Dealing with Suicidal Thoughts

[@ganjaericco]

A little poem i wrote... People think depression is that woman crying, mascara running down her cheeks because she lost her boyfriend or that man down at the bar drinking away his sorrows because his girlfriend left him. But when you're living depression in reality it's lack of motivation to do anything for yourself. Living in a self made shit hole, you keep digging down deeper, like a miner for wealth. By the time you realised, the hole was too deep. It's too late now, you can't see a way out. Mind is clouded in anxiety and doubt. Everything that you once enjoyed is now mundane and you avoid people that you love because of the shame. Shoulders slumped, chest deflated. The voice in your head is filling you with self hatred. reflexive fake smiles keep the questions at bay, suicidal thoughts creep into your mind to stay. It's not like i want to die, i just want don't want to live this pain for another day…

[@christinedoyle6971]

Very well written! We need to keep the conversation going & support each other. Most of all we need to be brave & think of others in a practical way, give a little help here & there, doesn't have to be much.....

[@RandomHelpingGuy]

May 15, 2014. I had a pretty decent day. I genuinely smiled for the first time in about 3 or 4 years.

[@bignoknow]

Very happy for you bro!

[@RandomHelpingGuy]

bignoknow Thanks man! I really appreciate it!

[@dominiquefawnhill3525]

the pain internally is so much sometimes

[@olivergalman7319]

I do really feel your pain brother! I've been dealing with Depression and Anxiety for about 6yrs now.....and it's not easy, thoughts of suicide and ending my life sounds about right, but I got to keep strong for my kids and wife who depends on me. I pray everyday that one day I will wake up feeling like my old self again, I used to be so outgoing, happy, and always smiling but now I just laugh and smile to hide my mental pain. Thank you for making your video's and putting this issue in the light! God Bless brother.

[@tylerpearson5454]

Oliver, I'm right there with you. I imagine dying all the time. All the tine I think about things I can do to end it. Highway overpass, throwing myself in front of cars, gun, hanging, cutting, pills etc. I had a attempt 2 months ago. I know I can't do that to my wife and kids. Ppl think I'm better, but I just smile and laugh to cover it up so ppl don't know. I just hide it better. I just wish I was gone Oliver. The only joy I get now is meeting with my psychologist and psychiatrist. Sad right? In with you sir. God bless.

[@bignoknow]

Very kind of you to say. I do believe deep down that I will get through this and it helps so much to be encouraged and supported. I am truly grateful for that and don't take it for granted. I hope all is well with you and again thank you for your thoughtful words.

[@timobrien2738]

Thanks for this video. I can relate to the urge to give in to the thoughts. I was at a point this week where what usually keeps me here (the people who love me, and the impact it would have on them), was almost not enough to keep me here. I'm afraid of that happening. I'm still struggling and will for a long time probably.

[@costelramascanu7310]

i also deal with suicidal thoughts after a year of anxiety and depression. Hope that God will help me and help you all that are in this delicate situation.

[@jbeachboy100]

how are u doing now?

[@SharlenesJourney]

Im just drained from thinking about suicide everyday I dont feel like things will get better at all😞

[@Artemis_simetrA]

It will, just stay strong. You have to acknowledge your thoughts and just see them like fantasy. I'm a 25 year old guy, who used to fantasize about a lot of things throughout my childhood, whether it'd be being a superhero, millionaire, dating miss universe or being the most intelligent man in the world. Suicidal obsessions are also fantasies and it will stop hurting you once you stop ignoring them or stopping them, Let them come at you. Just stand strong and do nothing, they will lose their power overtime. Okay, stay strong and seek help if you can't deal with them.

[@elijaheffron7065]

My prayers are with you. I hope the best in your life.

[@bignoknow]

I agree, solitude is very damaging when someone feels suicidal and deeply depressed. Though it feels natural to withdraw from others. I agree with hard work. Thanks for the comment.

[@candypizzoferrato4109]

I want to thank you. You are like an earth angel to us tortured souls out there. You have been an inspiration to me. I keep on hanging on and fighting the good fight. Am in the throws of a bipolar depression trying to find the right medication. Some days, I just hang on by a thread. You have helped a lot. Keep up the good work and keep the videos coming. You make a difference.

[@fiorlineeu9541]

I'm 22 and been through some really bad trauma since day one. I drive people crazy asking them to give me confirmation to the point where they begin to argue with me. Constant fear of people. Constant fear of abandonment.

[@soulsearching7896]

I know how this feels :(

[@andreijj6468]

Hi i would like to meet you... i dont know people who i can really relate with so... if you want to text me back it would be nice!

[@rascalboxem]

this is me!!!

[@Jaydensmama82]

Borderline?

[@bignoknow]

Thank you for the kind words and best of wishes in your fight.

[@jp718581b]

You just described where im at, particularly the depersonalisation , i feel as if im living in a dream world and experiencing everything as though i am watching someone else experience it, nothing feels right even my home feels like someone elses, my mother doesnt feel farmiliar,feels like i died and i can still see my body experiencing my life.Suicidal thoughts feeling more and more logical than illogical,horrific feelings of anxiety and physical fatigue, i can barely breath with the trauma im experiencing,i cant mix with people i feel transparent and vulnerable,ive seen people go thru worse and actually die that way with no recovery, it frightens me, im scared to death, the future appears to me like a train hurtling towards me wilst im tied to the track, it looks the same as the past, painful and disgusting, thinking if i get well this time, i could not get well again, one more episode of this would have to be the end.relationships are twisted and severed because of the reclusive paranoid nature,and the depersonalised nature, i cant tolerate noise and day light, i need to cocoon in a dark room, my bills falling on the door mat, unopened, mounting dishes in the sink, washing still in the machine going stale, i just need a bath, and yet not important .this is hell .

[@bignoknow]

Glad I could help and thanks for the kind words.

[@bignoknow]

Thanks for sharing some of your story. Sounds like you know dark places and I am sorry for your suffering. I believe there is life after depression & anxiety and I work hard everyday to reach that place. May you find it as well.

[@bignoknow]

Thank you for your kind words and for sharing some of your story. I am sorry for your suffering and wish you full recovery and peace. One day at a time, so long as we all keep pushing no matter what, healing is possible.

[@seaweeds6594]

You're a really good person.

[@bignoknow]

It really is!! Hang in there and stick close to the people who care about you and can build you up.

[@amygraham2594]

Keeping you in my prayers Noah. I am struggling with major depressive disorder, PTSD and anxiety and ADD. It's tough.. glad i watched your video.

[@bignoknow]

You are very welcome and thank you for the kind words.

[@bignoknow]

I am really sorry for your suffering Jennifer. I am glad I could help you and I hope you find the relief you deserve sooner rather then later. You are not alone and you will be ok. Be patient and loving towards yourself, remember that the dark scary thoughts you have are not who you are.

[@bignoknow]

I feel for you man and I am sorry for your suffering. Distract the mind best you can and hang tight when it hits you hard. You are not in this fight alone.

[@bignoknow]

I appreciate the honesty and the kind words Geoff. Best wishes to you as well.

[@bignoknow]

Sorry for your suffering my man. Just keep doing the next best thing for your mind, body , and wife and may you both find the harmony you need together. Try not to think about the "if I ever" scenarios if you can. You have her now, you have today, stay in the moment and manifest the love you still have into the love you both need. Best of luck to you. Thanks for reaching out.

[@bignoknow]

Sorry for your suffering and your welcome for the video. Glad it could help you through that hard moment. Be brave and hang in there. Noah

[@bignoknow]

You are welcome for the topic and I agree with it being one of many taboo subjects that need not be brushed under the rug. I hope you got through that feeling of panic ok and I hope you are doing a little better now. You have my support. Be brave. Noah

[@bignoknow]

Makes sense and you are very welcome for the video. I am sorry for your suicidal thoughts as I know they can be very upsetting and even painful. Remember those thoughts are just thoughts and do not reflect who you are but rather the state you are in. Take care.

[@bignoknow]

I'm so sorry for your suffering. You must have been in allot of pain to have to take it to that point. I am glad you are still here and I hope you are hanging in there and staying strong.

[@bignoknow]

Sometimes I feel the same way and it breaks my heart. But I get up and keep going each day no matter what and I will fight to the bitter end to have a chance at a mentally stable life. Stay brave my man.

[@bignoknow]

I'm very sorry for your suffering. I don't even know you but believe me when I say I DON'T THINK YOU'RE WORTHLESS, OR A MISTAKE, OR THAT NO ONE NEEDS YOU. You have my support ok and are not alone. Glad you reached out, keep doing that and get the support you need. Stay brave and strong ok. Noah

[@DustinZilbauer35]

You're very courageous for sharing your story and for having survived the worst of your suicidal depression. You seem like a very kind person. I too am very well-acquainted with these feelings and have been for the bulk of my life. A gay man, I grew up in a very small town in Ohio during the 1980's. I paid a very heavy price for a fact of birth through horrendous mistreatment both at home and at school from the age of 12. I can only describe the worst of it as unadulterated psychic torture. I spent many years fixated on the idea of my own death (it is very embarrassing to admit that even behind a keyboard). I'd wake up for school usually after only a few hours of sleep, obsessing over how wonderful it would be to remain asleep and never wake up. I read books about suicide that I would check out of the library and I thought about it constantly. I can't say that I've ever made a genuine attempt to commit suicide, but I've come perilously close. One evening, I had a very ugly confrontation at home (related to my sexual orientation and my mother's assumption that I was a pedophile because of it). I drove into Cleveland that night and walked to the highest bridge I could find. I walked back and forth along the bridge looking over the edge to the street below and trying to gather the courage to jump. My instinct for survival kicked in and the pain I was already in was compounded many times over by that inner conflict between wanting to end the suffering and the instinct to stay alive. The despair I felt that night on my drive to what I thought could be my death was immense. There was a night in 2004 long after I'd moved away from home that I did act on my depression. I had been drinking heavily that night. I had recently been rejected by a guy again and I had just had enough. I had two prescriptions for depression and anxiety. I took the contents of both bottles and went to bed. I'm not so sure this was an actual attempt to commit suicide so much as it was a "Fuck it, let's see what happens to me if I do this" act. When I woke up the next morning, I had the most horrendous head spins you can imagine to the point that I could barely walk. I was panicking because I thought I would have to go to the hospital, they'd discover what I'd done, and I'd end up in a mental hospital. I did spend five days in a mental/substance abuse clinic the year before and I was not about to repeat that experience. I managed to get through that day on my own and I was much better later that night. I ordered Chinese food and watched a movie, greatly relieved that my stupidity hadn't done any real damage. Anyway, sorry if this was too much information. I have a bad habit of revealing things nobody wants to read. It's great that you're relatively OK now and I hope you keep improving.

[@erikak5022]

It was not to much information. You are a strong brave soul my freind. : )

[@wwjudasdo]

That is a great story. Beautiful courage. So, what movie did you watch?

[@PaulinaFriedman1974]

Definitely not too much information, Dustin Zilbauer . Again, my circumstances have been different, but I can relate to so many things you say. Except that I did try to end it all, "failed", and spent 6 weeks in a mental hospital, which didn't help at all. They didn't deal with the issues that were the reason for my attempt. I heard that "my lifestyle is not generally accepted in our society" (huh, Catholic country) and "people don't want to help those who are weak". And this was said by a mental health professional (psychotherapist) during one of my THREE sessions with her. Thank you for sharing and for your candour.

[@DustinZilbauer35]

wwjudasdo Candyman. I drove up to a Chinese place right up the road, ordered Egg Foo Young and went back to my apartment to watch my movie. I was very relieved to have my mind intact at that point.

[@DustinZilbauer35]

Paulina Friedman You're very welcome. I feel very uncomfortable telling anyone this and I appreciate your support.

[@rachaeladams7025]

“My soul was on fire” I’m pretty positive I’m done with life soon.

[@MikeJackson690]

I feel the same but I wouldn't wish for you to go through it. How are you now?

[@bignoknow]

Thats great man and may you get the quality of life you deserve!! oh, and glad you did not get sick of my face. Stay up.

[@bignoknow]

It really is but it can get better. I don't know why I still struggle even to this day but I keep going and push forward no matter what. I believe as painful as life can be it is still worth fighting for. Hang in there.

[@hgnlive6615]

You just saved my life

[@bignoknow]

All for 1

[@chriswitherspoon4312]

bignoknow thank you so very much please pray for me my bro..

[@rascalboxem]

+Chris Witherspoon I'm praying for you, I've just come out of a 7day darkness. all I could think about was suicide. I've been fighting this since I was 13,im 33 now. but keep fighting. things turn around xx

[@loriepropst7827]

thank you how r u now

[@rascalboxem]

+Lorie Propst up and, down. thoughts are always there. scared myself on Monday. but I've pushed through it again. how are you?

[@2010ChrissyB]

I have been battling suicidal thoughts for nearly ten years. I thought I would look on.You tube as you were the top first thing I clicked on you and It did bro g a tear to my eye. I have known friends take their lives and I have always battled it for my family and friends. I'm back to wishing I had neither so I could just end it but I know I have to fight. I think there is a definite chemical imbalance in my head. I bet there are people worse off that are happier but if that's the case their mental health must be better. Love to anyone replying to this video who is also struggling in life. Keep on fighting. X

[@bignoknow]

Stick close to those who know you and can support you!! Bullies are the loneliest of them all when they get older.

[@bignoknow]

I am so grateful for that and I hope you last many many more until you reach a better state.

[@bignoknow]

I appreciate you insight and can agree with most of what you wrote. I did end up being hospitalized for a week in the first few months of my episode and had to be supervised 24/7 for months when I got out. I have for sure had real, dangerous, suicidal ideations and feelings but what I deal with now and have been dealing with are more like what you described. Glad to hear you feel better then ever now my friend and I am glad to say I am much better myself then when I was at my worst.

[@bignoknow]

Hang in there and be brave. Your job is to not give up because you will be ok so long as you keep going and allow time for your mind to re pattern. You are in my thoughts. Reach out to someone if you are in danger.

[@LockyDoesScience]

I've been feeling very low lately. As I'm starting to lose my memory and I'm in pain all the time. Your video has helped me. Thank you so much.

[@bignoknow]

It does seem like a most brutal place at times for sure. May you find the peace you seek.

[@bignoknow]

Thanks dizzy, I have been toying with this video for a long while and can only hope it might offer some hope amidst the storm for someone. Hope you are doing well friend.

[@raymugendi1039]

The same bro... Experience exactly like you... I experience alot of racing wierd thoughts... Some times I would imagine me going to the balcony and try to throw myself on top of that building and die cold heatedly....

[@Fitlove157]

It feels better to know I’m not the only one with those same morbid thoughts...thank you for sharing

[@jbeachboy100]

People are here to help and chat with you for whatever your going through, its heartbreaking to see people in so much pain, i understand and know whats its like. i hope people can feel free to reach out and get the help they need, love to you all.

[@chriswitherspoon410]

mark d ❤️❤️

[@deniseparker8472]

Thank you. I hit a really low, dark depression some months ago and have been doing so well lately that I have even been inspiring people with my positivity. All of a sudden it all just came rushing back lately. This video has really helped me today. Thank you.

[@bignoknow]

Recovery is not linear! Don't let the ups and downs get to you to badly!! It will improve.

[@bignoknow]

You are not weak for feeling like this, you are just suffering and reacting to that suffering. It does not reflect you as a person as I just wrote the the comment below. Separate yourself from those dark feelings if you can, even though it hurts. I think your VERY STRONG for even being able to open up about such feelings. Do the next best thing for you mind and body each day and I know you will be ok. Hang in there.

[@bignoknow]

Vivatrol for alcohol addiction actually. I can relate to what you shared and appreciate you reaching out and the kind words. Be brave during your taper my man and I hope it goes as smooth as it can.

[@kijorr]

Just wanted to say I really enjoyed your video. I have been going through many of the same issues myself. In my experience what often helps the most is trying not to think of yourself and your problems but focusing on the good things which are present after all in the world. For example I really enjoy going for a long trip in a forest and enjoying nature when feeling the most miserable.

[@bignoknow]

I'm sorry for your suffering and you are not alone. Make sure you tell someone who can watch over you if you are feeling suicidal. It will pass!! From looking at your picture I can see that you are very young and I want you to know that you have your whole life ahead of you and it won't always be this way. I know how bad it hurts though and its almost to much to bare but you can do it. Hit me up for support if you need it and NEVER GIVE UP.

[@theastroidmech]

I never thought of thinking about the texture and insides of an object before, it is a surprisingly good technique. I feel your pain, and I’m pretty sure irl I’m alone in this fight and you did a great job of making everything seem smaller and easier to fight with your tips. I hope you’re getting better and thank you so much

[@fusconicole84]

I just wanted to let you know that I just found your channel as I was working on a masterpost on my blog about coping with depersonalization/derealization and your videos have just been so clear and insightful. I absolutely love them and thank you so much for sharing your story and how you've dealt with everything. I'm including your depersonalization/derealization videos in my post because I think they will really be some of the most helpful resources for the people who see the post. I just want to let you know (in case you don't already) that what you're doing with these videos is helping SO many people so thank you again :)

[@bignoknow]

Glad it helped and sorry you even had to use a coping strategy!! It will get better so hang strong!!

[@bignoknow]

I'll be praying for you. If you are a father that means you have a little one who needs you and I know you know that. Just posting this on line tells me you want to live. Don't give up 5 minutes before the miracle. Sorry for your suffering.

[@bignoknow]

When I am not doing very well its hard to see one for sure. I just focus on the people I love and get all the support I can until I feel more stable. Hang in there.

[@bignoknow]

Hang in there, I know it can be so hard but it can get better.

[@bignoknow]

Gotta tell someone, nobody should try and deal with this sort of thing alone. May you find healing and serenity too. Hang in there.

[@bignoknow]

Mood swings can be painful and if they lead to suicidal thoughts then I am sorry for that suffering. Hope the good days outweigh the bad. Thanks for the tattoo comment, they are my babies.

[@JonSchrock-j5l]

Thanks bro. I know exactly what your talking about its very difficult

[@samanthanicolettesemakulak8603]

Thank you so much. I don't feel alone anymore

[@CB-hk7hy]

Thank you for sharing. Your genuineness was appreciated. I've struggled with Chronic Suicidality since age 11. 40 + years, it is exhausting fighting it daily. One day at a time for sure.

[@tmc14121]

youve been fighting this for 40 plus years? my gawd...6yrs for me and im already ready to call it quits...how do u fight it so long? wat r ur coping sources?

[@icyivy2424]

@@tmc14121 I'm fighting with depression since 2005 when my mother died... shity family or I none I should say... no friends no love... just meaningless life... barely fucking making it... I keep asking is it fucking worth it... How I cope... staying busy constantly but yea I suffer almost DAILY... I wish you all well mate, take care.

[@Anthonydipasquale]

dude you are one big man for putting yourself out there like that - I have found that my dark "uncontrollable" thoughts largely stemmed from past unresolved issues and the journalling you mentioned was helpful, but the good hypnotist I tried was HUGE in my healing. Actually the tricks you mention sound a lot like mindfulness - eg; focusing on the texture of the orange you ate. Thanks again for sharing

[@SuperRuss26]

I suffer depression, suicidal thoughts. some days I feel like what is the point anymore. I feel I have no ambition or anything. I'm 30 and feel my life has been wasted because of depression. I've not ever had a proper relationship and I have very few friends. some days I can be happy and other days something will trigger off a downward spiral of negative thoughts. I workout alot and that kind of manages the depression but sometimes it can also have the opposite affect. I'm feeling low today so I thought I'd have a look on KZbin and came across your channel. I appreciate you making this video because I feel I'm not on my own. I'm now gonna occupy myself to take my mind off the depressive thoughts. thanks.

[@soulsearching7896]

You are not alone. I know how you feel it's so hard! I hope you're coping better?

[@TANTHEMANFILMS]

Noah i feel you man i love your openness your one brave man i deal with mental health and autoimmune disorders myself and its a hell of a ride for me and my family KEEP LIVING GOOD BUDDY!!

[@kimmie309]

Thanks for the video, Noah. I have for a long time considered myself pretty tough; I went through some rough patches before and was never once suicidal. It was only when I got hit with severe major depression that I truly understand how it feels like to be immensely suicidal and overcome with a sense of hopelessness every second. I am on antidepressants now and I have been a bit better, but these thoughts are still here most of times. I woke up last night and was terribly disappointed that I wasn't dead.

[@shatteredmemories99]

You are such a strong person, Noah. You WILL get through this. You've been through so much already and your willpower and perseverance will lead you to full recovery. Don't let all this pain and suffering be for naught...hang in there because you DESERVE the reward at the end of the tunnel. Don't let this bullshit win.

[@bignoknow]

Sometimes you can't, you just need to separate yourself from the thought and realize its not who you are. It's a symptom of depression and it will pass. It's very painful though, and I am sorry for your suffering. Reach out for help if you feel unsafe.

[@elizabethandersen6009]

You are helping me. Thank you. I'm glad I'm not the only one that has these thoughts. I love what you said... it's not the real you thinking these things, it's the illness. Opened my eyes.

[@amybexx98]

I was put on prozac for a while which helped alot with my depression and i felt like my old self again until about 2 months in and i started having a horrible side effect of a painful bladder problem (alot like instertitial cyctitis) so i had to stop. Almost a month later now and the bladder problems have improved the tiniest amount which i very hard to deal with but i also feel completely numb again and im not coping well. You're videos make me feel like there might be some hope for me so thankyou for putting your time and effort into making videos and helping people like me.

[@DonQuixote1187]

This is so raw and honest. Beautiful. You are brave for posting this.

[@generalgeneral3141]

Hi Noah, understand that this video has been over 6 years and i was scanning through videos and i stumbled upon yours, this is exactly the same thing that is going through me, i'm 43 and 8 years ago i was diagnose with depression and was on anti anxiety meds and anti depressant meds for a couple of months due to my brother's passing and it was all good until last year when I started to over think and with recurrence thoughts of the nightmare that now i'm the only child and I will have to be the singe caregiver to my aging parents which both are above 70. That put me back on anxiety and anti depressant, and i didn't get better since Nov 17, as I have more things to juggle, like work, family and such. Recently due to the many people who had suicide e.g. Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, it has suddenly triggered me like what you have mentioned that those thoughts came and you picture yourself either jumping off, cutting yourself and such. I'm planning to see my doctor in the next few days to explain to her what is going on and I also told my wife and she has freaked out and told me i need to be strong. The thing is i'm not sure about dying but yes those anxiety and recurring thoughts does hurt, and same goes like what you've mentioned in the video, why is this? and this is driving me nuts and how did i get to this point and the more I see people postings about suicide, it triggers me to think and I'm freaking out. I understand you've gone through it, what's your take on it? Thanks.

[@kevinstraiton4357]

Hey Noah Love what you're doing with these vids, such a generous soul, hope you know your true value above and beyond the physical!!

[@philhammond2406]

Just wanted to say thank you for all of your videos, I have been an avid watcher of your channel through a real difficult period in my life and they have really helped. Thank you so much.

[@kimberleegutierrez7274]

I stumbled upon your video. I have been trying to handle my thoughts and emotions but sometimes I cant keep it together and I start to think suicidial thoughts. I feel alone and less than. I spoke to you, the entire video. You spoke my words out loud. Words that No one will listen too. You know and feel like I do. I don't have anyone to talk to. I feel like I'm going crazy because I talk to myself so much ecause there is no one there to listen to me.

[@bignoknow]

All my vids!! you must be damn sick of my voice lol All jokes aside I am glad you wrote me and I am sorry for any suffering you have had to endure leading to this moment. I am glad you were able to identify a root cause such as low T. If you are anything like me, then I imagine you felt relief to know something so treatable such as low T may have been the most damaging instigator of depression and anxiety symptoms. I am so happy for you that the shots have already started to help!

[@babyboylovesmusic]

Noah, your videos help me man. I am really having to start my life, even my career because I cannot focus to finish out my medical program I am studying in, too depressed to focus. I do not think I can push myself any further. I have gotten some help and still enrolled. I feel like this everyday. Panic attacks, fogged memory, difficulty concentrating, crying, irritable, cannot sleep, and so much has just piled up and piled to where just talking on the phone with some people makes me want to scream. I feel like I am about to just have a break. I recently moved to a new environment but realized I need to drop my stressful nursing program because it is distracting me from focusing on staying alive and well. Labor Day weekend I just felt like I was done. I have diagnosed PTSD and major depression with no family support. I called my friends and reached out because I have realized that something has to change if I want to live. I am tired of everything. School and material shit does not even matter until I get well.

[@bignoknow]

babyboylovesmusic wow,reading this was like reading my very own thoughts minus a few details. I could not agree/relate more....sadly. Stay brave my friend.

[@babyboylovesmusic]

Thank you bignoknow , I have a college degree already and can keep going in life. I woke up this morning and having to force myself to try. Also, I did send you a private message but do not understand what's up with KZbin messages (since they changed the website). I will just Facebook you, if you don't mind. Don't know your real name but surely a public figure page maybe.

[@jerbearsaenz]

My name is Jared. I suffer from exactly what you explained. I always thought maybe I was the only one. Seeing my death everywhere is hard.. That's usually all I think about. This video really hit me. I feel like I don't have anyone. Everything seems dull and just pointless. I can never ever see myself becoming something amazing. But thank you. Thank you for making this video. I pray to God, if there's one, that one day I can be where you are at mentally and physically.

[@bignoknow]

Jared Saenz I believe you can be where I am brother and both of us beyond that. You writing me tells me the fight remains in you no matter how weakened you feel. HEALINGFROMDEPRESSION.COM is a great place to start. Reach out for help in your local community. Don't give up 5 minutes before the miracle.

[@openxhappiness]

Can't tell you how many times this video has saved me, man. Thank you. Hope all is well.

[@andreaparris9447]

hi, many thanks for posting this topic as you said its one of a few taboo subjects that gets discused among family and friends especially when this subject is happening to ones self. As much as iwant to join in a discusion my mind is starting to panic and cant put the words down , really admired your strength in being able to post what has been a traumatic time in your life .. i will listen to ur post again and take strength from your very helpful advice!

[@moogoesacow1]

thanks a lot. It really helps me to see not ALL people in the world are ignorant bullies. thanks for replying.

[@KCWhoa]

Thanks dude, your story is the first relatable one for me. I have few reasons to be sad, but I'm compelled. Most people don't know, while riding on the free way, I can't help but want to open to door and roll out. I feel like riding my motorcycle into head on traffic. Mine gets worse with age, but I try really hard, because I don't want to hurt my brothers. It sucks to be a man that cries so much.

[@kfw1205]

It makes alot of sense, u have alot of courage to post a video like this, I hope things are better with u now. God Bless

[@jerronharris3685]

I know it was hard for you man. I'm glad that you shared your feelings. We needed to hear it. I was very suicidal back in high school. I don't even think about it anymore but I know that I can share with somebody that is suicidal. It gets better. Don't defeat yourself. I love everybody. If you need somebody to talk to, I'm on Facebook. Add me as a friend or just message me. I would love to help.

[@MichaelJSiner]

Thanks for having the " balls " to talk about your experience with low " T " . I was recently diagnosed with low T and came across your videos . I suffered from many of the same symptoms you have and have been pleasantly surprised with the T treatment . Please keep the videos coming , good to know I'm not the only one .

[@juvesteve]

Thanks man, I agree with pretty much everything you said. I found that volunteering for local charities did wonders for my confidence and feelings of self-worth.

[@leagueG5]

bignoknow You're a true inspiration. I have no friends and feel alone every single day.

[@cjfommalw]

Thanks it's nice that you took the time to reply. I try to focus on things (like you said) when it's bad.

[@Grayshadow456]

Thank you for making this vid! One of my friends is going through a hard time right now and I want to help her in any way possible ! You really helped so thank you so much !

[@mattyjames81]

I feel ya man (bignoknow), I've been there. You have a surprisingly healthy attitude about suicide. I get suicidal as a result of major depression, and usually at my worst moods thinking about killing myself helps, it's like a comfort to know there is some way out. Our nature as humans is fight or flight, but when your enemy is yourself, when it's interior, you can't flee, and you don't even know what you're fighting. This man should become a psychologist, he's got it down.

[@noon310]

Its amazing to know that you control your life and once you realize that you will forget all of the suicidal thoughts.

[@SeaWitch99]

I've been badley dealing with severe suicidal thoughts and about four attempts for well over a year now and occasionally I like to watch videos like this when I feel bad because I don't personally know anyone who can understand all the crap in my mind but something about the plain honesty in this one has made me feel better than any of the other ones I've seen recently I just thought you should know I appreciate this video.

[@bignoknow]

Katherine Brant I'm so glad you are still here and I am glad the vid was of some value to you. Stay brave.

[@alicewalker1392]

My suicidal thoughts are always worst when I'm going to sleep so I usually read until I can't keep my eyes open anymore. Unfortunately my eyesight has suffered but it is worth it if it keeps me from hurting. Thank you for the video!

[@JC-vu5zj]

This is the best video I found on suicide. Exactly what I've been going through

[@mikeydan]

i really, really, appreciated this video. dealing with the same issues... was recently hospitalized for three days (quite an experience), just had to leave my job because I couldn't cut it anymore... been searching all day for inspiration on youtube... thank you for posting. I will check out your other vids. -mike

[@Dantallica1]

Thanks for making this vid. I wish more people could understand what it's like to feel seriously depressed and hopeless. We experience life very differently than the average happy bloke. You can be dying of cancer and still be a cheerful person, but when you're depressed by nature, life becomes very complicated and difficult. Even my doctors look at me like I'm a nut. I just wish I could experience life like everybody else. The world has no time for people with real depression.

[@rashadthompson2340]

Thank you... im going through alot and suicidal thoughts are the only thing i can think about. All i can do is say thank you for you advice.

[@bignoknow]

Rashad Thompson Stay strong and brave Rashad

[@bignoknow]

You are welcome my man .

[@hamstermunchies5558]

One really hard part is trying to figure out if your feelings are due to your anti-psychotic/ant-depressant medication not working for you or if they are the very cause due to side effects. If you have been really bad and in hospital you can be forced to take the meds even if you're sure they are the cause. That's the case I've been in before. I've been forced to take a drug I knew was making me worse so I had to fake being ok so they would discharge me and I could choose to stop taking it.

[@larendajmeson6521]

Hamster Munchies Please... EVERY AND ANYONE. Don't go through anything alone. There is this great individual who owns a blog called Mystyvoice.BlogSpot.com . He/she is a great listener and wants to show people that they aren't alone in anything. They listen and have helped me every time. Please. he/she loves helping people. Just comment on one of the posts and let he/she know that you want to talk if you don't see the email present on the site.

[@bignoknow]

Its my pleasure.