure!

[@eddy2561]

Another most excellent video....I really enjoy Joni's perspective here. Moving too quickly: 3 weeks into dating a lovely lass that I was really interested in she asked if we were now boyfriend-girlfriend and she was already introducing me to her family....freaked me out and I took the coward's way out and ran for it....I had to go into the witness protection program....LOL!!

[@2ndActTV]

Thanks Eddy, and thanks for sharing your experience. Always helpful to hear!😊

[@robertvarner9519]

A good pilot knows when to bailout.

[@eddy2561]

But don't forget the parachute @@robertvarner9519

[@jeanettesuzannebrooks1963]

May Day, May Day!

[@magsteel9891]

Introducing me to little kids right away freaks me out a bit

[@DD-ic1bd]

All excellent points ladies!! Thank you! I definitely am commitment-phobic and get scared off when guys come on to strong, needy.. which many do!.. it's not mainly woman who do this, as people assume! My biggest challenge is finding someone im attracted to that also has compatibility traits, values. I have met those who are one or the other, but need both.. keeping the faith while the search goes on, lol.

[@2ndActTV]

Yes, keep the faith DD!! And thanks for all your engagement!🤗

[@DD-ic1bd]

@@2ndActTV 💜

[@jonicaldwelllerner3147]

Yes! Keep the faith and enjoy the journey. Love it.

[@33Jenesis]

When the new neighbor moved in earlier this year it was pretty exciting because he’s my age, by himself, and a triathlete (I have only dated really active and fit guys). I was new to swimming so I was thrilled that a competitive open water swimmer would be my next door neighbor. We got to texting every day and talked often (he was always outside fixing his place). Only after I found out he was freshly out of a 20-year marriage and not once owned up to his part in the failing (he talked about his ex’s part). Also his words don’t match his action (he said he’s not living just to be a triathlete but whenever he felt upstaged he pulled out his phone to show me all of his photos from races). These little tidbits plus his tendency to alpha male doused the possibility of a relationship. I told him it’s better to just be neighbors. He didn’t take it well.

[@jonicaldwelllerner3147]

The neighbor thing could be kismet and convenient or a nightmare down the road if it didn't work out. I do recommend that if a person is looking for a lasting partnership, that dating someone just out of a long term relationship or marriage is not the best tactic as they are often unconsciously rebounding. That means they just want to replace the old relationship with a doppelganger relationship. Probably best you nipped that in the bud!

[@richardpauly1635]

At least you founded out early

[@melluques8475]

You should never date a neighbour🕊 they are you closest relative in an emergency 🤷‍♀️🙏🏻🕊

[@jenniferlee7167]

One can never say or do anything wrong with the RIGHT person. A relationship that is meant to be will flow naturally, no tugging, no pulling, no games. If there is any discord that sparks a red flag--then perhaps it was not meant to be.

[@jackdeniston59]

Only women can say that, because men are not at all permitted to criticise women. No matter how appropriate it is.

[@wildernesswordsmith]

Hi. I have watched a number of your videos. I think this is the best so far because it addresses the most important issue of keeping your relationship going.

[@2ndActTV]

Thank you for saying that and watching our channel. Always great to hear that the information is helpful!!

[@jonicaldwelllerner3147]

That's great to hear. Silke puts a lot of time and energy into choosing topics that are not only interesting but useful and helpful to people so it's nice to know that the videos are hitting home! Thanks for watching.

[@GwenMotoGirl]

Work has been crazy and now things are slowing down and I can catch up on 2nd Act TV. Helpful topic and good timing. The new guy and I are still having a great time almost 4 months in and it’s all so easy and drama free. We both wanted exclusivity before sex. I’ve noticed that most of the men I’ve dated assume that we’re exclusive even when we haven’t had the discussion. It’s tough to have that conversation without sounding like a discussion about commitment. Is there a difference between exclusivity and commitment? I think there is, but maybe I’m splitting hairs. Thanks for having beautiful Joni back on your show, Silke. Great discussion!

[@jeanettesuzannebrooks1963]

Great point here.

[@2ndActTV]

Hi Gwen, good to see you and so glad things are coming along well. That's a really interesting point you raise, and yes, exclusivity is different than commitment in my eyes as well. Commitment to me implies - as the word says - commitment to a relationship AND exclusivity. Exclusivity on the other hand IMO is an agree to not date or sleep with anyone else while "we" are seeing each other and having sex. It doesn't necessarily mean that we plan to be together forever - at least not yet. You always have such though provoking comments!

[@GwenMotoGirl]

@@2ndActTV I can definitely make a simple topic complex! 😁 I’m the one who bought up the exclusivity discussion with the new man. I’m usually articulate and confident, but it was a bit awkward. Scripts. I need scripts!

[@leoromo7845]

​@@GwenMotoGirlHello Miss Gwen remember me? It is so nice that you found someone who makes you happy. Don't over think things to much just follow your instincts. Take care and God bless 🙏

[@GwenMotoGirl]

@@leoromo7845 thanks! It’s casual, and that’s okay. Thanks for your good wishes.

[@plzhd2]

I'm gal who gets turned off by all the above! Silke, you SHOULD have a much bigger fan (subscribers) base! What's up with these old gals n guys who watch but don't want to support ya?! It's free!😊 ❤❤❤

[@virgiljohnson6484]

I suspect the lack of support is the guests. topics, and comments say things people don't want to hear. Reinforcing behavior will make you a lot more money than challenging behavior.

[@2ndActTV]

Thank you so much for saying that!! One thing I know I'm not very good at is marketing and self promotion. I've always sucked at "sales". My goal was/is to get to 100K subs this year. It can still happen, and thanks for your support!!🤗

[@2ndActTV]

That's a really good point Virgil, we do challenge a lot of behavior - including our own - and lots of people can't deal with that. Thanks for your support. Always appreciate your engagement!🤗

[@MyFrankieee]

Brilliant wisdom ladies love this ❤ ThAnkyou

[@2ndActTV]

Glad you love it!! Thanks for watching as always!🤗

[@woodliceworm4565]

Does appear that being laid back is good for any new relationships, not so laid back that you fall off the chair but. The punishment for being unfit and unloading shipping containers is much pain. I guess the same for human interactions, not being prepared and in tune means causing pain or receiving it - this section is a good reminder to think first, should a relationship event occur suddenly or unexpectedly.

[@jonicaldwelllerner3147]

good point!

[@waynekelner8893]

Love the haircut Joni

[@jonicaldwelllerner3147]

Thanks for noticing Wayne! I'm workin' what I've got. We all are. :D Have a beautiful holiday weekend full of fun and connection.

[@Tnc874]

I dont mind adjusting myself to fit him. But im definitely going to be me. And keep myself.but i can see myself wanting to be interested in his stuff, i want to do some things that he likes. Of course there has to be an exchange. Id hope he would be interested in doing the things im into also. As far as locking it down, it tends to be the men who rush me. After 4 dates im asked to be their girlfriends smh

[@jonicaldwelllerner3147]

It's lovely to be seen and wanted but also lovely to be authentic and have good boundaries on that 4th date! It is such a beautiful dance, this dating thing. Or it can be. I agree totally with learning about what the other person likes, even trying it out.. It could be really fun. I learned to ski for my guy (mostly) and i LOVE it. But there are things I do and things he does that are separate and we honor that too. It's about retaining the core of who we are on this grand adventure. Thanks for the comment, it spurred my thought process!

[@tomjeffersonwasright2288]

Deal killing Mistakes in a new relationship. 1. Being mean to my dog. If you abuse my Pup, I'll bite you! 2. Sending me to Voice Mail. If you live with phone in hand, but I keep getting sent to Mail, You get deleted. If you answer, say you are busy, and will talk later, I will call back. We have all been there. 3. Break off a conversation with me, and turn to talk any and every woman who walks up. Likewise, believing whatever a woman says over anything a man says. If women are your priority, go date them.

[@jeanettesuzannebrooks1963]

My little grandkids are masters at living in the present. Ever noticed that? Is it possible we’re evolving and going back to that mode? And where did you get those four signs of codependency? You just wet my appetite!

[@2ndActTV]

Interesting thought!! Here is the article I referenced for codependency. I thought I had it in the show notes. Thanks for asking! www.gottman.com/blog/four-signs-that-you-may-be-in-a-codependent-relationship/

[@jonicaldwelllerner3147]

Hmmmm. I feel another episode coming on Silke!

[@janetkirsten6233]

Mistakes early are just one. Do not get physical before 12 weeks, that's it. Sex clouds judgement and no one is seductive anymore. We don't seduce and that's nothing to do with sex

[@jackdeniston59]

12 weeks? Homelessness for you.

[@jasona5806]

There goes the 3 date rule..

[@lilyvega7450]

👍🏼

[@Jeff-xs1do]

How do you know when a person is faking it,Happened in my last marriage,she great until after we were married then she flipped

[@michaelkelcy3522]

"Established communication agreement"? Really?

[@leoromo7845]

Great video ladies! My problem is I always put my business first. I worked very hard to be where I'm at in my business. What do you think ladies is that wrong? Miss Silke thank you again for always giving great advice! It's always so wonderful to see that beautiful, gorgeous smile of yours Miss Silke 😘🥰🥰🤗🥰😘😘😘

[@Annabelle-n3e]

All stuff we Heard before

[@Wildevis]

When

[@2ndActTV]

Hi Erika, you mean "when in a new relationship" - if so, I would say 6 months or less.Does that make sense?

[@BrentBear1]

I hate the idea that if I don't have a tribe of friends, I'm considered uninteresting. I was married for 35 years, together 39 years, so most of my friends are part of another married couple. Most married guys want to do things with their wives. I don't have a bunch of dudes that I go hang out with which seems to be a huge strike against me.

[@2ndActTV]

Hi Brent! By way of explanation, that's actually a great way to "frame" this situation. Makes perfect sense! Not having a "tribe" of friends does not make someone uninteresting. It is a consideration "why" a person doesn't have many friends, and your explanation is spot on!! Thanks for sharing!

[@rosswardrop465]

I dont bother with relationships.its a waste of time.Only get hurt .And ripped off.Im affaid .Been hurt before.Been single for 25 years.i have learnt to live lonely.Its not good .But i dont trust.

[@TP-vu3tc]

Just be yourself.

[@chrisjames7887]

I have to say the whole thing that men have to be pursuers and that's been the case since caveman days is over done. Most of us don't enjoy or even like the pursuit part. Many of us tolerate it as the price of admission to get into a relationship, but if a woman makes it super difficult or rejects us in a casual or callous way it just makes us less likely to try in the future. Ladies - you can be civil and/or kind about letting us down. Don't be a jerk or passive-aggressive. Most of us will get it. This is your price of admission.

[@jonicaldwelllerner3147]

Great comment from the masculine perspective. Thank you so much for weighing in. Casual, callous, unkind rejection is ugly from either side. Mutual respect, kindness, civility and being real are the way to go. There is no 100% this is the way it is because everyone is so different and again, appreciate your taking the time to comment!

[@bobb7758]

I disagree with Joni regarding pursuing. The man should hold back and let the woman pursue and set the pace. Women like to pursue, most men don't let them and spoil all their fun. That doesn't mean the man does nothing.

[@danf4447]

whats with the inappropriate laughter when nothing funny was said?? its odd. very odd.

[@Melodie007]

❤

[@BjornMagRognvaldsson]

anyone eles thought that was jake pauls mom

[@jonicaldwelllerner3147]

Not I. :D

[@stephanie7572]

Dating at whatever age is primarily about finding a sexual partner. You can do everything else with a friend of the same sex. Ignoring this leads to much time wasted.

[@LinusWilson]

The woman must pursue or she will walk. This is why women’s dating advice is so clueless. Typically a woman is dating someone way above her. The Chad does not walk because of the pursuit but because he has better options.

[@codzy3532]

um.....ppls meet your soulmate they dont play mind games keep you guessing do they like me dont they like me nope go past all the crap find your soulmate and you wont be watching these so called experts at relationships are they in one are they married like are you single can you relate to us as a single person how do i know about soulmate im 60 a woman met my babe in 2019 i was 56 hes 8 yrs older than me at the time this happened i was single for nearly 30 yrs hell i didnt even know we were going to end up together we were friends first then 3 months later moved in together be 4 yrs this yr 2023 we,v been together and it keeps getting better so ppl dont go to dating advisers pray ask God to send your soulmate he did to me i hope everyone whos single find a love like i did God bless you all 😊☺❤🙏👵👴💐🌹🥀

[@jonicaldwelllerner3147]

So happy that you have found your person. That's beautiful.

[@richardpauly1635]

I been single all my life some guys just want to be single

[@patrickmoffa7922]

I think that if I text a woman three to four times and she does not answer at all then I leave.

[@jasona5806]

Whittle that down to one text..