Dear Sean, Love Stef | Grief & Loss Vlog Week 7 - Choose Joy

Week 7 is here and so is my first birthday without Sean. I have been dreading this week and I did not want that clock to click over to midnight on April 19th. And although my day was sad because I missed Sean, it was a day filled with smiles and new realizations. I woke up on the morning of my birthday and thought to myself what will the next 365 days bring. Will it only be a year of tears & pain or will it be a year where I do something great? My hope is that this year will bring more joy and I can make Sean proud of this year. I will always keep this thought in the back on my mind - if Sean could find the joy through a year of chemo, I can find the joy now.
I hope you are able to find your joy no matter what is going on in your world. There is joy out there. It might take a little work to find it, but it is there.
All my love ❤️ ~Stef
#findyourjoy
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A Little About Sean & Stef:
We are professional filmmakers and have won 3 Emmy awards for our video work. We are positive filmmakers that focus on the joys on travel and all the fun that goes along with the journey. We travel the world exploring destinations, all while making video memories that last a lifetime. Our mission is to inspire and connect with people all around the world and show them the joys of traveling. We are personally and emotionally fulfilled by the amazing people we meet and hope to continue this great journey as far the road will take us.

[@benpace8860]

“Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy. Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them.” - Psalm 126 5-6

[@cindynelson992]

Take all the time YOU need to grieve the loss of your 💕 love, Sean. Happy Birthday, Stef-yes, choose happy for today, your day, we all celebrate you🎂🎂🎉🎉💝🙏🏼🙏🏼If I lived near you I would scoop you up and take you to lunch and to Disney💝💝we love you and are here for you!

[@gererawilson4474]

Happy birthday Stephanie we love you so very much 👏🏼🙏🏼🌹❤️😍🎁🎈🎉🎂🎊

[@stephaniem839]

Wow. You are doing fabulous. Nothing about grief is easy. I did hear you say “when Sean HAD cancer…” that made me smile. HAD. He doesn’t have it anymore 🥳. It didn’t define him. It was not part of him. He’s himself now and he’s home. So peaceful. So comfortable now. He would be so very proud of you and all your accomplishments! I’m glad you’re finding your JOY. You are so inspirational and set such a wonderful example to live by. Stay positive Stef. You got this! Love and hugs to you. ❤️

[@irishisle5161]

Joy, Joy, more Joy. I love that you're making cranes. When someone asks what do you do with cranes. The answer is learn to fly. Keep Positive and there are no limits to your growing Joy into the future.

[@treena2158]

Wishing you could sleep. Perhaps try some podcasts instead of tv? I listen to a lot of those in an effort to distract my brain so I can fall asleep. What a strong lady you are. You’re making good decisions for your mental health and giving yourself permission to feel the sad when it comes. Love you! ❤️

[@vickielopresti5767]

Sean put it on your playlist, so you'd be alittle happier! Happy Birthday. Yes, i agree, live like your Sean did! He is so watching over you! Thoughts and prayers are with you!

[@bernadine4236]

Sean listens. I believe our loved ones look down on us. You never get over your loss, you get used to it. There is nothing wrong with crying unless it hurts you.

[@bettyo5085]

Your man Sean is watching over you!!! Happy birthday 🎁🎁🎁 Enjoy this beautiful day. The future is no yours!!!

[@bluetruckgirl9259]

Hugs Stef. You’re not alone, I also talk to my people in Heaven. 🌟Somehow it’s a comfort. 💜🙏🏻

[@theresasaltsman1790]

My cousin lost his wife from pancreatic cancer 2 years ago last month. She was young and they were truly soulmates. He went through all the emotions that you are feeling right now but I am happy to say that he is doing so much better. He still cries every once in awhile but there are so many more happy days now. You can do this! One day at a time, you will still find happiness in life. ❤️

[@tmbasuhre]

I am just like you said you were about the tv on and completely understand insomnia- I downloaded a couple of apps and now listen to sleep stories. Don’t know if you’ve tried it but it’s like bedtime stories for adults . So relaxing and no tv lights and loud commercials:) just a thought! You are beautiful and amazing! Keep finding joy!

[@bethchaffin628]

i think the strangest thing in grief is that song, or smell, or angle on the sunlight, that brings a smile. Or even a laugh. You feel lighter. You feel goodThen the guilt kicks in. The sadness comes back. And you just don't understand how you can feel happy. Eventually, you learn how to compartmentalize your sadness. it will never leave. You will never be rid of it. But you will learn how to know when to let it come in to you life. And how to push it aside. You are loved. You are not alone. You will be okay. And enjoy life. Sean would want you to.

[@SetCCC]

That pasta looks delicious! Sweet friends. You are AMAZING. sending you virtual hugs. 💛💛💛

[@lynnettejohnson595]

Your journey is so real and you don't realize what you are offering in terms of helping others. You are totally putting forth the legacy of you and Sean.

[@rebeccaw7739]

Sending Love and Hugs.. We Love you Stef…🥰🙏

[@mklee05091953]

You are winning the hardest battle you have yet faced. You WILL do this!

[@reginabivins7569]

Thank you for sharing in your healing process.

[@nancyf1531]

choosing JOY --- that is a happy goal! I know its hard but important to do. Loved watching you laugh and have fun while making pasta-- wonderful friends you are blessed with - caring friends ❤️

[@susanwillett8587]

Stef, you are an inspiration. You are so brave and so strong. You will find joy! Hugs!

[@brandygeorge9]

So proud of you, Stef! I definitely see Sean’s strength uplifting you and keeping you going! ❤️

[@cabanaboy6451]

We can't see those who have crossed over, but they are always near. Stay strong, and good luck to you

[@sharonh2172]

Hang in there honey! You are making it through one breath, one tear, one smile at a time! Maybe put on one of you and Sean's vacation vlog series to fall asleep to. You might sleep better hearing his voice in the background. Sending you a big hug...

[@tammyviecelli5283]

You are doing great! Keep putting one foot in front of the other. He is cheering you on! ❤️

[@danyelshirley6449]

It’s so good to see you smiling and laughing. Go Chef Stef!

[@rolandmitchell963]

Happy Birthday Stef so glad to hear you had joy on your special day, i am so amazed how strong of a women you are just think of all other people what you have gone thought and how a great examlpe you are you.

[@debbiemuise8856]

I just joined you’re club my friend! The first video I watched was the tribute to you’re Sean. It was beautiful Stef. It was meant to be for me as I have a friend who’s husband is losing his 3 year battle with Multiple Myloma. It’s been a rough time for them and their 2 kids aged 18 and 22. I am mentoring her through these rough waters and where you are right now is where she is heading. Why bad things happen to good people is such a big mystery that no one seems to have the answer! You are doing an amazing job with you’re loss and emotions. I loved you’re week of choosing JOY 🥲 And it really does take a whole year of firsts to heal that big hole in you’re heart ❤️. There is no shortcut. But you are on the right track for choosing JOY. Oh yeah and I LOVE CRUISING so you will be hearing more from me as time goes on. Thanks for taking the time to read this post Stef and embrace all you’re Happy Memories. You are truly blessed to have so many♥️♥️

[@NoMapsNeededTravel]

Your strength is amazing Stef! Such a beautiful week of Joy!! Absolutely beautiful. You are not crazy by still talking to Sean. He’s there listening… guiding you forever and always! ❤️~Scott and Matty

[@itscita4189]

Even though we all miss Sean and know just how heartbroken you are these days. It is always a joy to see you, but I look forward to you healing and being Stef again. I know you are going to make Sean proud moving forward. Love your beautiful spirit and may God continue to strengthen you.🙏❤

[@angelajorgensen2437]

Happy birthday Steph keep joining sweetheart you are doing amazing , we all do grief differently and life will never be the same but it will get easier in time . Sending big hugs and love xxxx ❤️

[@thefrederickadventurer7736]

My thoughts are with you

[@Lwoman50]

Happy belated birthday Steph

[@pamelathomas7209]

Sending you love. Push hard for Joy!!! Pick up a suitcase and you and family book a cruise. Getaway!!!!

[@daisyraytheenglishway5875]

I think of you often and pray you have more good days than sad, just remember you are loved and I’m here if you ever want to chat 💜

[@denisegreensmith183]

Sean is definitely there with you,your doing brilliant,there is no set time to grieve,but everyday will get a little easier god bless you ❤️❤️

[@williamwalsh3882]

My wife and I have been thinking about you Stef. In a perfect world you and Sean would be cruising with all your friends on Adventure of the Seas this year. Stay strong, you are a hero to us.

[@angelanardella174]

The first's are the worst. I lost my mom 12 years ago tomorrow. The year of firsts was by far the hardest. Things get better I promise. Not always quickly and there are still times, even now where the grief returns and feels just as fresh. But you will make it through and I love your perspective and your "finding joy' plan!

[@bernadine4236]

Prayers and love ♥️

[@Gameplayhq]

Stef don’t u dare apologize for owning your feelings, you are strong, I’m going through a break up, while it’s no where near this level of grief I still have to learn to let go. I know what u are saying how bad it feels to be alone at night, that truely is hard. 😩, but you are strong and I pray you get through this. Thank you for sharing . Sending a million hugs and prays your way!

[@shamas.7823]

Stay strong! You have a lot of people praying for you.

[@roseannalexander4356]

You’re doing so well with what you’re going through. You will make it through. Seeing you having fun making the pasta was joyful. Keep pushing through. ❤️👏🏻🙏🏻

[@matthewgodwin8308]

So deeply proud of you Stef!! Definitely Sean is with you he's the wind beneath your wings. He is providing you with the strength to carry on with life that makes him very proud of you. Uplifting you to find the joy in the little things of life. Hope you had a great birthday 🥳🎉🎇🎁🎂 Stef, despite the current situation. Love you so very much as my dearest friend. Know that you and Sean continue to remain in my thoughts and prayers. Love and support for everything that you are trying to achieve with your life. It's a pleasure to support you in your times of need. Take care, go Sean's baby girl as he often used to refer to you. I Understand your happy and sad moments too. SEAN LOVES YOU SO VERY MUCH and HE IS INCREDIBLY PROUD OF YOU'RE WORK and the way that you have been coping since he passed away in March.🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗😭😭❤️❤️❤️😃😃😁😄😊☺️🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🇮🇪🇮🇪 #choosejoy!!

[@Carmen-jg2fn]

Sorry for your loss 🙏 happy bday beautiful 💖 he's watching over you, he's your angel 😇 take care

[@gailrichardson7148]

You look very pretty today. Happy birthday 🎂

[@michelealkins616]

you are absolutely amazing. you are a wise, wise person. so inspiring. thanks for sharing. love you, keep hangin’ in there, Stef!

[@carolineritter9634]

I have watched u all for a long time, you all are the reason we wanted to go on our first cruise. Iam so sorry for your loss. He seemed like such a wonderful person. And it is amazing the life you all did get to have together. Much love to you and I hope you find peace soon. You are in my prayers 🙏❤

[@bronniepaterson4694]

Well done Stef.....choosing joy is a great thing to do and you know Sean would like you to be joyful... Times will be hard but the times in between can be better.... One day at at a time.... I don’t like the Tv on at night...I use Alexa to play wind chimes,night sounds and wind..( as in nature type not botty!) on loop.It’s really soothing and works a treat for me... Much love and admiration for you Stef as you begin to adapt and adjust ( after all that’s all we can do in such situations) xx

[@deedee2001d]

You are doing amazing. Even though you may not always feel that way. I think it’s great that you do these videos. You choosing joy and putting it out in the world I’m sure helps more people than you know. You are a very strong person and you will get through this. ❤️

[@michellegoldner6688]

You've got this girl! Hugs 🤗 MickieG Adelaide Sth Australia

[@lynnejeoffroy910]

All the firsts are the most difficult. I have gone this route twice now, the most recent 3 months ago. Please let yourself feel what you need to feel, it will get better. Eventually you will see and feel the memories you made together. Hugs.

[@Lena-wm9ie]

Happy birthday God bless

[@DebYman62]

🙏🙏🙏

[@jenjenzx]

Happy birthday!! Joy looks good on you.

[@kimberlysutton7761]

Hey Stef, I have felt everything you are going thru. I lost my husband of 20 yrs on 11/02/20 after a 10 yr off and on battle with cancer. He was the strongest person I have ever known. We loved to travel and had so many plans for future trips. I took my first trip without him last week to NYC with family. I wasn't excited to go at all (although I never let on to my family). I just wanted to spend my week off in the house moping and trying to sleep. I know my husband wanted me to keep traveling so I went. His motto that got him thru those 10 yrs was "keep moving forward" so that's what I'm trying to do. If he can go thru treatment for all that time I can and will get up every morning and "keep moving forward." I'm glad I went because I had a good time. There were a lot of 1st on this trip that made me cry. Purchasing one plane ticket and staying in a hotel room alone, etc. But I was determined to find some joy and I did! I really enjoyed the trip but when I came home alone again I fell into a deep funk the first day back. Then when I went to water my plants I noticed an African Violet that I have had for more than 2 yrs had bloomed the most beautiful purple flowers for the 1st time ever! That was our wedding color and he always gave me flowers. That was my sign from my love that even though it may take some time I am going to make it. It could be a coincidence but I believe that was a sign from Carl just like I believe Sean left that song for you. It's so hard but we have to keep moving forward and try to choose joy!👉🏽💜

[@seadayz1883]

Happy birthday! You are amazing and Sean would be proud of his baby girl ❤❤🎉

[@tracygalarza7425]

So proud of you and you're doing great!! The pasta dish looked absolutely delicious. ❤🙏

[@LoriKrazy61]

Sending you my hug for you….. have a good day and hey happy birthday! Smile

[@sonyah5081]

We love you Stef. I lost my baby sister 5 years ago unexpectedly. Grief comes and goes, but I know our loved ones are still around us touching us. Thank you for sharing. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@jamiewillhite6355]

Sweet lady I know Sean is proud of you. It's been 7 yrs for me and I still have a moment now and then but choosing joy will always be a blessing to you. Have a great day!

[@Filmitvfxstudios]

Sending Big hugs xxx happy Birthday xxx

[@ElaineSharon358]

So glad you are finding the “joy”!! Sean is so proud of you….sending all the love💕

[@kathyfugere7417]

Happy Birthday! 🥳 I'm glad you are choosing Joy!🙂 When I lost a loved one (my mom 2014, my dad 2012) and the sad moments came, I would always remind myself that they would want me to be happy, it helped me sometimes to remember that. You should be very proud of yourself for how far you have come, losing a loved one is just so incredibly hard, continued prayers as you continue to navigate through the grief. ❤🙏❤

[@juliethomas3087]

It was so good to see you genuinely smiling after your pasta night with friends. I'm glad there are good friends spending time with you. You need that companionship right now especially. I'm sorry the nights are so difficult, dealing with the loneliness, my heart and my prayers go out to you. You're getting stronger day by day, though, and that undying joy that you shared with Sean will carry you through it all. ❤

[@traceyprofio3666]

Each day just take a small step further and when you look back you will say wow I can't believe I got through that horrible heartbreak. I lost my Mom 8years ago in July some days it feels like yesterday and some years and years ago.I look back at that first year and can't believe I got through it. The first year and all "the first birthdays holidays milestones are the hardest an some days your mind plays horrible games with you but as each day goes it gets easier you never get over the loss and that piece of you will never be complete but it does eventually get better.

[@deckhook1]

Stef your hurt is obvious, as it is to all of us followed your videos on crusing. It was a shock to us with your loss. You have to be strong as you are I don't know how I would be with the loss of my partner. Life moves on and you have lots of memories. He is there with you believe me. You will get to a point where you can move on. So be strong and look after yourself. We all miss him.

[@joecapobianco647]

Happy belated Birthday Stef!....Your attitude is just so inspiring and you need to know that, you're facing "those days" head on and we're so proud of you and we're gonna be here for you and that isn't gonna change. BTW, I think we have a pretty good idea where that song came from too (I totally believe in "signs" or subtle "messages") Quick example, we buried a family member lost to COVID last week and the day before at the beach on Ana Maria Island, in the ocean and out of nowhere a perfect white rose floated up to where her daughters were, no one could see where it may have come from..it just seemed to appear and floated right to where they were swimming. The woman's name was Rose and she, as well as the family LOVED the ocean, now where would a single, perfect rose (not wilted or deformed in any way...I saw it myself) come from and in the ocean no less?.....Yeah, I got a feeling we all knew exactly who sent that beautiful message. Love you Stef and we all care for you great deal! Enjoy this day and the ones that will follow, we got your back girl!!

[@juliethomas3087]

I know exactly how that song got there. It was a special, sweet, loving birthday gift, just for you. ❤

[@safari79]

Thank you for sharing such sacred feelings and moments ❤ I have trouble sleeping sometimes. Something that helps me is putting earbuds in and listening to a podcast. Also, I take doTERRA Serenity & Copaiba capsules (one of each) about 30 minutes before heading to bed. No side effects except for a glorious night of sleep. ❤ Have you seen Inside Out? JOY is my favorite 💙

[@rlhubert]

Happy Birthday, Stef! 🎂 Stay strong and just take each day as it comes♥️

[@terrycox5979]

Good morning Seff I feel for your greef its as if I new you both as I watched all you videos lolxx

[@karenyoung7416]

Sending my love and thoughts as you go through this heartbreaking time. You are so strong - in honour of Sean. You are doing amazing, and the whole spectrum of feelings are valuable. I’m so sorry for your sad moments, but wish you many more joyful and productive times ahead! As Sean would have wanted. Look forward to hearing from you again and supporting you how you need. ❤️

[@xiomarasamudio9991]

Happy Belated Birthday 🎂

[@tod2992]

Good job Steph.

[@parryshduva6087]

Hang in there beautiful! You’ve got this 🙏

[@AlexisDial1]

We're so proud of you!!! Sending you lots of love

[@sharon-pr5ew]

You are soo amazing, strong and inspirational Stef! Sean is soo proud of you. Hang in there and im soo glad you are doing ok, I was getting so worried when you hadn't posted for a while. 💕

[@lindawilliams6755]

So proud of you💕💐🌸

[@annette3488]

Prayers for you!! One day at a time! I know in my heart that Sean put that song on Spotify for you! He’s always with you!!

[@OffbeatTravelers]

So awesome to see you smiling and happy! I know it's tough, but hang in there! You've got this!

[@lindadoerr7919]

You're doing good, girl. You're learning. Stay open to the lessons and all will be well. 🌈❤

[@debbiebarfield8791]

You've got this Stef! Sending ❤ and lots of hugs!!

[@johnsain]

I wonder if Sean put the song on your player, knowing it will be a positive message to be received at the perfect time......brilliant.

[@trinav7582]

I can tell you that this grief will pass and turn into something amazing. I had a loss of my husband 20 years ago. I was 26 years old and a mother. The pain you so bravely are sharing feels like it has mimicked mine. The sadness at night, the fear of a sad birthday and just missing them!!! You are doing so well not only keeping his memory alive but also the love you shared. Sometimes that alone is what makes us cry. It’s almost reminding us what we lost. You are taking this loss with such Grace and you are keeping it real! You have opened up with honesty. Thank you for that. When you described holding your hand out I lost it! Some of my pain was resurfacing and I can relate. Enjoy the times when you aren’t in it and smile when you can. I just know Sean sent you that song. He is safe in your heart forever. He is always there! Look for more signs. I wish I could just hug you!! Just know that I am crying with you. Xoxo

[@tammyweinke1138]

Oh my goodness I just listened to that song “You’ll Be OK,” and I’m crying at the lyrics. What a beautiful, beautiful message! I could definitely see Sean leaving that for you on your playlist. Good for you in knowing that moments of grief are to be expected, and for choosing joy in the moments that you can. You will be OK! ❤️

[@B-ch6uk]

The nights are the worst

[@kerrimeehlmomof282]

You know how it got there deep down:-) Sean is watching over you and letting you know

[@KS-kr4ok]

Sean put the song there for you to hear. He wants you to be happy again. It is OK to be happy again.

[@AvagayBrown]

❤

[@janine36]

Good on you, girl. Those firsts are hard. Know that we’re here for the grief and the joy. It was awesome to see you learning to make pasta and being in the moment.

[@Pitsler]

You’re handling this journey through grief with the strength that would make Sean SO proud! Well done, Stef! 💞 Super job on the pasta, too!

[@mbranham27]

Virtual hugs… very sorry that Sean was called home. Blessings and comforting thoughts for you. Miss you Sean… ❤️

[@vernabenz6564]

Thank you for sharing your good and sadder moments... love to you and prayers for you.🤗🤟🙏🙏🙏💖

[@martinejoseph5266]

💜💜

[@MaryPonder]

First year - every holiday is laden with missing you loved one. Your messages are so beautiful. Love to you.

[@hopefaith3705]

You might can try a diffuser with oils.

[@juneclarke4415]

Stay strong lovely lady. Sean would be so proud of you.

[@michaelmike5936]

We love you Stef, you are amazing.

[@PAWS0810-]

you are young, vibrant and have strength - he would want you to continue your journey. Accept those crappy days with the good days - there are so many "groups" and help places out there for those like yourself. thinking of you.

[@kathyreid3488]

It was wonderful to see your friends bless you with such a happy night. Here is hoping those days happen often for you going forward. Much love..

[@travelinhawk4584]

So glad you are finding your joy. Glad to your smile 😊