Detached Self-Soother Mode / Schema Mode Therapy

Jess O'Garr (Clinical Psychologist) explains the role and features of the Detached Self-Soother schema mode.
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[@theposterbandit8767]

I often find myself isolating and mindlessly browsing social media to soothe my anxiety and it’s a hard habit to break when my phone is always a hand movement away. I haven’t quite broken the habit but I’ve started doing mental checks every so often to make sure I’m actually engaged and interested in what I’m reading. If I’m not then I’ll immediately shut my phone off and try and find something else that keeps my focus. I’m on my phone less as a result. Also I’ve found that self help and informative channels like this keep my attention much more than social media does so thanks for the info. This schema describes me to a tee and now I’m a little more aware of what I need to work on. Glad I found this channel 👍

[@thePSYCHcollective]

that sounds like a good plan. We're glad you found us too

[@Daniela.Mccaffrey]

🙂

[@Lindaheal]

Making a list of soothing activities helps, because my memory often glitches when I'm stressed. And choosing premium items for slef soothing (fancy bath salts, a pretty china cup to drink my tea or cocoa out of, premium dark chocolate squares) can really increase the appeal when I'm struggling. Of course using any of these things as part of my self care practices also helps keep me resilient and regulated, less likely to need to self soothe.

[@rossanapettersen]

Excellent work!! Thank you so much. I'd like to know about how to help clients that have the self-soother and undisciplined child as modes together with the Insufficient self-control schema.

[@thePSYCHcollective]

Can you please give me more of an example?

[@marotiem]

My client is addicted to self-development trainings. She is unemployed for 3 years, because she is unable to persistently write job applications and prepare for interviews. Every time we set a goal to she comes to report that her mailbox was full of new self-development training offers and she could not resist in buying them, thinking that it will be helpful for her. Because of the trainings she did not have time to apply for jobs.

[@Daniela.Mccaffrey]

i bet how many people is like that nowdays!

[@matthewireland4483]

Greet video Jess. They just keep getting better..!! Thank you.

[@thePSYCHcollective]

Thanks for watching Matt

[@JN25376]

Excellent video! Most helpful. Thank you, Jess.

[@thePSYCHcollective]

You are so welcome!

[@franciscopadilla123]

Hi. I am also a clinical psychologist and I love Schema Therapy. Sometimes I have a really hard time differentiating between modes in patients, because it seems like sometimes they are "fused". For example, a patient who procrastinates because he doesn´t want to feel the pressure or anxiety of his parental mode pressuring him to complete his responsabilities may also engage in "fun" activities, like videogames, thus also seeminly looking like a "indisciplined child". How can we distinguish a self soother whom procrastinates from an indisciplined child?

[@thePSYCHcollective]

look for the function of the behaviour. If they are procrastinating because of anxiety, then it is a coping mode. If they are just playing around because they can't be bothered and it is not emotionally driven avoidance, then it may be more undisciplined child.

[@raytaylor3077]

I would like to tell the Aussie that this video describes me to a tee. I am a detached self soother. Yep sure am and proud of it too. I love listening to her talk.

[@cwright6616]

I know this is a schema video, but would the channel think to consider a video on modern MAOIs please 🙏🏻 (nardil, parnate) Such a shortage of information on this category nowadays. Too, as someone who’s been recommended MAOIs recently, it would be great to get a comprehensive video on them from you guys. Love the vids!

[@aneedfortheory]

Hello Jess. That video was very helpful for what I've been experiencing for the past several years. I'm aware that I'm engaging in detached self-soothing and I'm also aware that environment plays a crucial role in bringing about the activity. However, how can you change your environment if you are aware that you'll just begin the bad habit once you "get used" to the new environment. Is there a way in which you can effectively wrestle with your emotions without falling into the bad behaviors again once the environment has changed, or should you switch between multiple environments?

[@Daniela.Mccaffrey]

[@Wingedmagician]

thank yu

[@shakiramohamed6684]

Can you please make a video on compliant surrender

[@thePSYCHcollective]

Yes we will

[@nataliesmith2678]

You've totally taken lessons from me in freaking out because there's a feeling 😂😂😂

[@marlenebean]

Oh god the frantic instagram scrolling is so me haha

[@ericcartman643]

Amazing channel and you are absolutely stunning too

[@lunabella1812]

Is oversleeping also this?

[@akilasultana2368]

How do we banish the punitive parent without forming a dislike for it that can then lead to detached self-soother mode being triggered when during our journey to becoming more developed healthy adults, the punitive parent still occasionally pops up?

[@thePSYCHcollective]

Instead of manifesting hate towards the punitive parent, aim for indifference. Then, instead of a strong reaction towards it that could trigger a MCM, the healthy adult is more ‘meh’

[@akilasultana2368]

I don’t think that’s the right approach either. I think it’s more useful to instead of being indifferent to the punitive parent (which may be subconsciously taken as approval of the abuse or bad treatment. Or just dissociation), you acknowledge and understand the punitive parent as a dysfunctional internalised part of the mistreatment you experienced as a child, and then soothe and allow for the vulnerable child to grieve. I think this should be the way the punitive parent is dealt with and the schema mode therapy worksheet booklet on the website should be updated to. Haven done a lot of therapy work myself and been in schema therapy combined with EMDR, this is the approach my therapist took and it made more sense in the long run, in both developing the healthy adult self as well as allowing for the punitive parent to slowly begin to, in a way, dissolve.

[@mamu7976]

Haha, Jess O'Garr must be psychic. My detached self soother does binge on chocolate. Better stop stocking chocolate in the house. LOL. Great video!

[@thePSYCHcollective]

maybe psychic. maybe speaking from experience ;)

[@chookvalve]

People drink Rosé?

[@MrIzzyjackson]

Choose your fighter 😂

[@aaronklein7730]

You are a beautiful woman!

[@marcymoksha]

Thank you so much! So well explained

[@thePSYCHcollective]

Glad it was helpful!