Why Final Self Portraits Are Terrifying

Today we're exploring what happens when an artist creates a final interpretation of who they are.
Patreon saw this first: / deburke321
Music:
• FREE FOR PROFIT | Dark...
• Kevin MacLeod ~ Aftermath
• Kevin Macleod ~ Appreh...
Bryans Website: www.bryancharnley.info/
Blind Dwellers Video: • The Disturbing Final S...

[@lucynyu333]

My grandmother was a painter and she had to give it up before she passed. She was not famous but she was very talented. She was very depressed when she couldn't paint anymore. I hope one day I could take pictures and make a website for her to show the world her beautiful paintings.

[@mademoisellepropre2171]

I hope you’ll manage to make this website. I’d love to see her work one day.

[@itsicearmour]

Please do if you can! And if you do, please hit me up and let me know, I'd love to check her work out.

[@jin_cotl]

I will go to your website. I don’t have my notifications turned on, but if I ever come back to this video and I see your reply with her website in it, and all her paintings in the website, I will go visit and look at her beautiful artwork. If there’s a place to leave a review, I will do that. I anticipate her creations!!

[@lowkeysoundsystem6174]

Please share her gift with the world. 🙏🏼

[@figafiga4631]

Yeah, absolutely

[@drago6568]

those drawings by william are fucking haunting how hollow they are

[@Lars_Ziah_Zawkian]

YES! damn it feels so... void of humanity.

[@air_]

I’ve never felt such dread looking at something before

[@wildfire_]

That last one is simply horrifying

[@foreignuser_]

Picasso's last words were apparently "Drink to me."

[@mathieu-ye3jy]

And of course we learned that from our good friend Paul McCartney 🥰

[@jin_cotl]

😨

[@foreignuser_]

@@mathieu-ye3jyit's a great track!

[@kooolainebulger8117]

like a true Spaniard

[@The_hidden-Life]

Dora ze freedomfighter 🇲🇽🌮​@@kooolainebulger8117

[@alouisschafer7212]

Utermohlens last portrait is simply harrowing.

[@710Chri]

Thank you for letting me find what that was. I kinda want to get it as a tattoo

[@okbutwhatif9905]

It looks like the drawing of a demon by crowley

[@Anonymous-km5pj]

-looks up harrowing-

[@NystagmusAlbino]

I'm having a really bad episode in my life. Suffered from mental illness since I was 5-6 years old. I'm an artist and listening to all these stories from other struggling artists makes me feel that I am not alone, and that many other mentally ill artists used their art as a medium that in the end, inspires more people like us.

[@melanieford2511]

Prayers sent for you!

[@NystagmusAlbino]

@@melanieford2511 Thank you, I'm trying to get better day by day!

[@aFlightlessBird21]

I’ll pray for you as well. I sincerely hope you get better

[@MasterCaine]

An elephant artist must feel the same way

[@TylerMleczko]

Mental illness sucks, I hope you can get through it all. I give you my best wishes to you and your future!

[@gailneubauer]

Sad but fascinating look into the human psyche

[@itsicearmour]

Fantastic video. Goya's shift from painting Spanish royalty to some of the most dark shit is something I'll never not love. I'd love to see more like this!

[@603.W0E]

one of the symptoms of schitzophrenia is losing your ability to make facial expressions as well as going a sort of nonverbal. theyre called negative symptoms. i think this is probably also what brian was expressing in his mouth fixations. i went through it myself, i could only write to express myself. and at that my thoughts were very broken. i could at times not even finish a sentence

[@blind.man.1]

what else was it like

[@karlwa641]

It's unfortunate that you don't get much recognition from KZbin's algorithm but your videos have demonstrated consistency in quality if not in frequency. Another excellent video 👏

[@BlueMoonSamurai]

Every time he uploads, I'm always hooked. I frequently think of how I started watching him when he did top 10 videos.

[@deburke321]

Appreciate you!

[@bennettsprague4804]

One of my mom's best friends was an artist who did a painting every morning for like 50 years straight. She got dementia but she never forgot to paint every morning. Her paintings became more and more abstract and wild as she deteriorated, it was like everytime she painted she would leave a part of herself on that canvas. I dont know what her last one was but watching the whole process unfold over the course of years is still the most heartbreaking and beautiful bit of human emotions ive ever seen.

[@seansezz]

You love your mom

[@bennettsprague4804]

@@seansezz Yeah? But also like the story just wasn't about her at all... 😂

[@evelynlamoy8483]

I got real near dying for a while because of being postponed for a surgery, and then surgery complications. I made some wild self portraits. I felt like I was falling apart, just a breeze somehow keeping my meat-shell moving. It was very depersonalizing and none of my portraits had full faces. I'd get to the eyes and it would all fall apart. One had my head cracking open like a shattered egg. Another just had static and clouds. I am still puppeting this meat body around, and The worst of its over, but I still don't feel quite like I'm living

[@DoTheFlopp]

Terrifying

[@maddieb.4282]

Depersonalization and derealization are symptoms that come from severe trauma. You are suffering from PTSD. You can name it and you can treat it and you can talk about it. Seek help and be courageous ❤

[@DistrictWitch]

@@maddieb.4282 sometimes that isn't the way us 'mad artists' want to live though. Sometimes we want to just self destruct, creatively. Being 'mad' is not always about 'curing' or 'treating' it. Sometimes it is about a very scary, lonely, isolated probing of your own existential situation. Imagine all the amazing art we would not have - many of these pieces for instance - if the artist had kept taking the same dose of meds, or had happened to not have the inclination to carry on creating during rough times.

[@MontieAdams]

my takeaway was to do more art while I still can, and explore myself more thru it. thank u rly good vid

[@masa-qi8cx]

Me: One more video before going to bed. The video:

[@bigslurpee2078]

My father has schizophrenia, and his name is Brian too. The self portrait at 6:56 touched me in a way I can't really place but it brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for showing this to me.

[@shortlegsthekingofgnomes8962]

I have schizoaffective disorder and i want to not be alive.

[@DistrictWitch]

@@shortlegsthekingofgnomes8962 Look into shamanism for purpose - in ancient cultures you would have been taken for an oracle, or a wise man/woman, or a shaman.

[@pumpkinmaryam5500]

I thought Goya’s last self portrait was “saturn devouring his son” (which isn’t even the actual name of the painting but)

[@DisBishEmpty_yeet]

It's not a self portrait but one of the last pictures they've found. At least people aren't sure what he drew there. "Saturn devouring his son" was found with a few other pictures he drew in his manic like state ( I don't know what to call it, he deteriorated pretty badly) before he died. Some of these pictures were found on his walls (he drew some creepy a*s sh*t on his walls). But nobody knows why or what he did there

[@MrSqueamishJam]

Do u have any idea how dumb you sound in what universe does that even resemble a self portrait

[@grenien4109]

Jacob Geller made a video on that actually; it's really cool. The video is called Art for No-one I think, or something like that.

[@HasturLaVishnu]

It's part of his Black-Paintings right? the ones he did on the walls in his own home, not made for anyone but himself.

[@maddieb.4282]

SELF portrait babe

[@radsnax]

Williams final portraits are gonna haunt my nigtmares

[@MultiMaker_Studios]

3:21 This is like the Epic Mickey concept art, now that I think of it they kinda even share similar stories

[@koi.crossing]

Brian Charley is one of my favorite artists. His artwork is a view into a world that I can’t even imagine living in. Truly beautiful work, i love it.

[@Mezzy..]

I’m so glad you included the point about the quality of the art piece deteriorating with the mental health of the artist. I always hated the trope of troubled artists making the best artworks when they are troubled- when in reality, at least for me, it’s always been the opposite. When your mental health is low, it feels almost physically impossible to create “good” artwork.

[@geinikan1kan]

The artist uses brain, eyes, hands, The whole body really, in a coordinated project to represent the world.

[@josedorsaith5261]

Picasso not so much

[@geinikan1kan]

@@josedorsaith5261 so you don’t like Picasso. Why bother mentioning him?

[@cheriloveaffairrr]

Had the feeling to check your channel and sure enough there is a new video yay

[@aarondaguio7179]

I love these videos! Please keep it up!

[@deburke321]

Thank you! Will do! 😊

[@jborden18]

Your videos have come so far over the years! Lemonade stands to rap battles and great video's! 😁

[@deburke321]

Thanks you so much, always appreciate you watching the content!

[@MaitreMechant]

good to see this channel back !

[@meysamha]

Excellent as always 👌🏻🥇

[@LadyVenus125]

Been waiting for someone to make a video like this! New sub!

[@deburke321]

Great to hear! Thanks a million

[@jordanstuck747]

Damn I love this channel. Excellent video

[@deburke321]

Thank you Jordan!

[@teemunator]

Also to mention Helene Schjerfbeck's self portraits that changed dramatically from 1895 until the very last at 1945.

[@ku8mz]

The face over Goya's shoulder is one of the most frightening depictions of a human I've ever seen I think the faces behind him were meant to portray people close to him who didn't have the best intentions. The kind of friends and relatives that only stick around when they think they could benefit from your misfortune-- they look hungry, desperate. Inhuman

[@aperturealpha6760]

watching someone slowly lose their mind is sad. its happening to my father right now because of brain cancer. his drawings and words are often nonsensical but there are moments of clarity i cannot understand. id take some of his burden if i could.

[@skinnybuggo]

It is truly rage inducing how this exists, the deterioration of the mind is one of the worst things to ever exist, i'm sorry

[@maddieb.4282]

@@skinnybuggoit’s life. We watch babies gain their function and the elderly lose it. Sickness happens all the time. It is sad but doesn’t have to be scary if we let go of fear and take care of our loved ones together

[@TheBenNZ]

I really enjoyed this. Your explanations are very insightful. 😊

[@DemonzSlayer49]

I domt like how vague he is about these artist's illnesses. William had Alzheimer's Disease and that series of painings was him painting how he viewed himself at each of the six stages. He clearly loved art so much to be able to remember how to do so.

[@Spacecoreinspace]

it's hell to go through, i imagine william had horrible motor deterioration too when alzheimer's took course, so even if he remembered the steps, it'd be exhausting both physically and mentally to attempt it due to how shaky and for lack of a better word "laggy" his hand movements would be him being able to do it in 2000 was a incredible feat kinda spitballing all of this off my aunt, who had hand eye deterioration when alzheimer's started to wreck her, and her overall motor movement had slowly declined to nothing

[@Omen0004]

So glad you’re back

[@deburke321]

Appreciate you!

[@justnny]

that last line is so good, "the darkest parts of this battle wont be seen on a canvas". good shit

[@finneassblakley1927]

I think Goys is weakly holding on to his bedsheets which shows his precarious health state at the time, and in contrast his doctor is very strong and administering treatment to him.

[@maddieb.4282]

I interpreted it as him being ready to go but the treatments and external world represented by the doctor are holding him there

[@melanieford2511]

This was an awesome video 💯👏🏻!

[@deburke321]

Thank you very much I’m glad you enjoyed it!

[@youngvoltaire90]

great conclusions. great video

[@pedrodu3626]

fascinating video. The schyzophrenia one is amazing at describing what is pretty much a demonic growth dooming someone's mind, living on (in) his head triumphaly yelling and babbling.

[@vandolmatzis8146]

great original content,thanks

[@deburke321]

Appreciate you!

[@joshuaeco9480]

Crazy the algorithm gave me this wonderful info as I’m doing a self portrait mid spiral.. though the similarities are striking, most of our final self portraits die with us

[@Sandvich18]

great video and commentary

[@deburke321]

Thank you!

[@peppermintnightmare4741]

Goya's final painting is Haunting.

[@HittokiriBattousai17]

I'd like to add that Goya is simply one of the best painters of all time. Being a spanish person, myself, I was taught this from a veeery young age by dozens of extremely talented painters. Every day I jog near his own square, in Madrid, all the way down his street, Goya, one of the best streets in the city.

[@iced.autumn]

Great video. Incredibly sad but life often is :(

[@Mezzy..]

That last self portrait by francisco Goya is so beautiful. I want to tattoo his work on my body

[@TakeMeToYourLida]

Great video, thank you

[@Volundur9567]

Brian also had the "ESP horns" in his work. The squiggles and mouths are common in schizophrenic art.

[@sophiafakevirus-ro8cc]

I don't like that Idea that the real William passed away a long time before he died. William was still there, changing, suffering til the end.

[@sneed915]

Is a boat still a boat if its missing half its planks?

[@sophiafakevirus-ro8cc]

@@sneed915 the Marie Rose is a broken down shell but is honoured as the great ship it once was.

[@AECompx]

I hate the idea that artists should subject themselves to unnecessary suffering for the purpose of achieving an artistic goal. It's not noble and the art created isn't worth it. Don't fall in love with suffering.

[@caseco4979]

Yep gravity is bad enough all by itself

[@Rick_SanchezZZZ]

​@@caseco4979 thank you. so true.

[@bbcvscj]

not true. none of your business

[@AECompx]

@@bbcvscj What's none of who's business?

[@malleuscalgary]

You’re a bundle of sticks

[@abandonedmuse]

Wow this is so intense. The emotions…..i dont even know what to say. It’s all really heavy.

[@cheriloveaffairrr]

Missed u deburke

[@silverstar1726]

i honestly feel like i struggle to express myself properly through art. i love to paint and draw but i just struggle to know what i feel and i wish that i could shut off the part of my mind that i know is holding me back from putting it on paper.

[@NotTheWheel]

Time for me to go to bed one last video to watch before I go to bed. *Last video before I go to bed* Guess I'm not going to sleep. 😅 Thanks youtube!

[@waffler-yz3gw]

william's are no doubt the most haunting

[@stevenmizell8378]

Can’t wait for my Bryan Charnley moment 😊😊😊

[@leikeylosh]

Picasso was the biggest troll in art ever. Dude must be still laughing beyond the grave watching his doodles selling for millions of dollars.

[@timberwolfmountaineer873]

I think you are right. I often imagine how rightfully mentally superior and downright amused people like Picasso, Malevich or Pollock must've felt while looking at some of their creations knowing full well how in the future we will salivate and look for higher meaning in a bunch of geometrical shapes and pretty innocuous doodles. It's so easy to fool a mind looking to be fooled. "it ain't that deep cuh"

[@SaltySeaStella]

He was basically a hipster who "did it first".

[@TheRubberStudiosASMR]

Awesome video my friend

[@keironhiggspoet]

There's a video of the caretaker's music set to William UD Molen's portraits. its hauntingly apt.

[@melanieford2511]

These stories are so sad!

[@BLOXKAFELLARECORDS]

👏🏽 good show!

[@bonzai_sumisu]

Not self promotion, more a moment of transparency and observation. I believe that professional artists are doomed to develop serious mental diseases and it's due to the unnoticed stress of the artwork. The work does put artists in a form of mental distress that they don't notice. That's why alot of artists don't want to be stuck on one piece with how mentally exhausting it is to compose or concentrate deeply for so long of a time. That's just the time and energy, nevermind the feelings. My own gallery work, although vividly colorful, sends me into feelings of isolation to the point that I feel like there's nothing out there, to the point where my self portraits always include me bleeding from some kind of serious injury. 3 of them are private and hidden showing my brains being blown out. TL;DR Artists go crazy.

[@childboy8686]

art does not have to come out of suffering, i hope you are doing ok, from my experience i could never create art when i wasnt well, professional artists aren't doomed to serious mental illness, that's silly

[@ImStabo]

Excellent

[@holtlathren]

this was really good

[@wafflewarrior0673]

Fun fact: Willam UD Molens last "painting" in 2000 actually was used with a pen on a piece of napkin

[@beanieb0b]

Another thing that was really freaky was that in those early abstract self portraits, one of them actually had his own blood splattered all over it

[@fabrigarciacartoons]

Very interesting and terrifying

[@4tbucks]

Beautiful

[@NobodyYouKnow01]

It’s crazy to think of Molen's series from an analytical perspective. Was his art accidental? Could he have even understood that what he was creating was a perfect reflection of his mental deterioration?

[@jecx_hype]

Have to make a self portrait for my art class. Let’s hope it’s not my final one lol

[@sonyawester5303]

Can you do more of this stuff 😀

[@k00_ma]

another self portrait i think needs to be included in this is keith harings. i think that’s one of the most heartbreaking pieces ive ever seen and it shows a powerful message about the aids epidemic as well

[@bluebeka2458]

Judging by his self portraits he didn't age well at all.

[@SurnaturalM]

Alzheimer and dementia are horrible diseases. I hope they'll find a cure one day.

[@caseco4979]

Probably need to start doing some art to get this type of thing out of my head before i get too old and theres too much in there. I dont want to have to look at it though 😮

[@SleepyLuigi]

I find these calming but horrifying.

[@chicao.do.blender]

damn what a cool fricking channel

[@the-engneer]

You should do a similar video about musicians, or even just hip hop (since rock n roll is covered so often its a little cliche at this point). Capital Steez is an interesting individual with a very sad story, and the song "Free The Robots" is the only song Capital Steez made where he didn't sound happy (He jumped off the top story of the Capitol Records Building not long after making the video) he was an amazingly talented individual who was screwed over by record label's. Also had eery lyrics that seemed to allude to how he would go such as "I'm fly like $uic1de jumpers" and "The yellow tape was a warning sign, but it's hard to cut straight to the chase without a dotted line" Eyedea is another very interesting individual who won rap battles and had a very promising future ahead of him but overdosed at a young age. I can go on and on, but there's definitely enough on this topic to make a video about it, or even an entire series

[@That_One_Xatu]

Damn. Having a bad time today, so I only have negatives to say, but I'll spin it into a controversial positive. Had they lived forever, they never would've made these powerful paintings.

[@DoYouSeeBananaManTH]

You can still lose yourself even if you live forever

[@carna24]

Is the lifelong anguish of the artist worth the fleeting moments of aw and intrigue for and from other people, tho?

[@kairi4640]

Interesting last words. I often think my drawings, etc, are meaningless, so I usually just don't do anything, lol.

[@taylorslade8080]

Yeah, hate to break it to you but that wasn’t Utermohlen’s final drawing. He actually made two more after the last one you showed.

[@ADUMBMAN]

utermohlen’s true final self portrait made in 2002 seems to be unfinished, but it’s also very frightening if it isn’t since it’s only the shape of a head, no characteristics

[@taylorslade8080]

@@ADUMBMAN to me it seems like he tried to add characteristics but his perception of reality was so warped that all that’s left was a swirled, blank head.

[@victorprokop9343]

Utermohlen definately tried to draw himself after that, its just that it didnt do anything

[@percsie3072]

Counter point they aren’t terrifying we just attribute that meaning to them because we are afraid of death.

[@RoxLynisPersonal]

Hearing the salt and sanctuary main menu theme has me tweaking

[@Hellismary]

Enjoyed the video though I do have a suggestion could you have their names present on the screen too? I was trynna look up two of the artists I’d never heard of but couldn’t figure the spelling of their names

[@iciarsoto8860]

You could try the voice search option on google.

[@deandredunbar9618]

i just found out picasso died in the 70's. i always thought he died in like the 1700's lol

[@cadillacdeville5828]

Well hey there stranger ❤

[@raucoussauce1528]

Cringe

[@Schizohandlers]

Reddit

[@cockroach2]

Why did you choose to refer to Utermohlen and Charnley by their first names?

[@technoxander4079]

6:23 jump scared me for some reason.

[@BeelzebubBeelzebub]

Really good ending.

[@kurgans]

Interested to see what Jack Stauber's final self portrait will look like.

[@jareknowak8712]

👍

[@salamanderavem3782]

You should do a collaboration with solar sands

[@xeokym223]

fuck, this is depressing.

[@Vontonone]

Self portraits are also artist’s understanding of art and their artistic evolution Most of the artists reach somehow the same conclusion

[@rameshdevasi6720]

john william godward last painting is the prettiest.

[@bambibooza4921]

not even going to lie, im offing myself as soon as i show symptoms, if i remember that that was what i decided at least.

[@Pariahmary]

Last Holiday it

[@West_Coast_Mainline]

Dang

[@ShortbusMooner]

Melancholy.. 😔

[@nousername7582]

😭😭😭😭Picasso was petrified

[@kyleemoening8570]

I adore goya